Into the Mind of a Priestess
-
I have oft recommended to those who come to me seeking counsel, that relaxation on a regular basis helps not only the body to maintain balance, but also the mind. I have relearned this lesson personally of late.
Such a beautiful place. The sands were soft and clean, the water clear blue and warm, the weather perfect and the company and wine excellent. Well…. at least twas so aft we were ambushed by shadows and greater shadows, though thankfully they did not sway my companion from wishing to swim. Hours passed, turning into an entire day. There were no pressing duties to tend and the frolicing in the water was nothing less than freeing. The laughter was intoxicating as it rang through the clear sky...
I shall have to recall this lesson for myself more oft. Not only was I relaxed, but I slept very well, for the first night in months I was not ridden with the nightmares...
-
I have come to understand that within each person lies both the sway of evil and the sway of good.
I have sat and spoken with paladins of just Gods whose views held taint. I have sat and spoken with some others would deem as evil, yet I find good in their hearts.
Where is the line drawn by which we should judge? Is not selfishness of evil sway? Greed? What of the times I lose patience with someone and snap at them? Is that righteous? No. Yet He does not judge me for it. I am placed here for a purpose… to spread His word and gather others to Him. Being Chosen does not make one perfect. I am far from it, but in watching His example of not judging me for my shortcomings, I find my path.
I am told that I should judge those found to be evil, that I should shun them, yet had I done so, the attonement of one in the past would have ne'er happened. How are we to reach and redeem them if we shun and judge them? Torm Himself spoke His pride in me at a previous attonement ceremony of one whom everyone told me to shun and turn away from.
My path is set by His example and I shall keep it.
-
Such a simple word. Trust. Not so simple in either definition or application. Some believe trust should be extended until one proves they are not trustworthy. Others believe trust should not be extended at all until one proves their worth of it.
I have had a recent conversation of trust. Twas elightening, yet not surprising, their views on what lends to them trusting another. Each person bases trust on something different. To some, their trust is earned by someone standing at their side and proving their friendship for a certain duration. For others, tis fighting alongside of them in battle. Yet to others, tis based on not being readily judged. Personally, I tend to base trust on honesty. I would rather someone differ with my beliefs openly than to sit with me and lie to my face, speaking flowery words of untruth. This is the starting point of trust for me though in considering this recent conversation, I had to ask myself what furthers that trust? This… is a conversation for another time as I wish to hear this person's views as well.
The application of trust is much different than merely verbalizing it. I was placed in a situation most recent where I was given no wise option other than to trust someone with possibly my very life and certainly my well being. This did not cause fear in me, rather I saw it as an opportunity to prove my trust in this person was well placed... and indeed twas. I was left unharmed due to their choice of action.
Choices... mm, yet another interesting topic I should like to discuss with this person. I find that more and more I look forward to our discussions and the gentle prodding of the various questions raised atween us.
A small note is hurriedly written at the bottom
They also have excellent taste in wine...
-
A child. Of all the things…
Concern and perhaps e'en fear was evident in the eyes of the one I mentor as they stated to me there was something I needed know of them.
Tis not at all uncommon for people to come to me for council and as such, I simply listened.It took a bit for them to speak and whence they did, twas blurted out much as if forced by a pent up breath. I sat there stunned. Not because of what was spoken, but because of what was thought of me. It was feared that I would view the news as something negative.. somehow?
How could this e'en be thought of me? Have I not shown o'er and again how precious I believe children to be? Why… how could this have been missed? How could they have trained with me for so long and yet not known what my reaction would be?I assured them that I believed it to be wonderful that they have a child, though on the inside, I felt the sting of their doubt in me.
Is there anyone who truly knows me aside from You? Will there e'er be?
-
I have oft wondered by whose direction the Celestials appear. I still wonder at this.
The one I mentor, sort of, has fallen. We set out to put the rest the undead warriors that walk the other side of where Jiyyd used to be. The battle was intense and we were quickly surrounded by them. One came from ahind me and with a might blow, his large weapon pierced the armor at my back and sunk into the soft flesh aneath. I stumbled, blinded for a brief moment by the pain. Grasping for a potion, I ran from it and drank the potion in time to save my life though the one I was with saw it as their place to step in and gain the ire of the one who followed me. With a might blow, the undead warrior cut him down. I watched in horror as his partially severed body fell to the ground.
I am not one given to anger oft though his fall angered me… more than I can say. With that anger flaring, I headed back into the middle of the battle and ran about, gaining their attentions one by one and pulling them from the others to slay them. Whence all had been slain, I returned to where he fell. Much to my surprise, his corpse was not there. I called out to him both in fear and in surprise. I saw him fall! How could his body be gone? Did they take it? I looked about yet could not find it. I called out again. He did not respond. I asked Torm to keep him safe and to help me find him that I might aid him.
As I stood where he fell, gathering his items with a sense of confusion, the ground began to shake rather violently. I bent forward placing my hands on the ground to steady myself. Whence the ground stopped shaking, a brilliant white light came from the skies. I stood to my full height and squinted to see. To my absolute shock, there stood a Hound Archon afore me. Rubbing my eyes in disbelief did not change him being there. He was brilliant in stature and appearance. I know I must have looked quite the fool as I could barely speak and I cannot e'en recall what I said. He cast a spell I recognized to be Protection from the Elements then turned to me and spoke. Stunned and in awe, I was only able to listen to his words,
"He has returned. Seek him to the west."
