The Personal Memoirs of Elder Fadia of the Circle
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To those i love
Thorn: I love you. I wish things had been different with Adriell. What we have had together has been nothing but joyful. Remember me, and remember that I loved you in ays I couldn't bring myself to love others.
Rith, Lune, and Tindra: Your friendship has been my greatest joy since returning. I would have followed you anywhere in defense of what we know is right. You are my sisters, and it thrills me to know that my last months were spent in your company.
Eluriel: <e>You were my friend since I was a pup, and I would have given anything to see you return to the circle. While we have often had differences of opinion, your friendship to me has meant more to me than you will ever know.
Sy'wyn: I wish we had been closer, but your voice of reason is always welcomed. I wish I had listened more to it.
Jerrick: Take care of the baby, and mind what I taught you. Remember that, as my greatest pupil, I live on in your actions. I trust you to continue to make me proud.
These are my last words. I go to end the Maid of Misfortune's plans for Peltarch. If I do not return, these words are to be read as my memorial.
~Fadia Nailo
Her journal is left in her room at the fuzzy den, lying open to this page</e>
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There is a feeling I get, when involved in some great, years-long quest like this business with the echoes. It comes right at the moment where everything seems to be coming into sharp focus, and I know that we are nearing that great day of reckoning when we will no longer simply be taking each others pawns, and begin seriously looking at how to get each other into check.
I believe that day is coming, sooner rather than later. I may be wrong on many things in my opinion of what is going on, but I now know that, at the least, I am barking up the right tree. That alone is something. Before, it was all blind theorizing on what might be at play. No longer.
Several things seemed to be confirmed in my last trip to the "past".
-There is more to these trips than appears at first blush
-Our foes do not seem to be the only powers at play. When it became clear that our battle was hopeless, we were whisked from the plane.
-I and my friends are now, as Lune put it, "on someone's list of people who know too much".
Through the grace of Mielikki, I will not let Peltarch turn into another Jiyyd. First, I need to speak to some of my Oscuran contacts. I hate the thought of going to that city, but I think there are things that I will learn there, which I could learn nowhere else. At least, nowhere else in Narfell.
Lune and Val have been invaluable resources in all of this. Lune herself may still be a greenhorn adventurer, but she has a remarkable mind and has given our group direction when others of us were lost in speculation. Val has done the same, giving us vital information which we could not have gotten elsewhere. She has poured her heart and soul into all of this, and I do not think that those of us who are "in the know" would be anywhere near that without her work collecting and organizing information.
In any event, this is all beginning to come together. May it be for some far better end than what our foes want.
For my part, I need to go find Eluriel.
-
I have not written in several months, which I deeply regret. I have been so deep in research that I have forgotten the simple pleasure that this time of reflection can bring to me. I am especially glad to have found the time to write now, as I have so very much to reflect upon.
My disapproval of the circle's devotees of the furies is, shall we say, well known. Even within the circle, among those very elders who follow Malar, or Talos, it is no secret that I have not held them in high regard. I cannot say that I trust them, still, however I have been out of line since coming back. What's worse, I have also been out of balance.
The echo that Lorie told me about, from the glenn, was the first time I had any real indication of that. The Defiler, as an apprentice, maintaining views very much like my own. A young man, but full of righteous indignation at the very thought of associating with druids who follow the furies. I agreed wholeheartedly, even enthusiastically, with everything he said. And then, I heard his name.
It was on hearing that story that the first seeds of doubt crept in. "Am I becoming like him?", I wondered. "Is this the path I am following?" I have been assured that it was his lust for power, not his fervor, that led to his fall. Yet the two can be intertwined so very closely. Lorie doesn't understand, I think, but I know that lust for power is within me, too. Why else would I have rushed to take that last shard in Myth Revain? And worse, it's been all bound up with a desire to see what I percieved as Mielikki's will, done.
I haven't told anyone this, but I have been preparing for the day that those darker members of my circle eventually betray us. I have scrolls, and other things, ready to be used against them at the first sign that they mean ill.
What is the reason for stockpiling those, if not lust for power? Power to defend my friends, surely, but power none the less.
I suppose that my point is that I have been wrong, since returning. My resolve to see my family "saved" has only been leading me towards something far darker than elders Harggaku or Bonegnasher. I think that I finally understand why people say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I suppose I should be thankful for these echoes. One of them led me to my first inkling that something was very wrong with me, and my desire to understand them further led to something far more meaningful.
I have met Mielikki herself.
To meet her, though, I first had to come to terms with the circle as it is, now. We guard something far greater than abstract concepts of "good" and "evil", greater even than the much more tangible Rawlinswood. The goal of our circle, and of every other circle on Toril, is to safeguard the very system of the world. The same system whose destabilization led to the avatar crisis so many years ago, the same system that governs what each god has power over, the same system that allows Mielikki to exist at all.
