3. The Book of Dawn

The Book of Dawn


  • Radiant Joyful Spirit

    Ow, this book is getting old and dusty. But let's change that today! Truth is there doesn't seem to be much trouble around, and there are plenty of capable new warriors of good to care for the land. Most of the darker types seem to have moved on or passed away, and peace and quietness has taken over. So much that I've been lately just going out to find some excitement and fight my old battles in Jiyyd, the bugbear forests or the Underdark.

    Someone asked me today how it is possible to have a radiant joyful spirit as mine, and asked for a recipe. And I gave him one! And since this book will one day rest in the shelves of a Lathanderite temple, I'll reveal my recipe here, so everyone know how to achieve a radiant joyful spirit.

    @7edc2c8f22:

    1. Watch the dawn, and sing a happy song to it. Or hum it. Or think of how beautiful it is with the wind in your face!
    2. Breakfast. Have something sweet and energetic like pancakes with chocolate syrup or cream, and a big glass of milk. This is important!
    3. Go out and do some workout. To feel satisfied with one's spirit, one must be satisfied with one's body. The fat is evil.
    4. Bathe! If you have time for a long, soapy one, do that. If not, a short one will do. The important part is to keep clean and fresh before you start your social day.
    5. Work! Whatever is your profession, carry it out with possitiviness and look to give the best of yourself. You have to spend that time working, so why not try and spend it being efficient and earning friendship and respect of those around you?
    6. Have fun! When your daily work is over, do what you like most. Meet your friends, your family, your lovers, and do anything you know that makes you happy. And do diferent things every day!
    7. Watch the sunset. With your energies depleted, bid farewell to the sun, knowing that it promises you to return tomorrow, to start a new beautiful day.
    8. Rest well. Dine light and sleep at least 6 hours, but if you can sleep 8 hours, all the better! Dream of wonderful things, because as soon as you open your eyes, there is another opportunity to make all those dreams come true.

    So there it is, recipe for a radiant joyful spirit. Anyone, under any circumstance can adapt the steps to their own life, and discover that their life too can be wonderful. The only trick is: Do not give up!


  • As Days Go By

    It's been a few months since I wrote anything noteworthy, so it's time to do a recap on the events that hold significance. There are several threats in the land currently, and we're needing to keep on our toes so they don't take us by surprise.

    It appears that Xaroth is sending once again his chaos spirits and harming the stability of the weave in certain areas. The keen headaches in those areas have returned, and even though I haven't seen a single chaos spirit yet, others have. Thorn had a vision about it, apparently about Xaroth intending to do to Narfell the same as he did to that place that he controls now. We'll be here to make sure he fails.

    Speaking of Thorn, he's had a problem recently. Some "shadow creature" incited him to do things he didn't want to, harassed his mind and unsettled him. Nobody is sure what it could be, but hopefully it was a one-time thing. That, or we'll find out and remove it. He's also had several other visions. One of the shadow creatures saying something about "get her" after seeing a broken crystal shard. We suspect the "her" might be Sayla, but can't be sure. She is suffering lately, but we'll keep her safe. I've promised her.

    We should get underway the quest to retrieve the two remaining shards of Solais' starstone soon, and find a way to return him. He can probably push the dark people away, help Sayla, and then, help us to restore Jiyyd.

    Jiyyd needs his aid… I've been conducting research in there for years, and nothing too clear has been cncluded yet. The barrier is thinning and the outsiders wait hungrily, like animals held by a fence that they know won't last forever. That time will come sooner or later, and before it happens and the land is not ready for it, the threat must be ended. I pray to Lathander for guidance, because I'm doing all that is within my hand to learn more. Their numbers seem endless as I personally have defeated hundreds of them, and it's pretty clear that will not put a dent in their intentions.

    There is one more matter. Some faction with ill intents has stolen a sword created by followers of the dead god Myrkul, one that is rumoured to have the power of creating lichs. I don't know how does it work exactly, but it sounds bad enough for us to need to retrieve it. We followed a lead recently to a blue dragon cult, but we found no sword. It appears the Locke family in Oscura is somehow involved, or being framed for the sword's acquisition. One of them has been arrested, and is being interrogated, so we'll see what comes from that.

    On other news, Val and Lune have returned. That is awesome news, I've missed them both so much. I've already spent a good deal of time with them, and I'm looking forward to spend some more. I hope they stick around, the land needs them, and so do I.

    With all of this going on and my close friends having problems, it's hard for me to even think about my own needs. There is a particular one that I suppose it will have to be postponed once again. But what's new? I have waited a hundred years, so a few more will hardly make a diference. Sometimes it's just hard not to think about that kid in the forest being pounced by playful panthers.

    And everytime I think of that, I inevitably think of Micah. He's grown strong and skilled. By now he's stood before all kind of deadly threats, and has become battle hardened. He is maturing and making friends, which makes me happy. He keeps being as ambitious as the first day, though. After seeing an Adult Green Dragon and a Blue Great Wyrm die at his feet, all he can think about is which colour will be the next dragon we'll face.

    His heart has become gentler, too, I can feel that. That means a lot to me, more than he really knows. Life with him goes well, and I don't see it ending anytime soon. I wonder if his family ever explained or educated him about marriage… I don't want to bring it up, because marriage is really not necessary for anything in this land, but I know I'd be the happiest woman in the realms if he asked.

    All in all, life is being good with me. Are there troubles? Yes. Are there threats to the land? Yes. Does that mean I can't be optimist and happy? No, not at all. I'll pass any hurdles, together with my friends and my love. It couldn't be any other way.


