3. A Quest for Tyr - Kara Willendt's Diary

A Quest for Tyr - Kara Willendt's Diary


  • Entry 68 -

    It’s amazing how you only realize what you’ve had when it’s gone.

    I found Cera’s dead body in the tree today, alongside Coin and Carnival’s bodies. I don’t know how they died. I knew Cera had disappeared into that magical land she can go into, but I just assumed she’d return at some point. But to see her dead in front of me? Even in my anger-maddened state, seeing her dead shook me up greatly.

    Cera was perhaps the only person I truly cared about while I had let myself be ruled by my hatred and anger. I started to panic, I needed Cera, as she was the only person I thought still cared for me no matter what, besides Reg. I checked the bodies to see how much gold there was, hoping there would be enough to have Cera Raised. Between their gold and mine, I didn’t even have enough to pay for the small diamond. I ran out of the tree and over to Jade and Wilhelm’s shack. I pounded my fists on the door, hoping they’d be home, but I received no response. Dejected, I returned to the tree and sat by the bodies.

    Katya noticed the bodies and I asked her to Raise Cera like she Raised me. It took a few minutes for it to register to the old woman, when she realized that Cera was her assistant who brought those spider eyes. Katya then asked me to do something that I feared to do. She asked me to pray to my god to give her strength to do the task.

    Pray? When I had fallen out of favor from my god? Inside, I could feel the old me stir. If I didn’t pray, Cera wouldn’t be able to return. For a moment, I could feel the good and bad sides of me fight for control. The good wanted to pray, and the bad feared doing it. In the end, my love for Cera won and I prayed.

    And Tyr answered. A messenger from Tyr appeared before me in a flash of light. She told me I had fallen away from Tyr’s path. Told me that I could not pray for others until I learned to pray for myself. Both her and Katya kept yelling at me to pray, to love myself and others… My head pounded in pain a few times as my mind tried to shake off the grip of the anger so that I may become myself again. I prayed. I confessed all, telling of how I let the anger control me, how I betrayed Braeth, how I used Reginald, how I was ashamed of myself. With each moment, my heart opened up and my feelings spilled forth. I could hear the voice of that messenger, prodding me with questions as I prayed.

    And then I looked up and saw Cera and Coin revived. I cried, glad that they came back. Glad that Tyr heard my prayers. I cried and talked with them, asking them to forgive me, telling of my sorrow at what I had done. Of course, they forgave me. Of course, they understood that I wasn’t acting like myself.

    I then thought I heard Braeth. I tried to find him, but didn’t see him. I knew I needed to see him, to both confess and apologize for what I had done. I thought I heard him again and spoke what I wanted to say knowing he was somewhere. Then he stepped out of the shadows and forgave me.

    He forgives me. Forgives and still loves me. It makes me so glad to know it. I’m still shocked that he does love me still. I betrayed him in the worst way a person could betray her mate.

    Of course, there’s Reginald to worry about. I betrayed him deeply as well, though he doesn’t realize it. I let the angry part of me use him for revenge and lust. He loves me very much, as much as Braeth did perhaps, and I just used him like a tool. I didn’t love him at the time. I loved him before, but not in the way he would have wished. I feel immense guilt for this.

    It’s going to crush him when I confess this to him.

    At least I can love and hope again. At least I don’t have the anger controlling me. The anger is part of me, but there is still something unnatural about it. The night I let it take over me, I felt something deep inside me, something that wanted to be unleashed. The fact that I had lightning arching around me when I was fully angered is also an indication that something supernatural is with this anger.

    But for now, I shall just worry about getting my life back. I have many friends I need to confess and as forgiveness from. And I also have to find some way to regain the favor of Tyr.

    The important thing is that Amara Cal’Nuik is back.


  • Entry 67 -

    *** This page is blank, except for the date at the top. ***


  • ((OOC – Story time instead of a regular diary entry. This will allow me to show her thoughts better this time around. Oh, and just to let you all know, the previous diary entry only had the OOC comments I made taken out. The IC content remained unchanged. So don’t think some DM came along and told me to butcher my diary entry. And Hugh, that dress may have contributed to the seduction, but it was going to happen even if she didn’t have it. Trust me. She didn’t have any moral thoughts there.))

    Kara stumbled back into the old lady’s tree, her head swarming with many thoughts. Thoughts that needed to be sorted out. Feelings that needed to be sorted out. The red-haired woman walked over to the pot on the fire and pulled out her diary. She always found the best way to sort her thoughts were to write them down.

    She started off by marking the date at the top of the next page. Then she stopped and tried to figure out what she wanted to write. She tried to recall the events of the day. First she was talking to Doli. Doli… Something about her was still nagging at Kara. Doli’s questions bothered Kara. Rather, it was the answers to those questions that bothered her.

    Then Braeth came. Kara’s eyes flashed with anger as she recalled seeing him. He who is taking her Reginald away. “He abandoned me, that BASTARD!” Kara shouted to herself, startling Jeni who was playing nearby. “And he calls me the BETRAYER!”

    ‘_But you did betray him_,’ a little voice in Kara’s head spoke. It took a moment for her to realize who the voice was. It was the real Kara. It was Amara Cal’Nuik.

    “HE DID IT FIRST! Leaving me when I came back to him…”

    ‘_But he did come back_.’

    “SHUT UP! He must PAY! THEY ALL MUST PAY!!”

    ‘_No!_’ cries the inner voice, ‘_Look at who we’ve become! What about what we-_’

    “I SAID QUIET! You are DEAD! No longer NEEDED! Faith is gone, Hope is gone, and Love is dying away! YOU AREN’T REAL ANYMORE!!”

    The inner voice could only utter a scream of despair.

