3. The Book of Dawn

The Book of Dawn


  • I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.
    I am happy.


  • ::This page has been torn off::


  • ::Untitled entry::

    The top of this page has several dots and attempts for a letter, indicating that the writer has rested her quill on it several times, some of them for quite a while, as if wanting to write something, but not knowing how. Finally, almost in the middle of the page, there is a single line.

    .

    F

    \

    I

    Lathander give me strength.


  • Dreams

    Well, it has been some weeks since last I wrote an entry. That drawing is taking most of my time, specially learning to use the necessary tools, diferent styles and how to achieve the effects, shades and reflections that I want.

    It's good to have a friend that is a professional painter to guide me through it all and give me his advice. I'm learning in mere minutes things that would take me months to discover by myself. Though in the other hand, he could probably do what I'm doing in ten times less the time, and the result would be ten times better. Ah well, practice makes perfect. Hopefully it'll be good enough for Lorie and the others to like it.

    On to really serious matters, we finally went into Lorie's dreams to try to get rid of her nightmares. Jerrick, Thorn, Fadia, Lune and Rasuil were there with me. I -believe- we succeeded. At least, it looks like we could overcome her fears. We met Tindra, and I mean the real Tindra. She looked in good shape, not very mourned or decayed. I'll want to talk with her sometime… when she's not overwhelmed by information and emotions. At that point, though, she was still under the thought that the Dark Enchantress had some power over her, and forced her to attack us. We were sadly forced to subdue her, and then battle a few nightmares, including one of the Dark Enchantress herself. Luckily those nightmares seemed to "die" easily. Eventually, we met the Fey that Lorie had sealed a deal with to torment Tindra and keep her sulking into Lorie's subconcious.

    Jerrick insisted in challenging the Fey to duel, and it struck me as the typical "honor" thing that I'm so tired of, specially since I share a lot of time with paladins. So when the Fey hinted that Lorie was already pegnant, and knowing what kind of deal it had with her, I couldn't hold back, and beat the thing senseless.

    However, seems that Jerrick actually had a plan and not a mere overdose of manly hormones, so I trusted him when he asked again to be allowed to duel the Fey. He knows the deals and the oaths of their kind, so I healed the Fey back to full shape with pain in my heart. If nothing else, I had shown the Fey that it had no chance against us all, and dueling Jerick now probably looked like a more attractive choice to the vile spirit, one that couldn't be refused.

    Jerrick won the duel easily, and tricked the Fey into a soul stone that he kept. I admit I'd rather see the creature fully gone, but once again, I'll trust Jerrick, because it's what friends do, and I know he wants to keep Lorie from any risks as much as I do.

    It was then when Lorie and Tindra, for first time, could be in front of each other, and talk directly. Tindra, in realization of what was going on, slapped Lorie in the face, and scolded her furiously. It was tense moments, because we knew Tindra had full rights to be as upset as she was. Slowly, we dared to chime in, try to let Tindra know that we understood her feelings, but that Lorie was very regretful, and had spent years planning a way to return her.

    Albeit reluctantly, Tindra accepted our explanations, and slowly became more open and friendly, what I believe is her own self. We all understood that she and Lorie had much to talk about, so we decided to give them some time together, and returned to ourselves.

    Thorn, Lune and Rasuil left then, and Fadia stayed outside, at which point Jerrick and I saw Tindra awake. Yes, Tindra. She took control of her consciousness, as Lorie was exhausted, and first she went downstairs to talk a bit with Fadia, while Jerrick and I had a talk ourselves about Lorie and Tindra, and how to try and make it easier for them both. I am of course a bit worried, and I told him so. He said I shouldn't be worried, and he is right. Everything will be alright.

    After a bit, Tindra and Fadia came upstairs, and we could have some talk with Kitty, as Sparkly would call her. She needs to catch up on a lot of things, I don't understand how she can cope… it must be really confusing. And it will be even more confusing since a lot of people never knew she stopped being Tindra for a lot of years, and they'll be puzzled at her not recognizing them or things they had talked before.

    In the end, once we got past the formalities, Tindra proved to be quite likeable person. She was quick to think mischievously about the possibilities of us two looking so alike, and when my weakness for kitties was exposed as I hugged Tiger-Jerrick, she graced me with some panther cuddles. Oh and she has such a nice accent. I believe we will get along very well.

    I hope we are good enough to make her feel at home, and loved. I won't deny, however, that I want to see my Lorie as soon as possible, and give her a hug and have some nice talk. To be fair, I also want to have a nice talk with Tindra about... things.

    I'm a bit exhausted and my head is a mess due to lack of rest and overdose of emotions, so I best wrap up this entry for today, and write more when I've had those talks with Tindra and Lorie.

    Today was a good day, I think, but this is quite not over. I suppose we have to wait to see what Lorie and Tindra decide, and help them carry it out. That may prove challenging too, but we won't be lacking in efforts to see it through. Lorie, Tindra, your nightmares are over. Now it's time to dream.

    P.S. Lorie is pregnant! I must remember to congratulate her, I kind of forgot in the middle of all the shock. I'm so happy for her. She really deserves it. Her very own child, and nobody will try to take it from her. I hope she will let me craddle it sometimes!


  • Duties

    I believe it is time I write an index of the things that currently occupy my mind, so I can order my thoughts and act upon them.

    Jiyyd's Cleansing - The battle continues, and it will keep so until the demons, undead and fiendish summoners are gone for good. The almost daily banishing of them isn't returning many visible effects, though the very least some word may be spreading in the darkest corners of the world that Jiyyd is a bad place of choice to come into the material plane. I know my cause is true, and I will never give up on it. There must be something powerful that lures them like flies to a honey jar. Is it just the leylines, and the menhirs, or is there something more that I fail yet to see? I have a couple of plans, risky, but that may yield a reward. Not even this journal will know of them, yet. If the demons refuse to give up and we can't find a way to shut the menhirs and whatever other portals exist in the area, I'll take a more drastic approach. I know I am ready for it.

    Drow in the Rawlins - Despite Jiyyd's problem being more of a priority to the whole land and myself, the presence of drow in the surface, and specially the presence of the High Priestesss that recognized me, is what steals most of my sleep. I can't allow that fear to dominate me. Recently I was in an expedition to the Underdark, and after a mere minutes into it, and before we spotted any drow, I couldn't keep going and had to return. I had Fadia try to help me with the problem again, and there is progress. Hopefully I will soon be able to engage drow as any other enemy of good. I hear there is a couple of followers of Shevarash hunting these drow, but I haven't had the chance to meet them.

    Banish Missfortune - Yet another thing that threatens the whole land, though I feel like it's avoiding me lately. I know Eluriel is neck deep in it, so I'll be supportive to her and allow her to take the lead on our course of action, if she should need my aid. There is something wicked and evil in the dispute for the Lucky Coins and it must be stopped before the fate of the whole land falls in the wrong hands.

    Fir'rethsar and Rail'kansunelal - After much exploring and fighting, we cleared the way for the couple of intrepid elves to find the depths of all the horrors that meant the end of a brothership of human, elf and dwarf alike. A golden alliance that should be example for us all even nowadays. Myth Revain has been found. And rests on us the responsibility to honour the memory of that sacred alliance of the past, and vanquish the ancient evil that should have never been.

    The Burning Man - Some being, apparently a druid, has decided that the forest is corrupted and needs to be purged by fire. Needs to be "reset" to be reborn from its ashes. At least that is as far as I understood. It appears that some of the Circle Elders are afraid that this threat could be very real, and have mentioned some immense elemental power stirring. We'll see what comes out of that, but even if I can't agree with some of the aspects that the Druid Circle represents, I find myself obliged to offer them my aid and support in this matter.

    Lorelai - She ocupies my mind, obviously. I left the more personal topics for the end, but doesn't mean I think less of them. I want her saved, and I know I must be patient. I know I must trust those that like me, love her. I will do so. I feel the time is coming, and then I'll be there. It doesn't matter to me what it takes to save her. And Tindra. For now, whenever we have some time together, I try to get the most of it. We play funny pranks on our friends, and bring them with us to talk about light topics, have laughs and giggles, and take life as we want to. There will be time for being serious and trascendental.

    Fadia - She's been having a bit of a crisis lately. Aparently Aelthas has been poisoning her mind, attempting to turn her against myself. Perhaps it is as Lorelai said, and his jealousy is blinding him. However, even though I know I am flawed as all human beings, I am way better than to enter his low game. Here was I, trying to convince both my sisters to try to restore their relationship with him despite our diferences, and I only receive hatred and malice in return. I would be angry, but again I am better than that. I feel only pity for his missled soul. Fortunately, Fadia is stronger than what she thinks she is. I've told her to try and speak up more often, even against me. She is a Druid Elder, and that is a tittle that is not just granted, but reached with great amounts of effort and earned respect. I trust her and love her. I know she will manage, and I'll be there for anything she needs.