  • Descendant

    Lately I have found myself with much free time, much more than I expected. While I arrange things to call a meeting with all the members of the Order of the Shining Phoenix so we can together evaluate recent events and set a goal to aim for together, I've spent quite some time patrolling the forests to keep the goblin and bugbear numbers down, at least in the areas close to Norwick and my home.

    In having more time, I have reinforced my presence in Jiyyd and have commenced more agressive investigations on what causes demons and devils to pour in without control. The most accurate theory I can follow for now is that the bomb that was set in Jiyyd destroyed the town not only physically, but also the fabric that separates the planes, and in its current weak state it's not enough to prevent those wicked outsiders from pouring in at will.

    I'm trying to collect more data at the moment, more precise details on how severe is the damage, and how it could be possibly repaired. I will need the aid of many others, but for now most in the land have their heads turned towards Vaxin and the hoaran conflict, so meanwhile I can see to advance my research a little bit, and when the timing is right, we'll have to see how many in the land would be interested on honoring both the innocent and the brave that fell in Jiyyd by attempting to cleanse its land once and for all. It may still take a few years, but I'm not going to leave the fight in Jiyyd, ever. Not while I draw breath.

    At this point I find nigh impossible to pursue the idea of restoring the town to an inhabitable state. Not only because of the damage, but also because people are superstitious, and it will be hard to convince them that Jiyyd is safe again. But at the very least, a good deed can be done, and the wicked creatures that profane the land and its memory can be banished for good.

    Other than that, I have been spending time with my usual 'family'. I've been making some new acquaintances too, some of which are quite enjoyable company. And of course, I have been spending time with Micah. Maybe not as much as he deserves, but I swear I do try.

    Speaking of him brings the next topic this entry. I have taken the step to ask Lathander to allow me to seek descendancy. I have been pondering many years, and I had never wanted to take this step, because I want my Lord to be clear that I do not wish to elude the holy duty he bestowed upon me. Not in the least. But I have finally decided to ask Him for respite. Just enough to create a new life and protect it with mine, before I'll continue with my current duties to Him for the rest of my days.

    And I have received His consent. A few dawns after I spoke my prayers, while singing to the dawn, a sunbeam of a stronger, penetrating light, shone upon me, and I could distinguish His fatherly figure giving approval to that which I had requested. I will now seek a remedy to this which prevents me from conceiving, even if just a temporary one, to serve my Lord in another of the aspects He patrons and cherishes - creating new life and nurturing it. A new beginning, my own descendant to carry my blood into the world.

    I'll keep my eyes open for clues to begin this quest, though according Vatis, the mysterious being that spoke to Thorn recently, he is key aspect in it. I will keep close to him as usual, it is not like I need to be forced to do so. He is always enjoyable company, and the best friend I could ask for.

    One of these latest nights, we were just taking a walk around Norwick, finding a quiet place for a chat and we found Kara. Seems she has been busy but she is back now, and with her, possibly the matters that were left undone in the past. Only seeing her reminds me that we need to restore Solais one or another way. He is a beautiful and benign being, and one that according Cog is very important towards the cleansing and restoring of Jiyyd.

    She told us the tale of the TrueHeart, which was both fascinating and dramatic at times. And she put such a talent in the storytelling that I had trouble to not be reduced to tears, even if she probably did not mean it. We will be going to talk with Sayla soon and see if there is something we can still do to help the cause.

    We will not let neither Solais, Kara or Sayla down.

    Solai at Volis belin tas.


  • Ascendant

    Today's Dawn brings me a profound feeling. The kind of feeling that one gets when she realizes that despite all the hurdles, she has been doing things right. Or at least as right as she knew and could. It is not a vain feeling, nor it is of pride. It is a feeling of peace and serenity. But also Invigorating, exhilarating, a feeling that pushes me to keep doing what I do, and never give up. To keep trying to better myself not for myself, but for those that I owe myself to.

    Yesterday was the day when I would present myself before the judgement of the good natured gods and their celestial servants, and the day when I would face their greatest trial. When I entered the Cave of Trials and I was met by a Solar Angel, I knew I could not afford to fail. The presence of the majestic being was inspiring and intimidating at the same time. I felt those eyes set on me with scrutiny before I received the instructions. When I was ready, the Angel moved aside so I could walk through the gates.

    What happened inside can not be revealed even to this, my own journal, but as I walked out, the Solar Angel bestowed upon me the condition of Ascendant, and reminded me that what I faced inside the Cave of Trials was only the beginning. The real trial began then, and it will demand far more strength, faith and sacrifice.

    I know I am ready and willing. I take the scepter with great honour, accepting its weight as I hope to be fair and worthy, but above all things, to be good. And to keep bringing Good to the land and vanquishing the evils that threaten it. And to keep aiding and protecting those who are in need, and inspiring hope, joy and love in their hearts.

    This has always been my wish and my duty. And today my duties may have increased, but that only means that I'll put the more passion into fulfilling them.

    I will remind myself every day that I am only a human like any other so I can work hard and put all my effort into my duties, with humility and with respect. I have been told that I am member of a very flawed race that is capable of the worst, often not liked by most other races and sometimes not even welcome. I am aware of how flawed I am myself. But I know humans are also capable of the best, and it is the flaw what makes a gemstone beautiful and unique. There is no greater force in the world than the will of those who are determined to fulfill a given task.

    To me, from this day and on and more than ever before, being human is not an excuse. It is a responsibility.


  • Fear Effect

    Over my years of experience I've come to realize that some things don't necessarily have to make sense. Some things can't be explained because they just are.