    Thoughts and images of death and bloodshed filled Kara’s mind, letting her anger and bloodlust rise. With each image came a small burst of pleasure. Each of the burst of pleasure joined with each other, stripping Kara of her senses. She started to welcome each image, each thought of death. She could feel the power starting to sing throughout her body. Magical lightning started to spark around her body. She could feel a fire burning in her heart, wanting to consume everything.

    “I AM AMARA KORNESIAT NOW!” shouted Kara with an dark voice. “AND I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!”

    The former cleric stood up, her eyes glowing white and her skin radiating wisps of white energy. She turned to leave, to let loose her fury on those who deserved the punishment. Fate intervened, as she tripped on the stool, sending her crashing to the floor. Kara uttered an elven curse she once heard Jade shout, and some lightning sparked around her. She started to get up, placing her hand on the ground, next to a doll.

    The doll caught her eye, and she quickly snatched it to get a better look. It was Cera’s doll, made to in the likeness of Kara. On it’s head was the lock of Kara’s hair she asked for. The memory of Cera burned through the red haze of the bloodlust. Cera’s love, happiness, and innocence resonated deep inside Kara.

    ‘_You drove her away_,’ the inner voice of the former Kara spoke.

    “No!”

    ‘_Drove her away, and now Reginald is driven away_.’

    “Shut up!”

    ‘_And Braeth. He still cares for you, yet you drive him away_.’

    “They weren’t driven away!” Kara screamed back. “THEY ARE ALL ABANDONNING ME! THEY SHALL-”

    ‘_NO! Listen to yourself. All the people who care for you have left because of you. You have become your own worst enemy_,’ the inner voice respoded sadly.

    “DAMN YOU WILL YOU JUST-”

    Kara fell to the ground, clutching her head as her face twisted in pain. Inside, the two halves of herself fought, trying to gain control. Images from both sides burst into being, like sparks flashing off of clashing swords. One moment she was seeing her morningstar killing some poor fool, his skull fracturing under the crushing blow. The next she was seeing herself clapping along to a song from a bard. They keep alternating, images of death and images of life. The stark contrasts wreck havoc on her senses, as her head feels like it is going to explode any moment.

    Suddenly, she let loose a scream of pure pain and anguish, and passes out.

    She woke up sometime later, her head pounding with a terrible ache. She opens her eyes and sees Katya staring back at her.

    “Well, girl, are you alright? You gave me and Jeni quite a fright with that.”

    It took a moment for the question to register. “I’m fine,” she growled. “Just leave me alone.”

    ((OOC – ‘Amara Kornesiat’ translates to “Beautiful Woman with the Black Heart of Fire.”))

  • ?

    Boy…I never should have chose that outfit. Seems like that's what caused all of this mess! 😛


  • Entry 66 -

    *** There are many lines of the author starting to write something and then crossing it out, like she's having trouble thinking of what to write. After almost a page of this, the following is written. ***

    Forget it. I can't bring myself to write.

    ((The OOC note has been edited out per DM request. And I agree as to why. The IC diary entry remains as it was originally written.))


  • ((OOC - it was interesting to switch gears back to a normal Kara to write this letter and get the song finally posted. The two mindsets are fun to compare against each other. I really wanted to share that song with more people than just Reginald. Tell me if you liked it. I very rarely write poetry.))

    Entry 65 -

    The Alliance is getting to be a waste of time. There was supposed to be a Council meeting. I showed up since I didn’t want anybody to get more concerned about me. Only Pip was there. This guild has become so disorganized. Pathetic, really. What does it matter anyways. As I said before, this struggle of good and evil is so pointless and stale. I shouldn’t even bother coming anymore.

    I let Pip escort me back to the gypsy camp. I had no desire nor need to stay at the guildhall. On the way we ran into a few bandits. I must’ve startled Pip with the way I kept bashing my weapon against the bloodied bodies of those foul bandits. “You’ve got to let your anger go,” he says to me like I’m his student. What does he know of Anger? He cannot understand this Anger that burns in me, fueling me.

    Shortly after I arrived at the camp, Wilhelm approached me. He was looking for Jade, unsurprisingly. I couldn’t help but be a little nervous around him considering the damage I did to his shack. He should be upset with me. But he’s not said a word about it. I felt a thrill when he complimented my new outfit though. He said he’d make more comments on it but was afraid that Jade might be within earshot. Coin also stopped by with this little halfling woman. Liona was her name. Kept calling us all ugly. I almost wanted to ring her little neck for the insult. Wilhelm left and then my Reginald arrived.

    I was starting to get bored, though Reginald did liven the mood some. Coin was going on about something having to do with massages. That’s when Liona asked if I wanted to go kill some spiders. I figured why not. I needed to kill something, and I do hate spiders. Besides, I might be able to see this insulting halfling die a painful death. She happened to be a very good shot though, which impressed me. Killing spiders was fun, but not nearly as satisfying as doing the same to a bandit.

    The halfling also surprised me by showing me some kindness, by giving me a potion of healing, that I didn’t expect considering her earlier insulting nature. Besides, I had to admit that she certainly was enjoying the hunt. I was starting to respect her spunky attitude. We traveled far to the south, killing all the spiders we could find. Then this barking spider attacked. Nasty little bugger. It had a very poisonous bite that made my flesh feel like it was on fire. Liona had fallen to it, but I saved her with a potion of healing I was saving. I figured that it’d be best not to let her die, especially since I wasn’t finished killing this barking spider yet. I needed her to help, as I felt very weakened by the poison. Finally, we did kill it, and decided to return to camp, having been hurt enough.

    After resting some at camp, I felt the poison had left my body, but my wounds had festered nastily. Liona again showed me kindness by giving me another potion to heal. Afterward, we sat by the fire waiting to see if Coin and Reginald would return. This elf soon approached us, asking if we’ve seen his brother. Boy, did Liona give him a good few insults. Drove him away, she did! I must say my own attitude helped, I think. I can’t help but like her some. I think I do need a new companion, somebody who doesn’t know the old Kara. If anything, at least she’s good for the potions and entertainment. And she doesn’t look too hard to thump my morningstar into if she does turn on me.

