Then and Now
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_I believe I am working harder than I have e’er done. Harder than any training, any fight, any journey, any puzzle, anything. I walk about in the eve looking, searching, listening, and waiting for the right time to arrive. Though the process is slow, it has been bearing fruit. I shall do anything I need to do complete this mission, to settle this arbitration.
He looks out the window towards the waterfall and then the sound of the quill against the parchment could possibly be heard
I have been told many things, I have heard many things, I hold hope and know that Helm watches o’er and protects. I thank Him each day for continued protection because I know He shall see me through. Aye, I continue to work vigilant of the goal. My eyes fixed and my heart shall not wander. I may be losing strength and becoming weak, though I persevere, because I know
I know all this work shant be in vain. The goal shall be met and this arbitration shall be ended._
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_the quill seems to be tossed onto the open book and the ink as dried a bit on one corner turning the parchment black. The book itself lays open upon the bed table in his locked room
Much has happened and much there is naught I can so but wait. I am told that the Sun leads and pulls together the other planets and through forces, I do not understand, keeps them in place. If one was removed, one planet taken away, would it not also, in theory cause instability in the heavens as we know it? Would there not be something obviously wrong? Missing? No one can know…
Perhaps these thoughts are all I can state whence I places the quill against the parchment. Perhaps the tension and stress of the Senate has caused me the need of a vacation?_
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_I have finally spoken with the one I was to wed. She apologized for approaching me and treating me as she did, for breaking my heart o’er so much time. She wishes the friendship to remain as she has found another. Aft some time, I can see the friendship growing again. I am happy to see she has found another that brings her comfort. I know that this may confuse Wyatt and I am prepared to be there for him if he has any questions.
I have decided to focus on my atonement, my son, and on my lessons. I find myself, more and more, wandering the lands as I did many years ago. I want to take my son with me, though I am uncertain if he is ready. He is not much older than I, when I was cast out of the safety of the wood in Tethyr. I know he tends to wander about the city and out the gates. I ponder the similarities in us. I need teach him the dangers. I need show him how to be safe, I need be a father to him. I understand the sense of freedom that grows with exploration.
I remember the words spoken to me long ago in warning of having too many things to tend to. One such thing, I have been putting off though and tis time to move forward.
Note to self: Finish letter and decide how to announce it.
The one who mentors me has been busy of late though still takes the time to ask on my progress, is as always pleasant and listens. Though I wish we could talk as we have in the past, many things distract us and life continues to keep us busy. Tis my hope she is there the day Lord Helm blesses me with his strength and touch once more, by His might, as a battle priest. I have told my son of my wish to join the clergy, he is happy with my decision and perhaps I saw a bit of pride in his eyes. He has so many questions. I hope to be able to answer._
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_Twould seem that I am finding myself feeling a bit restless. I find all that was told to me recently is becoming reality. Twas odd, feeling these things, pondering them, and then the realization. There is much I wish to speak of though I do not know where to begin. I close my eyes. What I see eases my mind and relaxes me. Once again, I am focused.
My focus is clear, just as my mentor told me twould be. I feel it in my blood. I travel far south to Norwick, through the south gate, through the graveyard path, using and honing the skills that I have re-learned and that I swore not to forget. This time the beetles came from all sides, but I was ready. I could hear the words in my head. I could feel my muscles move before I realized the thought. The whispering atween them, seemed to taunt me. My blade whistles through the air, cutting into the shell, hearing the screech, then the hiss from ahind me. I dodge, instinctively, thrust and turn the blade into the beasts head then swing and moves ahind me slicing the head of the serpent off, whilst from ahind the tree comes another. For a moment I think, “Are they calling out to one another? Blast, we are too far from the nest for them to notice the other side of the trees”. My focus is snapped back as if being slapped and my blade finds another beast heart and pierces it. When the silence takes o’er, I kneel with blood covered sword and thank Helm for all the protection and blessings he has brought to me.
I then look to the south, my destination, purpose, and mind clear. I call out, “You shant survive Helms Might”, the stench of the undead reeks through the tree line. I am bandaged and ready, once again, to move. I pray and step through the trees, prepared…
the quill lays upon this page a droplet of ink falls from the tip marking the placement as it awaits the writers hand_
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_The snow has started to fall again in Peltarch, in the late summer months. Tis odd, though, tis a welcome sight to many. The change in the weather patterns o’er the lands has been quite distressing. What once was a white covered hill and mountainside has turned into a plush green forests. Holes in the ground lay in wait for any misstep. I find myself missing the snow, missing the quite that it causes, the way it falls while flakes get caught on you. Twas this memory and the new falling snow that brought on thoughts of seeing the snow covered mountains again.