I still will not give our less than savory members my full trust, but it seems to me that they are necessary. I don't like them, but I will defend them as members of this family.
As far as other events are concerned, it seems that **Eluriel** and I are now targets of the hoarans. We were part of an expedition to the gnoll lands to see if we could find cherry wood, or perhaps cherry flavored gnolls. All through the trip, we noticed an eastlander scout following our every move. Eventually, we were approached, condescended to, and had tribute demanded from us. We refused, of course, and found our path back home beset with traps and blockades. Quite amusing, really. Speaking of the eastlanders, I have learned a curious bit of information about their takeover of the camp. It seems that Will and Raver were central to it. I always liked Will. I hope this isn't true. If it is, I'll have to kill him the next time I see him. Even if the romani are gone, my oath still means something to me. I generally wouldn't wish ill on anybody, but I'm starting to think that maybe rushing into the old camp and giving the eastlanders the same treatment N'jast gave Jiyyd isn't such a bad idea. **Liisa** will likely have a fit if I tell her. I'd only just recently talked her down from exploring the camp. Any of that will have to wait, though. I'm neck deep in research on these visions, and all the people, places, and things that go with them. Research which I should really be getting back to. I'll write more once I've learned more.
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A Family of Others
When I have trouble concentrating on getting into reverie, I should just shift into a lion. It's so much easier that way.
Anyway.
Rith, Lorie, Lune. Adriell, Eluriel. Of all of my relationships, these are the ones that, when push comes to shove, I choose over others.
There is no sense denying it, no sense acting like all things are equal. They are as close as family to me, and while they are not the only ones about whom I could say that, they are the ones who reciprocate. Perhaps I'm being a dick about things, but to me that deserves special treatment.
Even when we disagree, as Adri and Eluriel seem to with me on the Phoenix, I don't think there is any ill intent. As Eluriel said when questioning me over them, her goal was to understand why I made the choice that I did.
Well, perhaps "ill intent" is too strong a phrase. "Judgementality" perhaps? I am not sure that is a word.
I don't really feel comfortable writing about the phoenix, here or elsewhere. Hells, I'm still learning what I can and can't talk about. I wish there was something I could say, some way to reassure them that I did not leap blindly into all of this.
In any case, I must talk with them again, I think, to try and calm any nerves that may have been frayed in our last talk on the subject.
There are other things I would write about, but….I would think more on them before I put my thoughts to parchment.
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Never a Dull Moment
It's always something, isn't it?
Life has just been one bit of drama after another, lately, and I haven't been in much of a mood to write. Adriell and Thorn are soulbound now. Yay for them? I really should be happier for my sister. She's always been one of my dearest friends, and this is something that has made her truly happy. The truth is, though, that I'd been having feelings for Thorn for a while, and seeing that opportunity just pass me by left me understandably depressed.
As hard as I've taken it, though, Troff seems to have taken it much, much harder. He'd been involved with Adriell for a while, and this came as something of a shock to him. Well…I'll be honest, "shock" is putting it lightly. He's more or less fallen apart over it. He was always friendly to me, and I feel bad about seeing him like that. However, the way he's reacting is unhealthy to say the least. I'd be lying if I said I thought it was unreasonable to be torn up over something like that, but seriously. Oreth leaving left me devastated, but I didn't obsess over him.
Then there's this business with Aelthas. He'll always be that little infant I held in the camp, to me. That's why it threw me for such a loop when he stopped talking to me all of a sudden a few tendays back. Adriell and Thorn tell me he felt neglected, that I'd been spending so much time with Rith that I had been wildly inconsiderate to my other friends.
I can see where they're coming from, really, and I've already been trying to remedy that. However, I had been going out of my way to spend time with Aelthas since coming back, and still find myself met with….this. He's very dear to me, and likely always will be, but each time I see him I find it harder and harder to avoid pointing out that he's acting nowhere near as mature than the children he's had with Lycka. He's family, but at this point I'm not sure he's worth all this. I'll keep trying, though. I told him I would.
Speaking of spending less time with her, Rith got it into her head that Lorie and I need her help to maintain our other friendships, and decided to start distancing herself from us. It's something I've noticed, lately, but she seems to treat me as if I'm some sort of…child, I suppose. Despite the fact that I'm twice her age. For example, we had an issue with a large fire threatening the woods just south of the gate. I ran to it, of course, ready to cast a quench spell to get things taken care of quickly, yet there she was, calling me back, telling me to let Ronan take care of it.
Ronan's no druid, dammit, and as far as I'm concerned he can kiss my ass.
Even one of the few good things about these past few tendays has brought me a bit of drama. I'm thrilled to have joined the Phoenix Guild, but having Eluriel grill me on it tries my patience.
There is, however, the matter of Lune. She's quickly managed to become the fourth member of the Troublesome Trio, turning it into a Fearsome Foursome. She's a priestess of Lurue, so perhaps it's natural that I would get so close to her so quickly, but either way…I'm quite happy about it.
