The Journal of Ael'Que Rahael



  • Why?

    I stared at that word for a long, long time. It is the one word that can open up windows of pain, and it leads to far more questons then I perhaps want to answer.

    Why did I come here? To find Rhavaniel. Why? Because I loved her. Why? I have no idea anymore. She was always cruel, and selfish. She never even looked twice at me unless she needed something. And now that she is dead. I can not even picture her face anymore.

    Why do I stay? Because I have no home anymore. Why? Because they were killed and enslaved, our entire tribe wiped out. I use to blame the humans. I slaughtered them everywhere I found them. Men, women children. Why?

    Perhaps because I was afraid to blame myself. Why? I could have stopped Rhavaniel when she wanted to kill the loggers. We would have been able to escape, or perhaps make peace. Instead we fell into the trap and lost all. Now all I have is Norwick, and Uniel. Why?

    Uniel told me she loved me, said she always has. Why? I have no idea, I am far from attractive. And I never treated her well. Why? perhaps it was because I wanted someone to feel how I felt when Rhaveniel treated me cruelly. Now we are together I suppose. Why? Because I fear being alone again. I fear the darkness in my heart will consume me. And I do not want that. I do not want to cause her pain either, I have said I love you to her. But I am not sure myself, I must set her free of me. Why?

    I must find myself first. I must erase this darkness and hatred I feel. I have seen how noble and good the people here are. They have shown me that there is good as well as evil in all races. One in particular, Lady Rith. She is a Dawnbringer, a cleric of Lathander. I am going to approach her, perhaps she can help me find what I am seeking. Perhaps she can help me find redemption.



    • An unusually tall silver haired elf wanders towards the old river crossing, his eyes peer through the gloom and he hefts a sack over his shoulder, the clink of tools and metals is heard. On his hip is a well worn battered sheathe with a worn blade. Muttering to himself* That was a hell of a walk.


    • A lone silver haired elf sits crosslegged on the cliffs of Hero's Bluff. He gazes out across the river and then allows his eyes to be drawn to the blanket spread out before him. On the blanket are three items. The first is a steel smithing hammer with a well worn handle. The second is a set of sergeants insignia. And the third is a gleaming band of gold. He opens a pack and pulls out a fourth item. A dusty worn journal, and opening it carefully he begins to write.*

    Six years since the last time I penned anything in here. Reading back on the older entries I feel as if they were written by another person. So much time, and still I am just an "apprentice" in the gods bedammed union! I never see any of the others. Since i have been with them I have learned little more then what I knew before I joined. I have tried to follow the "laws" Master Z laid out. But no more. I am done with a group who seems to have the sole purpose to tether crafters from ever being all they can be.

    He slips the hammer into his pack before continuing writing.

    The legion. I cannot remember the last time I saw any of the brass. I wonder if Grag is even alive still. I do see some of the line troops around. But mostly we all seem to serve in our own ways.

    He quietly pins the insignia on his cloak next to his Shesae brooch. Then he picks up the gold band and holds it up glinting in the morning sun.

    Esme. So long since I have seen her as well. Is it normal for humans to stay away from thier loved ones so long? I often worry if she is in Oscura. I worry that she avoids me now.

    And Uniel. I saw her recently. She travels with the Shesae often, and has become an accomplished fighter and defender of our people. Afterwards we went to the valley and soaked in the stream. It was like old times. Then today I saw her with Jin. The feelings I felt are wrong. She is my dearest friend and all I have left from our tribe. I wish her all the happiness in the world. Even if that happiness is not with me.

    Standing he gathers the few things he has and packs everything away. Looking towards Peltarch and then Norwick he gazes back out across the river.

    I think it is time I went for a walk.



  • *The hot tropical sun shines down on the silver haired elf as he writes in this journal, he glances over to the waters edge and sees his new bride frolicking in the warm waters. *

    It has been to long since I put pen to paper here. Esmeralda is now my wife. Just the simple joy I get from calling her that is almost worth all the pain and trials we have gone through. The wedding was beautiful. Fadia performed the service and she outdid herself on it. Even the food we catered was perfect, judging by how it all dissapeared so fast. The only disappointing part of the entire service was that there were more Banites then elves present. And of the ones that did show, even ones I was always closest with, only a few offered us congratulations or wishes of happiness.

    He chuckles quietly to himself

    Even Quelcoth showed up to offer us congratulations. Although he seemed to enjoy stressing the "till death do us part' section of the oath.