Our small band braved the undead, the wolves, and the cold to attempt a climb of Snowtop, only to find the path blocked by trees and brush and snow. Perhaps, the rubble we were faced with was an avalanche, which was never dug through, perhaps just the way of the world. Twas disappointing, I must admit. Twas disappointing to the others as well. I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices, especially hers. I know not if she was aware, though I said naught whence I saw the disappointment in her eyes.
Upon the return trip to Peltarch, we spoke of taking another trip to the cold caves. I look forward to the trip. Then aft such a long journey, we all parted ways at the tower and she and I entered the tower and talked until she fell to rest. I kept watch o’er her through the remainder of the eve. I awoke, a blanket lying o’er me in my chair and seeing it, I smiled.
swirls across the page_
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_I feel I am growing, in my skill, and am feeling stronger in the path that I follow, it seems. I am receiving more positive comments then corrective, now, and I am greatly appreciative. I know that, in the future, nothing is set and as such, I am following where my path goes and making the right decisions, one at a time, instead of many. Time shall tell where this path leads and I am grateful to Helm that he is guiding me in the way He is and that I have the support I need, by my side.
swirls in a line
There seems so much that flows through my mind. So much, at times, I am not certain what I was thinking only a moment afore. I hold back most, though I have found one that I can truly speak anything to. Once again I have learned that truth still holds strong.
shakes head and breaths deeply a sigh
I have known this from the beginning, though I admit to having doubts of a sort. Time and distance can change many things. It can change people. It can change the way people react just as the sea changes the shoreline o’er the years. I have seen and experienced these changes quite recently and do not wish to take anything for granted, from anyone. I am overjoyed that it has not in this instance.
I hope to take a trip, soon, to see Wyatt and introduce him. He tells me he wants to know more about my life and those that I spend time with, that I trust. I am certain he shall be received with kindness and caring. I am excited in my thoughts of what we all shall talk about and how all will feel. He is a bit shy around some, uneasy. Though I know there is no reason to be, tis my hope that is not what happens with this visit._
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_*There are blotches upon the page as if the quill had been tapped on it. He looks over the pages reading and then…
I knew what help would be sent. I waited, listening and my help arrived.
swirls line the page as if he is enjoying thoughts
I had been told that I fell due to my lack of faith. Lack Of Faith… Helm knows my faith has ne’er been the problem or He would not have shown His power to me, He would not have sent the friends and encouragements that he has.
drip drip drip of ink
I had been told… I ponder what has happened around me. I had found someone willing to share a life of servitude with me, willing to raise a child with me, and then life and her call pulled her and the child from me. I waited so very long, years beyond what I have seen in most. I began, finally sending messages that stated, I need you, I need you with me, I need my family, here. She says she sent them to the temple. I never received a thing. Three long years and now aft I send the message that I cannot live like this any longer, only aft that does she see the pain I was in. She says she told me our son was still in Narfell, at Spellweaver Keep. In as brief as our last conversation was, I do not remember it as such, though aft so long how anyone can be certain. Now the memories are there though the pain increases at times thinking on what could have been. Should I have gone to Waterdeep as well? How could I miss so much time with my son?
I find joy whence I look at Wyatt. Such startling contrasts in his White hair with Golden streaks, I think he looks like a Celestial, though only by description, as I have n’er seen one personally. Though he is not my blood, we share such parallels, the love for nature and natural things, the desire to see things only heard of, try new things, and find your way in the world. We are very different as well. He loves magic, finds it fascinating, where I find it frightening. He is also a prankster from what I have been told and I have told him that he needs to watch himself. He is indecisive, though I find that common for such a young half elven boy
I have a long sword for him and, as I promised, shall be teaching him how to use it. My sister has offered to help him, as well. I just want him to have possibilities for his life; I want the best for him as any father would. Helm watch o’er him; Your favored; Protect him as he finds his way in this world.
And yet still I more to think on and speak, once the thoughts are a bit calmer?
the quill is laid aside again awaiting the writers hand once more…_
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_Death, Faith, Love, Joy, Pain… I have been thinking about all of these of late.
