3. If Troff Could Write

If Troff Could Write


  • Well I was wrong about not being more defeated. I've failed again.

    We finally, finally after way to long wating took the fight to Mintas. And it was hell. Magic stopped working, and we had all the heavy hitters with us. Shannon, Ronan, Jerrick, Fadia, Eluriel others so many others.

    It was hard fighting in the wild magic, but we still were strong. Then whent he magic got turned off, with no healing, and there spells still working, it was murder. We did manage to make it to the final room, top of the tower before we all got slaughtered. Jerrick says he saw Val up there, heh. So close.

    I've been beaten again and again and again. And I can't do it anymore. I've given up on living sitting ehre int he fuge. Haven't I earned my reward? I fought and bled for my home, against evil. Fought and died many times. My losses are many, cand I can't protect people. Every time I try it just blows up in my face.

    I'm sorry Val, I'm sorry Eli, I'm sorry to everyone I've failed and the people who think they need me. They can't count on me I only let them down. I can't go on, I can't keep fighting anymore.

    Which apparently means Lathander wont ahve me either. Some avitar or soemthign of him spoke to me down here, give me the choice of the wall or picking myself back up and living. Heh, apparently getting down after lsoign so many times don't please Lathander.

    I've failed serving my god. No eternal reward, after all I've been through there's nothing for me. I just sit here with bones wating till I forget who I was or the wall takes me.

    I've given up. I can't go on. I'm ashamed. And for all that my friends I'm sorry.

    I'm sorry.


  • Betrayed.

    Fadia led a trip to fight those damn shadows, and we almost hurt them good.

    Found some cave in the Rawlins, apparently Eluriel and Fadia had never seen it before so that was strange. We went down it fighting bugbears, drinking potions.

    There was soem sword there, magic sword. I saw it and I wanted, no , needed that blade. So I grabbed it and with it in hand I felt I could take ont he world. Witht hat blade I'd have the power to beat the shadovar and save Val. It was a hopeful feeling, but terrifying once it pased, that I'd hurt my freinds because they were keeping the blade from me. Not my best moment.

    Deeper and deeper we found a dark black spot. To get through we'd all need a shadow orb, and to get back. We didn't have enough. Eluriel, Fadia, Dondiah, Rico, Elsibeth and myself all went through. We had Benji, Rasuil, Helena and another stay behind.

    Isnide the darkness we fought long and hard. I nearly ran otu of potions but int he end we foudn it. Some cursed thing that hurt those who held it. This was it. This was our Artifact, we'd stopped the Shadovar. Beat them to the punch. Or so I dared hope.

    When we exited that place of shadow, that sodding General again. He had our freidns beaten and tied with blades held to there throats by Shadovar. But I had eyes for only one person, Val.

    There she was in soem magic prison. I tried to reach her, comfort her but some magic kept me from her. She begged me to give the artifact to the general, turn it over. If I'd a had it I dont know what I woudl have done on impulse. I wanted to listen to her and help her so bad it hurt. She still foguht, and I told her to be strong.

    Then everhting went to hell as Fadia made a run for it with the pice. I tried to hodl the general off as long as I could. But it didn't work they kciekd our asses, took the piece, and made off with Val.

    I couldn't be more defeated. Fadia says we were betrayed, and she's probobally right.

    Val I'm coming for you, I don't know how I'll fidn you but I will. Just hold out a litte longer and keep the light alive, even int hat dark place.


  • Val. Not again, not int the same damn place I lost you before. I didn't want to go downinto the Barrows again, not with her. We had a few shadows attack in Pelt.

    Down in the barrows, that damn general took her from me. I couldn't protect her, again. Captured by the shadovar.

    My life now has one purpose: rescure Val and destroy the shadovar. Okay make that two purposess. I'll have help and I'll need it. Feckers, they went to far. I wont rest wont stop till she's back and I've made them pay.


  • Shadovar. Horrans.

    These seem to be coming up in every conversation these days. These seem to be my enemies. But they are both very, very different threats.

    The Shadovar are shades or shadows from far away. Evil undead things looking for something. Els got attacked by them, and apparently they took mys tending up to them as a sign of Norwick declaring war on them. Norwick will need all it's light to defend from them, even Rith. Who I've started to think isn't half as great as I used to give her credit for. She's as rash as I am sometimes. And she disrespected people who had just died, I mean who dose that? I can understand her making the mistake that got them killed, but then she got all huffy and spoke down on the people who just -died-.

    So yah Shadovar: evil, kill on sight.