    Jerrick - I needed to have a talk with him, confess how I felt when he and Andu returned. I know that if I want to keep loving him, I can't let any taints, as small as they are, linger in my mind. I noticed him more distant lately, as if not feeling comfortable around me. I know is not fair for me to think that he'd be avoiding me, since I've been more dodgy lately myself. Still, after a Circle meeting recently I managed to get him to sit with me for a talk, and we had a nice evening, I think. I confessed, and even though he didn't think my feelings were justified, he accepted that I could have felt like that, and told me that I shouldn't worry. He is as afraid as I am about Lorie, I would never expect otherwise. He just seems more introverted about it. After a bit of friendly talk, I could see again the old Jerrick I loved like a brother. I'm glad that he is back. I too needed him. I know we will disagree on some things, but that is only good. We are two diferent people.

    I am sure I am forgetting some things, but I'll tackle them as they come. Lathander give me Strength and Wisdom to not disappoint any of those I care for in any of these matters.


  • Sunny and Cloudy

    ::The following entries are written in a rosy red ink that seems to shimmer in the light, giving it a curious sparkling effect::

    So, Sparkly brought new ink. It's not quite what I was expecting, but the change is welcome. Perhaps the bright and joyful colour of this ink will help to raise my spirits for the upcoming ordeals.

    I have to make sure I find her soon and give her her reward, as I promised. I just hope she likes it, took a bit of questing to get it done. Only fair, too, I bet getting the ink took her quite a bit of questing too.

    To catch up with events in my life, I've been having a hard time. Too many things worry me, and I have to learn how to act around them. The one that worries me most is the fact that drow High Priestess that had me as her pet trophy in the underdark has found me in the Rawlinswood, and worse, she has recognized me. She even thinks she can reclaim me, and the very thought terrorizes me. That has stolen my sleep for many a night since then and has had me on edge, because she represents all that I dread. I'm almost as afraid for the loss of my freedom as I am for the fact that I live in the same home as the people I love dearly and the very thought of Drow attempting to assault it to find me and finding someone else along the way makes me shudder.

    For this reason I have been trying to take some distance from Fadia and Lorelai. I have been also considering to leave the Fuzzy Den, but I know them both, and they wouldn't allow me, or they would reduce me to tears that way only they can, making me feel guilty about the simple thought of moving out.

    I have been thinking lately, that I shouldn't try to protect them like that. I mean… I really, really don't want them to come to harm because of me, but they have told me many times that it's their right to care for me, because they love me. I have been thinking that if something happened to them, I'd like to be the first to know so that I can stand with them, whatever comes. They deserve to be given the same choice.

    With Lorie, there are additional reasons, too. For one, whether I trust Aelthas or not, he is still important to her, and I feel like because of me they are drifting away from each other. I know better than to put distance between people that love each other, and whatever the circumstances, it still pains me and makes me feel guilty.

    Another reason is that Jerrick and Andu are back, and they seem to be deciding by themselves what to do with Lorie's problem. It would appear that all the cares, sleepless nights and research I carried in all this time that they were "finding themselves" hasn't even been taken into account.

    By the way I write that is easily noted that I haven't been happy about it. At first, it hurt me and gave a painful sting in my heart, but once again, some time of time of reflexion and meditation showed me that possibly the best I could do was just take a step back no matter how dearly I love Lorelai. I just hope none of them insults my feelings at any point by hinting that they care for her more than I do.

    I suppose Lorie knows me too well, though, and saw through pretty quickly. I don't think I was being that obvious, but she said she could feel it, like she can feel when the clouds cover the Sun, even without need to look at the sky directly. Her words soothed me as she dug the truth out of me. She wants me close, she said, which I know. She asked me to be Sunny again for her, and I accepted in exchange for her to try to include Aelthas back into her life, and to not leave me in the dark with her problem.

    I've been feeling quite well since that talk. I just hope I haven't offended anyone with my less than optimal mood during those days.

    On another news, we have met a new person that seems really kind and entertaining to have around. Her name is Lune, priestess to Lurue, the Lady Unicorn. Her optimism, friendliness and generosity are worth praising, and we have been helping her to get on her feet, showing her places of Narfell, as well as telling her some of the things that are to be known. I hope she sticks around, her presence is welcome, and I bet she'll be a great asset to the land when she becomes more experienced.

    By the way, Benji has formally asked me to be priest for his wedding! Seems he has been speaking with Talyna, and either he convinced her, or she didn't mind. The wedding will take place in the Silver Valley, date is yet to be confirmed. I feel extremelly happy and honoured too that they would want me to carry their wedding ceremony, the least I can do is correspond their trust with the best wedding ceremony ever had. Congratulations Benji, you really deserve love, and I'm proud to be the one seeing that it is blessed and sacred in the eyes of the gods.


  • ::Untittled entry::

    Well, it seems like Lorie had still some ink afterall…

    What? I think I know what ink this is.

    I suppose I'll have to wait with writing next entry.

    Dear Lord Lathander, my eyes. Tojan…


  • Abnormal Normality

    What a day. That probably sums up everything and nothing of what I've lived today…

    To start with, I was embarked in a journey sponsored by Kara Willendt with many others to see some Circle of Power somewhere in some remote cold lands, where we had to fight many a winterwolf and frost giant. Then we reached the destination, where I nicely served as scarecrow for a few more hours. I thank Lathander for granting me prayers to guard me against the elements, else I'd be part of the landscape now. I thank Benji too, for being that awesome mixture of naive and witty that makes him always a great company.

    We entertained each other with stories about our lives and past experiences, while the rest of the group used their super magical marks to do whatever we had actually come to do. There was a moment when I asked Benji if he loved me. I was mostly jesting, but the face he put while saying "I… love LOVE Talyna" was worth the whole trip.

    I also offered formally, jokes aside, to be his priest for the wedding. He said he had to talk about it with his wife-to-be, as she's rather traditional when it comes to those things, and likely prefers a hin. I respect that, plus I find it fair. He said that if his girlfriend prefers to go for a hin priest, I can probably be his best man. I told him I'm not a man, but woah… I'm really honoured by him even considering me a possibility.

    In the end the job was done so we returned to Peltarch. I was rather exhausted, so I headed towards the Den to have a proper sleep. Of course, I was halted at Norwick's South Gates, just when Lorie arrived to them too. The name of Jerrick popped up there, and Rico said that he had gone into a portal at the menhirs south of Norwick.

    Oh boy did I run. When I was halfway there I saw a dark flash overtaking me on my right. It was Lorie. As I ran I nodded at her, and we both jumped into the portal without question. We don't need words to communicate anymore, it feels so great to be so connected to a person. Specially one as kind and selfless as she is. No matter what she thinks she owes to anyone.

    The portal actually took us to a diferent plane. Go figure, it wasn't like Jerrick to take a regular travel into a just mildly dangerous area. It had to be planes of chaos, else it wasn't good enough. The good news was that even though what my training as Dawnbringer taught me about turning outsiders, was meant to be aimed to demons and devils primarily, it also works with any outsider creatures. In this case, we met slaadi.

    That was after reaching Jerrick and the group he was leading into those tunnels, just to gather some tongues in exchange for some coin, apparently. Whatever, he got a hug as crushing as I can give it, and a promise that once we were out of there we'd spend time together to catch up. The trip was more or less uneventful in that the Slaadi didn't seem to offer much resistance, until we came out, and an Obsidian one was waiting.

    Oh that stopped being fun then. None of us could harm it properly and it had cast something nasty on Lorie, leaving her helpless on the ground. Jerrick went immediately to aid her, which took our best chance to harm the creature out of the scene, while it kept launching all kinds of crazy attacks and spells at us.

    I only had one card left, and used it - from the ground itself, next to the slaad, I managed to pull a huge Earth Elemental. To everyone's relief, the Obsidian Slaad had exhausted most of its spells, and in hand-to-hand combat it held no chance against the rocky guardian, that mashed the extra-planar frog into a bloody mess.

    Ran to Lorie, panicking. Jerrick was breathing life into her and my world was turning dark as I saw her immobile… until she finally coughed a catty cough, and opened her eyes. I wanted to go and hug her, but she was receiving much better attention than I could give her, so I limited myself to give her arm a small squeeze as Jerrick held her.

    Back to Norwick, we saw the corpse of a blue dragon, and people started telling a story about some man came and beat it with his fists? That was rather unbelievable but then one of the Ancient Argents landed between all of us.

    Wow... Being Cormyrian I can tell I had seen quite a few dragons in my life, but an Ancient? And a Silver, to top it? What I felt when I saw the majestic, colossal, elegant creature was undescribable. I think I kept there, with my mouth half open, just looking at it amazed. I think most of the rest of people didn't really appreciate the -great- honour they were witnessing.

    Oh well... I think it came to demand the body of the blue dragon... I wasn't really paying much attention to other than the creature's overwhelming presence. It left soon too, so Jerrick, Lorie and I decided to go have a soak at the Den's hot springs.

    There we caught up a little bit on what's been going on. Spoke about Andu too. And about the nightmares, and how to tackle them as soon as possible. Also about ourselves a bit, what has been going on. When we were there, inside the hot springs, the couple of beautiful lovers cuddling, and I with them… it all felt like it had always been. Like everything had returned to normal. Even if our lives are everything except normal.