I have decided on a course of action that I am not certain others will take well. I know of only a small few that shall. I must admit, I do not care of the rest. Time shall tell. I have admitted to myself, I care too much for the wellbeing of all to be as black and white as I have come to find, a Paladin’s code must be. Perhaps, that is why, though I had been warned by others, I was so shocked at the vision. I shall be leading the life of a Helmite and following a new path.
My Lord is watching. I believe it. I felt it while I stood afore Alex and swore my protection and felt his touch again, just aft the icy cold feel of steel running me through. I remember leaving to slay the undead; I was angry, confused and upset. Crushing the undead in Helms name seems to always clear my head. Though, my mentor and I were overcome. I killed the three that surrounded me and turned seeing her fight with grace and strength, then another came from behind and the blood gushed and I charged yelling at it, swinging at it, pulling its focus. I hit it so hard its head almost came unattached, then moved to the side to run in the other direction whence I felt the sudden cold. There was darkness then warmth that flowed through me, a murmur in my ear, and I awoke covered in rags, a tingling all over me and the sound of waves crashing. I could not see, only feel about me, only hear the wind upon the grass. I found my way to the ledge and called out for her… No answer. The old man found me and helped me to his tent to rest until help arrived. I knew I would be found. Not that just anyone would come, twas as if I knew all I needed was wait and help would be sent.
- the quill is laid upon the parchment as if the thoughts were not finished though the writing was thus far… *_
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_My thoughts of what if?, have been pushed back. Dreaming of things at this time is simply not a luxury I have the chance to enjoy. There is so much I need to do to ready myself. Faith and training first and foremost. I need ne'er forget. There is so much I need tend to, get used to. Aft the last outting, I see I have been gone from the field, far to long.
I looked into their eyes, listened silently to their words. They think I was… careless. I was that and more. Angry as I saw the symbols upon their armor. Though twas long ago to some, I fought the thoughts of my brothers falling one by one while my teacher tries desperately to protect them. The rage grew looking at the N'Jast as the thoughts kept running through my mind. Do they know how much I fought within myself to hold. N’Jast, They have no honor, do not meet their agreements. They still would have killed her. I do not know how I know…. I just do. My boiling blood held for as long as it would. Hearing the mace coming down upon the hands so close, my reaction, twas more instinct, than anything else.
Still I was wrong. I put them in danger instead of helping protect them from it. How can I dam the feelings within me? How can I stop the memories that haunt my dreams? Can I stop it by admitting I feel guilty for not being there so long ago? For hiding behind the walls of the Senate?
I am sitting here and as I write I feel the one answer coming to me. I failed and need more training, more time for reorientation of myself to the battlefield and different situations. Only fools rush in… I am not a fool. Another experience I need to put behind me as learned from.
Perhaps once I have learned more, I shall have the chance to dream again. For now, I can not_
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_*sitting in the window sill of his room at the Mermaid, looking out at the comings and goings of the people. He waves to one or more as they pass, when they look up. He sits there with the leatherbound book, just watching, looking down at the book then resuming to watch the people as they pass. From the mirad of expressions some would say he is peaceful, some calculating, still others would say calmed… Those that know him may recognize something that has not been seen in the many years since the war...
He opens the book and runs his hand over the page, the scratching sound seems to only last an instant...*
What if…?
then he lays the book upon the table next to the window and returns to watch the city and its activity pass by, mentally taking notes of all he sees_
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_The writing on this page is not the gentle strokes that would normally be seen. From the look of it, you could think he is hurried, nervous, or excited. Which is still left to be seen
What is it about this time? What is it about the here and now? I have been given such gifts after such challenges and agonies. I am left pondering and… By Helm’s might, I learn my limitations as well. I know I am not making much sense and am trying to write this, that I may find an ease to the thoughts racing through my mind.
Swirls of intricate knots drawn on the page
My mentor has been helping me and as our Gods are allies, I believe, so are we. I trust her. I trust the manner in which she conducts training. I trust her wisdom and yes her talents even with my very life. She found fault in my techniques and stances in battle and is helping me to correct it. Interestingly enough, it seems as her gentle and polite persuasions have not changed and I find myself relaxed and feeling more as if they are encouragements than corrections. It seems to make the relearning? Much easier and I feel the accomplishments strengthening, not only my arm, stance, and swing, but my confidence as well.