    The halfling went off to bed, and Reg and Coin came back. And a naked gnome. The elf decided to go off with the gnome. Still wanted to find his brother. Reg decided to go try to keep the fools from killing themselves. I started to follow, since it could involve bashing some bandits. Cera popped out of nowhere before I left the camp. I decided to get that holy symbol back from her. I didn’t want her thinking something was strange of me by not having the holy symbol, like she probably already was thinking. She didn’t want to hand it over at first, saying she wanted to wait until I was “happy again.” I can’t help but admire the way she still holds such affection for me. I did finally convince her to give it to me, offering a lock of my hair in return. She said Mojo wanted the hair to remember me by.

    I shouldn’t have taken the holy symbol back. Within minutes of my touching it, the symbol tarnished and corroded, and eventually broke in half. A telling sign that I’m not the same anymore. And Reg, Cera, and Coin all witnessed it.

    The elf didn’t survive, Reginald had dragged him back. The gnome did. For some reason he was invisible, not knowing how. Strange magics flared around him, surprising us all. Finally, a creature appeared out of thin air like it was summoned. A divine creature. A large, divine creature. I grew very afraid, thinking it was sent from Tyr to punish me. Thankfully, it did nothing and soon disappeared.

    And Doli appeared. My instincts told me she perhaps summoned the creature, and I shot her a glance. She didn’t like my mistrust and scolded me for it, as she had helped me before in Atol’s cavern. Telling me that I should not forget who are my friends. Bah. Are they all still my friends? I’m not the same, how can the friendships be? Still, somewhere deep inside me I could feel some truth to what she was saying. So I just played along and looked the part of a scolded child. I did not want her angry with me, she does have great magical powers after all.

    She said some strange things to Reginald, trying to hint at something. Saying something about him being a changer of things in this world. I wonder what she meant. Finally, she disappeared and Reginald soon went to bed. I went to bed shortly afterward.


  • *** Stuffed in the back of the diary is a letter that Kara had written to Reginald, with the intent of him reading it if she didn't survive her night under the Anger. Since she did survive (at least physically), she took the letter back from him. ***

    Dear Reginald,

    If you are reading this letter, it would mean that something did happen while I submerged myself in that awful Anger. I know you probably think it's a bit strange that I chose to write you a letter and not the rest of my friends. There's been something I've wanted to share with you, and if I'm no longer the person I am, then it behooves me to write this down so that you will hear it.

    Lately, whenever I see you are think of you, I keep remembering a song my mother had written and performed quite a few times. I think you'll see why after reading it.

    _-Unrequited-

    It caught me by surprise
    What I saw before my eyes
    An angel sent from the heavens above
    And I stand here knowing
    From a glance and a smile
    It's my Love

    I am frozen in this place
    I look upon my dear Love's face
    Bright eyes like emeralds reflecting the sun
    Leaving me standing here staring
    At a glance and a smile
    From my Love

    This feeling I have, soaring so high
    It's as if I can pluck out the stars from the sky
    Being this close to Love washes away all my fear
    My heart beats strong as I try to keep my Love near

    Alas…

    I see my Love standing with another
    Their arms wrapped around each other
    My world comes crashing down around me
    And I stand here waiting
    Hoping
    Praying
    For a glance and a smile
    From my Love_

    I've known for quite a while that you love me, Reginald. Though, it did take Jade to point it out to me. I feel so guilty that I cause you such heartache. I especially felt torn when that false god tried to lure you with your feelings toward me. I unintentionally endangered your soul in that.

    I wish I could give you what you deserve. You really do need a person like me to be with you always. If things had gone differently, perhaps you'd have been with me and Braeth would have had this unrequited love.

    Let your love be unrequited no more. I do love you, my dear bard. Perhaps not as you wish me to, but I do love you none the less. Please treasure the time you've spent with me, and never stop singing.

    ~Kara Willendt~


  • ((OOC - I told you that diary entry was going to be a bit disturbing.))


  • Oh my. I hope that mustache fits in your coffin, Reg… 😛

  • I

    Godd@mn, am I in trouble.

    ::looks in the shadows for a white haired elf with a dagger or an overly possessive, firery red-head::


  • Entry 64 -

    People are bothering me, pestering me. I can feel their questioning stares crawl over me, trying to dig into me. What do they want from me? What are they planning? Is there anybody I can trust?

    Yes, of course there is. I can still trust Cera. I'm her Mommy. Cera, my dear Cera. She listens to her Mommy. And Reginald, my sweet Reginald. Mine, all mine. I'm still not sure about Braeth. We are bonded, so his heart is open to me, but on the other hand, my heart is open to him. And I still can't forgive him for almost giving up on me in Atol's cave.

    Why couldn't Cera leave that holy symbol alone though? I don't want it anymore. It means nothing to me now. Can't she see it only brings me pain to see it? She just had to let Fishel know. He'll be pestering me, I know it. Can't they all just leave me alone? No, they can't. Even the gypsies stopped to stare at me. And Kashana kissed Reg's cheek! How dare she! He loves me!

    I just couldn't stand it all. I needed out, to get away from all of them. I told Reg I wanted to go to Peltarch. He agreed to go with me, like I knew he would. We started to leave, but to my annoyance, we were interrupted by Hugh who had a present for Reginald, a set of clothes. The foolish monk went and got an outfit meant for a woman! I asked Reginald for it, since it did look ridiculous on him. Wow, what a racey outfit. It has a very open and tight front, which had everybody oogling. Hugh nearly had his eyes pop out of their sockets. I must say I enjoyed all the stares at my body. I started feeling some desires awaken in me.