    The secret of life, the mysteries of the star ocean, the unfathomable keys and locks of conscience, the material and the abstract, the drifting minds, the beating hearts. How a newborn child, oblivious to the world around, blinking her first hour into life can already feel the safety and protection of the mother.

    Things that are inbuilt, rooted, implanted in being, part of being. It's also the case of fear. The fear of losing. It does not matter what we are, human, elf, animal. And it does not matter who we are, farmer, noble or king. We all share, in greater or lesser degree, the fear of losing what we have achieved, what we love. What we need and we have built our life around.

    The thought of being alone, of not having a hand to hold, a home to return to, a blue sky above us or a green blanket of grass and flowers below. The fear of losing, and stop being.

    Our own mind protects us against these things. Our makers gave us the capacity to be aware, but also the ability to not be conscious unless we choose to. One may say we are drones going about our business, but what mind could keep its sanity wondering every minute of life the meaning of everything, and being fearful for everything?

    Mine could not.

    My mind had been forced into that state of constant consciousness, for far too long. I have been at the edge of becoming a madwoman in so many ocassions. I have cried of sorrow and fury, and I have felt like tearing the soil with my own teeth to bury myself, just to feel peace inside. So I kept travelling, fleeing from it, fleeing from myself. I don't know what would have been of me if my willforce handn't been so blessed by the Morninglord, so stubbornly resilient.

    In my life I have made many ancient and wicked enemies. Creatures that would rip my heart off my chest without second thought, others that would feast on my flesh and soul with delight. Creatures that exist to cause pain and suffering.

    But the drow. The drow are diferent. This matron that held me a slave, she is not just evil and wicked. For all the harm she has caused me, she had never tried to kill me. That would have been way too generous for her.

    Her goal had always been to make me misserable. To turn me into a broken creature and rejoice on her work like a sculptor rejoices on her masterwork sculpture. If there was something I liked, or loved, she planted seeds of anguish in my mind to turn it against me, to make me see how it was to lose it, and be denied it. She spoon fed me with my own tears, so I could feel their bitter taste, and so they would become part of my own being.

    But now. Now it's gone. And it's gone because I did what I never considered doing. Stopping, and fighting it. The fear effect was so strong and out of control, that I had never realized I had to face it and root it out of me. I never had the tools to do so either, so I had been helpless.

    It began the day I stopped running. The day I settled, and made new friends. That day I stopped being just a Dawnbringer, and became "Sunny" for the people that have made me feel loved, precious, unique. Those who have been with me in the darkest hour, that led me towards the light because I hadn't noticed that even though my sight was restored, I had still been blind all this time.

    Those that know that the most invaluable treasure, the gift with the highest meaning that one can ever receive is forgiveness. To them, I owe all I am, and what is more, all I'll ever be. The world counts today one more able and willing Dawnbringer, thanks to them. It is now my responsibility to make it worthwhile. For the world, and for them.


  • Well, here I am again, in front of my book. It has been very hard to find motivation to write lately. I have been feeling sad and helpless due to the nightmares, to the point that I've been afraid to fall asleep, and kept myself awake through magical means for whole tendays.

    But that was driving me insane, and if not because of my friends' help, I don't know how I would have fared. Ilmen'gwath visited a few nights ago, and said I wasn't in any decent state to be treated. He managed to do something to relieve me, and now I feel a bit better. The nightmares are not disturbing my sleep, though I'm not having any kind of dreams either. When I fall asleep is like I skip time, and fortunately that's enough to rest my mind and my body.

    Now that I can think more clearly I've noticed I've done some harm with my generally apathetic and borderline hostile attitude that my nightmares caused. Some of those things had consequences, such as giving back to Rasuil the Wolf Fang he trusted me with. I think I've failed his trust and I might have gotten him in trouble with it. I do not regret what I said and did, but I do regret that it may have consequences for people I love. For that I can't but feel a very bitter taste about it all, and all I can do now is swallow it down, and try to make things better in future.

    I had a rather extense talk about it with Rasuil, and even though he wants to shrug the responsibility off my shoulders, I can't help but feeling terrible. I wish I had never asked to be a pack friend. I didn't need to be one to be friend of all the people I am, or to protect the land as I have always done.

    On other brighter news, I believe my elven is becoming quite good now. I can hold a more or less fluent conversation about most normal topics without magical aid, and it feels good that I can honour my elven friends by learning things like their traditions, their culture, and even their language. Earlier today I met Therean and we talked a bit about some things, and I asked him to hold the conversation in elven. He accepted, and I think it went very well. I managed to keep him busy talking in elven from Norwick to Peltarch's gates, where he parted to meet Ama'bael. And I learned a new word, the object used to ride a horse isn't a [e]chair[/e], it's a [e]saddle[/e].

    Spent some time talking with Gnarl too. He said he wants to be stonemason and weaponsmith. That's good to know, I might have work for him if he becomes really good at it, at least the stonemason part. For weaponsmithing, I'd still like to help Alby get trained up on that. I don't care about what others think, she's been a great friend to me, and one of the pillars that have kept my sanity through my latest ordeals.

    Other than that, I've been spending time with my Guardian and my usual friends. Nowadays they are what keeps me going, and I long for their company. Ilmen'gwath will be back soon, and then I'll need them all, more than ever. We'll see what happens after that. Whatever it is, I just hope it's the best for everyone. At least for everyone I care for.


  • I can't. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I can't fight it. The drow high priestess has me under her thumb, there is a button she can press to turn me into a scared, defenseless girl. I tell myself it's alright, that I've faced things far greater and more dangerous than her. But it still holds a grip on my mind, causes me an irrational fear.

