Nicahh - The Scattered Pages
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{Compared to the pages prior, this one seems to have been wrote by a rather shaky hand.}
I saw an angel. I think. In a dream. Or maybe it was real. I don't know. I really don't know. Something is wrong… something is badly wrong. I've never been this scatter brained.. I don't know reality from a dream. Something is really wrong.
I was coming back from Norwick, after visiting Aelhearn... and Lucid's office. I remember walking out of the Great Hall and seeing something overhead. I thought it was a man, winged. His wings a pure, shimmering white, nearly blinding. I remember asking Clandra if she saw him. Pretty sure it was Clandra I saw, though I've not seen her in years, so maybe I just dreamed her up too. And her replying she has yet to sleep with a demon. I don't really remember why she told me that... but she did. I think. Anyways... I was making my way home, towards the Sisterhood.. when -he- landed beside me.
He was absolutely beautiful; tall and bare chested with pearly white wings folded neatly against his back. He was nearly perfect except for a strange scar like mark on his cheek, though it glowed an unnatural golden color. He also held a glowing great sword up against his shoulder, it easily as tall as me. And he knew my name, asking me if I needed help. Which, honestly confused me. Made me wonder if I was in some sort of danger, since it is not everyday a winged man desends from the sky to merely say hello. I remember asking his name, and then asking if he was from around Narfell, to which he merely laughed. A musical, enchanting laugh. I did not know what else to say to him.
I do not know if it was him or me that brought up the question of whether I was dreaming or not about his presence... I remember him reaching out, his hand on my arm, then him going through the motion of pinching me, yet there was no pain. Then there was blackness, the world spinning around me. I just felt so sick, as if I might pass out. And then he was gone. If he was really there. I think he was. I just know I sat outside the Kelemvorite temple for what felt like hours, trying to steady myself before moving on towards home. I am pretty sure I would not have just stopped there to take a nap, so this can't be a dream. But then again, it is too surreal to be true.
Perhaps it is merely a mage messing with my mind. I can not say for sure. Maybe I should not be left alone for a while. No, that makes me sound too needy.
I'm just scared._
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_Her scream echoed throughout the small room, as the slumbering elf beside her leaped out of bed grabbing his bow.
"What is it?!" He croaked out, the beating of his heart so hard in his chest, she could hear it five feet away.
"I.. I… it was.. just a dream.. I think." She said, covering her eyes, lying back down in the bed.
He could only stand staring at her in the darkened room as the pitter-patter of feet began to make its way down the hall. "I'm fine Keira, go back to bed..." Nicahh called out. She heard the elf stand at her door a moment longer before slowly turning and making her way back down the hall.
"Nicahh, you scared the hells out of me." The large elf grumbled before sliding back into bed, him still holding his bow as he pulled the blanket over himself with his free hand.
"Aelhaearn?"
"Yes, love?"
"Will you put your bow away, and rub my back?"
He gave her a slightly confused look, and then smiled sheepishly, a faint blush coming to his cheeks as he noticed the finely crafted long bow still in his hand.
“Of course, love…” He whispered sliding the bow away, then lightly running his hands across her scarred skin.
This pain in my back is not getting better. Actually, it is getting worst. But, I think that is all in my head; a never-ending itch. No matter how much it is scratched, no matter how busy I am… I can’t forget about it. My skin feels tight over my back and nearly crawling at times. I seriously think I’m losing my mind.
And to make matters worst, I keep having this dream, over and over and over. Vivid green eyes on a face I do not know, watching me, staring at me. It is strangely comforting, though I do not understand why. But like most comforts in life, it is short lived and I see this face, twisted in pain, flames engulfing it. And I can do nothing to help. I’ve woke up half the house screaming over the past few nights, but I cannot help it. I see her, and I know what is about to happen, yet I cannot wake myself, I can not close my eyes, and not feel this wave of complete dread wash over me.
Something is wrong, something is seriously wrong with me…_
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_The back of his hand connected with her cheek; the slap echoing throughout the room. It felt as if her face would explode. Then he did it again, and again, and again. Between the slaps she felt Zanetar shift, uncomfortable watching Lord Gedder take out his frustration on the red head. But they all knew, he was slapping her more in a test for Zanetar, than for punishing Nicahh. Yes, she had fucked up, but only because she had followed Zanetar's foolish orders.
So in response, newly awaken from the dead, she sat on her knees as the generally calm, well spoken older gentleman struck her over and over. Her lover, standing by, watching. Not daring to interfer. He knew his place, and knew it well. No woman, no mother of his only child, no companion of his heart and bed, would move him from that spot. Lord Gedder could have beat her to death before his very eyes, and he still would have stood there, watching._
I have been struck a lot in my life, but truly this last beating had to be the most painful. Zanetar stood behind me as Lord Gedder slapped me over and over. My face is bruised and swollen, and we were clearly instructed I was not to be healed. That my bruises would serve as a reminder of our failures.
I seriously need out of here. I can't handle this anymore. This is becoming more and more like what I just ran from. I am slave, again. I am told, I will gain power and wealth, that through dedication, I grow stronger. It is lies. All lies.
