3. Diary of the Wild

Diary of the Wild


  • ::As usual, Elaine's thoughts are rather randomly sprayed across the diary as she changes from one topic to another with no real chronology or order in the events that she writes about::

    Necroloser Down!

    Aaaaaand the necroloser is down and munching on dry dirt forever and ever more! Hopefully. Yeah!

    And I'm so glad for it! You know, this past few months, and ever since we decided we had to help the Huntmaster out to finish the task he couldn't, it's been a constant headache. Not so much for me, since I pretty much just shrug it off and focus on the things that are fun, but some of my closest people just can't get away from overthinking and worrying over problems and they were getting just so sad and stressed.

    Yeah, can't put them in a wrong for it, you know? Because they are worrying for us, and brainstorming to find a way for us to come on top without getting hurt in the way, but it makes me feel so helpless to see them in that awful, gloomy mood and nothing can make them feel better or have a bit of fun.

    Nica took it especially bad this time. She prays to Selûne like I do (though her prayers are so weird.. she never asks for gifts or stuff!). Well, thing is, she took it much personally to help the Huntmaster out, just as I did, but in her own "this is serious business", almost knightly way, and I think she let it get to her head so hard that every time we went to search for him but didn't find him, she couldn't think about how cool it was that we kicked his front door and beat all his minions and ruined his house.. she just went deeper and deeper into frustration and depression because we hadn't put the necroloser down.

    But you know what? I decided to show her how much I care for her, and how much we need her to keep her thoughts bright and positive by making a special gift to her. I had been feeling so awfully bad after I tried to gift her my Moonwalkers to find out that they were so dipped into my wild nature that they would refuse to even fit on Nica's feet… it made me feel stupid, because I made her excited with gifting the boots to her and then it was all for nothing.

    So I made her her own Moonwalkers! But these ones, are special made for her, so instead of fur boots like mine, they're small, velvety shoes like the ones she uses when she's training, with my kitty essence imbued into them and a couple of beautiful details that will always remind her that they come from me, to her, with all the love and care of the world!

    She really liked them, and it's been a blast seeing her kick bad monsters in the face with them! Everytime she kicks someone in the face or the crotch it feels as satisfying as if I had done it myself. And that takes us back to the necroloser... ooooh yeah, she did kick him hard in the skull with the Moontouched shoes. WHACK! Haha! And down he went, and we won. Again!

    I could see the faces of relief on Nica and Wolfie and all of those that had been really involved with this lich hunt, because it felt good to put him down once and for all.

    Wolfie's been a bit energy drained since we came back, but it's just been a few days, it was a long trip, and he carried a lot of weight on his shoulders, both physically and emotionally. I'll give him a few days, he's earned them! Meanwhile he's thinking of taking the mining back, and that means that things are back to normal, and problems and worries are gone.

    Oh you know what?! We found tons of golems down there, but still no chocolate golem. Durr. In the end we all celebrated the epic win with explosions and fireworks and then went back home to rest a well earned rest.

    PS: The desert is cool, but only at night. At day it's hooot. And it's got Landsharks. DUN dun DUN dun.


  • A Promise of Truth

    Wheeeew I'm back! And… I got Wolfie's gift all finished as I wanted it, so mission accomplished! You know, I've only been gone a couple of tendays, but in that time I've managed to miss home so much...

    I think it's not because of how great home is (home is great!) but because how dull and boring Candlekeep is instead... you can't even imagine how many hurdles I had to pass to get the seals of approval for Wolfie's gift, and the whole days of waiting around just because... "this kind of thing takes its time". All the "Please be patient, your request is being processed", the "Please present the appropriate documentation", or the "You are at the wrong desk" after waiting a three-hour queue... At least some of those boring men are also vulnerable to pretty and charming girls and I could skip some steps to get what I wanted.

    The last part about me putting a part of my own essence into the periapt was a bit draining, I had never done an enchantment so powerful... but you know what? It was all worth it.

    It's the most awesome amulet I've ever seen, and Wolfie loved it... I think he never expected a gift like that, that is practical, useful, and at the same time loaded with warmth and love. It makes me really happy how he treasures it and keeps it always close to his chest, and it makes me happy to think that my magic and my effort can protect him a little bit better from harm and negativity.

    I think it's working too... he's being much more cheerful and warm around me, and recovered his hunger for adventuring, progressing in his mining and being proactive in general. He seems serious about little Candlekeep too, and he thinks he'll need around one hundred thousand gold... that's a lot of gold! But since he's set his mind on it, I'll be helping him all I can. Gave him some gold already and I think he's saved around one-quarter of what he needs. We'll get there, but I hope he won't hire old, boring people like the ones in real Candlekeep!

    For the rest, feels good to be back in my forest. I've just spent a few days being my wildest me, in my feline shape. I've described a few times in this diary how exhilarating and liberating that is, and how incredibly awesome it feels to just be one with the wilds, with nature and with the world. Looks like in that, I've missed some things happening with undead and the Huntmaster Sword, but as much as I would have loved to be there, I can't regret not being there. I need these breaks from the dense and complicated life of "intelligent" bipedals to keep in attunement with the wilds and in peace with myself. I just hope I'll be next to the people I care for in the decisive moments, because I know they like me being there for them, and I want to make sure that they'll be fine. But still, I can't plan for it, and I won't either.

    And to speak of everything a little... lately I'm feeling rather soft-hearted. Like... more sensitive and empathising towards others that are in trouble. I don't know why, because I've always been one to think that each one has to look for their own... if you can't survive on your own, then you probably don't deserve to survive. I know how that sounds, and what puts my thoughts away from a Malarite's thoughts is that there isn't any radicalism in my way of thinking. It's just the way of Nature to protect itself from dying out, by always evolving, advancing, discarding those who can't keep up, in a totally not hostile way.

    But yeah... lately I've felt something warm inside when I've helped others in need. It's not like when I just pass on my share of the gold or potions after an adventure... that's not generosity, that's just that I don't care about carrying more gold or potions than what I'll need immediately, and I rather leave the hoarding to others that are more inclined to it (except for gems... but that's not hoarding, I just like them all!).

    Anyways, what I'm talking about is helping someone that that has a need that for me is trivial to cover but means a world for someone else. For example, there was this woman wanting to make a mushroom soup for her husband, and not being able to get to the mushrooms because goblins are in the way. Or that other person that was ill, but couldn't afford to pay for the cure without sending her whole family into ruin... and I can't tell what it is, probably smarter people than I will find a hundred reasons for it, but it has felt good to help those people out when they couldn't help themselves, and there's was nice rewarding feeling in it. I know it wasn't because of how you could think yourself superior to someone you're helping, because... well, I don't need that. I mean, I can make a gesture with my hand and turn a Fire Giant into a statue, so how's that for covering my need to feel superior to normal people? It's more the honest gratefulness of the person that I just helped what makes me feel as if I was a good person, probably a better person than I actually am. I don't know. I know that it feels good.

    I guess I spend too much time around Jonni and Nica, with all their high ideals of fairness and charity, helping others just because and stuff... just not sure if I'm changing, or I've always been like this but I had never known it. But you know what? I think I'm just going to keep doing what I feel like, and if what I feel like doing is helping others, well, lucky others!

    For now, that's enough writing though... I'm going to see if I find myself a Wolfie... I'm feeling like being pampered, and he knows all the best pampering techniques!


  • This Path I Tread

    I've decided to write a bit before I take my trip, because I could be gone for a good while and I don't know when I'll have time to write again.

    The past few tendays have been a little tense, and have made me stop to think about things, life, and myself in general. There have been things trying to pull me from my happiness and enjoyment, and as I grow more experienced with the world, I notice this pattern… there are things that seem to just exist to give you trouble, things that I wish I could just sweep away with a giant broom.

    This path I tread is now blowing a wind with hails, and I'm getting a little bruised. I have to say I've had a few bad days, and I've been in a bad mood that I don't remember in myself. But I've managed to snap out of it, and remember who I am.

    Some people say that hardships make you appreciate more what you have, and nothing is fully enjoyed if not hard earned. Well I disagree with that, and I really don't want any dramas in my life. It's tiring and boring, and those things just distract you from the good things of life. There is room for a moment of sadness or mourning, but I'm done dealing with dramas or dramatic people. I just don't want to have anything to do with them, because they are toxic to my life, and to everything around them.

    That kind of brings me back to Wolfie, because he's being intoxicated by drama lately, and that in turn has affected my life in negative ways. After what I talked about in my last entry, he's been on and off. One day he came and told me he had talked to Elvira, made things good. He didn't seem to want to say more than that, so I didn't pry. I never do, because I know he can only tell the truth, and that some things he needs to be prepared to tell them. Some things he might prefer to never tell, even to me.

    He did tell me something very hurtful in a talk we had by Peltarch's Garden, after he got himself drunk. And that time it was me who kept from speaking the truth about how I felt. I think I told him what he needed to hear, because my instincts tell me that I am the person he needs to receive care and understanding from, but I can't deny that I felt something getting crushed inside my heart.