Afore I could gather myself enough to speak, the ground began to shake again and he was gone from my sight. He left me with such mixed emotions and so many questions. I have ne'er seen myself worthy of the Celestial's aid and though Torm allows me the ability to call on them, I have ne'er done so. To have one come to me... but who sent him? Who's bidding was he doing? Was it I who was worthy and twas an answer to my prayer... or was it the fallen who was worthy and needed my aid... or perhaps both?
I will likely ne'er know the answers to such questions though I can say that a Celestial came to aid me. What a wonderful blessing!
-
Is it age, experience or a gift from You? I do not know, though I am noticing that the way I interpret things… and people... is changing. I seem to have a more intuitive insight into others at times. Not that I did not have such afore, though it seems to be deepening.
I wonder how many people go out of their way to avoid walking nearby one that is different on the outside. How many people shun them for their appearance without e'er seeing what lies aneath... or what might have caused the differences. Is one of such difference to be feared or abhorred simply based on those physical differences? A lifetime of being treated in such a manner would surely bode ill for the soul. Would it not cause one to lose hope and belief not only in themselves but also in others? Would it not teach them to be cold hearted and judgemental just as they have been treated? Would it not leave them feeling as though they were truly alone and wondering what purpose they might have in this existance?
Is there anyone else who realizes that simply caring about the person within, regardless of their exterior, can make the greatest changes possible in one's life?
I pray You will continue to open my eyes that I might reach others in a manner they have ne'er been touched afore, as Your light... and Your witness.
-
I am quite uncertain what exactly o'ertook me and caused me to make such a suggestion. Thinking back on it, the reasoning I gave was completely sound and makes perfect sense yet I simply cannot believe I suggested it.
I saw an old friend today… one that was much more than a friend many years ago. Twas wonderful to see them again and to know they are well. Much has changed in these lands though I find little change in this person aside from minor changes in their appearance, which is to be expected o'er time. We spoke for some time and the conversation turned to ill happenings in the lands. I have not truly been back long enough to know much about the happenings, though I know one thing... they need be stopped afore all in the lands are threatened by them.
During the conversation as suggestions and information were spoken, I stated something that surprised e'en me. I shant put my words here for obvious reasons though I doubt I shall e'er forget that moment either.
Has my devotion grown that much in my absence, e'en without my knowledge? I am not one to speak out without thought and indeed, twas well thought out... but was it truly my own thought?
She lets the quill lie on the page, glancing up towards the heavens questioningly
-
For so many years, twas a part of me. Something I was extremely proud of. Something I stood for. A people I protected in His name. Twas a source of both joy and pain at times yet twas treasured… so treasured... and though others did not agree, I saw the good. But I also saw the need.
What I have witnessed with my own eyes has brought great pain within me as well as a sense of loss. What I treasured so... what I gave so much of my life and time to... what I was so proud of... and believed in, has fallen. Tis no longer as it was and though it still stands, it stands entirely different, void of what I was so proud of in previous years.
I have asked Your direction and You send me this knowledge. Yes, I see clearly the closed door but in seeing it slamming shut, I also see doors opening all around me.
Help me to choose the right one to walk through...
-
I know not where to begin. Perhaps because it was touched me in a personal way, I know not how to put it into words on this blank page.
I have known many friends in my travels and each has offered different qualities in the relationship we shared. Some seem to have an uncanny ability to care without e'er knowing what the issue is. Such a friend is in trouble… not personally, though their family is being threatened, specifically the life of their child. Why is it evils always seem to target and wish to destroy such innocense?!
The last sentence has been rewritten o'er and again until she nearly wore a hole in the parchment
I feel hurt... deeply hurt for him. Unfortunately, with such a congretation in the commons whence I saw him again for the first time, there was little privacy to speak further on the matter. I was invited to stop by their home... which I did on the way to the Temple. The children are so lovely and in watching their slumber, I found tears filled my eyes that anyone or anything could be so cold and callous as to threaten them.
I have, of course, offered my aid in any manner I am able and of course, my friend has agreed... I do hope the offer is remembered if need be. Sometimes tis easy to forget one's resources whence something so personal is attacked.
Torm... please guard these children, the eldest inparticular. Allow me the wisdom to aid in the determination of how to cease this threat to such an innocent.
-
I have oft heard of those who have runes seeming to be engraved into their very flesh. How odd to see one in action…
the ink trails off afore picking up again lower on the page
He is not a small man and in truth, he appears to be rather strong... or at first glance he did. He states that he is merely a Herald though speaks not what he is a Herald of. The runes cover his face, some being Celestial which I was able to understand though their meaning surely must be coupled with the others that I cannot read.
We traveled together with a small party to the forests near the old gypsy camp. The one I teach was mapping the lands as we traveled. In watching this runed man, I noted a great finesse and strength in battle yet he claims that his aid is next to nothing. Tis one thing to be humble and of which, I approve, though to outright lie about one's abilities? Odd indeed. He is far from helpless as was shown blatantly in battle against the older silk spiders we encountered in our travels.
There is much hidden within him... much more than runes. I have spoken with him briefly, though intentionally kept the conversation cryptic... for now.
Another has fallen. It seems to be a regular occurance of late. Or is it simply the lack of leadership and knowledge of the terrain I find in the lands these days? A hin, a pleasant man... was caught in the webbings of the spiders we battled. I, again, could not reach him as I, myself, was caught in knee deep webbing and battling three of the elder spiders. I wonder, given my inability to reach one who needed aid twice now, is there a lesson I am to learn in this?
