3. If Troff Could Write

If Troff Could Write


  • Val. Not you too. I can't lose you.

    We were going to the "barrows" the old crypts below pelt, Sy, Eluriale, Val, Havon and myself. To smite undead. We found undead but not the kind we could smite. Spirits opening doors, creating blood, locking doors behind us. It unnerved us all, but Val had seen it before and it was doing -something- bad to her.

    We should have left sooner. She stripped off her armor and ran through the crypts. The spirits took her somewhere.

    I' need to keep looking. I need to find her. Val, I won't abandon you to this madness. Eluriel, Havon and Sy all thought I was crazy, let them. I've lost to many friends already to lose her like this. Lost to many times.

    These spirits think they're haunting me, as I search and search and search again these crypts. But they'll soon learn I'm haunting them. I won't stop. I'll keep looking till I find her or Lathander takes my soul.

    I won't lose you Val. I can't.


  • Well… Rith and I aren't friends. It's not like she hates me or I her or anything. We just... never got that close? It's weird, she feels important to me. I was feeling all, neglected like she didn't want me around, and well that's because she doesn't. At least not when she's trying to relax with her friends. She still feels important, I just don't have any expectations of her to feel the same.

    It makes me worry other people I care about don't really feel the same. I guess I've a habit of feeling things for people that just don't feel them back. It sucks. But at least I don't feel like Rith is being a bad friend anymore, she just.... isn't one.

    I'll have to talk to Thorn about it. He's sort of my friend. Things are really weird between us, they probably always will be, but he's one of the few people I know cares about me. And he's closer with other people than I am. Not on the outside looking in.

    I don't really do much anymore. Just ride back in forth from Peltarch to Norwick over and over looking for my friends. Need to find a hobby, something to do.


  • Some wounds just don't heal.

    Another bad part of being this broken is no one wants to be around it. It's like im a leper or something and I'm driving anyone away. Can't blame them really, I don't want to be around me either.

    There's always Eli but she's always been closer with Thorn than me. Everyone seems to like him or love him more than me. I've nothing for me and now I just drive people away.

    Oh well. Life sucks. Suck it up, trudge on. My sunrise might never be yellow, but that doesn't mean I need to make everyone elses black.


  • Well I don't feel better, and I don't look better, but I sound better. I've come to accept how things will turn out, nothing I can do about it.

    Talking with Rith helped even though she scared the hell out of me by giving me a "quest". Put a sun on my hand and my quest is to "be happier each day than I was the last". When I'm happier than yesterday the sun will shine yellow, when I'm not, well, then it goes dark.

    Since she's put it on I've only had it light up for one day, and that's all thanks to Eli. She understands I think. We're going to make the most of things, enjoy our friendship.

    I'm glad I talked with Rith, got my faith straight. More glad still that I talked with Eli. Fadia has been a good help to, but I don't think she can take to much of seeing me like this. Can't say I blame her, 'm one hell 'f a mess and a reminder and she's trying 't put this all behind her.


  • Seeing them together reminds me of how Eli used to be. When Thorn cam back. Suddenly it seemed like it was just the two of them talking and me well just hanging out.

    I need to find Eli soon. Have some things I need to say and can't tell anyone else. They'd well, don't matter what they'd do I know Eli can keep a secret. For me.

    She calls him pet names and I look over thinking she's talking 't me. She frets over him just like she did me. It's like he's always been the better me. Or maybe I'm just a worse him.

    I think people are getting sick of my hurting. Ignoring it. Thinking maybe it will go away.

    Just don't know what to do.


  • Well I have something I've always wanted, since childhood.

    Sleep. Dreams even.

    They are everything I thought they would be. Only when I'm around her or only when I'm asleep do I find comfort from the pain. I haven't reveried since I heard the news and eventually, I guess I just collapsed from exhaustion.

    Oh the dreams so sweet. I dream of things that have happened, the past with Adriell, the night I first admitted my feeling to her and to myself, us holding hands, her mauling me, long walks, hard fights, making love, holding her as she slept.

