3. A Quest for Tyr - Kara Willendt's Diary

A Quest for Tyr - Kara Willendt's Diary


  • Entry 72 –

    The day was a mostly relaxing day. A bard named Meril stopped by the gypsy camp. We decided to go to Peltarch. I needed to get out for a bit. And I thought it’d be nice to spend some time with people other than my usual friends. Plus he mentioned Karli wanted to see me.

    Thanks to a spellsong to make us invisible, we had no trouble making it to Peltarch. We met up with Karli who was in the Dancing Mermaid Inn. She was there with an elf named Sii'olmen, Sil for short, who is a minstrel. There was also this strange man who was naked. He finally left after we told him to get some clothes. Karli looks like she is much happier than when we last meet very long ago. Back then she was quite upset and troubled with her faith. Now she’s in service of Sune and looks like she’s going to be having a child soon.

    Actually, there is great irony here. Now I’m the one lacking of a god’s favor and she has found hers.

    Then, of course, she suddenly realized something else. “Oh…are you that Kara?” she asks. Upon hearing that question, I knew that the whole situation with Braeth and Reg will haunt me forever. To further my embarrassment, she also asked if the moustache was “nice.” I did my best to not let the situation bother me. I was actually going to tell her the whole story, but with all the interruptions I never got the chance. Interruptions like that strange man suddenly attacking Sil.

    We also noticed that Meril seems to have a little thing going for Alannia, as he was saying her name in his sleep. After he woke up though, he denied it to Karli and then even said he already had a love. Karli was quite surprised.

    So I stayed overnight at the theatre, Meril was kind enough to let me, and then returned to the Gypsy Camp. I found Coin and Cera sitting with each other in the gathering circle in the camp. They both were in a good mood. We all went for a walk. Coin asked Cera if she still had a shield they found, but she didn’t. It was a “Shield of the Faithful” according to Coin. I guess such a thing will be of use to me when I do return to Tyr’s favor.

    We then found Kanen sitting by a fire in the Gypsy Pass. His duel with Salina went in his favor, of course. He still seems to be very sad about something though. He told me that he and Cila had broken up a while ago. It seems she had lied to him about how she really felt. She did to Kanen what I did to Reginald, basically. He also had news that the Temple of Tyr was going to set a section aside for the Order of Paladins. We talked about other various things, Braeth, Wil and Jade, Devon, my amulet…

    My amulet… I’ll be honest. I do wish I had it back in my possession. It held, and still holds, great personal importance to me. But I now realize I was foolish in thinking I needed it so badly. Yes, it was a symbol of hope to me, but I still have hope without it. But Atol has it now I do fear that man greatly. On one hand, it’s probably safe in his possession, as I doubt Devon’s minions will be able to forcefully take it from him. On the other hand, I fear Devon making a deal with Atol for it.

    At least I won’t willingly give it over. Perhaps I should retrieve it. But I could be killed trying to do it, and I truly fear seeing that succubus of the Fugue plane again.

    Lucia came over. The three of us talked for a bit and the subject of the gnolls to the north came up. Kanen expressed a desire to see the gnolls, so I let him through the gypsy camp to have a look.

    Kanen and I decided to head in for the night. I slept for a little bit, but something was nagging me in the back of my mind. So I got up and wandered around for a bit. I figured I just needed to work out a little. I headed into the Hidden Pass to fight some spiders. Spiders don’t scare me like they used to. I still hate the little buggers though. After a little fighting, I ran into Cera and Coin. Cera wasn’t feeling good at all, as she was bitten by a bark spider. I remembered my near death at fighting one of those and recalled how the venom made my flesh feel like it was on fire.

    We returned to the Gypsy Pass, and Cera went off to rest and heal her body. Braeth arrived and he, Coin, and I talked for a bit about Sakura. Then a woman named Vani came over, and Braeth began to talk about the bandits and how we should be working at understanding them rather than just trying to persecute them. He, Coin, and Vani had a big debate about it. Janu and Call also came by and joined in on the discussion. I was getting tired however, and headed in for the night.

    And this time I finally did get a full nights sleep. Although I the dream wasn’t that great. For some reason, it involved watching Devon fight off some knights, decimating them with no problem.


  • Entry 71 –

    Sorry I didn’t write the other day. We did have a guild council meeting. It went well. Seven has joined us as the head of the Soldiers. Despite the fact that I have fallen out of favor with Tyr, they are all willing to have me stay as the head of the Temple. I honestly tried to stand down from it but they insisted I stay. I think they have confidence that I will regain my god’s favor.

    For the past couple of weeks I had been torn by guilt over what I did to Reginald. I kept wondering if he would ever forgive me. I couldn’t forgive me. Love is one of the ideals I’ve held in high regard, and I went and smashed it. Whenever I saw Reginald, my heart would sink. I couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing that I was a cause of great sadness.

    Wilhelm did try to comfort me, telling me that Reginald did forgive me. He told me that Reginald had just as hard of a time seeing me. I know Wilhelm was probably telling the truth, but still, it brought little comfort.

    I needed to hear it from Reginald.

    Cera and Coin both tried to get me to build up the courage to talk to Reginald. Coin offered that I should write a letter, and I did start one. See, here it is. “Dear Reginald.” Well, that’s as far as I got. I sat for a few minutes trying to think of what to write and drew blanks. Then Coin came over, crumpling up a note he just received by. Norwick was under attack. I quickly put away the letter and strapped on my armor, intending to go with Coin. Instead, Coin insisted that Cera and I stay at the camp and quickly left without us. I stayed, though I really wanted to go help. But I knew I was not much of a warrior, and without my spells there would be little else for me to do other than fight.