I now have less that I started with. My mind if fuzzy in what is true belief and what has been forced upon me to believe. My child has been taken from me. Five years have passed, and yet, he has not been returned to me. Zanetar says he loves me, wants us to marry, yet never showed up for his own wedding.
The one thing I have carried with me for years, is dying.
Hope._
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_Her heart leap into her throat as she jumped out of bed, half asleep feet carrying her over to her desk where a short sword lay; it cold to the touch from the night air and the magic that blessed it. A loud grunt echoed in the room as she heard Aelhaearn's elbow make contact with the bed post, him scrambling to grab his bow, the deep sound of his feet chasing her. Down the stairs she dashed, her highly sensative ears having instantly detected from what direction the crashing had come. The orcs must have been attacking is what she thought. Though, it had not stopped her from leaving her room naked, seeking out the sound. Racing down the hall to where the splintered door hung only by a hinge, she slid to a stop across the cold granite flooring. There, upon the floor, head bowed, bloody tears streaming down her cheeks, Maya sat, her looking up helplessly, with a soft appology. "I'm sorry…"
Nicahh gazed around the room, the door splintered, the night stand no more than a pile of shattered wood. Then, there was Maya. The large, beautiful barbarian woman sat on her knees, bloody tears still streaming from her eyes as she tipped her head down, her gaze falling upon the floor.
"Don't be. Nothing that can't be fixed." Nicahh said, stepping into the room, walking over to kneel by Maya, a gentle hand resting on her shoulder.
Aelhaearn, being ever so true to himself, stood looking across Nicahh's bare body for a few moments, eyes studying the scars on her back, the curves of her bust and rear and the way the candle light flickered in her deep blue eyes as she looked back at him, all before he stepped into the room, wrapping one of the furs off Maya's bed around her. He leaned over to kiss her forehead, then whispered that he loved her before leaving the two women to talk.
Maya is hurting. And much like me, when she is affected, when she is in pain, or suffering, a cloud hangs over this house. All the Sisters know I'm not well, all the Sisters tip toe to my room, all the Sisters speak in gentle whispers trying to sooth what ails me. It is no different when Maya is hurt. Though, hers seems to spread beyond the Sisterhood and to the land around. Maybe I am just imagining things, maybe not. Who really knows?
Regardless, she and I spoke about the cloak she had lost, and what a trial this was. A friend, if Maya can still call her that, selfishly holds her cloak back from her. A reminder of her long passed husband, stolen from her own grave, worn by a friend who has no personal attachments to the cloak, just fancies the magic upon it. Insulting. Especially being as the so called friend is so highly regarded, for her good nature, her friendship.
Maya tells herself Ginger earned it. She fought her way up to Sharn, found his treasure fair and square. That may be true, but there are things more vaulable than treasure. And frankly, knowing that she helped to save this land, from this monster, this beast that was bringing death and destruction to all the land, is that not reward enough? Isn't she Phoenix? Isn't it her -job- to defend the area, and give of herself? Treasure or not. I know I was completely wrong about Equinox, and I thought him just a bad egg of the group, but the more I learn of them, the more I see how twisted some of them are… the more confused I grow of why the Sisterhood is looked down upon, and yet they are still honored.
I'm going to see if I can have a cloak made simular to the one the was stolen from Maya so she can trade it to Ginger. Maybe then, Ginger will be kind enough to give Maya her cloak back. Maybe then, Ginger will feel she has been rewarded. She is a fool for not seeing the reward she is risking right now: A friend who would give her life for her, stand by her forever and always, them bonded by this selfless act.
But, then again, it is Ginger._
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I should have kissed him back. I should have tried to keep kissing him, tried to distract him. Get him to want me, hold me, then put a dagger in his back when he least expected. I do not know if Aelhaearn would have forgiven me for such, but it would have saved the others. He may not forgive me for letting this chance slip by, and people being hurt because of it. I'm fucked either way.
Raver, William, Vidar… and what sounds like... my own nephew, Aelthas, are in Norwick, if the rumors are correct. I -know- Corde controls Norwick. I know Corde wanted Aelthas dead. These are no secrets to me. I just thought he had more respect for me than to hurt my own family. Worst of all.. I let him walk away. I let him leave the temple, leave Oscura, with only a warning. After he told me, he led this army, and that he would not be able to guarantee the safety of my home, my family, I still let him walk away. I am a goddamn fool.
I thought he was my friend, I thought it was the right thing, to give him a chance to leave, and for us to fight on fair ground. I tried to have honor, and not just do whatever it took to get my way. And this is what has happened because of my so called honor. People hurt, people suffering. There is no honor in dealing with his type. There is no hope for him. Yet I held it.
I warned Keira, if she helped him, she was dead to me.
Now I am torn. On one hand, I hold my promise to Jerr, to stay away from the fields, because I have another duty to fulfill. Then, there is my nephew, my friends, suffering and tortured I'm sure. If not dead already. I told Corde I would come for him. And I know he does not want to kill me, but will if that is what it takes. And he will be prepared for me, ask the Lady to watch over him. Just another test, just another failure of mine.