    I told Reg that we should get going, and we started off. Hugh and Jade also decided to leave, though it again annoyed me. I was pleased though, to see both run off ahead of us. Well, partially pleased. They had all the fun of killing the bandits. At least they didn't kill all of them. One tried to sneak up on me, but she couldn't pierce my armor. Angered at the annoyance, I quickly smashed her with my morningstar and beat her into a bloody pulp. Seeing the blood fly from her wounds sparked a fire in me. I kept hitting her, even after she fell, taking in more euphoria as it burned through my body. I stopped when Reg spoke, and feeling a different desire surface. Lust. I gave one last kick to the corpse and then started walking again with a faster pace.

    All the while, I was trying to charm Reginald, though I know it wouldn't take much. He's loved me for a long time. Yes, he still reminded me about that song of my mother's. Such unrequited love. It was time I changed it. I reminded myself that I should work slowly though, least I scare him away by acting to different from my old self. When we got to the city, I decided on a plan. First, I wanted to go shopping for an outfit. The new one was nice, but I wanted to replace my old outfit with yet another. Reg suggested a nice tight outfit that showed off my curves well, where as Hugh's gift showed off my bosom well.

    While we were shopping, a lot of people started showing up. I just wanted to be alone with Reg, dammit! I asked Reginald to take me to the theatre. There we can have drinks and privacy. Sweet Reginald announced me into the place like a princess. We then headed downstairs and had some lovely wine and chatted. I decided to sing that song to Reginald, letting him know that I knew his heart. We drank more, even broke out the hard spirits. We then headed to the hot bath, as I wanted to have my muscles limber for the night I had planned. Reginald even helped out with that by giving my back an exquisite back massage. His hands provided a lot of soothing to my muscles, as well as sending many pleasurable sensations across my skin. After he was done, I leaned back into his arms and basked in a mild afterglow of the attention he gave me, knowing that more was to come.

    He pulled me to the side and gave me a kiss on the lips. It was different to kiss a man who has a moustache on his face. After the kiss, I paused. Part of me hesitated. I'm Bonded to Braeth, yet here I am seducing another man. I thought about the two briefly. I recalled how Braeth was so willing to abandon hope for me in Atol's gave, while I made a deal for my life. I could have come back to have found him dead. Now, Reginald here… He will do anything for me. He told me so. No matter what happens to me, he will be there for me.

    My mind made up, I let loose into my lustful desires, and soaked in all the pleasures I could. Our night was one of complete bliss. The euphoria was so powerful I was seeing starts bursting before my eyes.

    Reginald, my sweet Reginald. You are mine, now. All mine. How can I let you go now?

    All mine.

    MINE!!!

    ((OOC - Braeth, I'll let you know what you sense through the bond from this night when I next see you online.))


  • ((OOC - Title this entry, "Fall from Grace."))

    Entry 63 -

    I fulfilled my promise today. I spent a night embracing my Anger. Such powerful Anger. The raw power that filled me was astounding, growing more as I let the Anger rise. As I let myself go, my mind drank on the euphoria that swept over me and images of bloodshed and death filled my vision

    I enjoyed it. Every minute of it.

    I don't know what to think of myself now. Part of me wishes to embrace those pleasurable sensations again. Another part of me is revolted at what happened. As I was talking to my friends after the Anger subsided, I couldn't help but wonder if they truly are my friends anymore. I know I'm not the same, do the old friendships remain? Cera I can tell still loves me, still thinks of me as her Mommy. It brings me some comfort. And Reginald still has that sad twinkle in his eye when he looks at me. The rest, I don't know for sure. Jade still seems to like me, but she just joined Rashid's order. Considering what is happening to me, can she be my friend? And Fishel? What does he think after seeing me so caught up in the power that crackled at my fingertips?

    One thing is clear to me. I am not the same Kara Willendt that existed before today. This struggle of good and evil, it means nothing to me now. Why did I bother so much before? It's a never ending struggle that will have no resolution. It's like stale bread, and I've grown sick of the bland taste.

    The elven name I chose no longer suits me "Amara Cal'Nuik" is gone. I'm still Amara, "Beautiful Woman," but the other part of that elven name I had chosen no longer suits me. "Faith?" It no longer burns in my heart. "Great Hope?" It lies shattered before me. Nay, I need a new elven name. I shall have to ponder what to take.

    I look at the damage I've caused to Wilhelm and Jade's shack, wondering how they can forgive me for it. They all can't trust me now. I'm not safe here. I know, I'll go to Cera. She still trusts me. I'm still her Mommy. I'll leave now before they wake up, just gotta gather my belongings.

    *** When Wilhelm and Jade wake up, they notice Kara has left the shack already. A quick search of the camp reveals that Kara is with Cera at the old woman Katya's tree. ***


  • *** The penmanship has become shakier, as if the author couldn't keep her hand steady from nervousness. But in a way, it doesn't seem sloppy, indicating she likely was paying full attention to what she wrote. ***

    Entry 63 -

    I traveled to Peltarch for a bit with Cera and Coin. I was apprehensive of making the journey, but Cera promised that Mojo would keep us safe. I thought about going to the Temple of Tyr, remembering that I had originally wanted to speak to the high priestess there on the day I was killed. But I couldn't bring myself to go. My spirit still felt too weak to work on cleansing my altar.

    Instead I went to the tavern with my companions. There we met Adam Bromley, and a person named Meril. The two started to talk about the theatre. Thinking of the theatre reminded me of Reginald and our experience with those Pretenders we had in the theatre. As I remembered how Reginald's love for me almost cost him his soul, my already sad mood deepened. Then another memory stirred, the song Mama used to perform which Reginald reminds me of. A song of unrequited love. I started to hum the melody to myself.