    I also dream of things that aren't or never were, things as they should be things of the future. Her still loving me, the bond never being formed, her sweet feral grin, children, growing old. Thorn is even there sometimes, and those dreams are disturbing but nice.

    I always wake up though. Then the reality hits me, the horrible impossible crushing reality.

    Don't know how much longer it will last…


  • I met Thorn today. On the road.

    I stalked up to him with white hot anger, but as soon as I got near I just collapses at his feat babbling "why?" over and over again. Thorn didn't have any answers, only pity. I can't hate him, especially since now the woman I loves soul is part of his. Adriell worries about me, but she's a good person like that. Of course she worries. But she doesn't love, at least not like I do.

    I'd do anything for her.

    Can't stop loving her, and she won't love me back.
    Not now.
    Not anymore.

    Unconditional.
    Unrequited.
    Unbelievable.
    Love.


  • Adriell and Thorn are bonded. Just like that.

    I've cried every day, almost every hour. I've cried blood. It feels like a piece of my soul, all my soul has been ripped right out of me. Nothing but pain. I can't stop loving her, I love her with all my being. Then poof one little bit of elven magic and she loves him more.

    Pain.
    Love.
    Pain unending.


  • The man making clones is back again. Or he sorta is.

    Val and Adriell and I were just exiting the crypts after surviving a few nasty fights. When those circles, those fecking green circles appeard. At first just one, then two more blockingour path. I told them both to stya still and not move, and they both listend.

    Then soemthing different happend, undead archers started fiering at us. Had to risk it, had to charge. I managed to avoid all the green circles but Adriell, poor Adriell didn't. By the end of the fight we had two Dire Bears my barky Adriell and her poor confused clone.

    Then the clone master comes out…. he isn't supposed to be abel to leave the crypts. Well he can't, turnsout thi si sthe clone of him and he had/has? th eorigionalunder his control still working for him int he crypts. Anyway, he said he was going ot take the clone with him. Val and I weren't aobut to let that happen. Seh hit him with some magic and while he was frozen I slit his throat. He didn;'t die like normal blue stuff came out first. Adriells cloen flew away as a bird, I hope this clone stays dead forever and the origonal doesn't make any more.

    Haven't been abel to find the cloan, all this plus harvy is to much for Adriell I think. She's exausted. Fell asleep right on my shoudler, right in my arms.

    It might be bad for her but I think all this crazyness is driving us closer together, which I can't help but like.


  • Well the impossible happened today, twice. One horrible the other great. And this has nothing to do with the hoards of bugbear-undead-hoboblins-drow-kobolds-and gods knows what else attacking the south gates of Norwick. Though it is getting harder to defend, and needing to be defended more often.

    First it's Eli. I found out she was lying to me about the pixie dust. Then I confronted her told her I'd found out and do you know what I got? Nothing. I could hardly believe it. NOTHING! No apology for lying, no explanation, no talking about how hard pixie dust is, about how she got started, hells ntohing even aobut if she enjoys it or why she does it just nothing. A while ago when Jay killed me, just after. Eli told me I was a much better friend to her than she was to me, and she was right. It's only gotten worse. She never shows any interest anymore, hells she doesn't even tell me about her problems anymore. Thats Thorns job now, I guess I was just a cheep replacement until he got back. I've got nothing left to give Elilian, I wish you luck and wish you well.

    Well, after being mad about that was trying to cheer Adriell up(she's having real problems dealing with a Vampire Harvy, the fecker. Need to talk to people at the temple) and nearly killed myself doing it. Fell into the lake in full armor and cloak. Forgot how damn heavy wet armor and shit is. Anyway she jumped in and couldn't pull me up… and so did Thorn, who I didn't even know was there. Really struggling until Adriell turned into a Bear and saved us all from downing.