I have at last met my mage friend's fiance. She seems a wonderful girl and lovely as well, if not a bit stand-offish. Tis good to see him so happy. His eyes light up whence with her as do hers. Tis obvious their love for one another. Admittedly I felt a third wheel so I did not remain long. I believe her to be good for him and believe she will keep him thoughtful of... and thankful for... for his attonement.
I have no home here any longer and wander from place to place though I am uncertain as to why. Perhaps in my wanderings I shall find where I am meant to be? Though do I seek a sign that will not come? In my travels I simply speak His name and His words to me to others, spreading the name by which I am called to serve. But... is this enough?
-
I have located him, or rather, he has located me… one I used to train and teach so long ago. He looks the same as he did save for the fire being gone in his eyes. He, too, struggles to find his place though for a very different reason. He has fallen to apathy like so many others... perhaps e'en like myself to some degree.
We sat and talked for nigh onto two days. He was slipping into a hopelessness, one I have felt in my own life afore. He was giving up and learning to settle rather than pursuing his dream with the firey will I remember in him. Consequence that my return should be at a time he is falling? I do my best to guide him though my God is not His yet there is no priest or priestess of his God for him to turn to. I correct when he faulters, I lead when he stumbles on his path, I speak to him as a friend during times not filled with mentoring talks. He made an off-handed comment about asking me to be his advisor... is that not what I already am?
The lack of fire in him makes me uncomfortable as it forces me to turn my gaze on myself. Have I grown apathetic and complacent? I have not shared my own doubts and inner turmoils with anyone here, nor do I intend to. To him least of all. He needs strength, someone to come alongside him and offer guidance and friendship, to aid in placing him on his feet again and stoking the inner fire he used to possess. I will be that friend and that mentor and perhaps, as he grows, I will find some of my own questions answers.
I have had the pleasure of not only finding my brother in Torm, but going in an excursion with him as well. I was thrilled to see he is still in the lands and still well! I have missed him so much. He is still as he was. When things become too serious, he lightens them somehow. When the battle is o'er, he has ale for the occasion. He is married now which pleases me greatly. For a long time, many thought that opportunity was gone for him as he had faded from this existance and succumbed to death but our Lord saw enough promise in him to bring him back aft some time had passed.
Orcs... nasty, smelly beings. I traveled with my brother, the mage I have been friends with for so many years and aided in his attoning, the one I mentor along with another who uses a bow expertly and a paladin of Torm who is new to the land. She... is another story for another time. We traveled to the orc caves. Ne'er have I seen such a chaotic mess. As a previous Lieutenant in the Norwick Militia, I am accustomed to highly regimented trips wherein each person has a duty and a place to be. This trip, howe'er, was so chaotic it caused me to call for someone to lead the group. E'en that did not help as more than one of the party were bent on running off ahead of the others or on gathering the loot as quickly as the enemy fell, drawing the attention of other enemies. I was more than pleased when the mage at last just stepped in and took the lead. He has led many excursions I have attended and is worthy of my trust in this capacity. Both his knowledge and ability are an asset... and were again.
We did not, howe'er, escape without casualty. The paladin of Torm fell in battle. Truly, though it saddened me, it did not surprise me in the least. She had been running ahead and leaving the others ahind the majority of the trip. Though I attempted to keep an eye on her knowing the caves were beyond her abilities, I could not keep with her at all times as I had others to heal as well. Blocked by orcs and companions locked in battle, I struggled to reach her. Her injuries were grave and I knew she needed healing or she would fall. Torm's healing magics reached her too late and she succumbed to death. Only by His grace were we able to carry her corpse and belongings back with us. I blessed my brother with an aid to his strength and he was able to bare the burden of her body on the return trip.
Back at the Temple of the Triad, her spirit was called to and she was granted her return to life. The small diamond it cost to return her was a small price indeed to see one of His own returned and given a chance to learn from her grave errors that she might better glorify Him. I am certain that at some point, she and I will have the opportunity to speak together again.
A day or so later, I was sitting with the one I mentor outside of the city walls and we were speaking. A wind tossled my hair and I heard a familiar voice, though twas as if the wind carried the voice. I shall ne'er become accustomed to that spell. The mage's voice in formed me of trouble in the Dock's District and asked for my aid. Both myself and the one I mentor went immediately to the Docks to aid with the trouble.
Upon arrival, the scene was odd to say the least. Several others were standing about on a road and there were ethereal figures afore them, figures that were in battle. Twas as if watching a battle of ghosts, a rendition of the most recent war with the N'Jast. One figure, though, stood out from the rest. Though he was ethereal, he seemed clearer somehow. He approached us and through a short conversation, we learned that he wished us to take him into custody and allow him to surrender. He stated that the others would not allow him to surrender and tis still not certain who the "others" were though tis speculated twas the N'Jast. As we spoke to him, an ethereal bolt came through the air and pierced him in the back, killing him. The bolt came from the N'Jast side of the battlefield, leading us to the believe twas they who would not allow him to surrender. After much speculation and conversation atween those present, twas decided that it might be best to check the war records for any information on the man. Twas further decided that if possible, moving the man next time would be best so that perhaps he might be saved from the onslaught.
Aft witnessing this and being a part of the deliberations, I find it odd how so much can change in a land and yet some things have not changed at all. The apparitions reminded me of previous such scenes that I witnessed long ago in the same city, having to do with a war prior to the N'Jast... odd.
