Notebook of Any Wogshurgh
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I have always thought of jornals as tiresome annoyences that people write in to amuse themselves. And in my current state, seems i am needing one.
However, the real reason i write one, is with ecerything going on in my life, i was adivsed by a complete stranger that if i was having troubles, to write them down. And so i thought what is the worst that could happen. In which i genrally thought of the very possible siuation of Melanie taking it and reading it out in the Peltarch market place. I guess i just won't tell anyone about it.
My life at the moment is in a very large mess. Well, thats not exactly true, my life is messed up by one very large thing. The possible threat of doing something leading to a chain reaction leading to the death of the entire land. Of corse i talk of the green eye of the idol of Popatlac, in which i have been carrying for near enough two years now. Recently Zoma informed me that since he was carrying the blue eye, that he had been seeing an oracle, who told him i would give the green eye to a women, who would give it to him, and which would somehow get to the idol which would bring back the dammed monkey god and who would take Zoma's body .. My exact words to hearing this: "Fun eh?".
What makes this worse, is the way i am being "drained" by the eye i carry. I feel weak and tired constantly, hence why i have the time to write this. Few know what is really happening, and i feel it best to keep it this way. And most of those who do know righly whats happening dont know the full story, only those who are close to Zoma, my love Xol, and my sister Bryn i dare trust with such a grave matter. Although i would likeley tell Mel, but Zoma has made me promise not to.
Apart from by role in possibly destroying the world, my life could be worse. I mainly am around the camp, helping to try and reform it abck to its old self. This keeps me occupied, and for the most part happy. And on the side of this, my faith and the guardians keep me occupied. Although, most of the more physical work of this i try to shy away from.
And up untill recently, i have been trying to improve my crafting, but a week or so back, i was kicked out of the union. This i cant help but feel is unfair. After everything i done for them, the union shuns me. When Dwin asked me to fake leaving the union and joing the confederation i thought it ment i was trusted by him. I was publicly hated by most of Narfell for doing this, but i didnt complain once. I can't help but feel annoyed by Dwin's decison. But as always, a brave face will put me through things.
The only other major thing i have is trying to spend time with Xol. I have so little time to spend with her, especilly of late. Whenevr we have the time to be together, something always seems to come up, something blowing up or Gaurdian buisness. I just can't help feeling annoyed at myself. I am to marry her, and yet i can rarley spend a day or so with her. ALthough, whenever i do anything, she is always on my mind. I just hope she understands.
Anyways, that filled up a good twenty minutes of boredem, if i feel the need to use up mroe time, i will likley make another entry, if not, this paper will make good kindleing._
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A number of pages are ripped out, and on the remining tares of pages, strange sketchs, looking almost as if diagrams
Something is happening to me again, i keep loseing days. And i found strange writings in this. I do not remember writeing these in the slighest, yet it is with my hand.
Im getting worried._
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Well, if i knew i still had this it would have been binned many years ago. Im still not sure myself why i write.
It has been almost a century since i last scribbled.
Narfell is much the same, well that is a lie to start with. My home is now run by the easlanders and they will attack me on sight. Peltarch is as corrupt as ever. Norwick is being attacked by a demi-power. And Jiyyd is no more. But lets face it, what would Narfell be without something trying to destroy us all, i am just waiting for the defilier to return or Rass coming back.
Xol dead of age, the Guardians gone… My family gone. All i have now is a job. And a job i could not forfill, the Repose was beyond my control as keeper, i am thankfull to Kosef for taking the responseabilty. The Leigon seems to be healthy as it has ever been. A "warrior", my life has turned into what i did not want. If it were not for friends i think i would have retired and become a farmer by now.And ture freinds even run few now.. My absence left many dead from old age. Marie, Horbs, Kosef and Telli despite the professional relationship. I feel so out the loop, something i am not used to. It perhaps is that i am now living in the wrong time for me.. Narfell seems to have little for me now. But with alcohol and friends, what can go wrong?_
the rest of the entrie is blank
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Brave face, that's what my life is resorting to again. Lilly's "mask" idea. I'm not sure though, if it is a mask. A year ago i aws truely happy, and i sort of still am. Just worried. Worried wether i can take on what people are asking me. Worried what would happen if i told the truth. Worried about freinds and family. Worried about Xol's life…
I can't stand it, she been away to long. I can't sleep well anymore, everytime i do i get dreams. Dreams about whats happened to her. I'm telling myself that it's just my head trying to annoy me.
People are starting to notice, not taht i'm really trying to hide it. I talked to Amy about it a little earlier, didn't tell her what i truely dread or how i feel, but that i miss Xol, aswell as the idea as me as more than just a warrior. Attentus also offered his council, i would like to tell them both what is happening, but i'm not sure weather they'd just humor me, am i just being pathetic? The other thing is Mel, i would talk to her, but she has Yol to worry about at the moment. Just wish Zoma was still here, he depsite patronising me, would listen. Song has all my drink aswell, so i can't drink problems away, but this is probaly a good thing.
