Esmeralda Tiller-Calchais' Chronicle
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I've never really been one to keep a journal honestly, writing has never been a strong suit of mine, but I figured based on all the progress and changes that have happened in my life I may as well start!
In the last few months since I've actively worked my way into my role as a Harvestmistress of our Great Mother, Chauntea outside of the Tiller lands, I find myself pushing myself to endure what these lands to offer, to experience the same things my mother did finally getting out to adventuring, and to put to practice my father's combat techniques and the fundamentals he's taught me. There have been other wonderful people who have offered to mentor me in combat like Reemul and Amanda, gods bless them, but I couldn't keep up with their more liquid approach to combat, nor could I do what my mother could, who when she goes all out she's defeated balors and other things my mind can't even comprehend being able to fight. I know what they look like, what they smell like, seeing them outside the window when the Demon Queen was causing havoc with her plans here when I was really young, and it terrifies me, yet though it lingers in my memory, I thank Chauntea for keeping the dreams away with her celestial tune that always puts me at ease.
I guess thats another thing I should address.... people might think that it could be insanity, but I could always hear music since as long as I can remember, the melody of harps and gentle percussions, of flutes that seem to blend in to the beautiful white noise of running streams and animals chirping. Its always been a part of me, and always helped me center myself. I've only ever told my grandmother this in detail, as well as my parents, with my grandmother telling me that it was actually a common trait among elves and given she has elven ancestry many generations past, though not enough to be really considered a half-elf at this point, it could be either something lingering for that, or a gift from Chauntea herself to help quell the trauma I suffered when I was really young from seeing the destruction demons brought. Though, if it is just some sort of mental illness, I'm thankful for it, as there's much worse one can have than having gentle tunes playing in the background to help keep themselves happy and centered.
Oh, I joined the legion as well. Growing up, I always had visions and dreams of expanding Chaunteas domain, be it the reconstruction of Jiyyd or maybe starting a new home all together, as they could be vague at times, it lead me to the conclusion once I got old enough that I feel like Chauntea's gifts should be passed along on the frontiers as well, and not just kept to the communities. Grandmother's older but she's still healthy, and maybe threads of elven blood might give her another 10 or 20 years or so. Yllalynn being a full blown half elf though having been doing her work for a century I imagine has time left as well, though I admit if either of them did need to truly retire one day and couldn't find someone to take over, I'd do so in a heartbeat. Still, at this point for now I feel both Peltarch and Norwick are in a good place. The General is a wonderful, professional and stoic person, and I see a little of my father in him, even if most of the legion in general, while taking their jobs seriously, tend to be a bit more rough around the edges, fun and informal than your usual standing army. I'm happy here and will continue to work myself up from a Trainee. Only thing I despise is the colors! Black and blue! Ugh. I understand the symbolism of 'making sure the enemies will be black and blue by the time we deal with them' but I've always loved colors and pastels, and I feel like it doesn't reflect so well as a Chauntean priestess at times. Maybe if I can find another set of super light armor when not doing legion business that might be ideal!
Fight nights have been fun! I tend to get my butt beat a lot I won't deny but I have no objections to it! Telling fun stories, engaging in archery contests with my sling I know I can't possibly win, testing my mettle against local legends in boxing, treasure hunting, races, its the highlight of my tenday every time it pops up, and I'm oh so thankful to the township and the old man for hosting it.
In terms of martial skill, I've been growing rapidly I admit, using father's fundamentals to help me get started and working myself to get better. I admit though the first time I was forced to kill a human was traumatizing, as the bandits that had attacked me while going south, I decided to stand up to them rather than running away one day... and when I felled one, it did something to me I guess. I couldn't stop thinking about it. The Grain Goddess song as well went from something gentle and comforting to one of somber mourning, emphasizing if anything the gravity of what I did. Since then, though I still hear Her melody, I find myself not hearing it with the clarity I used to, the harsh reality of what it takes to protect these lands and to fight both like my mother and grandmother did as a protector more than a healer would mean I'd have to not end the life of just monsters, but of men that made poor choices in life to become oppressors as well.
Still, regardless of my recent experiences I've decided to own them and push forward.
As I gathered more resources and better equipment, as Chauntea's blessings became more bountiful, I found myself exploring more, under the guise of invisibility and Her blessings of sanctuary, going places I had no right going to. In a state of both perpetual wonder and terror, I travelled through some parts of the underdark I admit a few times, though each time I felt the pressure was too deep I used my recall stone without hesitation to return home. And more recently, I had also travelled the road south of here, past kront and north east I'd ride with Creampuff, my lovely horse. There were enemies on the road, many groups and armies, ones I observed but didn't desire to engage. Not anytime soon.
