Into the Mind of a Priestess
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I have had some time to speak with the woman who follows Kelemvor, the one I met upon my arrival to these lands. I have learned in this conversation that the lady who holds a high ranking place in the Order of the Divine Shield is also a follower of Kelemvor. Apparently there is also an Order devoted to Him, the Knights of the Watchful Repose I believe. This woman does not seem one to stand around in conversation. She seems more apt to be looking for something to battle. Both the knight-warrior and I declined her offer to take us into the swamps to battle the wisps there. I have already done so and the knight-warrior had other business to tend to.
Afore her arrival, the knight-warrior and I were speaking of his code. He confuses me at times and this time was one of them. When he first began speaking of it, he stated that he cannot think certain thoughts because those thoughts will break his code. This made no sense to me at all so I questioned him on it. He then stated that thinking leads to speaking and speaking his thoughts would break his code. So, am I to understand that he cannot have thoughts or speak them because doing so will break his code? Again I questioned him and he stated that thinking certain things would lead to speaking them and speaking them would lead to acting on them. By this time, I was thoroughly confused. Is it not one’s ACTIONS that break a code? And are we not all responsible for controlling our ACTIONS, yet how many of us have control over our thoughts or even what we speak? And do we not all at some point speak things we would never ACT upon? Baffled and quite ready to abandon the conversation, I stood there simply staring at him blankly. Tis when he leaned in and whispered to me, “M’lady, you are beautiful.” Ah, so THIS is what he speaks of! At last the entire conversation made sense, even though I do not agree with all of it. I suppose that he fears if he speaks his thoughts in this regard, it will lead to a wish to act upon them which would indeed break his code given that I am spoken for. Though, should such a compliment be withheld on this basis? I do not know.
I asked him to help me with the backswing of my weapon. I have seen his finesse in battle and his claim to knighthood should also come with a good knowledge of all types of weapons in battle. He agreed and I showed him what it was I was struggling with. I felt rather foolish when he immediately saw what I was doing wrong. He moved in behind me and guided my swing, showing me the proper height and wrist movement, as well as how to make this swing one fluid motion. I tried it a few times and although it was better, I still seemed to wrap the chain about my hand upon finishing the swing. He watched and stated that I am moving my fingers aft beginning the swing and he showed me where to place them and in what manner to move my fingers to get the proper effect. I have spent much time in the training room in the Temple of Helm here in Jiyyd and I grow discouraged attempting to learn this. He makes it seem so easy! I tried one last time, doing as he directed with my hand position and finger movement though it gained me a large sliver from the handle. I pulled the sliver from my hand with a sigh. The poor man was apologizing profusely. He stated that he should have checked the weapon more thoroughly. I told him that I had known of the rough spot in the handle and had simply not had the time to fix it. He pulled a small stone from his pack and ran it swiftly over the handle several times, leaving it smooth again. I asked him what it was he used to do this and he stated, “Tis a stone m’lady.” “No kidding?” I thought in silence. I shall have to learn of the type of stone another time as the hour had grown quite late and we both needed to retire. We agreed to continue the lesson at a time when we are well rested and fresh.
I have seen little of the one I love since his return. I am not certain what occupies so much of his time. I can only surmise that being a recruit for the Legion is demanding.
I miss our talks. I miss speaking to him of the things I learn and encounter and hearing him tell of his own experiences. I miss him.
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I have met another knight. A knight who follows Milil and lives by the old knight’s code. He is handsome and very well mannered, if not a bit quiet. We spoke for some time in Jiyyd and he shared with me about Milil and what it is that his Order does. We spoke of his wish to meet with the Masters of the Bardic College and that he has had little to no success in doing so. He states that his Order is small and he is, indeed, the only one I have met of his faith. Perhaps, if he wishes to further his Order here and I can aid him in doing so, it will give me an opportunity to act for Torm under the Duty of Persecution.
While in Jiyyd, I met a Halfling walking about, obviously badly wounded. I offered first to tend to his wounds, which he agreed to. Aft this was accomplished, I asked what happened to him and we talked for some time. He told a story of ogres in Nars Pass. I ensured he meant ogres and not the usual hobgoblins that reside there. He spoke of the ogres wearing odd markings that he had not seen afore and described the markings for me, even drawing out a picture of them. The markings are a dark colored fist with green rays coming out of it. Though I am unfamiliar with these markings, I fully intend to research them. He gave me his name and stated that his bodyguard was killed in the Pass by the Ogres. I ensured him that I would give all of this information to the Legion that they might check into the matter. He further stated that he was a merchant and that all of his gold was on his bodyguard, leaving him with nothing. I gave him 30 gold to keep him for awhile until he can again pursue his business. Though I did not ask, I learned that he gives thanks to Yondalla as when I presented him with the gold, he stated something of Her. I have left a letter under the door of the Legion Hall, addressed to both of the generals I have met previously, informing them of all the information I gathered on this matter. I further asked the Troff Legion guard nearby to ensure that they received it. I trust they will see to it.
Aft parting with the Halfling and leaving the letter for the Generals of the Legion, I sat at the fire nearby the Inn. A woman I had not seen afore came in through the west gates and we talked a bit. I asked her if she had seen any ogres in the pass and told her what the Halfling had shared with me. She stated the Pass was clear and even the hobgoblins seemed quiet. As we spoke, the archer of the Wolves approached. I asked him also if he had come from the Pass and informed him of what I was told. He and the woman were obviously known to each other and as he greeted me by name, the woman spoke her thoughts of what a beautiful name I have. I thanked her and asked for her own name which she gave me and the archer then made introductions. Come to find out, she is the one the knight-warrior was told to seek out, the paladin of Tyr and a member of the Order of the Divine Shield. Her eyes were dark underneath and red rimmed, baring signs of little rest, though she seemed pleasant enough to begin with.
She offered to take the both of us to the Temple of Helm where we could dry from the rain and have some warm tea. The thought was lovely though I found it odd that she had such access to the Temple of Helm. The archer stated he would be going back into the Pass to check for ogres. It concerned me that he would be going alone, yet he insisted and there is little I can offer in the way of assistance against such beasts. The woman stated she had just come from the Pass and all was quiet and well with no sign of ogres.
Still, he wished to check on the situation, which I can fully understand as if they were hiding perhaps in the hills and planning an ambush, innocent travelers would surely lose their lives.The paladin proceeded to speak in an angry tone to the archer. She spoke of a letter he had sent her and of how she rarely leaves Oscura…I have to wonder why she chooses to reside there to begin with…and that should he wish information from her in the future, he would not receive it as she had made a trip specifically to share information about recent events regarding undead and other matters that I have no knowledge of. The undead piqued my interest, though before I could ask, the two were arguing as children with the archer accusing her of not sharing information for a year and her accusing him of basically wasting her time, as though he was supposed to somehow know she was there for this purpose.
We walked further towards the Temple and the two stood in argument for some time, leaving me utterly baffled at the childish behavior. I have seen far too much of this since my arrival and I grow tired of people being unable to see the consequences of it. Aft a few moments and being shocked by their verbal abuse of each other, I addressed them both in a manner meant to get their attention. Though I did not raise my voice, I made my words heard as I stated, “Excuse me…please…but does it not stand to reason that much more will be accomplished if we can all work together instead of wasting precious time arguing over petty issues?!” They both fell silent for a long moment as I looked back and forth between them in expectation of a response. The paladin spoke first and said, “I was merely offended that I come here to share information and he is going to leave.” I answered her stating that it was not his wish to leave and that he meant her no disrespect, he was merely attempting to thwart a possible threat against innocent people. The archer was still silent at this point, though he nodded in verification of what I had spoken. After a moment, the paladin sighed and rubbed her eyes stating, “If this is so, then I am sorry. I am tired and have not been sleeping well of late.” I smiled to her, finding her ability to realize the negative in her actions humble as well as adult in manner. The archer then sighed and stated, “And I apologize for the tone of the letter I sent to you.” I believe my heart sang out in joy. Can there really be hope that the different orders and organizations in these lands can again work together? There most assuredly can, provided they keep their focus on the common goals rather than the small differences that might lie between them. Combined, these orders and organizations would be such a formidable force that only a fool would dare to trifle with them. I shall continue to work towards this goal. Perhaps this is the reason Torm has brought me here.
I was unable to attend tea with them as it was time for my studies and then prayers, though I believe on the morrow I will go out and gather some herbs for the paladin. What I intend to gather will help her sleep much better and leave no ill affects when she awakens.
Praise be to Torm for the victory I have seen this day.