Twas my thought that, in speaking of her and our friendship and what has transpired, I would calm within a bit, though it seems that shall not happen, perhaps if …..
A quiet, seemingly innocent man appeared in the commons this past eve. My mentor and I were preparing to leave to the west for some battle testing. He states his name is Alex and that he is a priest of my Lord Helm. I could not believe what I was hearing. Aft a brief conversation he decided to join us. He seems a good man. Young and unsure, though I am certain confidence shall come in time. I am still concerned for he tries, though he knows not much in the ways of Helm and I believe he has confused some of Torms edicts with Helms. I shall be referring him to my mentor, that he will learn better the ways of the priest, as Sigmund is dead.
I shall be watching him and watching o’er him as he wished to speak in private about my faith and how or why Helm turned from me. The conversation seemed well versed and I am a bit more confident with him. I have also sworn another oath, to him, to protect him while he spreads the faith and light about the city. That is two oaths sworn. Perhaps I am mad though I felt a surge of power and strength, as if someone is watching me. I feel as if I am seeing the path and the possibilities… seem unlimited._
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_*sitting by the waterfall, looking over the cliff and watching the sun rise in the east, he shakes his head and looks down at the blank page. His bare fingers touching it then drawing over it slowly. He picks up the quill with, what could be considered, a look of mixed joy and sorrow, perhaps indifference and a smile? The sound of the quill lightly scratching against the parchment begins… *
Helm,
I try to find that place I once was, that drive, and yet I find myself out of practice and unsure upon the field of battle. Have I become so stagnant? I fooled myself into believing that I could simply walk out of those walls, that they did not hold "Me". Instead, I have have been doing naught but hiding. You have given me so much and still I follow what I think I should. Forgive this servant and shine your light upon me as I travel the path you have set afore me. I was a daft fool, though I shall learn from my mistakes.
You have placed those in front of me that know my walls, my defenses, my weaknesses within. I thank you for that my Lord. I ponder if You have had hand in reuniting me with my family, mentor, and those friends that have stayed true. I thank you for your protection and strength, I thank you for your vigilance. May I always be a shining example of You. May you grant me the strength to see it through to the end, no matter where that end might lead.
signed in an eloquent elven hand
You servant, calen
swirls in a line across the page
My mentor has returned and I am so happy. Tis as if a warmth to my heart has returned, knowing that she still believes in me. I remember her teachings. Faith first, Always. I remember her confidence in me. I remember the long talks and the training afore she needed leave. I remember how lost I found myself as my family, teacher, mentor, and friends were taken from me, seemingly one by one. Now one by one… It seems that whence needed most, they return. I find my heart is NOT taken.
My sister is well, strong, and as endearing as ever. I do love her so and tis good to see her and my brother-in-law together. He is so quiet and introverted whence they are apart. I hope to be able to spend more time with them afore she needs leave, though I know that they have precious time together now and I do not want to be the cause of an interruption of that.
I have met a man I need watch, I believe. He seems well enough, though, with the loss of my sight into mens hearts, I shall need be vigilant and observant,for now. I have also met a hin and an elf that I find quite interesting and hope to learn more of. I shall continue to watch them as well. Perhaps we shall .....
scribbles upon the page as if in thought that stop_
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_Looking out over the water then back again, keeping watch, sword across lap and shield slung over shoulder to protect his back, he pulls the worn leatherbound book from his pack and lays the quill upon the parchment leaving an ink spot from holding it there to long, when he come to realize this he begins to write
I think back on how you protected me, from the elements and the people of Tethyr. How you guided my steps and I followed surefooted. She is correct. I can not protect the weak and do what is needed of me by you, if I am confined to the inner chamber of a building. I can not follow your eddicts if I am sheltered from the very people you wish me to watch over. A Helmite is bold and strong, no matter the circumstances; Vigilant and watchful in his observations and assessments; Sure and swift in his duty.
Helm, when did I lose myself from you? I have been thinking much on this, praying much on this, meditating and I have come to realize that you sent the signes long ago, in the friends you knew I would listen to and I let my pride get in the way. I let myself get caught up in the games and trickery of politics. How could I have been so blind?
swirls of ink unerline the last question
No more. My Life Is Yours Again, My Lord Helm. I swear it.