    I was snapped out of my reverie by a question from Adam. He asked why I was acting so sad, so unlike me. I told about how may amulet, my Hope, was gone. He chided me for thinking my hope is tied to that amulet, drawing some anger from me. He doesn't understand what it means to me!

    Meril then started to hum a song. It's melody hit me and I recognized it as the song I was just humming. I settled back into my sadness and started to hum along. He asked me what the song was, I think he enjoyed hearing the melody. I told him about the song, and how a friend reminded me of it. He wanted to know who was the friend. I couldn't bring myself to say, fearing that Reginald would not forgive me for revealing his secret. Instead, I decided to head to bed.

    Later I returned to the gypsy camp, finding Kanen and Adam sitting by a campfire, and Cera soon approached. Kanen noted my sadness and asked what was wrong, and I answered. Adam then made the suggestion that I try to find the amulet instead of moping about it. Cera and Kanen agreed, and Cera even offered that the lady Katya could help. I felt my spirit lift up some as I thought about it. I should go find it, instead of letting myself waste away.

    So we went and spoke to Katya. She did have a vision of where it is, but it scared her greatly. My amulet is with Atol. I felt my heart sink. How could I hope to get my amulet back from that man, who has killed so many? I left the woman's tree feeling very torn up. Now that I knew where it was, I felt I needed to get it. But I also feared the man who has it. Coin, Fishel, and Braeth had arrived and we all discussed about the amulet and how we could get it back. We finally decided to try to parlay. If that failed, then Braeth suggested that Cera use a special ability of hers to kill Atol. As far as I understand it, she can channel a giant burst of magical energy. I rested and prayed to Tyr, and was overheard by Doli. She decided to help us.

    After we were prepared, we made our way to Atol's lair. On the way we ran into some other friends, but we decided if we had too large of a group, we'd provoke Atol more than intended and thus didn't ask for additional help. The Winding Caverns where Atol made his home were filled with many traps and bandits. We handled the bandits well enough, but the traps… They caused great harm to us. Thus we found out we made a grievious mistake. We didn't have a person who could disarm the traps. Fishel was killed by one while fighting bandits, though the gods heard our prayers and brought him back to life for us.

    *** This penmanship becomes more shaky here, as if she's troubled by what she is next writing. ***

    Then I fell to a gruesome spike trap, it's blades ripped me apart. When I woke up on the Fugue plane, I heard a sinister, seductive voice behind me. I turned around and saw the succubus who resides on this plane. Seeing her unnatural, fiendish beauty reminded me of Justinia, which only made me loathe the creature more. She was pleased to see me, feeling me up as she talked to me. I was disgusted to have her touch me, but I must admit she knew the right spots to touch. She was very effective at making it hard for me to think. She mentioned that her Lord is interested in me. I replied my contempt at having yet ANOTHER demon wanting me. She then surprised me with a question.

    She asked me why I was so sought after, why I'm so unique. I must say that I've often asked the same question to myself, but never would quite figure out why. I first answered that it's because I have a pure soul (or a mostly pure one I at least hope). She laughed at me and said she can always get those somewhere. My second guess was my beauty, but she also laughed at that. I couldn't think of a third guess. She told me that I obviously still had some soul searching to do. That was odd to hear from a succubus. She said the reason for them wanting me was part of my charm.

    The succubus then made an offer to me. She said she would revive all the people on the Fugue plane, which totalled four people counting myself and Fishel who just appeared next to me. I would have to do just one favor in exchange. I apprehensively asked what the favor was, and was shocked at her response. She wanted me to spend a whole night in my anger. I fear the anger, because I become someone so different from me. But what I fear more is that I was almost possessed while I was in my anger. I was torn up inside, trying to decide. On one hand, I don't want to strike a deal with this demon, on the other, she's holding three other lives in the balance of my decision. And she wouldn't let me talk to Fishel about it. This was a decision I had to make on my own.

    I thought long and hard about her offer, which was no easy task as she kept feeling me up all the while. Her hands were very distracting. Finally, I decided. I knew I needed to confront my anger and hatred someday. Thus I agreed to her offer, since this was something I need to do anyways, and three other lives were at stake. I probably wouldn't have gone through with it if it was just my life. That fiend knew well to play on my compassion for others. I pray Tyr forgives me for striking a bargain with the succubus, but I couldn’t ignore the other three depending on me. Please let their lives be worth my one night in my anger.

    The succubus then resurrected both Fishel and I. I was dazed at first, wondering if I made the right decision. I then noticed that Braeth was out of it. He was filled with despair at my death, and was slipping away to Evermeet. I screamed at him, hugged him, shook him… doing all that I could to make him realize that I wasn't gone. Him giving up so much hope to be willing to die made me realize how foolish I had been. I couldn’t give up though. I made my way back to the living only to have him die on me? I couldn’t believe it.

    Thankfully he came back to me. I decided that we all should forget the amulet for now. I was afraid that more traps would kill us all. And I realized that I don’t need the amulet as much as I thought I did. Besides, Braeth seems to have given up hope, and Coin has as well. Coin saying “We are all doomed,” over and over. While we were on the way back to the camp, we witnessed two spontaneous ressurections. One was a girl that I saw on the Fugue that the succubus promised to raise. Glad to see she kept her promise. I noticed Braeth has a lot of anger now. He seems to not trust anybody that he doesn’t know. This worries me, especially considering what I’ll have to go through with the anger.

    Okay. Time for bed. And a lot of praying. For forgiveness. For cleansing.

    Tyr, please don’t let me fail you.


  • ((OOC - Big kudos to Kerby for coming to me OOC about the items taken from my character and volunteering to return one of them. It certainly made for some good RP, and does help my character on her journey out of depression.))