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He has returned!!! the bolded words are written in a flourish of excitement, the vibrant blue ink standing out on the page
At last, he has returned to me! Although he claims his journey gave him no revelations from Mielikki, I believe it did, though he does not yet see them. He is much happier, much more at peace since his return. Yes, his spontaneous behavior continues, though tis a part of who he is. Perhaps this is why we have found each other. We differ greatly in these ways so perhaps I might learn not to over think things and he might learn to think them through more carefully? After all, all of nature is a balance.
Little time was afforded for us to speak with each other. He disappeared to somewhere, though I knew not where. Later, as the knight-warrior and I stepped into the Legion Hall with a Legion General, I found he was sitting there speaking with someone I had not met.
The knight-warrior and I had many questions to ask of the General, although for somewhat different reasons. I found the General to be informative, knowledgeable and in no way judgmental of those not a part of his Legion. How refreshing this was. After a long meeting, another of the Legion’s Generals joined us, a female servant of Mielikki. She was also very informative, pleasant and lacked the judgmental quality I have found in most of the Order in Peltarch.
The questions I asked of them were not designed to be easily answered, yet neither of them stumbled at all in their responses. They were both put into a place that allowed them the opportunity to judge others, yet they did not do so. Truly, I am impressed with what I have seen and heard from them. The knight-warrior is considering joining them. I believe this would be a good move for him, though he must come to his own decision on this matter. I, though highly impressed with the Legion thus far, am not so apt to join any Order as of yet. My duties are clear and although the Legion offers some avenues to accomplish them, others are not present. I believe though, that it would be a severe misstep if I did not offer my aid to the Legion given what they stand for. They are not a political order and they accept any who worship Gods of good will. Such a pleasant change from what I have seen elsewhere. I shall pen a letter to the Generals.
The one I love has joined the Legion…already. Apparently this is what he was doing when he disappeared. He states he is not yet a full member, which I already know, but none the less, he did make the decision to join them as a recruit. I was surprised that he did not speak to me of it first since it will affect us both, though this seems to be typical of his behavior. His demeanor fell when he thought he had disappointed me. In truth, aft what I had learned in my own meeting, I was quite pleased with his decision and I stated so, thrice. He seems to put so much weight on my opinions of him and his actions…after they are done. Indeed, a most interesting way of structuring a relationship. Perhaps being in the Legion will teach him a bit of personal discipline in the decision making process. I worry for him, greatly and when he is absent, I fear someone will tell me he is not returning due to his ill thought out decisions. This is, apparently, a fear I must live with, at least for now.
The woman warrior…I simply do not know what to make of her anymore. I have learned she is supposedly married to another woman, yet she and the General made such comments and tossed such innuendo back and forth that I have to wonder if she is true in her marriage or if perhaps her spouse does not expect her to be… or if perhaps she is even married at all? She baffles me. She seems to be quick to judge without having all of the facts and then must later apologize for her actions, as the General told me she had done. She seems likable enough and I enjoy her wit most of the time but I can not seem to figure out what it is she stands for when all of the superficial fronts are stripped away.
The knight-warrior has been rather subdued the last couple of times I have seen him. I am uncertain as to why this change of behavior has taken place, but I shall still be available to him should he wish counsel. If not, perhaps he has at last found one of his own faith to counsel with.
I look forward to speaking with the one I love of the many things that have taken place in his absence….though, I am uncertain as to whether that will take place or not since much of his time will be taken in service to the Legion now. Perhaps, since the woman General is also a servant of Mielikki, I might take one of these matters to her should the one I love have no time. I cannot continue to wait on this one.
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Today was an interesting day in many regards, to include what I view as answers to prayer.
Coin is certainly not easy to come by in these lands and although I do not hold it in a high place of priority, it is necessary for one to buy proper equipment for confrontations with the many evils that dwell here.
Some time ago, the woman paladin I met lent me a suit of mail armor. She did so stating, “Those in the Order of the Divine Shield help each other out.” When I expressed my wish to learn about this Order before joining it, she changed it and said the armor was a gift rather than a loan. Since that time, I have been working on gathering enough gold to purchase a new set of armor so that I might return this one to her…or to the Order. I felt as though keeping it made me beholden to them, a feeling I can not afford at this time given what I am seeing. Each day I pray to Torm that He will provide a way for me to earn enough for the new armor needed. He knows my heart and my reasons so I have awaited His answer.
Apparently the little gnome who had set up the competition to find all the odd items for him has returned and judged our team to have won the contest. I received a parchment from a badger, covered in slobber that made it difficult to read the smudged ink. The badger dropped the parchment at my feet and scurried off. The parchment, written by the man who seems in ill health consistently, told of the rewards given by the gnome and the times they would be distributed. The dwarven woman, the warrior-knight and I headed south from Peltarch as we were to meet with everyone there at the given time.
All were present save for the performer and a woman I did not know whose words were somewhat broken when she spoke. It was determined that each would roll a pair of die and would then choose from items in order from the highest roll to the lowest. Those not present were rolled for, the supposed evil caster rolling for the performer woman and the dwarven woman rolling for the other woman. I have seen dice games played afore though I have ne’er partaken. I was first to roll and of a possible 20, I rolled a 19. The others followed in suit, taking their turns to roll. Much to my surprise, the 19 was the highest roll and I was told to choose one of the items given as a reward. There were several laid out, many most useful and some even rare from what I am told, though there was only one I found a purpose and reason to own…a set of armor. It is full plate armor, absolutely beautiful, baring a magical enhancement to add to its protection value. Truly, this is an answer to prayer from Torm as now I can return the other armor to the paladin along with my thanks, after I clean and polish it. I know now that I am on the path He wishes me to be as I study, learn and see workings of this Order.
Later on in the day, the warrior-knight and I spoke at length again of his wish to become a paladin. I am concerned for him…perhaps more than I should be. He is young, ambitious and has a golden heart but he is so very naïve. I fear that his drive and ambition will land him in a place he will not fit into, thus rendering him very unhappy.
I simply will not tell him what he wishes to hear from me. Rather, I challenge him to think, deeply, of the consequences of his actions and wishes. I believe he finds me harsh with my warnings at times and feels as though I am attempting to dampen his ambition and drive. Such is not so. I care for his well being and were I to state this, knowing his feelings for me, it could give him hope that should not be there. I am in an uncomfortable predicament with him so I do my best to counsel him and answer his questions, to care for his future and yet to still come across as it being only counsel….but is it?Late into the night, unable to sleep, I put on my new armor and thanked Torm for it yet again. Leaving the Inn, I walked to the nearby campfire thinking I would sit quietly and contemplate recent happenings. Another woman was there, one I had seen afore though the last time I saw her, she was in the arms of a gnome who claimed she was his bodyguard and she was quite lifeless. We spoke briefly and I told her I was glad to see her alive and well again. After a few moments, the gnome came running through the gate into Jiyyd as though he were on fire. Startled, I asked him if everything was alright. He stated twas fine now that he had found his boobyguard. I did not ask of this as I thought perhaps I had misheard him.
Conversation continued and I learned his name as well as the fact that he believes he can give others gnomish good luck by hugging them. He is a caster of the arcane I believe, his bodyguard being one of the forests, either druidic or perhaps ranger, as she called upon a wolf to help her. The gnomish man has the longest last name I believe I have e’er heard. He challenged me to say it five times quickly and I declined, stating I believe my tongue would fall out. He asked if I wished good luck and I stated to him that I may in the near future, should the one I love not return soon. Truly twas merely in jest as I do not believe in luck, yet he had me stand and lower myself some then he hugged me and stated that I now have good luck and that the one I love will soon return. This little one is a bit…daffy, though likeable all the same.
He stated that he and his boobyguard, that word again, were going to go into the swamps and gather balls of light for a project he is working on. The woman must have seen my dismay at hearing this word twice now and she told me tis what they call a female bodyguard. I was asked to accompany them into the swamps and though I was getting tired, and had been warned of the trolls there, I did so, aft being assured we would go nowhere near the trolls. I was most curious as to what these balls of light might be.
Upon entering the swamp, he warded me from the elements and warned me not to attack the balls of light should the ward end. He then called for aid from a minion. Although I have ne’er seen one afore, I believe from what I read that he called an imp. I shall be researching this further. What a dark and dingy place. I could not even see my own feet at times, much less anything in the distance. We encountered birds that were quite vicious and attacked upon noticing our presence. Those were easily defeated. The balls of light he described, I learned quickly, were wisps. Not so easily defeated and quite adept at dodging my swings, they seemed to dance about as though they were merely air. We wandered the swamps engaging them in battle. With each one defeated, he gathered up the balls of light and tucked them away. He is very adept with a crossbow and could defeat them from a distance afore they e’er reached us. Wandering further south in the swamp in search of these balls of light, he noted our position and stated we should return lest we be troll stew. That thought made me shiver.