    He looks over again at his bride

    And Esmeralda. I have no words to describe just how happy she makes me. She supports me in all I do. She is by my side in every endeavor. I was so sad to think her wedding gift was ruined. Imagine my surprise when the gnome appeared on the docks as we were leaving, he completed the enchantment and it is the best shield I have ever seen.

    He hears a shout and looking towards the water he sees Esmeralda holding up a couple of large crabs

    Well looks like dinner is coming, and tomorrow the boat returns for us. We will enjoy this last night here in paradise, and the rest of our lives as well.



  • The Elf pulls the masterworked silver scimitar from the coals and quenches it one last time before setting it down and walking over to the battered old journal

    I sometimes wonder about the turns we take in life. The ones that alter us and our future forever. Even small turns, the seemingly inconsequential ones can have unseen impacts on our lives. Or the lives of others.

    He looks over at the sword for a moment

    I have great skill in forging weapons now. But I still am searching for a elven smith to help me learn the secrets of forging our traditional blades. I will find someone sometime.

    He pulls a small cloth from his pack and inhales the smell of jasmine

    I am still so very happy with Esmeralda. Although sometimes it seems as if the wedding might not happen. The ass that leads the Banite church seems intent on her total obedience to him. I tried to reason with him but the stance that he takes is intolerable. He wants her to be a slave to him and bane. I will not tolerate anyone making a slave of her. I do not know how this will end, and my own people are not ones I feel I can ask for help. They all think it is such an easy thing to just change a faith. It is a thousand times harder when knowing that to leave your church means they will kill you for it. How do I protect her from him?

    He stands and places the scimitar into a newly made sheath before storing it safely away. With a last look at the area to ensure itis clean he turns to the journal one last time.

    Time for another patrol.



  • Well I am wrong again. They can keep me from my child. Oh I could see her as long as I do not act as her father but only as a friend. It seems it would be to confusing for the child to have a father and mother that loved her but not each other. However it would be far less confusing apparently for her only father figure to be a married man that is not the blood father. Or is he? The rumors are out there, Lyda denies them.

    Even some of those I have trusted for years turn on me in this, telling Lyda she is right not to trust me alone with the child. They take her to give birth in a tent instead of the safe walls of town. Lyda and the child were near killed by winter wolves just as the birth was happening. Thank Sehanine the druids grove was so close. The fey will watch over them both, and when she is older I will tell her the truth. Untill then they win.

    My own wedding draws near, and thankfully I have many friends that do see me as the same Ael they have always known and trusted. Kiana and Tindra are becoming more comfortable in their relatonship and seem to be really happy. They have both been firm in their defense of me and Esmeralda. Moon River, Danika, Delawyn, Faelar, Vander, and far more all seem able to accept us. And it is nice to know we will have many of them there on that day.

    Dammit! I forgot pastries.



  • So many answers. Not all of them happy ones. Apparently I was living with Lyda. The toys in the chest are for our child she carries. When I saw her, all I remembered was her breaking up with me. I had no memory or feelings of us as a couple. But learning that I am going to be a father has made me feel happier then I thought it would. I want nothing more then to hold that little bundle in my arms. It seems people can not wrap thier minds around the fact that I will not be going back to Lyda. Alexi even tried to spread the vile rumor that I wanted nothing to do with my own child!

    the paper is nearly torn with the force used to write the next words
    NO ONE IS KEEPING ME FROM MY CHILD.

    Other answers, I know who She was. I was very surprised when I figured it out too. And remembering some of my friends has caused me more pain then I thought possible. Some have turned their back on me, for reasons I am sure are legitimate to them and their faith. They ask me to choose between them and Esmeralda.

    Esmeralda. Just saying her name has me smiling like a kid. Kiana says she has never known me to be as happy as I have been with Esme. Seems the journal did not lie when it made my life seem so sad and depressing. All I know is how I am now. Happy.

    Now where is that camping robe?



  • The handwritng seems oddly different then what was written before

    I walked into the room and looked about. So much was familiar. Yet so much was strange. The bowl of strawberries made me smile. I found some womens lingerie. So I lived with someone. The house is neat and clean. And then I find this journal. Much of this I can remember. But some is to cryptic. The basterd Keeper was selective when he took from me. But I still feel it was worth it. Natalie can rest in peace now.