It has been a busy past week and little time has been left for reflection or deep thought. Perhaps I might find somewhere quiet to slip off to for a day or two that I might simply think. The one I mentor... tis not truly what I do with him though tis the closest definition I can find... tells me of how great the need is for my presence as Torm's representative in these lands. I do not know. Torm seems better represented here now than He was upon my departure. Perhaps there is more he sees that I do not. Time shall tell.
-
What is a friend, I ask myself. Is it someone who is there for the good times but shies away from the bad? Is it someone who gives you gold and gifts? Is it someone who insists on knowing things you do not wish to share? Perhaps someone who fights at your side against the enemy?
I always thought I knew the true definition of "friend" and have always strived to be one to those who needed it. To me, friendship is understanding when one does not wish to share something. Tis being there at their side, e'en if no words are spoken. Tis knowing when something is amiss with them, realizing that something is not right and perhaps e'en stating it to the person you befriend. Tis entirely different from being a comrade. Tis entirely different from fighting against the enemy at one's side. Those things do not go nearly as deep as friendship. A friend has a genuine interest in one's well being and does not give up when they run up against a wall.
In the short time since my return, I have had someone tell me they were a friend yet not understand me at all. Not at all. I have also had another approach me and tell me they are concerned by the changes they see in me… and spend hours speaking with me in attempt to understand the changes they perceive to be there. This person seems to have an insight into me that leaves me a bit unbalanced. They see things in me that e'en I, admittedly, do not see and they are not afraid to express their concern. Nor do they "dismiss" me whence I do not respond in a certain manner or in an expected manner. E'en if their perceptions are incorrect, is this not true friendship? I am blessed to have at least one true friend here. How I wish I could answer their questions more honestly... how I wish I knew the answers.
-
So much change lies around me. People have changed, their titles and positions have changed, the very land has changed. I sat alone today on a hilltop and watched the comings and goings of the people in this town I once called home. So many I have ne'er seen afore. An opportunity to reach them for Him or a sign I no longer belong?
My life has changed so much. I remember the person I was and how I used to laugh. For the most part my heart was at peace and happy. As I recall this "me" from the past, I compare her to the person I am now and I am left to wonder who this new person is and where and why the other has left me. I am no stranger to sacrifice. I have sacrificed more in my life than any other human will e'er know… more than e'en I wish to admit. But to what avail? So that I become like the others who so readily judged and shunned me upon my arrival here? That is simply not acceptable to me yet I wonder if tis the burden bore by those who are called. Still, if tis so, why has it taken so long to show itself? If I must sacrifice e'en the very person I am, why was I chosen? Was I not close enough to His heart to be called by Him? I do not care for this new person within me. I have so many questions and nearly no answers at all.
Change... the land, the people, the laws, the structures, the titles... yet I cannot allow myself to change for in doing so, I bury the very person He chose to serve Him. I know not how, though I must fight this with all I have left within me.
-
I wandered the lands alone today looking for some sort of recognition in this place I once called my home. So much has changed here since the war. The terrain has changed drastically and although once a Lieutenant in the Norwick Militia, one very familiar with the layout of Norwick lands, I can no longer find my way around. The southern gates are still present though even the town itself has changed. Still, it seems to have changed less than the rest of the lands. The path to Peltarch is desolate and unrecognizable, the snowcapped hills gone… as are the hobgoblins that once pestered travelers. Peltarch itself is no more than what I would define as the beginnings of a city with unpaved streets and crude buildings. E'en the Temple has changed greatly. The one change I notice that seems positive is that there is more nature in the once stone city now.
There are a few dots of ink where the quill was held o'er the page in thought, the writer staring out into the distance at a landscape she no longer recognizes. With a heavy sigh, she takes quill to parchment again
I recall so many things here from the past. Feelings, events, people, battles, but ne'er do I recall feeling lost here afore. I always knew my purpose... HIS purpose... for me here. It was as clear in my mind and heart as the anything had e'er been. I ask for guidance... for His wishes... but there seems no reply. How am I to interpret His silence? Have I made a mistake and gone astray from His wishes in returning to this land I no longer know?
People... I have seen two that I knew, one that I knew well though e'en he has changed. I suppose this should not surprise me given the length of time I was away yet somehow it still does. The other seems to have grown a bit more settled though was still his normal, cheery self.. a nice consolation amidst the change I struggle to accept and acknowledge. There are some I look forward to seeing... one who shares my faith and my passion for the milita and one who I mentored long ago. My prayers are that they are well and in tune with their Gods' wishes.
As for me, I know not where I belong any longer, a feeling that is most unpleasant and unnerving given my calling. I recall so many things here from the past. Feelings, events, people, battles, but ne'er do I recall feeling lost here afore. I always knew my purpose... HIS purpose... for me here. It was as clear in my mind and heart as anything had e'er been. I ask now for guidance... for His wishes... but there seems no reply. How am I to interpret His silence? Have I made a mistake and gone astray from His wishes in returning to this land I no longer know? Does His wish me to take on my prior role and continue to pursue His wishes from afore? I simply do not know though I pray with all of my heart that He reveals it soon afore these feelings of being so lost take o'er and...
-
Much time has passed since I have written here and much happened and changed.
The stone I was given as a child has turned out to be a God’s Puzzle. Something that little is known about, mostly tales. Someone is helping me learn of this item though thus far, nothing we have learned from the folk lore has applied.