    His work stress, all that Savras head messing and some things that have been happening lately are changing him, and I only hope that change is not permanent, because it's one I can't adapt to in the long run. I want the Wolfie I met and fell in love with. Nica says that he's just going through a rough time, and I'm willing to wait for him to return to us. Meanwhile... I'll keep his company and cuddle up with him the nights we can spend together to bring him comfort and show him that I care so much for him.

    I already told him that I'll be gone for a few tendays, but didn't tell him why or where. I'm sure the surprise I'm preparing for him will cheer him up, and maybe help him focus on the things that are good and make him happy, and leave problems aside.

    I did tell Nica that I'm going to Candlekeep, to try and bring a special something from there for him. She keeps being my confident, and my safe net, and I'm so glad that she's around for me. Maybe I'll have to think on getting her a present too... she's talked a few times about how she'd need some magical stuff to help her fight better. I'll try to dig and see what she'd really like... but now it's Wolfie's turn, and I have a loooong trip ahead of me.

    What will Candlekeep be like? Only one way to find out...


  • Caged

    Let's talk about fears today.

    Fear of dying… yes it's there, but it doesn't worry me that much. It'll happen when it has to happen, and I don't let that hinder my ability to enjoy my life, and keep looking for excitement.

    Think of it, not a tenday ago I went to the bugbear mines with some friends, in one of those now "usual" bugger asskicking rounds, when two of them sneakers got me good. I felt a nasty pain when one of the bastard swords of the mean buggers went clean through my belly and I began to see it all dark, quickly drifting into unconsciousness...

    But Jimmeh got the last of them just in the last second with one of those killing phantasm tricks he does. I'm alive thanks to him... and I'm very grateful, but I'll try not to tell this tale around too much. I don't want to worry anyone, especially Jonni. Besides, magical healing fixes almost everything, even the wound I got, so I will be fine.

    But death aside, there are bigger fears...

    I found curious at first when I met my double, that all she really wanted was to escape her "mistress" at all costs. She didn't want to be caught by the "others" and being dragged back to that cold place they were from. She was so paranoid and cautious, that she even refused to show herself to my friends, in fear that they might compromise her.

    I thought it was natural to not want to be taken back to that place because it probably stinks, but then I noticed that it was just more than being afraid of being caught, or disliking that mean mage woman that wanted to make her into her puppet... it was fear to be caged again. She had a taste of freedom, she could run through the forests freely, without reins, with nobody telling her what to do. What seems normal for me and I take for granted was the greatest gift she could ever get.

    My freedom has never been disputed, because I've been born free, and I can't even understand the idea of being restrained, neither physically or mentally. My body and my thoughts have always been mine, and that's the only way I've known.

    That until this tenday, when I went to the Misty Caves with some people lured by the thrill of adventure, and found myself trapped in a strange, looping place that had no exit...

    The feeling was claustrophobic and unbearable... the place was probably several miles wide, but for someone like me, to whom not even the world is big enough, and dreams with travelling to the moon, the stars and beyond... I felt as if I couldn't breathe, my stomach ached, I was sweating sickly. I remember running out of ideas so fast, and giving in to instinct... turning into a beast to bite, rip and tear my way through...

    All for nothing, because the solution was right in front of our eyes, and luckily there was someone more calmed and smarter than me around to point it out. I had too picked the trail of a magic portal that could return us home, but I was blinded by the idea of never seeing my forest again. Of never going to the Moon. Of never seeing Jonni again...

    It's the most awful feeling I've ever felt, and I don't want to feel it again. Never, ever again.

    That almost links to the next topic... one I don't feel like elaborating much at the moment. Let's say that after almost dying and almost getting forever caged, I wanted to find my Wolfie to cuddle him tightly and tell him how much I missed him... then feel his warm embrace, his soothing touch, and that tickly air that escapes from his smile when he whispers beautiful things to my ear...

    The anticipation grew when I asked at the Armory and they told me he had walked off not long ago towards the docks. So excited on the chase, I picked up my pace to a dash, and just as fast, it turned into a skid to a stop when I found him caressing another woman's neck, as she had watery eyes. My entrance in the scene caused them both to exchange signs in a language I can't understand, to then walk off in different ways, barely regarding me at all.

    I tried to follow him to talk to him, but he asked me to trust him and give him some time to think. So I did. But that doesn't change that I'm terrified...

    What's going on, Wolfie?


  • Days of Wonder

    It's been some time since I've written so I'll dedicate you some time again, my little Diary!

    You know, I had a pretty decent talk with someone just recently, and even when I joke about it, I still don't know how to address that someone. That's because that someone has been someone all my life, but the things that tie me to her kinda evolved.

    No, it's not Jonni! It's kinda easy to deal with the fact that someone becomes your special loved person, because you know that your care and affection trump everything, and I can spend as much of it as I want when I am in his company.

    It's rather… his parents, and in this case I'm talking about, his mother. Up to now, they were as close as it gets to family. Almost family, you would say, so much that Aelthas has always been uncle Aelthas to me. But now, do you realize how awkward it gets when their son is the person I love? I know it's silly, but it doesn't feel right to say "uncle Aelthas" for several reasons... and in the other hand "Mr. Aelthas" or "Miss Lycka" sounds soooo distant...

    Nica said that I shouldn't worry much and just call them what I want, because they won't mind, but I still want to find what feels more natural. Maybe their name would just do?

    "Hi Lycka!"
    "Hi Aelthas!"

    I don't know!

    Oh yeah, but what did we talk about? Well we talked about everything a little. There was of course stories about little Jonni, stories about the days of wonder of Lycka and Aelthas, and then about our own days of wonder.

    I was sincere to her, and told her that nagging feeling I had about seeming like we needed to be babysit, I really needed to get it off my chest. But she told me that was not the case, and by the way she spoke, I believe her.

    You never know what is going to happen next, and we need to be in control of our lives, and I think Lycka really prefers to prepare us to face those situations than leading us around under the wings of our elders as if we couldn't do anything by ourselves.

    Yeah... I was wrong. I think of it now... so much has happened in little time. From travelling through the skies in the Star Harpy to going into the deeper entrails of Narfell where the mummies await with their mummy lord, and beyond! We've gone through things like beating demon princes, being received by a collection of nice, huge dragons, killing a huge shadow dragon with an army of drow, meeting a friendly Beholder that helped us beat the ugly dark dwarves, our friend the slaad Biznuk, the frost giants in the mountains, the fire giants in the woods, Leanna's show, the charming (vampire?) guy in the college, having a copy of myself running wild through the forests... and that's only mentioning a few because my memory sucks.

    We've grown up too fast from innocent kids playing by the forest to be the main actors on the stage. It is our days of wonder, and we have to seize them, because it is our opportunity to live these things, today and now.

    I'm never going to let silly things and people distract me from the things and people that really are worth living for, and I am so happy that Lycka gave me a swat to wake me from that little depression that began to build up inside me. All I need is my friends and family, the wilds that flow through my veins, and the right attitude to seize this day.

    I have my friends and family with me, and the Wilds mark the accent of everything I do in life. So, days of wonder, here I come!


  • Destiny

    Do you know… when there is something that you refuse to believe, only because you are too afraid to face the fact that it exists? Well, that's what happens to me when someone speaks of fate, or destiny. The only thought that something like that might exist is so against my whole being, my beliefs and my convictions. But not only that... if it existed for real, it would mean that I'm not as free willed as I think I am, that however random and whimsical my decisions appear, they have been predicted and maybe even dictated. Yes... that's the idea I can't bear.

    There is a fact... there are gods that reign over things like fate, destiny and precognition. So those things exist, at least powerfully enough for people to think them true, and gods to claim power over them. And one of those gods is the one that has taken for Chosen the person I love so vividly.

    Savras and I just can't get along. It's a conflict that I keep to myself, because I've accepted it as a part of the person I want in my life, but it's just not something I can be happy about. Jonni has faith in Savras, and I don't only resign myself to living with it... I want him to feel my support. There are times when we've been just talking or spending time together when he goes all still, his eyes going blank for a few seconds that feel like an eternity. I can't do anything about it... I used to get very worried and screamed at him, shaking his shoulders to wake him. Now I just hug him tightly so he doesn't hurt himself, whispering at his ear hoping that wherever his mind is, he can still hear me and that will soothe him.

    I've heard the tales from Nica and Lycka, he's saved their lives thanks to Savras' intervention in the past, so I guess Savras doesn't mean bad. There is something that Jonni told me about his visions that gives me a little relief... the things he sees aren't really the future, just a possible outcome that he can fight for or against, depending if he would like it happening or not. That means that even he can still choose and nobody's future is written and locked... but still, I don't enjoy at all that Jonni's life pends on the whim of a god that represents things that I do not believe in. A god already took my father, and I don't want something like that to happen again.