    I turn these pages, and ask myself, who She was? I obviously cared about her a great deal. Enough to give her up for her own happiness. Val said I was a corporal in the legion. this books says it was true, but not why I left. I remember my friends in the legion, Elva, Cara, Lyda. I read in here that Cara died. It was like it just happened for me. Seems like I spent alot of time being sad in this journal. But I do not feel sad. I still remember Esme. I remember Ama and Therean. Xian, Arlan, and Moonie. Kiana and Jin. Risternil and Doni. And I am still alive.

    Why are the childrens toys in the chest?



  • The one She called the love of her life has returned. The one She thought She would never see again. How would I feel if it was Rosy who had come back instead? There really is only one thing for me to do.

    I will not force her to choose.



  • I am no longer Legion. I thought it would sadden me, but instead I am feeling alright about it. I loved the Legion, but after what has happened, I am not sure I could ever go back. The final straw was being near death and having to be escorted to the temple by a near stranger. All the while legionaires stood around and ignored my condition. Even Esbeth, who was once my most trusted friend. It opened my eyes to many things that day.

    So what to do now. I have been offered a job with the Norwick militia. And Aelthes once asked me to join the Defenders. For now I am taking a break from groups. Since we defeated Furlinastis and ended the Shadow war, perhaps now is a time to think of what I really want out of life.

    Lately I have been thinking alot about horse farms.



  • Amazing.

    For the first time in months I have nothing sad to write about! I have been improving in my training. And have spent much time learning my new craft. I have also spent much time studying the way Ama and Draheem and Arlan fight. They have a way of striking from the sides that is devastating. I practice relentlessly on my own. And have even found an instructor to help me as well.

    And even though I am busier then ever, still we seem to find time together. She is one of the best companions in battle I have ever had. She is calm, never reckless. Smart. And when the battles are done, and it is just us, it seems right. We did not start off exactly on the right foot. But it has definately become better. Last night, for the first time, she stayed.



  • Everyday I spend here teaches me a little more about those I would call friends. You can go through your life thinking you know how they feel about you. Then, suddenly you get the wakeup call of reality.

    It seems that someone I knew and trusted has decided I am a user of women, and someone who is not to be trusted. This would not trouble me so much if they had approached me with it. Instead they seek to spread the lies around , causing me to lose the trust of others. Why?

    I grow so weary of this. I do not thnk I have it in me to even care anymore.



  • Note to self. If you know an area is dangerous, and a friend say"lets just take a peek". Smack em in the head and haul them away from there.

    The alternative is far to costly.



  • I once read in a book that life's greatest teacher is Pain. I always believed he meant physical pain. The kind you receiceve when you fail to block that sword thrust from an opponent. Or when as a child you burn yourself on your mothers stove and learn not to touch the hot pot. But since I have come to Narfell I have learned what he truly meant.

    Pain felt at the betrayal of those you called friends. That has taught me that I am far to trusting and kind. I have no choice left to me. That circle of friends I know I can trust has dwindled considerably. It will stay small. I know that the others will continue to bring others to our group, but in my own mind there will always be just us five.

    The pain of loss of a loved one has taught me to treasure each moment left them, for they can be swept from us as suddenly as blowing out a candle. Cara had come back to us after the loss of her son. We started on patrols again, though I could see in her eyes she was missing a part of herself. And then we died in a Horan ambush. Cara came to me in the fugue, she told me she was not coming back. We talked of many things, things I will never even write here. Then I was swept back, and she stayed behind.

    We held her funeral on the cliffs above the Eldath shrine. Though she was only half elf I thought she deserved a proper elven funeral pyre. As I stood watching the flames consume the first real friend I had when I came to Norwick, a woman of unsurpassing beauty appeared. It was Cara's goddess. Sune. She had come to take Cara home. And when the flames finally faded to ashes I realized that for the first time in years, the tears I shed had not been tears of pain but tears of happiness. I knew Cara was in a better place and more importantly, she was with her son.



  • We have the Shards, but before we could go to the Keeper Val has been taken by the Shadovar! I am trying to help in the search, but when it comes to thngs magical I am out of my league. We have to find her. I just hope she is alive when we do. But the days are passing and no further word from anyone leaves me feeling afraid for her.

    The only bright light in all this is I have spent more time with Her, time I did not think I would have. When I gave Her a gift, the look I received was almost enough to make me rethink my plans. But, that soul needs to be freed.

    But first we find Val.