The one whom so many call evil has turned from his ways. He asked me to guide him in his attonement and I have done so. I have seen such a change in him and it makes my heart smile each time I seem him display his newfound heart. I am so proud of him as he still faces much verbal abuse from those who would continue to judge him without the facts, yet he continues to stand strong in heart and keep his focus on the decision he has made. I have recommended him to the Chancellor of Norwick for an official position. The Chancellor has agreed and has spoken with him and the final word is pending. Twill be a joy to work with him and continue to watch him learn and grow in his newfound faith.
Speaking of Norwick, much to my surprise, I have been promoted to Senior Guard in the militia. Tis a wonderful opportunity to further serve Torm and I shall do all I am able to tend to it to my greatest ability.
The obyrith we faced has been slain though tis suspected that it was only removed from our plane. The old man is still affected greatly by it and it seems he refuses to turn away since the demon has him convinced it is a God. I am near certain Norwick will sentence the old man to death given his crimes of slaying 12 people. I continue to visit the Shrine of Lathander, asking the Morning Lord to cleanse the old man from the demon’s taint so that at least his soul will be free if he is executed.
On a personal note, the one I was promised to I are no longer together. We remain close in that we share much along with many memories. Our paths have indeed taken different directions as I had so greatly feared yet it has all turned out well. He has moved on to find another love and I pray daily for his happiness. I, too, have moved on to find another love. One that has taken me quite by surprise as it seems to have snuck up on me rather than hitting me like a whirlwind as the previous one did. He has been there for a very long time, always at my side, always supporting me, yet I did not see it… or perhaps I did not allow myself to feel it. Our duties are aligned and our goals the same even though we will serve it different capacities. He is steadfast and loyal, handsome beyond words and strong in heart and body. My only concern for our future lies in the fact that he is also of a status far beyond my own in his homelands. He assures me regularly that I shall do fine yet I wonder. We have spoken of our future together many times. He wishes five children which overwhelms me. Perhaps I am simply not ready for the commitment of children yet as I still have much work to do here. We have spoken of a home and locations for one. Our relationship is moving forward quickly and I find myself nervous. We are currently formerly courting as his father would require. The next step is engagement. I know this is forthcoming and not in the too distant future. He is a wonderful man and one I can envision spending my life with. I truly love him, still I am nervous about trying to fit into his world.
A second request for knighting in the Order has been sent by my mentor. I have heard no word back on this as of yet.
I shall write more as time allows.
-
Change. Changing. So much change has taken place around me. People I have known are changing both for the good and for the bad. Changes are taking place within me as well. I am no longer the child afraid to speak her mind. I no longer doubt my beliefs of what is right and wrong. I know now without doubt where I am to be… and why. I no longer cry over the hurtful actions of others, those who would openly lie about me in attempt to stop my progress, those who would deceive me, those who claim and promise many things I know shall ne’er be delivered. I no longer rely on others for my own happiness. This I find comes from within me and tis something no other can take nor touch lest I allow it. I find great happiness in a place of service. Tis as it should be. A child’s teary eyed embrace upon their realization that I understand their fear. A superior’s smile when I have performed well. Watching a recruit I worked with progress and stay alive in a large scale battle. A friend’s whispered words spoken in trust and confidence. People are realizing that I am trustworthy and although tis not always an easy path, tis one that holds great rewards. Yet with all of the change taking place, there is still so much more needed.
Celestials and demons battle in these lands. Such great battles that they light up the skies in a flurry of brightness clashing with darkness. My strength grows and Torm allows me a higher level of power that I might be more useful. Still I train endlessly, striving with blade and divine power to be e’en better. I strive to remember that what He allows me is not my own and that tis to be used wisely for His purpose. Humility in service.
Bickering. I have ne’er seen so much childish bickering anywhere in my life. People completely lose sight of the full picture and focus on their own selfishness consistently. So many here wish to be the center of attention when working together would bring about much better results in a much faster manner. They intentionally withhold information from each other. This baffles me. Who in these lands has a wish to die? None that I have found. Yet by withholding information from each other they run this exact risk. Death. They give the enemy the advantage. They further make a mockery of the very Gods that work together as a team. Yet these same people who do this will stand in open judgment of me without as much as speaking to me that they might have actual facts instead of unjustified opinions. Truly, I must learn where they purchased their all knowing crystal balls and get one for myself. Childish behavior indeed, born of sheer insecurity. Further baffling to me is that no one seems willing to counter these individuals. Are they all brainwashed into believing that one person is so valuable that they are worth not standing together as a land? Are they brainwashed into believing that these individuals are Gods? None the less, they shant stand in the way of my purpose that Torm reveals to me. Tis He whom I serve and only He who truly knows my heart.
There are exceptionally good people here as well. People that realize that change is only effected with time. People who realize the long term goal rather than short-sighted self centeredness. Although few, they are strong and tis these I work along side of in service.
Oddly enough, in stark contrast with the others, these people are quiet and tend not to judge others. Tis truly ironic and nearly comical.You have laid this path afore me and set me to this work for You. Bless what we do in Your name that all may see Your wonder, Lord Torm.
-
Choices… indeed how interesting that this very topic is what a conversation with the Magistrate and Priest of Torm turned to.
Everyone makes choices. Everyone. Some made are wiser than others. Some are more selfish. Some are based on full knowledge and some are based on gathered opinions of others.
I have made many choices in my life. I have chosen, ultimately, to follow Torm wherever He may lead and regardless of what others may say, He does lead me and reveal things to me in regards to where He wishes me to be…in many areas.