    I know it's in my mind, I know too well if I could focus on controlling it I'd get over it. But everytime it happens all of that becomes nothing, and the thought of being captured by that priest, her claims that I will be hers again, her insidious whispers about how ephimeral and fragile is my happiness…

    She's done it again a few days ago, and it's enough to keep me still paranoid, in the defensive. Luckily Thorn was around when she assaulted my mind and he's been caring for me, if nothing else, with his company so that I wouldn't feel alone. But he can't always be around, and my nightmares have returned stronger than they had been for quite some time.

    I don't like not being able to deal with this on my own, even now all I can do is sit inside the temple hoping some time will pass and she will forget about me. But I know perfectly she won't just forget. How long has it been… how many decades? That's not the solution... I need to heal this phobia, this weakness. And once she doesn't have a grip on me, seek her out and pluck her from the hole where she lives, and make her pay for all the suffering she's caused.

    To make things even worse, I found Dondiah's new… aspect. Seeing her reminds me of so many horrible things... I consider her a friend, but how am I supposed to enjoy my time around her now? It's not her fault and I promised her things won't change. I want to feel that, but what will my subconscious have to say about it? I know what seeing her triggers in my head, and it's not something I want for my daily life.

    I need to seek Ilmen'gwath, bury the bloodstone as he asked, and receive his aid. I'll need all the help I can get with that, specially from those that are closest to me. It still troubles me that they'll likely be in danger because of me, but I know they are all willing to aid me, and I know if they were suffering I wouldn't accept if they didn't allow me to help them.

    What I can't do is keep like this, at the mercy of that drow, so that everytime she decides to toy with me, I turn into this insecure, helpless girl. It has to stop. I've even tried going out and having some fun, went to some kind of… oily-greasy fun games up in Peltarch, with plenty of people I know and like. Started out happy and in high spirits, but the longer I kept away from the temple, the greater it became this feeling of vulnerability, I grow more and more nervous, craving the moment I can be back in the safety of the temple... to the point that I had to run off early to shelter.

    I hate this feeling. I need to find something to do, something to keep my mind off overthinking this, or I'm going to go crazy.


  • Quite a few busy days lately. Firstly, Luan showed up again, this time at the island in the Rawlinswoods while Thorn and Fadia were taking a stroll. Apparently he was pinpointing the location where Aska landed. Getting as close as he was, I thought that finding her was inevitable sooner or later, so when the elves told me about it, I thought of bringing Aska to him while we could still have some kind of influence over the meeting.

    I wasn't sure how it'd turn out, much less when Aska was instantly charmed by him and began to kiss him with passion. She then returned to us, saying he promised her to take her to a wonderful place, and we were all invited. She was really out of herself, so I took that chance to teleport us all away next to the temple of Lathander, including her. This likely means Luan won't be happy next time he sees me, but I'll cross that bridge when it comes. For now Aska is safe, which is what matters.

    She was outraged at first, but then she came to her senses, and realized she was being used. She also realized that Luan is no longer the being she loved with her soul, and that he is know a wicked perversion. She is now wary of him, and will try to avoid him, which is great news.

    Just when we were having that talk with our heavenly friend, I spotted Ilmen'gwath next to the temple, so while Fadia and Thorn took her to the Great Hall, I stayed to talk with him.

    He has made preparations and we agreed terms for his services and the payment. He gave me a stone I must use as soon as I gather aid to get started with whatever he'll do to fix me. In return, I am bound to make a favour to him, so long it doesn't conflict with my beliefts or faith. That was the deal, and I do realize I might still have to do something tricky, but I do need his help. Can only hope for the best.

    In other news, Micah and I found some time to spend together in our generally busy lives, and it was well spent. He's reaching deeper and deeper inside me, and I can feel him taking roots within. We are getting to know each other well, and we are capable to help each other with things that one alone sometimes can't notice. Recently he's been even a voice of reason to me, after an incident in the goblin caves.

    The incident in question was, in short, that there was some annoying girl that kept insulting us out of random whim, which we were patiently putting up with, until strange things began to happen. I found it was related to Fionn, and then I remembered what comes with him - magic eaters, dozens of nyths and war machines. We urged everyone to leave the cave.

    All were doing so, except one - the annoying attention-needy girl whose name I don't even remember. We couldn't just leave her there, as stubborn as she was, but she wasn't responding to the urges of evacuating the place. I only saw one solution, and was knocking her out to get her out of there before something regrettable happened.

    Locrian opposed, which upset me, because I kept feeling this imminent danger, and both Micah and I didn't want to just leave them behind. I battered the old man out of the way with my shield and then knocked the girl to take her out. That got us all out of the cave, but only then I realized perhaps I should have chosen a diferent way to tackle the matter. I don't know… I lost myself, but I know I meant well.

    Micah and I talked about the incident as I was feeling quite down and guilty about it, and he helped me to learn from my mistake and move on. Possibly I just missjudged the situation in the first place.

    I apologized to Locrian because of the incident, which he accepted. I still don't know why I reacted like that, but I know that I got rid of the cursed ring he gave me immediately. Apparently it was what caused him to behave so oddly in the last few months, and it seemed to have influence on me as well.

    Since that incident, we've been working on Micah's smithing. Let's say I gave him a good motivation for it! We've been taking Alby, and Chiara along, as both also have diferent levels of mining skills, and besides, they're nice company. The last couple of trips have been fun and benefitial for everyone, and we've hauled a good amount of ore back to the forge, where we spent another good amount time while working with them. Micah is very dedicated and as usual, we've been the last two left working in the forge. I can't complain, though. I like how he sticks to his goals, and besides, at the point when we're left alone he likes to pick me up the way he does, and carries me off just like he knows I love to be carried.