Anyway, Fight Night is over, Lorie and Rith are snoring away behind me, and I'm sitting here awake because…dammit, I'm an elf. I don't sleep. I'll try for a bit of reverie, though, before they wake up. Maybe when I get up, I'll write a bit more. I don't really know.
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Untitled Entry
Perhaps my language was too harsh in my last entry. I do still care deeply for the circle. It's only natural to! I've been a member for a long time even by elven standards. That's not the kind of commitment one idly tosses aside.
Whether the furies are a part of it or no, the fact of the matter is that the circle does an awful lot of good for the region. People often point to the presence of large numbers of goblins and bugbear as a sign that the circle doesn't really do anything substantial in the forest, but they fail to realize that without us, those numbers would have swelled past the point where their raids on Norwick can be easily repulsed. I understand the frustration that occasionally arises, but the fact of the matter is that we do strike out against them. Ours is a small family, but one who knows how to do its duty to this forest.
Now, however, we have an opportunity to attack them where it hurts. Ronan, Eluriel, Rith, and myself managed to locate the forge where, we believe, the bugbears' weapons are created. If we can eliminate that, then perhaps we could strike a blow to bugbears that, for a while at least, will be crippling. It will be heavily defended however. If a large group moves against it, it will draw attention and extra guards. I think, however, that we can make a difference with this.
It's worthwhile to try, at any rate.
Kara Willendt has returned again. It is good to see her, after all these years. I have so much to talk to her about, and so little time! There is still Solais's work to do. Work which, I have been told, will be key to cleansing the demons from Jiyyd. I also must speak with her about those chaos spirits, and Sarah….
But that is for another day. For now, I am preparing to finally move to regain a piece of the stone Solais made. We have a large, skilled group prepared to set out in a few days to retrieve it, and I for one am thrilled to be taking action instead of simply talking about it. From the sound of things, we might even end up fighting yuan-ti to retrieve it. If so, all the better. They may be dangerous, but each one of them killed is another reason for me to rest easier during my reverie.
It's distressing to think that the circle, as it is now, would likely find their activities acceptable to an extent. When I was archdruid, we did things as Mielikki intends: tend to the all too delicate balance of nature and civilzation, and give no quarter to evil wherever we find it. As it is now, though, the circle's position would likely be to accept the yuan-ti as part of the necessary balance of things in the region. It makes me sick.
When we venture out in the coming days, I will be doing so with the knowledge that I am doing Mielikki's work, work that I swore oaths to always put ahead of even my own life. Other mielikkians in the circle may have forgotten that, but I never will.
Mielikki, guide your servant down the path you choose, whether it be safe or not.
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Untitled Entry
I hate this constantly feeling like I'm just some extraneous piece of equipment people keep bringing along without needing it. I go along with groups of people, yet my contributions never fail to be strictly average. No more, sometimes much less. I get romantically involved with someone, then find that they've got someone else who has come into their life and that my services are no longer required. I'm beginning to wonder why it is that I came back in the first place.
Now, we can add to that that I'm on the verge of completely giving up on the circle. I do not wish to violently force our less goodly elders out of there, but it seems that will be the only way to accomplish anything.
It's like everything that has consumed me since I returned is just collapsing around me, and I don't see any way out.
Steelfin is returning, though. I would be lying if I didn't admit to having some fascination with him, though circumstances when he was first in this region prevented me from addressing that. Perhaps now, he can give me some diversion from all of this.
Gods, I hate this. Whenever I write about these things, I feel sulky and overly dramatic, like some daft child whose problems seem infinitely more serious than they really are. Back when I was an apprentice, I would often threaten to leave the circle in order to get what I wanted. I was simply being bratty and impertinent then, but now I am seriously considering doing so to found another, better circle. One free of the furies.
Eluriel would like that, I know. Rith too. I don't want to alienate the druids who I am already close to, however. I care about them, even as I disagree vehemently with them.
I just don't know what to do, now.
May Mielikki guide me down the path of her choosing, not mine.
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Escalation
The hills outside Jiyyd probably haven't seen this much action since the war with N'jast. Rith, Louhi, Detrick, and dozens of others are frequently joining the two of us out there now, and I think it's beginning to get noticed by the forces which oppose us.
For example, Rith and I had decided to take a trip into the lands around Jiyyd to see what the trolls were up to. We spent several hours walking around, finding nothing unusual, when off to the south we saw the sky suddenly turn red. We returned to find possibly the worst sight I have ever seen: the blood war, the eternal war between demons and devils, was playing out right there before our eyes. Dretches and lemures, vrocks and succubi, even a pit fiend were battling for control over what was once Jiyyd. I'm not sure if this is better or worse for us, but it seems as if the day belonged to the demons.