I have made some choices out of ignorance. Ignorance that has since been replaced with knowledge. The same ignorance that a child possesses, a lack of understanding, knowledge and experience…a lack of wisdom. A child lives often in a fairytale where there are no real consequences for wrong choices they may make. They learn by exploring and making mistakes. They learn by listening to the opinions of those they trust and love. I did ask. I did listen and I have, with much time, learned, but I am no longer a child and I am now faced with the consequences of righting these choices I have made in ignorance. I shall do so as tis all I can do now to ensure I remain on a path that will allow me to serve Him fully…a path filled with the possibility of a lifetime of opportunities for service.
Torm grant me the strength to see this through in the wisest way possible.
-
So much is happening…changing. Choices are made based on one’s beliefs or on what lies in their heart. I question my choices regularly. Too often perhaps, though given the time I have spent in prayer asking for guidance, can I ignore the signs I am given?
I have surely built some solid friendships in these lands. Friendships that I know shall not fail me when the time comes. These I do not question. They are solid and the trust is well placed. I am cautious in whom I truly place my trust. There are many here who can be trusted with only so much knowledge and information and I have learned who they are and continue to learn.
I am now a recruit for the Norwick Militia. Certainly this has been a draining, exhausting and painful venture thus far, but it has also been rewarding, even worth it. Much is expected of those who will defend Norwick and much is what I have given and will continue to give.
Celestials have come to the aid of Norwick. They were first seen not long after I joined as a recruit. Though surely I am not the reason they are here, I take this as a sign that indeed I am on the right path in being here in service. Twice now I have had the privilege of working with them. The first time twas only one. The second time twas two. They are…wonderous, beautiful and awe striking beings. Their very presence is prove positive that the Gods of good faiths are listening to the pleas for help from those who follow them tirelessly. It is said that there are seven of them altogether though thus far, to my knowledge, only two have been seen. They fight with a righteous wrath against the demons and the demon tainted goblins that inflict Norwick and threaten her safety. They have asked us for aid. Us! Common folk for the majority. Should we not be thanking them for their very presence?!
I oft find myself challenged in regards to loyalty. Torm…the Loyal Fury. Very loyal, ever true. Loyal first to Faith, second to Family which I have none here, third to Masters which I do now have and fourth to Those of Good Heart. Loyal. To whom do I truly owe this loyalty and for what reasons? Tis obvious in regard to my Faith. My loyalty to Torm is first and foremost, to see to His mandates and His wishes for me. Family…whom is family? I left my family a long time ago. Am I to consider those I am close to here family? Or perhaps those I have come to love? Loyalty. How far should it go? Does it extend to all physical actions as well or only some? The mental is easier understood. If I find I have chosen the wrong path and must redirect myself, is that the same as being disloyal? Will it be viewed as disloyalty? Most likely as most do not realize the things I am shown. It becomes quite a burden to bear to realize that should I make a misjudgment in my life and have to correct it, it could well be seen as disloyalty. People are so judgmental and they certainly judge without having all of the facts. I suppose time will tell if indeed I have made a misjudgment and should Torm reveal to me that I have, I will trust Him and follow the path He sets before me.
-
Many men here would seek my attentions. One of them, a young Priest of Torm, brother of the Priest of Torm we aided in Norwick, has gone so far as to have a sword custom made for me.
It is truly beautiful and magically enhanced, a greatsword as is Torm’s favored weapon. Made of silver and engraved, I have found it a most worthy ally in battle. I was stunned to receive such a gift as I had only met the young man but once and little time was spent together then. He seems to be devoted, yet somehow seems to lack the wisdom that Priests normally have. He ne’er even asked of me if there was anyone I was involved with. He now understands that I am spoken for and yet he still wished me to keep the weapon. In fact, he insisted that I keep it. I have done so and told him that upon my death, the weapon is to be returned to him.
The Priest of Torm, a member of the militia in Norwick… engaged to a woman who works in the apothecary. He is a good man and it seems we have much in common in our backgrounds yet I wonder if he is making the right choice in his marriage. I have seen him on more than occasion quite taken with a Sunite Priestess. Although this is generally typical male behavior as the Sunite women tend to bare themselves, this seems to be different. He is indeed taken with her physical beauty, though I have seen him spend much time with her in conversation as well. I pray that Torm will guide him and give him the wisdom to remain loyal, as is our Lord.
In speaking with this Priest the other day on a hill not far from the bonfire in Norwick, a large black cat seemed to appear from nowhere. He was as black as a starless night sky and his eyes seemed the same color making them difficult to see. He did not seem to pose a threat, rather stood there watching us as if listening to our conversation. I carry no meat in my pack so I took out an apple and laid it on the grass for him. He took the apple and flopped onto his side, biting and pawing at it playfully. It was quite cute to watch. When he finished toying with the apple, he nudged it back to me as if returning it and leaped over the fence, disappearing from sight. We thought little of it, assuming it was perhaps some mage’s familiar.