    We'll have to tackle a few things sooner than later, likely. I still need to prepare that expedition to find Lillia, and we don't know when Luan will visit, angrier than ever before. As well as Fionn, whom Micah wants to meet again to "have a chat". And my own problem, of course. The day I'll face my inner demons is closer, and I am both needy and afraid of that day to come. Right now, however, there is this handsome Guardian laying just next to me, and he deserves a delicious breakfast, so first things first.


  • Calm Before the Storm

    Days are going by quietly lately. It's almost as if we're being given a break to brace ourselves before the forces that gather hit us with all their rage. There are attacks from devils striking from the Rawnlinswoods, seeming whatever has taken home in the Lost City is involved. Perhaps it's this lich, Azraele, that Hammerhand keeps asking about.

    The drow are stirring and striking at the surface from the crypts of Norwick, so are duergar, seeming in rivalry amongst them due to an alliance with ilithids and some machinery involved. Possibly the duergar that side with the ilithids do not do so willingly, or at least, not in full use of their own mind.

    The hoarans push to get their terms over the Nars Pass, and it appears some profaned undead creatures have been attacking the temple of Kelemvor lately. The land falls under heavy threats that while giving a small break, are prone to blow up at some point, and cause a full scale war conflict from the icelace to the Rawlinswoods.

    And that's only speaking of general threats. On a more personal level, I still have to keep looking at the sky constantly, wondering when will Luan dive down to get the answers I refused to give him last time we met. Aska seems to want to meet him, she's convinced he means no harm to her. I'm convinced he means a lot of harm to her, just in a way she maybe does not identify as such.

    Just of note as well, I haven't heard of Ilmen'gwath or Fate, and I'm not sure how I could contact them. These few days of calmness would probably be a perfect moment for it, before things start getting messy.

    All things considered, my life is still looking beautiful. My friends keep showing me a lot of care and offering their company, inspiring me in every step. After Albraynna's return, it's now Jerrick who appears to be back to activity, and it's a very welcoming company. Moonie made an awesome picture of me. She's just too adorable, and I count her too as a friend these days. Thorn and Fadia keep being the best friends one could ask for, and even if a bit silly at times, I enjoy most of the time spent with either of them, or both.

    And Micah… well, he just makes my days brighter, one after another. Just a hug, holding my chin up to look at his eyes, stroking my cheek with his finger, any little gesture becomes a moment I treasure. I feel that with him I'll have the strength to tackle those problems that normally make me doubtious or fearful. By his side I feel safe.

    I foresee harsh days in this land ahead of us, but I know that I will remain hopeful and possitive. There have been times where I've had to show optimism because others needed someone like me to show optimism. But today I show optimism, because I feel optimist, and I'm sure whatever happens, we'll accomplish what is right for the people of Narfell.


  • So it seems like Fadia does not approve of Micah, and that is very paining. She probably doesn't even realize how much. She sugar coated it after, said that she does accept him and if I love him she will love him too. But that's after she said what she said and saw my reaction.

    It's unfair. It really is. I've accepted and supported every of the couples of every of the persons I love. At every step, even the most unlikely ones, because they are what makes them happy, and they deserve that happiness to be plenty, and feel that they're not doing anything wrong by being with them.

    Micah is what I've been all my life hoping for, and whatever approval or disproval others have for it won't change anything. Whoever loves me will have to accept that. He has a good heart, which is all anyone should really care about.

    Speaking of Micah himself, he's decided to take on mining and smithing. He has set for himself the goal of being able to work on mithril and adamantine one day. It's an ambitious goal, but I love his determination, his thirst for challenge, and I'm going to help him in every way I can.

    I've even offered him that if he ever manages to make himself masterwork armors and weapons of steel quality or better, I'll enchant them myself to the best of my ability. We've been taking some mining trips, and travelling to places, looking for new challenges, and his progress has been really good.

    And speaking of challenges, we were recently met by one we couldn't pass. At least, not at that time. We went to Mintas to test how he'd do against the dire animals, considering I'll probably need to take a trip there sometime soon to hunt Lillia down. It went pretty well, I must admit. We cleared the whole area without major inconvenience, other than the first stampede we received when we first stepped in the forests, but with his combat expertise and Lehava's aid, we managed just fine. He even got some of the bears, wolves and such to fight for us. I don't know how he does it, but some animals seem to take him for their Alpha male, which is both admirable and amusing.

    On the way back we met Lillia. I wonder if she knew the reason for we were there… it had been a long time since I had seen her. We just had small talk, mentioned her children and their possible locations. Our meeting was cut short as fire columns started raining upon us. Lillia fled and an angel-like creature descended upon us. He was Luan.

    After some small talk, he demanded to know Aska's location, request which was declined. I made up some story but I'm really awful at lying and he could read it in me, so he threatened us, drawing his flaming sword. Micah did the same, and a moment after we were fighting.

    The demon was way too powerful and we were not prepared… first thing he did was summoning an acid lightningstorm. I recognized that as the spell "Storm of Vengeance" and quickly ran out of its area of influence. Micah didn't know it, though, and he had no chance. He was caught in the storm and subdued while I could do nothing to reach him. The feeling of impotence while I saw him fall unconscious and beaten was shredding my very soul…

    Then Luan demanded again to be told where Aska is, with his sword across Micah's neck. I was trapped, overwhelmed by the situation. Couldn't tell him about Aska, but I couldn't allow him to do anything to my Guardian. So I charged Luan with my shoulder rather than my blade hoping to just knock him away from him. The demon swept back helped by his wings before I reached him, so I met only the ground. At least now I was between him and Micah.

