3. Aaimie's Journal Rantings

Aaimie's Journal Rantings


  • Soon they say…soon, I’ll see the faces of my unborn children. I feel their tiny feet and young arms as they press outward. I’m having twins I am told. My world is complete. Often, Rick holds me in a familiar embrace gently resting his strong hands against my swollen tummy.

    Rick is loving and delightful, bringing a smile to my face each new day. My heart resonates with contentment as he gazes upon me with his devoted eyes. Daily, he gathers tin and copper ore for me and stores it in Peltarch’s smithy so I can practice my armor skills when I am able. Always attentive, he thinks of my safety and wellbeing.

    Lately, I’ve been exhausted just walking around Jiyyd and I dare not leave town and risk harm to my family. I’ve taken to resting in the Regal Inn frequently writing poems and songs for my children. Eroils and Hawk are the boy names we’ve settled on. I have a feeling they are going to be muscular boys by the way they wrestle inside. I can’t help but to beam as I sing them songs. Poems on the other hand, have caused me some difficulty. I swear the boys sap all my thoughts from me at times. Rick looks at me fondly regardless of how peculiar I become…staring blankly at the wall or as I go through my mood of grouchiness or floods of tears.

    Suddenly, a sharp pain shoots through my body late one evening while Rick is sits outside the inn in his usual spot under the light post. I can see his silhouette from the window. “Sooner is now here.” I think to myself as I fall to my knees buckling from the sudden attack of pain. My hair falls forward covering my face and I drop my treasured hairbrush watching it clatter along the wooden floor.

    It’s funny, while in this blinding pain; I’m worrying about my hairbrush. I struggle to reach for it to return it to the shelf but I collapse on the floor as it sits inches from my outstretched fingers. I manage to fall on my side gritting my teeth as waves of heat and pain cause my head and body to throb. I can hear the blood flowing in my ears; my heart races and I struggle for breath.

    Try as I might, scream and I panic for my husband. My bare arms slide along the splintery floorboards; I can feel tiny wooden shards lodge in my skin as I move from side to side wincing in unbearable agony. My throat dries from my constant wailing. Heavy footfalls shake the ground coming to a sliding halt at my door. Light floods into the room and I see my love standing above me, eyes wide with fear.

    He kneels hurriedly alongside me ignoring the blood that soils his leggings and boots. Cradling me in his arms, I am carried towards the bed. Crowds of friendly faces linger just out of my line of sight in the hallway. Clerics visit healing and praying while Rick washes my blood away, his face turning white as he looks upon me. I reach up to touch is face for my voice no longer obeys me. I do my best to express my love for him as I gaze deeply into his eyes. I shudder from another wave of pain and quickly retract my hand. I feel his warm arms fold around me as he moves to sit behind me on our bed. The clerics try to shoo him away but in his typical wonderful stubborn way, he barks at them and continues to hold me close.

    My heart flutters quickly and for a brief moment I think it races as fast as my little chicken friend Bockey Bock. I laugh at the thought of how I have befriended a chicken and smile knowing I will introduce my feathered friend to my children. Again and again, my heart races in a flurry of pain. Each wave steals my breath. “Push!” I hear voices shout and obey screaming silently I search for breath but find nothing.

    Shadows bubble around me. Miniature black specks dance about the room slowly blotting out the light. In the far-off distance, I hear angelic cries of babies promptly followed by indistinguishable voices.

    Memories of my first visit to Norwick inundate me-the sense of adventure that was before me as I walked through the tall wooden gates, meeting Rick, the most handsome man in all of Toril, for the first time at the fire. Along with all the hardships we made through together. My mind settles on the happiest times of my life-the simple daily pleasures of watching him standing over the forge wearing his smithing outfit as he teasingly flexed his muscles at me showing his alluring smile.

    Part of my mind says instructs me to panic but in the arms of my true love, I feel safe, secure and at ease. The poem I’ve struggled to complete for my babies finally surfaces…it all becomes clear now…

    _The world is large and wide
    please keep an open mind
    I hope that you will be joyed
    at the surprises you find

    Love may be a gamble
    Don't let that hold you back
    Because love will let you truly live
    Don't let it be life you lack

    May you be independent and strong
    May you travel to distant shores
    May you love whole heartedly
    May happiness be yours

    May your heart be kind and good
    May you be strong and wise
    No matter how often you stumble
    May you continue to rise

    May you learn to forgive and forget
    and if you do teach me how
    Remember the past that is behind you
    But truly live in the now

    Sometimes you'll win sometimes you'll lose
    learn to do both with grace
    And even if you don't win
    May you always finish the race

    May you have virtue and be noble
    may you always do what's right
    May you know right from wrong
    May you always fight the good fight

    May you grow up to be happy
    Though I will not with you,
    Please remember that I’ve always loved you._

    The End

    OOC: Thanks for the fun with Aaimie one and all! It was a blast. This closes her chapter. I'll be moving on to other characters PC and DM wise.


  • Dear Diary,

    Sitting near the window, my warm breath clouds the glass obscuring my view of the moonlit night. “Dragon’s Breath” the children call it. What fun name to bring magic even to the simplest of things. It’s amusing, mages lock themselves away for years studying and memorizing magical text to produce fantastical spells that affect the world around them.

    Surprisingly, many fail to notice the magic found in a child’s laughter, the embrace of a friend or the gentle kiss from a lover. The power people hold over each other rivals the strongest spells. We create unbreakable bonds of trust and love that can cause us to forget our most basic instincts of self-preservation.

    Love, I find is one of the most magical gifts that few truly receive. Of course there are those who claim to have found love but later discover they hold an empty box with charming wrapping. I believe I am one of the fortunate ones regardless of some rumors that hover about.

    I extend my hand to wipe away the cool moist glass and peer outside. Shimmering blue armor catches my eye as I watch a lone guard patrol along the grey cobblestones. Peltarch is quiet this night. It suits my mood. A shiver passes over me as I look back to the empty unmade bed. The inn is comfortable and I’ve had my share of liquor in the common room but I find it difficult to sleep.

    Tradition. “The night and day before the wedding a bride should not see her future husband.” If this were not followed, bad luck would befall the couple. Why did I insist on upholding this odd tradition? I never really followed any before. I don’t know who my birth parents are. My surrogate family was the unkempt bar “Regulars” in Silvermoon. Their only tradition was to keep the ale foam just below to the brim of their favorite mug. I guess, with my new life coming into focus, I wanted to start some sort of tradition. Besides, I don’ t need to incur any more bad luck if I can avoid.

    Moving from my post I slide into the cool bed sheets hoping my freezing feet will warm up soon. As I exhale memories flood my mind. A smile creeps along my lips as I see my future husband’s smiling face. Many different poses and expression all of them filled with happiness. My heart wells up with joy remembering each moment he shared with me.

