3. Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress

Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress


  • Entry 7

    Aelthas is getting stir crazy, I think. He, along with many of us, still carry that Troblin "infliction." So he can't really go home, in case he turns into a giant or a demon and wrecks havoc. Or even a giant demon. He said last time he turned into a golem. He's resorted to taking his frustration out in dueling with others.

    Attentus showed up today! It was so good to see him again. He was the one who took me under his wing and taught me how to understand my sorcery. I owe him a lot for it. I find it funny that he shows up days after I mention his name. I joked that he must have taken lessons from Illusif.

    Illusif… I do miss him. Yeah, yeah, I know rakshasa's are dangerous. But he was a real gentleman. He was handsome, too. Don't judge me. I'm half-feline.

    Attentus and I spent some time catching up. He comforted me on my troubles with love. He's facing a similar situation, except he has yet to confess.

    I started to tell Ronan about my ment-

    Er... sorry, I don't want that secret written down. I do have to finish telling him the tale though.


  • Entry 6

    I met up with Feather today at Jerrick's house and had tea. I was hoping to learn more about her. That didn't work out, she prefered to listen about my own past. She evades talking of her own. I wonder what trauma lies therein. I think I'll find out in time.

    Since she had never seen the druid glen yet, I took her there. She loved it, as I knew she would. Anybody who cherishes nature would find the place delightful. Malika was talking to a bardess, Val. She wanted to know some history of the Defiler, to record it in history. By Selune, that woman can make beautiful music.

    We then went to Norwick, and found Aelthas acting a bit funny. I was quite worried and tried to get him to go to the den, but he wouldn't listen. Instead we got attacked by troblins. Hate them. As if normal goblins weren't disgusting enough. And the "infection" is quite annoying. Actually hurts right now to shapeshift.

    Jerrick and I were also caught a white wyrmling dragon. He's been pestering us for the past week since we smashed his, "army" of snow goblins. He dropped bombs on us in retaliation. Jerrick finally got fed up and summoned powers of lightning and transformed into a hawk to chase the wyrmling down and zap him. That was a sight to behold.

    We spared the wyrmling for now. Jerrick wants to take his time to decide it's fate. While I agree that ending it's life would be the safest, I have some curiosity of the critter.

    After locking up the wyrmling, Jerrick and I talked more. About us. And Feather. Our friendships. Being alone with him is tempting. Very tempting. How can I endure this?


  • Entry 5

    Aramuil, you ass. You have the WORST timing.

    He asked if I had any luck with Jerrick. I know, I KNOW he meant about the black tree. He probably had no clue about the pain I've been in. Still, that felt like a knife in my heart.

    Luckily, Aelthas had something to cheer me up. By Selune, this is the best gift I have EVER gotten.

    He and I had talked before how I was a bit jealous that people like Grag, Lyte, and Maya had dolls made of them. Aelthas himself has a Maya doll. So he went and talked to Benji. And lo, I now carry a doll of me. And the best part? On command, the statue will change into a werecat doll.

    I was giggling like a child with my new toy.

    I participated in Fight Night's archery contest like usual. I almost didn't, but I need to try to get back to living my life. Jerrick cheered me on, and I shot well, but a silly bard somehow outshot me.

    On the other hand, Jerrick won the archer contest. He claimed I was his good luck charm. Hearing that made me happy. A bittersweet happy, but happy.

    A flamboyant priest of Tymora tried to compliment me by saying Jerrick and I make a good couple. Again with the knife to the heart. Maybe Aramuil isn't the worst with timing.

    Jerrick and I spent the rest of Fight Night together, mostly me watching him compete. After, we hugged and he left to tend to other matters. I felt my happiness leave with him. Brendel comforted me some. I think it got him in trouble though, with his own love.

    That didn't end well.

    Later, I was at the fire in the center of town and Jerrick stopped by again. We talked more for a while. Benji seemed to get nosy, which bothered Jerrick a bit. Jerrick says Benji's been nosy about all the women he's with. We ended up picking on the poor guy by acting a bit silly. I do feel a bit guilty about it, cuz Benji did make that wonderful toy doll of me. I'll have to make it up to him somehow.

    ((OOC Author Note: I apologize if I do get some events out of order. I think I have it mostly correct. I think I better look into rotating logs again, I have the feeling I will be writing as much as I did with Kara's diary. Oh, snap. Can Narfell handle another 70,000 word diary?


  • Entry 4

    Back to Norwick. It was nice spending some time with Aelthas, Lycka, and the kids. However, I was starting to get a headache. I just can't get used to city life. Criers shouting in the streets, crowds of people coming and going, the lack of trees, buildings looking the same. Give me the woods anytime over this.

    My heart is still heavy. Often I just feel like crawling away and hiding from the world. I've done that once before. It didn't do any good.

    I've spent a lot of time on the small cliff near the south gate, just looking out into the woods and watching people come and go. I suppose I'm still hiding in a way. Hiding in plain sight. But still people notice me.