    Then after Thorn and Noah left me and Adriell sat there talking. I complimented her, she said it sounded like I was hitting on her. And well we started talking. It bothers me a little I think, how hesitant she was. We're dating now, even though neither o us really know if it'll work. But gods it felt good to sit there me holding her, her leaning on me. Don't mess this up Troff Legion, you won't do better.

    Bad then the good. Lost a good friend and gained well something more with someone else that was a good friend.

    Funny what this ugly mug can do.


  • Gods I'm glad for Adriell.

    After I died, in the crypts to those horrible monster I haven't really been abel to leave the city. Well I can't if my packs a mess, that would get me killed again. So I've been putting that off.

    Here I am sitting in Pelt commons starring at my pack for how many days I'm not sure. And she sneaks up on me and gives me a barky hug, guess someone told her. We talked, had dinner. She was there for me, even asked me to come to the glen the inner part so I can relax there. Even gave me one of those magic leaves the druids always use.

    I'm not sure who started it, if I grabbed hers or if she grabbed mine, but we held hands for along time. That was nice, comforting. To bad I nearly fell into Reveri right there on her, not doing that for days at a time catches up with you. She practically made me go rest.

    She'll be waiting for me in the glenn. Guess its time to get my pack together. Potions in the outer pouches, healing on the right enhancements on t he left. Strap my shield belt and two helms to the outside. Emergency potions on my belt, invisibilities, a strong healing or two. Time 't git my shit together, or at leas together enough to see Adriell again.

    I might not be able to pull myself together, but she can.


  • Whatever edge I thought I had, whatever skills I thought I've gained. I've lost them.


  • I'm not sure what happened or what it is, but something just "clicked" the other day. After we got done defeating a mess of bugbears and demons they summoned by sacrificing some poor individuals. I'm just, I don't really know how to describe it, better?

    I dueled Crux and well I've always been good at blocking, or well it's always kept me alive anyway, and she just seemed to be moving so… slow. It's that way when I fight now. Everything just seems to be moving slower and I can hack and thrash out from behind my shield and keep my defenses in tact.

    Blows seem to glance more to, a stab tot he shoulder just.. doesn't seem so bad. Shrug it off and move on. I've got a lot more focused in my fighting I guess. Faster, better. I hope it lasts, it's nice when everyone else seems like they're stuck in molasses.


  • Adriell is back and Jaelle is dead, though the second part sounds like good news it aint.

    Th' crazy girl took out an entire inn in Oscura. Now Oscura aint my favorite place but hells, that was just evil. I hope the body gets hidden away and never found. Or we'll have another Jay. Speaking of Jay's still out there and it seems his revenge is now focused on the sails. Drelen, the leader, got killed in the explosion of the inn, so I guess that's one down. The madman needs to be stopped, but I know I can't beat him.

    Happy new, happy news. Adriell is back finally, though she's a bit out of sorts. Apparently it only seems like 2 weeks to her when it's really been two years. I don't have any clue what that feels like, but "not good" has to be about right.

    As much as I love seeing her again I hate seeing her so confused and sad, or is it angry? Never was good at reading people. Hard to be happy and concerned at the same time but damnit I'm trying. When she's forgetting about all her problems those are the best times in the world.

    Adriell I've missed you.


  • Telli fell, the great mighty hero of all free people Telli is now dead and with Cahunta. I'm a litle sad, not as much as I thought I'd be.

    She's with her god now, none of this uneasy raising going on, no second life. She lived, she did great things, and now she's dead and with her godess. That's the kind of life I want. Though I'd like to die of old age I don't plan on it.

    The Hungry One needs stopping, and there's other threats some more dangerous than others. We just lost maby our strongest individual except maby Grag, so I better step it up.

    In her death she inspires.


  • It's been a while, a few months at least since it's happend. Since that bastard Jay cut me down in the middle of Norwick. Jack did just as much of the work as Jay though. Now they're banned from Norwick and Pelt. Jaelle wasn't there, but she's just as bad as those two.

    Gina got away, and at least I bought her that much time. My death was punishment for soemthing I didn't even do. I want to turn on them with rage and anger, to protect them from murdering anyone else, no more little girls or wives or Gina to be hurt by them.