    I think I felt very jealous to see them holding each other, like a volcano of care and affection. And two yards from them, there was I, in my glacier. I demanded a hug, rather childish, I know. They granted it happily. Immediately Lorie saw into my eyes, and began to speak about Vash't. She knows me too well, probably better than I know myself, even if some people like to claim we don't know each other as much as to feel so attached.

    Vash't… he just vanished after the first time we actually managed to have a half decent conversation about ourselves. No letters, no messages, no nothing. Perhaps it's how it should be. I feel like if I had expected him to do otherwise, I'd be demanding more than I'm willing to give. I can't demand anything of him if he feels there was nothing between us. A relationship works only when it goes both ways, so I'll just assume things as they are and try to not punish myself excessively. Lorie saw through once again, and said that leaving without a word is what wood people do. She put Jerrick as example. Truth is, seeing how she suffers for him, that doesn't really comfort m–

    Damn, ran out of ink. I hope Tojan brings some soon.


  • ::Untitled entry::

    Finally had some time for each other, Lorie and I. It would seem that everytime we met since she had returned, a problem arose, or third persons dragged us elsewhere, with mostly depressive topics to discuss, or deal with.

    While all of that is well my duty, my sister deserves some of my time, too. And even if I was a bit tired after a long day, I am glad I could finally share a decent amount of it with her.

    I think we were both very mushy, but that's fine. I love when emotions blossom to my skin and mere words can make my very senses tremble. And when I can feel the same is happening to the person that is next to me. Specially if that person is to me the most precious being on the face of Toril.

    Talked about what anyone would imagine two soulbound sisters that haven't had chance to be with each other for a couple of months would talk. Scolded each other for putting ourselves in danger, then admitted that due to our natures, it's always going to keep being like that, so perhaps we should resign to the idea that we'll keep stepping into harm's way, but that we'll keep together as often as we can, so we can protect each other. She promised me she's never ever again going on a long trip alone, and I promised her that if she does, she'll have me along, no matter what.

    Of all the things we talked, she told me a couple of extremelly beautiful things that reached deep inside me, that sent that gentle pinch into my chest, in a place that I can't point out but if I had to put a name, I'd undoubtely call it my soul. Said that I inspire her, and that thanks to me she's even accepting her "borrowed" body as her own. It makes me happy to hear that she accepts herself. I sure accept and love her as she is, so should she. I also returned her sincerity with my own. How since we became so close, everything I do seems better, how I stopped being an outsider and undead slaying automaton to become a loving woman, how I can forget sorrow and ignore pain as long as my little sister will be there for me, so I'll keep finding energies in aiding my Lord's cause to fight whatever threatens the freedom and joy of humankind and its allies.

    In the end, what I couldn't fight was my tiredness, and slowly fell asleep cuddling her on the cushions. My soul rests at peace today, and I feel ready to try to be better than I am in all aspects. I've noticed I've been a bit irritated lately. Snappy, even rasp. I didn't even feel like writing in this journal, because of lack of stimuli to do so. And because I camped in front of Jiyyd to both fight demons, and shelter those I love and respect from my changing mood.

    Like Vash't, who little by little is crawling into my heart with mere tenderness, patience and understanding. I do not know what he sees in me. I think I am far from the woman that anyone would want. Stubborn, obstinate, with a knack for getting extremelly dangerous, undesired attention, and a woman of faith while at it. Yet he brings out the vulnerable girl that needs the loving embrace of a man to feel safe. In fairness, that is what I am: just a human woman, with the needs of a human woman, in all aspects. He is probably just one of the few who actually stopped to see through all the barriers I raise around me. I know the reasons for I do this. Lathander knows, too. Now, Vash't does as well, and he is fine with it, or so he says. I can't help but feeling guilty about seeing him piercing through everything and reaching out for my heart. I know if he keeps up we'll suffer. He'd willingly suffer for much less than me, he said. I know I would suffer for much less than him, too. And perhaps now I am too tired to keep running from that pain. Perhaps it's the time to face it. Otherwise, I risk never achieving Joy.

    And speaking of joy, I know I'll feel it when I see Fadia and Jerrick coming out of the forests. I've almost resigned myself to think they're druids, and I should just accept that from time to time they'll just turn into animals and run into the forest to be one with the wilderness. It just seems a little unfair that all who love them are denied of their presence. But I am not one to complain about that, when my own faith and duty raises so many barriers between me and those that love me.

    In any case, I hope they both return soon, this loving priestess longs for the day they'll be between her arms again.

    I love you all, my friends, my family. Never go away from me.


  • ::Untitled entry::

    She's back!


  • Sisters

    How curious it is that one same word can mean a lot of diferent things, even when you keep saying it constantly. One of those words, is indeed "sister", or its counterpart, "brother". Sometimes I wonder if I am not cheapening its meaning by throwing it left and right, but I find myself unable to find a more fitting word. And yet everytime I say it, it has an important weight inbuilt, not just something I say lightly.

    For example, I call sister, or brother, to anyone that follows Lathander. Being Lathanderite binds that person to myself in a vague sense of family. While that person may or may not get along with myself, there is a "higher motive" that makes them stand out for me. This would be people like ~Locrian~, ~C'tan~, ~Dawn~ and to an extent, ~Troff~.

    One notch higher is my real sister. I loved her, like I could love no one else at one point. Can't lie oneself - blood ties are what they are. Sometimes a blessing, sometimes a burden. However, ~Careena~ had been the most important piece in my life until her demise. I miss her direly, and so I pray to Lathander that her soul is not suffering in afterlife.

    An even higher "meaning" of the word is delivered to members of the Order of the Divine Shield where I serve. I know I would blindly give my life defending that of the other members. They have my trust, both the battlefield and outside, along with my utmost dedication to their causes and their worries. An unquestionable sense of trust that lies in knowing that their reasons to take any action will be always righteous and fair. Amongst those those I call brothers or sisters within the Order I count notable individuals like ~Sir Mariston~, ~Sir Shannon~, ~Sir Roland~, ~Lady Elena~, ~Eluriel~…

    And finally, the highest sense of the word. I say highest, because I trust these people even when common sense sometimes may advice not to. Because instead of the security and safety offered by the members of my Order, I am offered a leap of Faith that I am willing to take every time. A sweet, loving leap of Faith. It's this irrational sense of being close to someone for reasons unknown, when you have just "connected" into someone else's life stream, this pure feeling that brightens my soul with the mere sight of those I am proud to call my sisters under these circumstances. This is undoubtely a spot reserved in my heart for ~Lorie~, but also for ~Fadia~ and ~Jerrick~.

    Sadly, as some earn their status of sisters and brothers in my eyes, others that might have earned it, fall in the way side. Some actions can be forgiven, but not forgotten. It is good that I've always been wary about certain someones so that I don't suffer parting with them once some of their true identities are revealed. May Lathander ever let me see through deception, and to never allow bias to cloud my judgement.

    That said, I'd likely defend any of them, from any of the groups, with my own life. I suposse I'd do so even for any innocent that I stumbled upon along my difficult path. This path I thread more and more carefully as I grow.

    I've been pondering lately a few things. My principles, my reasons, my motivations. I slowly see myself drifting towards more radical ways of dealing with evil threats. Where in the past I'd offer a Yuan-ti a chance to parley and reach a peace agreement, now I see that peace is reached once all the yuan-ti are killed and burned.

    This worries me more than I want to think about. Perhaps I'm hanging too much with the paladins, reading and following their codes? Perhaps I gave up on hope for a world of ultimate peace, where inherently evil races are redeemed and can live in harmony with the rest.

    Perhaps I'm being allowed to live too long for my own good. While elves do live very long as well, they are prepared since the time they exist as race and through countless generations. I am merely a young girl trapped in an eternal body. I lack the gift of patience, living in a haste every day, wanting things done yesterday better than today. This strikes as very paradoxical to me, but in a sense, I'm still just a young human girl.

    In other news, and also speaking about sisters, Lorie has left this morning for Cormanthyr. For first time ever, I managed to sleep last night next to her while she kept in her half-elf self. That is impressive progress considering some things. However, as I mentioned in other entries, she is a special case even amongst all special cases. She really is my one, loving little sister.

    I gave her my Holy Symbol of Lathander so it keeps her safe. She asked if I'm not going to miss it. I avoided her question by saying that the only thing I know is that if it keeps her safe, I want her to have it. I can not lie to her, I know that I am going to miss it. That Holy Symbol is the last possession I'd part with in life. But I suposse I'm grasping at straws, hoping that it will keep her from harm when her safety is out of my reach. That some higher power will make sure that the necklace is returned to its rightful owner, somehow. The idea of anything happening to her while I can't intervene terrorizes me. Probably she should have waited until we fixed her problems, but as my sister I understand how she feels and I offered her my honest support.

    I pray today to Lathander to grant her uneventful, safe travels. And to Selune, to protect her precious daughter. May the Sun and the Moon keep you ever from harm, lil sis. At least as long as I can't do it myself.

    Post Script: I trimmed my hair quite a bit. I think it's the first time in my life I actually take chunk off. I have to admit, it was getting in the way a lot during combat, and more than one damnable creature had already used it to get a grip on me and distract me, or get an upper hand. It feels quite more confortable now.