    The Horrans are a whole different ball of wax. I mean, I know they lost there home and are trying to settle back into Narfell. But they are making the same mistakes there parents did. Antagonizing, banditry. I really want peace with them, I lost my home in Jiyyd liek they lost theres. Ama'bella doesn't seem to think I understand that. Thought she knew me better. I lost my home fer gods sakes, ever since then I've been layign my life on the line to protect other peoples home just like theres. I want to help those bloody horrans, but they seem determined to plug there ears and not listen. Really ticked me off when she talked down to me, treated me like a moron.

    Horrans: Diplomicy if possible, try and hold off this war they keep jamming down our throats.

    One person who hasn't seemed to tick me off lately that I've been spending time with is Yana. She was madder at Rith than i was… And it was nice of her to show me around Pelts docks, even though it didn't last long. She's busy a lot, so what free time she has she has to spend wisely. Meaning I don't see as much of her as I'd like. Oh well, at least she's around.

    Not sure where Gina and Gariel disappeared to. They were good friends. Hope they show up again someday.

    Darkness approaches, I've got to be a shield against it.


  • I went to the elf party. Really didn't want to go for a long time. Figured I'd bring everyone down, that and I don't really like my elven past. After all is it wasn't for elven bonding…

    Anyway I had fun, mostly. Amabella drug me out onto the dance floor, which was nice of her. People started to leave the dance flore alone for a while, and I didn't want Ama to feel bad about not havign anyone dancing so I ended up dancing with Tindra, then La'ali for the final dance.

    La'ali has alwayse seemd a bit weird, but hey I thought druids were all bunch of werdos 20 years ago.

    Rith was there, gave me a pritty warm greeting, asked me how I was aobut my sun. But that's Rith for you hot or cold.

    Yana was ther too. But on guard duty. Which she didn't seem to pleased with. I think working all the time is getting to her, I know how that gose. She's said before that as long as she's in pelt she's never off duty. Figure I'd try and take her mind off it, show her a good tiem sometime. She said I shoudl be able to find her in the Docks. No idea what we'll do but I think she could use a little breather.

    So. Surprising good party.


  • What do i want?

    A simple question, with a simpel answer. But for some reaosn when Jerrick asked it, I couldn't give him an answer he'd take. First thing that sprang 't mind was Adriell of corse, but he said it takes two for that and it has to be comething I want for myself. What do you want Troff Legion?

    Myrrah sees things. Sees what people are I think. She said I am a wolf. Which I thought was nice, then she added that I was a lone wolf. A sad lone wolf at that. Heh.

    Galriell has been a comfort when she's arround. Almsot as much of a mess as I am.

    Thorn has been kinda distant. I remind him of her, and that she's gone. At least I think so, not sure. Most the time Thorn just goofs arround. Which is good. Keep things light, heavy things git hard to carry.

    What do I want?
    Think maby I want to stand my ground. Do what I've alwayse done for other people, stand up for myself and defend my thoughts, feelings ideas. Sounds good doesn't it?

    What do I want?


  • Theres some ghost girl south of Norwick. I think she needs help. Undead always show up after she appears and attack everything. She gave Thorn and Jerrick (of course them again) visions of where she is. Her soul is trapped in a jema nd we think its in the cold caves.

    Jerrick led a trip out to go check it out. We started with a good group of us but slowly peoe had to leave till it was Albryanna, Jerrick, me and Diadne. Well I got beat to hell by the gnolls before we even made it to the cave. And I've been runing low on potions, and spending a lot of gold. So I took Diadne and left before we even made it to the caves while Jerrikc and Albreanna pressed on.

    I think that was a mistake.

    Jerricks made some comment about me not thinking saving her is important enough, about abandoning him. And Rith took some shot at me before we left on our next trip to the cold caves about nobody turning back once we got started. Great, our relatiosn with each other are even mroe rocky.

    So I set out with Rith, Thorn, Fadia, and Albyana this time to the cold caves. We fought our way to the bottom then all hell broke lose. Undead ogers. I nearly died, Rith ran out of healing. And she used up all her potions. Val saved us though, she had given me a crystal to turn us all invisible long ago, I broke it near the exit to escape the ambush of gnolls.

    Hopefuly that whole trip was a little nudge to better things between them and I. Trust needs to be earned I guess, so I'll earn it the hard way. With my steel. Just hope I don't run out of gold to buy potions.

    Adriell I miss you. Even if we can never be together, I miss you and want you back here with us. I want you happy, and home.


  • Only took a tenday in that godforsaken place to find her. All curled up in a ball and scared, blood everywhere. I grabbed Val and led her out of that hole. Stayed with her till the dawn and then some.

    I've lost to many friends. To many loves. To many people I care about. This shadow man is still after her, and he scares her. But he can't have her, I won't let him. Val, I'll be there when you need me, hold you closs and keep away that darkness.

    You are to great a person, to important to the world, to important to me.