    Cyrus teased me long ago telling me that Rick was really a kitten. Through my three years with him, I have found these words to be true. Such a strong, muscular, handsome man, who will easily twirl his axe taking down many foes without any remorse, can tenderly express his love in numerous ways. I find myself needing him more as time goes on. His touch, his words give me sustenance. Sometimes it frightens me to give over so much of myself. Other times it’s like I am wrapped in a warm blanket on a winter’s morn desiring nothing else.

    I wake with a start hearing a repetitive banging. It seems I over slept and the waitress on the other side of the door is giving me my second wake up announcement. My fine silk embroidered wedding gown sits on one of the chairs. The details are clearly visible in the afternoon sunlight. I race to the bath that was recently drawn thanking the waitress for adding the rose scent to it. Faster than I would like, I rush back to my room leaving wet feet prints behind as I stomp through the upper hallway floors. Tossing the dress over my head I mumble to myself about not being able to reach the laces in the back. Fresh flowers are weaved in my hair and I make sure nothing is in my teeth as I gaze in the large wall mirror. As I futz with my hair, I notice my ears. A frown comes across my face as I wonder if I should do an up-do or not. Eventually I decided to braid it down my back covering most of my ears strategically placing a few flowers here and there.

    I cast a glance outside and see Ginger and Frem pacing the street pondering my delay. I slide open the window and wave looking down at their happy faces as they wave back to me. Ginger is wearing her black leather armor and carrying her bridesmaid’s gown in a long bag ready for the trip to Jiyyd. I look down at my dress realizing that I should have done the same. With a sigh I remove my dress and watch as the flowers in my hair scatter about the floor. I arrange my dress for packing and rush down the steps almost falling midway as I miss a step.

    Off to Jiyyd! Along the way I run into many people who wonder why I am late with a look of frustration plastered on their faces. I can’t help to smile at their concern. Again and again, I tell them “Yes, I know I’m late.” One person, to my surprise asks me to stop and talk to him alone. Pete, wearing his new red armor, pulls me aside. His normally charming flirtatious smile is replace with one I have never seen before. My heart pounds quickly and I stop breathing thinking the worst. I say a prayer to Garagos that Rick is unharmed.

    Pete begins talking to me in private. His topic of discussion was not expected. He brings up a very sore subject–Sam, the great paladin of Helm. The hero who stood his ground and bravely fought off bandits and save the people of Norwick on countless occasions. The very Sam who’s brave actions created a landmark known as “Sam’s Hill.”

    Pete asks with great seriousness that I allow Sam to attend the wedding. He explains that Sam is a good friend and should not be cast out. He asks that I do this favor for him. My temper flares up and I want nothing to do with this. He explains that Sam is remorseful for the words he said and claims that Sam has always been my friend. Pete looks at me with pleading eyes as my mind races.

    A burning sensation fills my stomach and I grip my wedding dress tightly threatening many wrinkles that I tried so hard to discourage. Visions of Sam’s folded arms and frown seem to surround me. Remembering, his proclamation shouted before a crowd on one of the highest hills in Narfell causes a bad taste to form in my mouth. He stated flatly that I was a cruel person and I abused a young adult. I spent countless hours with him on his hill. I thought after two years he would trust me. I thought we were friends. I was wrong. Friends don’t cast shadows of doubt on you in front of others. Friends don’t announce that you are cruel of character on a hill that was named after you. His name carries weight. His words, because of who he is, can make or break someone. He broke me. He didn’t trust me. He is not my friend. To think, I was going to ask him to represent the father I never knew at my wedding! My ignorance even surprises me at times!

    Pete touches me delicately on my shoulder snapping me back to the question he asked. “If you don’t have him at your wedding, you will regret it. He is a good man and a good friend. He can stand quietly in the back.” Knowing that I am already late, I did not want to argue the point. “Fine” I said. “Have him in the back and not a word.” I stormed off towards Jiyyd trying to cool my temper. The guests who came to check on me cleared the way free of anything that would slow me down or cause me harm. I was happy to have such a proficient escort for I didn’t even need to raise my bow once in defense.

    The walls of Jiyyd grew bigger as I neared. The sun fell beneath the horizon while the evening glow produce a misty haze over the area as street lamps were lit. Quietly, Ginger and I made our way to a corner outside the walls and dressed. Smiling at each other we primped and freshened up our appearances. Strolling back, we met the grinning Frem and Pete. “We are ready” Frem responded.

    Suddenly, my hands trembled. “This was it.” I thought. “My future will be forever changed. There is no going back.” Demi who wore her stunning outfit whispered words of reassurance in my ear. I was surprised at her kindness. I half expected her to tell me to hurry up and get married before she rushed down the aisle a head of me to marry Rick. Ginger lent me her glowing ring so that I could clearly see my way down the path towards the altar.

    Slowly as I neared the bridge a hush fall over the crowd. The splashing of the waterfall drowned out all fears as many eyes turned towards me. I felt Pete’s warm breath against my ear as he whispered. “Who is giving you away?” I lowered my eyes and felt an emptiness inside. I had no one. I thought of asking Pete since he was readily available but something stopped me. I honestly thought of no one but Sam. The mumbling and quiet whispers started. The guests were beginning to wonder what could possibly be delaying me from walking down the aisle after all, almost an hour late already. Tears falling down from my eyes I quietly asked Pete to get Sam. I wanted him to walk me down.

    The large man made his way towards me. I stood with my head down noticing his large boots before me. Quietly I asked if he would represent my father and give me away to Rick. As usual for me in stressful situations, I don’t remember exactly what was said. I remember Sam apologizing to me and asking my forgiveness. I explained to him that I was hurt and still angry with him but I would forgive him. Inside I wondered if I wasn’t continuing to be foolish or if this was the right thing to do. I felt faint, my stomach hurt and I had difficulty breathing yet put on my smiling mask and took Sam’s large hand. Together we walked hand in hand through the gathering of guests. I remember each smiling face but as soon as I saw my handsome Rick standing tall and proud before me, nothing else existed.

    Silence engulfed me. My body seemed to disappear as I floated towards him. His eyes focused on mine with such intensity I sensed something delve into my soul. I felt his capable hand delicately grasp mine. What sounded like a whisper, Khaya, the high priestess of Oghma, headed up the ceremony stating our vows. Though I could barely hear her over the pounding of my heart, I knew when to say “I Do.” I longed to kiss his soft lips but held back until the proper moment. I knew if the ceremony took much longer, I would surely break protocol. The curve of his lips, the sturdy cheekbones, his broad shoulders…

    The silence was shattered when a cheer rose up from the crowd. I jumped at the sudden noise glancing around wondering what happened. Then, I realized I must not have heard the final words proclaiming we now husband and wife. We embraced slowly drinking in each other’s scent savoring the moment.