I am not cut out to fight these creatures. That much has been proven to me by all of our efforts here. I know that fully well on my own, of course, but I hate to be reminded of it by Rith when she tells me about how much my presence there worries her. I can still fight, even if it's not as well as it is against unnatural creatures or hobgoblins, after all. What is happening to Jiyyd is unnatural. Whether they're demons or devils, the creatures who have currently overrun the ruins do not belong here and must be pushed back.
It is not only demons and devils that we must worry about here, though. In fact, there are other creatures who are just as foul lurking just outside the town. Rhyndar, myself, and a mage whose name I did not hear were attacked by a veritable army of shadows and skeletons as we camped on the hill. We decided after the shadows showed up that a retreat would be best, however they had maneuvered themselves between us and the ferry. It was a hard battle, one in which I nearly died in fact, but we fought our way to safety.
Even then, those aren't the only events taking place around Jiyyd. When I get a bit more time, I will have to write about our trip to rescue Thierulf, a knight of Rith's order and the husband of one of her friends. I still need some time to think through all that happened on that trip, however. It included a trek through the woods around Mintas Rhelgor, and the horrors we found there were far greater than anything I remember from previous trips.
On an upbeat note, that trip did end up causing me to come into possession of another pair of rather useful boots. You can never have too many of those, after all. I swear to Mielikki, I must have sixteen or seventeen pair by now.
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Separation Anxiety
Rith being off near Jiyyd is one of the most difficult things I've had to deal with since coming back. I have written before about how dear she is to me, and that is the main cause of my current problems. Not seeing her about every day in the woods causes me constant worry, and so I frequently dare venturing far closer to Jiyyd than I otherwise would alone. All this, to ensure that my dearest, closest friend is unharmed.
I know, somewhere inside, that every visit carries with it great risk. Rith has the tools to handle such things; she is, after all, an expert at dealing with extraplanar threats. I, on the other hand, have learned to brave unspeakable horrors simply to know that my sister and friend has survived another day.
She is the most important person in my life right now, and I'm worried she will be the death of me.
A few days before she left, we encountered this very strange creature, called by a bugbear. I think it was undead, but I can't be certain. What I do know is that it was hard as hell for us to bring down. It even talked with us, calling itself a "Death Knight". Apparently, it had been formerly known as "Sir Gregory", and was a purple dragon knight from Cormyr. We have decided to send his effects back to his family, though Rith wishes to keep his ring and sword, and it seems that I have inherited her old one.
I am thankful for a new weapon, to be completely honest. Given what I have recently resolved to do, losing my scimitar seems to be a very real possibility, if some of the elders found out. Mielikki permits me to use swords such as this, and I intend to see that it is put to good use. I have, in fact, already used it against trolls to devastating effect. If I can get someone to enchant it, perhaps I will find that I favor it over my scimitar anyway.
Speaking of new weapons, I finally managed to obtain enough money to commission a new bow from Eluriel. It is, without a doubt, the finest bow I've ever owned. She made it in front of me, and designed it to my exact proportions. She even carved small representations of whirlwinds along the wood, as a reference to the name she gave me after my wind spells laid waste to the beholder caves: the "Violet Vortex". Personally, I find the name a bit silly, but I suppose that it was given in recognition of one of my larger contributions to an expedition somewhere. I like it for that reason, mainly, and am thrilled to have something to commemorate that.
Aside from that trip, Lorie going on a trip to Cormanthyr like Jerrick did, and from the events with Rith, my new weapons are really the only noteworthy things to happen in the last few days. Others might be happy with such calm, but I find that I grow restless and want something more exciting.
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Rebellious Love
I have often found myself thinking on my experiences around here, lately. Old battles fought ages ago and forgotten by all but the likes of me, people who were once dear friends, but are now nearly lost completely from memory, and the like. It is very easy, therefore, to assume that I have seen everything there is to see around here. Every so often, however, I am proven wrong. Such was the case recently.
The goblins have recently been using this strange, green goop disturbingly often. The subtance augments their physical abilities to the point where they are actually dangerous to engage in close quarters. Even worse, it eventually causes those who ingest it to explode. Obviously, this is something to be concerned about.
Eluriel had been organising an investigation through the order of the divine shield. This apparently posed a problem, as Mariston does not trust the circle, due to its evil members. I can't say that I blame him. I have already written about my own misgivings in that regard, after all. Because of this, I only learned of the trip at the last minute, and I learned of it through Rith. I tagged along with her to the city anyway, to see if I could talk to Eluriel. It was during our converstion that I was informed of Mariston's misgivings.
I had been discussing my own similar ones with Rith on the way to Peltarch. She has been something of a moral compass for me, on this issue. Many times, I have considered leaving the circle over several of its more unsavory members. It is because of her, that I stay. My goal is now to restore the circle to what it once was, and what it should, in fact, still be: a group free from the influence of malarites. I made Eluriel aware of this, and it seemed to assuage a great deal of her anxiety. I can only hope she'll inform Mariston of this as well, if for no other reason then that I hate being lumped in with them.