This war was faceless before, just an evil force pushing into our land, our home. Now I see a face. I see their eyes; and they are the most mesmerizing green I've ever imagined._
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((yay! i'm in one of your entries ^.^ ! anyway, awesome stuff nilla. reading these journals makes the sisterhood that much better.))
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His hand slid over her belly, resting lightly upon it as he looked up at her with a wide grin.
"Oi… tha's one feisty lil babe 'ere.. Dinno if Oi'd be puttin' up wit alla that, ... I'd be hittin' back, miss Nicahh."
She could only smile at him, a soft chuckle escaping her lips.
"You want me to punch it?" She said, watching his eyes, them growing misty as his hand lingered upon her belly.
"Nay, nay... just sayin' " He said, his words trailing off as the baby once again kicked, her wincing slightly from all the movement.
The baby was not his. But how he cared for her, how he lingered at her side, as if she was the most precious gift in the world, would leave few believing he was not the father. No, the father sat below the surface, lost in his prayers to Bane, while she allied herself with anybody that would turn their hand to her. Locrian loved her. Not because she had spent years toying with his mind and abusing his heart to the point he was near insane; but because he had given her his heart. No questions asked, no strings attached. It was hers. Plain and simple. Just like him.
The gift had been tossed to the side as carelessly as she would have thrown a rag inside her pack. Only using it when she needed it, otherwise, it was just there, weighing her down. He was too soft for her. Not her type at all. He was kind and loving, tried to change her, give her a brighter life on a straight, good path. She was use to abuse, and pain, of which, he offered none outside his begging of her to change. Still, he loved her on, as she looked at him with spite whenever his back was turned. In her current situation, it was nice to have an ignorant barbarian watching her back. Though there were days she felt more; she just couldn't bring herself to admit. She was enjoying his company.
She knew not what he said half the time, only that he rarely shut up, and his speech pattern became somewhat soothing, when he managed to stay calm. Off and on, he would lean close to her every growing belly, singing softly to the unborn Banite that resided inside her. It was instinctual to touch his roughly cut hair, to give him the least bit of affection he craved. He would smile, and then she would feel warmth between them, and smile back, only later remembering to punish him for being able to touch her icy heart.
_I was starving today. Absolutely starving. Craving meat like I had never craved it before. I had vowed I would not touch the stuff, never again feast off the flesh, but the baby wanted it. Every animal looked like the finest morsel and I can’t describe the fight going on in my mind at seeing them as such. Locrian was being such a pain in the ass. He had carried me no less than two bushels of apples to eat, of which, I did not touch a single one. When I finally admitted I wanted meat, he went all the way to Peltarch, from Norwick, to get me some fresh lion steaks.
What an idiot. Seriously. He could have killed a deer, or a badger, I was hungry enough to eat those… but because I said lion sounded tasty, he traveled the distance.
Goddamn fool. I hate him. I seriously hate him._
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_She had been singing for four days straight now. She was no bard, nor had she ever thought so much… noise would ever come from her consistantly. The death songs were taking forever to learn. Not because she could not remember them, but because each had a story that Jerr spared no detail to tell. For brief moments she was regretting her promise to learn the songs that Jerr had to teach another, or he could not fight upon the battle field and honor Tempus. She would not fight the orcs, she would not fight the giants, or the goblins and bugbears. No, she was to stand back, and wait for the fallen to be collected, then to spend the days after singing of their passing and sacrifices.
The idea bored her to tears until she looked at Jerr. It was seeing the joy in his eyes of teaching, and of having Nicahh back in his life that spurred her on. It was the love of her family, and accepting their traditions that gave her a newer sense of purpose. She would not be a warrioress during this war, she would be a song bird, and that was more than enough.
Such is the power of love.
"Drink." Aelhaearn whispered, handing her the cool glass of water. It was the end of the day five, as she slipped off the near half a dozen items that were enchanted to make her voice as soft and alluring as possible. Aelhaearn just grinned as she went to say thank you to him, her voice coming out like a frog's croak. "Shut up" she muttered softly as he stood grinning, him slipping out of his armor.
"I said nothing..."
"You did not have to...I could see it in your eyes what you were wanting to say."
"And what is that, my princess?" He said, sliding up to her, his arms slipping about her waist, pulling her against his broad chest.
"Bah.. don't touch me. I can't stay huffy if you touch me."
"Then tell me what I was going to say..." He whispered, leaning over to kiss the edge of her half elven ear, his hands sliding up her back, firm and gentle at the same time.
"I...you...my back..." She whispered back, not for sure what she even meant by those words.
His warm laugh filled the air around them as he leaned back, looking her in the eyes, his twinkling with love and desire, simply watching her tired, yet relaxed face.
"Do I really distract you that much? The heartless Nicahh, so cold and bitter, uncapable of love... fallen to the the touch of a simple wood elf?"
A brief spark flared in her, the desire to say "of course not" played on her lips, but when it came time for her retort, it would not come from her. Her lips parted, her mind wishing to not let him win, yet in his presence her heart always spoke for her.
"Yes."