    I've talked about this with Nica, and I was a bit surprised to see that we don't have that different views on it. Though I think Nica feels some kind of vertigo for being the daughter of who she is, and prefers to deflect all the "destined to greatness" responsibility on her brother. And even though a bit of chance and a bit of my adventurous spirit has placed me in a couple of heroic scenarios, I feel much like Nica in that aspect. I mean... I'm sorry father, you know a moon doesn't go by without me missing you, but I can't feel compelled to fight and sacrifice to save people I don't know, endangering the people I care for because of it. And there is no chance that I will leave my pack to heed a greater calling because my greater calling is here, down on earth, living my life with the people I love. I'm sure Leena will make you more proud than I in that aspect, she's taken it as a kind of personal goal to try and live up to your fame.

    These days I don't even see Leena much at all and I've been feeling a little displaced at times, but Nica has been there for me when I've needed her and without planning or expecting it, she became my shoulder to lean on and my confessor. She listens to me, gives thought to what I am telling her, and then advices me with all that pause and calm that she has in herself. Not only that, she interests herself about my feelings, and keeps my company without thinking me a burden even when I'm not in my best mood... and I know well that when I'm not in a good mood I can be insufferable.

    I think we have made some good connection, and even being so different and having so different tastes on about everything, we get along really well. I think the key is that we both can put ourselves in each other's boots, and understand why each of us feels the way we feel. I enjoy very much sharing tales and laughs with her, she's really good at telling stories and painting pictures for my imagination to fly through, shows the bard blood is really in her veins. And I find it so amusing the way she turns pink when I tease her, especially with sexual innuendos. I may be overdoing it a little lately because she's getting used to it and starting to deflect it so I think I'll give her a break to come back stronger when she least expects it!

    But now I've got to remind you silly Diary: I've agreed to write down a record of the most important things that happen in my life, but not to become your slave, so off you go to the Secret Diary Hideout!


  • Too Fast, Too Curious

    Today, I'm going to paint a picture for you.

    Imagine this little creature, tiny, almost insignificant in the immensity of the sky above her. She lives in a place where nothing can harm her, and she is well protected, because she is blind, but she hears tales of how dangerous and unpredictable is the outside. But even then, she craves for more and one day she decides to leave the security of her nest. As she steps outside, she stumbles about because she can not see… but then, a gust of wind brings a flower drifting through the air, gently landing on her hands. When she touches the flower, something happens... it feels so smooth, the new experience is so wonderful... she then notices she can smell it, and hear the gentle caress of its petals against her skin. She kisses the flower, and it leaves a wonderful nectar on her lips, so rich and vibrant. The explosion of emotions is so delightful, so incredibly rewarding... though the wind is strong and sooner than later it tears the flower off her hands to take it away. But not a moment after, it brings another. Another scent, another tact, another range of sounds, another taste, some more alike than others, but all of them unique in their little nuances and tones. She quickly becomes addicted to the sensations as she lets go of that flower to find a new one.

    But this time the wind doesn't bring a flower... it brings a rock that hits her and throws her into the ground, hurting her. Even then, before the wind took the rock away, the little creature could still catch its unique scent, touch, sound and taste. But it did leave pain too.

    She can see now why others like her huddle behind walls to protect themselves from the things that the wind brings. But instead, she turns towards the wind, lifts her chin and runs against it with excitement. "Bring it on" she mutters, eager to feel, listen, smell and taste. Eager to experience and discover... eager to live.

    Yeah, that little creature is me. The problem comes when the hits come from directions you didn't think capable of hitting you. Then you start wondering how long can you keep that grin in your face. It's worse when others think that because you keep always grinning you are some sort of irresponsible creature that can't be taken seriously. That because you choose to not let problems soak into you and change you, you can't be trusted or relied on.

    It's like you need to put a serious face on, stall your life endlessly to look like you care about it, and use technical words and sentences that make you appear intelligent or important, or pretend that you care about whatever stories other people lived instead of living your own.

    But you know what? They are not going to get that from me. Life is too fast, and I am too curious. I'll keep being myself... and that also means changing and evolving like Nature changes and evolves. I'm not going to be let down by those that can't respect me and my take on life. Everything will sort itself out sooner or later as it always does. As the saying goes, those who sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.


  • My connection with the Wilds keeps getting stronger and stronger. I've learned lately a few new tricks, and I've added them to the first entry of my diary: I've named them "Poof-Proof Eyes", "Disenchant", "You're Mine", and "Pretty Fast, Everyone".

    There's more stuff maybe I should write about, but I don't feel like it. Maybe some other time.


  • Frustration

    Frustration hit my life these days harder than ever. Here's what I hate about frustration… you can do nothing about it. I guess that's part of the meaning of frustration itself, but it's just not nice at all. And a few things are making me feel frustrated lately... where to start...

    I guess I should start with the double trouble. It just seems that every step we take forward, we take two backwards.... I still don't know the details of what auntie Sunny and Lycka found, but last night we were sitting in the tree having a talk Nica, Vashie and I, and suddenly Vashie got shot in the arm.

    We all got up quickly and Nica and real Vashie began to search for the hunter from the direction the shots came. I may not be the smartest of all people... but I am a huntress, and I can think like someone stalking prey. The direction where the shots came from was the last where the sniper would be waiting at that point... a hunter would move to the back of the new position of his prey to strike again unseen and have a clear retreat in case of needing it.

    So I used my tricks to become invisible and unseen, anticipate the movements of this hunter... and with a bit of patience and good kitty eyes I spotted him hiding behind a corner, preparing to strike again. So I got him with one of my Stay Still tricks and called everyone over. It was the first time we caught one of them... the things we could learn from him, and even if he didn't say much, we could learn a lot about how they are made and what kind of magic or process makes them the way they are. Big win! Right...?

    Well... turns out that he didn't say much other than blabbing about being in love with Nica and wanting to get the real Vashie out of the way to impress her... then Lisa seemed in a hurry to take him to jail, and none of us objected or offered to go along with them. I felt so dumb when Lisa came again asking what was going on and we noticed that the Lisa that took fake Vash't away was... a fake that just escaped with her buddy.

    If that wasn't enough, later on there were two Bons in the commons... so again I thought we could catch one of them to ask questions and make tests. I made both Bons still while we cleared who is the real one... and first the senile elf from those forest elven spirits decided to set them free, and then Lisa came and reached the conclusion "well, none of them are breaking the law, and I can't arrest people for looking alike... or you want to be arrested, Elaine? By the way, put your spear away"

    AAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGH! Seriously, Lisa?! Seriously? You know that there is a fake Nica murdering people, a fake Vashie trying to, a fake Lisa pretending to be you freeing criminals from your gaols, and all you say about seeing another of those doubles is "carry on, they're not breaking the law"? It just can't be real! I felt like I could pull my hairs off... and no, that wasn't fake Lisa, she told me the codeword later... she's just that dimwit!

    So... the presumed fake Bon said he'd go to the college, and the real Bon saw fit to let him do that... I mean, I understand he didn't know that Lycka is in there carrying out some research, but could really see no harm in a fake himself going into the college to usurp his identity and do whatever he wanted? Can he be that short sighted as well? I really don't trust the real Bon either way, it feels like he's playing dumb the whole time to excuse himself for being useless. He's really not as subtle as he believes himself to be.

    Anyways... I wanted to warn Lycka but I can't get into the college, so I rushed to tell Nica who I was told being in the inn... and I properly ruined her moments of privacy with Vashie. I know they were just cuddling and talking, but the timing sucked... I really didn't want to ruin their night, but I guess that was kinda urgent. I still saw my own frustration transfer into Vashie and Nica as they were resigned to come along and find out what was going on.

    And all for nothing, since the fake Bon was already inside the college, probably in invisibility sniffing around all he could for his mistress... and there was nothing we could do about it, apparently. Yeah, the day couldn't end worse. Or it could... because Jonni had full night shift work at the temple, and my sister rejected my company. I just don't know what to do what make the whole situation better... and it all is eroding me and making me a worse person for it.

    That may be a little more literal than it usually is too. Something happened in the college, when I was at the verge of my frustration and my mind was drowned in negative feelings... there was this book seller being really annoying about us discussing the double issue in the college lobby, just being a general pain in the ass. At one point I felt like I just wanted to make him shut up and stop that annoying yapping coming from his mouth... I put my eyes on him and spoke with commanding tone "Be nice. Now." I felt that special connection I have with the unseen world of magic, at first subtly, but gaining a momentum such that I could feel the energy crackling in the short distance between the bookseller and I. A moment after, the annoying, obnoxious bookseller turned into a puppet, offering pastries and drinks in the kindest way. I then spoke again "Just be quiet. Over there." He took a few paces to "over there", and stood quiet the rest of our stance in the college.

    At that moment I felt relief, but when I think of it now... am I really turning into a puppeteer myself? Right, I know I've used my charms a lot of times, both magical and natural, to get what I wanted. But this... this felt different. Felt as if I completely removed the will of the bookseller... it wasn't a request, a hint, or even a suggestion. It was a plain "Do this, because I command it". And that he did, without flinching, or questioning it. I find it both fascinating and scary... I don't know yet if I could do it again, since I've not tried... maybe I will go test later on with some goblins or gnolls. Whatever the result, and I'm going to promise myself here and now to never, never, never ever use it on someone I care for. I feel doing that would turn me into a cold, despicable creature, and then I think the world could easily miss me.