    I knew I had no chance to defeat him in a fight, but towards the east I saw hope. It was merely a few minutes before dawn, so I had to buy time. I tried to bluff him, saying I'd tell him Aska's location in exchange of something, but I needed to think about it just a moment. He seemed interested in knowing what I wanted in exchange, but began to grow nervous soon.

    Fortunately, the plan worked and the dawn came, as he began to receive the direct impact of several sunbeams, burning his skin. He braced his sword, and flew into a stormcloud for shelter. I took that opportunity to heal Micah and snap him out of his unconsciousness, and then withdraw from the area as a few groups of lesser devils descended upon us from the stormcloud to attempt to stop us. We got rid of them and kept moving on, leaving the stormcloud behind us.

    We got to Norwick without more inconveniences, but I definitely don't like the idea of being confronted again by Luan, specially since he's proven to be a formidable enemy. All I can think of for now is having always at least one Sunbeam prayer prepared, and see if that does harm him in any special way, should we have to battle him again.

    Of one thing I'm as sure as Micah. We are not going to live in hiding.


  • I'll write today of relief, and of another victory. The Bringer of the Inferno which caused so much loss and pain to Aska has been dealt with. Following my investigations and some leads I received from unlikely sources, I sent a letter for aid to Lady Millern, and she called me hurriedly to her presence. It appears that the demon earned the ire of Mordekainen himself and was trapped into a staff, which was in possession of the Order of the Divine Shield.

    After I communed with Lathander and his Angels for aid, I was instructed to reveal the staff and say a prayer to the Morninglord in its presence. I did so, with the consent of the High Priestess of Tyr, and Asianne, who I had seen before in some kind of vision, came to retrieve it herself.

    Asianne, Star of the Rising Sun, is the current Herald of Lathander, ever since Aska's fall. She is… her visage alone is enamouring, with a beauty that goes beyond her pristine physical appearance. It's like the world around her transforms. Her presence alone made me feel like I could charge an army of demons at her simple command.

    She spoke a little with me. We spoke of Aska, too. She said she loves her still. And misses her. But also knows that what she did was a great sin, hard to forgive, and impossible to forget. Said she was proud to be led to battle by Aska so many times. Then she took the staff and left, presumably the realm of Morninglory, in the layer of Eronia within the Blessed Fields of Elysium.

    I had a chance to talk with Aska about all of this, and she still has resentment in her, but I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I consider her now much of a sister. She's stubborn and blunt as a sack of bricks, but she has a huge heart that needs a lot of care and love. She's agreed to meet with Asianne if I am able to arrange such a meeting. She's convinced that her old comrade won't attend such meeting. We'll see.

    On other news, I've been seeing Micah more steadily again. It seems he just got a bit busy in the city for a few days, but in no way he meant to make me feel like he had just vanished. We've spent a few whole days together lately. And nights, of course… long, wonderful nights.

    I've been spending time with Albryanna as well. She's been tagging along with us for drinks, talks and adventuring. She's a really nice girl and fun to have around. Also she seems to have the ability to make Micah grumble, which is just too amusing. I can't even be jealous because she's more of a man than him most of the time.

    Another thing to mention is little Tindra and her "friend", Kiana… one of these nights when Micah was taking me to the in for dinner, we found them half-naked, making out all over each other. I didn't mind much myself, but he turned around and walked off grumbling something about decency. I gave a light scold to Tindra, just pointing the pubilicity of the place and left after him with shaking my head with a grin.

    I just woke up from what I think is a well deserved rest, and I did so between my Guardian's arms. It seems my subconscious or whatever it is has fully accepted him already as that, my Guardian, my protector. His touch alone soothes me, and his presence doesn't cause hostile reactions anymore.

    Lately things have been going very well, but I must not let my guard down and become complacent. Today is another day, and such is another opportunity to keep making every new day better than the previous.


  • ::untitled entry::

    Well, it's time to write again about a few things. Truth is, quite a few things have been happening lately.

    It appears that Tindra and Kiana can't stay away from each other. In part I'm really happy for Tindra, if that means she has made her choice, and she's happy. In the other hand, I know so little of the pale elf woman, that I'm not sure whether it's good or bad. I only hope the best for her, and in the end, it's her own choice to take.

    I've been meeting Aska a few more times. She is adorable when she is tipsy, and she's even making cute attempts at humour. I've found a few things about the demon which stripped her off everything she had and all she loved. Now I'm going to find out a way to lure out that demonic creature to remove it from existence. And I don't mean just banishing it. I want it gone for good. Aska will be avenged.

    I've also spent some more time with Thorn and Fadia, but also with Albry, who seems to be around again. I enjoyed a lot my time with them, though it would seem I feel asleep with them at some point, and I started dreaming of Micah… and I made a fool of myself. Thorn didn't wake me up before I went too far with my dream, and people I don't fully trust as close friends like Ael'Que and Kiana witnessed it all. I decided to not make any issue out of it, though it did hurt. It was a bad choice for a prank, because we were also in public, but I'll just put it behind me and forget it.

    In the end I had a nice, long talk with Thorn. We feel really comfortable with each other, and I can't say enough times how much I value his friendship. Though I wish I could cuddle someone else a bit more often.