At any rate, things worked out that I eventually ended up on this trip. And what a strange trip it was! We wandered through an apparently illusory desert, were swarmed by what seemed to be werecats, and dealt with what I think was a mirage. The desert eventually suddenly gave way to the home of a mind flayer, a creature I've not seen since Oreth and I were together. How we encountered him is the reason I titled this entry as I did, and made the statement that I did at the beginning.
We found a mind flayer in bed with a human. A human who had some information on our problem, but which I do not wish to write down in case those unsavory elements I mentioned previously should find and read this journal. Still, a mind flayer in bed with a human! I do not think I've ever seen a more bizarre sight. Oddly, they seemed rather affectionate towards each other, too. Aelthas found it all quite amusing. For my part, I couldn't decide whether to laugh or vomit.
Aelthas has concerned me greatly in the past few days. He seems far, far more dour than usual, and in my experience that's never a good sign. Some of the things he's said since joining the militia are unsettling, as well. I don't know if it's that old archdruid paranoia cropping up or not, but I got a bad feeling when he was vaguely talking about Norwick's enemies in the forest, as if perhaps the circle may be included with them.
In any event, we got some useful information, and I look forward to acting on it further. Even more than that, though, I hope for the chance to prove that I am not like some of the other druids in our circle. I answer only to Mielikki, and not the council of elders. I will continue to feel that way until, at the least, we are free of those damn malarites.
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Please don't follow me
Those were the words Rith said as she trudged off towards the crypts, and away from me. She was prepared to hunt down Raryldor and, if necessary, to kill him.
That was exactly what I didn't want to see happen. He is a very troubled elf right now, and I don't think it was his fault that he attacked me. Rith wouldn't hear any of it though. She's so unnerving when she gets like that. Suddenly the bright, cheerful, affectionate priestess that I know so well disappears, and is replaced with an almost deathly calm, focused, terrifying war priest.
I waited for her all night by the gates. I kept to my cat form, so that I could get her scent when she approached. The relief and joy that I felt when I came to her was so powerful, so overwhelming, that I quite literally jumped for joy when I saw her, alone, and unharmed.
What had happened to cause this was a very odd thing indeed.
I had left my meditation in the glenn and began to head for Norwick. There isn't much that happens around the glenn, which is very good unless you're a bored elf like me who wants action every now and then.
Well, action is what I got.
As soon as I walked in, I noticed a small crowd gathered near the tower. After getting forward a bit, I saw what had captured their attention: Raryldor. He was on the ground, and you could see clear through him. Obviously, that's not exactly normal, and so I went to see if I could assist at all.
My first thought was of that necklace he wears, which I decided to try and remove. Before my fingers even touched it, though, my vision swirled with terrible images of ritual sacrifices of elves.
Someone, I think that priest of Tempus, said something that set him off. He drew his sword, then began fighting like a wild man. In my attempt to separate them, I got attacked as well, and was nearly killed.
I don't know what's happening to Raryldor, but I worry that he'll lose it with the wrong person, and will die ignominiously in the crypts, disgraced, and alone.
If I can help it, I won't let that happen.
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Day I Don't Even Know What
Well, I don't even know where to begin. Should I start with the trip to hell? Should I describe how I was nearly killed as a mine collapsed? Perhaps with how I made someone I love relive one of the worst moments of their life, and nearly got killed for it?
I have had a bad past few days, and haven't been able to sit down and write about it until just now. I've never felt more the fool than I have recently.
Rith is a wonderful person, and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, she has had several issues in the past that would be difficult for anyone to work through. As I've occasionally said to her, "it would be difficult for the best of us, and you're the best of us." I don't want to write down what she's gone through, as much because the thought of any enduring what she endured is difficult for me to bear as it is because I feel so horrible at making her go through it all again. The fact of the matter is this: I was literally left clinging to the tiniest thread of life as she fled the glenn in tears.
I can't blame her for that. I know what happened that made her like this. To an extent, I'd even expected a bad reaction - certainly not the one that she ended up giving me - but I knew it likely wouldn't turn out well. Everything in the end is as it was in the beginning, now. As she said, a new day has dawned, and this is in the past. We are as we were before the incident in the glenn: close friends. Actually, what we have is much deeper and much more emotional than simply being "close friends". Rith says we're sisters now, and for my part I feel like we're much closer than even that.
I would die for her.
We eventually headed to Lorie's den, where we encountered a recently returned Jerrick and had a reunion that picked our spirits back up somewhat. Then it was off to the glenn to retrieve our things, and to the south gate where we simply sat together for hours as we usually do.