    They notice the pain right away, even though I wear one of my new helms. I wonder how many saw me falling for Jerrick before I knew it. Brendel didn't, he was shocked. He thought my disappearance was because I was sick.

    Yeah, I am sick. Heart sick.

    Benji of all people picked up what was going on. While he's never been a close friend, I am glad for his words of comfort. He promised that I'd be getting a gift he hopes I like. To be honest, I'm not sure if I should be curious or afraid. He's quite an inventor, but explosions seem to be a regular occurance for him.

    Jerrick stopped to visit me too. That was… odd. His presence stirs emotions. I feel comforted that he is near me. I feel afraid that I'll do something to turn him away. I feel sadness that he'll only be a friend. I feel happy that he still wants to be my friend.

    He almost left. He could tell I was uncomfortable. My chest felt like it was in a vice and I called out for him. "Stay." We talked. It made me feel a little better.


  • Entry 3

    I feel so drained. Exhausted. I'm tired from the brutal emotions I have felt over these past few months, and especially the past few weeks. How could this have happened? I wasn't looking for love. Not for me.

    Why didn't I see it? That is the question I constantly ask myself. When I look back, I can see the turning point. Jerrick's disappearance. It bothered me a lot. It shook me that something I did put a friend's life in danger. It shook me more that it was more important to refuse to give in. I chose the safety of others over the life of him because I knew he would rather be dead. I wouldn't be able to face him if I gave in.

    Of course, he returned. The threat was done away with.

    But having to make that choice shook me. I just didn't realize why.

    It angered me, having to make that choice. When I finally was alone with him, I let it out. I hit him, yelled at him, hit him some more, and finally… cried my heart out. I felt better after. Happy really.

    I felt so giddy, spending time with him. And with Feather. And how much they seemed to reach out to each other. Jerrick's had a rough time with women. I mean... just take his fiance for example. Back when Adriell was back, I was hoping those two get together. Didn't work out though, I wonder where she went off to.

    But Jerrick and Feather? I was ready to try to play Miss Matchmaker.

    Maybe it was just me being in denial of my own feelings.

    Either way, my world crashed down on me when she confessed to me that she loves him. I felt like my insides were twisting up. I couldn't think straight. And talking? Yeah, right.

    Jealousy, that's what it was. Slowly, as it dawned on me, I realized all this time, I was wishing to be the one to say those words. Feather knew it. Jerrick didn't. Neither of the two of us saw it.

    I wanted so much to be with him then. But... Feather...

    It's been so long since I felt this pained.

    ((OOC author note: The diary isn't exactly at "current" time right now. I felt that it's best to start her diary just after the night this started. I'm hoping to catch it up quickly.))


  • @d0f4d97f5e=A:

    Unrequited - by Tamara Willendt
    ((OOC author: Kallethen))

    It caught me by surprise
    What I saw before my eyes
    An angel sent from the heavens above
    And I stand here knowing
    From a glance and a smile
    It's my Love

    I am frozen in this place
    I look upon my dear Love's face
    Bright eyes like emeralds reflecting the sun
    Leave me standing here staring
    At a glance and a smile
    From my Love

    This feeling I have, soaring so high
    It’s as if I can pluck out the stars from the sky
    Being this close to Love washes away all my fear
    My heart beats strong as I try to keep my Love near

    Alas…

    I see my Love standing with another
    Their arms wrapped around each other
    My world comes crashing down around me
    And I stand here waiting
    Hoping
    Praying
    For a glance and a smile
    From my Love

    Entry 2

    I've suffered many wounds in my life. Many of them terrible. Of them all, the worst is the one I suffer now. My heart is broken. It's painful. It's sadness. It's anger. It's fear. It's jealousy. All of that packed together and more. It hit me so quickly and forcefully that I was stunned.

    It scares me how much it hurts and how fast it happened.

    It would be less painful to just shun both of them. Close both Jerrick and Feather out of my life and move on, giving it little thought. I can't though. Not just because I promised not to.

    Jerrick has been family to me. He is of the Druid Circle and of the Wolves of Narfell. Both groups consider each other kin. He will be in my life always, through that.

    And Feather. The moment I met her she felt like a sister to me. She resembles how I was when I first came to Norwick. I wonder if she was as hurt in the past like I was. Was she shunned by her own? Did she face constant ridicule? I can't bring myself to hurt her more than she already has been.

    And so I keep them both in my life. Even though it hurts every time I am near him. Even though I feel jealousy whenever I see the two together. Even though I silently cry myself to sleep.

    "Kitty is broken," said Tojan. The pixie's right. I'm very broken.

    ((OOC Author note: While I may include a reason for the song finding it's way here in a later entry, I should note that I wrote it years ago after an inspiring RP session on Narfell with one of my old characters, Kara Willendt. Another character was in love with her, but she did not have the same feelings for him. Yet he still was a major part of her life and the unrequited love inspired me to write the song. I am sure that Illuminatus, the player in question, would find it ironic that one of my characters is in a similar situation. The Bardic College has a copy of this song in it's library.))