We left the swamps and returned to the fire in Jiyyd. I saw to both of their wounds, calling on Torm’s power to heal them. I have learned that he wishes to find a way to harness the energy of the wisps and use it. Bidding them both a goodbye, I went back to the Inn and cleaned my armor. I gathered my studies and sat down to perhaps learn more of this creature he summoned for aid though what I found instead was another answer to prayer. It would seem I am indeed following the path Torm wishes me on as He has again blessed me with more divine magics. I feel my strength in my faith grow greatly since my arrival here and His presence ever near. Thank You, Torm, for all You have granted me and for Your faith in me.
I still await the return of the man I love. I grow a bit concerned as he has been gone for many days now, though I shall trust that he is well and shall return to me refreshed and with new perspective and purpose.
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Much has taken place. While in Jiyyd, a man I do not know walked by me and asked me to “said hello to paladin lady when you see her and said I find how to make mark go aways, she will understand.” I have never met this man so I am uncertain of how he would know who MY acquaintances are, further I am uncertain as to whom the message should go. Never the less, I sought him out though could not find him but I did find the knight-warrior in the company of two of the Divine Shield’s high ranking officials, a lady with a pleasant demeanor and a man, the one who follows Mystra. He was obviously enthralled by her and hung on her every word. What is it about this Order that leads people in before they have learned how the Order acts under various circumstances?
More than once I have seen members of said order act in a manner that left me shocked and appalled given what they are supposed to stand for. Humility? I have seen none of that whatsoever either in the acting members nor the high ranking officers, at least not until meeting this lady last eve…. though I am not certain twas humility I saw in her either. She seems pleasant enough and on the surface seems to hold a humble attitude, though I thought the same of others I met until I witnessed them showing their true colors. Humility is certainly not a trait shown by the members of this Orders and in fact, it would seem that being self-righteous and extremely judgmental are traits that this Order requires of its members and those I have witnessed personally certainly do qualify.
The knight-warrior shall have to make his own decisions on whether to join this Order or not, though my personal opinion at this time is that they have become just as the order at home, self-righteous, judgmental and far too interested in political affairs. Again, I shall wait and watch and learn.
Upon our return to Peltarch we were greeted by the woman warrior who follows Lady Luck and the man who always seems in ill health. Almost immediately the woman warrior positioned herself next to the woman who holds a high rank in the Order and whispering ensued. The whispering continued on for some time as I spoke with the man in ill health for awhile and the knight-warrior asked a couple more questions of the woman who is in the Order.
I nearly laughed aloud when he asked her if a paladin was required to be a zealot. He is very naïve at times and has much to learn of the ways of those who are called into service to the Gods. Her answer was rather unimpressive and general, though at least it showed that she has an opinion that differs from most of what I have seen from them.
The man I love speaks highly of this woman warrior, yet it seems each time I see her she is downgrading someone for something, speaking ill of them to others. This time it was the Legion she spoke such of, though she attempted to coat it in honey. “Ah, the Legion. Good people who make bad mistakes,” she stated with the air of judgment that seems to be typical in this city. Bad mistakes according to whom? To her? Is that not based on whom it is judging their decision? Jiyyd seems to be thriving from what I have seen so apparently their decisions are not terribly bad. Politics again. It simply amazes me how those who do follow the Gods seem to easily lose sight of their requirements when politics are involved.
My letter was received by the man who follows Gond and he was in agreement to speak with me at length. We talked for quite some time and some of the things he spoke to me left me shocked, though given what I have seen, I believe him to be speaking truth. I have agreed to aid him in the fight against evil, as is my sworn duty for Torm, with the stipulation that I am able to do so as my training is still sorely lacking given the lack of a hierarchy in the Church. If I could find one person here who is not tainted by politics and a sense of self-righteousness, one who follows one of the Triad or even a God they work with, I would surely bend their ear in regards to all I have seen and heard thus far. I would have a million questions to ask of them and I am quite certain that the conversation would last for days on end. However, no such person seems to exist, or at least I have not found them as of yet. Perhaps Torm means me to see all of the political garbage seeping into the faith before I find one I can trust enough to speak to openly about these concerns. The man who follows Gond gave me a warning of sorts not to attempt to speak of this in the city. He told me to go south and put my efforts in there where they would actually be appreciated. He seems to have a defeatist attitude in regards to this city, one I hope not to adopt for myself.
Later as I tried to pen my journal entry outdoors by the temple, it began to rain. No surprise. It seems to rain here more than it shines. I grow weary of the incessant rain and inability to be outdoors where I prefer. I gathered my journal, quill and ink bottle and went back inside the Temple at the altar of Torm to write there. Shortly aft, the knight-warrior entered and seemed to wish to speak with me, though he seemed leery of doing so. When he was finally seated, he asked to clarify something he had been told by the two officials of the Order. Apparently this was discussed at great length, though no explanation was given to him so that he could understand the difference between grace, favor and gifts from the Gods. I did my best to explain them to him and also told him that what I stated was my opinion of the definitions. He seemed to understand them satisfactorily aft our discussion.
He has had a sudden and avid interest in paladins of late and again, he asked me a question about paladins. I asked of him why he held such an interest in them and his answer came as quite a surprise to me. He stated in no uncertain terms, “Because I wish to become one,” as though twas something one could simply just become. He is indeed quite naïve and has much to learn on these matters and given such, I advised him that no matter how hard he worked to become a paladin, he would ne’er achieve it unless Tyr Himself called him to be one. I further advised him that as a warrior, he has a certain leeway for mistakes. Should he make a mistake in his faith, although Tyr may chastise him for it, he will not fall from grace. As a paladin, he would fall from grace and the abilities and divine magics given him would be taken away. He seemed to understand what I spoke and as we both had other duties to tend to, we part ways. I noted his posture as he departed and his shoulders slumped, his step was not normal. It was not my intent to discourage him, merely to ensure he is thinking CAREFULLY about what he strives to be. This path is far from an easy one. Far, far from an easy one. I hope he will consider it carefully afore leaping into it without the knowledge he should have.
The one I love has not returned as of yet. I look for his return any time now with great anticipation. Again, only one has asked me of his absence. Again, it was the knight-warrior. It certainly leaves one to wonder…
-
I await his return with great anticipation as the time grows nearer, though I find a sense of dread mingled with my excitement. I have much to speak to him of and I pray that he also has much to tell me. I have missed him a great deal and though everything inside of me is as a little child awaiting their birthday, a sense of uncertainty and perhaps even fear lingers as well. I do not know what he may have been told or shown by Mielikki. From everything I have read on her, I find no reason she would not approve of me given my love of the forest and its occupants. Still, it is there, that dark whisper in the shadows telling me as if warning me that She will not bless our love.
I have spent much time since his departure in prayer and communion with Torm. Though I have sought His wishes in this matter diligently, He speaks not of them to me. I have received no answer, heard nothing, seen nothing in this regard. I wonder if His silence means He approves…or disapproves? Or perhaps His silence means He is neutral on this issue? Family is second only to faith in His perspective. Perhaps this is all I need to know.
I find it disturbing that the only one who has asked me of his absence is the knight-warrior. Not one other has spoken to me of it.
I have again met the older sailor, the one who donated 100 gold to the Temple. If I am to take him at his word, he is the captain of the Sails, which I overheard as he spoke to the supposed evil caster. They do not seem to hide their affairs and they spoke openly of new recruits that had apparently applied to join. This man is rather, hmm, different. While I do not claim to know his heart, I do know that he holds no respect at all for Torm. He seems to be a fair warrior, at least against the hobgoblins on the path from Peltarch to Jiyyd. He strikes me as one who is quite opinionated and perhaps even obnoxious with it at times. I do not feel at ease trusting him as I do the caster. He is pleasant enough in conversation and freely offered his knowledge of the swamps near Jiyyd when I asked him. He warned of the trolls there that can easily “fry” one into their armor with their magics. He even stated he would be glad to escort me there so that I might learn of the area but something tells me not to trust this one too far. I cannot pinpoint it, but there is something there. I will speak with the knight-warrior and ask what his thoughts were and I will watch and learn for now.
On the trip from Peltarch to Jiyyd, I noted this man’s comment when in jest, the supposed evil caster stated to me he wished another reward and I responded telling him perhaps the other sailor would give him one. The captain responded that his kind did not give rewards, they do what they do out of the goodness of their hearts or some such thing. I was a bit taken aback as twas merely in jest that the caster and I spoke. The caster called him old an grumpy in Jiyyd. Perhaps this is the case as I do not find much of a sense of humor in this man.