    Eli and Gina were there for me when I recoverd. I like spending time with Gina even if she is so closed off. And Eli, well she said some things that got me thinking. Said she wasn't as good a freind to me as I was to her, said she'd try and be there more for me.Then left.

    I've died twice now. Came back both times. Jay has been killed, and he comes back. Death is confusing me, it just doesn't seem to stick to anyone arround here.

    I'm glad Gina and Eli are there for me. Good freinds, the best.


  • Tears stain this imaginary page.

    I don't know I just don't know. Eli is gone but not forever I hope.

    She hit her head and now thinks she's some Taena. She's acting like Gina, thinks she's a slave. I have to protect her till she gets better.

    I spend all my time with her just hopping against hope she recovers. Magic hasn't done shit so far. I took her to see her kids, nothing. This is worse than death seeing her this way. Thorn said it used to happen all th' time with his brother, said his brother would recover I hope Eli does.

    I spend a lot of time crying, sobbing until I'm dry. Then wanting to cry more.

    I love Eli. I miss her. She can't be gone she just can't.


  • People have problems, personnel problems. Being in the infected camp south of Norwick is really bringing them out.

    Jaell wants me dead.
    A freind 's after a girl he doesn't think he kin have an'that I want.
    Caelian died and doesn't think he's good enough to just live in peace.
    Aelthas is getting more and more homesick of hsi family, and been doing some real nuts things latly, fighting a Troblin bare handed.
    Jerrick alwayse has problems, alwayse. Seems he's got a grilfriend nwo at least.
    Adriell is gone, I try not 't think 'f her to much, spending time with so many druids it's hard not to.

    A lot of problems, these dont got nothing to do with the dozen or so armies trying 't take out Norwick or just harassing it.

    Gina said she likes 't win. I've never been much of a winir, learned 't role with th' punches take what I kind get fight for every inch. I'm not good enough to protect everyone, and I know it, but hells if that's going 't stop me from trying. Gota learn 't shut out everyones squabbling and bickering.

    Stay focused.
    Fight yer enemies not yer freinds.
    Know what's right.


  • I found Lathander, or he found me through a man named C'tan.

    A group of us were headed through the crypts. Lower levels with undead pouring out like Valshrron himself had walked by.

    I ended up held and helpless in the middle of a room, surrounded. They had me dead to rights, me and Loc both. Then this man rushed to the front and started shoving us toward the exit, as I could only watch on. He fought bravley, with valor, and with no heed ot his own safty only ours.

    He gave his life for us, and I know that Lathander saved me through him. I know, that is the kind of man I strive to be day in and day out. I may not be that man yet, but I'm on my way.

    Yana was right after all.

    Lathander be praised, and thank him for C'tan.


  • I've begun looking into other faiths, other gods and goddesses trying to find one that…. fits. I have Eli to thank for that. She told me all about her own crises of faith, and switching of gods. Such a good friend, always an ear to listen and a good word of advice.

    My first though was Chaunta. God of farmers and all that.

    I look at my life now though, all the fighting all the death. I don't reap or sow. That part of my life is over, at least for now. So that's a big no unfortunately.

    what then? Tempus, Torm, Tyre? Gods all about the fight. I do a lot of fighting. I don't like it though. Grog said i do a lot of bashing so I should pray to Thag god of bashing, I told him I didn't like all th' bashing I did. He pritty quickly agreed that Thag weren't for me.

    So what do I believe in? That was a question Yana asked me. I told her and she said Lthander would fit me, th' god she follows. And it is appealing. I dont know ifin I can just jump right into another gods arms so fast though.

    Miliki, another godess that keeps poping up. Loads of my freinds are Millikkians, even General Lyte. I'll have to ask Jerrick more about her.

    It's not like I can jsut get a list of what th' gods are about, compare it to how I am and pick th' one thats most similar, right? It can't be that simple, faith shouldn't be about similarity. It has to be something I believe in I think.