3. The Rat-Master General's Campaign

The Rat-Master General's Campaign


  • A tall woman, with grimy blond hair and clad in filthy, battered Defender armor, takes to the rant stand to speak. A motley crew of rat-catches (including a terrier) stands solemnly behind her in support.

    "CITIZENS OF PELTARCH, I am the Rat-Master General of the Jewel, her commander in chief against the eternal enemy that plagues us… that gnaws at us from WITHIN... vermin. Hated, hated vermin. A PLAGUE UPON ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY. For too long I have fought this lonely battle, sending good, decent men and women into the war.... knowing I may be sending them to their doom. We simply do not have the support we need. I have asked for battle mages... I have asked for a new regiment... I have asked that 9000 tons of caustic acid be poured to flood the sewers and scourge all life. I have asked that the river be filled in. None of this has been done. NONE OF IT.

    "And so, I have decided to RUN FOR OFFICE, to secure my army the funds and resources it needs to keep the hated enemy at bay!

    "Look at Norwick! They had a rat-god down there! Do you want THAT up here? I don't!

    "My platform is that I will KILL ALL RATS. I will leave other matters to the other senators. They're not important anyway. What is important is that we KILL ALL THE RATS. ALL OF THEM. ALL. OF. THE. RATS. KILL.

    "I have the endorsement and support of the Sewerworkers Brotherhood, the Peltarch Fraternity of Rat Catchers, and Terrier Fanciers and Breeders Club of Peltarch.

    "For my part I endorse Dwin Dolvak because he makes good rat-traps and is 'in the trade'. Vote for us both.

    "I fought in the war against N'Jast. I was part of the last stand.

    "Do you know? Do you know what the city was like in those days before the war? How clean, how precise... the world made sense then... things were good... it wasn't like this then...

    "IT CAN BE LIKE THAT AGAIN IF WE KILL ALL THE RATS.

    "I ask for your vote! Lest you fear, as Senator I will continue to hold my day job. Thank you! The gods bless Peltarch! And CONFUSION TO THE VERMIN!"

    With that, she stalks off. There are some enthusiastic cheers from city employees and a few guards and defenders. Everyone else looks like they're still sorting the speech out in their heads.


  • As the campaign stage is almost ready to be put away, the Rat Master General runs and jumps up on it, with a terrier jumping up beside her.

    Peltarch! I swore to you all that I WOULD KILL ALL RATS!

    My troops and I have been fighting them day and night since the rain began falling and the waters rising, and now that the dead are in the streets, we're still fighting 'em.

    Our battle hasn't finished!

    Vote for me, and I WILL CONTINUE KILLING ALL RATS!

    As she finishes her impromptu speech, the terrier rocks back on its hind legs and howls, then the two of them jump down and go back to work.


  • Raryldor seems to have adopted a small kitten he found in an alley, and can occasionally be seen playing with the adorable ball of fur. Perhaps this is symbolic?


  • _The Rat-Master General and her crew combine electioneering with rodent control, going about waving campaign banners to douse the corpses in quicklime to keep off the rats.

    Several of her crew express a certainty that she'll win a seat, citing decreased turnout among 'squeamish folks'.

    Others worriedly speak of a campaign by Rary to get rats to the polls._


  • A parade of sorts winds its way through the streets, made up largely of ratcatchers and sewerworkers with a few guards and defenders as well. They carry banners reading, "KILL ALLE THEE RATTES" and "VOTE FORE THEE GENRIL," and are loudly banging a batter drum and singing a festive song:

    Oh come all you people, let's kill all the rats
    We'll do it with poisons and ferrets and cats
    We'll kill them all, from market to the docks
    And our biggest weapon is the ballot box

    Oh vote for the general, the Rat-Master General
    Because she'll kill all the rats
    Oh vote for the general, the Rat-Master General
    We're handing out campaign hats

    The rat he is cunning, and vicious and strong
    But against the general, he won't stand up long
    She'll fight him to death from the old senate floor
    And then the vile old rat we shall see nevermore

    Oh vote for the general, the Rat-Master General
    Because she'll kill all the rats
    Oh vote for the general, the Rat-Master General
    Properly dispose of all fats

    Several terriers trail along, loudly howling accompaniment.

    Most of the passerbys give the parade a brief cheer; even if they don't plan on voting for her, nobody likes a rat infestation, and the broad sentiment in the city seems to be that it's nice that someone takes the job seriously even if they are a bit touched.


  • Elva doesn't pay much attention to the speech, but she does pay very close attention to the Terrier

    "D'aaaaw look at the puppy"

    She doesn't take her eyes off it for the entire speech and when people start cheering, she cheers for the puppy.