  • I have found the Shield, with the help of Therean and Daviel and of course Elsbeth. It is even better then I thought it would be, a veritable wall against axe and spear. And on command it projects a circle that no sound can penetrate.

    Lately I have been deeply troubled. I purchased a soul shard from an Oscuran. He was selling the evil thing right in the middle of the commons. I did not want that to be used by someone, I knew this would destroy the soul trapped within. So I purchased it. I am sure they all thought I meant to use it myself.

    I brought it to Daisy at the Triad. I had hoped she might release the soul so it would be able to find peace. Unfortunately she could not. She did tell me the soul was that of a female mercenary who had become a slave. She said the only way to release the soul was to find the maker and convince him to do it. She told me to seek out Val, for Val had brought a similar crystal to her once before and knew much about them.

    And that is where my trouble comes from. According to Val the maker is an Immortal called the Keeper. He makes deals with lost souls, taking a piece of thier soul in trade for showing them to thier final rest. Somehow six came into the possesion of nobles from Oscura. Val had four and mine made five. We need to find the sixth. Then we can travel to the realm of the Keeper and somehow convince him to release the souls. There might only be one form of payment he will take. I have decided to pay that price if need be. I am leaving this journal here in my room. If someone finds it and is reading this, means I did not make it back.

    I just hope She knows I love her and She forgives me for not coming back.



  • Well, for the first time ever I sit and write in this Journal in my own room. I was recently promoted to Corporal in the legion and since there are so many empty rooms, Captain Benji authorized me to have one.

    Our little family continues to grow. The names are quickly becoming numerous enough to need to write them down just to keep track. But I do see a difference already. Many elves who in the past would barely acknowledge our presence now seem to seek us out. Perhaps this will lead to the founding of a new elven camp, or perhaps at least the reclaiming of the old. We can only hope and pray that this happens.

    Lastly, I have been researching a Spellsword who was rumored to have made equipment that could be used in battle against mages. Of partcular interest are the shields he enchanted. They produced a circle of silence around them which prevented many mages and evil priests from casting their spells. My research shows that at least one of these shields was used by a hero in this area. I am getting closer to it. It is just a matter of time.



  • Trusting in my family and friends was never more rewarding then it was today. Elsbeth , myself, Liisa and Vugar all went to patroll the Norwick crypts. The first side went well, but on the second side I was swarmed by the numbers of undead. My companions reacted swiftly. With Lisa and Vugar holding the doorway, almost to their death and Liisa becomiing sickened by the creatures foul bite. Elsbeth, with no hesitation leapt to my aide, managing to stop the bleeding and stabilize me. All the while her beautiful clear voice singing to bolster the others in the battle.

    The result was they were victorious, and Elsbeth saved my life. She has proven herself over and over with our small family. And though not one drop of elven flows through her veins, still I am proud to call her sister. I need to find a way to show her how much she means to us. At least I know her favorite drink now. That will be a start.



  • I almost laugh at myself as I write this. I should have learned long ago. I can only trust myself, my family, and the Swords. I was asked by Sessa to go to the crypts. I agreed, since she was strong with her gods blessings. We arrived, and she cast blessings on me and we went in. It was perfect! We defeated the first group with only minor injuries.

    Then Terno showed up. Still things went very smooth. Untill we rested. Then it changed. She cast her blessings on the bard. Leaving none for me. I guess I was foolish to assume the bard would be able to provide some magical enhancements, because he never did. And then, to my stunned disbelief, she cast her silence spell on the bard! What was worse was he told her to!

    Yes, I could have left such foolishness. Yes I did not have to run in when the bard was close to falling, so he could be healed. Had I done the selfish thing, I would have lived. Instead I sit here, lessened again. And now the lesson has been learned. Know who to trust before you go.



  • For once I am going to write about nothing but happy events! We had the dance in honor of the Seldarine. Ama'bael did a superb job organizing it and with Therean and Elsbeth and Uniel's help, it was flawless. The band and food was excellent! And then Sy'Wyn told an excellent version of the history of the elves. Followed by a beautifull poem by Ama'bael.

    I danced most of the night with Elsbeth, who has become every bit as close to me as Ama and I proudly call her Sister, though she is not of our blood. Had some dances with Elva, and Tindra, and Ama. Uniel pulled guard duty at the last minute so had to miss it. I missed her and almost let myself get bogged down with worry for her. But I knew she was alright. I saved the dress Ama had made for her though, we will just have to have our own private dance soon.