  • Inner Fears

    Yesterday I was gifted with one of the most beautiful images in my life. When I returned home, I found Tawny and Sparkly on top of my bed. The best of all is that they were cuddling together, Tawny almost seemed to be protectively guarding the little pixie against exterior threats, and the little brat was actually resting on Tawny's fur, hugging one of her paws. I could have melted at the simple sight of it, so much that I decided to walk out and not disturb them at all.

    Lately I've felt extremelly sensitive, even considering how sensitive I already am normally. Some of this is not as good as it may sound. For example, sometimes I wonder if the brand that the drow left in me, will be fully erased one day. And sadly, I don't see that day coming. Some memories are as fresh as if they had just happened. Sometimes I dream of it, and it's so very real that I can't tell if it's really a dream.

    I need to be cured of this, because it's haunting me, and making it really hard for me. I can't trust myself to even sleep with anyone, neither lover or friend, afraid of my own subconscious triggering and hurting them. I have already hurt someone who is so dear to me as ~Fadia~, when a few days ago she took me to the Druid Glenn and I agreed to let her help me with a shock therapy, but before we went any deep my subconscious took over me, the image of drow torturing and possessing me filled my mind, and I panicked, leaving my dear friend senseless as I ran uncontrollably into the forests to sob under a tree.

    I can't let this happen, not with the people I love. I recently confessed to ~Lorie~ that of all the nights I kept her company to sleep with her like the sisters we are, I've actually never managed to catch my sleep, and just watched over her while she slept. I am afraid of waking up in the middle of the night and finding her hugging me and somehow my own mind identifying this as a threat to my freedom, and reacting abruptly, like it did with Fadia and a couple of my lovers in the past. Somehow with Lorie is diferent, though. My own mind identifies her as my little sister, someone that needs my protection, and I've never had any episodes remotely close as those with her. Even then, only managed to catch my sleep the times she agreed to sleep as a kitty, since fortunately I don't have a trauma with felines.

    Lorie and Fadia have both been very supportive, and said they'd help me try to overcome my fears, my phobia to drow and irrational reaction to anything that my subconscious identifies as loss of freedom, or being dominated by anyone. Some of the consequences of having being a drow slave for one whole year, and having dreaded every second of it.

    On brighter news, ~Jerrick~ is back, finally. He seems… changed, somehow. Perhaps he's just tired because of the journey, but I am glad in any case. He has a notch taken off one ear, and when I offered him to fix it he said he wanted to keep it. Also... he's been a bit distant to me, but I'll indulge him, as I'm sure he's had a rough time. I'll keep loving him all the same and giving him all my support.

    It was quite convenient that just as he returned, while we walked into the Den to have a talk and a drink, Izakiel, the mad mage, appeared demanding some answers. I am told that earlier he had turned me into a balor and I had been fighting a red dragon and then a war machine. That story is one I definitely don't want to think excessively about, but this time he began to spawn some creepers and strange creatures before vanishing. It was rather challenging to get rid of some of them, specially when I didn't even have my armor on. Whatever that crazy mage is up to, it can be no good.

    Other than these personal episodes with a lot of varied emotions, lately a few things have been going on. I finally managed to find ~Lycka~ and we had a decent talk about the vampires, and their goals. It was insightful for me, as she has lived the story closely from the beginning, even before the vampires arrived to Narfell, and she even was in the group that found the Lathanderite necklace for the first time. I find myself enjoying her company as she is a very friendly, open minded and knowledgeable woman with an extremelly unique gift for art and history. As a lover of art and in general, beautiful things, I can't but feel humbled by some so-called bards, and Lycka is definitely one of them. We agreed to have another talk soon, to the finish story-telling we decided to split to not overdo ourselves. Though I have the feeling she could keep talking for hours without really minding it.

    I'm sure Lycka would find worth telling the small tale about ~Raryldor~ angering whatever fiend he angered, and opening a portal to Hell just in front of Norwick. That elf worries me overly lately. Specially since I feel he is not "evil" per se, but his actions are doubtious, to say the least. Before anyone could notice, Fiendish bovines began to rush out like an stampede, and we were engaged into a fight with them. They were really hard to hit and they did hit back harshly. After a bit, Raryldor himself jumped into the portal recklessly, and while I do not really like him, I wasn't going to let him get killed alone in Hell either, so I followed. Then some others came behind, some of which didn't dare to take a step before heading out again, making use of their common sense.

    I admit that once inside I wished to know the source of the grave roaring that came from the depths of the fragment of hell in which we were, but instead we all stepped out after clearing out the most immediately threatening hell bovines, and returned outside so that I could seal the portal. A combination Greater Dispell to null the magical energies, Banishment to repel the outsider traces, and Sunbeam to cleanse and hallow the grounds, shut down the fissure and made sure that it wouldn't be open again anytime soon.

    And since I am speaking of Raryldor, I'll need to find him. His ruthlessness has gone too far as to attack Fadia and others inside the walls of Norwick. I do not wish to confront him with force, but it will be so if he doesn't leave me other choice. He needs to realize that he's being toyed with and his own spite is consuming what remains of his sanity. I was told he fled into the Norwick crypts and there I went, clearing all the way to the underdark as an extra service to the Morninglord, but I could not find him. I hope that when I do, he can listen to reason. Else one of us could come to harm, and that does not benefit any of the good parties. I'll pray to Lathander tonight, so that the best possible outcome is reached in this situation.

    Post Script: ~Z~ has finished my Silver Sword which I plan to use as base for an enchantment. It is beautiful. I was pretty sleepy when he brought it to me, but Jerrick tested it himself and said the balance is perfect, and the blade is suitable to receive any enchantments I can imbue into it. Z had the detail of making a golden hilt for it, probably knowing how I love that colour, so I'll take advantage of it to ornate it with Lathanderite motives. I am still deciding how I want the blade to be imbued exactly, but once I reach a decission I'll get to work on it.


  • Dawnbringing

    The world is a wonderful place. At least, I live to make sure it's so. The price to pay is that sometimes for me, it can't be that wonderful. Does that matter, I ask myself. Of course it doesn't. I take on this duty of mine as a pleasure, a gift. I do not feel burdened, I do not understand what I do as a sacrifice, nor I think of myself as a martyr.

    In life, we have our roles. Mine is branded into my soul, and I am pleased. I've been asked often where do I take pleasure from, in being a Dawnbringer. The answer is easy. When Lathander's touch brings a smile to the face of a wounded traveller, I take pleasure. When a friend of mine tells me that she loves me because of what I am, I take pleasure. When a peasant woman can look into her child's eyes one more day, because the village wasn't overrun by undead, I take pleasure.

    And that pleasure, is undescribable, and it's all around. It goes over and yonder the limitations of our simple, mortal language. It allows me to move mountains, to dig the land with my bare teeth and to jump into the Abyss with only my Faith as a weapon.

    The only thing I'm afraid of, is not being good enough at what I do. I know it, I seek perfection. Not the perfection of being flawless in all the aspects of life, love and war. I seek only perfection in achieving the greatest reward, the optimal result to every situation. I am hard to satisfy, but I am also hard to let down, so one balances the other.

    Why this small reflexion, then? Because I keep coming across situations in which "we win" but we don't quite reach the "perfect win". It really tears me to no be able to bring forth the best result for everyone, sometimes not even for those I love most. Of course, optimism reigns over me, and fortunately those that are closest, like ~Lorie~ and ~Fadia~ have such ease to turn around my worst day, and put a silly smile on my face.

    It's precisely people like them that I've come across some great threats, and while I'm aware that neither them or I are nearly the strongest fighters out there, somehow, when together, it feels like we'd overcome anything.

    There have been a couple of recent examples, like when a few days ago after a rather entertaining Fight Night, Sir Shannon had been leading a Helmite High Watcher to the Temple of Helm in Jiyyd, to study our request on reopening it to be of service to the Order in the retaking of the land for the free races. I offered my services of course, which Sir Shannon made use of in asking me to escort the Helmites and clear the path for them.

    This is normally a trivial task, considering the gifts that the Morninglord grants me against these foul beasts, but in effect, this day wasn't going to be trivial in any way. A Glabrezu stood in the way, and only Lorie, ~Benji~, and I were there to get past it. Common sense would have adviced to withdraw and attempt the investigation at other time. Dawnbringer sense demanded for the foul beast to be banished from its existence in the material plane.

    Charged with the word of Lathander while Lorie and Benji supported my attack. The first assault lasted only a few minutes. We endured a lot of pain from the creature, its hide hard as adamantium, and its spells and attacks harsh and incredibly efficient. At one point, Benji was running around for his life with a summoned succubus after him and Lorie laid on the ground, unconscious, as an Evard's Tentacle spell was crushing her into the afterlife. Fortunately, Lathander allowed me to hold her soul from a last thin thread of life, and bring her back with us, to regroup and reconsider our strategy.

    After reporting the situation to Sir Shannon, he graned us some of Torm's blessings and we took determination on returning for a second assault. The Glabrezu had been wounded just slightly on the first assault as we had spent most of our resources into surviving his offense, but now with his offensive spells exhausted, we could take a more aggressive approach. The strategy was simple - I'd try to endure what physical pain the Glabrezu would inflict and attempt to retaliate while Benji pierced at its defenses. On the charge, my Lathanderite command forced the demon's succubus ally to flee and a fierce combat was engaged against the bigger beast alone.