Such is the power of love._
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_I am not the woman that first came to this land. I'm not even the same woman I was before Aelhaearn came into my life. How could one man, one simple, sweet, wonderful man, change me so much? He can't be real, truly he is an illusion sent from the gods to confuse me. Nothing this good has occurred in my life, nor have I deserved such. He can't be real. Can't be.
I'm starting to physically ache as his mere absence. At times it seems if we are bonded, and when he fell the other night, I near lost my mind. All I could think was, this was my destiny, to see if I could still walk, still go on in my life, once my soul had been ripped apart. I thought of the promise he made to me, swearing he would always return for me, then I thought of all those, who had said the same thing, so many times before, and so many times I woke alone. Truly, this would be no different I knew. When in my heart of hearts, this spark, this hint of light just kept piercing its ways through the darkness, the bleakness I surround myself in. And when I opened my eyes, he stood beside me. I wanted to make love to him right then and there. I wanted to feel his arms, taste his lips, and let him know I was as dedicated to him, as he is to me. Vow my life, my being, my heart and soul to him.
I do not know why I did not… outside the strange stares Vroka, Raryldor, William and Raver may have given me. But truly, William and Raver could have understood, they are in love. Even Vroka and Finnus could, they have been together forever it seems. Maybe it was Raryldor, and his ever dour look that stopped me. Who knows? Perhaps I had not truly been pushed to my limit, to the point where there is nothing in the world but Aelhaearn and I. But each passing day, a face fades from my memories, and his grows stronger.
The desire to lash out, see if I can hurt him, see if I can bring him pain and if he will stay, prove his love for me, is gone. It was dead before I could even remember to summon such and test him. No, the only tests he and I will face, are ones together. The Maiden, will not be happy. Not that I have been Her avatar for the recent years anyways. But for so long, it felt good to have people tell me She worked through my hands. To feel like maybe I was not in control always, that a goddess could find me so useful She would bless me with such abilities as to make a man a puppet.
Sometimes I think I miss those days. Then I see a mismatched pair of eyes gazing at me, one blue, one green... and I wonder what in the world was I thinking. There is no greater power than what Aelhaearn has gifted to me. I need not a goddess' touch when I have his._
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_I do not hate Jerr. I needed to say that, some where. I'm just really god damn pissed off right now. Well, not as much as I was when he started fooling around with Keira, and tried to do it behind my back, but enough I'm just not ready to forget it yet.
Need to speak to him, hate to watch people be torn apart, or pushed away. Especially, the only family I have. I just don't have the strength of heart to talk without being seen as pure raw emotions.
I'll pray I find it soon._
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_The chains of slavery have been slipped back around my neck. I can thank Jerr for that. I do him a favor, I take the title of his wife, to help him, to give him more status in his tribe. His thank you, is to bet me. To bet Lilin… and then to lose.
He lost his challenge against the young Heyokarr tribes man, who now is the new chief. We are his new brides, Lilin and I. Aelhaearn is going to be pissed. I am pissed. And scared. Very scared. Not because I fear a strange man giving me orders, trying to possess me. In reality, it won't happen. But old fears are hard to truly settle, to make go away completely. I swore another man would never own me, made a promise to myself. Refused to marry, refused to bond, refused to give myself to a man completely. That was my personal choice based solely on fear of being owned again.
Over time, love of a man has worn away those fears, but only because I let them go. I've given myself to Aelhaearn, truly given. It is not as horrid as I thought it would be, nor is it like being a slave at all. But, I ramble... this is different. Some man -thinks- he owns me. -Thinks- I am his. Silly. I worry for Lilin. She may do something rash, act physically, get herself hurt. If he comes for us, I'll have to convince her to let me do the talking. Yeah, if I'm in control, if I can only get him to listen to me, we should be fine.
I should find Aelhaearn. I need to find Aelhaearn. Need to be near him right now. Need to feed off his warmth, his compassion. I don't want him scared though, perhaps best to not mention this until I fix it. He likely already knows though, the way rumors spread in this land. Regardless, I need him.
Need him near.
He really should not let me roam around alone.
But he and I should not be alone together either.
Damn._
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_“Would you kindly hand me my clothes back?”
“No, I don’t think so. Not yet at least.”
“What in the hells are you doing here anyways?” Nicahh said, sitting up, groaning from the slight pain in her back, then looking over to the man who had firmly planted himself on top of her clothing and pack.
“I came back for you. Looked like you needed the help out there.” The hooded man said, motioning toward the mouth of the cave.
“You are telling me…. You rose from the dead… to save my sorry ass? Is that what I just heard?”
“You tell me what you want me to say, it is easier that way, if memory serves me correctly.”
“Fuck you, Rolan.”
“Oh…you are still a bitch.” He said with a merry laugh, leaning back against the cave wall. “Damn… I was starting to miss you. I mean seriously… no one was degrading me, or making me feel stupid. What was I thinking, eh?”
“No one around to call you a pussy for running off on your son, and his mother? For damn shame. Let me get started then…”
“Nicahh… not yet.”