    So I turned around and saw Jade, Hugh, and Reginald. Again my heart sank. But Cera was there to give me a push, Mojo said that he and I need to talk. I knew Mojo was right. But I was so scared to approach him. Finally, I gathered my courage to ask.

    And thus we finally talked to each other for the first time since my confession to Reginald. Reginald forgives me.

    It’s like a weight has been lifted from me.

    After my chat with Reginald, I headed to the Gypsy Tree, thinking that Cera probably headed there to help out Katya as usual. Indeed she was there, but she didn’t look to good. She told me Coin had just been killed. Remembering what it was like to feel your Bonded soulmate die, I immediately went to comfort her. I hugged her and had both of us pray for Coin’s return. Shortly after praying, she felt Coin was alive again. It was a relief, but short lived. A few minutes later, just after we left the Tree, she almost collapsed on me. Coin died AGAIN. I again held her, comforted her, told her not to give up hope. We prayed again.

    Then Imphras came over. We asked him to take us to Norwick, since that is where we last knew Coin to be. We told him that Coin had died. He agreed, but just before we left, Cera again felt that Coin was alive again. Imphras was understandably perplexed at how she could know this, but he has never experienced an Elven Bond before. We still decided to head to Norwick, if only to make sure Coin does not die again! Imphras proved to be a good escort, checking the road ahead for us and then signaling to us when it was clear.

    We found Coin in the Friar’s house. He was raised by Amissa. She told me of how bandits had attacked the town and that many people had been killed. They brought another war machine with them. Damn those bandits. At least the town won in the end, but it looks to be at a heavy price.

    I talked with the others, for a little while. I met one new person, named Xixia. She’s certainly a very attractive woman and knows it. Flaunts it too. But, I do have to agree with her philosophy. “Easier to go through life being happy rather than sad.” There’s wisdom to that. Imphras also mentioned about those Pretenders. I told him how they were evil, manipulative liars that tried to sway me from Tyr.

    Ironic, isn’t it? They failed to take me from Tyr, but I did it to myself so easily. At least I’ve seen the light and wish to return to him.

    As I was heading to my room in the Inn, I noticed Coin looking quite glum. He asked me if he was a failure. He thought himself powerless. Can’t say I blame him for feeling that way. Two deaths in a row? I told him that he was not a failure nor powerful. Figuring that he felt weaker from being raised twice, I decided to tell him how he was powerful in ways other than his body. I pointed out how he loves Cera and how she loves him. “Love is powerful thing. Thus if you love, then you share it’s power.” I also pointed out how I was not a powerful warrior, yet others see me as a strong person. I always would wonder why they think I’m strong, and now realize it. I’m strong because of my love for friends, family, life. I have a strong heart and it shows.

    Coin appreciated my words. I felt great satisfaction in that. Though I may not be granted Tyr’s blessings, I still am able to help people.


  • Entry 70 –

    I finally confessed to Reginald at what I had done to him. I'm so ashamed at taking his heart and smashing it to pieces. The guilt I have over this is overwhelming. I hope he can forgive me.

    I can't forgive myself.

    It didn't help that Hugh had walked up while I was confessing. Not that Hugh isn't a nice man, but he tends to be a bit naive and can ask the wrong questions. And when Braeth walked up, I really started to dread. Thankfully, Braeth only said he forgave Reginald and was sorry for mistreating him.

    Will Reginald ever forgive me?

    Braeth comforted me afterward. I'm amazed he can still love me after what I did, but I'm glad he does. We decided to go visit Norwick, see how the town has been fairing since we left. Not much has really changed. I did receive a big surprise though. As we walked around trying to find old friends, I saw a strange girl with pink hair. Yes, PINK. She then bounced over to Braeth and I, hugging each of us and calling us Granpa and Granma.

    Somehow, I was staring into the face of a grown up Sakura.

    I know it doesn't make sense when you think about it at first. Cera's daughter, Sakura, had been stillborn because of the magics of the well. But I remember she at one point pretended that Sakura was still alive, and mentioned pink hair. Considering that, and Cera's ability to rift, I didn't discount the possibility that somehow a Sakura could visit us. The best that I and Call can tell, she seems to be seventeen years into the past, AND also in a different… well, I suppose plane would be the best word. I mean, if this was the Sakura of our future, she wouldn't exist, so she has to be from an alternate reality.

    By Tyr that sounds so far fetched. But when it comes to Cera, I've learned to expect the strange.


  • _((OOC - Well, yeah, I think it is probably over for Reg. If Braeth didn't seem so willing to take Kara back, she probably would stick with Reg though. But so far, Braeth has said he both forgives her and still loves her.

    But she is SO dreading confessing to Reg. She will, but she dreads it all the same.))_

    Entry 69 -

    Coin was glad to see me doing better. I had decided to wear the other outfit I bought at Peltarch, and he gave a nice compliment on it. While we discussed the two outfits I owned and whether I still wanted the more revealing outfit, Adam Bromley approached us.

    He first asked if we knew anything about a certain symbol, a snake on a crest I think it was. I didn't know anything about it, but Coin mentioned something about those false gods, Cervejas and Kross. He also wondered if Jade was about, so I went and checked to see if she was at her shack but got no answer to my knocking on the door. I returned to Adam and let him know that she wasn't home, and noticed Piggu had arrived also.

    I had apologized to Adam for any mistreatment I may have given him the past couple of months that I let anger rule me. He said he never noticed, as he tries not to let others bring him down. I couldn't help but admire his optomistic attitude. Knowing that he was part of the Bardic Colledge and Theatre, I asked him to let Reginald know that I needed to see him. Adam disagreed at doing it because last he knew Braeth had still wanted to kill Reginald. I tried my best without going into detail that Braeth wasn't going to kill him.