    I need to think of this all... and yeah, I hate thinking and worrying over stuff. It just seems that lately everything that happens is think-worthy and worry-worthy.

    I still need to write about the charming guy from the docks and some reflexions about people that are important to me... Vashie, Jonni's parents and Nica. But I think I'll do that some other time, because I want to do that with the healthy and positive mind they deserve, and right now I feel too contaminated by my frustration...


  • **Making Choices

    I love how everything that happens is a consequence of your choices. It's just wonderful how your actions matter and have an impact on your life, and takes you through the paths that you never suspected to walk. These days I see myself spending tons of my time in the city, and even defending the city from mean orcs and necromancers…yeah, me, protecting a city!

    And that's because one day I chose to act on a whim, and kiss Jonni in the middle of the commons. I still remember his stunned look, not managing to articulate a word. I also remember that for me it was just a fun thing to do... and I had really never planned that we'd come so far together. I don't want to think either how far we can still go, because I don't really care at all. The point is that in this moment the city is important to him, so now it's important to me too.

    But why am I saying this? Well, we've just come from beating that evil necromancer that has been bothering Jonni a lot and doing bad stuff in Peltarch. For that we got the help of a man that seemed to know the necromancer very well... so well, that the man was the necromancer himself... or at least a vestige of him. The thing is... this man made a choice in his past, one that he deeply regretted. He craved power, and saw himself drawn through paths where that power could be achieved at the expense of others. Only too late he saw what he was becoming, and rejected himself, creating a conflict so strong that his self was split in two. He was then determined to stop his mean self, and when he learned that some warriors from the city had managed to kick his evil self once, he looked for them to get their help, so the necromancer could be killed off for good.

    With Theroy's guidance the city people searched and searched and finally in a last raid where I was present, we fought tons of undead of all kinds to kick the necromancer's ass and finally rid the world of his ugly face. But the consequence of that is that Theroy also ended himself, since one couldn't exist without the other. The regretful man saw only relief in his thankful last words when he left our world.

    I'm not one to be impressed easily, but that was touching, and maybe the biggest wake up call I've ever had in my life. Makes me think on the possibility that because I act on whim and the spur of the moment, I might make a decision that I can regret so badly as to hate myself in future, and make me hate myself so much that I'd rather be killed off than pestering the world with my existence.

    But I've been thinking on it, and honestly... I don't think that could ever happen to me. Firstly, because I don't really have the dedication to become a long-term threat for anyone, or even to myself. But more than that... I am surrounded by people that love me and would never let me fall that deep into the darkness. The idea does pinch in my inner thoughts... maybe I should try and think ahead a little more, not like calculating the possible outcome of every of my actions, but at least trying to use common sense more often.

    But I think of the paths I've already walked, and I don't find regret in any of them. Maybe sometimes I would have done some things differently... but who wouldn't? Everything is easier to judge on hindsight. I am the genuine product of my actions, unfiltered by rules of convenience or appearance, without wondering what's correct and what's appropriate, and that's the only way I can be proud of myself. I risk making mistakes every day, and I make them, and they define what I am, which is also a good thing.

    What about making serious mistakes that could hurt others, and ruin the life of many people? For that, I'll trust my friends and family. They will keep me from hurting anyone, including myself. I know they will never fail me, as I would never fail them.

    PS; If this trend of serious deep stuff in my diary keeps up, I swear I'm just going to burn it down.
    PS2; Need to ask Jonni or his mom about my new spear. It's got the symbols of all the gods of Nature in its shaft, and I'm so thrilled to know...

    XP pending - Given**


  • All Stays in the Family

    Now that Jonni is back in scene, I think it's time that I write this down. He's been having some hard time with his visions and stuff, getting headaches and barely being able to move from his bed. That sucks and I feel for him, but I've also noticed in this time without him that I want to be the one who takes care of him when he feels sick, or even be the one that brings him his chicken soup in his bed and make sure that no one bothers him.

    Now… I am sure that his mom will disagree with that... and it's also a big step for our relationship, but as I tend to not overthink things before saying them, I went ahead and told him that I'd like him to move over to my place.. at first subtly, maybe just bringing a change of clothes and his toothbrush, but eventually making it permanent.

    There has been some trouble in the city and afterwards I brought him to the park so we could lay down quietly while he got over some nasty mummy rot from one of the deaders, and there, holding him close, I noticed that something is amiss. I'm not like settling down and giving stability to my life... I like feeling the rush of the moment, riding life in a shooting star with its hills and its valleys, but somehow it feels right to spend time with my Wolfie and it both energises me and scares me. He gives me a feeling of safety and warmth that I can't pull myself away from... there is something telling me that I shouldn't do this... but I want to.

    What I don't want is to make any plans, or define a path to follow. If he'll want to take this step, if he'll manage to convince his mom that living with me is a good idea and it's what he wants, I want us to still take each one day at a time, and squeeze every moment out of life. I need to make sure that he feels the same way as I do, so that we can both pull in the same direction, but without giving up on who we are and that unique and beautiful contrast that we make.

    Leena has already agreed that she doesn't mind if he comes over more often, or even if he fully moves in, and that makes me happy because her approval is the most important thing to me when trying to make decissions. She's really wonderful, and I'm so fortunate for having her with me. And while I'm speaking of her... she seems to have been having trouble sleeping as well. I'm not sure what it is because she keeps herself a little locked about it, but I know her, and she'll tell me when she's ready.

    I'm pretty sure it has to do with her lycanthropy... being a druid, her connection to Nature is much deeper than mine, and the beast might be pulling from her thoughts, and making her go nuts. She's strong, and she'll manage, I know. And besides, I'll be there for her with every beat, no matter what.

    I feel almost responsible of her happiness these days. I don't enjoy seeing her suffer, quiet and distant. I want her to live in joy more than I want it for myself, and I've been trying to nudge her towards finding her own "Jonni", someone to bring her all that rush of feelings and beautiful emotions that I couldn't. We've even been teasing her that she should wait for little Zoma to be adult to start dating him... the faces she makes are so funny that they can't be paid with all the gold of the world. But jokes aside, I love my sister with my very soul, and there has to be a way for her to enjoy her life. I want her to be the happy... no, I need her to be happy.

    Nica's been having some issues of her own. Seems like Vashie is taking their tryst quite seriously and taking big steps towards gaining the family's approval... starting by talking to Aelthas and Lycka about it. I have to admit that he's got some balls, but I'm not sure if he's still retaining them attached after last night. Nica seems to like him very much, but I'm not sure she's into him as much as he is into her. But that's the thing with Nica... it's hard to know what really is in her mind, she's quiet and introvert about her own feelings. What I'm not going to do is judge them, because they have the right to feel whatever they want.

    Looks like there's a family meeting where Nica and Vashie will face Aelthas and Lycka together... and Nica asked me to be there to soften her parents up, since they have a soft spot for me. I promised that I'll be there because as I said, I think Vashie and Nica have right to be together if they both feel it's what they want, but whether her parents have a soft spot for me or not, I think I'll hide under Jonni's bed if Lycka starts shooting those death stares, or Aelthas begins to frown and grunt. Maybe we should ask Leena to come as well... so she can start seducing Zoma, so it all stays in the family. Oh gods, here I am again giggling silly.

    Whatever happens, I think everything will turn out fine for everyone, because we are all a strong pack, and everything we ever say or do is because we care for our own, and want only the best for those that we care for.


  • A Failure Like Me

    Looks like more stuff has happened with the "mannequins". Yeah, now I'm actually using that word that I didn't want to before, because it looks like that's what they really are after what happened today.

    My day was being very much an usual day, I was at the forest and I saw I had some spare scrolls and swords from some trip to the fishy caves so I thought I'd go to the city to sell them and get the best deal. I hate spending time in the city, but it was meant to be a quick in-and-out.

    But when there, I saw Nica and Shesie talking about the clone stuff, so I stayed with them a little to see if they knew something new. After a few minutes another Shesie walked in. There was a second of shock there and then one of the Shesies cast a spell on the other so I instinctively thought the aggressor was the mean one, but the victim turned invisible and ran away… which is not a very logical reaction for someone that is surrounded by friends and we began the chase.

    It took us to the orc cave where the other Shesie came and went shooting at us and we couldn't catch her, but on the way back to Peltarch we were attacked again. This time it was Hen who wanted to draw us over a number of traps she had set all over the park west of the city.

    We managed to catch her but Jimmeh couldn't hold back his tentacle spell and crushed her before she could say a word. Not that knowing the real Hen this one would say anything useful but that wasn't the worst... the worst was the discovery that these clones are not even living beings. When Hen was killed, her features turned colourless and generic like a mannequin made of some unnatural stuff and a few moments later it crumbled into dust.