    I absently rolled his wedding ring in my hand. My thoughts drifted briefly to it. I gathered up his hand, extended his ring finger and slid the gold ruby ring to its new home. I admire the engraver’s workmanship of the two wolves bounding side by side on the edges of the ring. Inside, I had it inscribed with the last line of a poem that I wrote for him long ago.

    We greedily share another passionate embrace before turning and facing the cheering crowd as the new Rick and Aaimie of the Swift clan.

    He is ever with me.
    The way the sun shines.
    He was there through the darkest of times.
    He too my hand and lead me through,
    the maze that I had fallen into.
    In this life I can call my own,
    though I know I am not alone for
    He has found me and led me home.


  • Dear Diary,

    I'm struggling to write this one…my hand shakes...well..here it goes...

    “He’s gone.” Rick said. “Shadowstrider is gone. He left after he was put on temporary leave from Norwick’s militia following accusations and a scuffle with Ger.”

    For days those words cycled in my mind. The initial shock turned to a hurtful pain then a cold emptiness lingered near my heart. I knew he was a follower of Mask but he was also my friend. I went to him with many of my worries, sang him songs and asked for advice. He was my best friend. He even shared a secret or two to me.

    For days Rick tried to cheer me up noticing the impact of his departure had on me. I’m glad that his brother Thyrm was captured and Shadow’s name is now cleared. I hope one day he will return after word gets out that things have settled.

    To help break myself out of my doldrums of writing poetry, mining, smithing and chatting with others in Peltarch’s commons, Rick and I decided to go hunting. Our prey would be goblins. We both thought an exciting hunt, along with helping out the community by eliminated a few goblins would be beneficial all around.

    I strapped on my long forgotten armor and Rick helped me with a few irritating buckles. Standing ready, I inhaled the cool air looking out at the brightly lit forest. My fine looking bow was notched with an arrow as I listened in the shadows for any signs of movement. Rick walked loudly ahead as he always did taking long strides. I haven’t practiced my fighting skills in such a long time I was afraid my instincts would fail me.

    A few snapping twigs, and goblin gibberish sent me forward, my bowstring pulled taut. Quickly, I lifted my leg as a goblin head rolled under it from Rick’s abrupt slice from his scimitar. From nowhere earsplitting crackles of magic filled the air and a white glow bounced off the trees creating sharp shadows.

    A piercing pain shot through my lower back; a sharp blade slid in deep twisting to its side followed by the sensation of a warm damp flow of blood. I drew my sword almost fumbling from the injury to strike at the dangerous green skinned assassin. As I raised my blade to strike, a jagged arrow slammed into my neck. The screaming plea I began for Rick to aid me was now lost as the shaft entered my throat.

    Almost at the same time, my leg failed me an arrow cut through the tendons behind my knee. As I began to fall forward toward the smiling face of the assassin my body shook in terror. I saw him eagerly lick his lips and swing the dripping blade towards my eyes.

    Dark shadows swirled by me. As they flew by, I could feel their cold fingers scratching at my tender skin. I remember seeing many ghastly creatures pleading towards the sky begging for release. Only to be greeted by a chariot ridden by a skeleton holding a living chain of black quintessence that latched onto the faithless. I made a silent scream as it approached. The barbed chain snaked towards me as brilliant light surrounded me.

    I woke in the tender arms of my love. As always, he chased away my fears. My mind was clouded with the horrific past events. Death’s face lurked in the back of my mind and the many wounds sent rivets of pain pulsing through my body.

    A few tears fell from Rick’s eyes as he blamed himself in countless ways for my injuries. I swallowed slowly pushing away the burning feeling in my throat. I did my best to put on my brave mask for him. He was torturing himself and I did not want to add to his anguish.

    Tonight I would sleep in his arms and say my first prayer to an unnamed god to help chase away the evil face of death lurking in the shadows as I sleep.


  • Today we broke from our usual routine of mining and went to one of my favorite spots. Rick and I traveled hand in hand through the gypsy camp strolling across the bed of leaves towards a small nook near a waterfall. The large spiders crept along at a safe distance not interested in our activity.

    When we came upon the familiar grove, I had noticed that someone filled the area with rose petals and lit candles. A feeling of awe filled me as I gazed upon the beautiful sight. I turned towards Rick to see that he had been watching the expression on my face in anticipation. Touching the side of my face, he guided me into a loving embrace and slowly we made our way to a soft blanket. As I sat, I watched Rick begin to put together a fire and prepare dinner. As the firelight grew, I watched the glow of the candles fade creating a surreal setting that flickering stars surrounded me.

    He poured some sweet wine and held me close in his imposing arms. I sipped from the cool glass and inhaled the liquor’s sweet scent that was mixed with the aroma of the savory food and potpourri of fresh flowers. The strength and warmth of his body helped to chase away the chill in the air and any frightening thoughts.

    As we relaxed quietly, enjoying the comfort of being so near, I saw him cup his sizeable hands together as if hiding something. He moved from behind me and stood looking down into my eyes. The fire and candlelight danced along his rugged features; the external light paled in comparison to the passionate fire that burned within him.

    In a fluid motion, he fell to one knee and took my small hand into his. Between his two fingers and thumb he held a beautiful ring encrusted with jewels with a head of a wolf engraved on it. The jewels flickered in the dim light sending sparks of color along the trees and stonewalls that surrounded us.

    A serious expression came over his face. His words were gentle and brimming with affection. I cannot remember his exact words for I was over come with emotion. My eyes filled with tears and my heart swelled so full I thought it might burst. I seemed to stop breathing as the world stood still. We exchanged heartfelt promises, mutual love and devotion.

    Rick slid the ring that was still very warm from his body over my left ring finger, resting both hands over it after it rested in its new home. He had given me the wedding ring worn by the brides from his family’s clan. I gaze upon the first bride’s ring given to me from last Chieftain of the Swift clan hoping that I am strong enough to bridge a new future.

    I keep coming back to this quote I heard somewhere through my years. You are one person to the entire world but you can be the entire world to one person. Through an interesting journey of love, I have found that my entire world is here with my love, my fiancé. My one and only Rick.


  • Dear Diary,

    Months have passed or has it been weeks? Anyway, my relationship with Rick seems to have gotten stronger. He’s been showing me tenderness, concern and I feel at ease once more. Doran hasn’t called me a whore again and Chiero, after a talk with Grivel, hasn’t been cruel to me.

    The latest news is now Maythor has issued a “kill on sight” order to all Norwick militia members because Rick insulted Maythor and the town or Norwick. What was Rick’s exact words? “Norwick is a town of idiots and Maythor.” Banning is fine, smacking Rick across the mouth for his words is understandable. Issuing an order of death is a bit much. I wonder if Maythor worships an unscrupulous god. But I digress. So if Rick is seen anywhere near Norwick they militia will kill him. I think Shadow is also angry with Rick for those words too. Shadow lives in Norwick and has taken a fancy to the citizens and even admires Maythor possibly.