    Braeth showed up and exchanged a few words with Adam and Coin about the situation of the love triangle I created. Braeth went away, followed shortly by Adam. Piggu and Coin both started to recite poetry, much to my enjoyment. I needed a good distraction from the guilt of this love triangle I created. Unfortunately, it was short lived, as Braeth returned with Jany and Chael'vin. It was funny to see the head of Spellweaver Keep sneaking about in the camp. It seems he's angered Sammie in a previous visit. Gypsies tend to hold grudges.

    Coin then decided to rile Braeth’s anger. They kept taunting each other, getting angrier at each other. The things they were saying, talking about me, my Anger, the way Braeth treated me during that dark time… I couldn’t stand to hear it. Both talking like they know what I was going through. Talking like they fully understood the Anger that gripped me. It was making me so furious. And the way Coin was attacking Braeth’s character made me even angrier. I kept yelling at them to stop because their bickering and fighting was angering me. But they wouldn’t listen, even attacked each other! Seeing Cera get so upset that she rifted away tipped me over the edge.

    I had to run away. If I stayed any longer, the Anger inside me certainly would have gotten out of control. I ran north and sat by a tree and took some deep breaths to calm myself. Thankfully, it only took a few minutes to regain my composure. I headed back, still intent on making the two idiots stop their fighting. I threatened them with not holding back this time.

    Then I saw Braeth start to break down emotionally. All the emotions he had kept hidden inside him let loose. I sat with Braeth and held him as he wept and cried out about losing his parents, about losing me, about how his mentor had told him to hold back his emotions. Braeth thought emotions were a sign of weakness. That’s not true. Emotions give us strength. It’s that strength that everybody sees in me. I held Braeth, comforted him, told him that he was strong for his emotions, told him not to dwell on the past.

    My words must have eventually sunk in after about a half an hour. He stood up and had the look of a person that has just opened his eyes for the first time. In this case, it was not his eyes that now were open, but his heart.

    And that’s when I realized what Coin had tried to do by his actions.

    I just hope he doesn’t try the same thing with me.

  • I

    ((aaahhh well, it was good while it lasted for ol Reggie. I have a feeling you were the best he ever had 😉 … heh))


  • Entry 68 -

    It’s amazing how you only realize what you’ve had when it’s gone.

    I found Cera’s dead body in the tree today, alongside Coin and Carnival’s bodies. I don’t know how they died. I knew Cera had disappeared into that magical land she can go into, but I just assumed she’d return at some point. But to see her dead in front of me? Even in my anger-maddened state, seeing her dead shook me up greatly.

    Cera was perhaps the only person I truly cared about while I had let myself be ruled by my hatred and anger. I started to panic, I needed Cera, as she was the only person I thought still cared for me no matter what, besides Reg. I checked the bodies to see how much gold there was, hoping there would be enough to have Cera Raised. Between their gold and mine, I didn’t even have enough to pay for the small diamond. I ran out of the tree and over to Jade and Wilhelm’s shack. I pounded my fists on the door, hoping they’d be home, but I received no response. Dejected, I returned to the tree and sat by the bodies.

    Katya noticed the bodies and I asked her to Raise Cera like she Raised me. It took a few minutes for it to register to the old woman, when she realized that Cera was her assistant who brought those spider eyes. Katya then asked me to do something that I feared to do. She asked me to pray to my god to give her strength to do the task.

    Pray? When I had fallen out of favor from my god? Inside, I could feel the old me stir. If I didn’t pray, Cera wouldn’t be able to return. For a moment, I could feel the good and bad sides of me fight for control. The good wanted to pray, and the bad feared doing it. In the end, my love for Cera won and I prayed.

    And Tyr answered. A messenger from Tyr appeared before me in a flash of light. She told me I had fallen away from Tyr’s path. Told me that I could not pray for others until I learned to pray for myself. Both her and Katya kept yelling at me to pray, to love myself and others… My head pounded in pain a few times as my mind tried to shake off the grip of the anger so that I may become myself again. I prayed. I confessed all, telling of how I let the anger control me, how I betrayed Braeth, how I used Reginald, how I was ashamed of myself. With each moment, my heart opened up and my feelings spilled forth. I could hear the voice of that messenger, prodding me with questions as I prayed.

    And then I looked up and saw Cera and Coin revived. I cried, glad that they came back. Glad that Tyr heard my prayers. I cried and talked with them, asking them to forgive me, telling of my sorrow at what I had done. Of course, they forgave me. Of course, they understood that I wasn’t acting like myself.

    I then thought I heard Braeth. I tried to find him, but didn’t see him. I knew I needed to see him, to both confess and apologize for what I had done. I thought I heard him again and spoke what I wanted to say knowing he was somewhere. Then he stepped out of the shadows and forgave me.

    He forgives me. Forgives and still loves me. It makes me so glad to know it. I’m still shocked that he does love me still. I betrayed him in the worst way a person could betray her mate.

    Of course, there’s Reginald to worry about. I betrayed him deeply as well, though he doesn’t realize it. I let the angry part of me use him for revenge and lust. He loves me very much, as much as Braeth did perhaps, and I just used him like a tool. I didn’t love him at the time. I loved him before, but not in the way he would have wished. I feel immense guilt for this.

    It’s going to crush him when I confess this to him.

    At least I can love and hope again. At least I don’t have the anger controlling me. The anger is part of me, but there is still something unnatural about it. The night I let it take over me, I felt something deep inside me, something that wanted to be unleashed. The fact that I had lightning arching around me when I was fully angered is also an indication that something supernatural is with this anger.