“Then you tell me when the time is right, and I’ll gladly correct you.” She said standing up, her wobbling a bit, but quickly gaining her composure as she approached him. “Now give me my clothes.”
“You’re not ready to leave yet, and I just want a few moments alone with you, grant me that much?”
“Give me my clothes.”
Perhaps it was the wind picking up, or perhaps it was something she had always been able to command, but a icy breath of air washed around them as the last demand left her lips it cold and commanding, leaving him looking a bit surprised and her standing bare assed, kept warm by her pride and stubbornness.
“Sit down, just rest, just a bit longer, you need it.”
Her fist balled up, small sharp nails digging into her own palm, the pain from the shallow cuts coursing up her arm, but not quick or sharp enough to slow the first action that came to mind. His eyes scanned over her bare body, pausing when he saw the fist, her knuckles white. He knew what was coming. She knew what was coming. They simply just looked one another in the eyes as her near cobra like movement brought forth her fist to his face. Now, it was on._
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_“Just like a woman to sleep all day.” She thought she heard whispered on the wind. The voice was familiar, strangely comforting, despite its ghostly sound. Wrapped in layers of furs, she struggled to sit up, her mind fuzzy from the hours before. She knew not what cave she was in, nor how she had gotten there, or why. But, it felt oddly safe, protected, as if a warrior watched over it and she was his guest. Slowly peeling back the furs, she was not surprised to find herself naked beneath them; it was after all her chosen way to sleep. Though, not something she voluntarily did in a strange place.
Slowly but surely memories of what lead her to this cave began to trickle in. Aelhaearn. As always, he was the first thought on her mind. Regardless of whether she woke to see his mismatched eyes or not; he was always there. Always. Instantly her heart sank as she thought of the night before. Ting had made her lose her cool, pushed her beyond the safety zone. She had royally showed her ass when she stooped down to the level of beating on Ting. Aelhaearn would forgive her; she was for sure. Though, there would be a talk, and the last thing she wanted to do, was discuss such. She really hoped he had not seen her savagely beat the bard. It was not her finest moment.
Still, she wondered where she was; if –he- was near. Another cold wind blew down the stone corridor as she pulled the furs tighter around her, taking a deep breath in. In the corner sat her pack, her clothing tossed across it. She had packed hastily the night before, hoping to not run into anybody. A night in Oscura, alone, would sooth her mind. But somewhere, along the road, she got side tracked. The last thing she remembered was walking, unable to hide, unable to focus her mind. It was to the hobgoblin’s advantage that she just walked blindly amongst them. She remembered pain, deep bone shattering pain, their grunts, and the sound of rushing feet as more approached. Then there was warmth, like the first rays of spring shining upon her skin, both comforting and calming. As was the voice she heard next, the one she was for sure was gone from her memory. Was gone from her life…_
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_First there was the thud as the small elven woman landed ass first on the cold muddy road. Then the unmistakable sound of bones crunching as the well-practiced blows landed one right after another, finally ending with the crimson haired ladies hand in her hair, slamming her head into the ground over and over and over. She had been asking for a beating for a long long time… she just happened to pick the wrong day to request one again.
It was uncontrollable rage coursing through her. The day had not started out miserable. She had awaken, a bit sore from previous days of fighting and a long night of lovemaking. But, she had awoken next to the man she loved, him holding her tight. There was no better way to wake than that. And if there was.. she would never accept it. That was perfect, and as far as she was concerned.. she need not look for anything better. But.. as they say... all good things must come to an end.
Hours later she stood in the Norwick fight hall, listening to Wolf, a man she barely knew, telling her she could no longer tickle him, a silly game they had just randomly started playing one day. Why could she not now? Because that twit of a druid, the ex-arch druidess bitch Fadia, had told Wolf's wife he was having an affair. Based on what? Based on the fact that Nicahh was near a man.. that she was smiling, that she was laughing.. and enjoying life.
As always in her path, it was two steps forward, then one step back. Slowly moving, but making very little ground.
The drama with Fadia had shaken her to the core, nearly broken her heart. It was just completely unbelievable that Fadia could be so ignorant after all these years. She had been a guest at the Sisterhood.. and could still carry such hate and loathing.. over nothing. Added on top of that… was the fact that Nicahh sat listening to the bitch druid badmouthing her... to her own Sister. And when she asked what Fadia was saying... the Sister could only reply... "I don't know". She lied. She looked her in the eyes.. and she lied.
The world is a harsh and unforgiving place, with uncompromising demands on those who would forge their own path. Rely not on others for protection, for betrayal comes easily…
Blood trickled across the ground as the gashes from Ting's head stained the snow and slowly slithered down the hill. No one had stepped in to stop her from beating the elf senseless. It could have been because those that knew her knew she just needed this release. Or it could have been they feared being the next victim. Regardless, she walked away, feeling not much better, actually angrier if that was possible, that she has again lost control. She spoke harshly as Azrael addressed her.. warning him next time she would bring death to the elf and if someone was foolish enough to raise her, she'd just kill her again, until the elven woman learned to keep her mouth shut.