    The massive claws of the demon kept crushing against my Mirrorshield, and sometimes getting past it. I truly exhausted every little bit of Divine power I had in me, but eventually, when I was out of breath and my defenses were being breached by the enraged beast's attacks, a final, accurate bolt of Benji hit it between the eyes, and the hulking monster dropped on its knees, and then into the ground.

    Had I been asked if such an unlikely group like us three could rival a Glabrezu, my answer would have been negative. Specially as I lack the martial proficency and physical build to hold close quarters on such formidable enemy. But when the beast was presented in front of us - there was only one possible outcome, the one that was reached.

    I was a bit disappointed to find that the Temple of Helm couldn't have been unsealed anyway, as the High Watcher considered that it wasn't the time for it. He is the Helmite, so he knows better, and we all respected his judgement as we intended to return, and a Hezrou wanted to make things even more difficult for us. Fortunately, this type I know very well already, enough to make the fight end before it even started by commanding them to submit to Lathander's will. It did fire off a couple of spells, but most of the time it struggled to get as far as possible from my holy symbol, and eventually we brought it down with projectiles.

    I think the most possitive balance I could bring from that expedition, is that I finally had a chance to apologize formally to Sir Shannon. He had denied me such chance in the past, and I couldn't blame him for it. This time he listened, and he did accept my honest words. I feel extremelly relieved, but even then, I shall back my words with actions, for words are words alone, and I feel that deep in his heart, he may still be either hurt or disappointed for what happened back then.

    On other news, after reporting to the Order how inefficient was my warhammer against the demonic hides of the Glabrezu and Hezrou, ~Sir Mariston~ adviced me to become proficent in the training of bladed weapons. While I generally despise such weapons, as the magical ones can sometimes severe the victim's soul, I reckon there isn't much soul to worry about in a demon, so I acquired a well crafted Greatsword to undergo martial training.

    What best place to train it, than in Jiyyd itself? I wanted to try it against demon hides, so after demons I went. Fadia insisted in tagging along, too, so I brought her. Truth be told, we didn't find many demons, but when we were turning around a hill we found Quintin, and two huge undead minotaur bodyguards.

    He began to babble again in riddles, and I tire of him, so I was quite fair and straight to him. Since he was the one putting Lillia's wards down a few days ago, which probably saved my life, I gave him that much quarter. Offered him the chance to flee this one time with the promise of erasing him from the world on next encounter. However, his minions weren't offered such chance, and I proceeded to destroy them in front of him.

    Even though he played as dirty as he could, and healed them, summoning also additional minions, none of his tricks could withstand the might of the Morninglord. It struck me that he seemed surprised. Dear Lord Lathander, how blind are our enemies to Your gift, that they may need proof of it before realizing what they are facing. It didn't end well in any case, as Quintin acted against my advice and attacked Fadia with a Word of Faith. The retaliation was implacable.

    I do not know if I should take with humour or indignation the fact that he understimated Lathander and I, but after but a few moments that coward excuse for a necromancer barely managed to drag himself away with what was remaining of his pathetic life after using a Haste spell. Next time there won't be debts of honour, and I will make sure there is no possible retreat either.

    It is worrysome that he is closing to the Black Leaved Tree location too, so he will be dealt with sooner than later. Related to all that, is Lillia, which was just sitting in Norwick when we returned, taking a sunbath. It irritates me that such being is able to enjoy my Lord's gifts, but there, in the middle of Norwick, an open assault wasn't a clever idea. Moreso when I returned diseased and exhausted from Quintin's encounter, and Lillia is no small foe.

    Instead we stablished conversation with her, Fadia and I. She told us her story, which I found kind of moving, if it was true at all. She also provided very valious information on the motives and whereabouts of the three vampire elders she sired and are threatening Narfell now. Lidérc, who is the most immediate threat and should be found around Mintas, Danag Stix, who is apparently a bloodthirsting murderer, and last but not least, Quintin's master, whose name I can't write down in this book without risking it burning whole because of it. The mere mention of that name gave me a wicked vision, so I foresee communicating it to ohers won't be an easy task.

    All in all, I also offered Lillia chance to surrender herself to Lathander, and perhaps he'd be merciful to her, and her soul would rest in peace for eternity. She declined, as I feared, and as such, she will too have to face the Morninglord's Light the hard way, when the day comes. First things first, however. Lidérc and Quintin are immediate threats to whole Narfell and they must be stopped immediately.

    For the rest… I've been going out of the way now and then to help others, or just to share time with them. Even some ogre and orc hunting, with ~Ronan~, ~Vash't~ and others. I do try to sorround myself with as many friends as possible, to make up for other needs I have and I can't fullfill.

    If I was to analyze this entry as a whole and reduce it into a single parraph, I'd say that above my own needs, my duties are what they are, and I am proud of them. I shall keep destroying those that threaten the safety and wellbeing of the innocent. I shall keep banishing demons and devils from our plane, no matter where they hide. I shall keep hunting down undead aberrations into the core of the world itself. And I shall keep trying to spread my love, as I allow myself to feel loved by those dear to me.

    In short, I shall always keep Dawnbringing. Not because I have to, but because I want to.


  • ::Untittled entry::

    ~Jerrcik~ is still not back, and I begin to worry. I think that it is as consequence of that, that ~Lorie~ doesn't get out that much. I think she is more worried than she likes to admit, but that is natural. I'm with her, so she'll be alright.

    I do go out quite often still. For example, not a few days ago I went to help Eluriel with this Firthram elf as he wanted help clearing some mines filled with spiders. We were quite a few people there, so the task didn't seem like it would be very hard, but we found quite a few hurdles along the way.

    Firstly, spiders and ettercaps appearaed in great amounts, but soon after we started being attacked by magic eaters. These little beasts are more sturdy than they'd seem, and if not dealt with quickly they could become quite a problem. Eventually we reached the mines without spending excessive resources, and adventured inside.

    As we went deeper we noticed that the cave had magical disturbances. While the top level seemed to be subject to Wild Magic, the bottom level seemed to be affected by Null Magic instead. That made quite challenging to fence off some of the threats, but we did find the bottom of the cave. The deeper we got, the more and more driders that began to attack us as well.

    And at the end of everything, a bebilith demon. I was surprised by the presence of such in there, of all things. Alright, it does look like a spider, but bebiliths are known for sticking to the Abyss and hardly ever leaving it, so it had been definitely summoned. Also, bebiliths feed from tana'ri, mostly, while this one seemed more like a guardian dog, forced to block the way to something.

    Exhausted as we were and devoid of magical enhancements as well as denied of the use of magic, the bebilith would be a formidable foe that we could not defeat, so we decided to head back to discuss a way to approach the creature, while having a proper meal and rest after a whole day in the mines.

    The elves and Ronan worked together with Firthram to disable the null magic fields of the cave, at least temporary. amd they seemed to succeed. Since we didn't know how long it'd last, we hurried back to engage the bebilith. Now with our magical enhancements up, and with our magical arsenal at our disposal, we were in much better position. In fact, it was all over almost before it began. I remember we hit ~Kenton~ with every defensive spell we could so he could taunt the demonic beast into facing him, but I don't think it was able to lash our a full attack before all kinds of projectiles, both physical and magical, had it helpless and banished.

    I pressed forward taking advantage of some of my most powerful short-duration prayers topped with Ronan's Haste spell, just to find the very bottom of the tunnel was filled with all kind of driders and spiders. I lashed out full bow attack while the rest soon joined and no trace of the drider corruption remained in place. I think it was Ronan once again that managed to get rid of the Drider summoning circle as our scouts found a sarcophagus and a locked chest.

    Upon examination, the sarcophagus seemed to belong to a noble dwarf that in the past had forged an alliance with the elves. As peculiar as that sounded, I felt hopeful that such alliances existed between races that typically hold such animosity for each other.

    We made sure that the resting place of this dwarf wasn't disturbed and told Firthram to investigate upon it on our way back. After all, our mission was complete. I was glad to have helped in such, as the alliances between races is a crucial step to achieve peace and to overcome greater threats.

    The rest of my days since that have been mostly quiet. Spent quite a lot of time around ~Fadia~. She's told me again that she likes me as more than a friend, and it hurts me still that I can't get myself to give her more than a deep, heart-felt friendship. She understands, she says. She's happy with my love as a friend, she says too. I know she suffers when she sees me with ~C'tan~, ~Vash't~ or other of my male friends, because she also knows she can't compete in that aspect.

    I've promised to her that she is much more important to me than any men. It is true, I feel a deep respect for her and her feelings, plus she really is supportive and it has been more than once now that she has given me a hug or a kiss when I really needed it. Spent some time in the bath house too, where I revealed her my most secretive and intimate fears. She keeps sticking to me, even though she knows there is no chance we will get physical together, and she keeps being supportive and caring, listening to me and just sharing her time. That proves to me that her friendship is true and pure, not based off any terrenal desire. I treasure it, and fills my heart with Joy. She has also suffered a great deal with the loss of her love, Oreth, and I sympathyze a lot with her. She is too becoming a sister which I'd undoubtely die for. I will give her as much as I possibly can. She deserves it.