This trip through the mines and the hells actually happened before all this business at the glenn. It started out in the bugbear mines in the east woods: though it didn't stay there for long. We'd scarcely been on the lower level for five minutes when things began collapsing around us, and we quickly hurried up again. We headed back to Norwick to lick our wounds, and found no solace there: a large portal directly to one of the nine hells sat outside the south gates, spewing devilish cows at all in the vicinity. I almost fell several times, until the cows subsided. That's when Raryldor jumped into the portal. Rith and I followed, as did a small number of the people at the south gate. Though I did a good bit of fighting toe to hoof with those cows, and Rith did a great deal more than myself or Rary, I am certain that elf will claim that he fought the beasts unaided. This is what he always does, after all. He did so with the dracolich and Wendigo to my face, even though I was there and saw how untrue it was.
My patience for Raryldor has worn very thin these past few tendays. I admit that, in my frustration, I lashed out at him verbally. I am not proud of this, but it was cathartic at the time. To an extent, I miss the person he once was. All he is now is selfishness and materialism wrapped in the shell of an elf I once respected. He even mentioned to Rith that she doesn't know what it's like to keep doing what she does while being spat on for it. Well, Raryldor, maybe if you didn't go out of your way to be a dick to everybody you encounter, you wouldn't have to deal with that.
I am finished writing for now, I think. Writing about this incident with Rith is too difficult for me to handle, and writing about Raryldor just gets me angry. Maybe I'll write more tomorrow.
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Untitled
My return to Narfell has been a joyous one to say the least. The years have helped me to see things that I would not have years ago. I can see, now, with eyes unclouded by the anger that seemed to fuel my every move as archdruid. It is a refreshing thing, and it has helped me to gain a much greater appreciation for the role I'm sworn to play in service to Mielikki. Old habits die hard, though, and every so often I catch myself on the cusp of losing my temper, or of deciding all to hastily to take the most aggressive route I can to solve a problem.
Take, for instance, the lathanderite twins who I followed to the graveyard, recently. They had shown a certain knack for granting wishes, sure, but had given no indication of what they intended to do when they found where Old Norwick laid its dead to rest. I naturally jumped to the conclusion that they were up to no good, and followed them with blade drawn and protections cast against them. This was foolhardy, and did not do anything to help gain the trust of two people who, ultimately, seem to now to have been allies.
Consider as well, my assumption that Jerrick's dispute with Norwick would ultimately lead to violence from one towards the other. Jerrick is a good person, and reasonable. That I would so easily envision my former apprentice acting in such a way frightens me. He was trained better than that, and I know that better than anyone.
It bothers me greatly to think of what I might cause with one slip of the tongue, one misstep, one poorly considered action. What happened with me, Vash't, and Rith is only a small example. Mielikki help me, I felt just awful after that. I still do, to be honest.
Then there's the Raryldor issue. Whenever he says anything, I'm not sure where the elf I knew ends and where that damned necklace begins. I hope to the gods that it's only his necklace making him act that way. If not, I doubt I'm willing to help him at all, at this point. After all he's said, if this all really is him talking, then as far as I'm concerned he could rot. To say what he did to Rith would be inexcusable otherwise.
By far, though, I think what bothers me most of all is the circle. I've devoted much of my life thus far to it, and yet my feelings for it now are apathetic. As I said to Lorie, I could care less about the circle at this point in my life. Jerrick, Lorie, and Rith are the only people I could say I love as much as I once loved the circle. They're my family now, not some group that allows malarites and other types who have hunted me in the past.
Is that odd? I once was the archdruid. The circle should still be my life, even if I've lost that position, and yet it's not. What they do is their business now, and I'll only agree to help if it's to advance Mielikki's cause. I'm still an elder, for now, and I still will give guidance to whatever circle members need it. I will not, however, continue to support them forever. The circle seems to be turning away from the principles that were laid down for it so many years ago, the principles that Andu'mien and Adriell and Malika taught me. I will do what I can to change this, to be sure, but if this change continues to be as unrelenting and extreme as it now is, then I will not be a part of that family for much longer.
In short, I do not like what my circle has become. I like where it seems to be headed even less.
In any case, I began this by writing about joy, and so it will end. Rith and I have tentatively agreed to help those aforementioned lathanderites, to eliminate devils which are plaguing the region. If that is truly all they are doing, then they are good, decent people who I'm happy to help in any way I can. It will feel nice to do something for the benefit of all of Narfell, for a change.
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Day 6
I must admit, I've not given the issue with Jiyyd its proper amount of thought since I got back. I have been going there with increasing frequency, and each time I find the experience to be something of an emotional sucker punch.
That place was very dear to me, and just thinking of the number of times I would go there simply to relax makes it very painful to see it as it is now.
I went there again with Sunny, and found that the demons we had faced when rescuing Thorn seem to have largely vacated the area. Perhaps we banished a sufficient number of them to start preparing to cleanse the town? I do not know, but I hope so. Sunny and Theaon spent a bit of time talking about it the other day, and I told them that I want to be included on any mission to save that town. I don't know if it'll actually get done, but it's nice to hope.