    Rick and I got in a fight over how it might be best to apologize to Maythor and Shadow for making blanket statements about Norwick. This has gone to far and the petty squabbles should end. The militia of Norwick want to kill Rick. Rick as a pact with the druids so he can be in the woods. So, I envision this: Rick and I go for a walk in the woods, Rick gets shot dead and the druids attack Norwick.

    His mouth is what caused this petty fight to escalate. Now innocent lives are at stake and Rick won’t take a step to stop it. I know it takes two to resolve this situation but I don’t think he’s willing to shut up enough and do it. From what he tells me, long ago he and Maythor used to share a few drinks together and trade stories. He’s angry and blind. He makes general comments about how the entire town isn’t full of idiots. The fact is, he’s only had a problem with a few through out the years. He doesn’t realize that his words do demoralize other and could possibly hurt their feelings. And in that deference, people lose respect in him. He wants to be seen as honorable. Making harsh, general accusations do not reflect honorable qualities; in this instance anyway.

    I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how this will turn out.


  • Dear Diary,

    I decided to go south. Arabel is there. It’s warmer and there won’t be any goblins or Maythors or Chieros or Ricks. I’ll start over again. I won’t have to worry about Demi’s promise to take Rick away from me in the future if she wants. Why should I have to worry about her popping out of the floorboards? I’m free now. It’s been a few days now and my wounds are healing up nicely. The elves here in the camp took pity on me and let me stay until I can get a guide to take me to Arabel.

    My thought have cleared now and I do miss Rick but feel that it’s best not to be with someone who puts me second to conversations and greets me like a friend at his whim. I don’t need someone who yells at me accusing them of treating him like a servant or being insanely jealous. I can’t believe he willingly gave me a kiss on the cheek and then said “Fine” after I asked him to kiss me on the lips. I thought we were more than just simple friends, more than just lovers.

    I sent a messenger to deliver a note to Shadowstrider and Rick. Just to let them know I safe and I plan on moving on. I left in such an angry rush I am not exactly sure of what I said to others or even exactly what I wrote to Rick.

    As I was cooking dinner, and Shadowstrider gently creped up and sat next to me as a wisp of smoke. He began to speak but running from across the bridge Rick came bounding over almost knocking me over in a hug. He sincerely asked for me not to leave as he held me close in his arms. I looked over his shoulder to see Shadow rolling his eyes.

    Rick tenderly apologized and told me he would not put me second to any conversation and would take the time to treat me properly if I did not leave. He brought up some very personal things and I struggled to stick with leaving. He poured his heart out to me and I found myself unable to continue with my plans. Sometimes I feel so weak that I can’t stick up for myself. Other times I’m glad I didn’t leave because I feel good when I am with him and I feel loved. Other times I yell at myself “You feel good? Look at how bad he’s treated you!”

    Demi followed him up to the camp and watched us from the distance mumbling something. Rick did not turn to look at her and I’m not sure what that was all about.

    Shadowstrider left shaking his head. Later he asked about his faithfulness to me. I had the feeling that he doesn’t trust Rick as much as I do. He tells me that I should assess everything before making my decision and the next time I decide to leave him not to look back. I promised him I would.


  • Dear Diary,

    Morning came and brought with it a cold wind that chilled me to the bone. It was a sign and I didn’t heed it. Doran, Pete, Rick and myself were going to travel to Peltarch to hone my mining skills in a new area. I was very excited to try something new. None of us, except Rick knew where this new vein of ore could be found. Along the way, Rick saw Demi. He had promised her a talk and told us to wait by the gates to the Kolbold’s territory, just outside of Peltarch. We lit a fire and carried some bard tales but then as the night came to a close Pete left now wanting to wait for Rick any longer.

    The next day came and Doran left at first light off to take care of her daughter. I waited for Rick wondering when he would be back. I should have gotten sleep but I waited up for him hoping he would return to me soon. I had asked a guard in town to see if maybe Rick had left town and they told me no. He was still with Demi in the college.

    I waited in town for four days then decided to go home. Rick came home a few nights later, crawling into bed. He left at first light leaving me a note to come to Peltarch. I made the long trip alone as I have in the past but a bandit, who hid behind in the nook of a cliff, knocked me to the ground and plunged a knife into my stomach twisting it. I fought her off and made it to town.

    I eventually found Rick sitting with Demi outside the bard college. He was seated on a bench next to her. I came to sit on an empty bench slowly not to worsen my wound. Rick smiled politely at me and continued to carry on his conversation with her. I wanted him to hold and comfort me but I could not find the strength to tell him. I was dizzy from the blood loss and my nerves were strained due to the recent events. He continued to talk quietly with her. He usually gives me a welcome kiss and holds me tight as we sit on benches together. Has something changed? I looked down to my wound and decided it might be best if I rested in the inn. As I stood, Rick bandaged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I asked him why on the cheek and he said “Fine!” then kissed me on the lips. It seems I am too much of a bother. He returned to his seat next to Demi as I walked to the inn.

    Later Rick found me in the inn and yelled at me for looking so hurt regarding his actions. I said that I wanted to be held and be given my typical welcome. Not a friendly smile. One that you give to others. He yelled saying he was in the middle of a farking conversation…and that he is not a servant that when I snap my fingers, he comes running over to give me kiss. He said I was being jealous. I told him I don’t want to be second to any conversation and that I obviously need more attention than he is capable of giving.

    I went to bed and when I came out he was talking to Zyph who was giving Rick advice on how to deal with an “insanely jealous” woman. Rick turned to me with face full of anger and only a hint of love deep inside. I could not breathe. I wanted to vanish. I could not cry or say a word. My heart stopped beating. I left Peltarch and Rick stayed yelling something at me.

    The rest of the evening was a blur. As I caught my breath later on Sam’s hill, Pete came by and said that Rick was complaining about me to Demi as they camped near Peltarch. I explained the situation and Pete told me that Demi’s conversation was more important than me. In a fit of anger, I don’t remember much else. I wrote Rick a note and left.


  • Dear Diary,

    Today Doran offered me a ring as a peace offering of sorts maybe of friendship. I refused it believing that it was another trick. She dropped it on the ground and left. Rick took the ring and ran after me yelling to accept the ring. He droned on and on about how I was blowing this out of proportion and that she wants to make amends. I don’t know what came over me but I turned around and accepted the ring. I still don’t trust her but it’s a start.

    I am very angry that Rick yelled at me and practically left me no choice. I wish I was stronger. Hell. I’m so confused at this point. Why do I do the things I do? I guess I’m not strong enough to stand up to him or maybe I’m trying to be a better person? Or maybe I just want all the fighting to be over with.