*He closes the book quietly and quickly places the book in his pack, as the soft rain begins to fall. He stands, sure footed and ever watchful over his friend, shield blocking the rain, with care, so that more sleep may be had, at least for now *_
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_It has been a long time since I have seen you or given my thoughts to your pages….
- Calen looks over the old leatherbound journal and hears the creak of the cover as he opens it up. The page edges are worn and, in some places, brittle. he takes a lightly damp rag and gently rubs the rag against the pages with the book closed and upon opening it again the creaking seems to have lessened. He looks down at the second book, laying beside him, the Seal of Helm, emblazoned upon it.
He looks into the fire, upstairs, at the Mermaid Inn. He shakes his head slowly, lowering it. He seems dismayed and talks to himself in hushed tones. Suddenly, the quill touches the parchment and the sound of words being scratched upon the page is all that can be heard in his ears through his focus *
Helm, why is it that you bless me with the feeling of things that others do not understand? I have followed your way, Gaurded the temple, even whence needed to do so alone, protected those weaker than I, even with my own life. I followed your lead. Your way, your light, why does no one understand you as Sigmund did? Triani is gone. The letters are shorter and shorter these days. My thoughts betray me thinking more that she wished to only experience a man and has found the love in her soul, as a mother to Whyat. I asked her for guidance. She told me you would speak to me when it was time.
When it is time???? How can I redeem myself when I know not why you turned from me? I found good in Priestess' heart, long before I knew her to be evil. I found honesty in the Admiral and Captain, to want more than a reputation for their crew. The crew members each having their own aspirations that could be achieved. I was building a shrine to you to shine in the darkness of Oscura, began forming a bond with one in leadership there, and helped with the liberation of slaves. Please Lord, show me how I may find redemtion in your eyes.
- He shakes his head again, sighs, moves to the window and sits upon the open sill, looking out over the commons, then scratching continues *
My disappointment seems to consume at times, then eases, then returns again. I am not resting, at all well, and have taken to prayer more than socializing, as you know , my Lord Helm. You know all, you know the trials and judgements I face.
Go before me, Lead me where you will. I beg this of you…
I have heard she has returned... So many years... I look for her as I walk the commons atween meetings of the Senate. Did you have a hand in this?
- He sets the book aside the bunk on top of his pack and lays back on the lower bunk, the exhaustion finally takes him as does the darkness on the inside of his eyelids*_
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_{the long elegant strokes of the characters show a distinct elven influence in the writing}
it has been months since I have written in this book. with all the training, the needs of protection being met, the continued writing of my lessons learned, I should put it all in once place more often, to have easier access to it {ink swirls}
of Faith
Helm continues to bless me with gifts I did not think possible of a mortal man. perhaps that is why I am surprised with each one? because I am mearly mortal? I wonder at times if He enjoys my surprise and excitement when I find a new gift? does it please Him? {ink swirl like thinking} the lessons I am learning about faith and my Lord grow steadily as questions are asked of me that I have to think about the answers. situtations I am put in, challenge me and test my conviction and thus far I have been successful as Helm seems to strengthen me within. the thoughts of why? though have started to surface. why? does my faith and the place my Lord has put me seem to deter some from me instead of to me. why? do others see those of us called to service as such that are boring and disconnected from all around us?
of Training
I have learned a knew defensive stance and tactics for battle. though my proficiency lacks, my talent for it continues to grow and my knights continued persistence helps. she has been having me spar with others of better skill so that I may learn from them as well. the wisdom in her teaching has begun to show itself as I have found that for different foes I must adapt and change in small ways to better utilize my weapon and shield as well as the overcome the restrictions my full plate armor cause. I am fortunate to have her as a teacher and honored to be her squire. my hope is that with all the training, soon I shall be able to be knighted. perhaps I wish to much to quickly? I do hope not and pray daily that Helm grants me the strength to continue on.
of Love
I have not seen the songstress in months, or is it a year now. no word, no corresspondence {ink swirls then heavy ink like words written very slowly} just like the other. my path seems laid before me and I shall continue on in my service to Him and where He guides me.
of Family
Fayde is nowhere to be found and though my heart hurts from her leaving I can only pray that my Lord watches over her wherever she may be. on a more happy note {inkswirls} I have spent much time with my sister. Yes, sister! she calls me! I have, it seems found a family of sorts! Praise Helm! she and her fiance are quite a pair to watch and be around. they have asked me to be in their wedding party which I of course gratefully accepted. {ink swirls} note : I must figure out a way to carry snowballs !!_
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_of Faith
Helm continues to send people to me to help with my decisions and assist with the consequences of the bad ones. I followed Grag to the Bugbears. I asked him about the them, wanting to know my enemy and what I would face as Helm commands. I must report to my knight what happened and I am ashamed. I pray only that Helms strength is with me when I speak with her and that she will wish to continue with my training.
