15 years ago
<u>ACT 4, Scene 1.
“Carpe tartem”</u>
Gastrognome and Senatorial Gnominee Perriwig P. Doubleday brings his sweet-toothed election campaign to its end by delivering a cavalcade of speeches in each of the city’s three districts – even chancing his not-inconsiderably long gnomish nose by taking his message into the heart of the Civic District that he has been cheerfully bashing over the past few weeks. As a precaution against the risk of thrown fruit & vegetables, he saves the swankiest of the Peltarch’s neighbourhood. The risk is not your paltry rotted Docks tomato of course, or sticky Commerce apple, the Civic snobs would probably only lob their over-ripe avocadoes at objectionable gnomish yobs in their midst. Whether uttered from the rant stand or atop a Icelace-waters edge soapbox, Perriwig’s peroration in all three places more or less sticks to the following version, which he gleefully delivered in the Commerce District. Again, his arcane advisor Caramella Bestefaren is clearly at work, having cast an empowered Eagle's Splendour on the gnominee before he opens his mouth in public…
“Good people of Peltarch, our nation of simple Fisher Kings and Queens – let me first thank you! Thank you for listening to what I’ve had to say over the past days and weeks and minutes and hours! Our campaign will soon be at an end. No longer will it be a story of hearty Heffa against iniquitous John Isle, robber John against Eerie Enny Snydders, sorcerous Snydders against the wholesome and upright gnomish gentleman you see before you. Now, its YOUR recipe for the making! We’ve given you your ingredients – your candidates sweet, your nominees sour – your sugar-dusted promises, your light or generous portions of policy. Now the cake is yours for the baking! I say, the perfect mix is Perriwig P. Doubleday! The ONLY way to get a rise out of the Senate House!”
“Here are my policies. Tax the rich, and invest that wealth in a labour for the WHOLE city, not just the Docks, or Commerce or Civic. Turn that money into wood, that wood into boats, those boats into jobs, those jobs into a decent livelihood for you and YOUR family! Peltarch owes its brave citizens this much. Some have spoken out against the proposed tax. Senator Fishy-Fish Fisher thinks he and his caviar cronies will have their roast swan snatched from their mouths! Don’t they see? Invest in the city, invest in Icelace trade, invest in rebuilding Peltarch’s GLORIOUS navy of days gone by – we will ALL be able to work more SAFELY, trade more SURELY! In short, there will be a decent dinner for all families, whether they break bread together in Commerce, Civic or Docks! I say that YOU should sit in judgement over your peers on CITIZEN juries – and take back the government of the People by the People for the People which Tidus the Fisher King intended for Peltarch! I promise to support individual CONSCIENCE so YOU decide where to trade, where to work, how to earn your crust for those you love!”
“Others tell it different. Hearty Heffa is a goodly chap. I have only respect for the dwarven gentleman! But I respectfully disagree with his priorities – first sail the Icelace blue! He is a dwarf, my codlings, he can’t HELP thinking in terms of stone! I tactfully remind Heffa that Peltarch is the Jewel of the ICELACE! Not the Gem at the Foot of the Giantspires! Navy first, towers later!”
“You will all be aware by now, I’m afraid, of the scandalous allegation made by scurvy senatorial nominee John Isle against honourable candidate Snydders. I distance myself from his remarks altogether! Whatever Eerie Enny’s past, I’m sure that the life-extending potions he has been brewing to keep himself alive were absolutely NOT necromantic in nature! Whatever his unorthodox arcane hobbies, it is none of our business insofar as he observes Peltarchian law. I’m sure if you elect him to the Senate, he will focus all of his efforts on delivering his promised policies - having no time to spend rustling up vials of death-defying gloop. I’m certain that we shall see his Lordship ageing naturally again, as Chauntea intended, if you vote him your senator.”
“That being so, I strongly urge the scallywag candidate Isle to retract his defamatory remarks at the gallant warlock’s expense, post haste, before any other innocent member of the electorate get wind of this wholly private matter. I repeat, I believe that Snydders is an honourable man! In office, he will do exactly what he has promised to do – serve the old style GUILDS, as THEIR representative in YOUR government, serving only their material interests!”
“Now is the hour to choose, beloved Citizens of my fair City! I have lived among you all my days! I have your best interests nurtured like a sunflower in my big gnomish heart! I’ve told you what I honestly think, I’ve made my case. I humbly invite you in this beauteous and happy twilight of the campaign, as your make your considered citizen’s choice – Vote Perriwig if you share my vision for a city where each and every one of us has the dignity of a free and fair life, as Tidus’ intended! Vote for Perriwig for a People’s Champion! Vote Perriwig for a Local Choice!”
“Perriwig for Peltarch, this gnome’ll make it so!”