    But for now, I shall just worry about getting my life back. I have many friends I need to confess and as forgiveness from. And I also have to find some way to regain the favor of Tyr.

    The important thing is that Amara Cal’Nuik is back.


  • Entry 67 -

    *** This page is blank, except for the date at the top. ***


  • ((OOC – Story time instead of a regular diary entry. This will allow me to show her thoughts better this time around. Oh, and just to let you all know, the previous diary entry only had the OOC comments I made taken out. The IC content remained unchanged. So don’t think some DM came along and told me to butcher my diary entry. And Hugh, that dress may have contributed to the seduction, but it was going to happen even if she didn’t have it. Trust me. She didn’t have any moral thoughts there.))

    Kara stumbled back into the old lady’s tree, her head swarming with many thoughts. Thoughts that needed to be sorted out. Feelings that needed to be sorted out. The red-haired woman walked over to the pot on the fire and pulled out her diary. She always found the best way to sort her thoughts were to write them down.

    She started off by marking the date at the top of the next page. Then she stopped and tried to figure out what she wanted to write. She tried to recall the events of the day. First she was talking to Doli. Doli… Something about her was still nagging at Kara. Doli’s questions bothered Kara. Rather, it was the answers to those questions that bothered her.

    Then Braeth came. Kara’s eyes flashed with anger as she recalled seeing him. He who is taking her Reginald away. “He abandoned me, that BASTARD!” Kara shouted to herself, startling Jeni who was playing nearby. “And he calls me the BETRAYER!”

    ‘_But you did betray him_,’ a little voice in Kara’s head spoke. It took a moment for her to realize who the voice was. It was the real Kara. It was Amara Cal’Nuik.

    “HE DID IT FIRST! Leaving me when I came back to him…”

    ‘_But he did come back_.’

    “SHUT UP! He must PAY! THEY ALL MUST PAY!!”

    ‘_No!_’ cries the inner voice, ‘_Look at who we’ve become! What about what we-_’

    “I SAID QUIET! You are DEAD! No longer NEEDED! Faith is gone, Hope is gone, and Love is dying away! YOU AREN’T REAL ANYMORE!!”

    The inner voice could only utter a scream of despair.

    Thoughts and images of death and bloodshed filled Kara’s mind, letting her anger and bloodlust rise. With each image came a small burst of pleasure. Each of the burst of pleasure joined with each other, stripping Kara of her senses. She started to welcome each image, each thought of death. She could feel the power starting to sing throughout her body. Magical lightning started to spark around her body. She could feel a fire burning in her heart, wanting to consume everything.

    “I AM AMARA KORNESIAT NOW!” shouted Kara with an dark voice. “AND I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!”

    The former cleric stood up, her eyes glowing white and her skin radiating wisps of white energy. She turned to leave, to let loose her fury on those who deserved the punishment. Fate intervened, as she tripped on the stool, sending her crashing to the floor. Kara uttered an elven curse she once heard Jade shout, and some lightning sparked around her. She started to get up, placing her hand on the ground, next to a doll.

    The doll caught her eye, and she quickly snatched it to get a better look. It was Cera’s doll, made to in the likeness of Kara. On it’s head was the lock of Kara’s hair she asked for. The memory of Cera burned through the red haze of the bloodlust. Cera’s love, happiness, and innocence resonated deep inside Kara.

    ‘_You drove her away_,’ the inner voice of the former Kara spoke.

    “No!”

    ‘_Drove her away, and now Reginald is driven away_.’

    “Shut up!”

    ‘_And Braeth. He still cares for you, yet you drive him away_.’

    “They weren’t driven away!” Kara screamed back. “THEY ARE ALL ABANDONNING ME! THEY SHALL-”

    ‘_NO! Listen to yourself. All the people who care for you have left because of you. You have become your own worst enemy_,’ the inner voice respoded sadly.

    “DAMN YOU WILL YOU JUST-”

    Kara fell to the ground, clutching her head as her face twisted in pain. Inside, the two halves of herself fought, trying to gain control. Images from both sides burst into being, like sparks flashing off of clashing swords. One moment she was seeing her morningstar killing some poor fool, his skull fracturing under the crushing blow. The next she was seeing herself clapping along to a song from a bard. They keep alternating, images of death and images of life. The stark contrasts wreck havoc on her senses, as her head feels like it is going to explode any moment.

    Suddenly, she let loose a scream of pure pain and anguish, and passes out.

    She woke up sometime later, her head pounding with a terrible ache. She opens her eyes and sees Katya staring back at her.

    “Well, girl, are you alright? You gave me and Jeni quite a fright with that.”

    It took a moment for the question to register. “I’m fine,” she growled. “Just leave me alone.”

    ((OOC – ‘Amara Kornesiat’ translates to “Beautiful Woman with the Black Heart of Fire.”))

  • ?

    Boy…I never should have chose that outfit. Seems like that's what caused all of this mess! 😛


  • Entry 66 -

    *** There are many lines of the author starting to write something and then crossing it out, like she's having trouble thinking of what to write. After almost a page of this, the following is written. ***

    Forget it. I can't bring myself to write.

    ((The OOC note has been edited out per DM request. And I agree as to why. The IC diary entry remains as it was originally written.))


  • ((OOC - it was interesting to switch gears back to a normal Kara to write this letter and get the song finally posted. The two mindsets are fun to compare against each other. I really wanted to share that song with more people than just Reginald. Tell me if you liked it. I very rarely write poetry.))