    We went to the city afterwards and looks like Nica's double had killed someone and that got the real Nica in trouble. Everyone knows that Nica couldn't have done that though, and Lisa let her free to help finding the false Nica and stop her from hurting others as she's been instructed to do. For now Nica gave her mom the remains of the false Hen so that she can find out what she's made of and maybe help finding some clues.

    Thinking back to the "mannequin" that has my name... I guess they screwed somewhere in the "programming" of Elaine and she didn't work as intended. And still, knowing this, I can't bear the thought of seeing harm come to her. I pity her because she tries her best to survive... she fights, resists and endures what the world has thrown at her to continue to exist... like any worthy child of nature she tries to be alive... only she isn't. Next I see her I don't know how I'll feel... she seems so real.

    To me this was heartbreaking... these last few tendays I've been feeding the thought that the other Elaine is a rebel, a fighter that wouldn't just sit and watch how they shaped her into a murdering drone without doing anything about it. I've been believing that her spirit of survival was strong and her will unbreakable, and I've felt proud for it, since she's meant to be an exact copy of me... and now I notice that she is not even a living being, but an imitation of life imprinted into a cold, lifeless three-dimensional canvas.

    I have been so arrogant to think that I'm special in any way, even knowing that some of my friends are as chaotic and wild as I am and they didn't break free. Still I've wanted to believe that Elaine was free because she was different... and I may have been right in that. She's different, because she's a failure... a failure like me.

    I don't say this for lack of self-esteem, but the contrary... I haven't been able to look at things objectively and I've made a fool of myself. I wonder how many times the trees didn't let me see the forest thanks to my ego... and that makes me feel bad because only now I notice. I hope I can correct that, or nobody will ever take me seriously.

    PS: I don't know why I feel like this and why I have to overthink stuff that doesn't bring me fun or food. Life used to be easy and as I grow up, things look more and more complicated. Guess it's just that, I'm "growing up", but if that's how growing up feels like I don't want to continue growing up. It makes me sad and depressed.


  • [Double post]


  • Alter Ego

    Wow! This is a big one! There's a girl around that looks like me, acts like me and even moves like me… and no it's not Leena. At first I though she was Leena but then there were things off... the way she moved and her gestures, and then her scent... she was me!

    I think I was as curious about her as she was about me, so we got to talk a bit... she told me the only thing she knows is that she wasn't always a half-elf-kitty, she was something else and was put into that body and given a name... Elaine Xixia Rayfe. She said that someone was trying to get stuff into her head and she got bored and annoyed and just escaped, because that place was too dark and too cold and she didn't like it.

    Yeah if that's not enough of a shocker, she said that there were at least twenty different people around her reciting some people's personal information like mantras, as if to get it drilled into their heads. She said she could hear the two that were just next to her... Willow and Salin.

    She also thinks that they are looking for her, and at some point she startled and ran away to hide. She came back later invisible to tell me that she can't trust anyone except me, since she knows I... well I can't be a copy going after her, but anyone else could.

    I found out that not only she looks like me and moves like me... she also can do everything I can! Like... she knows all my tricks, and can turn into kitty too. So we both became cougars so I could show her a hidden place in the forest where she can shelter and nobody will find her as long as she stays as kitty.

    But the most disturbing thing is that she also is me in every aspect beyond the surface. Her behaviour, her attitude everything matches. And knowing she's exactly like me... it won't be long before she gets bored of staying in that place I showed her and will go out to find something more exciting to do, even if she has to risk being caught. At least she has a place to go to if she gets in trouble.

    Later we've been finding out that other "replicas" have been popping up and assaulting their "originals". Jimmeh almost got killed by his replica but we arrived just in time when he was knocked unconscious and barely alive, and that scared his replica off before he could finish him off. I heard something similar happened with Dermin, but I don't know the details about that one. Both of those seemed fully indoctrinated and trying to complete their job to then replace the lives of the ones they are replicas to... and we don't know for what purpose yet, because none of us are all that important or anything...

    You know, it's kind of awesome to think that my "replica" rebelled and won't do what she was being told to do... but that also makes me a little worried because well, like I said it seems like she's me in every way. She likes what I like, hates what I hate, and has my same personality... I want her to have her own life and be herself but it's difficult to think it wouldn't affect me. Just to put an example... she's likely also in love with Jonni, even if she probably doesn't even know him yet... how will Jonni react to that? Will she feel rejected and heartbroken if he refuses to have anything to do with her? What if... she really tries to pretend that she's me to get Jonni's cares. I know myself... I cheat and lie a lot, it's not strange to think that my other me could try something like that, especially if a strong feeling of attraction is involved... and... well I really need to speak with Jonni as soon as possible.

    I care for my other me, but I don't know what I can do about her to not hurt her and also not hurt myself... having a twin sister is something but having a second me is quite something else.

    I need to think about this, and I hate thinking. I just hope Elaine is okay, because I don't want her to suffer at all... and probably nothing of this is being easy for her either.

    XP pending - Given


  • Weeee writing again!

    Not going to write much this time because there isn't so much to write. Just have to remind myself that things are going great, and everything seems good. Don't get to see my friends much lately because I spend so much time in the wilds just being myself, but I still manage to escape the forests to find my wolfie quite often!

    Problem is that when I'm with the Wilds I can't tell how much time has gone, other than trying to remember how many moons have passed, or guessing by Selûne's shape and size… but losing my time-passing-awareness could be handy soon, if things go the way they seem they'll go.

    Jonni said that maybe the city needs him to go live with the Fire Giants for one year to prove them that the city people are nice and respectable people and don't need to go to war and all that bad stuff. I think a city could be seen as nice and respectable the same day as a deer starts shooting fireballs though its eyes, so at first I thought he was joking... but he looked really serious. Then I thought he was crazy... but I am more crazy, so that's okay. Guess then I was sad because I just want to cuddle my wolfie for myself, and one year is a long time! He even promised that his new job wouldn't steal too much of his time from me.

    But then I understood... his people needs him, right? He can avoid a war all by himself, and I know if he sets himself to do it, he'll do it. And he'll save maybe lots of people, and it's really what he wants... I know he also dreads being apart from me, but yeah... it's like, he has to do it. What I am going to do is keep spending time with him when we both can, and when he has to go, I'll be a good kitty and wait for him! Time passes really fast when I'm with the Wilds, so maybe I won't even notice too much!

    I just hope the Fire Giant people won't be mean to him, because then I'll be very, very upset, and I'll turn them all into stone... you better watch out, you ugly Fire Giants!


  • Been lazying with writing again!

    All I can say is that I spend lots of time in my kitty shape and can't get enough of this feeling of freedom without any boundaries, neither in my mind or in my body.

    There are so many things that feel so much simpler and at the same time fulfilling when your mind doesn't need to worry about vain things like being polite or looking good… when the only currency is yourself as you give yourself to the Wilds to keep its balance, and the Wilds return the favour offering sustenance and shelter. When I am by myself but not alone, and I wear nothing but pride for being what I am and being part of my pack, my family. When my home has no walls and the only ceiling is the beautiful starry sky, with a kind Selûne smiling down and guiding us all. When my bed is any patch of grass where I lay my head on.

    But I guess that makes Jonni my favourite bed! Truth is, with me roaming the forests as a kitty, I don't get to see him that much lately, but that's okay because he's been accepted for that city job, and that takes lots of his time.

    It's a little weird too, that when he was coming to visit me a few days ago, he says that there was something preventing him from doing so. Seems like when he wanted to take the boat to Norwick, an awful windstorm began to beat on Peltarch and all ferry departures were cancelled. After that, he got Marea to come down riding her, but she got her leg stuck in mud and she got hurt, so he decided to come walking. And when he was walking down, some plantoid tendrils began to grasp at his ankles and another windstorm pushed him from trying to go south...

    Just by chance, I had also decided to go to the city to sell some jewelry I had picked from helping a paladin clean the crypts, and I met Jonni, but just then we got zapped with lightning as something seemed to get very upset and hissed at us before letting us be... almost seemed upset at our reunion.

    We don't know what was all the fuss about, but we just went back into the city since it seemed safe there. Just kinda weird that in the city it was all nice and sunny and just wherever Jonni went outside of it, it was rainy and windy.

    Oh well... we got to spend some time together and talk a little... and I mean "a little", because just a few moments after, that awful familiar mist appeared on the commons again and began to pop deaders on us.

    Yeah, this one I know who it was... that mean necromancer that is still upset at Jonni because he screwed his plans to raise an army of deaders... well suck on it, you dumb mummy-kisser, Jonni beat you once and he'll beat you again!

    So yeah just to prove that point we killed all the deaders, even the big knightly one that looked rreally strong and took a while to break even after he turned to stone... which I may have had something to do with!

    Jonni says he'll have to go again after the necromancer to kill him good. I don't really like him chasing dangerous people that summon armies of deaders but I'm kinda getting used to it... it's his home he's protecting and what matters to him, matters to me.

    So we broke the mean mist again, and showed the necromancer that he shouldn't mess with us! We sit down a little again and then Jonni said that there is a fire giant lady in jail, so we went to see her. A real fire giant that you can watch and maybe touch without smashing you? Yeah I had to see that!