The knight-warrior attempted to locate the residence of the other Tyrran we met the other eve in Jiyyd. Naturally, the guards would not give him this information, even though he merely wishes to drop off a letter to the man. I hope that he can make contact with this man as I believe it will give him a great sense of stability in his endeavors. While I know the Tyrran faith fairly well, it is not the faith I follow.
I will close for now and await the morrow when my love returns to me, in prayer that all will be well with him.
-
While sitting near the fire outside the Inn in Jiyyd, the knight-warrior and I had the pleasure of meeting one who is in service to Tyr. He appears to be part orcish in descent and claims to have met Tyr Himself. Quite large in stature and quite boisterous in voice.
He told us both the tale of how he met Tyr and the battles that ensued aft this meeting. Another stood here to the fire, an illusionist, casting illusions that animated his story as he told it. It was quite fascinating indeed and the knight-warrior was quite taken with both this man and his story. Perhaps I find another for him to seek counsel with?
In watching and listening to his interactions with others, it would seem that he is also involved in the politics or militia or perhaps both, of Jiyyd. He is friendly and seems intelligent enough to accomplish this. Upon learning the knight-warrior is also a follower of Tyr, he seemed quite pleased and wished to meet with him concerning matters of interest to them both. I was more than a bit stunned when the knight-warrior, rather than simply accepting, asked the large man if I might go along with them. I certainly do not mind attending and will do all that I can to aid those who follow Tyr, though I do not understand why the knight-warrior would do such. He has an opportunity to learn from one of his own faith, one who seems quite accomplished. I will encourage him to take it.
On a more comical note, the supposed evil caster escorted the knight-warrior and I back to Jiyyd… again. Upon our arrival, he asked me if he would get a reward. I asked of him what he wished. He stated he wished a kiss and pointed to his cheek. Although I already knew him to be joking when he first asked of the reward, I had to laugh at the reward he sought and I granted it, kissing him on the cheek. I should have known he was being feisty. He immediately stated, “I am going to tell the one you love!” though he used his name. “Only if I do not tell him first,” I quipped and laughed. I have found this one’s girlfriend? Lover? Wife? To be quite pleasant to speak with as well. She is also quite a wonderful performer! I believe the most comical part of this was when the knight-warrior walked up and saw me kissing the caster’s cheek. He had missed the conversation previous to this action and his expression showed his confusion and surprise.
Why do people in these lands wish to pay me for a gift Torm has given me freely? I have met another man, older and definitely possessing a pirate’s mannerisms right down to his speech. He was badly injured and leaving a trail of blood as he stammered into the gates of Jiyyd. I stopped him and asked if I might assist him. He agreed. Aft I had healed his wounds, he handed me a pouch of gold, quite heavy. He stated that he wished me to donate it to whatever faith I followed. I agreed, only because it will be donated to the Temple in Peltarch. Much later, as time allowed, I counted the gold and was shocked to find 100 gold in the pouch. Yet another man wandered in Jiyyd injured, though this one asked for healing and stated he would pay for it. I did grant him Torm’s blessing of healing though I did not wish his gold. Still, he left a pouch of gold lying on the ground, payment for the healing. It was given to an old man whose robe and cloak were ragged and torn and whose boots badly needed replaced.
The one I love has been gone now for a few days and I miss him…. Greatly. I pray that Mielikki will speak to him and guide him so that he may continue on his path. I pray that She keeps him safe and that if She reveals to him that I am not his path, we both will be able to accept this. He told me once that Mielikki has given him his life to live as he sees fit, though I have to wonder how pleased She is at the amount of time he spends in a stone city. I am bound to this city by the Temple within it. He is bound to it only because I am here. I seek a way to ensure that both of us can do as we are expected and still remain close to each other. This will not be easy…but it will be worth it.
-
He seeks my counsel… or does he?
The warrior-knight has come to me more than once now asking for my counsel in matters of concern to him. He claims that he, like me, cannot find a hierarchy in the Temple of the Triad, nor a Priest of Tyr that he can turn to for such matters. He further claims that he feels a trust with me, thus he trusts my advice. While all of this is likely true, I do not believe these to be the only reasons that he turns to me.
After long hours and the days spent with him talking, it has been revealed that he feels a growing affection for me. Is this affection what drives him to seek my counsel? A reason or excuse to be with me? He knows I love another and that this love is returned to me. Much begins to make sense to me now.
We have spoken at great length of his past and though I will not divulge it here for the same reasons I do not write names, I will state that his past, or at least what he claims his past to be, seems more like a fairytale than anything else. He is here for a specific purpose and he claims he will find what he seeks here. What does he truly seek?
Tis quite an odd sensation to know that I hold the affections of two men. I find him very handsome and somewhat charming, if not a bit rough around the edges. His company is pleasant enough and his boyish smile and the way his features turn crimson red at times is quite comical. I asked of him why me when there are other more beautiful maidens in these lands who are free to pursue a relationship? I am not certain twas an answer, though he stated that he could not tell me why, twas his heart speaking.
Each time this topic has arisen in conversation, I have made certain to again inform him that I am not available for him to pursue. He seems to understand this, at least in words and his last response was merely, “I know m’lady and it saddens me greatly.”
If indeed he is a knight as he claims, he will follow a code of chivalry and this code should, by all rights, stop him from pursuing a lady who is spoken for. Time will tell.
-
I find that I wake much more refreshed and well rested when I have spent the night in Jiyyd….or near it.
This morn aft morning prayers and a small breakfast, I went to tend to the warrior-knight. In our travels through the plains yesterday, he had contracted a disease from a bite and was feeling poorly. The man in general ill health had given him some herbs to help him feel better and he seemed to be feeling much feeling. I noted that upon the arrival of the man I am seeing and our greetings to each other, the warrior-knight’s symptoms seemed to have worsened when I checked on him again. His coloring had gone pale and his overall stature showed he did not feel well. I sent him to the Inn to rest with instructions to finish the herbs and drink a lot of water to help flush his system more quickly. I know the herbs given to him were appropriate so the backset he had taken puzzled me. The caster, the one so many claim evil, was standing nearby and he commented on the warrior-knight’s condition, stating, “He is some sort of sick alright.” This led me to believe that perhaps there are diseases and such in these lands that I am unaware of. I made of note of this incase in the future I need to ask him of it.
This morn found the warrior-knight in good health and good spirits, though he claimed he had been spending much time relieving himself. No surprise, given the amount of water I had him drink.
We spoke for awhile and I told him that I wished to go back to the plains and gather some information on what the animals are suffering with. He wished to go with me and we set off.
Again we were attacked by men with no call to attack us and again, they were slain. Again, we encountered the very large bugs that still give me the shivers. When we came to the plains, I wandered about slowly, killing only those animals who attacked. I advised the warrior-knight to do the same as there no reason to kill the others. I have gathered feathers, a patch of pelt from a wild dog and a patch of pelt from a large wild cat. I hope to find someone… somewhere…. Who can help me identify what it is that these animals suffer from.
As we looked about for a possible cause, we noted an orc. He seemed to be alone and wandering rather aimlessly but I advised the warrior-knight to leave him be. Upon our return journey, we located several slain soldier’s remains, men that died to protect their families and all in Jiyyd. I prayed at the site and with each we found, we looked for some form of identification. Oddly, we found nothing to identify these men at all, only a few gold pieces on their bodies. I wish to find someone in Jiyyd who can advise me if there is a fund set up for the families of the fallen soldiers as tis only right that this gold go back to them. If there is not, I shall endeavor to find a superior officer, one that would lead the soldiers and ask what to do with this gold.
Returning to Jiyyd, our moods rather somber, we seated ourselves near the fire outside the Inn. There we remained for many long hours simply in conversation. We talked of various things and somehow ended on the topic of fairytales. the word fairytales has been written over a couple of times It was the most odd and rather confusing conversation. It would almost seem as though this man truly believes in fairytales and the way life is lived within them.
He looks at me in a manner that I can not describe at times, as though he has known me forever. Then at other times, he blatantly stares at me without even realizing it and upon catching himself, he stammers and stumbles o’er his words for some time. I have wondered if perhaps I remind him of someone he has known in the past, though from what he has spoke of his past it does not seem likely. Still, tis odd…
-
More is clear to me now though admittedly, there is still much I do not understand. I have spoken at length with the man I see and I know that his behavior is due at least in part to feeling rather lost himself. None the less, we spoke for some time and some of the questions I had he has answered and reassured me that the things I see are not what they seem.