    Entry 65 -

    The Alliance is getting to be a waste of time. There was supposed to be a Council meeting. I showed up since I didn’t want anybody to get more concerned about me. Only Pip was there. This guild has become so disorganized. Pathetic, really. What does it matter anyways. As I said before, this struggle of good and evil is so pointless and stale. I shouldn’t even bother coming anymore.

    I let Pip escort me back to the gypsy camp. I had no desire nor need to stay at the guildhall. On the way we ran into a few bandits. I must’ve startled Pip with the way I kept bashing my weapon against the bloodied bodies of those foul bandits. “You’ve got to let your anger go,” he says to me like I’m his student. What does he know of Anger? He cannot understand this Anger that burns in me, fueling me.

    Shortly after I arrived at the camp, Wilhelm approached me. He was looking for Jade, unsurprisingly. I couldn’t help but be a little nervous around him considering the damage I did to his shack. He should be upset with me. But he’s not said a word about it. I felt a thrill when he complimented my new outfit though. He said he’d make more comments on it but was afraid that Jade might be within earshot. Coin also stopped by with this little halfling woman. Liona was her name. Kept calling us all ugly. I almost wanted to ring her little neck for the insult. Wilhelm left and then my Reginald arrived.

    I was starting to get bored, though Reginald did liven the mood some. Coin was going on about something having to do with massages. That’s when Liona asked if I wanted to go kill some spiders. I figured why not. I needed to kill something, and I do hate spiders. Besides, I might be able to see this insulting halfling die a painful death. She happened to be a very good shot though, which impressed me. Killing spiders was fun, but not nearly as satisfying as doing the same to a bandit.

    The halfling also surprised me by showing me some kindness, by giving me a potion of healing, that I didn’t expect considering her earlier insulting nature. Besides, I had to admit that she certainly was enjoying the hunt. I was starting to respect her spunky attitude. We traveled far to the south, killing all the spiders we could find. Then this barking spider attacked. Nasty little bugger. It had a very poisonous bite that made my flesh feel like it was on fire. Liona had fallen to it, but I saved her with a potion of healing I was saving. I figured that it’d be best not to let her die, especially since I wasn’t finished killing this barking spider yet. I needed her to help, as I felt very weakened by the poison. Finally, we did kill it, and decided to return to camp, having been hurt enough.

    After resting some at camp, I felt the poison had left my body, but my wounds had festered nastily. Liona again showed me kindness by giving me another potion to heal. Afterward, we sat by the fire waiting to see if Coin and Reginald would return. This elf soon approached us, asking if we’ve seen his brother. Boy, did Liona give him a good few insults. Drove him away, she did! I must say my own attitude helped, I think. I can’t help but like her some. I think I do need a new companion, somebody who doesn’t know the old Kara. If anything, at least she’s good for the potions and entertainment. And she doesn’t look too hard to thump my morningstar into if she does turn on me.

    The halfling went off to bed, and Reg and Coin came back. And a naked gnome. The elf decided to go off with the gnome. Still wanted to find his brother. Reg decided to go try to keep the fools from killing themselves. I started to follow, since it could involve bashing some bandits. Cera popped out of nowhere before I left the camp. I decided to get that holy symbol back from her. I didn’t want her thinking something was strange of me by not having the holy symbol, like she probably already was thinking. She didn’t want to hand it over at first, saying she wanted to wait until I was “happy again.” I can’t help but admire the way she still holds such affection for me. I did finally convince her to give it to me, offering a lock of my hair in return. She said Mojo wanted the hair to remember me by.

    I shouldn’t have taken the holy symbol back. Within minutes of my touching it, the symbol tarnished and corroded, and eventually broke in half. A telling sign that I’m not the same anymore. And Reg, Cera, and Coin all witnessed it.

    The elf didn’t survive, Reginald had dragged him back. The gnome did. For some reason he was invisible, not knowing how. Strange magics flared around him, surprising us all. Finally, a creature appeared out of thin air like it was summoned. A divine creature. A large, divine creature. I grew very afraid, thinking it was sent from Tyr to punish me. Thankfully, it did nothing and soon disappeared.

    And Doli appeared. My instincts told me she perhaps summoned the creature, and I shot her a glance. She didn’t like my mistrust and scolded me for it, as she had helped me before in Atol’s cavern. Telling me that I should not forget who are my friends. Bah. Are they all still my friends? I’m not the same, how can the friendships be? Still, somewhere deep inside me I could feel some truth to what she was saying. So I just played along and looked the part of a scolded child. I did not want her angry with me, she does have great magical powers after all.

    She said some strange things to Reginald, trying to hint at something. Saying something about him being a changer of things in this world. I wonder what she meant. Finally, she disappeared and Reginald soon went to bed. I went to bed shortly afterward.


  • *** Stuffed in the back of the diary is a letter that Kara had written to Reginald, with the intent of him reading it if she didn't survive her night under the Anger. Since she did survive (at least physically), she took the letter back from him. ***

    Dear Reginald,

    If you are reading this letter, it would mean that something did happen while I submerged myself in that awful Anger. I know you probably think it's a bit strange that I chose to write you a letter and not the rest of my friends. There's been something I've wanted to share with you, and if I'm no longer the person I am, then it behooves me to write this down so that you will hear it.

    Lately, whenever I see you are think of you, I keep remembering a song my mother had written and performed quite a few times. I think you'll see why after reading it.