    Chiero spat at me the other day and called me a dog. Rick and him are still having squabbles. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s right any more.


  • Dear Diary,

    Tomorrow came and a note with a knife was on Tal and Doran’s door. It contained the words “I do not wish to kill you” written in blood on it. Tal came to Jiyyd and asked if I or Rick knew about it and I don’t. I wonder who would do it and part of me is glad it was done but sometimes its best not to ask too many questions.

    Rick and I have been spending a few days mining and crafting blades. It is very laborious and it is something I need right now to help me to stop worrying. In the meantime, Tal and Doran have separated. It seems that Doran and Eo were having some sort of fling behind Tal’s back and now the two ladies are elven soul bound or something. Doran took one of the two children to live with her in Jiyyd. So now I get to see more of her. Lucky me.

    Rick of course couldn’t be happier with Doran, Eo and Demi in town. I’m not so sure I like this new arrangement. If the reason why Rick did not go with Demi was the fact that Demi and Eo are never separated, now that Eo and Doran are bonded, Demi will be alone. I hope Rick’s love for me remains strong.

    The other day while in Peltarch Demi had asked Rick if he was going to have children with me to carry on the Swift Clan name. Rick blushed and stuttered not able to get the words out. Demi cooed and told Rick that it would either with me or her. I had no idea what she was talking about and Rick broke out in a horrible sweat and lost his voice. He backed away from me and Demi when I asked what was that all about? The two of them toyed with me watching me stew in my confusion. My heart began to shatter as I looked upon both of them. Demi with her smirk and Rick growing pale as he stood voiceless in his shirt soaked with sweat. After what seemed like hours Demi showed me her ring and Rick’s ring. The ring from the Swift clan. I wondered how many rings did this man have and why have I not received one of these. Before I could ask how she received such a gift she told me that she was an honorary clan member. So if she were to have children, her children could carry on the Swift Clan name…and it wasn’t necessarily to have a child with Rick.

    I don’t like to be toyed with. Demi had a sly smile wondering why I was so uptight and speculated that she and Rick would be having children together. I explained that it was obvious because he left me for her. Well! Demi didn’t know about that! If it was possible for Rick to sweat more, he did. He blurted out that he doesn’t love Demi and that he loves me. Everything was a blur for me from that point on but I do remember that I explained how he left me. Rick did say that he would speak to Demi alone soon. Rick and I went into the inn to talk and that was nothing more than him apologizing for not being upfront. He also yelled at me for being upset that he didn’t disclose everything about Demi and her being a part of his clan. He did say he was sorry for letting me stew as he lost his voice and stepped back from me. I really needed his support at that time.


  • Dear Diary,

    When I awoke the first person I saw in town was Frem. I could barely contain myself and I poured out all my thoughts to him. His sweet face was more than I could take. He listened politely with concern and I felt better. He did point out that my thoughts on cheating on Rick might cause harm to the guy I cheated on with. I didn’t think about that. I don’t want to have Pete get killed by one of Rick’s rages. I told Frem that if he doesn’t see me for a while that I was glad that I had the privilege to meet him.

    Rick came by shortly afterwards and Frem left. We went mining and I asked Rick about his relationship with Talgrath and Doran before I came. He believes that Doran only put her fingernail to my neck and she was truly sorry for her joke. He also said he would continue to see her and try his best to guide her. He feels that Doran sees Demi as a mother of some sort. I stated then she must want him as a father. He agreed.

    With all my heart I believe that Doran did put a knife to my throat and threatened my life. It wasn’t a joke. If she out right threatened me telling me to leave Rick so he can be with Demi, she couldn’t play it off as a joke. Doran knew what she was doing and it’s working. First she called me a THAT, now a threat on my life. What’s next? Oh, that’s right, she sent a letter addressed to me written in blood. The words were “I don’t want to kill you.” To me that’s a veiled threat. Everyone tells me I’m blowing it out of proportion.

    Rick will not believe it until I am dead then still be baffled and probably blame some random bandit rather than the wife of this best friend. He will play with Doran’s children never knowing that she was she was the one who killed me.

    I went to Shadowstrider to seek his advice. Perhaps I was making it more than it was. He told me that it is a possibility that she may try to kill me but not to put much thought in it. So I’m basically back to where I started. I went home to and crawled into bed with Rick. I’m not ready to leave him. I will wait to see what tomorrow brings.


  • Dear Diary,

    Today Rick and I went into Peltarch commons and had a rest from out recent mining trip. Doran was there. She waved to us and left stating she was heading for bed anyway. She walked off to the inn. A few minutes later, someone invisible grabbed me by the shoulder roughly and held a knife to my neck. The eastlander accented voice demanded that I put all my gold on the ground or I will be killed. I shook nervously and tried to untie my purse when Rick noticed. He tried to pull be towards him but I was held tight. Rick’s voice raised in anger threatening the unseen person. The person backed away and then Doran appeared singing a joyous tune. She giggled and said to Rick that it was simply a joke and that she had her sharp fingernail to my neck rather than a knife.

    Rick was nearing a rage and demanded that she apologize to me and he yelled is feelings as to how her threatening me was not funny. She yelled back explaining that it was funny and she only had her finger to my throat. Chiero arrived with a group and got into the mix defending Doran and yelled at Rick. Doran came over to me and said “Hey! I’m sorry I touched you” and then left.

    Chiero made it clear to all that were gathered that I do deserve to be treated badly and that Doran was in the right to threaten my life. He is in league with a Doran who sees me nothing more than piece of trash. She would rather see me dead then mar her line of sight. It is simple Chiero defended her over me. His feelings for me couldn’t be clearer. I will demonstrate the qualities he has shown me in these past few months.

    Later, I discovered that Doran treats me this way because she wants Rick to be with Demi. She wants me dead so Rick will be with the pink haired bard warrior. Lucky me. I wonder if Talgrath feels the same way. I love Rick and want what is best for him. I wonder if leaving would be what is best. He could have Demi and his so called best friends back. I also worry because life has been threatened due to me messing up the pretty picture of Rick, Demi, Doran and Talgrath. It seems I have two choices. Stay with Rick and die OR leave Rick and live.

    Maybe I’ll just leave one day and not return. It might just be the right thing to do. I could find someone to cheat on and break Rick’s heart. That would put things back as they were before I came. I will have to think more on it.


  • Dear Diary,

    Upset by all the events, today I decided to sit on Sam’s hill. Sam and Vine were there and we had a quiet evening enjoying Sam’s good dinners. Bandits came out of nowhere and even caused Sam to almost fall down the hill from the force of the attack. He staggered to town leaving a trail of blood to yell for reinforcements. In the meantime, an officer shot me in the neck and as I turned to run for cover, another landed in my back. Everything became a blur. I remember Frem standing over me with the bloodied arrow in his hand. I was close to Norwick and rested outside the gates. I am not sure what happened next but I found myself wandering in the deep woods. I heard the cries of victorious goblins tearing at the flesh of green warriors.