I have encountered the dwarven woman again. She truly is a delight and leaves me chuckling if not laughing each time I see her. We were going to make our way to the fields of Jiyyd though along the path, we learned of a gnome that was searching for items.
We came across a group of others, some I recognized and some I did not. We decided to join them and the things that needed to be gathered were quite an odd combination, yet we set out to find them. Apparently it was some kind of competition the gnome had set up though for reasons unknown to me, it was never able to be finished.A meeting was held by the Legion in Jiyyd. The topic was a recent drow attack… I believe. I attended along with the warrior knight and the man who seems always in ill health though I spent my time there quite confused. There is obviously much that I have missed and need to catch up on in this regard.
Aft the meeting, the three of us made our way to the fields outside of Jiyyd. The woman in Jiyyd had spoken to me of an area they could use help with, scavengers, and I agreed to go. We were attacked by all manner of creatures as well as by men who for no reason saw fit to attempt to take our lives. They were, of course, slain which upset me. It was not their death that upset me, it was that there was no reason for them to die. They gave us no chance to speak with them whatsoever.
Bugs.. I have ne’er seen such huge bugs! Though I was assured that the ones we encountered were the small ones and that the larger ones reside underground. The thought made me shiver.
Animals… It hurt me to see the animals with disease. Wild dogs, birds, large cats and the like, none of which seemed in their right minds. I must return and learn what I can about what plagues them. Perhaps if I can find the source further infestation might be stopped.
The man who seems in ill health contracted a disease from a swarm of flying bugs. His physical strength was sapped badly and his health seemed to dwindle quickly. We were on our way back to see to his condition properly when the man I see arrived, seemingly escorted by several others. I was surprised… no, shocked to see him. It has been only a day since his most recent death and I thought he would be resting. He should have been. I was both happy and sad to see him, an odd mixture. Although I love being with him, I wish him to take better care of himself so that I might be with him for some time in the future.
Gnomes and hin… there seems to be an abundance of these in the lands, especially near Jiyyd. We encountered one who thought it quite funny to make me invisible. I thought it a rather cute joke though the one I see did not. His voice rang out with a forboding sense of something, perhaps fear? “Celestria! By the hells, tell me you are only invisible and not vanished!?” He soon learned I was not vanished as I snuck around behind him and stated, “BOO!” He did not seem to appreciate this much either. I am uncertain as to why this upset him so.
As we spoke together, the same one came by again and picked up the large greatsword that my love has been attempting to learn in battle. The little man simply walked off with it, chuckling all the while. It was retrieved and further conversation ensued, though I did not hear all of it as I was further down the path speaking with a man who wore the colors of the Sails…. Only the second I have seen thus far.
Jiyyd is beautiful and warmer than Peltarch, much more open as well but I must be near the temple. The temple here is a Helmite temple and although Torm has a relationship of sorts with Helm, I have found Helm’s clergy to be less than friendly with those who follow Torm. I will remain in Peltarch for now though my heart’s fondest wish is to be in the forest. Perhaps Torm will one day allow it.
-
A single candle is lit, the flame casting shadows all about her, shadows that seem to close in on her and distract her from the journal before her. Sitting at the small desk, no idea of how much time has passed, she struggles to put into words her feelings but each time she begins, tears well in her eyes threatening to break their dam. Despite her best efforts, some have fallen onto the page and left their mark as a remembrance of this pain. Through the veil of tears she glances to him sleeping, distorted, silent and still save for his breathing, breathing that only hours ago had ceased. Turning back to the journal in another attempt, a sigh leaves her, one holding every emotion overwhelming her and blockading her ability to express them. Although far from her normal detailed writings, her ramblings here are much clearer than the previous entry.
Torm help me. I feel as though I am falling, falling into the depths of … something, somewhere.. the past…
Watching him die, falling to the forest floor, a lifeless pile of bone and blood and burned flesh… the past, it comes for me to the present…
Lightening took him, shuddering, shaking, convulsing, bleeding, involuntary noises, the stench of burning flesh, it replays in my mind, over and again…
I remember, too clearly, falling, falling as he did, unable to control the convulsing of my body…
I am fighting, fighting to stay, fighting the past, fighting the shadows that threaten to take me into the darkness, back there again…
Losing him, the pain near unbearable, a thousand questions… Why?
Nonchalant, yes, he seemed to care little, as though he had not left me, not died, as though I had not watched it in horror, my heart stopping as his body hit the forest floor…
His gear, his concern, his items, they were his wish…
Truth, I must know, I must find it, to stay, to keep the past away.
My path, help me, show me, somehow… I must find it, must know, can not face this without knowing… Alone, I am alone in this, without You…
Help me, Your call, Your wish… Am I wrong?
Leaving the journal at the desk, she stands at the window staring out at the empty cobblestone paths. Her eyes raise to the heavens heavy with the weight of pain and tears, her voice broken in whispered request, “Help me. Please.”
-
DEATH.. the word is scrawled in black ink on the page taking up its entire width and written over and over again, the penmanship shaky and uneven. It is also underlined, apparently to give emphasis. The following entry is written in the customary blue ink
HIS death.
Fear… grasping me… holding me…
Shadows…. slipping into my mind… laughing at me… taunting me…
Blind… fading to black…. unable to see…
Aching… hard to breath… labored…
Empty… lifeless… a gaping chasm…
Hollow… only shadows…. absence of light…
Pain… gripping me… squeezing the very breath from me…
Visions… lightening.. falling… dying…
Tears… burning… stinging… biting…
There is a pool of ink at the end of this section leaving the reader to believe that the quill was left lying there for some time
-
I am beginning to see things that either I had not seen afore, or perhaps were not present afore. I am uncertain as to which it is but I shall continue to watch… closely.
A woman appeared in the common area today. I noted that she was unable to move well and seemed to seat herself in a very slow and somewhat painful fashion. I further noted that I had not seen her afore. As is customary for me, I asked if she was alright. Amidst the ongoing sexual innuendo at the time from those present, she perhaps did not hear me so I approached and asked yet again if she was alright.
She was difficult to understand at best and spoke of needing herbs to help the sick in the city. She spoke of moving too slow to gather them herself and told of the herbs being a great distance from Peltarch, somewhere to the south.
Before I could get a response as to whether she was alright or not, the man I see was there with a vigor unlike even him. He literally ignored the conversation I had begun with the woman and completely took it over, his words nearly drenched in honey at times. More than a bit surprised by his actions, I stood silently and let him have the conversation, listening intently and gauging his body language and facial features. He was certainly more interested in this woman for some reason than he had been in me when she arrived.
Before she had arrived, I had attempted to speak with him about my concern for the warrior in hopes he might have some ideas for fun things that I might pass on. Oddly, his only interest in the subject lied with his own behavior as he had come into the Temple during our conversation and was concerned that he had not done the ‘right thing’ by leaving upon seeing I was in counsel. Once he learned that his leaving was the right choice, he held no further interest in my findings. For the first time, I was left feeling as though what I had to say meant little to nothing to him. He was more interested in the two women, apparently married to each other, and their ongoing sexual innuendo.
I considered this for some time and wondered if that was the type of behavior he wished his partner to display as he seemed to be drawn to it somehow. I joined the conversation and being of quick wit, was able to retort a few times though it was certainly not my preference, neither was I comfortable in doing so. Aside from his occasional glance to me in surprise or the wagging of his finger at me in response to a comment I had made, his focus was still on the two women, leaving me to believe that I am just as well off being myself. I shall do so hence forth as this experience revealed that there is more to his attentions… as suspected.
As he spoke to the woman requiring the herbs, he seemed overly eager to set out on this journey. It was as though he had already made up his mind to go afore knowing anything about it. But why? He has previously mentioned the need to find paying work to me and I had openly asked if he was in need of gold to which he responded that he was not. He merely wished to accomplish “some things” that would require gold. I wondered if perhaps he was overly enthusiastic in hopes payment would be involved, though I hoped truly that was not the reason. I have ne’er been one to hold worldly possessions in high esteem and if this IS his focus, there will surely be a clash between us.
His mind made up to go, he turned to the warrior woman and asked for her to go along. First. It was she he wished first, just as it was she and her lover who held his attentions in the previous conversations, just as it was she he whispered to in the corner of the Arms shop. She seems in every aspect of his life, to include his private life. Even that is not mine alone as rightly it should be.
I begin to wonder if perhaps I am his second choice. Perhaps his first affections belong to her as well, though as she is supposedly married, that would place her off limits to any man with any good moral code at all.