    _-Unrequited-

    It caught me by surprise
    What I saw before my eyes
    An angel sent from the heavens above
    And I stand here knowing
    From a glance and a smile
    It's my Love

    I am frozen in this place
    I look upon my dear Love's face
    Bright eyes like emeralds reflecting the sun
    Leaving me standing here staring
    At a glance and a smile
    From my Love

    This feeling I have, soaring so high
    It's as if I can pluck out the stars from the sky
    Being this close to Love washes away all my fear
    My heart beats strong as I try to keep my Love near

    Alas…

    I see my Love standing with another
    Their arms wrapped around each other
    My world comes crashing down around me
    And I stand here waiting
    Hoping
    Praying
    For a glance and a smile
    From my Love_

    I've known for quite a while that you love me, Reginald. Though, it did take Jade to point it out to me. I feel so guilty that I cause you such heartache. I especially felt torn when that false god tried to lure you with your feelings toward me. I unintentionally endangered your soul in that.

    I wish I could give you what you deserve. You really do need a person like me to be with you always. If things had gone differently, perhaps you'd have been with me and Braeth would have had this unrequited love.

    Let your love be unrequited no more. I do love you, my dear bard. Perhaps not as you wish me to, but I do love you none the less. Please treasure the time you've spent with me, and never stop singing.

    ~Kara Willendt~


  • ((OOC - I told you that diary entry was going to be a bit disturbing.))


  • Oh my. I hope that mustache fits in your coffin, Reg… 😛

  • I

    Godd@mn, am I in trouble.

    ::looks in the shadows for a white haired elf with a dagger or an overly possessive, firery red-head::


  • Entry 64 -

    People are bothering me, pestering me. I can feel their questioning stares crawl over me, trying to dig into me. What do they want from me? What are they planning? Is there anybody I can trust?

    Yes, of course there is. I can still trust Cera. I'm her Mommy. Cera, my dear Cera. She listens to her Mommy. And Reginald, my sweet Reginald. Mine, all mine. I'm still not sure about Braeth. We are bonded, so his heart is open to me, but on the other hand, my heart is open to him. And I still can't forgive him for almost giving up on me in Atol's cave.

    Why couldn't Cera leave that holy symbol alone though? I don't want it anymore. It means nothing to me now. Can't she see it only brings me pain to see it? She just had to let Fishel know. He'll be pestering me, I know it. Can't they all just leave me alone? No, they can't. Even the gypsies stopped to stare at me. And Kashana kissed Reg's cheek! How dare she! He loves me!

    I just couldn't stand it all. I needed out, to get away from all of them. I told Reg I wanted to go to Peltarch. He agreed to go with me, like I knew he would. We started to leave, but to my annoyance, we were interrupted by Hugh who had a present for Reginald, a set of clothes. The foolish monk went and got an outfit meant for a woman! I asked Reginald for it, since it did look ridiculous on him. Wow, what a racey outfit. It has a very open and tight front, which had everybody oogling. Hugh nearly had his eyes pop out of their sockets. I must say I enjoyed all the stares at my body. I started feeling some desires awaken in me.

    I told Reg that we should get going, and we started off. Hugh and Jade also decided to leave, though it again annoyed me. I was pleased though, to see both run off ahead of us. Well, partially pleased. They had all the fun of killing the bandits. At least they didn't kill all of them. One tried to sneak up on me, but she couldn't pierce my armor. Angered at the annoyance, I quickly smashed her with my morningstar and beat her into a bloody pulp. Seeing the blood fly from her wounds sparked a fire in me. I kept hitting her, even after she fell, taking in more euphoria as it burned through my body. I stopped when Reg spoke, and feeling a different desire surface. Lust. I gave one last kick to the corpse and then started walking again with a faster pace.

    All the while, I was trying to charm Reginald, though I know it wouldn't take much. He's loved me for a long time. Yes, he still reminded me about that song of my mother's. Such unrequited love. It was time I changed it. I reminded myself that I should work slowly though, least I scare him away by acting to different from my old self. When we got to the city, I decided on a plan. First, I wanted to go shopping for an outfit. The new one was nice, but I wanted to replace my old outfit with yet another. Reg suggested a nice tight outfit that showed off my curves well, where as Hugh's gift showed off my bosom well.

    While we were shopping, a lot of people started showing up. I just wanted to be alone with Reg, dammit! I asked Reginald to take me to the theatre. There we can have drinks and privacy. Sweet Reginald announced me into the place like a princess. We then headed downstairs and had some lovely wine and chatted. I decided to sing that song to Reginald, letting him know that I knew his heart. We drank more, even broke out the hard spirits. We then headed to the hot bath, as I wanted to have my muscles limber for the night I had planned. Reginald even helped out with that by giving my back an exquisite back massage. His hands provided a lot of soothing to my muscles, as well as sending many pleasurable sensations across my skin. After he was done, I leaned back into his arms and basked in a mild afterglow of the attention he gave me, knowing that more was to come.

    He pulled me to the side and gave me a kiss on the lips. It was different to kiss a man who has a moustache on his face. After the kiss, I paused. Part of me hesitated. I'm Bonded to Braeth, yet here I am seducing another man. I thought about the two briefly. I recalled how Braeth was so willing to abandon hope for me in Atol's gave, while I made a deal for my life. I could have come back to have found him dead. Now, Reginald here… He will do anything for me. He told me so. No matter what happens to me, he will be there for me.

    My mind made up, I let loose into my lustful desires, and soaked in all the pleasures I could. Our night was one of complete bliss. The euphoria was so powerful I was seeing starts bursting before my eyes.

    Reginald, my sweet Reginald. You are mine, now. All mine. How can I let you go now?

    All mine.

    MINE!!!

    ((OOC - Braeth, I'll let you know what you sense through the bond from this night when I next see you online.))