She felt no regrets for her actions, except for one. She wondered if -he- would be angry with her. She was angry with herself, and she was hurting, and as always, she ran. She picked a few things up from home, and she walked out the door. She walked north alone fighting back the urge to cry. It was half way to Oscura that she just sat in the road, her legs unable to take her any further, her mind and body weak. Hobgoblins closed in on her, their weapons flaying the skin on her back, then all went black._
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_Arnath fell a few days ago. As did I. One moment the ant like creatures were flooding into the city, then I could swear I saw a drow. Then I woke up next to Zanetar, him as bloody and battered as I was. Some gnome was talking, speaking of destroying a book or having a book. I don't know, it all happened so fast I'm not for sure what all went down.
I just know I am homeless again. Norwick won't let Zanetar in, and our town is destroyed. He has suggest we move to Peltarch. I've been there once, maybe twice, it did not seem so bad, though I can't say I've ever fancied living in a city again. But, currently there are few options.
I can now say I'm thankful Zanetar let Pernicious be taken away. He would have been in Arnath, in the inn, that was the first building destroyed. Losing my child to a temple, is way easier than losing him to a fire. Perhaps the men that took him had an insight into the destruction of Arnath. It is hard to say, but regardless, I'm thankful they came for him.
One a side thought, I wonder if I will ever see that elven woman again. Before the attacks started, I stood side by side with a very fair skinned elven lady, listening to her pray. I don't know who the prayers were too, but something about her, about her words, her movements, called out to me. I think Zanetar called her Keira, but I'm not sure that is her name or not. She was seeking pain, which I don't fully understand, but the conviction in her voice was so unsettling to me, I can't stop thinking about her, about what all she meant, and who she was saying it to.
Only time will tell if our paths will cross again._
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_Keira says she does not love me. We both know it is a lie. I smile and nod, tell her its alright if she needs to believe that. Make sure she understands that regardless of her words, I know the truth. We both seem content with that.
Everyday I grow more jealous, more protective of her. Notice men looking at her, taking the time to get to know her. Makes me want to kill them. Not like she is new to the land, but they just never noticed her before. It makes me furious. I feel like my secret, my rock, is now being leaned on by others. A lot of things I will share in my life, be it my gold, my home, even some men to a degree. Not Keira.
Though, it seems this matter is now out of my hands.
Jerr says he wants to take her as a wife, to bind her closer to our family. I want to throw him in the Soul Well. I -like- that she is an outsider. I fear her being too accepted will twist her, make her like everybody else. She is different, exotic in her own ways… to lose that... is to lose her. To lose my one friend that doesn't seem to judge me; accepts me as is.
Strangely I feel like I'm already losing her. But, I knew in time, it was bound to happen. I had hoped it would be a man that tears us apart. Someone I could lean on, and not have a care in the world. Aelhaearn is not that man.
Make no mistake, I love Aelhaearn. Adore him. He makes me smile, makes me laugh, he makes me feel beautiful, and desired. But, he also does not put demands on me. Accepts my crazy family, accepts Oscura, accepts my quirks. He says he's addicted to me. I know I am to him. I fear losing him. Know, in the end, I will. He'll wake up, see me for what I am and walk away. They always do.
I just hope him and Keira don't leave at the same time._
-
_Well, I did something stupid. Like really stupid. Like sacrifice your life stupid. Like sacrifice your life over another person, stupid. Like sacrifice your life over a -boy-, stupid.
Alright, actually, a man.
Thats right, I just stood there. I stepped right inbetween this silly elf that I can't get my mind off of, and the biggest bugbear I've ever seen. I just stood there, with my little bow, drawn back, like I was a real threat. "Take that!" I thought, as my little arrow bounced off his armor. Then, "oh crap" I thought as his axe came down on me. Also, "why did you do that?", came to my mind. Though, I may have said that one out loud.
Needless to say, I disgust myself. The lack of planning, that lack of coherent thought. Seems to be a common thing with me now. Wish it wasn't. Not strong enough to change it. I find myself smiling like an idiot, giggling like fool. Even death did not change that. Within hours of coming back to this plane, within hours of having been a lifeless body, I was laying beside him… and we were laughing, and we were smiling, and I was... happy. I even believed -we- were happy.
It does not seem right, it does not seem real. Must not be. There has to be some twist, some turn in the road, some danger I just can't percieve. It is out there, it is waiting, hiding in a shadow. She is watching, She is waiting. Even the loss of life did not cut me deep enough. She will send something that will. I know it. I feel it._
-
The death of her shadow….
_"Nicahh…Mali is not well." Aelhaearn softly whispered in elvish as the crimson haired woman rolled over waking from her slumber. "Her breathing is more labored than ever, perhaps it is time to let her go."
Her eyes fluttered open, slowly focusing upon the old gray panther that lay at the foot of the bed. Aelhaearn had spent the night at the Sisterhood; him curled around the comparatively tiny woman as she slept, Mali occasionally giving him a weary eye before drifting off to sleep herself. Sometime in the night, Mali had awoken, her breathing shallow and labored, Aelhaearn keeping an eye upon her, knowing how much the woman he had grown to adore, loved the old cat.