    We went to see her but she was pretty quiet. She didn't want to talk to anyone and it was really hot with some shrine she had made in there, I almost got some burns from being down there a good while.

    It felt pretty sad too, to see someone caged like that, on display for anyone to come and watch... reminded me of those poor caged birds they keep as ornament in some of those stupid brick houses in the city. So I tried to get the door open to let her go, but Jonni said I can't because then they'll put me in jail, and that would be really awful... I don't want to lose my freedom, ever. But still feel awful for the fire giant lady... they say she burned the commons, but she looked like she didn't want to hurt anyone.

    Anyways, after that we went back out and Jonni said he had to go help his mom with some stuff, but he promised me that he'd put away his whole next day for me, and only me! So here I am now, writing a little while I wait for him. I cooked some really nice me--- someone's at the door!


  • Seems like trouble never ends! Just as we are back from Furtle Island and rested a bit, Willow, Wolfie and I got together and we thought it was a good idea to go into the forest for some adventure, and as we are back in Norwick, lots of goblins start lining up and tossing fire grenades to the walls and over them.

    The soldiers sounded the alarms and more adventurers came, so there we were, trying to protect ol' stinky Norwick from ol' stinky goblins. But there was something odd to these goblins.. their eyes were bright red and some had small horns or tails, and they were tougher than usual too… they were fiendish goblins!

    Someone pointed that the might be coming from the Lost City for whatever reason nobody knows. We started getting overwhelmed because they were like hundreds and we were just a bunch of adventurers... but then, this huge she-giant rushed in trampling through the forest and over the goblins! Yeah, I panicked because in my experience giants aren't good news, so I made her still so she couldn't hurt anyone till we knew what was she up to.

    Jonni knows the language of the giants (because he's awesome!) and talked to her. Turns out she was coming to help, and help she did! I gave her some of my best tricks and she was so amazing to watch cleaving goblins in groups of three with each swing!

    In the end we won, and the Frost Giant warmaiden moved on to wherever she was going. It was fun to see the dwarves all grumpy not wanting to admit that a giant had saved their ass! But deep inside I think they were kind of grateful, it's just dwarves are stubborn like that, right? I can tell Beorn has a big heart deep inside his thick chest.

    Later on Jonni told a few of us that there is more to what the giant lady told him. Apparently she was sent by the "White Snake", which Willow related to Ky, the dragon that was hunted down by dad, and raised by Rasuil, which later escaped and now seems to lead an army of giants with the purpose of changing Narfell's climate.

    Still, the fact that she came to help means that Ky maybe doesn't want to go all hostile about it... sure, maybe Ky is protecting his own realm, but he could have sent his champion to wipe out the remaining goblins after Norwick had fallen, not to protect its gates. Anyways I have no idea of how a dragon thinks, but at least the gesture seemed like tending a hand to us, and I think it's only right to return it.

    Jonni thought we should go to the Coldstones and speak with Ky, see what he wants, but he's worried that he's heard his parents deal with giants and dragons before, and if you go to their domain without a proper offering, they take it as an insult, so he suggested trying to find some worthy offering for the giants and Ky.

    Willow in the other hand thinks he's over worrying and we could just walk there and talk with Ky as long as we bring Ras with us, and she didn't like that Jonni doesn't want to share the story with some people, like the dwarves of the Legion. I'm on Jonni's side on this... we've been with Legion and dwarves before where giants were involved, and any try for diplomacy was brutally shot down under the edge of their axes... even after I had made the giants Stay Still and Jonni had got them to become talkative.

    Still, Willow went in that stubborn frenzy that only she is capable of at times, and managed to ruin Jonni's mood. I really hate to see two of the people I care about most arguing and being upset, but I guess it happens sometimes, yeah? I think the last straw for Jonni was when he told me "Maybe you can ask the god in the mountain for advice, Kitty", and being in the kinda negative buildup we were, I didn't find it amusing, which made him give up and walk away.

    That made me feel terribly awful with guilt so I chased him to try to fix it, and after a little bit of talking he said he was just not feeling too well, but he gave me a little kiss and agreed to stay with us and go find some adventure. He was still awfully quiet all through the adventure in the goblin hold, but that's fine, I gave him some space because sometimes we just need that, a little space.

    He was much more of himself when we were back, but then we met Leena that found us returning through auntie's home. She also looked... awfully quiet and distant. Siiiiiiigh. So there it was, a second grumpy crisis coming on... and again, one that matters the world to me. So when we were back to Norwick I pulled her off with me to have a sister talk.

    Turns out she's disappointed on herself, because she feels like she's failing to be there for us when we need her. She wasn't there for the end of the elven spirits, and she wasn't there for the Furtle Hunt, and she just hates to let people down and miss all the excitement. After she's worked hard to see things through, she just keeps missing the outcome, and I can see how that is frustrating.

    I didn't know what to tell her... other than the truth. That she's not only welcome, but missed among us when she can't be there, that whenever she can be there, we'll need her to be there, and when she can't, we'll miss her, but we'll understand it. That without Leena there is no Elaine, and that will never change. I only have one sister, and she's the best sister of the world, and I'll never, never turn my back to her. If there was anywhere or anyone in the world that would accept me but not her, I will flat out refuse to have anything to do with them. It's both of us, or none. I want her to be as much part of my life as she possibly can, and when she can't, I just want her to be happy wherever she is, until she has again time for me.

    I guess I didn't solve her problem that much, but she's still hopeful that the situation changes in future. We got to talk about other things after... like it appears that mad druid that preaches nonsense about dad wants to take over the druid Circle ignoring the current elders or the druidic traditions. Guess that doesn't really concern me, but I don't know if dad would be happy about it.

    We also spoke about Salin. Seems like she finds him nice and amicable, but she just doesn't feel any butterflies in her stomach when she's with him. She can see how my day becomes bright only by seeing Jonni walk towards me, and she would like to feel the same for the person she's supposed to spend her most intimate time with.

    I advised her to follow her heart, and if one day she feels that Salin is the right one for her, I'll accept him as one more in the family, as she has done with Jonni. But I also asked her to make sure that the man she chooses is the man she wants, not just the one that was there when there was nothing else to pick from.

    Sis and I, both work by impulse, the coil of the moment, the call of the wild that runs through our veins and guide our actions without giving thought to them a lot of the time. But sometimes maybe a little pause and patience are needed. And probably this is one of those things.

    After that we went to the city where I helped sis to make her new armour all furry and nice like the ones we have, and we went straight back home to spend the night together, just she and I, being the sisters that we deserve to be.

    I had plans with Jonni and I had promised him that I'd spend the night with him, especially after the emotionally rough day he had, but I know he'll understand that it's my sister that needed me most then. He is generous, understanding and kind, and I'll make it up to him, one way or another.


  • I made it! After so much practice I can turn mean people and monsters into stone… and that's going to be awesome because this trick doesn't go for the mind, like most of the others... it goes for the body. Lately I've been finding a lot of mean spellcasters that have strong minds, but I bet they won't have so strong bodies.

    It will be handy too if we go to the Lost City as we have been thinking... an elf girl named Yana says that there are statues that come to life and are very dangerous, so I can turn them right back into statues.

    We'll have to see. For now we wanted to go to Smurf-nibbling city, but Llama wouldn't show up in the whole tenday, so we'll go another time. He must be still tired from the trip to Furtle Island I guess!

    Yeah... Furtle Island... what an adventure! Before we parted, Jonni had one of his visions, saying that we would have to talk to the Furtle if we wanted to see our quest through. Then the pirate ship arrived with like... some daring approach to the docks. I thought it would sail over us!

    As we boarded and departed on the boat, we got off the wrong foot when that mean cheap excuse for a god zapped us with Lightning. I'm not very tough, and while others were mostly fine, I almost fainted and I thought I would die because of it. So I got upset and swore at her telling her the difference between a stupid god like her and a real god like Talos, to whom she is no more than a lapdog. So Jonni and I got zapped again... hard. Yeah sure, I paid tribute to her because I didn't want anyone hurt because of me... I would have offered tribute anyways if it had been demanded in front, not after zapping me to half death. She's still a cheap god and a loser that has to mess with normal people because the other gods just laugh at her.

    Anyways we made it safely to the island after we were boarded by some ghouls that weren't very hard to deal with. Once in the island we found some lizard people, saurials or whatever they were. They didn't speak our language, but luckily Willow is awesome and she did, so they started discussing about us going after a furtle and stuff... then suddenly a bigger lizard came and got all hostile, next minute they're all trying to eat us because they said we were their lunch. Huh?!

    Yeah it was whacky whacky time... so we fought together as usual and did well. We're getting to know each other very well and that helps a lot when there is trouble because we know what we can expect from each other. We had to cross the whole island fight after fight, and not only with lizards... there were also a couple of HUGE dinosaurs that I could make Stay Still... but they were so tough that we couldn't kill one of them in time before it broke loose, and only in the few seconds it was alive it rushed over Jonni and had him pinned on the ground trying to bite his head off! He managed to crawl back with the little energy he had left while we threw all we could to finish the mean dinosaur.