Rith and Raryldor got into a…discussion? I suppose that's what I'd call it. Anyway, it didn't end well. There wasn't any physical altercation at least. I was worried that Rary would attack her. What he said, though, was awful enough. He's under the influence of that necklace, and he doesn't know Rith like I know her. Through the lens of that last bit, however, what he said was nearly unforgivable. I had offered to help him with removing that necklace, but now…I'm just not sure. I'll have to think on whether or not I feel he deserves help.
Sunny and Lorie and I went to fight night a few days ago, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. We met up with another circle member there, a druid named Vash, and I must admit that he was quite the flatterer.
I love being flattered, and the way things went…I'll only say that I made sure he knew that.
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Day 5
I think I'll call him Oreth. Naming him after my ex husband may seem a choice steeped in sentimentality, and truth be told, it probably is. At the same time, though, he reminds me so much of him. Wild, dangerous, mysterious, but also warm and affectionate when you finally get to know him. He certainly will unsettle people in Norwick, that's for sure.
He doesn't even look like other dire wolves I've seen. There's nothing particularly different in his appearance from a regular wolf, aside from his size.
Anyway, spent a lot of time with Rithy, Meril, Eluriel and some other people I don't know as well, today. We traveled north across the Icelace with some trader named Firthram, who needed some mines cleared out for his trading company. Turns out, those mines were infested with spiders, driders, and a bebelith.
It was a hard fought excursion, to be sure. There were nasty creatures at almost every turn, the driders being the worst among them, until the very end of the trip. At one point, they'd nearly killed us all after casting several spells to cause fear within our group. They had nearly everyone paralyzed! I'm not even sure how we got out of that, especially considering the instability of the weave in there. Healing was itself a dangerous proposition with all of that going on. Once we encountered the bebelith, though, we decided to retreat back to Firthram's camp to think of what to do next. Eventually, Firthram and some other elf with a ridiculously long name enlisted Ronan's help in completing a ritual to stabilize the weave in that cave while we fought the bebelith
Once we did that, it was an easy enough fight.
Anyway, after we finished that, we moved on and found some dwarf's grave, along with an epitaph claiming he had been an ally of some elven clan.
All very strange stuff, if you ask me.
Anyway, I'd hoped to get a chance to talk to Rithy once all that was over, but Deet came up, and, well, we got sucked into a group of hin who, while friendly, were far too cheerful for my taste.
Turns out, we never got to have that talk. I'll have to see her again soon, hopefully get to talk to her then.
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Day 4
Got to spend a lot of quality time with Rithy today. Not to sound too overly gushy about her, but she really is an inspiring person. To have endured everything she has, and still maintain her positive outlook is nothing short of astounding. She claims her faith is what got her through all of her roughest times, but given what she's told me about them I think it would certainly be a test, even for me.
Speaking of faith, I've been having a bit of a crisis of it, these past few days. I spoke to Jerrick a few weeks ago about the malarites in the circle. I told him that their inclusion is not the choice I would have made. Had they not been there, though, that ritual that destroyed the dracolich's lair would not have been possible. I find it difficult to decide, now, whether I think they're an asset or a detriment to our circle. I look at some of our oldest allies, such as Eluriel, and I start to think that the cost of that kind of power was too great for it to have been worth it. I have devoted sixty years of my life, now, to this circle. For the first time since I was an apprentice, I'm beginning to have real doubts about my place in it.
Malarites are the ones who had attacked our circle so many times before, after all. Kuuzu, Arthro, and so many other, less notable cultists fell attacking the very glenn where elder Harggaku now gives counsel as an elder of our circle. Call me prejudiced, but something about that isn't right.
a few scribbled out sentences follow, though Harggaku's name is legible once or twice more
At any rate, Rith and I eventually ended up meeting with Brendel, Sol, Ronan, and Tindra. We'd all been intending to join up with a dwarven expedition into the underdark, but I believe the dwarves had left without us. Good thing they did, too.
One by one, people in our group began moving downhill to talk to Thorn, until only Rithy and I were left. We got to where he was just in time to see him disappear in an acrid, foul-smelling cloud of black smoke. Obviously, this was quite alarming to us all, and prompted us to search the area for clues. Eventually, Lorie's pixie familiar, Tojan, caught sight of a hair of Thorn's. Scrying eventually led us to check Jiyyd, but not until after Rithy had been temporarily blinded by the experience. It made for interesting combat.
The battle to save Thorn was, itself, singlularly impressive. Lathander himself saved Rithy from the throes of death after falling to a balor. A balor which we eventually sent back into whatever shadowy realm he's from.
This has been a productive day, but I am worried about Rith's eyes. Anyway, things seem alright for now. Now, I just want to check on Rithy and make sure she's alright. I feel terrible about what happened to her.