    *** The penmanship is straighter and clearer, indicating the author's mind was concentrating more on the task. ***

    Entry 62 -

    I can feel Braeth again. My Love has returned. It's good to feel him again.

    My Hope remains lost. I still feel an emptiness in my heart without it.

    Coin is bothered by those damn Pretenders. My Faith still burns inside me. I tell him to not listen to the Pretenders, they offer only lies. He sees the truth, yet worries.

    I traveled to Norwick with friends. Bandits attack us many times on our path. Stupid bandits. May they all face Justice's wrath. They took away my Hope!

    …My Hope...

    ...Love was returned to me, perhaps Hope will too?

    Then I will be whole.

    Please, Hope, return to me.


  • The words in this entry are very jerky and sloppy, as if the author did not have her full attention on the task of writing.

    Entry 61 -

    Pain

    Death

    Land of red

    Sorrow

    Cera?

    Guilt

    More pain

    Darkness then light

    Emptiness

    Friends

    Where is Hope?

    It’s gone

    One give me his hope, another give me hers

    They aren't my Hope

    My Hope is lost

    Braeth, where are you?

    I feel only silence reply

    I'm lost

    _((OOC - Okay, I owe it to you all to explain what's going on here. Kara had died last night. She and another were trying to go to Peltarch. Upon transitioning to a new area, we were suddenly ambushed by at least a dozen bandits, and quite a variety too so they made an effective raiding party. There was just two of us.

    Okay, so she died, so what? If the problem was that she just died, yeah she'd be sad, but she'd not be THIS bad. So what else?

    Well, I sent a nice RP tell to Cera that Mojo hears her "Mommy" has fallen somewhre on the Nars Pass north of the gypsy camp (I figure that was vague enough). Well, she did get my body, and my belongings. Just as she was coming up to the Gypsy camp, Atol popped up and swiftly killed her.

    So now Kara died, and feels she's responsible for getting Cera killed. But wait, there's more…

    Somebody must have gone through Cera's possessions because my magic items and a few other baubles were missing. Among them is Kara's amulet which is VERY PERSONAL to her, and the "Isilme Malveasta" (Or however it's spelled) which represents her Bonding to Braeth. Missing these two items makes a telling blow to Kara's spirit, which is magnified by her weakend spirit from dying and her guilt at getting Cera killed.

    Why is it that whenever Kara starts to feel better, something comes up and slams her down? It's like she takes one step forward, then gets knocked back two steps.

    EDIT: Don't worry, I do plan to have Kara recover somehow. Though truly, she won't fully recover until that amulet is back.))_


  • Entry 60 -

    I shall try to keep this short, for I’m only pausing to write this entry. I have spent the last couple of hours chanting and praying, and plan to spend the next few hours in the same manner.

    The day started out very well. I headed up to Peltarch with Reginald, Wilhelm, Cera, Braeth, Kanen, and Big Six. On the way we met up with Fishel, who was escorting some newer travelers to the city. And when we arrived, we found Seven resting at the gate. I had wanted to travel up here because I wanted to get a better tour of the theatre, and also to stop by the Temple of Tyr to inquire about a cleansing rite for my altar.

    We visited the theatre first, this being my second time seeing it. My, it is a grand theatre. I will have my mother perform in it when she visits. Reginald also showed us the back stage and private rooms. As time passed on, there only remained a few of us, Reg, Cera, and I. As I was telling a story my mother used to tell me, Cera suddenly started screaming as raw magic coursed around her. I saw the space around her twist in scary patterns. Then she suddenly vanished again. Reginald was very startled at this. Since I had seen it before, I wasn’t as scared, but I still prayed and worried for her safety.

    A few minutes later, a black armored man appeared before me. He introduced himself as Cervejas, and proceeded to tell me that I should denounce Tyr. He proclaimed to Reg and I that the gods we know are false and do not care for us. One of his companions, a woman named Kross also appeared to help convince us. They proclaimed themselves as the true gods. I’ll admit they shown displays of great power, but I cannot believe their words about my god. These Pretenders speak of caring and loving us, yet their actions show a more sinister mind. They preyed on our emotions and offered whatever we could desire, all we need do is turn our backs on our gods and follow them.

    In addition to playing on my emotions, Kross changed part of my body, thinking that making me more beautiful would sway me. But I grew angry at her attempts. I was perfectly happy with the natural beauty I was graced with and don’t need to have my breasts larger! She wisely changed them back. Cervejas tried to sway me first by using my parents, then trying to tempt myself with his handsome features. How could they say they are for good if they try seducing me from my Love?

    Reginald was tempted with the promise of a woman to love. He turned this down and then Kross tried to seduce him. He almost succumbed, I suspect he didn’t only because I was there.

    I recalled that Kanen had earlier mentioned about these Pretenders, saying Covah had changed to worhsipping them. I fear for the rest of the land and now am praying to Tyr for Justice and Truth to prevail.

    By Tyr! I just remembered that Wilhelm was talking to Fishel and Kanen earlier about their gods. Perhaps he was visited by these Pretenders and is starting to have a crisis of faith? Please let me be wrong.

    These Pretenders… they are reaching out for everybody. Very dark and sinister times are coming… I must pray…


  • ((OOC – First a story, and then diary entry. I felt that the events of last night needed more of a response from Kara besides a simple diary entry. Enjoy.))

    Kara watched Reginald leave the guestroom of the theatre that he let her stay the night in. Guilt and sadness shown on her face, though he was facing the wrong way to notice. As he closed the door, she let out a heavy sigh. "Not all were lies, Reginald," she quietly speaks, though she knows he couldn't hear her. She felt another pang of guilt as she thought about what that false god, Cerveja, said to her bard friend to tempt him. Kara had known previously that Reginald had fallen in love with her, the false god's words only confirmed it. It bothered Kara that she was causing her friend so much turmoil, since she was already Bonded to another. It stung even more to think that the turmoil could have cost Reginald's soul.