    I hid for hours as best I could and caught sight of Shadowstrider, Sedrick and a few others. Shadow tended some of my wounds and Sedrick took me by my hand and led me back to town. Sedrick seems to be very helpful and pleasant but the more time I spend with him, I’m not so sure. He stinks of rotten fish and he seems to enjoy pain. Something tells me that this isn’t a good thing. A few days later we traveled together and he licked the blood off is injured knees seeming to enjoy the feeling and taste. He also jammed his hand into the termite hill grabbing handfuls of them he placed the crawling creatures in his mouth. As if a gift, he seemed to offer them to me. I politely declined. He also seems to want to give me other gifts such as rocks and such. I’m really not sure what to make of him at this point.

    Rick and I have begun to mine recently and I have been enjoying our time together. I hate the dangerous walk to Peltarch carrying all the ore but Rick insists that it’s the right thing to do. He says that the Crafter’s Union is full of…well I don’t really remember what exactly he said he went into this heated statement about corruption and laws. In the end, he boiled it down to “if I support the Union, I’m supporting Maythor.” I could see it in his eyes. If I accepted an apprenticeship in that group, it would be as if I took a dagger to his heart. All I wanted was to be able not to carry all the ore through the Nars.

    A strange thing happened though. Ragnar let us use the guild’s forge to make carrying the materials easier for our walk to Peltarch. Because I was new, he let me use the crucible. He gave me Moradin’s blessing and watched as I attempted to make my first knife. On my first try I made a perfect one! Rick and Ragnar were both in awe. I, of course, was surprised too! I wonder, could it have been due to Moradin?


  • Dear Diary,

    Well, today it seems that Maythor revoked my banning. He claims he never banned me in the first place. I straightened things out with Talgrath and all seems to be as it was. Shadowstrider gave me a lecture on how I should not hold a grudge against the bald dwarf, slurring dwarf who frequently passes gas. He claims is he a good person though he did not offer me any reasons as to why that situation occurred. He said I shouldn’t “act” this way because it isn’t “like me.” I asked what is it that I am?

    I hope things get better during the past few days during my “ban from Norwick.” Rick and I went to Peltarch to hear Vine, Doran and Demi sing in the commons. Demi also did a solo and apparently he was very rich according to the bards as he gave them a nice tip. Rick pushed me and wanted me to join them in their concert even though I was not invited. I am out of their league and they know it. Rick is the only one who doesn’t seem to understand that. The tension I felt in that moment was so overwhelming, it took all my strength to sit there and watch Rick gaze at her and to tip her twice. Basically I was in a numb shock where my blood would boil from time to time. I hope to never experience that again. I really didn’t have much choice in the circumstance. If I left, I would look like the jealous fool that I am. I also have to be mature about the situation because he has been friends with her a long time and will continue to be that way. I need to trust him. Still, I hope not to go through that again.

    Also in Peltarch, I found out what a racist pig Doran is. I overlooked her bandit upbringing and her need to flaunt it in public daring anyone to say anything. I was always polite with her, I went to her wedding and we even had some light conversations about Rick. In front of her husband and Rick. She said to addressing Rick directly, “I can’t believe you are dating THAT.” The years of abuse when I was back in Silverymoon came flooding back. Silly me, I thought that perhaps coming to this area would make my life better.

    I expected some remarks from snobby elves now and again but not from Doran. I was beginning to think she was my friend. Talgrath is Rick’s best friend. He even gave Doran and Talgrath his chieftain ring to use as part of their wedding ceremony. I was hoping we would go places together as couples. Perhaps even to baby sit from time to time for her. But reality often hurts. Talgrath heard the words that came out of her mouth and knew that Rick and I were hurt. His only comment was “it just must have slipped out.” Remarks like that don’t just slip out. He was condoning her words. He must feel the same way about me. Is he having me in charge of information gathering in Norwick purposefully so I will be put in harms way? After all, they said I was a “THAT.” Maybe they think the Thayans will finish me off. Then their good friend Rick won’t have to date me any longer. I never knew what to make of Talgrath anyway. He’s very curt and abrupt to me. Rick tells me not to worry about that because he’s that way to everyone. Now I’m not so sure.

    On top of all of this, Chiero has been avoiding me. I caught up with him recently and he wanted nothing to do with me. I seemed to be wasting his time. So I walked away giving him what he wanted. A few days later, I was mining with Ginger and Frem. I said hello to him and he said hello to Ginger, Frem, even Rick but ignored me outright. I think it’s time I put it into my head that he is no longer my friend. Another day I saw him in Nowick and he sat around the fire ignoring me. And so it has happened. He had chosen not to be my friend.


  • Dear Diary,

    Today was one of the worst and best days I have had yet. I was asked by Vine and Arryn, both spectacular bards, to help sing to the citizens of Norwick in a mini concert. Our goal was to raise money to help a few fallen citizens. We raised some gold but not enough to make the huge difference we were hoping for. This was the first time that I was invited to play along side of others. I was so honored I almost froze from nervousness! I was glad to see Cyrus, Shadow and Rick there.

    In a moment of sheer sadness, I watched Maythor, a bald dwarf who is head of Norwick’s militia, escort Rick out the south gates. Rick was always so careful not to come into town. However, today, I found Juno’s body near the Friars. Only recently today, Juno helped to save Rick’s life when the bandits unexpectedly swarmed down on us. Juno helped Rick, where I could not. For the first time in four years, Rick entered Norwick without permission to give assistance to his friend. He stayed because I was starting to sing.

    With a heavy heart, I left Vine and the others and sat outside the gates with Rick away from the cheerful camaraderie and warm fire. It was cold, dark, muddy and pouring on the other side of the wall. Rick noticed I was upset and help me close doing his best to warm me and shelter me from the cold rain with his cloak.

    In burst of activity, Maythor throws open the gates and stares directly at us with his cold dark dwarven eyes.

    “Git away from me walls ye criminals!” He screamed at Rick and me. The entire town of Norwick seemed to pour out behind him.

    I could barely breathe. I must have looked a sight with my face in shock, not to mention that I was shivering, rain soaked wearing my best silk dress. I did not have time to change after the small concert. I couldn’t think of what to do! Countless thoughts rushed through my mind. I could not think of anything that I did wrong to deserve to be publicly humiliated like that!

    “Leave me woods to ye criminals!” He screamed with a red face. I was over come with emotion. There was a burning in my chest and felt my entire body quivering. I had difficultly breathing and I thought I might pass out. Somehow, I found strength in my feet and knew I better leave because tears threatened to pour down my face. The crowd of onlookers watched me closely. I saw their looks of condemnation and was mortified. I ran back to Jiyyd as fast as I could with Rick. Eventually, my warm tears stung as they fell along my cold skin.