I'm just being stupid, worrying about nothing ::a scartch mark shows a sign of fustration but the rest of this entry is blank::_
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My head hurts. On the way back to the camp i got ambushed by some stupid bandit with a club, asked for my money, and when i told him if he didnt get out of my way he'd wish he ahd he started to attack. Hit me in the head. Poor fella', he didnt look like the bad sort eaither, quite smartly dressed, but now, a few feet under the snow.
I am unsure of why i feel sympathetic, he tried mugging me, petty criminal theif and i am now wondering weather i should have killed him, even in self-defense. Twenty years ago i would have just put a sword through him and stepped over. But i suppose thats what barbarianism is about. Makes me glad i gave it up and became civilised. But the problem is now, people are wanting me to go further.
The Order in paticuler. Shae say's she is willing to train me in the ways of the doomguide. Of corse i want to do my duty and forfill the oath i made to the judge. And i have been trying to do this for years. I would like to take Shae up on this, and i think i have already agreed to, but whenever i see the palidins and preists, they always seem so serious and mature. I'm not sure this is something i mentally can be. I'm the one to giggle at stupid jokes or comments, not one to stare stoney faced at an oncoming army armed with nothing but a vegtiable knife. But i suppose i can always try. Just be a silly doomguide if there is ever such a thing.
Ahh wells, i am occupied for the moment at least. I've been gtahering supples for Norwick, Getting knocked about by vast amounts of nasty cretures and helping out my family as best i can. Just wish Zoma was still about. Never really told him, but he was a great influance on me. But i suppose he wouldn't want us to greive to much, just a little.
The only other thing that is troubling me is Xol. I know she often goes off for long periods, but it's been to long, i miss her. She's been away for almost a year now. I know i am just worrying, but i'm so scared that she will get hurt. But i guess i would know if something had happened to her. She'll just likely jump out a bush one day at me, i just wish that day was now.. I am starting to think that something has happened.. ::the writing fades off after a small makr suggesting that he has decided to stop wrting::_
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//woggie is back, yeeey!
glad to see you again
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Several pages have been torn out before this extract which seems to have been done slightly reluctently
Forgot about this old book, havn't given it a thought since i left Narfell. I'm not sure why i'm continueing writing, i just soppose things are a bit tame at the moment and i dont have much better to do.
Well, if i said things where tame, people probaly would think i'm just being my stupid slef. Although my burdun is alot lighter than most peoples at the moment. The new orc war is putting a strain on people in Jiyyd, and the Camp has offered its help dragging them into the war. Aswell as Norwick now. However i'm not really seeing the full scale of what everyone else is seeing. I've defended the gates of Jiyyd several times from these orcs. Admittedly there cleverer than the ones from a few years back. But they were still managable, although everyone seems to dread them..
The Guardians aswell are still going and managing, except possibly Zoma. Something's wrong with him i think, although i just dont think its a good idea asking. He'll perservere again, at least taht is my hope.
Narfell hasn't changed much to be honest. When i returned i thought things would be massly diffrent. But apart from the orc war, which i feel is quite small comapred to the cival or eastlander wars (although i feel i am yet to see the true threat of the orcs), not much is diffrent. Alot of new faces, most for the good i have met, aswell as plenty of old ones, especilly my family within the Guardians.
Ahh wells.. If anything happens i'll probaly write something else in this old thing if i get bored again. And if not, it can always rot in my bag._
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Bored, bored BORED <clear signs of fustration become apparnt>
Why bored? Theres nothing happening. Few people are passing through the camp now the novelty of it being back is there, which leaves me conversationless, cant go out "adventuring" without, now, a serious help of magic. Evan wearing my armor now is a strain. Went down into the fish-men tunnels a week or two back, i asked Mec for something to help me, but he saved it for himself and Mel, although half the time he stayed back and used a bow the same as me, despite knowing i would be alot more usefull being able to fight, Mel knew that to. Coming to the point were evan freinds don't want your help must be bottom.
Although, thankfully a few days after this depression was bought on, Rags cheered me up, by reminding me that evan though i am not able to do much, i could still help people just by being around. She asked me if i would watch over her and some more "fresh" hunter types if they went out into the foothills. Although, i know she could have done this on her own, it just felt nice to know someone still wanted the help, saying that i only really helped down when they wanted to go see the hag.
I spent a few days after that with her and a rarther excentirc miss Kitty. Despite being a bit mentally excitable, she seemed nice enough. And they were both very complimentry. Evan of the little things. Guess freinds are what are going to get me through whatever it is i'm going through. ALthough i'm not sure i want them to be, letting others bear the strain is not really fair, especilly on Rag, she has Zoma to worry about, he is going through wrose than me with the eyes, and yet hes doing alot better than I. Although he is a much greater man than me.