    "Those damn false gods!" she curses to herself. "Playing with our emotions and desires to get us to follow them. And they think they are better than the gods we follow now?" The priestess walked over to her bed, but kneeled in front of it instead of lying down. She felt she was tired, but she felt she needed to offer prayers to Tyr instead.

    Kara placed her holy symbol on the bed before her. She pulled her red hair back, feeling it still to be damp from her time spent in the bath. Her clothes were also damp, which felt chilly in the cool air. She ignored the cold and let out a few breaths to relax herself. Kara then picked up her holy symbol and began to speak a cleansing chant, to make sure no taint of the false gods remained on her. She followed with a chant of blessing, letting the words reaffirm her faith.

    The flame-haired priestess sat still for a moment, staring into her symbol of faith. Her green eyes looked over the scales then down to the hammer, reflecting on their meaning. She turned her mind inward, searching for herself, her beliefs, her reason for her faith. She allowed herself a smile, as she found what she sought and was pleased. Her faith in Justice, Truth, and Good burned as bright as ever. Perhaps it burned even brighter, as the events she witnessed only strengthened her belief. Satisfied, she gathered her thoughts and began to pray.

    “My Lord Tyr the Even-Handed, please hear this prayer from your faithful servant. I have been beset by many troubles lately. I’ve prayed to you for strength against the Hatred that consumes me, against the demon that tried to possess me, and against the dark wizard that haunts my friends and me. Though the problems still exist, I have felt your aid and know that I will overcome these problems.

    “Now a more dark and sinister cloud is covering the land. Four beings, which call themselves the True Gods, are challenging the faithful. These beings say you and your fellow Gods are false, and promise all that one could desire for denouncing you. Two of these Pretenders tried to get me to change my faith, as well as my friend, Reginald. They proclaim that they care about us, and are about love and good. Yet their actions betray themselves! They tried using our emotions against us, they altered our bodies without warning, and they even tried tempting me to betray the Love I have for Braeth!

    “Fortunately, I was able to ward off their attempts, for my Faith in you is strong. I know you do care for me, that I’m not a burden unto you. If I were such trouble, you would have left me for dead instead of resurrecting me! But not all have the strength of Faith that I do. I know Reginald almost fell into their hands. I suspect that my being there was all that kept him with us. Kanen has told me that Covah, who was a follower of a dwarven god, is not following one of these four Pretenders. I fear nobody is safe from this menace.

    “I come to you tonight to pray you give strength to others. Those weak in faith will fall prey to these Pretenders. I pray that all shall see the Truth of these beings. I pray that Justice will be prevail over these false gods. I pray especially for my friends, whom I would find myself lost without. Their loyalty gives me strength.

    “In your name, may Truth and Justice prevail.”

    Kara sits for another minute in silence, letting her words echo in her head. She then got up and sat on the bed, pulling her diary, inkwell, and quill from her backpack. She opened the diary to a fresh page, and started to write.


  • ((OOC - Cera giving Kara the top is perhaps the most kind, loving, and WISE act I have ever seen her do. Yes, I think I have plans for this top to help Kara. We shall see…))

    Entry 59 -

    Another council meeting today. I tried to get this Dagger problem worked out. Almost did too, but then Vashere’s replacement turned around and declined the post. I think I understand his reasons though. I really wish Vashere didn’t leave. Oh well, make do with what we can.

    I returned to the gypsy camp and met up with Wilhelm. I told him about how Yohan contacted me for a final time and that Jade and Seven are in danger. Cera then joined us. I also talked him how the hissing voice almost claimed me again. Wil agrees that I need to figure out a way to control the Hatred. I told him that Fishel has a few ideas, and I was wanting to have Pip show me some meditation techniques that could help.

    Cera heard my problems, and then did the sweetest thing I ever saw her do. She gave me her toy top. Coin had given it to her to ease her when she missed Sakura and Mojo’s many voices became louder. She gave it to me to try to help me against my voice. I pretty much had tears in my eyes when she gave it to me. The way she always tries to make me happy… and calls me her Mommy… It just pulls the strings of my heart. She is very dear to me. I’ll be very sad if something happens to her.


  • ((OOC - Okay, I did the diary entry for last night. YAY! I'm all caught up on my diary entries! I was only able to catch up on the extra day by doing much of the previous entry on my lunch break.))

    Entry 58 -

    I sent a message to Fishel to have him visit me as soon as possible. The recent ordeal I had with that hissing voice really scares me. I need to have this Hatred and Anger in control, or else the consequences could be terrible. To think I almost lost my soul twice. That’s a fate worse than death.

    Unfortunately, I received a very short message back from Fishel. “GOBLINS ATTACKING NORWICK!” Still feeling some sense of duty to defend my former home, I decided to brave the Nars Pass alone. I figured if I was overwhelmed by bandits, I could always drink that potion of invisibility I bought. I didn’t need to use it though. My protective prayer chants kept any attackers at bay.

    As I came up to the walls of the town, I found Fishel was outside ready to meet me. He said he was about to head up to me, since the goblins have been taken care of. We both headed into town, and noticed a bandit followed us. Within a few minutes, the town was beseiged by bandits, who kept tossing kegs of black power to try to blow up the gate. There was a good battle that raged on, I fought a little of it, but then I returned to inside the town to help with some healing. When I headed back out of the gate, I found that the defenders had raised a wall of fire using much wood and oil. What a wonderful blockade it made. And Coin was credited with the idea.

    Seeing that the battle was over, Fishel and I headed to the Inn to talk. I told him about how that hissing voice tried to take me while I was caught in my Hatred and Anger. He agreed that this was dire news indeed and we discussed various possibilities about getting control over my Hatred.