Only a couple of days later on that same hill while speaking with the knight warrior, the same cat appeared again from nowhere. I offered the apple again, though this time he did not seem to wish anything to do with it. So I lowered to my haunches and spoke to him, “What are you doing here? Have you an owner somewhere about?” Much the surprise of both the knight warrior and myself, the cat spoke in plain common, “No owner.” Upon regaining my composure, I questioned the cat further and asked if he was someone’s familiar. He was offended by this, stating he was not a pet. I apologized for my lack of knowledge of the arcane, something I fully intend to study further in the future. I further questioned him on how he was able to speak with us. Twas not a druid, as he stated that druids cannot speak in animal forms. He told me, bluntly and rather rudely, that I was asking obvious questions that had obvious answers. Again, I apologize for my lack of knowledge though his attitude was not appreciated. He was arrogant to say the least. I managed to learn from him that he, as he stated, “A part of someone who knows me” and that he is there because he is watching me. The knight warrior and I stood in silence for a moment and the cat looked between us and stated, “If you are just going to stand there and stare at me, scratch my back,” and then moved to me so that I might do so. I told him at this point that I found him rude, arrogant and obnoxious and asked if he was always this way or if something was bothering him. He countered with, “you did not find me such the other day.” I stated to him that the other day he was fun and playful and well mannered and this time, he was quite different. He then made a statement that revealed his true personality. He said, “I grew tired of the façade.” When I questioned the reason for his watching me, he told me not to flatter myself thinking that I am something special, that I am not the only one he watches. I told him I had not assumed such, I merely wished to know why he watches me. His answer came as a surprise at first, though aft a bit of thought, it made more sense. He stated plainly to me, “You are a threat. That is all I will say.” In pondering his statement and reason for watching me, I countered with, “I am only a threat to those of evil heart and intent.” I then stated, “Perhaps you are servant of Malar then.” He did not respond, he merely disappeared as quickly as he had appeared in the first place, leaving me to wonder about the possibilities. I am clearly being watched and if indeed he views me as a threat, that would indicate that he or whom he works with is of evil persuasion.
I find it most ironic that this happened soon after I was asked to help someone atone. Further irony is found in the fact that the one I was asked to help is a mage. These cats are oft used as mage’s familiars.
I have spoken with my mentor of this and he has agreed with my thinking that tis indeed possible. He has asked of me what action I will take and I have stated that I will continue my duty as is mandated by Torm. He has agreed and stated that I should simply watch and learn for now, which I fully intend to do.
Torm grant me the wisdom to see the truth behind this creature’s words and intentions.
-
So much has happened and so many things are changing. I become nigh onto overwhelmed at times in attempt to keep up with the various troubles in the different areas of this land, not to mention the politics that differ so greatly from locale to locale. So many people are in need of aid yet who is truly aiding them? Oh certainly the politicians and militia men do their best to keep their respective areas safe and free from trouble, but who is truly aiding the citizens? Who is there to help the widows and children with the loss of their husbands and fathers? Who is there is help the lucky few who may be raised to deal with what they went through when death found them? I have thus far seen one and only one official in any area aid someone they did not know in Jiyyd. This official, a large half-orc, brought food to one who was hungry. How many more do not receive such gifts or are not even noticed?
Death has come again and again and again, this time it came for me. I have at last met the succubus the one I am promised to spoke of. Odd, I did not even find her attractive yet she stands there with devilish eyes flashing, attempting to take memories and power from those who would barter with her. I would sooner remain in the fugue forever than to barter with such a being. Though she was not the only one who attempted to get me to barter with them. A balor as well. Sulfa on his hot breath, he spoke as though he actually had some hold over me. I wonder how many fall to their ploys? He too was turned away as I knew in my heart that if Torm wished me to continue my work, it would not be through barter with such wicked creatures. My prayers were indeed answered as the knight warrior and a dwarven Priest of Moradin found my body in the swamps and returned me to the healing shop in Jiyyd to have the ritual performed that called my spirit back to my body. Twas odd to hear a voice calling to me that I did not recognize, calling for my return, telling me twas time to come back. Experiencing the displacement of death to begin with, then the sudden pull of my spirit from one plane to another, left me weak and physically drained. I simply do not understand how so many get up and go about their business immediately aft experiencing this. I was disoriented, tired to the bone and uncertain of even my own steps for some time aft I was called back. Thank Torm for the knight warrior who never left my side, cared for me and seemed to understand what I was going through somehow. He even managed to gather nearly all of my belongings while under attack by a troll who pursued them clear into Jiyyd.
Only a day later while in aid to the Norwick militia and a Priest of Torm in battling back goblins that were attacking, the knight warrior fell. A druid whom I have grown to respect and care for carried his body while changed into a bear form. She trudged on for miles seemingly without tiring. I watch her in amazement at times and wonder if people realize how much they owe to the druids. Even those who reside in large cities will at times, “travel to the wilds for peace and quiet to get away” with no thought as to how those wilds seem to magically keep themselves balanced. His body was taken back to the apothecary in Norwick where the ritual was performed by the Priest of Torm we were aiding to call his spirit back. How I wished to be there for him as he was for me, to comfort him and aid him in reorienting himself. He was surrounded by people and safe, those about him caring for him and though it hurt to realize it, I had to step back knowing that twas not my place to do so as I am promised to another. Upon seeing the ritual completed, I left the apothecary and found a quiet place to ponder and pray.