    It's my own selfishness driving my stubbornness. I'm glad I saved you, just wish it was for the right reasons. My friends, the ones I have left, I need them. I'm going to fight to keep every last one as close as I can to me. Especially you Val. Especially now.


  • Val. Not you too. I can't lose you.

    We were going to the "barrows" the old crypts below pelt, Sy, Eluriale, Val, Havon and myself. To smite undead. We found undead but not the kind we could smite. Spirits opening doors, creating blood, locking doors behind us. It unnerved us all, but Val had seen it before and it was doing -something- bad to her.

    We should have left sooner. She stripped off her armor and ran through the crypts. The spirits took her somewhere.

    I' need to keep looking. I need to find her. Val, I won't abandon you to this madness. Eluriel, Havon and Sy all thought I was crazy, let them. I've lost to many friends already to lose her like this. Lost to many times.

    These spirits think they're haunting me, as I search and search and search again these crypts. But they'll soon learn I'm haunting them. I won't stop. I'll keep looking till I find her or Lathander takes my soul.

    I won't lose you Val. I can't.


  • Well… Rith and I aren't friends. It's not like she hates me or I her or anything. We just... never got that close? It's weird, she feels important to me. I was feeling all, neglected like she didn't want me around, and well that's because she doesn't. At least not when she's trying to relax with her friends. She still feels important, I just don't have any expectations of her to feel the same.

    It makes me worry other people I care about don't really feel the same. I guess I've a habit of feeling things for people that just don't feel them back. It sucks. But at least I don't feel like Rith is being a bad friend anymore, she just.... isn't one.

    I'll have to talk to Thorn about it. He's sort of my friend. Things are really weird between us, they probably always will be, but he's one of the few people I know cares about me. And he's closer with other people than I am. Not on the outside looking in.

    I don't really do much anymore. Just ride back in forth from Peltarch to Norwick over and over looking for my friends. Need to find a hobby, something to do.


  • Some wounds just don't heal.

    Another bad part of being this broken is no one wants to be around it. It's like im a leper or something and I'm driving anyone away. Can't blame them really, I don't want to be around me either.

    There's always Eli but she's always been closer with Thorn than me. Everyone seems to like him or love him more than me. I've nothing for me and now I just drive people away.

    Oh well. Life sucks. Suck it up, trudge on. My sunrise might never be yellow, but that doesn't mean I need to make everyone elses black.


  • Well I don't feel better, and I don't look better, but I sound better. I've come to accept how things will turn out, nothing I can do about it.

    Talking with Rith helped even though she scared the hell out of me by giving me a "quest". Put a sun on my hand and my quest is to "be happier each day than I was the last". When I'm happier than yesterday the sun will shine yellow, when I'm not, well, then it goes dark.

    Since she's put it on I've only had it light up for one day, and that's all thanks to Eli. She understands I think. We're going to make the most of things, enjoy our friendship.

    I'm glad I talked with Rith, got my faith straight. More glad still that I talked with Eli. Fadia has been a good help to, but I don't think she can take to much of seeing me like this. Can't say I blame her, 'm one hell 'f a mess and a reminder and she's trying 't put this all behind her.


  • Seeing them together reminds me of how Eli used to be. When Thorn cam back. Suddenly it seemed like it was just the two of them talking and me well just hanging out.

    I need to find Eli soon. Have some things I need to say and can't tell anyone else. They'd well, don't matter what they'd do I know Eli can keep a secret. For me.

    She calls him pet names and I look over thinking she's talking 't me. She frets over him just like she did me. It's like he's always been the better me. Or maybe I'm just a worse him.

    I think people are getting sick of my hurting. Ignoring it. Thinking maybe it will go away.

    Just don't know what to do.


  • Well I have something I've always wanted, since childhood.

    Sleep. Dreams even.

    They are everything I thought they would be. Only when I'm around her or only when I'm asleep do I find comfort from the pain. I haven't reveried since I heard the news and eventually, I guess I just collapsed from exhaustion.

    Oh the dreams so sweet. I dream of things that have happened, the past with Adriell, the night I first admitted my feeling to her and to myself, us holding hands, her mauling me, long walks, hard fights, making love, holding her as she slept.

    I also dream of things that aren't or never were, things as they should be things of the future. Her still loving me, the bond never being formed, her sweet feral grin, children, growing old. Thorn is even there sometimes, and those dreams are disturbing but nice.

    I always wake up though. Then the reality hits me, the horrible impossible crushing reality.

    Don't know how much longer it will last…


  • I met Thorn today. On the road.

    I stalked up to him with white hot anger, but as soon as I got near I just collapses at his feat babbling "why?" over and over again. Thorn didn't have any answers, only pity. I can't hate him, especially since now the woman I loves soul is part of his. Adriell worries about me, but she's a good person like that. Of course she worries. But she doesn't love, at least not like I do.

