Celia StClair
-
TRUE LOVE
I would normally have stayed away.
My upbringing at the temple had taught me a great deal about honor, dignity, respect, faith, and compassion among other things. I’ve tried to apply these ideals to my daily life. Like most mortals, there have been times where I’ve fallen short. The influences of daily life often subtly take us off the true path and it is Torm whom guides us back to it.
I was crossing the commons when I saw them together in what to me looked like a personal conversation. What Monsieur Walter and Mademoiselle Shallya were conversing about I had no idea. Normally, I would have stayed away. The Church had always taught me that it was rude to interrupt a conversation between two people, especially when a man and a woman are involved, but I wasn’t thinking of my lessons in the temple, I was thinking of the conversation I had with Walter the night before.
When Walter has been talking to others before, I had walked away. He told me he thought it was jealousy on my part. I made it clear that I would always leave any two people in deep conversation alone. I would wait for my turn and show respect, as myself and my fellow sisters of the convent had been taught. He wouldn’t listen to me. It seemed so important to him, this perceived jealousy. At last I gave in to him and agreed that I would never walk away again.
Seeing them in the commons, I remembered my promise to Walter, so despite my values and the beliefs of my upbringing, I approached and greeted them politely, then settled under one of the trees in the commons.
It only took a few seconds for mademoiselle Shallyah to turn away from Walter and focus her attention on me. The eruption came as a complete surprise to me. I do not remember the exact word she used, just the general lines of attack… You aren’t good enough for Walter… You pity yourself, and he doesn’t need anyone like that… What language are you speaking? Is it even a language?…
The onslaught simply took my breath away. I tried to counter it with humor, comparing my accent to a speech impediment and that she could call it whatever she wanted. Perhaps it was the wrong approach, as it only seemed to make her upset.
I can remember watching Walter, wishing he would do the honourable thing, but instead all he could do was stand there and say Shallyah was his friend. I couldn’t believe for life of me this was happening, it was like something from a dream gone horribly wrong.
I stood up and walked away, and as I did, I could hear her shouting after me in a tone of mockery and in heighten satisfaction “There she goes again”
At no time have I ever meant any harm to this woman. I hardly knew her or have even spoken to her much, and yet she felt the right to unload her vitriol on me. I could only wonder what could bring forth this craving to hurt someone emotionally. Someone with nothing but good intentions. Is humiliating someone a simple pleasure to her? How does someone even begin to formulate the right to berate another so personally? There is no such right. Where is the justice in this? Does she think that she betters herself by doing so? It seems like a self destructive behaviour to me, lifting oneself up by tearing down others. I glanced to Walter and the look in his eye disturbed me. I got the eerie sensation this is what he wanted. It just seemed surreal to me. Could this be a plan between the two of them to hurt me? Why? The thought entered my mind that maybe Shallyah was a victim in this as well, even as her abuse continued.
Perhaps this was Walter’s plan all along. I can’t grasp this being chance, not after last night’s conversation, it is too unlikely. I have to admit to myself I was glamoured by his smooth words. Like a duck sitting on a nest, I was easy to pluck. I am not young any more, nor have I ever been touched by a man. His attention was… nothing but a game it seems. A cruel game, to see how far he could go before he had a broken woman at his feet.
He or them both must still be laughing in petty amusement as I cry to Torm to forgive me for ever thinking I could find true love.
The only true love I will ever find rests in the hands of Torm, as he is my father, and the Church is my mother. Forgive me father, but as long as they are part of the flock I cannot be. I cannot bear to walk alongside of them, even for the good of the land. The grin on their faces as they ripped my heart from my chest has broken my soul.
I had, until this day held great trust in those associated closely with the church of Torm. I know goodness does not always equal kindness; however, there must be some limits to what is considered the correct code of conduct. I hope there are rules about mutual respect in general amongst the associates of the Triad. Simple pettiness cannot be accepted, nor I will not be a part of it.
My trust in man will be broken forever. I will show no mercy to those who walk over bodies to make themselves feel better. I will execute swift justice in favour of those wrongfully treated. This is a lesson I will never forget.
These are my vows.
-
A letter left with Miss Daisy of the Temple of the Triad, sealed in blue wax with a fleur-de-lis imprint, addressed in neat precise handwriting to Rath Ashald-Jorinsen:
Sir Rath,
I have taken the time to study the charter of the Order of the Devine Shield, and I can see no conflicts with the vows I have taken in the service of my lord Torm. I would consider it the utmost honor and solemn duty to join the Order, as it also holds the greatest compassion for what is true and just.
While it is my earnest intention to join the Order and devote my entire being to becoming a humble servant to it’s cause in the name of Torm, there are obligations with my home temple that I must discharge first.
I will therefore have to return south for some weeks to the Temple of Torm and seek permission from my Mother Superior to terminate my current mission and pilgrimage. I have faith that the end of the journey that Torm has sent me on can be found in Narfell at the Temple of the Triad, with the Order of the Divine Shield.
I hope to speak with you soon about the matter.
Yours in Torm,
Sincerely,Celia StClair