Instant tears welled up in her eyes as she looked down the length of the bed, gazing at her faithful friend. Mali had walked in the shadows at her side for going on twenty-five years. She had found her outside of Peltarch only a few days after the birth of her son, the small kitten wounded and helpless as the other great cats that lived upon the plains had sought out to kill her. Nicahh had simply thought her a cute kitten, had never imaged she'd find a friend in a furry beast.
"You will still help me?" She said to Aelhaearn, knowing the answer in advance, but at a loss for anything else to say. He simply nodded, reaching over wiping away a thick tear as it made its way down her cheek. They had known the time was coming and she had shown Aelhaearn where to take Mali when the panther was ready to move on to her next life. Wasting no time, she threw a robe over herself, while Aelhaearn gently scooped up the grayed beast in his arms. She did not fight him, she did not move really, except to place her head upon his shoulder as he made his way downstairs.
Walking towards the double doors that lead out of the house, little eyes peeked from around the columns within the Sisterhood. Everyone in the house had known the cat’s time was nearing an end soon. Seeing Mali carried out of the house only confirmed that the vibrant cat, which had worked within the walls of the Sisterhood to amuse and protect the children, would not be entering the house again. The shadow that stalked after everyone, the creature that’s loyalty had grown to watch over everything that Nicahh held precious, was fading away, just as the sun was high in the sky overhead.
Nicahh could feel the eyes upon her as the Sisterhood children whispered softly to the closest adult, "Can we go with them?", motioning at Nicahh and Aelhaearn. She simply stopped, mid step, turning to face the small line of kids that had gathered as the great cat was being carried out. "Not this time, guys." She had said, unable to slip on the mask that she so often wore, hiding any proof of emotions. "But, you may say goodbye, if you wish." Aelhaearn stopped, squatting down to allow the little hands that timidly approached him, to slide over the old gray cats back, one final time. Nicahh looked over the little faces, some with tears in their eyes, as they too said goodbye to a friend. Mali gave a few gentle licks to some of their hands, before going limp in Ael's arms once again. The children understood what this meant, and simply backed up, holding the doors open for the two as they left with the cat.
The woods behind the Sisterhood were thick, near impassable to those not use to such, but neither Nicahh nor Aelhaearn had trouble navigating through them. It was not long before they came upon a small grassy clearing in the woods, the trees circling this strange little spot. Nicahh had found the spot years ago while on a walk in the woods with Mali. She had often wondered why no trees grew in the clearing, yet also feared entering it incase it meant something to somebody. By the end of the day, if it had not had a purpose, it would now. It would be the resting place of a creature she had held so dear.
Aelhaearn had stepped into the tall grass, her losing sight of him for a few moments as she realized he was being cautious entering the circle. He too must have felt something strange about the area. Laying Mali down near the center of the clearing, he had turned to her, his voice soft and kind. “I will gladly stay at your side, or I will give you privacy, you need only tell me.”
“I…will be fine.” She said, not really answering his question, but them both understanding her meaning. He ran his hand down her arm, gently squeezing her hand before stepping back into the deep woods that surrounded them. She knew he was still near, but that he was not watching. He would give her the needed space, let her grieve in private, but be close enough that if she called, he would come. Lilin, however, would watch. She had heard the soft footsteps of the tigon as she had followed Nicahh and Aelhaearn into the deep woods. She would stay watching, then bless Mali once she had passed, hoping to see her again when she herself passed on to her next life, serving her time beside Bast.
Sliding down beside Mali, Nicahh silently cursed herself for not asking for Fenmarel to grant her the blessing to speak with the animals that day. Lying down, she closed her eyes, feeling the wind blow across her face as she gently stroked the old cats back. Mali’s breathing grew shallower with each passing of her hand as the old gray cat seemed to sink further upon the ground. Finally, her last breath escaped her. As if the woods had felt her grief, silence surrounded her, the only noise was a stream off in the distance, and Lilin, as she heard her shift slightly, pinning her ears back to her head. The one creature, the one friend, that’s loyalty had never been a question, was now gone. Overwhelming sadness washed over the crimson haired woman, as she lay in the clearing, unable to keep from crying. She was alone, truly alone. Her shadow was gone._
-
_I'm not liking this… I'm getting cozy again. Smiling, laughing, enjoying life way too much. It always scares me when this happens. I know, it is only a matter of time before it all falls apart again. Now, I just wait. It will come, it always does.
I guess part of it is already coming. Milshot is sick. I don't mean like little sick, but like out of his head sick, or so I've heard. I know he is not well, he has refused to see me upon several occasions now. That is not the Milshot I know. He would never refuse me... Lilin has agreed that once he is to the Sisterhood, she will asks for Basts blessing to help restore his mind. She seems to think this will work, I don't know.
I also don't know how to handle a full grown man that is not well. I can tend to injuries, I can tend to children crying... but tending to hurt, or loss, or confusion is not my strong point. I've always had to find someone else to pawn such onto. When Keira was not well, I took her to Sy'wyn... When Drelan was upset, I sent Nyda to him, when Nyda was ill, the whole Sisterhood watched over her. I don't have it in me to see people hurting, I just don't know how to deal with such. But, Milshot would want no one else but me to take care of him, this I know. I just don't know if I can.