    I'd do anything for her.

    Can't stop loving her, and she won't love me back.
    Not now.
    Not anymore.

    Unconditional.
    Unrequited.
    Unbelievable.
    Love.


  • Adriell and Thorn are bonded. Just like that.

    I've cried every day, almost every hour. I've cried blood. It feels like a piece of my soul, all my soul has been ripped right out of me. Nothing but pain. I can't stop loving her, I love her with all my being. Then poof one little bit of elven magic and she loves him more.

    Pain.
    Love.
    Pain unending.


  • The man making clones is back again. Or he sorta is.

    Val and Adriell and I were just exiting the crypts after surviving a few nasty fights. When those circles, those fecking green circles appeard. At first just one, then two more blockingour path. I told them both to stya still and not move, and they both listend.

    Then soemthing different happend, undead archers started fiering at us. Had to risk it, had to charge. I managed to avoid all the green circles but Adriell, poor Adriell didn't. By the end of the fight we had two Dire Bears my barky Adriell and her poor confused clone.

    Then the clone master comes out…. he isn't supposed to be abel to leave the crypts. Well he can't, turnsout thi si sthe clone of him and he had/has? th eorigionalunder his control still working for him int he crypts. Anyway, he said he was going ot take the clone with him. Val and I weren't aobut to let that happen. Seh hit him with some magic and while he was frozen I slit his throat. He didn;'t die like normal blue stuff came out first. Adriells cloen flew away as a bird, I hope this clone stays dead forever and the origonal doesn't make any more.

    Haven't been abel to find the cloan, all this plus harvy is to much for Adriell I think. She's exausted. Fell asleep right on my shoudler, right in my arms.

    It might be bad for her but I think all this crazyness is driving us closer together, which I can't help but like.


  • Well the impossible happened today, twice. One horrible the other great. And this has nothing to do with the hoards of bugbear-undead-hoboblins-drow-kobolds-and gods knows what else attacking the south gates of Norwick. Though it is getting harder to defend, and needing to be defended more often.

    First it's Eli. I found out she was lying to me about the pixie dust. Then I confronted her told her I'd found out and do you know what I got? Nothing. I could hardly believe it. NOTHING! No apology for lying, no explanation, no talking about how hard pixie dust is, about how she got started, hells ntohing even aobut if she enjoys it or why she does it just nothing. A while ago when Jay killed me, just after. Eli told me I was a much better friend to her than she was to me, and she was right. It's only gotten worse. She never shows any interest anymore, hells she doesn't even tell me about her problems anymore. Thats Thorns job now, I guess I was just a cheep replacement until he got back. I've got nothing left to give Elilian, I wish you luck and wish you well.

    Well, after being mad about that was trying to cheer Adriell up(she's having real problems dealing with a Vampire Harvy, the fecker. Need to talk to people at the temple) and nearly killed myself doing it. Fell into the lake in full armor and cloak. Forgot how damn heavy wet armor and shit is. Anyway she jumped in and couldn't pull me up… and so did Thorn, who I didn't even know was there. Really struggling until Adriell turned into a Bear and saved us all from downing.

    Then after Thorn and Noah left me and Adriell sat there talking. I complimented her, she said it sounded like I was hitting on her. And well we started talking. It bothers me a little I think, how hesitant she was. We're dating now, even though neither o us really know if it'll work. But gods it felt good to sit there me holding her, her leaning on me. Don't mess this up Troff Legion, you won't do better.

    Bad then the good. Lost a good friend and gained well something more with someone else that was a good friend.

    Funny what this ugly mug can do.


  • Gods I'm glad for Adriell.

    After I died, in the crypts to those horrible monster I haven't really been abel to leave the city. Well I can't if my packs a mess, that would get me killed again. So I've been putting that off.

    Here I am sitting in Pelt commons starring at my pack for how many days I'm not sure. And she sneaks up on me and gives me a barky hug, guess someone told her. We talked, had dinner. She was there for me, even asked me to come to the glen the inner part so I can relax there. Even gave me one of those magic leaves the druids always use.

    I'm not sure who started it, if I grabbed hers or if she grabbed mine, but we held hands for along time. That was nice, comforting. To bad I nearly fell into Reveri right there on her, not doing that for days at a time catches up with you. She practically made me go rest.

    She'll be waiting for me in the glenn. Guess its time to get my pack together. Potions in the outer pouches, healing on the right enhancements on t he left. Strap my shield belt and two helms to the outside. Emergency potions on my belt, invisibilities, a strong healing or two. Time 't git my shit together, or at leas together enough to see Adriell again.

    I might not be able to pull myself together, but she can.


  • Whatever edge I thought I had, whatever skills I thought I've gained. I've lost them.