Watch, wait, listen and be patient. The signs I am beginning to see may be a warning that I am taking the wrong path.
-
After finally locating the library and spending much time there reading of Peltarch’s history, I have learned that my suspicions were correct. The values that the Fisher King wished this city to stand for have all but fallen, to include the very guild he created before relinquishing his title as King. I shall continue to study this in light of the divinations that keep appearing in the common area. Perhaps someone… or something… is attempting to tell the city it is no longer standing for the principles it was originally founded on.
I have again encountered the warrior who claims to be a Knight. While in the library studying the history of Peltarch, he arrived. Apparently I was correct in thinking he had merely buried himself in books. What a waste. Conversation was shared, though because of being in the library, we left and went to the Temple instead in order to speak.
After learning his purpose in coming here… or at least the purpose he wished to reveal to me, I find myself concerned about him. He is young and extremely pleasant on the eye yet I wonder if he has any personality at all. His purpose seems to completely encompass him, leaving no time nor thought to other focuses. We talked at length of the dangers in allowing a single purpose to take over one’s whole life. We also spoke of justice versus revenge and how one can easily become overshadowed by the other. His expression gave way to my suspicions. He had ne’er considered what I spoke afore. He was open to what I shared with him and what little advice I was able to give him and he seemed to truly understand.
On a personal note, I learned of his love of the forest which greatly surprised me. He is certainly a warrior by nature and one who becomes so engrossed in law that he must, at times, go cross eyed studying them. I stated he was an odd combination indeed, a warrior tree hugger. He took this well humored and retorted in kind. He is somewhat of a puzzle to me, one that leaves me a bit uneasy in his presence yet I will do what I can to help guide him in his faith and the actions he pursues based on it.
Twice I noted him staring at me though I do not believe he realized I saw it. His gaze left me uncertain of whether to feel flattered or nervous… the dots on the page might indicate the writer was left in thought of the last statement penned
After leaving the Temple and upon realizing the day was sunny, I traveled west to check on the kobolds again for the dwarven woman. Though it is her wish to see the cave cleared, my primary concern was how close they had gotten to the large wooden gate only a short distance from the city. On this trip, I found only 3 that were close to the gate. After slaying them, I returned to the city feeling more reassured that perhaps they had retreated back towards their cave.
-
I have again met the dwarven woman with the pigtails. She is quite a rare find in these lands, simply in mind, non-judgmental and comical beyond belief at times though she does not try to be.
When last I encountered her, she had offered Sir Andrew and I a job cleaning out a cave nearby to Peltarch. We have long sense accomplished the goal and simply awaited her approval of the task completed. I explained to her that although we had indeed cleaned out the cave, the kobolds seem to reappear from nowhere, perhaps coming from crevices in the walls. She was aware of this and she and I went together to clean it out yet again.
She has an avid love of chocolate and each time I have encountered her, she has a bag full of it snacking on it near constantly. She is a follower of Chauntea I believe, a Goddess I know little of other than She is one of the nature Goddesses. She is pleasant enough company and although rather oblivious, very helpful in her mannerisms. It was not until this trip back to the cave with her that I learned she plans on opening some sort of tavern in the cave. Tis why she wishes it cleaned out. She paid me for my previous efforts afore we set out to the cave. Upon leaving the cave, we noted a tree that was glowing with what seemed some type of magical energy. She was completely enthralled and I needed to get back to Peltarch, so we parted ways saying our farewells.
The warrior who claims to be a Knight… I have not seen him in quite some time. The last I saw him was when I spoke to Sir Shannon in the common area. He seems well enough versed in battle, yet still I hope he has not wandered off and run into some creature he was not prepared to battle. Perhaps he has merely buried his nose in books, studying the laws of Peltarch… though being a professed follower of Tyr, I would think he would be in the Temple on occasion to offer his prayers. I will continue to observe this one as I still believe he could be a scout from my home land.
Nor have I seen the man who seems to be in ill health. I believe he stays oft at the gypsy camp, a place I will not be seeing. I find his lack of knowledge in regards to relationships between men and women… hmm, unsettling. He has obviously spent much time in the civilized world and for one to know nothing at all about this topic would be near impossible aft spending time in civilization. Mere observance would make one wonder I would think. None the less, I hope he is well and no ill has befallen him.
I must be doing what I am here to do. Torm has seen fit to grace me with magical wards and healing abilities that I did not possess prior to my arrival here. Although I struggle with the chants regularly, I strive to learn them perfectly so that when they are truly needed, I can use this power without err. This journey of learning would be so much less a struggle if there was a hierarchy within the church that I could turn to. There seems not to be one and I have not seen Sir Shannon again since the first time I met him. I know I am here for a reason, other than what I seek on a personal level. I will remain patient and await for Torm to reveal this reason to me.
-
What a beautiful morning. As is customary, I rose before the sun to tend to my morning prayers. Upon finishing, I made my way to the common area to sit down and read. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and for once, it was not raining! “What could possibly be better?” I whispered to myself. Truly was more a rhetorical question, though it was answered by the one I see arriving. Twas wonderful to see him smile so bright, his cheerful demeanor, his playfulness return. He seems much more confident than he has the past few times I had seen him.
He sat with me and we talked a bit, silly banter back and forth that lightens my heart and my mind from the ongoing challenges and worries faced each day. In a playful match, we ended up with the bench tipping over backwards, me lying on my back and him holding himself over me as he had nearly fallen atop me. I still laugh to see the position he wound up in and I am certain that those who approached had to laugh as well. It was a lovely morning filled with laugher and smiles until others began arriving.
At first twas fine. The woman, the warrior I spoke of earlier who follows Lady Luck arrived along with the man she seems to travel with a lot, a caster I believe. Talk of weaponry ensued and I learned a bit about fighting undead by listening. Then the man I have spoken of here arrived. He is a caster of the arcane and a member of a group known as the Sails. He greeted each respectfully but was met with immediate chastising by the others. It took them no time at all to begin listing all of his wrong doings and to begin stating openly what an evil person he is.
I grow so tired of this. I wonder what they hope to accomplish with their constant blabber and judgments? All they accomplished was ruining a perfectly wonderful morning in order to appease their own sense of… something, perhaps self righteousness? They have no proof whatsoever that the man harbors evil in his heart yet they relentlessly attack him, openly degrading him with each opportunity that arises. Truly, what does this accomplish? What are they TRYING to accomplish? Do they feel a need to do so simply based on some sort of distorted principle? Throughout history, it will well known that such actions never changed anything yet they persist and insist to the point of attempting to sway others to do the same. Why?! If the man does harbor evil in his heart, would it not make more sense to simply shun him? Would it not make more sense to simply walk away from him? Would it not make more sense to use their heads for once instead of their mouths? What does their constant confrontation accomplish? In all the times I have seen him treated so, ne’er once has he retorted in a manner that has shown evil intent, yet THEIR actions are questionable. Do they hope to sway him to good by showing him exactly how to treat someone badly? Does it not stand as fact that people follow an example far sooner than they follow words? Even the Magistrate himself subscribes to the knowledge that being an example, via actions rather than words, is a high testimony of one’s beliefs.
Admittedly, I do not know this man’s heart therefore, I cannot say that he is NOT of evil intent. I can say though, without compromise, that in all the time I have spent with him, he has willingly saved my life more than once, offered to help me in various ways and stood disappointed with himself when in battle he could not arrive soon enough to keep me from injury. He has ne’er asked anything in return for his help. Yes, perhaps he holds himself in much higher regard than others but is that not a trait we all possess to some extent and must battle regularly with to change? Yes, he is a member of an organization that is seen as holding evil intent but does that make all of their members evil? I have ne’er subscribed to the “guilty by association” belief. Had I done so, I would have had to judge my own Father as being a wicked man based on his associations, yet his associations were present simply because of the business he ran. This caster states that the Sails offered him regular work. I wonder how many of these who stand in open judgment of him did the same? Did they give him a chance to work for THEIR purpose and beliefs? Given what I have seen, I truly doubt it.
For now, I shall keep my findings to myself save for sharing them with the man I see. For now, I shall simply watch, listen and learn in hopes of finding the true intent of those who persecute this man, as well as his true intent. Torm grant me the wisdom to find the truth and use it as you would have me do.
-
All is well again though still I do not know what happened.