Secondly, I am highly concerned that if Lucid believes him a danger to Norwick, why in the world would he send him to a house full of kids? Perhaps I'll just keep him at my side, if he is up for traveling. Some quiet time in Oscura may do him well. He seemed to enjoy staying at the house with me in times past, though there was not another man in my life to draw my attention from him. Oh well, we shall see how things turn out.
If worst comes to worst, I just take a vacation from everything and see him back to health or ... I do something I'd rather not say here._
-
((I couldn't resist, I hope its okay to post here Nilla
))As Lilin landed softly out in the snow, she turned and checked the window again for any passer-bys. She stripped down to simple tattered clothes and tossed her robe back in the window and pushed down the sash, pausing to check and make sure it looked closed but that she could still push it up easily. She checked around, before stepping into the woods behind the house. She knelt in prayer to Bast, thanking her for the many happinesses she had given Lilin that day, and for a safe night. As the sun set, and the moon rose, she prepared for a hunt.
–-------------------
She stopped, and tipped her head back, breathing in the night air, stopping to lick her muzzle before creeping along the base of the trees, smooth and low like black silk across glass. Lilin saw her prize, alone, nearby, the shadows of its antlers casting ghosts across the ground in the light of Selune. She moved behind it, its scent heavy on her nostrils as it ate, unaware of her. She stopped. He stopped. In a moment she gather momentum and dived on top of him, a streak of black fur and yellow stripes, razor claws digging into his side and flipping him over smoothly. She moved fast to his neck, biting down and holding, the odor of his blood dancing around her as the animal waited for him to stop fighting back. When he did, she dragged him to a safe spot she had already chosen, and enjoyed her dinner.
She finished within the hour and stopped, cleaning the blood off herself throughly, watching the wood for hobgoblins and other ilk that sometimes came to interrupt, but none came. Lil moved back towards her home, and nudged the window open with her muzzle. She moved back and jumped inside, landing softly on the tiles in the storage room. She sniffed around and moved to the garden where she had made her bed for the night, but found the door locked and found it too difficult to return to normal to unlock it. Lilin moved back around to the storage room and tried the door that led up stairs, and finding it open, padded up the stairs.
Nyda wasn't home, Keira wasn't her favorite person, so Lilin moved up to Nicahh's door and started pawing at it. After about a half hour a tired and grumpy looking Nicahh opened the door and let her in, moving smoothly back to her bed after Lilin had come in. “I’m not getting dressed…” She grumbled as she rolled over on her side pulling the blanket back up over her before curling around the old gray cat that had been a companion of hers for years. Lilin hopped softly onto the bed, and flopped down beside her. “Just try not to shed on my bed too much…” Nicahh whispered before drifting back off to sleep, her sandwiched between her panther Mali, and the pretty blonde werecat. Lilin curled up tightly against her, the blankets separating their nudity, as she gave a gentle lick to the back of Nicahh’s neck and drifted off to sleep herself.
Lilin was dragged upstairs by the hand to the top of the Peltarch Arms Aparments. She looked at the person taking her, confused, lost, in a daze. She was quite certain that it was a dream but it seemed so real. They came out in the bright sunlight in the beautiful garden that decorated the top of the building, overlooking the whole city... it still looked dirty for some reason, and Lilin felt distant from them now. She looked at the person who had taken her here, and wanted to say something deeper, but all she could manage to say was “Why?” He gave her a funny look and shrugged, holding out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her close, her back pressed against his chest. “Ael is doing well.” she whispered as he put his arms around her protectively, she placed her hand on his, took a deep breath, taking in the rich scent of roses, and then her mind wandered...
Two screams filled the room as both women jumped out of bed, scrambling to focus their minds and to grab the sheets to cover themselves.
“What are you doing here?!”
“Did you just grab my boob?!”
“I thought you were someone else!”
“I bet you did…LESBIAN!” Lilin screeched, scrambling to grab a blanket off the bed, her apparently having shifted back into her human form sometime during the night. The fight for the blankets continued on for another few minutes, before Nicahh gave in and dashed across the room, pulling her robe over her scarred body.
“I can’t believe you molested me…” Lilin huffed, dressing under the cover of the blanket.
“Well maybe if you did not crawl into my bed, I’d not have done it…” She muttered before letting her mind had completely wrapped around what Lilin had said…”I DID NOT MOLEST YOU!” She yelled back then. “I thought you were someone else and I was having this nice dream…and why did you put your hand on mine then put it on your boob… sounds like you’re the lesbian if you asked me!”
“So now you are dreaming about me?!”
“No!”
“Eww, Nicahh!”
“Get out, Lilin!”
“Oh, I’m leaving…”
“Then GO!”
Breakfast was awkward as the children looked between the two women, not for sure why they had been woken to their yelling that morning. Nicahh could not look at Lilin, and Lilin could not look at Nicahh for the longest time. Whispers spread throughout the Sisterhood that the two women were fighting, though when someone would ask what was wrong, they could only blush and walk away.
