Enduring- Roxanne Vesper's book.
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A Heavy linen covered book, the cloth a study mix with wool, stiffened with a resin. The pages within seem to be of mismatched sizes, ages and qualities. Some hang out slightly from the cover, some dog eared and smudged with the weathering of exposure, others folded and stored not even bound to the spine at all. The inside cover has a single heavy vellum page laminated into the resin as to become part of the linen backing, a block print, even, strong handed script of the following words.
_Roxanne. Suffer on these pages, so that you may endure in your life.
Sister Bellin_
The first few bound pages are a collection of pictures, drawn in charcoal, and very obviously the images put to the paper by a child. Crude stick figures in various ordinary scenes; tilling the soil of a farm, tending to a flock of sheep, and playing in a field with several others. The last of these drawings is oddly out of place, a house with flames licking from it, and several larger stick figures, with pointed teeth, and some sort of fin/ spikes from their backs are mixed in with the family from the pictures before, some with spears run through the other figures. Off to one side of the picture, is a little figure, hiding behind a well with a ghostly drawn figure stooping over the youth, its arms wrapped about her. Two of the larger creatures are drawn past the pair, looking the other direction from them. This last charcoal drawing is wrinkled some, and is smeared in many places from fingerprints on the smaller figures, and water stains across the whole scene.
A few blank pages later gives way to a shaky handed alphabet repeated a few times over, from the top of the page to the bottom, with several letters crossed out, and mistakes growing less as the writing progresses. A few more blank pages and pictures reappear, this time of calming scenes; a brilliant purple flower poking thru a snowbank near a half frozen stream, some deer grazing on golden grass on an autumn day, and a beautifully drawn lake, sparkling in the warm summer sun, a flock of waterfowl swimming about on it.
A few more pages blank, and a flowing script appears, something of a formal journal.
Sister Bellin showed me this book today, said it was kept for me when i needed it. I dont remember drawing the pictures at all, and barely remember writing the letters. She said it was time i had this in my care, and to add to it when the need arose, whatever that means. My years here at the monastery have taught me much, and though i am not quite sure what this book is for, i wont question her wisdom.
A few pages folded in two follow, all with prayers and devotions to Ilmater scripted in an even flowing hand. The next page appears to have been penned many years later.
Today was aweful. The girls that normally ignore me started in on me while we were out picking berries. The went past the usual cruelty i am used to when a sister isnt around. The names i can deal with, but when Sarah started in about me being favored by the sisters, and that i was given special treatment because of who i was… whatever that means... and said i couldnt handle true suffering, and Ilmater took extra pity on people as weak as i... i lost it. I spent the rest of the tenday doing the wash for the entire community, and tending to Sarah's broken arm and her every little need. She is torturing me hourly with requests and if i hear that little bell chime one more time this hour... Please give me the strength to endure this, i ask for no forgiveness.
Another gap in time, with a few blank pages, and one that has been sloppily torn out of the spine.
I had forgotten all about this book, having stuffed it under my bedding. Luckily i found it moving to the new dormitory, before one of the sisters found it and scolded me for my lack of remorse. So much has changed, I met a man,a few tendays ago, in mirror polished armor. Talvir, he said his name was, a Knight sworn to defend those that could not defend themselves. He has taken to me and we spend long hours of the day in the fields, practicing things that the sisters strongly disapprove of. I found i am a " natural " as he says, at combat. Something about having a knack for fighting efficiently, not wasting energy. Little does he know i have the other girls to thank for this skill.
Its been a two tendays since Talvir was supposed to return for my next lesson, and there is no sign of him. I cant focus in temple prayers, and twice now, Sister Morell has caught mistakes in my recitations that have cost me a nights sleep under her tutelage to insure i remember them correctly.
Another span of time, noted by page condition and ink clarity change.
I am back from prayer to find Sister Bellin standing in my room. It seems the monastery has deemed one shall go forth to a town called Norwick to spread his word and ease the suffering there. She said i was chosen, that the others would not have the strength to endure the trip and subsequent amounts of work that needs to be done in this place. She said this is a great honor for me, but i feel as if they are just getting rid of one that doesnt belong here. At any rate, i have few things to pack, and i am off southward, in the morning.