    Starting off by helping her with a problem that seems to have returned recently. Apparently an old hero of the Jiyyd war called Solais Aran created a stone that contained his essence, and that stone has been shattered in 4 pieces that are spred over Narfell. Some people were marked and created some kind of bond with him, and those now feel called upon to help him. I have to admit that I feel a bit out of place, because I hadn't received such mark and I don't know if my presence would make or break something, but I'll offer full support to Fadia on the matter. My services as Dawnbringer will be at hers and Ronan's disposal, who is also involved.

    I started this entry talking of Jerrick, and so it will end. wherever you are, my friend, return sound and safe. Please don't make me have to go and drag you back. Time goes by quite slowly without you around, and this uncertainty. I'll pray to Lathander tonight so that He keeps you safe. Please don't make us worry.


  • Chosen

    My Faith has never faltered, and Lathander knows that. Perhaps that is why I once met His Avatar, and He told me that I had been Chosen. He knows His reasons, I only know that I've always done what my heart has told me.

    When I think about it, as per my Church's standards, I am not such an ideal follower of the Morninglord. I don't preach that much, I am not very disciplined and adult-mannered in public and I am quite more tolerant than what most codes would care to explain.

    But to me, bringing Lathander's Light to the world has always come naturally. I just do what my heart tells me is right, nothing else. I do not make sacrifices that I am aware of being a sacrifice. If I may have done sacrifices, I didn't see them as such, but as something natural that anyone in my position would have done. I am just me, Rith. It is exhilarating to feel that even then, He is pleased with my actions even when I only do what I feel right, without following a book or an instruction manual.

    Today has been possibly the day where I've felt most graced by the Morninglord in the last 50 years. Since early in the morning, when ~Fadia~ knocked the Den's door to discuss some matters, I've felt His tangible presence, and I mean for real. I can always feel Lathander's presence, but today I could caress it.

    It wasn't long before ~Clandra~, my old bard friend, appeared in front of my eyes. I had been wishing to meet her, but I was told she was sadly gone. Sometimes she had been spotted appearing near the Peltarch Theater. But suddenly she was at the "Fuzzy Den", all the way down into the Rawlins? I have said many times that I do not believe in coincidences. And so I am not going to start now.

    After a nice talk, I noticed that the presence was even more tangible, when flowers and grass started to grow even inside the Den cave where we were. What is more, the place filled with a scent of spring, lovely and beautiful scent.

    Lastly, I was gifted a lioness cub. My weakness for felines is now no secret to anybody, but this came just after I had been considering to ask ~Jerrick~ or ~Lorie~ to help me befriend a feline from the Rawlins to make me company. The timing, the way it happened. My heart was shining with Joy.

    The day advanced, and I met Lorie and ~Brendel~, who decided to sit down to tell the whole story of what happened in Cormanthyr. Later joined ~Ronan~ and ~Soliel~ But just as Brendel was done, ~Thorn~ appeared nearby and began to feel weird. When I arrived to check, he had vanished into thin air, only leaving behind a hair that Tojan could find, which I used to perform a Divination. Alas, the malign forces involved were very strong, and the price I had to pay was losing temporary my sight.

    I admit I panicked for a moment. Too many memories of the time I spent slaved with the drow, and the ten years after that I spent blind. However, After a while I began to see lights and blurs, so I was hopeful that I would recover my sight. Unfortunately, the target of the Divination showed the temple of Helm in Jiyyd, and even though the trip took quite a while and I recovered some of my sight, I wasn't really in any decent condition for combat. I limited myself to Turn the demons whenever my friends called out for it. I was told that ~Chasen~ joined us at some point too, though as I explained, I wasn't in condition to see much.

    Numerous demons attacked. Demonic warriors by the scores, aided by diferent kinds of horrors, and even incubi and succubi. After navigating through all of that, we reached the Temple of Helm, where Ronan informed us that he had spotted Thorn. The bad news - a balor was in custody of him. That's it, a Greater Demon of the deepest layers of the abyss, and in front of it, our small group, that would barely qualify as a scouting party.

    There wasn't much time to start faltering however, and just as I recovered a larger portion of my sight, just enough to distinguish shapes and colours, I noticed Ronan arming himself to attack the demon, and at least, provide a distraction. I attempted to put a blade barrier in the way of the demon, but it just stepped over it, letting itself impaled and taking the pain with a grunt as it charged to us. I saw then blurs, flashes, flame and shadow flickering in my hazy view. Ronan was unloading his arsenal on the demon, that kept resisting most of his spells, and then engaged it in melee with his wards up while everyone threw everything they could at it. I felt Ronan dealing a lot of hurt, but also taking it quickly as he had to retreat.

    Seeing that I could barely see who to heal and I was out of reach anyway, I attempted to taunt the beast with some beams of Searing Light. It worked. It worked too well - Ronan managed to drag himself to safety while now the beast charged me. I couldn't see but a huge roaring and flaming blur charging me as I batted my warhammer blindly in the air.

    Then pain. Accute, raw pain. Felt the huge flame sword of the balor through my lungs, burning my entrails as it impaled me. Felt the emptiness and cold embrace of death as the demon pulled it out, leaving but a hole of the size of a fist in my chest. I fell to my knees, extended my arms and looked up at the demon. - "The Light will… find you..." were my last words as the beast raised its sword again to behead me just as as insult, for it knew I was already dead anyway.

    A distraction came from its back before it delivered that final blow - more spells hit it as Ronan had received some healing and began to unload the rest of his arsenal, which drew the beast's attention immediately. I fell, and noticed my soul being pulled away from my broken body. My heart stopped beating. My lungs, collapsed with my own blood, stopped breathing.

    My world ended, became blackness, empty, and still. Then, I saw a Light, too bright to determine its shape, but too warm and welcoming to stop looking at it as I heard the soothing, alluring masculine voice. - "Rith. Your courage is stunning. Your cause is just. Your life is precious. I shall not see you fall, my Chosen. Not today." - And as those words were spoken I felt how a gentle ethereal hand picked me up and tenderly put me back into my body. When I opened my eyes I saw everyone around me, shocked, wondering how the fatal wound in my chest a few moments ago was just... gone. My health condition was just pristine, except for my sight, that was still blurry.

    A few yards away, the balor laid immobile, its soul banished from our plane as the last battery of spells from Ronan had managed to finally take it down. Thorn was also happily alive and well so with a bit of help from Fadia and Lorie, I stood back up, and we all walked back to safety. The day was fully graced when from the cache of magical items that the balor was keeping, I was allowed to keep a pair of Tormite blessed gauntlets that seem to fit perfectly my needs for future dealings with powerful creatures of evil.

    I have no words. I am honestly overwhelmed and speechless. In my last entry I wished for You, my lord, to protect those that I love. You showed me that you would with your signals at the Den, but then You directly graced me with Your gentle rebirthing touch.

    And since I have no words to describe how I feel, I will just keep doing what I've done so far, that has earned me such great honours and favours. I will keep following my heart, loving my people, and aiding those in need until the day that I may gather with You, my Lord, in the Blessed Fields of Elysium.


  • Family affairs

    When one talks about family, she refers to a group of people that having blood ties, live under the same sentiment of Love. The definition implies that sometimes this Love is irrational, just based on pure trust, or on a magical unseen, intangible force, that can't be explained with other words than "because it is my family". It is that irrational, unexplainable Love the engine of a family, that keeps it together, and together they overcome any hurdles along the way.

    But what when there are no blood ties? What when a "family" is an even higher concept of irrational, unexplained Love towards people that you just "feel" you belong with. How do I explain this need I have to love and be loved by those that one day opened their heart to me, and earned mine so deeply and inconditionally?

    Yes, I have no doubts. It -is- a family. My family. Source of the strongest emotions I feel. Family is what makes me feel alive, what makes me have faith, what makes me trust beyond what can be seen or proven. It is also what breaks me, what makes me feel vulnerable and sometimes, helpless.

    Vulnerable because I do not fear anything in this life for myself, but I fear for my family. I can take a million lashes and endure them stoically, but watching my family take even a single lash would break me. Helpless because I understand that the members of my family sometimes take decissions that they feel right, and I must support them, but leave me in a position where I can not help beyond doing that, supporting.

    These are the feelings that come to me today. For one, because ~Jerrick~ has decided to part to Cormanthyr and try to help Feather with her problem. While the details are vague, appears that he has to kill some man, apparently Feather's father, to stop him from killing everyone close to his ex-fiancee, including herself. I understand his decission, his sense of honour and loyalty to a woman he once promised the world. I respect it too. Doesn't mean I am not afraid of what could happen. Of all the things that could happen. He should be back soon, Lathander willing. He went with my blessing and with my sincerest Love.

    And then, there is ~Lorie~. Her problems touch me directly, not only because she has become so dear to me, but also because we formed a bond and her suffering causes me suffering. She reminds me very much of the only blood sister I had, Careena, who met a tragic end after being possessed by the spirit of en evil sorceress. The fact that there is a possibility for Lorie to go through the same and that I don't know very well what can I do to help her other than by being close to her to soothe her, is consuming my thoughts. She reminds me every time to a fraction of an old poem I wrote, "Walking Through Life":

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    With no falter and no fears
    I paint colours in the sky
    and my crying doesn't hurt me
    so long you don't cry.