of Battle
I asked about the bugbears weaknesses and Grags explaination was simple and his confidence in my strength was flattering. the bugbears were stronger than I had anticipated. I should have taken more thought about the enemy and their tactics.The patrol was difficult but I stood my ground until a druid bugbear had me pinned between a tree and Grag himself. I would not have made it back to Norwick if twas not for a ranger?, Druid?, named Star. She saved my life.
of Love
it has been days and aft the last time I saw my songstress, I worry if she will seek me out again. I did not mean to frighten her. She had reacted differently to the first time I kissed her. I opened up to her. showed her when I am playful, showed her my weakness, showed her respect and that i can be delicate and showed her my heartache. was that not what she had hoped for? was that not her words to me? I pray she is safe and Helm and Llira watch over her
of Family
people are begining to ask about Fayde, though I have not seen her in many days. since THAT day. she is strong and knows herself well. Helm watch over you my daughter._
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_of Faith
I had relief for a few hours from the Temple as Just'ene took over the watch for me. My brothers are faring well and improving every day. I am writing about the things I have learned thus far in my training and studying and helping those travelers that are looking for shelter. I pray each day for Helms strength to continue to see me through. I am trying.
of Love
My songstress came to visit me there and brought me food and a lollipop. Twas the first one I have ever had. She needed to show me how to eat it and laughed a little. I do enjoy her smile and look forward to when we can sit toghter again and that I can hold her. I have {scratched out} feelings that are growing for her. I want to show them, though I do not want to frighten her away. I can only wait.
of Family
anger, fear, pain, no regret, no remorse, hate….............. from being locked away for so long seems to have surfaced in my daughter, in Fayde. the lack of contact for so many years leaaves her without basic understandings that she is left to learn that makes her even more angry. I do not know if I can reach her now. I gave her a target in me and now she hates me for it. I can only find comfort in knowing she did not hurt another and end up in jail and in a hole again. I hope one day she will understand. Where is Taria? she could help so much in this. I do not know what to do?
of Duty
The goblin army in the west mountains has grown since last seen. The companions I was with and I were forced to retreat and this time on leaving we found the frozen bodies of three frost giants. There is also a change in the, once empty, town of Ormpur. the undead walk, in two and four legged form. I report it to the Legion. I understand that there is much troubling these lands but our home is in danger now and we need a plan and our forces to stand to defend it. We also have friends that we can call on from Spellweaver. I hope my report is taken seriously_
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_{written in a way that the ink shows this page took a long time to write with smudge and ink droplets in places}
of Faith
My training progresses. I believe my trainer thinks the same. she seems to have much patience with me. That is the good news. The bad is that I needed to leave our last session to defend the temple of Helm in Jiyyd. Snowgoblins attacked the Temple of Helm and killed all but one acolyte inside, then from the destruction outside it would seem they were trying to burn the building down. I have contacted Vroka and she came to the temple and performed the ressurection ritual and with Helms blessing all are resting until they are able to return to their duties at the Temple. I shall be taking on their duties there until their return. These enemies are a threat to All of Jiyyd and its people and I have sent word out of a goblin hunting party aft my duties here at the temple ease.
I have sent a messenger to a small few people including my trainer and hope that she has the time to travel that we can continue forth.
of Family
I have not seen my daughter in many days and pray that Helm watches over her. what has she gotten herself into now? Is she safe? with each patrol I hope to come upon her though each time I feel a little disappointment when I do not find her. she is strong and stubborn {inkswirl}I know she shall return. I hope she will return….......... soon.