Not until the lone dark knight on a hill, standing there all alone as if waiting for some challenge. Everything about him, his armor, menacing, his demeanor stoic, his form was flawless. Having recently been granted more powerful boons from summoning elementals to even a frightening blessing called word of faith that has the power to end life of weaker individuals easily, as well as stun or blind stronger ones, I figured this would be a good opportunity to challenge this man who seemed to be waiting for challengers to vanquish, or maybe wished his final end himself and either persuade him to give up the dark life he lived up until now or shepherd him to the afterlife if absolutely necessary.
Oh how wrong I was, oh how truly wrong I was. I had first summoned a golem from the House of nature to help surpress him while I was fully warded in preparation to try and defeat this man. He summoned an undead in turn, then proceeded to cleave chunks of stone from my summon. In an effort to preserve my summon after, I attempted a word of faith to disorient him with hopes to beat him into submission with both my skill and Chauntea's blessings. Whatever drive he had though, whatever dark powers or abilities, my efforts either didn't work or he simply endured and fought on, fighting tooth claw and nail with all his skill until all I remember was darkness as I plummeted to the ground, with little more but a scratch from a multitude of my own blade swings I offered before finally falling. A wonderful priestess named Xiulan that I met before had managed to recover me and brought me to the Temple of Chauntea, where both her and Yllalynn worked together to return me to life, my body in such awful shape it seemed that Yllalynn mentioned herself that she would have brought me back if she knew it was me, but I will thank the Celestial Emperor as well, to whom the priestess who returned me said they're faithful to, vowing to educate myself more about them as well as passing the kindness forward in the future as they asked literally nothing for me in return for helping.
I don't hear the House of Nature's melody anymore now when I'm awake, and though its granted to me in my dreams to which I'm thankful for, its no longer clear and I barely remember any of it, a part of me wonders if its tied to one's innocence perhaps. I proactively chose to try and end the life of a great evil when I could have easily avoided it, especially one who was doing nothing more than waiting for a challenge rather than just trying to commit to highway banditry like the others on the road did. I play the scenario through my mind, wondering if maybe I should have tried talking to them first instead of ambushing them first. Or maybe left them alone and find more capable people to deal with them. In this case, I need to move on.
Where there was music, is now the memories and sounds of blades clashing and struggles. I find myself to carry more regret I admit when I end life while on my own than when protecting others while adventuring and doing battle in a team, and I'm unsure if its hypocritical or not. And while I'm now numb to the idea that as long as I choose to wield a sword and end life while I choose to explore the frontiers, to adventure, and work with the legion, I still take no satisfaction from it either.
I know at this point, I'll need to redouble my own efforts and work harder more than ever to count my blessings that my Goddess, my family, friends, and allies offer to be happy. I love my mother but I don't want to up like she has at times, always keeping everyone at arms length, including even my father and us at times under the guise of doing the Grain Goddess' work, even when fallen, by going on lonely patrols, escorting farm trade goods, and otherwise distracting herself from her misery. Her entire life she aspired to live more like a knight to protect us, when all we really needed was a shepherd to help guide us. Grandmother Anna and her would butt heads a lot too and grandfather Thom would just stay out of it. My grandmother almost lost it when she found out mother threatened to kill the now-proven fraud princess Elisabeth, telling her she'd put the whole farm at risk for her selfish behavior, even when I heard the princess was doing things like murdering surrendering forces or taking the life of a criminal who she said she'd let live if they provided information, only to end their life unceremoniously after, though she did quit the military after in protest. I'm glad I haven't had to make big decisions like that.
Anyway, seems like I'm running out of ink, and I don't know how long I'm going to keep up this journal, but I figured this might be a good start. Maybe if I meditate I can hear the Goddess' song again, but even if I don't, I'll just be the best Es' I can be and learn from my mistakes instead of dwelling on them.
There's a drawing of a dark figure in black armor on a horse cartoonishly looming over what looks to be Es herself lying on the ground with her tongue sticking out and X's in her eyes, perhaps something to help her move on from the trauma she suffered on the next page. She snorts at it when it was all done, figuring it might be something to help her cope and move on possibly. She'd let it dry then snaps the book shut in the end.
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((XP awarded 240830))