    And that is her. I have promised. Everything will be alright. I want to think so. I know so. But the feeling that I can't change much in the life of who matters so much to me, the uncertainty is hardly bearable. To make it even worse, I learned recently that she's had nightmares that involved me being lost to her. I can't become a source of pain to her, I refuse.

    I lay next to her now, as I write this. Her face seems so calm, so filled with peace right now. Meanwhile, I pray for her, as I can't catch my sleep while she's just here, for fear of having her suffer one of her nightmares, that she might, or might not awake from.

    Please Lathander, I beg You. Protect my familiy. Yes, we share no blood ties. Yes, one is a lycanthrope and the other is a lone wolf. But I Love them with my very soul. What else than Love is to be weighed when considering a person part of your family? Grant them Your blessing, for if they suffer, it will tear me appart.


  • ::Untittled entry::

    What a day. Where to start.

    I think I'll start with the global problems, and leave the more personal ones for the end.

    All started with a friendly reunion with ~Fadia~, ~Ronan~ and ~Vash't~ where we decided we'd go out and smite some evil. I fetched ~Jerick~ to join us, as we had agreed previously we'd go together somewhere.

    After some pondering, we decided to go to the ogre lands, near Peltarch. We weren't very far in when we found ogre zombies fighting the hill giants. We didn't have much wondering to do, as Quintin revealed himself pretty early. His intentions? We didn't know at that moment, but as we progressed through the a cave, we found that Lillia, the vampiress, was hiding inside. Not before navigating through ogre-infested tunnels however, which were also mined with strong fire traps.

    When we reached Lillia she began to babble, but knowing what she is, we charged. I spent quite a few of my blessed Lathanderite arrows, just to find out that she was immune to sunlight and all kinds of magical light thanks to a Lathanderite amulet that she had stolen and was wearing. I couldn't be more infuriated at this point, specially when afte the clash, the vampiress fled and we were too worn out to afford following her. Personally, her fire aura was burning me to little pieces, and I was about to collapse. I saw then Quintin coming in, and I don't remember much because it was blurry and I had trouble to even keep my eyelids up. I was told later that Rhayla had sent Quintin on the tracks of Lillia precisely to get this Lathanderite amulet from her.

    I didn't find much logic on the plan of siding with a "lesser evil", if that was really the case, but later on, back to safety, I had the chance to talk with this Rhayla. She updated me on the information about Quintin, and a vampire coven from Waterdeep that had been nigh exterminated, but the three elder vampires managed to escape and were shipped to Peltarch. She told me that two of them have been smuggled out, and one of them , Lindérc, might be lurking in Norwick's crypts.

    This came as grave news to me. Firstly, the presence of vampire elders worried me, and it is my sacred duty to see them destroyed. Also, the fact that this other player, Lillia, had a Lathanderite artifact disturbs me overly. I must try my best to recover it.

    I decided to put a group together to search the Norwick crypts immediately allowing anyone that volunteered to join, but after clearing it whole from undead, we could find nothing. I will return another time. Hopefully, with a less numerous group that can listen to orders, and can quit wanting to leave the place promptly after they spot any tangible danger.

    That was it for my duties as Dawnbringer. As for my duties as friend, and as sister - it appears that something ~Brendel~ told to Jerrick after the expedition annoyed him like I had never seen before. It appears that this Brendel is courting Jerrick's ex-lover, Feather, and what is more, he seems to have contact with her at current.

    This made Jerrick feel completely outraged and betrayed before scampering off desolated and angry. Very angry. This time I wasn't going to let him go to drown his sorrows on his own, and after grabbing ~Lorie~, managed to catch up with him. I think I understand why Feather would have contacted Brendel instead of Jerrick. I also know that if she had contacted Jerrick to ask for help, he would have been in a very dire situation in which he'd have to choose to help his old fiancee, or take care of his current one. I tried to explain him that whatever Feather did, for whatever reason she did it, he'd need to understand it, and rely on those that are here, now, to care for him. I saw him break in a moment, when I spurred Lorie to go and offer him some consolation, while I pulled Fadia away with me to give the couple some private time.

    Only Lorie could make Jerrick feel better, plus I didn't want Jerrick feel his pride hurt because of his closest friends were watching him cry. A long while after Jerrick came back to Norwick gates and said that he felt a little bit better, and that he didn't and wasn't going to do anything stupid. That was enough for me to hear, and I kissed his cheek goodbye and sent him back to the arms of the woman that he really needs to be with - my dear sister Lorelai. I pray for Jerrick tonight, so that he may find strength to overcome this test. He knows that Lorie or me will not give up on him, ever. And probably neither of his other friends. May Lathander grant him the peace he seeks.


  • ::Untittled Entry::

    What a day. The beginning of it was quite exciting. Jerrick and I went in our particular adventurous tour. This time, the destination switched to Bugbears. Have to admit that some of them are tough, but nothing that can stop the strong duo that we make. Who would say, that a druid and a priest without that much of a martial training on our backs could break so implacably through so many strong creatures. But that we did, and cleared two full areas of those murdering berserking bugbears, including their dangerous casters and the dangerous Battle Ragers.

    We retrieved as much of their armaments as we could, which meant Jerrick had to switch to dire tiger form to carry it all. I of course climbed on top of him and got a ride. Can't let those chances go. I should probably take hm out more often and overload ourselves as excuse to getting a ride back. Oh yes, that's a plan.

    Truth be told, later on I asked Jerrick for advice about a situation that ocupies my thoughts. I think I'm a bit hypersensitive on the topic, and when I asked him for his honest advice, he was responding something in the lines of "do what you want". It is true as well that I did not let him finish. I just told him to stop saying what he was saying because he was going to hurt me. I guess it is because I asked for his opinion because I trust very much in it, not so he could tell me to do what I want, which kind of sounds like he doesn't really care.

    I left him there, without opportunity to finish or explain himself, just thinking about my own feelings, which was really selfish of me. For a few hours Jerrick and I avoided each other, but the situation was hardly bearable to me. After a gnoll attack that occured at the north gates of Norwick, I called his name, and this time it was him who didn't want to hear more, and walked off.

    I was breaking inside, because I felt I had caused this missunderstanding, and because Jerrick is too important to me, to let it all break due to such silly unimportant thing. I thought then of a way that I could ammend it and express my honest apology. And so I went to Peltarch and back as quick as I could.

    Back to Norwick I looked for ~Lorie~ to help me set up what I had in mind and tell me what she thought of it, but I couldn't find her at the Den, neither at Jerrick's, so I decided to just go ahead with it. With around 30 Forget-Me-Nots that I had bought in Peltarch, I spred the petals over the grass in front of Jerrick's home in the shape of a giant heart. In the middle, with more petals, I spelled "IM SORRY". And then I walked back to the gates, hoping he'd be willing to come along for a talk.

    When I approached, both Lorie and him came to me before I had the chance to ask. They wanted to speak with me, but I think Lorie didn't expect Jerrick's initiative, so she let him go with me, alone. We walked back to his home, and just as he saw what I had prepared for him, told him. "Sometimes I ask too much of you. It is just because I trust you, Jerrick, that your opinion matters so much to me. Why it hurt me that you said that I do what I want. Still, I was selfish to only think about myself. I am sorry, Jerrick. Please accept my apologies."

    His response was that for him the topic was sensitive too, and that of course he accepted my apologies, that we should be above such silly tantrums, because we love each other. I agreed - "Jerrick I'm in many ways your lil sis. You'll have to take care of me, and sometimes you'll have to give me a slap so I behave. It is what big brothers do." - He then hugged me and smiled.

    We gathered all the petals and flowers back to give them as present to Lorie, ~Fadia~ and ~Soliel~. Even Val got some, when she was just standing by. At that point we all got in playful mood and started playing hair tricks with water. I have to say, we all looked amazing, or so it seems by the face of the male observers in the area. Then everything broke loose. We started playing with "friendly" spells such as Charm, Daze and Hold Person, giving each other a hard time with tickles and general merriness. I think at some point we stopped ~Thorn~ from doing whatever urgency he had at hand and involved him in our silly games.

    Lorie became a panther again, so she earned some petting, scratching and hugging, but then Jerrick became a tiger and started keeping me off her, specially when I mentioned that I would kidnap her. He's so not fun! We had a great time I think. In the end I held the other four - ~Vash't~, Fadia, Soliel and Val, and walked off with a giggle while Jerrick and Lorie strode off in their animal forms to have other kinds of fun, I suspect.

    Before actually leaving, I took my bow out and watched that some sneaky goblins didn't try anything on my held friends, and once I saw them getting free and looking at each other confused, I finally left to get some sleep.

    Days like this make me feel a bit silly. Like, it's not only that my body doesn't age, and it's not only that my mind doesn't either. But somehow, every passing day I feel younger inside. I feel full of life and at the same time more sensitive and uninhibited. I do not complain, albeit my attitude can strike as improper to others at times, it is no bother to me that they do not know what is to have fun, just for the sake of it. May Lathander grant me the opportunity to keep being this joyful, so that I can bring Joy to the hearts of others.