    Yohan then started to speak to me. He startled me at first. Something was after him. He sounded scared and gave me a last warning that Seven and Jade were in danger. “The one who hunts is the hunter… the one who comes hunts...” Then I felt another presense. It seemed to speak, but the I could only make out a few words. But I think I know who it was. It was Caleb. I know this because the necklace grew so cold after it “killed” Yohan. Cold enough to freeze! I will never forget the cold I felt when that demon came after me. It’s obvious to me that Seven and Jade are in danger from this thing, especially since Cera and a few others told me they saw Caleb in Norwick looking for Jade. I also fear that we all may find ourselves against this demon. The words I heard it utter made it sound like all involved in this will find themselves dead.

    After I realized Yohan was gone, I started to break down emotionally again. I was helpless in trying to help Yohan, and now he’s gone. Not just dead, he already was that. What happens when you kill a spirit? Along with the hissing demon that is after me, my Hatred that consumes me, hell, EVERYTHING else that wants me… It’s just too much to bear sometimes. It’s a wonder I survive in any fashion at all.

    Fishel was a bit alarmed at my sudden depression. He did remind me that I’m not alone though. I have many friends who are always willing to come to my aid. Some I barely know, yet they will do anything for me. Take Gidush for example. He stopped by earlier and was saddened to hear that I’ve been threatened by various things. He said he would willingly put his life on the line for me. So many people have faith in me. In a way, that contributes to my depression, as I fear failing in their hopes of me. On the other hand, it means that I have people who will support me, back me up. They have faith in me. They believe in me.

    It’s time I started believing in myself.


  • _((OOC - Damn game and server crashes. I hate how much money I waste on food. I especially hate it when I crash within 5 minutes after resting, thus not only wasting the food, but also clearing me out of spells for the next 8 game hours. Not to mention if you travel to a place and the server crashes, you suddenly will find yourself at your starting town. Kinda ruins the mood; I'm a sucker for continuity. Thanks Braeth for porting me to Norwick.

    Okay, rant over. I invite you to check out the silliness that I just had to write before I did this diary. Chibi-Kara Theatre! will be a somewhat regular column where I break away from the seriousness of Kara's predicaments and try to explain things about the character in a fun, hilarious, and zany manner.

    Also, I apologize for how late this diary entry is. I just couldn’t think well enough to write it after doing the CKT. Of course, now I still have to write another day’s diary entry… I’ll manage somehow.))_

    Entry 57 –

    By Tyr, what a headache I have this morning. Yesterday was another bad day.

    It started out nice enough though. I started off the day with Wilhelm, we headed out to see a friend of his, Telyle. We did get to meet him south of Norwick. Wil, his friend, Janu, and another who I can’t recall were talking about going to hunt Skara down. Unfortunately, we were unable to do so. Wil and I returned to the gypsy camp.

    There we met up with Reginald and Janu. Together with Wilhelm, the three each told me that they're always willing to help me any way they can. We all then started joking about how I was their queen. I've got my own little army of doom! HA HA HA!! Okay, maybe not doom… It's my own personal army of Justice though, right? Or is it Just us? Hee hee. It was so good to joke around like that.

    I really do appreciate their friendship and loyalty. I may wonder sometimes why all these people put so much faith in me, but without all their faith, I'd feel empty.

    So, we decided to head back to Norwick. I forget why I wanted to go back there. Wait! I remember! We had decided to explore the crypts again. It's been a while since I've been in some real combat, and I don't want my skills to get rusty. Besides, I'm always up for a round of undead smashing. So after some quick rest and preparation, we four headed south for Norwick.

    As we neared the town, I heard a hissing noise again. It startled me for a moment, then I truly felt scared as I realized what I heard. The hissing voice was reaching out for me again. This time it was urging me to let myself go into my Anger. I refused to listen to it, and warned my companions of what the voice was trying to do. Disaster struck when we came up to the walls of Norwick. In the conversation I was having, something I began to say harkened to memories that drew the Anger forth.

    As usual, I don't recall what I said or did while I was consumed by the Hatred and Anger. I do have a couple of rememberances, though. I recall lightning striking me many times, which people did say happened. The lightning didn't hurt though, it seemed to fuel me. I also recall the voice was whispering to me the whole time. I'm not sure what it was saying, but I'm sure it was gleefully trying to get me to submit to it. When I started to get my senses back, I could hear it utter one last message to me as it faded away, telling me I should submit to it... telling me I am the chosen.

    As the Anger left me, I felt very tired and collapsed to the ground. I was so scared as I realized what almost happened. I almost lost my soul. I was so sad, frightened, and worn out. And embarrassed. Many people were gathered around me. How many think I'm crazy? I needed a drink and a more comfortable place to sit, so my friends suggested going to the Inn. Reginald offered his arm, which I took gladly and hugged onto. I hurt inside, sorely needing a friend, and Reginald is one of the best friends I could have.

    Wilhelm, Kanen, Janu, and Reginald took me to the Inn and promptly got me a few mugs of ale. They all got some drinks for them as well, though Kanen only had a couple. The rest of us got pretty drunk. I'm glad they all tried to lift my spirits. After I really got tipsy, Reginald and Kanen both could tell I needed some sleep, and thus escorted me to my room. I think I practically fell asleep on the way to the bed. After a few hours, I woke up from a disturbing dream. I exited my room and noticed Reginald was sleeping back at the stairway.

    Poor Reginald. The way he cares for me reminds me of a sad song my mother sometimes sang in her performances. A song about unrequitted love. I feel so guilty for breaking his heart like I do.

    I stayed up for a little bit talking to both Reg and Kanen, then headed back to bed.

    Hangovers aren't fun. Especially when your head hurts from a mental struggle you had before getting drunk.