The woman came into Torm’s sanctuary at the temple, seemingly to apologize for her behavior yet e’en aft I told her tis my own personal affairs, she continued to ask me what was on my mind. When I chose to leave the temple to go find him rather than disclosing anything else of a personal nature to her, she stated that I was colder than Sir Shannon himself. With no care for what she thought of me at the moment and the need to speak with him alone building, I simply stated that I probably was colder at the moment. She continued on about how Sir Shannon had spent a year in the Abyss to which I responded, “So I have heard.” I wonder why she believes that divulging others’ personal information is perfectly alright? I further wonder if Sir Shannon himself would wish me to know such. Tis not the first time I have heard her state this, though I shall not be the one to further this as common knowledge. Tis his to divulge should he so choose.
I walked to the common area with her behind me but he was not there. When I turned to go, he rounded the corner and stated he had been looking for me. His eyes showed a bit of hesitance in speaking with me, perhaps he merely knew not what to say or where to begin. I asked him if I could speak with him alone, in private, to which he stated, “Yes, anything you wish.” The woman spoke then saying, “Ah, I will see you two later.” We stated good day to her and left for the Inn where we chose a private gathering room to speak.
It was the most confusing conversation I believe I have e’er had in my life to begin with. Things were stated that made no sense, then the retorts seemed not to fit the original statement at all. Finally, I told him how I had seen perfectly good relationships ruined by so called do-gooders who would not keep out of others’ affairs. I asked him if this is what he wished for us, to which he stated a resounding no. We talked briefly of her interference and assumptions of us and he explained that she was merely trying to help him. Am I so difficult to speak with that he has to have someone help him? Someone to talk to me FOR him? I think not. The woman has stated on more than occasion that she is a reason another couple is together and that they would not state their feelings for each other until she stepped in. So, it would seem that she believes because of this, that every couple will be the same? I am far from incapable of speaking my mind as is he, though he sometimes lacks the words to speak it but we have done perfectly fine on our own.
Our conversation turned to him feeling as though he is taking time from my duties and somehow standing in the way of the progress I came here to make. We talked at length of this and have come to an understanding.
The last topic discussed was the most difficult I believe I have e’er spoke of with anyone.
Love…. What is it?
He has spoken his love for me while down on one knee afore me. We talked of my home and of the arranged engagement that I left to serve Torm. We talked of how love played no role in marriages where I came from and how I knew not what it was between a man and a woman. I asked for his help that I might put a definition to love or at least have a strong idea of what it MIGHT be. He was not entirely certain himself of what love is, though he believes that what he feels is love. He spoke of being willing to fight through enemies to have merely a moment with me. He spoke of his thoughts being filled with me day and night. He spoke of fighting death itself if he had to, in order to be with me again. While his examples were that of a man, I began to see a parallel in some of the things I have felt. He explained honestly that he could not be certain this was love, but he truly believed it to be. He stated that he has ne’er afore felt this for anyone, nor has he e’er stated the words, “I love you” to anyone afore. He also stated that he does not intend to speak them to anyone else e’er again. I am uncertain what exactly he meant by that.
I cannot deny the bond that lies between us. I cannot deny what I feel when I am with him and what I feel when I am not. I cannot deny that having trouble rise up between us caused a piercing pain in my heart. If his definition of love is correct and based on my own feelings, then it would make sense that I love him as well. He spoke of wishing to have me always. This sent a literal shiver through me as my life is not my own. I explained to him that I cannot promise him forever. Should Torm call me, I must… and I will go. He seemed to understand and spoke the same of Mielikki should she call him. He wished my agreement that nothing other than the respective Gods that we serve would come before each other. This I can agree to knowing that he understands my duties and will not stand in the way of them.
Our darkest and most shameful secrets were revealed to each other during the conversation. Tears were shed, fears were evident and guilt was heavy in the room, yet no matter how dark the secret or how shameful, they were met with understanding and hope. It frightens me to think of how much he knows of me. Perhaps frightens is not the right word though it leaves me open and vulnerable as I have ne’er been afore. I am certain that he feels the same.
Spoken words came to an end as the early morning bustle began in the Inn. He was so close to me, so close I could feel his breath against my face, so close that he needed barely whisper for me to hear him yet nothing was whispered. Instead, he moved just a bit forward and kissed me so softly, so gently, so lovingly. It was a kiss filled with promises, filled with loyalty and filled with sheer honesty. More than all of his words put together, his first kiss revealed his heart to me completely.
-
This journal page is uneven, dotted by what would appear to be swellings in the parchment from small water drops. The blue ink has run in places indicating further that some form of liquid reached the page. The script, although the same as the previous entries, is shaky
Something has gone terribly wrong.
Upon meeting the young man I see in the common area, he asked of me to help him choose a weapon that would be suitable for battling undead. All was well to my knowledge, or at least it seemed to be. His smile upon my arrival was as bright as normal and although I do not believe he realized it, he held onto my hands until we departed the common area, even though many were present at the time.
We traveled to the arms shop in Peltarch and began speaking of what type of weapon he should use. He tried various ones yet seemed certain that he needed a blunt weapon for his purpose. At one point, he asked of me what I thought, or at least I believe it was me he was asking. He stated, “What do you think de…” he paused and then changed it to my name. I do not know what the De was, though perhaps it was the name of a prior lady he was involved with? I asked of him, “De?” but he did not answer and I did not push him. As we stood discussing the weapons, I had removed a piece of my leg armor as the strapping has been giving me a lot of trouble, biting into my thigh when I moved and cutting off the blood flow to my leg. When he noted that I was rubbing my thigh, he asked of me what was wrong. I told him twas a piece of leg armor and the strapping giving me trouble. He as much as stated that I was lying to him and lowered to his knees to be in direct view of my thigh. Such things he does often and innocently without thought of others present and I can only imagine what the weapons vendor must have been thinking.
At this moment, the woman who offered to train me in hand to hand combat arrived at the shop. As if this was not bad enough in appearance, her comment made it much worse.
“I will pay for a room if you two cannot afford one.”
She spoke as though her words should be taken as common practice, yet I found them extremely offensive and assuming of her. My retort to her was meant to be curt and to let her know that her ‘help’ was not needed, neither was her brash chiding wanted. I simply stated to her, “I have a room, thank you.” Obviously she is not good at taking hints for her following comment stripped me of any sense of privacy I had left, leaving me to feel as though I might as well be completely naked afore all present. It was most improper and uncalled for.
“Then I hope the bed is big enough for both of you.”
She smirked upon saying this as though she was quite pleased with herself. I was simply stunned, nay, shocked that a woman would be so brash in public and make such assumptions of others which were CLEARY not her concern. This is not the first time she has done so, though at least the last time, the only ones present were the three of us. That was bad enough. One glance to him told me that he was as shocked and embarrassed as I was. His reply was surely meant to let her know that her assumption was wrong, yet the words he spoke left me feeling as though I wished I could crawl completely inside my armor and hide there. “It is. It is QUITE roomy. There is A LOT of space between us!” he answered.
Granted, he has shared the bed in my room with me on occasion when we spoke into the night and he was far too tired to make the journey back to Jiyyd. He has never been anything but a gentleman. By the Gods, he has never even kissed me!!
Whispering ensued between the two of them and I decided to slip from the room not only to give them space, but also to regain my own composure. I went upstairs to Vanity Plates and pretended to peruse there for several moments before returning downstairs. Upon my return, they were still whispering so I simply stood there until addressed by him. He was clad in so much weaponry that it took me back, a vision of my Uncle before he set off to fight in defense of my homelands…. Never to return.
He wished to know if I felt his speed in changing weapons and strapping on his shield was sufficient. As I watched him, my mind traveled back to the lessons I saw given to the young men in my homelands, the ones who chose to train as warriors. I told him I suppose tis sufficient and he again began whispering with her, though he seemed suddenly uncomfortable. A moment later, the woman asked if he needed a drink to calm himself. He replied he needed only some fresh air as the room was quite “hot”. Twas not hot in the least and his sudden exit left me feeling as though there was something I had done wrong. The woman spoke and stated in a round about way that I was the reason for him acting as such. She made no sense whatsoever, none and no matter what questions I asked in attempt to clarify, she confused me even further. I told her I would like to know what had taken place and what she thought was wrong with him, as none of it made sense at all. Leaving my question unanswered, she simply headed to the door and asked if I was coming. I followed reluctantly aft being left out of the majority of the conversations and having no idea what it was she was accusing me of.
Upon exiting the shop, he was sitting on the ground leaning up against a crate. He greeted us and when I looked to her, she tossed her head in his direction as if to tell me something yet it told me nothing. He stated her name in a rather stern manner and asked to speak with her. More whispering. Obviously I was not wished within their conversations, yet tis perfectly alright for her to make assumptions and comments about our affairs. Confused and upset, I excused myself stating I would be in the Temple.