    Now that I think of it, I haven't seen Micah ever since I told him about Lathander's gift to me, about the fact that I do not age… and it's been quite some days now. I'm starting to fear that I have scared him off afterall. I truly hope that is not so. I don't want to even write about this, so I'll stop doing so now.

    Speaking of other things, I took a trip to the crypts recently with Hammerhand, Soliel, Reo, Storn, Kabul and María. We found a lot of vampiric mists and strong skelleton archers. While we thought that was atypical, we really couldn't predict what was ahead of us. In the big middle room of the second level there was an Awakened Death Knight. That was a challenge none of us was expecting, much less so when it summoned a balor. Once again I have to thank my lord for His gifts, in granting me enough willpower to force the balor into fleeing as I called for His Holy Word. With the aid of Maria's enhancing spells and the cooperation of the whole group, we could defeat the powerful knight, putting it to rest forever.

    But that was not all. When we were done and finding our way back, we began to find traps, and eventually, the source of them - a drow ambush. I swear I fought fierce as I could, but my legs were wobbly the whole time. We managed to defeat the first drow ambush, but there was another waiting just outside the crypts, double the size of the first. In that one, our blessings were spent and we were terribly outnumbered and outmatched.

    I made a retreat call, and then an 'every man for himself' one, when I saw how chaotic it was turning. It appears that most exercised their survival abilities and made it safely back to Norwick, except for Hammerhand, who I saw fall next to me, while I was attempting to hold the drow from the rest of the group. I tended to his return, though I do feel sorry for him. He just seems to keep finding his way to the Fugue Plane.

    After this, I decided to go spend some relax time in Peltarch instead, and I found an old friend, Anakore. Such a gallant, as usual. Wish he was around more often, he is really nice to talk to and share time with. Well, that, and he keeps flattering me. Hey, I'm just a human girl, I like that.

    He invited me to some drinks at the Dancing Mermaid. Knowing myself, I didn't take my ring off for that one… and as the drinks went down, Anakore's flattery turned even embarrassing. For a moment I thought he was just going to kiss me as he held my cheek and looked into my eyes, saying that I could turn any man's dreams into reality…

    In the end, I suppose he noticed I was acting a bit in the defensive, and after one too many drinks, he passed out. I gently removed myself, letting him rest on the couch as I headed back to Norwick.

    It's been a long day today, so I think I'm going to sleep quite well. Tomorrow will be another day. A wonderful one, I'm sure.


  • Heart in Flames

    I managed to explain Micah my problem. The trauma, the irrational phobia that pursues me, the horrors of it. As everytime I tell this story to someone I trust, I became a puddle of tears, but he knew how to soothe me and kept me from drifting into depression.

    After a little trip to freshen our minds we had an undescribable, wonderful time, and I just didn't have the heart to tell him to leave my bed. He already knew my problem, so he wouldn't be offended by whatever that could happen. We also took some precautions before I fell asleep between his arms. I depleted all my prayers and we kept out of the room any objects that could be used as a weapon, as well as we locked the door while Micah kept the key.

    And it happened. I wanted to think it wouldn't, but something inside told me it would. I had a nightmare, and one of my seizures. Apparently I bit a chunk of flesh off his arm while he was holding me and tried to attack him, then ran off. Fortunately, it appears that the precautions we took prevented anything more serious from happening.

    As usual I don't remember much, but I do know it happened, because everytime, at some point I start calming down and realize that is all product of my mind. And when that happened this time, I was being carried lovingly by my Guardian, clinging on his neck.

    I don't know how he did it, but even though I was alienated, he somehow managed to gain my trust before it was over. He wouldn't tell me either, but I did not pry, for me it was enough the feeling of warmth and safety.

    He took me outside to watch the dawn, still carrying me in his arms. It was the most beautiful dawn I've watched in a long time, if not ever. I love him so very much. He loves me too. I feel it. I know it. When I asked him where he had been the rest of my life, he answered "I don't know, my Angel, but I do know where I'm going to be the rest of mine." Then he just looked at me with those orange eyes of his.

    What can I do? I'm his. And I'm very proud of it.


  • My Guardian

    It is incredible. I've said it in previous entries, but ever since I returned from the refreshing trip to Suzail and made a few decissions to change my life, there is only place for optimism and joy in me. Today, my heart is exalted and my spirit exhilarated. And there are many reasons for it, but Micah is guilty of the biggest of them.

    Last night, after a failed Fight Night which I won't even bother writing about, Fadia, Lorie, he and I went home to have a drink. I needed my sisters to know a bit more of him, and by the way the night went, I think they both liked him. They even teamed up against me to pick on my little tolerance to alcoholic drinks, but "lightweight Rithy" will get back at them for it!

    It seems I passed out for a while and it got late pretty quickly for Lorie, so she decided to return to the home she shares with Jerrick and the kittens, while Fadia went to rest herself. So Micah and I were left alone, and decided to take a quick trip to the crypts to cleanse them and continue with his training. Truth is, while he dealt with the undead, I spent most of the time thinking on getting back to spend some alone time with him. There were so many things I needed to tell him.

    The undead cleansing was successfull, and back home we decided to take a bath together to get rid of the foul smell of the crypts. Helped each other to scrub off the dirt and well… physical contact was just all we needed to break the thin layer of ice between us. We ended up facing each other, a little spark ignited the flame, and next I remember is my lips were locked on his.

    He embraced me with his strong arms, and I felt floating in a dream, suspended in trance, drunken with passion. He whispered unheard words, I told him I wanted to be his, and he said that he wanted to be mine.

    That ended the only way it could end, in the most primal, yet passionate expression of love. At times I felt that even our bodies were getting in the way. It was a rich and wonderful journey filled with vibrant colours and unique sensations.

