Field Guardian Varya's Journal
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A humble journal bound in simple leather, sheets of parchment inside brand new and fresh fill it, unmolested thus far by ink. Having recently picked it up not too long ago, seeming very pensive she begins to write upon it, with quill and and ink on a candle lit desk.
"I need to really start writing these things down" She would mutter to herself, doing her best to embed what had transpired from memory into the journal. She'd write some chicken scratch on the first page, getting used to using the new quill and ink she purchased before beginning to inscribe what transpired.
*It all started when I first made my way to the beholder cave. I figured the usual test of might, defeating evils and whatnot. With Chauntea's hand on my back, there were of not much risk! One multi-eyed monstrosity fell after another until only I was left deep within the den of evils. Found a few treasures in the meantime, as well as some unhallowed items I refused to touch, leaving them there before making my way back outside.
Hobgoblins waited to ambush me there. Invoking Chauntea's grace there were of little trouble... the real trouble was what was to come after. Surrounding me, there was darkness, and soon rot. Wherever I travelled grass seemed to die. Wandering in this forest I began hearing an ominous, frightening voice. It began to taunt me....
"Once there was a girl who dwelt in a forest."
"Who saw a red rose in the middle of the trees."
"Her Grandmother warned her not to touch the red rose, for nothing good comes of it."
"But in her dreams, she coveted that flower, and each day woudl get closer and closer to see more of its splendor."
"She moved - Closer and closer."
"Until the day she was close enough to touch it."
"And then she did, and only the rose remained."This was playing in my head over and over light some nightmarish poem warning me of something, only to find myself being chased by some large, unfathomable horror. I ran back to the beholder cave only to find myself waiting there for awhile. This thing had the monstrous presence that sent chilled up my spine and I knew I could do nothing.
After some time of waiting, I decided to try and make a sprint back to Norwick. At first it seemed fine, but the loser I got.... itch... dry skin.... the grass around me started to die. I started to feel true terror. The thing that I feared most of all... I didn't sense the presence of the Grain Goddess.
I got closer and closer to Norwick, having just passed its ruins until I began to vomit... grass nature itself dying around me, as I was throwing up, there was blood and worms.... I was so fearful but I couldn't stop thinking of going back to Norwick and getting help.
It was then and there when I arrived just outside the gates, ready to collapse from death at any moment, that I saw my body already laying there, looking down to it wondering how things got this way.
I regained consciousness.
I was told they found me unconcious outside the gate . Lying on the ground. Just as I saw in what felt like an all too real vision. Yllalynn watched over me with concern, the both of them wondering what happened.
I was safe... yet... I could still taste the blood and worms in my throat. Yllalynn had suggested perhaps I take a break from going out and about.
I think I'm going to do that.
I returned home only to find out Nathelin had his own horrific vision, where he had turned undead and felt compelled to eat people and had, though thankfully it wasn't true.
Whatever created these visions, I need to find out what caused them. Related or unrelated, they were all too real and absolutely awful in scope. For me to become a blighter, for Nathelin to become undead in his, its something that I need to get to the bottom of after taking some time to recover.
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Helplessness and Hope
I have not felt this helpless in a long time.
First of all, the curse. The curse that guarantees my soul, the soul of my others, as well as friends and travelling companions and names of the past, that should they die, we just go straight to the abyss. Not only that, but I'm marked for hunting, and so far they've already tried to come after others. I wish I could be so bold as to make the statement 'let them come', but I won't. Having them appear puts my family at risk. Having them come puts my place of employment at risk.
I have not spent more than a couple of hours a day with my child of late. He's only 6 and he's already keen enough to understand what I told him. I told 'Brin, that sometimes the wolves hunt the sheep, and sometimes when the shepherds stop the wolves too many times from hunting the sheep, they go after the shepherds. He asked if he could help deal with the wolves, and the best thing I could tell him was that for now, he's only a little shepherd, and until he becomes a big one strong enough like his parents or his grandparents, its best to let the grownups handle it.
I didn't lie to him... but I didn't want to tell him of the nightmare both my mother and I are dealing with. She's dealing with it in her own way, for now she's helping people in the plagued district, administering cures along with the likes of Myrcella, but otherwise I've been so busy with work as she has, that we haven't had time to talk anymore.
Now, there was another incident.
Bodies... bodies hanging from a tree while the bones of children lay in a pit, stripped of their flesh by evil fey. With immeasurable sorrow I have also committed to dealing with this now as well. Were I full time security as I was before joining the defenders, I probably would have caught this, but now I can only react, using the powers bestowed upon me as a Captain to send soldiers out to patrol and keep things well lit while morale on the farmlands isn't exactly stellar.
I didn't cry. The people didn't see me unmoved, as I would be strong and comfort those who have lost. Though none have said it to my face yet, I can imagine the anger though, the frustration of why I wasn't there to stop this. I can't even remember the last time I picked up a rake to sweep leaves, a hoe to till the soil, or actually performed any meaningful contribution to the farmlands, other than the patrols I do before and after my shift.
I won't let them see me like this. I can't let anyone see me wallowing in pain, though I wouldn't go as far as self pity. I have a job to do, and I need to continue to do it. I haven't given up, and I won't give up, and I will fight tooth, claw, and nail to save as many souls as I can.
There will be no rest for me, there will be no comfort until this curse is lifted, in the face of eternal damnation, torture, and inevitable oblivion. The blessing of a paladin often comes with a caveat though. We train long enough and people think that we no longer feel fear. The truth is with her grace, we're just well equipped and able to move forward in the face of fear.
Lastly... I... I'm at a crossroads. I may lose Chauntea's grace as a paladin... there may be a risk that I might never become one again. There's a great evil... the literal embodiment of evil in succubus form, a former ruler of a layer of the abyss who has been bound to the mortal plane and has lost a good deal of her power. Do I help her? To what point will I end up helping her if it means to save my friends and allies. I don't think I can do it until I have no other choice... but who knows what the future holds.
Not only that, many of them the same companions also wish to assist a Necromancer in order to deal with powerful vampires that threaten this land. They have threatened to get N'jast involved, our less than ideal neighbours in the far east that may have caused the plague, and the necromancer is offering a cure if we get what she wants.
So I have a lot on my plate now. Best thing to do is eat it one piece of a time. As awful, hideous, and putrid as all this is, I'll endure it one piece at a time. I'm a big girl, with strong shoulders, and a loving goddess who has given me the strength to move forward, blessings or not.
Enough of my assorted ramblings though, I won't ever put this down if I tried to air every frustration I've had since I wrote in this barely used diary.
I might visit you more though, we'll see.