I am now trying to keep myself occupied, well, in the sense of not letting myself get bored. Hence why i am writing. The eye is growing stronger i think, its becoming harder to resist, or at least i think it is. Oh, and my dreams are still coming every few nights.
But i get by, Jiyyd seems busy quite alot, so spending alot of time there at the moment, just trying to find people to talk to, if not, i will just be helping people out at the camp. My life really isnt changing much, shame really, may do me some good.
I am trying to get the gears for my wedding to get moving a bit faster, i'm going to pester Orath now to try and get Xol's ring finished, and evan if the Guardians halls arn't done, the temple will sure suit. And with Bryn leaving Narfell, i will likley ask Lillin to preform the cermony, thats if Xol agress. The advice Zoma once gave me was that "the wedding is all about the women wants". Very likley wise words. Although they are coming from fluffles._
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Its been a while since i wrote anything, but thats miabnly because not much has happened. Although now somethine has happened which at the current rate i may not remember tommoro.
I was heading back fromt he temple. And the, guess what? I was back into the blackness and a white figre, blurred as normal. Next thing i remember was waking up shivering, cold and very very muddy. With some hobgoblins coming peering over me looking through my pack. The road from Jiyyd that day was muddy, which after a few seconds of seeing a hob near my stuff the words bloody joins the muddy.
I dunno what happened, just the figre again. Whatever it was i wish it would just happen if something is supposed to, or say whatever its trying to get across clearly.
I will tell Xol next time i see her, probaly Bryn to. I am unsure why i put this off, i geuss it just didnt seem important.
Another odd thing that happened is Nyda. She came up to me in town and called me sir, seemingly not to reconise me, she also talked about Denna to Lillin. Although she told me Denna was gone. If the lovarite is back things will likley get bad, and watching Nyda go through that struggle again is not something anyone wishs to see.
The only other thign that happened, i told Sil about the eye, the whole story, despite Zoma not wishing me to. I know i shouldnt have, but i trust Sil with my life, and i kinda broke down.. Which made it easier to tell her. I am not porud of resorting to blubbering and crying, but it happened. And i guess i'll have to live with that i am not coping as well as i make out._
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I can barley hold this pen. The last few days i have been running around wearing full armor, fighting, and for the last day, acrrying a heavy half orc on my shoulder. Myself and a few others went dwon into the udnerdark and it didnt go to well, there were 100's of duerger. We fought for a day or so, which in my conditon did more harm to me through exhaustion than the duerger did. At one point i actully thought i was about to die from the strain i was doing to myself, and when Gidush fell, i carryed him out of the underdark to the surface, which, really easnt an easy task. I doubt i will be doing anything excaept laying here in the camp for at least a week.
Which gives me time to write things, but for now, i rest.
I have been watching people passing through the camp for a few days now, and the exhaustion seems to have mostly passed. I shouldnt have called on reserves i didnt have down in the udnerdark. Now i am paying the price.
My dreams are still occering, darkness except the white blurry figre, waking up in cold sweat everytime. And i am yet to tell anyone. Xol would only worry, and thats not something i wish. I am still unsure of the cause. It may just be a dream, nothing more. But somehow i know it isn't. If only i could remember more of what happened in the dreams. It may shed some light on it.
Also, the eyes seem to be doing things to others now. Zoma says they can possibly effect people who have touched them. Apparently, Jirka has been acting odd, unable to control her anger, lashing out, that kinda thing. I have decided not to evan take it out of my pack anymore, It may aslo be possible for them to affect people who have seen them. Maybe it is the eyes causing my dreams. But There are more important things to be done than worry about the dreams. Immanent world destruction for one. I must keep the eye away from whatever women Zoma mentioned. I will not start an ammergedon._
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Why does everything have to be so complicated?
I have no idea why, but it seems that life has become worse. Nightmares, not of my usheral kind. Ones which wake you up dead cold and wet from sweat. Only thing i can remember from them is blackness and a white blurry figre. I know there is more to it. But i cant seem to bring them back. I wonder what has caused them? Perhaps my recent traveling to other plains. Perhaps a sign of soem kind, or my mind is just playing on me again? I dont know, i seek Xol, and Bryn.
Heh, Bryn, i would have asked her help in Jiyyd, but she was with that murdering git Rary. This another thing, they seem to be becoming closer than just brother and sister which she calimed them to be. I am unsure weather to be happy about this. She needs someone, i know this much, and if she feels him right than i guess thats a good thing. But i will never be able to like him .. Or evan tolerate him. After what he did to me, crimson, and my son, all i wish him is retribution. I am unsure to tell Bryn what he really did to cause the death of my old love and child. I want her to be happy, but i think i think she deserves better than him. I guess only time will tell .._