    I immediately sent a message off to Talgrath explaining my situation and suggesting a few other contacts he could use for Norwick since I was no longer allowed. I never had any ill feelings towards dwarves. I thought they were generally fair and honorable. I guess I have misjudged them.

    I don’t find any logic why he would throw me out of town but allows the woman who obviously had connections with hellspawns her freedom. I saw her walking around unescorted through Norwick while I was in concert with the others.

    It is unfortunate that Maythor is so misguided. It is unfortunate for all the innocent citizens in town. Rick is charged with petty crimes and I am innocent. I can no longer inform Talgrath of the Thayan’s activities in Norwick for our unified front and Rick’s fighting skills will not be at the ready all because of Maythor’s pettiness. I’m afraid that it will be too late for Norwick with him in charge. I can’t help but to shake the images of the mummies marching into town with the Thayan’s following and Norwick in flames.

    I guess I’ll spend my time fishing in the hin valley now.


  • Dear Diary,

    Today was interesting. I was in Norwick when a hooded man who did not give his name wearing a beige outfit came through Norwick’s portal near the south gate’s fire. He said the was to meet a contact here to discuss a sword. A white haired woman was overly eager to talk to him. ::Describes Divinus Mortis:: She spoke to him in two unknown languages one sounded full of hisses and the other sounded almost elven but wasn’t. She obviously was hoping that the observers wouldn’t understand their conversation. Eventually, the man turned himself invisible and ran. I followed him as far as I could before he disappeared completely from my eyes. The white haired woman ran in pursuit. I lost sight over he too as I made towards the graveyard.

    A door opened up leading to the other crypt…not the Norwick Family one. Inside mummies poured out and Rick, Shadowstrider and a few others killed them after a rough battle. We are thinking that the new arrival went down there.

    Meanwhile, someone tracked the white haired woman to the Norwick crypts. She casted a spell to cloak herself in darkness and mummies and an army of undead appeared there as well.

    Eventually, we found her again and brought her to the militia base in Norwick. She was put in a cell for questioning.


  • Dear Diary,

    What a wonderful day I had! Rick has returned from his long trip to Cormyr. He brought with him some lovely flowers for me and led me on a poetry clue hunt. I pretty much updated him on what I was happened with me. And he was thinking about asking someone in Norwick to lift his ban. We ran into Vine and he graciously said he would look into it. Rick was about to go into detail about his trip but then we walked into a bandit raid. Again, they were attacking Sam’s hill. Fortunately, they were pushed back.

    Rick and I separated and I waited in Norwick near the fire to hear the latest gossip where a wizard almost sat me on! I think his name is Cray. He was nice and apologized for it. I spoke with Sedrick who seemed upset that Chiero kept calling him “Git.” I never saw anyone who wanted to be nice to Chiero after he was so abrasive. I hope they can work it out. Sedrick seems very polite.

    I spent the other part of my evening with Delron, an acquaintance of Shadowstrider. (He’s the elf that Chiero wanted to beat up the a few days ago.) I am not sure what happened between them back then but it had something to do about stealing. As always, Chiero was a bit rude. He asked touchy questions that should not be boldly spoken in such a manner in front of a crowd at Norwick! We got in a little fight and Chiero walked off. Today, surprisingly, I heard Chiero apologize to him. Delron and I spent a little time getting to know one another and perhaps we will spend more time together in the future. He wants to introduce me to a friend of his.

    There was no interesting gossip to be found in Norwick this night so I returned to Jiyyd to find Rick waiting for me in the inn. What a wonderful day it was indeed!


  • It seems like forever since I last saw Rick. He left for Corymr months ago. I keep an image of him in my mind and anyone that comes across the road that has his build, I instantly think hope he has returned. Lately, I've spent my time with Shadowstrider, Cyrus and Chiero. I have learned a lot from observing the mysterious Shadowstrider. I watch him pray often especially before engaging in battle. I often wonder which god he dedicates his prayers to. He seems rigid in his dedication to the healing of others and uses sound military tactics. It seems that whenever I need him, he is there watching over me. I have learned a lot from him. From watching Shadow, I've even attempted, from time to time, to use two weapons this seems to be a good fighting technique.

    Poor Cyrus is still plagued with this unknown illness and it seems there is no cure. I've taken walks with him frequently hoping it would work out of his system since resting hasn't helped. His eyes seem to be more drawn each day. I know he isn't sleeping well. One night I tried my best to sing him to sleep and to bore him with some stories but it only worked for a few hours. I fear that whatever he, and Frem for that matter, have is here to stay.

    I've also been spending time more with Chiero. As promised, he's taught me to use a long bow and has been so patient with me. The hardest part was trying to string the bow. I had such a difficult time pulling it tight enough to make the arrow go farther than a few footfalls. We came upon some animals as well. And he has shown me how to coax them to me. Aside from a stray dog or a cow, I never engaged an animal with an open hand before. With Rick gone Chiero has become more forward in ways I really don’t wish to describe.

    I am not so sure about this new person I met. His name is Vine and he’s a beautiful elven bard. His skills with the Lyre are almost magical. He has played many songs for me much to my enjoyment. After thinking on it for some time, I am not sure if I want to continue my pursuit of the arts.

    A few days ago there was a poetry and music session that was made up on the spot. Zyphlin, Vine and a new bard who was friends with the two were asked to meet on Sam’s hill to entertain Sam. Zyphlin was talking about new upstart storytellers, singer and poetry performers that could join them. It seems I never entered their minds. I stood with them as they came up with the idea and was hurt. I lacked the courage to speak up for myself and Vine did not invite me to perform even a simple poem. I sense coldness about him that I don’t understand. A few days later, I asked if one day we could play together if the tune was simple and he seemed quite reluctant. He has a high standing in the bard college and it seems I cannot make an impression.

    I wonder what exactly I am good at these days. I am pleased at least able to help with the Thayan dilemma. Talgrath has been sending me messages and updates on the situation and I am doing my part. Hopefully, we can put a stop to their plans.

    On a lighter note, the fashion show auction was rained out and will be held later. Hopefully Rick will be able to see it. I have found out that the other models will be from the bardic college. I know that I am sure to see Vine and Demi there. I hope I have the courage to show up.


  • Dear Diary,

    I can’t believe what happened over the past few days! It started off with a simple stroll with Rick but then we came upon a gathering of orcs from different tribes. They were trying to negotiate taking over the positioning of Sam’s hill. Rick stepped up and attempted to discuss the options. Others from the area were present ready attack at a moment’s notice. I thought to myself that Rick might not be the best mediator and took a safe distance away from the gathering crowd.