I knelt in prayer, in confusion and baffled at the tears that fell from my eyes. I understand nothing of what has happened, neither do I understand being so blatantly left out of it. The one place I feel safe now, in the small room with Torm’s statue, I pen this. I know not what has taken place. I know not what it is she accuses me of. I know not why she believes she has the right to butt into our affairs and I know not why these blasted tears will not cease nor why they are present!! Obviously he has told her of something I have done wrong… or perhaps of something I did not do that I should have? All I know is that her interference has caused much turmoil between us and I must stop it.
She must learn that tis not her place to interfere in my personal affairs, neither to make assumptions of my personal life.As for him, if she has not already swayed him too far, perhaps he can explain to me what has taken place. I will seek him out and hope that he will do so.
Torm, why does this pain me so?
-
Aspiring… several dots of blue ink follow the word as though the writer was in thought
Is this what I am? I fail to see how a chosen of Torm can be an “Aspiring Tormtal”, yet tis how the Magistrate identified me to another in the common area. One who aspires to accomplish something. Perhaps in this definition it does describe me but it is not my own goals that I am here to accomplish. Were I chasing my own goals, it would certainly not be within the walls of this stuffy, stone city. Were I chasing my own goals, it would certainly not include standing in the common area and being publicly humiliated by the very one I admired so. Were I chasing my own goals, it would most assuredly not include leaving my home and traveling for two years to a land such as this in order to learn from those who know, as I was instructed to do, merely to meet with denial and being treated as though I am not worthy to walk the same cobblestone. Torm found me worthy to call into His service, therefore my worth is not for humans to judge. I must wonder, how can one aspire to be something they already are?
Surely there must be others here who have been chosen and because of it, given up their own goals and lives? I did not choose this life yet I live it because tis what Torm wishes of me, what He requires of me.
Aspiring Tormtal… no dear Magistrate, I think not. I am already a Tormtal by His wish and by His gifts.
I have been reading the history of Peltarch as time allow. I find it fascinating to learn how the city became what it is. Apparently much of it is the doing of the one I saw in the divination, the Fisher King. He was pronounced King of Peltarch yet he relinquished it after setting up a form of government for the city. In watching, listening and learning from the people here and in studying the laws of Peltarch, I must wonder if it still stands for what he meant it to stand for.
The young half-elf I have been seeing was not in good spirits this day. Apparently he was hired with a group of people to find a missing ship, which they did however, they also found legions of undead and even a necromancer. As he described the incident and what happened, I could identify feelings of uselessness and helplessness in his words. He was haggard and worn in appearance, still brandishing the blood stains from wounds that had been healed. He spoke of being unable to help his friend yet of knowing she did not need his help. He spoke of his blade slipping between the bones of the undead and of his arrows missing them. He seemed quite distraught at his own inability to battle the undead. As he spoke, there seemed to be an underlying element he was not telling me. I have ne’er seen him in such a state and though I wished desperately to be able to raise his spirits, I do not believe I did so. As conservation continued, it occurred to me what the underlying element may be. Perhaps I should have kept my thoughts to myself, though I wish not to keep things from him. It has not been the nature of our relationship to do so and I did not wish to begin such now so I asked him of it. Although his response seemed cold and curt at first, he showed it was not with the small smile and his furthered words of agreement. He was concerned, even worried that he would not be able to keep me safe should he need to. He spoke of finding himself wishing to keep me safe more than anything in the world. I begin to see the depth of the feelings he holds for me. Surprisingly, they are much deeper than I had realized.
The woman he spoke of approached later on. She was unscathed in appearance and although thoughtful, seemed in good health. She spoke of a blade she found in the Tower and of how the necromancer wished her to return it to him. She refused to do so and stated that she would give the blade to either the Magistrate or to a caster whom I have had limited dealings with. I found her conversation difficult to follow, though I did understand that she hopes she did the right thing. By this I can only assume she meant in keeping the blade. Perhaps some knowledge can be garnered from it that will help in the battle against the undead. She is the same woman who has offered to help me learn hand to hand combat, making the offer yet again directly to the Magistrate as I spoke to him. I have asked her if her offer still stands and upon her affirmative response, I have stated that I wish to learn from her. The young man I see trusts her implicitly and I have heard things of her ability in battle that concur with his words of her talent. I shall do all that I can to learn from her so that one day, I may take up the fight against the undead as well, in the name of Torm.
-
Though the script is the same as the previous two entries, this entry of penned in blue ink rather than in black
Several days have passed since I last wrote here. Much has happened and I have met many new people since my last entry.
A paladin of Torm, a woman, one who is strong in stature and as most paladins I have met, quite zealous. She and I have talked quite a bit and she has invited me to join an order in the city called the Order of the Divine Shield. I have not declined the invitation, though I have stated to her that I wish to travel with the members and learn of what they do and how they operate afore making a decision. She has stated that the Order would be watching me and gauging if I am fit to be a member. I intend to gauge them and ensure they are fit to have me. I have seen such orders go terribly wrong when their members become arrogant and begin acting as judge and jury, persecuting people for no more reason than their appearance.
A half-elf arcane caster, one who is pleasing to the eye as well as friendly and very helpful. I have been warned that he has a black heart, yet each of his actions in my presence have been helpful and lacking in selfishness. He has asked nothing in return for his help, ne’er once. I shall be wary as I have been warned to be and I shall be ever watchful, yet I shall not judge nor condemn a man on the words of those who can offer me no proof of their findings when his very actions have shown no evil at all. I have spoken with the young half-elf with whom I spend much time on this matter. He has advised me that this caster carried his corpse to the city and paid for his resurrection, never even asking for what it cost him to do so in return. Indeed, I shall continue to watch and learn.
A woman, a trickster of sorts who is well versed in the use of a blade. She has offered to teach me the ways of hand to hand combat and I believe I shall take her up on the offer. She seems a good person, though she follows no God other than Lady Luck.
A man, quiet in nature yet ever helpful. He seems to know the gypsies well though I am uncertain as to why. His health is not good, though he claims tis good as long as he is breathing. An oddity as divine healing hurts him yet he is not undead. I have traveled with him many times and still know little about him other than he was not raised by his parents and he knows nothing of the relationship between men and women which I find odd, him being an adult and having interactions with both regularly from what I have seen.
A man, a warrior, though he calls himself a holy warrior, he possesses not the abilities of the paladins I know. A gentleman it would seem, yet something is simply not right. Tis as though a piece is missing, or there is something he is hiding. A muscular man, quite handsome yet I find myself wary in his presence. He claims to be from a land that none I have spoken with have e’er heard of. He claims to be a knight, furthermore, an elite knight to his King. These things along with his intense interest in the law add up to a curious combination. Our first actual discussion did not go well as things were assumed on both sides that led to misconceptions. I wish I knew why I feel so leery in his presence. I shall continue to learn of him and watch him closely as he could still be a scout… the kind I dread the most.
At last I have met the man I have been referred to thrice now. Each time I have asked whom I might learn the ways of Torm and their application from, this man is the one I am advised to seek out. He is a Priest of Torm as well as a city Magistrate so I am certain he is quite busy. I was sorely disappointed in our meeting. My disappointment did not stem from him, but rather from myself. He asked me to recite a part of Torm’s dogma and I did so. Truly, I was pleased that I could state it after studying for only a week’s time. He was not pleased with what I stated, calling it a text book recital… which it was, yet this is the first place I have found any written word or live followers of Torm. How could I do more than recite what I have only recently learned? How am I to know the application of a dogma I am only now finding? He turned and left me without further word. I shall not give up so easily. I shall seek him out again and again as tis what Torm himself has told me to do. If I am to be tested and publically humiliated over and over then so be it. I have not traveled for the past 2 years in search of this to simply let it go upon the first signs of challenge.
Odd things are taking place in Peltarch. They begin with a shriek, piercing sound that escalates to painful levels followed by bright flashes of light and apparitions appearing in the common area. Each time they seem to show a bit of the history of Peltarch. Quite challenging indeed for one so new to the city as I know not who the people in the divinations are. I have taken to reading some of the history of Peltarch in an attempt to learn more of what I am seeing.
The young half-elf and I spend much time together. We speak often and for long hours. He is witty, funny, full of life, charming and a bit silly at times. It seems there are no topics that we cannot discuss and nearly always agree on. He is gaining ground where a solid wall was once in place. I remind myself of why I am here yet I find myself looking forward to seeing him again. Tis odd to know such a lack of control o’er my own being.
I shall be cautious not to allow my purpose here to be shaded by anything. I must retain my focus.Tis strange how our views parallel in so many ways…