//edited because damn, in that last paragraph you could really tell I was only half awake when I wrote this.
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Day 3
Jerrick saved my life today.
I was on a trip with he, Rithy, Ronan, and a few others to the ogre caves. As we traveled, we found ourselves facing scores of undead in addition to hill giants. As we ventured further, we encountered a necromancer named Quintin, amd decided to try following him.
This led us to the very thing that almost killed me. A vampire named Lillia was waiting in the wings deep in the cave. She was, by all accounts, very powerful. For much of the fight, I was unconcious, until some spell hit me at the end and left me nearly dead. I was only saved when Jerrick resuscitated me, and I came to to find Rithy badly wounded and the rest of our group in slightly better, but still bad shape.
We eventually decided to withdraw after another somewhat closer encounter, and on our way out we met a woman from Peltarch's far scouts. After some bickering with her over her relations with Quintin, we returned to Peltarch to discuss,nor in my case rest.
When I left the inn, the first thing I saw was Rithy talking with thatfar scout woman, just wrapping up her conversation. Apparently, the woman indicated that the Norwick crypts would hold some important revelations about Lillia, and we took a trip down there after gathering a large group.
Sadly, we found nothing but ghouls.
After we'd all returned, Brendel pulled Jerrick aside for a conversation which quickly became heated and led to the latter storming off. Lorie, Rithy and I followed him, with Rithy and I eventually leaving Lorie alone with him.
Rithy and I decided to spend some time alone together, and…well, I won't list any of what happened here. Ronan can be a nice guy, but damn I wish he hadn't shown up when he did.
Anyway, I think I'll go see if Rithy is doing anything tomorrow.
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Day 2
What a day. I don’t even know where to start with any of this. Things started off fairly simply, too. I was simply out hunting for truffles when Rithy rides up on Jerrick, who had turned himself into a dire tiger. They’d been out fighting bugbears, which is nothing to be surprised at, and were off to sell things. I figured I’d wait around for them in town, and left the south gate since it was getting far too crowded and chaotic for my tastes.
While I was waiting, Lorie walked up, and I got a chance to talk to her. I mentioned earlier in this journal how worried I am about Tindra, and decided to express those feelings to her. I feel better, I suppose. It’s hard to put into words. I miss her terribly, and would do almost anything to see her again. I trust Lorie, though, and I think she wants this all to work out favorably for everyone.
A while passed before Rith and Jerrick stopped by, and we somehow ended up getting ready to head out on some trip with Eluriel to protect her while she chopped wood, or something. I wasn’t exactly clear what we were going to be doing, but figured I’d tag along since everyone I know was going too. On the way there, Eluriel informed me that some rather regrettable things I’d said to Sy’wyn years ago were still affecting the relationship between the two of us. I was rather shocked, as I’d half forgotten what conflicts I’d even had with him. I still don’t quite remember what caused the rift between the two of us, but dammit if I wasn’t going to try to fix that.
As we were heading out from Norwick, I got my chance. We’d barely left the south gate when we heard the guards sounding the alarm. It was coming from the north! I can’t even remember the last time I heard of an attack on Norwick’s north gate, but I know Jiyyd was still standing then. Some gnolls with siege weapons were trying to raid the town, and all the other adventurers in Norwick made their way there to repulse them. A half-orc fell in the fighting, not sure who he was. I hate seeing that, though. I should’ve been paying more attention, maybe I could’ve gotten to him in time to heal his wounds. Anyway, once the battle had concluded, I spoke to Sy as several others, including my friends, headed off North to track the gnolls.
Now, this is where things got confusing. I returned to my friends find that some disagreement had taken place between Rith and Jerrick, causing Rith to wander off on her own into town. I wanted to ask her if I could help at all, but I got followed by Sol who decided to fill any silence with her attempts at advice. Her heart was in the right place, I’m sure, but the two of us, followed by the addition of Ronan, obviously made her feel crowded. She snapped a bit at Sol, then gave me a hug and asked me for a little space.
Gods, I must be annoying. I’ll have to be sure to apologize to her at some point.
Anyway, things eventually worked out, and she and Jerrick made up and returned to all of us in rare form, and we had one hell of a time running around outside of Norwick and generally acting like idiots. Gods, it was fun! I haven’t enjoyed myself that much in years.
Once we’d all finished playing around, Jerrick and Lorie decided to head off for a bit of “private time”, and I decided to see if I could spend a bit of time of my own with Vash’t. I don’t want to go into details, but some things happened which managed to edge the conversation away from just the friendly, slightly flirty discussion I’d hoped to have to simply needing to let off a bit of steam. He’s a great listener, though, and one of the people I’m really enjoying getting to know since getting back.
Right, I think that about covers all our recent events. I think I might go see if Rithy and Jerrick are busy. I could use a bit of adventure.