    To my chagrin, a few of the orcs decided to assess me! One thought I would make a “good blonde wifeee,” while another explained to his friend that my hips were way to narrow and couldn’t hold an orc baby. Yet another plainly suggested giving it a try and “if she breaks to find another one.”

    To my rescue came Chiero and Rick. I am not sure if I should be flattered or not for they insulted me repeatedly. I would have imagined my knights in shinning armor to march towards me and save my honor by slicing the beasts in two. Instead, they verbally assaulted my worth publicly! What was that they said? That’s right, I was “ugly, useless, worthless, incompetent, not worth the time” and under my clothes I was “really a man.” For a moment, I didn’t know whether to go with the orcs who wanted me or these two “gentlemen” who overtly humiliated me in front the entire town!

    I didn’t have much time to worry about my hurt feelings because a wave of highly skilled bandits poured in from the north. Running for cover, one arrow lodged deep in my shoulder and I fell face first sliding down the opposite side of Sam’s protective hill. Looking up, I found Cyrus’ concerned expression. He gently tended my wound gave me a wink then moved on to help the others in need. A shout rang out to get reinforcements from Norwick. Knowing I could not hold the front lines, I ran to get help.

    Entering Norwick, the wild magic surrounding the haunted well caused such chaos. I am not sure what came over me but I started to fist fight the other citizens. I even started to chase Jore in an angry rage. Thank goodness he dodged my unskilled blows and knocked be beside my head clearing my vision. Wait, is that a good thing that Jore beat me up? Anyway, I ran out of town without any one in tow. Merin confidently strolled by and did what I could not. He deflected the frenzied magic and brought in reinforcements. I feel so useless. Part of me thinks what Chiero and Rick said about me “was” true. What seemed like days, the elite bandit squad was defeated.

    Rick and I made it back to Jiyyd to rest. Here, I sang him my newest song that surprisingly, came out well. I even hit the high notes. I realized that I was falling deeper for him. I watched Chiero silhouetted in the distance. I observed his serious expression as he spoke with the others in town. He served as a reminder to me of what could be, a chance to start over. I shook my head and gathered up my senses and what little pride I had remaining. I told Rick I was wrong to “sing for him and sit with him as closely as I did.” I forgot my self. He left me to pursue Demi and I was just acting foolish. I started to walk away and he pulled me back. I was so exhausted from the day, upset with my own weakness and disgusted with myself for loving someone who obviously cannot love only me. I am not sure exactly what happened or what exactly what words were said but Rick professed his love and desire for me. He explained that he wants only me and he apologized for treating me so callously. His words were as smooth as silk and part of me knew I was being manipulated but I could not resist. I hope he will be honorable and keep his word.

    The next day I went for an interesting stroll with a nice group of friends. Though still achy from the day before, the long trip to this underground city was well worth it. They had the finest boots and such fantastic buildings to look upon! The trip was a maze bursting with danger and excitement! I know I could not have found my way alone to this place again without help.

    Rick has now left for Cormyr to settle is sister’s estate. I hope it goes smoothly for him. He worries that I will be unfaithful while he is away. He jokes about my “boyfriends.” It's obvious he doesn't trust me. I hope he doesn’t take too long for I may be the one who isn’t honorable just to prove him right.


  • Dear Diary,

    I finished my tale about the awful spider cave…I stayed in Norwick for a while hoping to gather my thoughts. I felt so alone. I could barely breathe. How stupid of me to go into that cave. My curiosity took the better of me. I asked them to turn back but they didn't listen. Ginger was so nice to me and so was this new person Lanz. They saw me sitting in the rain and wanted to help but I just didn't have the strength to talk much. Perhaps later I will thank them for caring about me.

    I wish that Rick would stop flashing in my mind. I have shocks of pain in my heart when he flows back into my thoughts. For days I worried about sweet Chiero. I'm sure he tried to protect me as best he could. I worried how was I going to explain this to Cyna. But right now, I sit in Jiyyd knowing that the Chiero, Shadowstrider and Arora are alive.

    I wandered the land and found myself in Peltarch earlier today. There was not much activity in the commons so I thought I would take a walk to the bard college to find out how I might be a member. On my way there I saw him and my heart nearly broke in two. My body shuddered and I could barely move. Rick was talking with Demi right outside the college. I always wondered what he did when he "went away." Now I know. I found my legs and ran back to the commons. I don't know why I should be upset to see them together. I expected I would see it one day after all, he did leave me for her. But the pain was almost overwhelming. I need to distance myself from him...somehow.

    A wonderful gentle man, Sorlin, I believe his name was sat and talked to me for a while. I would have ran blindly into the bandit pit had he not been there to calm me down. He asked to hear one of my stories with a happy ending and I gladly did so. Rick eventually found me and wanted to talk. I think he wants us to be friends as he explores his feelings with Demi. I really don't know what he wants. He looks at me as if he is hurting too but it's difficult for me to feel sorry for him since he was the one who caused this.

    So, here I am. Trying to move on. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know where to begin. If I don't feel empty inside, I'm so filled with grief over Rick with someone else. Bards write of how beautiful love is. I know I love him, but it only seems to give me pain.

    Well, I'm definitely not going to the bardic college any more! That's one thing I'm sure of.


  • Dear Diary,

    This evening I sat with Rick near Jiyyd’s lake. It was a quiet evening and we went for a very cold swim. We had such a relaxing time. He looks at me with tenderness and seems to care deeply for me. Though when I look in his eyes, he seems troubled.

    I caught him mumbling to himself one time about how he isn’t sure what to do. I know he favors Demi and he seems to gaze in the direction of the Bard College often. He forgets himself sometimes when we are walking and turns to look at its spiraling towers. When she sat in the commons with us, he stares at her. Is he waiting for her to give him a sign?

    I confronted him about her and he seemed jumpy and defensive. He said that she was with him when he found his tribe turned into zombies. He said she saw everything he did. I told him about if he wanted to leave me for her, I would not hold a grudge and I wouldn’t. I know he and she outclass me for that matter. I know my place in this world. I know my status. Both of them are better than me. There is nothing I can do about it. I am a half-elf who grew up in a low class tavern. I’m nothing more than a barmaid pretending to be a bard.

    He reassures me that he wants to be with me and not her. Though his words sound very similar to Chiero’s. Chiero also told me he doesn’t know what to do. I found him earlier and he explained that he loves Cyna and me. “He doesn’t know what to do.” he tells me. He loves us both. I wonder if Rick feels the same way.

    Should I be upset with this? No words of fidelity have been professed. Should I find another person to spend my time with? Should I just settle with being one of two? Should I just wait patiently until they make up their minds? Or should I use them both? I guess I don’t know what to do either.

    Maybe it’s time for me to move on again and not be bothered with such confusion.