of Love
I await the return of my songstress with nervous anticipation. she has admired the clothing miss Lacey peddles through her store in Jiyyd and on a chance meeting with miss Lacey I have aquired a gift I hope shall bring a smile to my songstress' beautiful face._
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_to many thoughts, so much happening, need to rest so I write to not to forget it all that it may help me in the future {inkswirls}
of Faith
Prayers each day, asking to show well for Helm under his watchful eye. within me excitement, anticipating nervousness at such a simple word. the smile it brought me. did I resemble feeble minded man or was seen the commitment, fear of failure, strength in determination? made to think and better for it. Training has started. step forward…......squire {inkswirls turn to drwaings of stars}
I must focus on on my duty to Helm. has he set a task before me? The one lost is now found, the soul returned to a new life revealed. my thoughts in the past vindicated. true, I still do not completely believe. perhaps in time my questions answered and my mind eased. I shall tell the priestess. am not fit to help teach? am I?of Battle
Was sucessful in fight in the front lines for the first part and guard and protect the rear for the second part of the formation on the last patrol into the deep east rawlins. General Lyte commended me on my strengths and tactics. I am proud but know there is still so much to learn. My strengths grow in battle and though Helm has seen fit to bless me with the power to heal, tis only a small gift that I have learned to use only in the most dire of situation. The experience of being able to stand front line and fight, even if for just part of the battle, helps me sharpen skills and my swords swing seem become stronger every day.
of Love
she calls me her soldier boy. hers. my songstress, her smile the way it warmed through the stone that had grown within this chest. I feel it. she combed? played with? my hair with her fingers whilst holding her by the fire. it felt good, different? twas a feeling I can not explain any other way. she is happy for me for my training and knows I have duties that must come first. my hope she knows my heart feelings sincere and from where they come. beauty falls about her. in her bright eyes, soft skin, gentle touch, caring voice, unforgettable skills, and heartmoving talents. when we are able to enjoy each others company tis as the time apart erased, this feeling grows for me and seems to for her. tis my hope{inkswirls to little drawings of flowers}
of Family
she learns faster than I can teach, awareness of everything around. thus far my prayers heard that Helm keep her safe. her heart so big and kind to all. with corruption all around, I worry, but is that not a fathers job? I can not shelter her more than she has been and can only help her along the way. answered questions, even difficult ones. she must be able to make good decisions and learn from mistakes. {note on side of page to thank Ronan and Ah'ria} I have not seen her in many days now. I can only hope she is well and knows she has someone to turn to. {inkswirls trail off with blotch at end as if pen was setting on page to long}_
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{book left open turned to this page in a room that looks like he was in a hurry to leave. the page is written in very elegant handwriting as if he took much time to write it}
_Faith First
I spoke with Sigmund and with his gentle nod and strong hand upon my shoulder he blessed me to continue my training. He gave to me a book to deliver to the one that shall be training me hence forth. I feel stronger knowing I have his encouragement to step forward. He and the knights need to defend the temple and with all that has happened think it better that I receive my training away from the temple in safety, though he wishes my return to be knighted in the temple of my Lord Helm. I have the other instruments that were requested. Now, I rest, here in my room in Jiyyd. I pray and read and clear my mind. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I try to rest though tis slow to come, though it comes none the less, thankfully.
Of Love
My feelings continue to grow for my songstress. We finally had the meal together we had both hoped for. We talked and as we talked the urge to kiss her finally overcame me and it was returned. Twas only upon the cheek though I could no longer help myself. I am learning how a knight should be proper but I enjoy so much more. I want to open up to her and she to me. I think on the words of the wise one and feel my songstress is honest and though my heart is careful I believe she is sincere to her feelings for me as well. I am trusting again what my heart feels and taking that step. I do not believe I shall be able to hold back the gift I have for her whence we meet again. {ink swirls}I hope again is soon.
Of Family
Nothing held but hatred for so long that I could not see anything else. Duty and Helms call that day in the woods changed all of it though I did not know for certain, the extent, until now. I knew I was to follow him. I knew aft arriving here and the people I have met that I was where he wants me to be. I never realized he has also taught me of my heart and the fire of hatred that needed to be put out. I was wrong and perhaps one day I shall be able to return to the forrest and to home I once knew. Perhaps it will be a joyous occasion for all. I have learned as much from my new daughter as she seems to have learned from me. I grow as she does and though I am learning ways to temper my protectiveness of her, we continue to move forward. I was able to sit and talk with the lady she calls mother. Twas a pleasant conversation filled with laughter, concern, agreement, and trust building atween us. I am quite happy we are beginning to understand one another more.
I must rest now before setting out to meet the one who is to train me. Helm watch over me and give me strength. I must not forget the letter for her signed and sealed by Brother Sigmund himself…. {ink trails off}_
{ooc : fixed grammar and a few other things}