  • ((OOC - Title this entry, "Fall from Grace."))

    Entry 63 -

    I fulfilled my promise today. I spent a night embracing my Anger. Such powerful Anger. The raw power that filled me was astounding, growing more as I let the Anger rise. As I let myself go, my mind drank on the euphoria that swept over me and images of bloodshed and death filled my vision

    I enjoyed it. Every minute of it.

    I don't know what to think of myself now. Part of me wishes to embrace those pleasurable sensations again. Another part of me is revolted at what happened. As I was talking to my friends after the Anger subsided, I couldn't help but wonder if they truly are my friends anymore. I know I'm not the same, do the old friendships remain? Cera I can tell still loves me, still thinks of me as her Mommy. It brings me some comfort. And Reginald still has that sad twinkle in his eye when he looks at me. The rest, I don't know for sure. Jade still seems to like me, but she just joined Rashid's order. Considering what is happening to me, can she be my friend? And Fishel? What does he think after seeing me so caught up in the power that crackled at my fingertips?

    One thing is clear to me. I am not the same Kara Willendt that existed before today. This struggle of good and evil, it means nothing to me now. Why did I bother so much before? It's a never ending struggle that will have no resolution. It's like stale bread, and I've grown sick of the bland taste.

    The elven name I chose no longer suits me "Amara Cal'Nuik" is gone. I'm still Amara, "Beautiful Woman," but the other part of that elven name I had chosen no longer suits me. "Faith?" It no longer burns in my heart. "Great Hope?" It lies shattered before me. Nay, I need a new elven name. I shall have to ponder what to take.

    I look at the damage I've caused to Wilhelm and Jade's shack, wondering how they can forgive me for it. They all can't trust me now. I'm not safe here. I know, I'll go to Cera. She still trusts me. I'm still her Mommy. I'll leave now before they wake up, just gotta gather my belongings.

    *** When Wilhelm and Jade wake up, they notice Kara has left the shack already. A quick search of the camp reveals that Kara is with Cera at the old woman Katya's tree. ***


  • *** The penmanship has become shakier, as if the author couldn't keep her hand steady from nervousness. But in a way, it doesn't seem sloppy, indicating she likely was paying full attention to what she wrote. ***

    Entry 63 -

    I traveled to Peltarch for a bit with Cera and Coin. I was apprehensive of making the journey, but Cera promised that Mojo would keep us safe. I thought about going to the Temple of Tyr, remembering that I had originally wanted to speak to the high priestess there on the day I was killed. But I couldn't bring myself to go. My spirit still felt too weak to work on cleansing my altar.

    Instead I went to the tavern with my companions. There we met Adam Bromley, and a person named Meril. The two started to talk about the theatre. Thinking of the theatre reminded me of Reginald and our experience with those Pretenders we had in the theatre. As I remembered how Reginald's love for me almost cost him his soul, my already sad mood deepened. Then another memory stirred, the song Mama used to perform which Reginald reminds me of. A song of unrequited love. I started to hum the melody to myself.

    I was snapped out of my reverie by a question from Adam. He asked why I was acting so sad, so unlike me. I told about how may amulet, my Hope, was gone. He chided me for thinking my hope is tied to that amulet, drawing some anger from me. He doesn't understand what it means to me!

    Meril then started to hum a song. It's melody hit me and I recognized it as the song I was just humming. I settled back into my sadness and started to hum along. He asked me what the song was, I think he enjoyed hearing the melody. I told him about the song, and how a friend reminded me of it. He wanted to know who was the friend. I couldn't bring myself to say, fearing that Reginald would not forgive me for revealing his secret. Instead, I decided to head to bed.

    Later I returned to the gypsy camp, finding Kanen and Adam sitting by a campfire, and Cera soon approached. Kanen noted my sadness and asked what was wrong, and I answered. Adam then made the suggestion that I try to find the amulet instead of moping about it. Cera and Kanen agreed, and Cera even offered that the lady Katya could help. I felt my spirit lift up some as I thought about it. I should go find it, instead of letting myself waste away.

    So we went and spoke to Katya. She did have a vision of where it is, but it scared her greatly. My amulet is with Atol. I felt my heart sink. How could I hope to get my amulet back from that man, who has killed so many? I left the woman's tree feeling very torn up. Now that I knew where it was, I felt I needed to get it. But I also feared the man who has it. Coin, Fishel, and Braeth had arrived and we all discussed about the amulet and how we could get it back. We finally decided to try to parlay. If that failed, then Braeth suggested that Cera use a special ability of hers to kill Atol. As far as I understand it, she can channel a giant burst of magical energy. I rested and prayed to Tyr, and was overheard by Doli. She decided to help us.

    After we were prepared, we made our way to Atol's lair. On the way we ran into some other friends, but we decided if we had too large of a group, we'd provoke Atol more than intended and thus didn't ask for additional help. The Winding Caverns where Atol made his home were filled with many traps and bandits. We handled the bandits well enough, but the traps… They caused great harm to us. Thus we found out we made a grievious mistake. We didn't have a person who could disarm the traps. Fishel was killed by one while fighting bandits, though the gods heard our prayers and brought him back to life for us.

    *** This penmanship becomes more shaky here, as if she's troubled by what she is next writing. ***

    Then I fell to a gruesome spike trap, it's blades ripped me apart. When I woke up on the Fugue plane, I heard a sinister, seductive voice behind me. I turned around and saw the succubus who resides on this plane. Seeing her unnatural, fiendish beauty reminded me of Justinia, which only made me loathe the creature more. She was pleased to see me, feeling me up as she talked to me. I was disgusted to have her touch me, but I must admit she knew the right spots to touch. She was very effective at making it hard for me to think. She mentioned that her Lord is interested in me. I replied my contempt at having yet ANOTHER demon wanting me. She then surprised me with a question.