    Just when I thought we were safe and Jonni got healed back, I stepped into a nearby stream and a dire shark almost bit my leg off! The island itself was a hazard, but that also made it so feral and attractive... I loved how wild and natural everything felt, and the scent in the air was alluring.. except for the taint of the snake people.

    We saw the first of them when we climbed onto a hill, one of those mean shamans that took us a good while to put down... she kept throwing flames and stuff at us. With the snake people involved we all knew that it would get nastier sooner or later, but we continued till we found a ship wreckage by the shore. Just there, there was a cage where a big Furtle was being held, so we were all like "finally!".

    But then Llama started talking to it just like Savras' vision had adviced to Jonni before the trip, and then he told us that he thought himself the last of his kind and if we helped him avenge his species he would willingly give us his intact shell. We were being attacked also by some flying dinosaurs so we thought of freeing the Furtle, but he seemed like he didn't even want to live, just wanted to be avenged and be done with his life.

    It was a sad story and since we're all nice people, we thought that was pretty fair, so we went to a blocked cave that I had seen before, and Llama did something that opened it so we could go in. Inside we found out that it wasn't a cave... it seemed like artificially built, maybe with the wreckage of a boat, or maybe a buried ship itself adapted as lair of the snake people.

    We were really spent on magics and I had less than half my tricks left, most of them were Stay Still magics, so when some of the saurial strong warriors rushed to us followed by three mean snake people, I tried my best to make them still.

    But I guess I wasn't good enough, because they ignored my tricks, one after another... and I had a very annoying feeling of impotence as I saw Jonni get his head messed with some mind trick and walk aimlessly, and even worse, Willow was instantly killed on the spot with an evil spell.

    There I panicked and threw a last Chaos Rules! before running out following Llama. Behind were Damien, Shessie and Jonni, but only Jonni made it out. He couldn't get rid of whatever got over him, all he could do was crouch in pain with some strong feeling of disorient and nausea, and we couldn't leave our friends there... so I gave Llama every last trick in my reserves. My last Pretty Strong, my last Hit Much Harder, my last Pretty Fast, I drank potions, he drank potions and we both went back in knowing that we would leave that island with our friends, or not leave it at all.

    When we went in we saw that one of the Yuan-ti had her throat slit open and we only had to kill two, that were pretty hurt. Seems that last Chaos Rules! I did before going out did help afterall and the snakes had fought each other to the death. That gave us renewed energies to finish off the two remaining limping snakes, now with their spells also spent.

    Llama roared and went all rage for the Yuan-ti and managed to finish them off. I saw Damien dead right by the entrance as he just didn't make it out, and Shessie was unconscious, but even though she was bloodied she seemed alive and stable... and since I don't know how to treat injuries, I preferred not to touch her just in case I might snap a bone or make her bleed while manipulating her body.

    Deeper into the next room was Willow's lifeless body as well... it all looked quite gorish with blood all over the walls and the floor, a saurial still agonizing, and the bodies of our three friends. Jonni walked in then feeling a little better and he actually could take care of Shessie and got her up all fine, because Jonni is awesome like that.

    Llama was still hugging Willow's body when we went to the next room and saw a surprise... there was another furtle! It was being drained with some kind of mean magics, but it was alive... and next to it there was a stash with powerful magical things where Jonni found a scroll to bring dead people back.

    That was great news because with that scroll he could bring Willow back and then she could bring Damien back and we would have the group whole once again. So that's exactly what we did and a few relieved hugs later we had the group back whole!

    Llama then spoke to the furtle, telling her that a friend of hers is still alive but he's sad that he's all lonely and doesn't even want to live, so she asked to be freed to go see him, and rushed out. We followed as the little but sturdy furtle trampled over everything, even a dire shark that tried to attack her when she crossed the stream, she just bit its throat off and kept going!

    In the end both furtles reunited, and they liked each other, and saw renewed hope as well, since maybe they could work together to save their species. The male furtle then told Llyran that he would need his own shell, but told him where to find another from a dead friend of his as the furtle couple walked into the sea to make more little baby furtles.

    With that, our quest was all over, so we just got back home in another long trip, but since I spent most of it sleeping it didn't feel that long this time. Back in the city we split the magical stuff we found... Damien got an awesome armor, and Shessie some nice boots for sneaking around. Llama got a druid ring on top of the shell that later became the awesomest shield I've ever seen, except the one I made for my sister! Jonni had left to stash some saurial gear at his home so I picked a anti-dad necklace and a nice protection ring for him. Willow got kitty paws boots that I would have probably picked if not because I have my Moonwalkers. She also got the best cloak ever... one that allows her to produce dove-like wings and allows her to fly a short distance, to the sky and back. I'm a bit jealous, but she seemed so happy with the cloak, and it seemed so right for her to have it that I really didn't have the heart to dispute it... especially after she had gone to the Fugue place again.

    I got nothing as keepsake from the adventure, but there is nothing as satisfying as seeing the people you care for being happy, and besides, the memories will always be there. It's memories of a great adventure with tons of struggle, tons of willpower to keep things together even when it seemed our world was crumbling, and the incredible end in which we all come on top to save a species from becoming extinct. It has a morale to it, too... there is always hope, even when all seems lost.

    I'll try to remember this one to pass it on when I get older. For now, I still have to live many more adventures, and with friends like Willow, Shessie and Llama, and especially with my Wolfie next to me, I think those adventures are just getting started.


  • It's been a few busy days lately, and I'm feeling very happy. First of all, I've been spending a lot of time with Leena. I like having her around, and it's really nice to do stuff together. Sometimes I think we carry a bit too different lives, and now that I am meeting Jonni I was afraid I'd have even less time for her, but doesn't seem like it, and that's a good thing.

    She's been making some more friends too, and one of them, Salin, seems interested in her. He doesn't seem like a bad person to me, but he makes me wary because he seems to be tainted, and although he appears to want to fix it, never know if his inner self is something that he's not aware of, and could end up hurting sis. Also… don't know, he's a puny city noble, doesn't have the vigour or the attractive I'd want for myself, and I think Leena's tastes are not that far from mine. I don't like how he smells either, of sulphur and cobblestone.

    I wanted to know more about the man that is getting close to my sister, so I pretended to be her when he came around to have a talk with him. He seems honest about wanting to fix the taint in him and become a better person, and he also seems to care for her. I rest easier now, but I'll still keep an eye on him. In the end, I'll support my sis with whatever she decides, though she thinks him a friend, at least for now.

    Lately she had to do some of her druid stuff just when the elves were gathering to go fix the elven spirits problem, so I was invited to come in her place. The real challenge was deciding where they wanted to go... but eventually they settled for going to where the elven camp was, and I helped how I could to clear the bugbears.

    That weird spirit that keeps calling Raryldor "murderer" appeared again, hovered around a little being a dumbass in general much like the first time, and then vanished. They managed to destroy a third stone with Kessie's awesome bow, but she had to sacrifice the bow for it. Guess the bow is just an object, so it was worth it, yeah? Only one stone remains now, and it seems like it will need a spell that only María can cast in the whole realm, at least from those that can be considered reliable allies. But casting the spell could take her magic from her completely, so I'm not sure she'll agree to help... maybe she can make a scroll of it for someone else to use or something. Oh well, that's for the elves to spend some more hours disagreeing about.

    Couple of days ago, I was taking one of my strolls in the forest and saw Willow. It's good to see her out and about, she's been feeling a little off lately, and I was worried she'd lose her adventuring spirit. But there she was, fighting some goblins, so I helped her a little as a greeting. Then three of those mean sneaky goblins came and tried to ambush stab her, but she's really dodgy and I helped a little with mind tricks, so the goblins went down.

    There was some kind of uneasy feeling in the air, though... something was not right, and both Willow and I could feel it. Then, some horrible monster made of plants and vines came to attack us. Both of us then realized it had to be the same monster that attacked Rasuil! Well, knowing that, we tried to run and take it from distance so it wouldn't get those creepy vines inside us, and killed it easily, more or less... but then another, bigger one came after us.

    We ran away fast as we could, but it kept grabbing our ankles and arms with vines and pulling us towards it. In the end Willow took her katana and shield to hack at it while I cast some Blue Balls of Hurting and we could escape its grasp... but after a few seconds it raised even stronger than before.

    Now arrows or magic wouldn't even make it twitch and it was pursuing us, tossing those vines at us to grab us... we had no idea what to do except running to not get killed when lightning cracked in the sky and fulminated it on the spot. At first I thought I had Talos to thank, because maybe he thought that creature to not belong to Nature, but then it started snowing and I knew who was our "guardian".

    Dad came in his snow wolf shape to tell us that he had been after these aberrations for some time, and he's trying to find out where they come from. He also said he's watching me, and he's proud of me... that meant so much to me. He said we should tell Rasuil to call for him in dreams, but he had to go pretty quick. Before he left, he told me to be good with the wolf's son... I think that was dad's way to say "I know, and you have my blessing". I couldn't be happier with his little visit!