  • Love and Emotion

    That's it, I'm quitting drinking in parties. I should know better than to let myself blind drunk and seems like Jerrick can't keep me from being a fool either. I don't blame him. I don't blame me, either, to some extent. Lately we just go from celebration to celebration, free booze and global cheeriness in the atmosphere. Only the last couple of days we've had Aramuil's party and the Harvest Festival.

    And things just happen. I just awoke in an inn room, cuddling into ~Fadia~ in one bed, and the other bed had some ropes and straps attached to it, which apparently had been cut. I immediate started looking for tattooes or wedding rings in me, because I remembered nothing from the night before. However, when I walked out I found Vash't, and he told me that nothing really happened, at least not on the regrettable side. Apparently I started being silly and passed out before anything could really happen. I seem to have been hugging and kissing everyone that I came across, but well, hugs and kisses are the least of my worries after I woke up like I did.

    On serious matters, I've been carrying out investigations in Jiyyd. I'm travelling there as often as I can, normally alone, to gather sample and run tests. Jerrick came with me last time, however. We cleared the area of demonic presence and thought we'd explore the old Silver Valley location, now infested with trolls. Those trolls can hit hard, but with the proper preparation we seemed to manage to clear one whole area of them. Managed might have been an overstatement, though, when Jerrick was felled after being flanked by them and after doing my best to distract the trolls I managed to pull him back to life in his last heartbeat. Damn that was hectic. I'm glad he didn't come to serious harm for my own sanity. Lately I seem to have all the people I care about dying around me. ~Fadia~ and ~Vash't~ being very recent cases.

    Fadia and Vash't, what do I do about them, really. Should I say that Jerrick has been trying to set me up on Vash't ever since he introduced him to me. He knows I feel a little bit lonely sometimes and I guess it's true and it's not like I'm hiding it anyway. Thing is three times I've been pitted with Vash't already, with Jerick's seal on it. First, the other night when I was drunk and Vash't refused to "take advantage of me". Second, after our Jiyyd expedition when we went to the bath house to relax a bit, and suddenly Vash't appeared there. It explained why Jerrick had given excessive care to a street dog before we entered the bath house - probably he was just using to send a message.

    Third is charm they say, and after Aramuil's party I somehow ended up talking with Vash't alone. After a couple of mutual apologies we went somewhere quieter. He gave me a really beautiful bundle of flowers - Jerrick's idea, no doubt - and… well, that was just too much for me. All I can say is that he took me in a ride through the blessed fields of Elysium. One filled with beautiful and vibrant colours.

    It was wonderful to feel embraced afterwards, like nothing else mattered because I was safe and nothing could harm me. However, the feeling was ephimeral, as we soon left to deal with other affairs. Back in the public, the usual were there, along with one girl that seems to draw attention by throwing muffins at people.

    Fadia was there too, who wanted to talk in private with me. She has me confused, somehow. I don't know exactly what goes through her mind, but she seemed jealous to see me return with Vash't and a pleased smile in our faces. I think she likes Vash't, but she also teases me often in more than one way. She likes clinging on me, which I, to be fair, do not dislike at all, but still has me at a loss as to what are her real feelings and who does she have those feelings for.

    If she feels for me, I am flattered. She is a very pretty elf, and that a simple, humble human like me attracts her in any aspect is something that raises my spirits. In the other hand, I prefer the loving embrace of a man in my bed and I've told her that. I'm afraid that if I was to sleep with an elf woman I would have to take a diferent role that I don't even know if I would enjoy. Which hurts me because I don't find fair that I reject her after she's shown nothing but love and care to me. ~Ronan~ keeps leaving puns about how Fadia and I will end in a same bed, too. I am at a loss in this situation in which I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but neither I want to be main gossip topic of Norwick.

    All in all, I'll just be myself. Whatever happens, so be it. I only fear waking up one day and not seeing the Sunlight. The rest can be solved in one or other way.

    Addendum

    Forgot to mention that I've spoke to Jerrick about Dwin's request to sit and talk with him to try to reach an agreement. Jerrick refuses flat out to it, he says Dwin has had enough chances, and has committed enough crimes. Jerrick thinks that Dwin is the cancer to root out, and he assures that the Circle has no problems at all with Norwick, only with Dwin. That if Dwin wants to redeem himself, if he really wants to prove that he cares, then he should just resign as Chancellor.

    While I wish there was a way for dialog and communication to solve this problem, I see Jerrick's point of view. Dwin perhaps has made one too many mistakes, and he does act like a tyrant in ocassion. I'll hope for the best in any case, so that whatever happens, the tension is solved without bloodshed.

    Foot Note

    I'm kidnapping ~Lorie~ one of these days if she keeps turning into a kitty and climbing on my lap just to be extremelly cute with purrs, nuzzles, yawns and whatnot. I wonder if I could ask Jerrick to help me befriend a kitty from the Rawlins to keep my company. Perhaps I will call on Shallyah's company more often, though I hate to disturb her.


  • ::Untittled Entry::

    Whoever thought the land was safe after the defeat of the Dracolich couldnt be more mistaken. Things that are in my agenda currently:

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    1. Jiyyd - Investigate the demon invasion and try to fix it.
    2. The Burning Man - Who is he? What does he want? Ultimately preserve natural balance of the forests.
    3. Skara's Cave - Investigate leads pointing the smuggling of certain substances that would turn goblins into copies of known warriors and adventurers with ill ends.
    4. Bugbears - Prevent them from moving in by cleansing and taking the Elven Camp if necessary.

    And that is only mentioning global threats and avoiding my own personal problems. Speaking of point 3, a few of us went to have a look. I admit I had no idea what to expect other than "Gauths and maybe one Beholder or two". I didn't like the sound of that, to be fair, but we had a rather balanced group with ~Aelthas~, ~Ronan~, ~Fadia~, ~Sol~ and couple others. We dealt with the first few enemies rather… easily. The beholders seemed so fragile, that hardly posed a threat.

    That is until one of them spotted Fadia and I through an open door and launched full-out ray attack. It was all really quick, about 3 seconds later I was down on my knees grasping for air to breathe, and Fadia had one of the rays right through her heart, and now laid on the ground, immobile. Suddenly, about 3 or 4 more of those beasts began to enter the room in succession and we had a few intense seconds, knowing that any second another of those lethal beams could kill any of us. All except one of the creatures were defeated with no further casualties. That last one waited in ambush by the door. After sending a huge earth elemental and a dire tiger to get it, and seeing them die within one second, we didn't know how to get past, but Ronan managed to snipe it out, almost getting killed himself in the process.

    It was then when we discovered that Aelthas had been petrified. So we had to drag back the body of Fadia and the stone block that Aelthas was, and hope to be able to recover them both. We did. We brought them both back, though I feel so terribly sorry for Fadia. She stood in the way of that ray that would have killed me. I can't help but feeling really awful, and this time with a reason.

    We took Fadia to the Druid Glen where we just all relaxed and had a talk about the current situation, and what would be the focus of our efforts. Jiyyd and Skara's cave popped up again as some immediate threats that will need investigation. Eventually ~Lorie~ joined us, but soon after we were sent into some errand to get red pepper drops for the Druids. Also, we found that Fizsqee had escaped just before his execution. All for the better, I'd say, since Sqee would probably not be very willing to keep aiding us if his son was publically executed.

    Back delivering the peppers to the druid elder, we were told that some allies had fallen to the bugbears, near the entrance to the warrens. So we went ahead to rescue them. Our assault was implacable and the bugbears offered no resistance, so we managed to bring back the fallen, that were Danika and Dirk. I am performing too many rituals of Resurrection lately, and it worries me a lot. In the Dracolich times the death rate wasn't as high, not that I remember.

    In the end, everyone has been brought back, and all seem in healthy condition, so that's what matters. I decided to retire somewhere away from the crowds for the rest of the night. First Fadia and then Lorie joined me, and we had a talk about the recommendation for me to be a Circle Protector. As much as I am honoured, Lorie is right to arise one concern. Talos is part of the cult of the circle, and at the same time is a prime enemy of my Lord Lathander. I would have to be very sure that I am not allied with Talos, or condone any of his followers' actions. Tolerating Talos as a needed piece in Nature's balance? I could put up with that, I think. But that's as far as it would stretch. I will have to seek communion with Lathander on this topic.

    As for the rest of the night, Benji came up with us, so did Sol and another girl, all wanting Lorie's attention in turn. She is quite popular, for a girl that likes to not make much noise and just pass unnoticed. I think sometimes she's too kind for her own good, and incapable of hurting anyone's feelings, but that also makes her even more lovable in my eyes. The last bit of the night we spent talking with Benji, that apparently is preparing to ask ~Talyna~ for marriage. I was being a bit silly at this point, and regret I may have offended someone, but everyone seemed fine about it. In any case, I honestly offered Benji to host his wedding if Talyna would answer on the affirmative, which I'm pretty sure she would.

    Then it was time to scatter again to catch a good night's sleep. Each one in their homes, and Lathander in everyone's.