    She asked me why I was so sought after, why I'm so unique. I must say that I've often asked the same question to myself, but never would quite figure out why. I first answered that it's because I have a pure soul (or a mostly pure one I at least hope). She laughed at me and said she can always get those somewhere. My second guess was my beauty, but she also laughed at that. I couldn't think of a third guess. She told me that I obviously still had some soul searching to do. That was odd to hear from a succubus. She said the reason for them wanting me was part of my charm.

    The succubus then made an offer to me. She said she would revive all the people on the Fugue plane, which totalled four people counting myself and Fishel who just appeared next to me. I would have to do just one favor in exchange. I apprehensively asked what the favor was, and was shocked at her response. She wanted me to spend a whole night in my anger. I fear the anger, because I become someone so different from me. But what I fear more is that I was almost possessed while I was in my anger. I was torn up inside, trying to decide. On one hand, I don't want to strike a deal with this demon, on the other, she's holding three other lives in the balance of my decision. And she wouldn't let me talk to Fishel about it. This was a decision I had to make on my own.

    I thought long and hard about her offer, which was no easy task as she kept feeling me up all the while. Her hands were very distracting. Finally, I decided. I knew I needed to confront my anger and hatred someday. Thus I agreed to her offer, since this was something I need to do anyways, and three other lives were at stake. I probably wouldn't have gone through with it if it was just my life. That fiend knew well to play on my compassion for others. I pray Tyr forgives me for striking a bargain with the succubus, but I couldn’t ignore the other three depending on me. Please let their lives be worth my one night in my anger.

    The succubus then resurrected both Fishel and I. I was dazed at first, wondering if I made the right decision. I then noticed that Braeth was out of it. He was filled with despair at my death, and was slipping away to Evermeet. I screamed at him, hugged him, shook him… doing all that I could to make him realize that I wasn't gone. Him giving up so much hope to be willing to die made me realize how foolish I had been. I couldn’t give up though. I made my way back to the living only to have him die on me? I couldn’t believe it.

    Thankfully he came back to me. I decided that we all should forget the amulet for now. I was afraid that more traps would kill us all. And I realized that I don’t need the amulet as much as I thought I did. Besides, Braeth seems to have given up hope, and Coin has as well. Coin saying “We are all doomed,” over and over. While we were on the way back to the camp, we witnessed two spontaneous ressurections. One was a girl that I saw on the Fugue that the succubus promised to raise. Glad to see she kept her promise. I noticed Braeth has a lot of anger now. He seems to not trust anybody that he doesn’t know. This worries me, especially considering what I’ll have to go through with the anger.

    Okay. Time for bed. And a lot of praying. For forgiveness. For cleansing.

    Tyr, please don’t let me fail you.


  • ((OOC - Big kudos to Kerby for coming to me OOC about the items taken from my character and volunteering to return one of them. It certainly made for some good RP, and does help my character on her journey out of depression.))

    *** The penmanship is straighter and clearer, indicating the author's mind was concentrating more on the task. ***

    Entry 62 -

    I can feel Braeth again. My Love has returned. It's good to feel him again.

    My Hope remains lost. I still feel an emptiness in my heart without it.

    Coin is bothered by those damn Pretenders. My Faith still burns inside me. I tell him to not listen to the Pretenders, they offer only lies. He sees the truth, yet worries.

    I traveled to Norwick with friends. Bandits attack us many times on our path. Stupid bandits. May they all face Justice's wrath. They took away my Hope!

    …My Hope...

    ...Love was returned to me, perhaps Hope will too?

    Then I will be whole.

    Please, Hope, return to me.


  • The words in this entry are very jerky and sloppy, as if the author did not have her full attention on the task of writing.

    Entry 61 -

    Pain

    Death

    Land of red

    Sorrow

    Cera?

    Guilt

    More pain

    Darkness then light

    Emptiness

    Friends

    Where is Hope?

    It’s gone

    One give me his hope, another give me hers

    They aren't my Hope

    My Hope is lost

    Braeth, where are you?

    I feel only silence reply

    I'm lost

    _((OOC - Okay, I owe it to you all to explain what's going on here. Kara had died last night. She and another were trying to go to Peltarch. Upon transitioning to a new area, we were suddenly ambushed by at least a dozen bandits, and quite a variety too so they made an effective raiding party. There was just two of us.

    Okay, so she died, so what? If the problem was that she just died, yeah she'd be sad, but she'd not be THIS bad. So what else?

    Well, I sent a nice RP tell to Cera that Mojo hears her "Mommy" has fallen somewhre on the Nars Pass north of the gypsy camp (I figure that was vague enough). Well, she did get my body, and my belongings. Just as she was coming up to the Gypsy camp, Atol popped up and swiftly killed her.

    So now Kara died, and feels she's responsible for getting Cera killed. But wait, there's more…

    Somebody must have gone through Cera's possessions because my magic items and a few other baubles were missing. Among them is Kara's amulet which is VERY PERSONAL to her, and the "Isilme Malveasta" (Or however it's spelled) which represents her Bonding to Braeth. Missing these two items makes a telling blow to Kara's spirit, which is magnified by her weakend spirit from dying and her guilt at getting Cera killed.

    Why is it that whenever Kara starts to feel better, something comes up and slams her down? It's like she takes one step forward, then gets knocked back two steps.

    EDIT: Don't worry, I do plan to have Kara recover somehow. Though truly, she won't fully recover until that amulet is back.))_