    I need to tell Jonni that my dad approves of "us"... maybe meeting him in person will be hard, but he'll be happy to know. Speaking of Jonni... I guess I should also write down that last tenday we managed to find some time to go over that out-of-the-way, nice spot past the swamp, by the crack where the collapsed lizardfolk cave is.

    Since Jonni had been nagging Sabre about teaching him to drink, she had advised him to start with a bottle of Cara-binary or something like that, so we went to get one and brought it with us. We got some venison meat and some snacks too for a nice picnic, and after that he gave me a very tender massage with some of that nice bronzing gel. The sun went down and the sunset made for a perfect setting, the scent in the air was right and we got really mushy and affectionate... so I showed Jonni that I want him to be the one for me. Then he showed me the stars... colourful, vibrant stars.


  • Looks like adventure found us again, instead of us finding it. This time around we had been in Norwick just talking and keeping each other's company, Willow, Jonni and I, along a few others that were less talkative.

    We were just talking about stuff. A green dragon that had been seen in the Rawlinswoods, some past adventures and so on. At one point Jonni looked very serious, saying he had to say something to me, and then he said that Elvira has written him that she's maybe going to be back to Narfell, and was sorry to leave without letting him know.

    Jonni was worried that I'd be angry at that, or maybe I'd not allow him to see Elvira because… well they were fond of each other before Elvira left and I know that. I told him he doesn't have to worry, that I trust him and I don't see Elvira as a threat. Besides, she's always been nice to me, and I'll be happy to see her too.

    I hope Jonni doesn't have me for some kind of black widow that envelops her mate in a thick wall isolated from the world to have him all for herself... I am a spirit of freedom, and the person I want to share my time with needs to be free as well. The only feeling greater than my fear and my worry for my loved ones is my trust in them.

    I think it just goes in Jonni's character to not want to harm people he cares about, even when it's not his intention, and that's why he chose to tell me. And it makes me really happy that he trusts me and cares about me and my feelings so much.

    But on to the adventure! Yeah well, after we talked a bit, Willow began to stretch and excused herself, it was sleepy time for her. But it was an awesome night, and I was just in the mood for having a good time with Jonni, so I thought I wanted to show him a special place I like a lot, but for that we had to go to Peltarch and past the swamps.

    Turns out that just as we got to Peltarch, we found this large gathering of people and we decided to at least say hi before moving on, when a guard came saying that the orcs were attacking! Yeah... Jonni gave me again that "sorry but I have to..." face, and I wasn't about to let him go alone.

    There were lots of people in the group. Couple of the elves that do the elf spirit stuff with Leena, Raryldor and Hen, also one of the stiff knights from the knight order, Shannon something, and even Shessie's big brother... I think I forget more, had almost an army with us! So we went all to look and yeah, there was like an orc army gathering west of town.

    They started fighting the orcs off and pushing them back, like, dozens of orcs, and then we followed the pursuing ones into the canyons. Got a bit deep into it, where the howling worgs are, and looked like there was a landslide that led up the mountain through a pass we had never explored.

    We got to some snowy hills, all filled with big, mean orcs. Some with big axes, others with big swords, others with big crossbows... and all with big tusks. But we had a strong group so it was being pretty okay so far. After a while, we reached a kind of camp with a gathering of orcs, and after clearing it most of them stood around searching, but I was too curious so I went ahead and found some kind of iron fortress, with lots of orcs around it.

    I like, ran back to warn them that maybe we should stop and refresh a little because that looked real tough. They agreed to do that, but seems like while we rested the orcs also regrouped and prepared for the assault... Hen came to tell us that where there were 10 or 15 orcs, now there were like 40 or more!

    So she and I had the best idea ever! The plan was that I'd sneak in invisible and do a couple of Chaos Rules! in the middle of all of them, that were all bunched up and hugged together. Then our warriors could come in and sweep in the confusion. So the rest of the group agreed and we did that.

    Problem... there were two mean sentinels away from the rest, with those huge crossbows... as soon as I did Chaos Rules! they would see me and start sniping at me, and I'm really squishy. But the group and Jonni had trusted me with doing my part... I couldn't return empty handed. I took some breath, did Pretty Fast! on myself, and did two Chaos Rules Forever! on the core of the two tight units of orcs. Then ran like hell and got back!

    Just as I was reaching safety I got shot on the shoulder. Owwww! That hurt... but I was back, and it was a clean wound. Jonni tended to my wound, as we waited a few seconds for Chaos Rules! to take effect... when we went back in, there were about half the orcs left, and some of them were still fighting each other, so I took the opportunity to go ahead and do couple of Chaos Rules! more... yeah, about all the remaining orcs started dancing, singing, and brawling each other! Now our warriors charged in as well and I don't think anyone even got hurt at all as all the orcs were dead in the ground.

    Phew... that was really fun! Now the fortress was in front of us, but it seemed empty and filled with poo. I took into my adventurous strolls again, and found another large group of orcs a bit ahead, around a hill. There was a really huge orc with a huge axe in the middle of all of them, so I went back to warn the group... but they maybe had heard the other battle, because they started charging around the hill.

    Shannon, Raryldor and Jonni ran first as they were doing every fight to keep them from us. At one point I saw Raryldor take a big blow and he had to run a few paces away to get some air and heal himself, so I thought to give him Pretty Fast! so he could escape and prepare to rejoin the battle faster. Then I looked back to where the main fight was...

    I couldn't see Jonni, much as I looked, he was nowhere. The huge orc with the big axe was now facing Shannon and getting shot at. I started to picture what could have happened... that orc that almost killed Raryldor and was giving so much trouble to Shannon... that orc had done something unforgivable, and he was going to pay for it. I began throwing at him empowered Blue Balls of Hurting until he was a dead corpse, and then some more. The orc finally fell and the others chased after the few remaining ahead to finish them off. I stayed behind, looking desperately for Jonni... and I finally found him, laying on the ground, with a big gashing axe wound across his chest that tore his armor open as if it was made of paper, and reached his heart. He was... not moving, and neither was his heart.

    There, time stopped. I hugged him with all my strength and wished to go back just a few minutes so that I could change my choices... so I could make the orc that did that to Jonni Stay Still and everything would be alright. I did not cry, because tears would not fix it. But I knew what would make others think twice before they dared to hurt us again. I took my hunting spear and used all my fury to separate the huge orc's body from his head, to make a trophy with it. Still dripping fresh blood, I put the head in a bag and I went back with Jonni, my hand caresing his cheek, as if he was just asleep... but I knew he wasn't.

    Then someone tapped me on my shoulder with a rod. It was Hen, offering the rod to me, saying that it could help me to bring Jonni back with us. I nodded and grabbed the rod, putting it into the gash that the axe had left in his chest, almost physically touching his heart, wishing it would beat again. Then I felt his flesh closing around the rod, so I pulled it out... the wound was healing itself, and in a few seconds it was all gone. I put my ear on his chest. Tum... tum... tum... tu-tum... tu-tum... tu-tum. His heart was starting, and he opened his eyes, all dazed and confused.

    I hugged him tightly, maybe a bit too tightly for how weak he looked, but he was back with us... I returned the rod thankfully to Hen and the others left us a second of intimacy while Raryldor burned the fortress down with fire elementals. I wanted to tell Jonni so many things, but I thought that was not the place or the time. In the other hand... he thought differently.

    "I love you."

    It was the first time he said that to me openly, without fear of being mistaken, and there was no sign of regret in his eyes. I was so invaded and overwhelmed by all kinds of feelings at that moment... from extreme sorrow to anger, then hope, then joy, and then... this. "I love you too..." I think I managed to speak the words as he smiled. "Let's get you back home, kitty."

    Yeah... I needed a rest, a good one. And he did too. As we went back we still found a "small" white dragon that wasn't much trouble to kill. Dragons are serious business but at that time I could not care much about it. I did see if I could get a scale out of it, but quickly rejoined Jonni to walk back to Peltarch with him.

    Turns out that all that was about the orcs stealing a holy great axe of sorts from the elves, and now the weapon had been recovered and was going to be returned to where it belongs. Looks like we had won the day, and we were thanked for it. I thanked Hen again, and asked Raryldor to take care of my sister in the elven spirit stuff they are doing down in the forests.

    As for Jonni... he didn't want to go home, because he said his mom would know something really bad happened to him from the look in his eye, so I invited him to come to my treehouse and spend the night there. We took the boat, and got there pretty fast, to get our deserved rest. Jonni had had an awful day and I wanted him to feel that I'm with him, that he is the one for me... I wanted him to feel my warmth. I made his rest a little special for him... and I think he liked it.

    I sent him back home in the morning, he looked much better then. Still a little dazed and maybe still feeling a bit lame, but he's a strong wolf, and in time he'll come stronger out of it. I don't know if I have to thank Savras and Selûne for making him as he is, if I have to thank his parents, or maybe he's forged himself to be that noble, caring and selfless. What I know is that right now I want him to be my Alpha.