Some time later, I have again witnessed the fall of the one I am promised to. He fell to several of the best trained warriors the hobgoblins have to offer. He fell in attempt to save my life. Twice I had fallen to the ground gravely wounded and twice he had managed to heal me and tell me to run. The first time I attempted to run, a blade caught me in the back and tore me open. I fell to the ground and again, he healed me telling me to run. Disoriented and bleeding profusely, this time I managed to get away only to hear his cries to help as he fell. I was helpless to aid him, nigh onto death myself. I managed to chant a healing spell before they laid chase after me. I ran down the ridge and along it, leading them in a circle until I reached the next plain where I had lost them. Kneeling in prayer, already tired, bloody and filthy, I asked Torm’s aid for the task that lay ahead of me. Rarely do I call upon those on the celestial plane for aid, yet I knew I could not do this alone for as soon as I stepped back into sight, there would be at least 4 of them awaiting me. Calling as many of Torm’s blessings as I could and asking for the aid of a celestial ally, we turned back and began to battle. Four of them stood before us. My ally felled the first as my blade swung true and felled the second. The celestial’s time was gone and it was called back to its home plane leaving me to stand against two more of their strongest warriors. I swung at one of their necks at the same time the other’s blade nearly ran me through. I stumbled backwards and turned and ran yet again, giving me the opportunity to cast a healing spell afore having to battle them further. At last, they were felled. I made my way to the top of the ridge in prayer the entire time, knowing that I had to get his body back to Norwick where I had seen my mentor and knowing many more of the hobgoblins would litter the pass I had to travel.
I gathered his body, tears filling my eyes and my legs barely holding up beneath the weight. Calling the blessing of Torm’s strength to aid me, I trudged along the ridge though could only move at a slow pace. At the other end more awaited. I assessed them from above and they seemed to have an evil smirk as though they already knew the disadvantage they had me at. A quick inventory of my potions had told me I would have to battle them on faith. “No choice, you must trust,” I whispered to myself. The cold was bitter against my face where the tears were falling. I managed to continue on through the snow, my feet digging deep holes from the weight I was carrying. Down the ridge I went, slowly, burdened. There were two and they saw me before I managed to get to the bottom. Blocking as best I could with my sword, I deflected both of their blows but was not able to strike back efficiently. I had to lay his body down behind me so that I could guard it with my life but this gave them the opportunity to attack from behind. Luckily only one blow landed and the other missed. I turned back and cried out to Torm, my pleas echoing through the ridge. Battle continued, the snow tainted red with their blood and mine. Dizzy and weak, I pulled a potion from my belt quickly and drank it. My sword struck true and one was felled, the other was stumbling from his wounds. I needed only the strength for one more blow and it was granted me, a blow so powerful it sent the body of my foe flying backwards from the force. I stumbled a bit from the force of the swing, blood running from my arm, my side and my leg. The cold seemed to stop the pain a bit though twas still very present.
Gathering his body to me again, I descended the ridge and turned to enter the final plain where I knew I would have to battle. I had hoped to escape without it by sneaking through the valleys near the gypsy camp. Torm saw fit to test my faith further and I answered. As I came close to the valley, there were four of them, all magic users, directly above where I had to pass. Twas deep in the night and difficult to see, leaving me to wonder if perhaps there were more than I saw. I closed my eyes and knelt in prayer asking for the blessings and strength to see me through this last battle. Rising and again calling upon Torm’s strength to aid me, the weight did not seem so heavy and I was able to walk forward at a normal pace. I ascended the hill where I had seen the four, prepared for a battle with odds in their favor yet holding strongly to my faith. Two of them saw me, then all four. They began chanting their evil magics in attempt to lower my strength for battle. Again I cried out to Torm and laying the body down, I set to battle, slashing wildly at them, my sword landing true as I spun in the circle when suddenly three of them turned and ran. The last was finished with some ease and when I turned to ensure they had not run off to get aid, out of breath, tears streaming down my face and drained of too much blood to continue on, there stood a gallant warrior battling them. His force was unbelievably strong and he downed them quickly with little effort. I stood in amazement at the blessing that had been sent to me when suddenly he lunged towards me with his sword bared, the blade barely missing me and as I turned, I saw the hobgoblin fall to the snow in a puddle of its own blood. The few words he spoke told me who this warrior was beneath his helm and only then did I realize the full blessing that had been bestowed on me. “You should watch your back,” he stated. Twas the voice of my mentor, a Priest strong in Torm. He took the body I had been carrying and escorted me back to Norwick where he performed the prayers and ritual for calling the spirit back. In shock from my journey and amazement of the answered prayer, I sat silently on a cot in the apothecary simply watching him and wondering if he knew how much of an answer to prayer he was. The spirit returned to the body of the one I am promised to and he stood to his own feet before me crying out, “You are alright!” He then embraced me tightly, overjoyed that his sacrifice had indeed saved my life though unaware of the wounds I still had. I gave him some clothing and my cloak as he was also seemingly unaware that he was naked. My mentor insisted that no payment was necessary for the ritual performed though I know the reagent involved and the cost of it. One day I shall find a way to repay him for all he did. He then escorted us back through the pass in order to gather the belongings of the one I am promised to. It was a blessing to fight at his side and to see the power Torm grants him in battle, though I was completely dismayed to see the one I am promised to take a weapon from one of the fallen hobgoblins and join in the battle as if nothing had taken place. We managed to take them all down and all of his things were gathered. At the south entrance to Peltarch, my mentor left us with few words though we both thanked him again with all of our hearts.
Remaining there for a moment, we spoke of what had happened and of the sacrifice he made. I wonder if he truly realizes it was an unnecessary sacrifice had he only looked to see what we were up against afore drawing their attention. Exhausted and still injured, weakened from loss of blood, the cold and emotional drain, my legs gave out from beneath me and I found myself in the snow. He helped me up and we went back to the Mermaid where rest could be had by both.
Perhaps Mielikki will teach him to be more cautious. If not, Torm grant me the strength of will, heart and body to accept and handle what may come.