    Sadly, there was a... little downside. Due to my problem, I had to ask him, very reluctantly, to leave my bed after we were done. I would have loved to spend the whole night with him, and I was dying to just fall asleep in his embrace, but I couldn't risk it. I couldn't explain him why he had to leave my bed either, but he accepted to go sleep to my old room. I could see him struggle to step out of the bed, but he did not complain, and did as I asked like a true gentleman.

    I promised him I will tell him what was that about next time we have a chance to talk. I'm a bit afraid of ruining it all, but I think I can feel that he really loves me, so hopefully he will understand. Besides, I might have a solution for it very soon. And who knows... perhaps my subconscious accepts him, like it has accepted Lorie and Thorn. He has self-proclaimed to be a Guardian, afterall. My Guardian.


  • That went well… I've managed to find Fadia, Lorie, and Thorn in the last few days, and they've all agreed to help me.

    Thorn was specially worried about receiving aid from someone named Ilmen'gwath, and that has avoided to mention the price for his services so far. Truth is, it does worry me as well, but I have to trust that everything will be alright.

    Had a good time with him, too. I'm not going to hold any grudge on him for anything. I love him, and I know he loves me too. There are many diferent kinds and degrees of love, but I don't care. He likes to spend time with me, and I feel like I could trust him with anything, and that is all that matters.

    Lorie and I spent some time at home. She says she'll bring the kittens a bit more often and have them play with Tawny. I'm sure she'll be delighted. I told her too about Micah, my "guardian". She seemed really happy that I'm getting along well with someone, it's like she's hoping I'll find someone to give me those little things that she and Thorn can not for diferent reasons.

    I told her I'll introduce him to her soon, so she can give her approval. She said herself, Micah will have to pass the Lorie-test. I can say he's passing every of the Rith-tests I've run him through.

    Today, I met both him and my new squire, Stotter, and thought to present them an exercise. I had them escort me while I was unarmed and unarmored, without any of my aid, through the whole first level of the barrow-crypts at the south end of the old Norwickian graveyard. Just as if they had rescued someone unable to defend themselves and had to escort them to safety.

    They worked together brilliantly, and got me through unscathed. Not even a scratch. But that's not all. They were so confident of themselves that they decided to press on for a little bit more, and went to the second level. They didn't go too deep in there, but enough to defeat one of the rotten flesh giants, which I was impressed with.

    At that point, however, they let a ghoul slip past their guard, and grasp my arm, attempting to paralyze me. I shrugged it off easily, but had their escort been a weak defenseless girl, it could have been much worse. I'm sure they'll learn from that one mistake, because they seem to have limitless potential.

    With the exercise over, we returned to Norwick, just to find a group of duergar arriving to the gates and making more demands about ilithid devices. Once again they seemed incapable of accepting a "no" for an answer, and became hostile. I had to call for the aid of Lehava, but then more duergar came after the first few. In the end they were all defeated, but that is definitely a matter to keep an eye on.

    With the day almost over, Micah took me to the inn for some quiet dinner. We talked, made some jokes, drank some wine…

    And then, just like that, we kissed. I don't know what got over me, but truth is, I really like him. I'm a little mess right now, but I don't even want to bother brainstorming myself about it. He took me upstairs in his arms like a loving bride and with another kiss he tucked me in so I could rest for the night. He's been such a gentleman to me.

    I need Lorie to meet him as soon as possible, so she can give her verdict. I'd like to know him a bit better, but if my twin sister gives her blessing, and if he is ready for it… I believe I will go ahead and give this.. whatever it is, a try. I know right now I'm feeling extremelly happy and exalted, and that feeling can't be wrong.


  • So, it looks like I'm letting the more wild side of myself take over. I'm not only twin to the prettiest were-kitty, I have not only made of the wilderness my place to call home, but now I am also part of the wolf-pack of Narfell.

    I am just a friend, but they have offered me home with them, to belong with them, and considering I count most of them as friends, I feel honoured. I'm really happy about it, I feel like mixing with them will make me a richer person.

    On other news, I recently met an elf, Ilmen'gwath. I thought he was just a traveller and we were having just small talk, when it suddenly turned quite deeper than I had anticipated. He said he was a businessman and offered people things they needed in trade. He spoke like he knew what people need.

    I asked him then to tell me what did he think I needed. For a moment, he stared at me, and almost made me pale. I felt naked before his scrutinying gaze. A moment after, he said there are two things I need direly. He could help with one, and he had a partner that could help with the other.

    I kept asking, and he said we'd need privacy, so when we walked off to find it, he explained that something haunts me, an irrational fear that controls me whenever I slept. I knew then that he wasn't bluffing, so I asked for his help. He said he could help, but I'd need the aid of my friends to face those nightmares, for I alone couldn't.

    Then he said that for my other problem… I needed someone else, a partner of his called Fate. He said he owed her a favour... almost sounded like sending me to her would be a way to repay it.

    He parted with the promise of finding me soon, and then he would tell me what needs to be done. He didn't mention what would be the price of his services, even though I asked several times. Something tells me it won't be just gold... but at this point, that doesn't trouble me much. I'll find a way to repay him, if he does fix me.

    I think I'll need Lorie for this. But also Fadia and Tindra. Possibly Thorn, and maybe Rasuil… I'm not sure who else I can trust enough to delve into the depths of my soul. I'll have to consider it very carefully.

    Meanwhile, I've met a new person, a warrior by the name of Micah. At first I didn't find him trustable. I believe he arrived to the land without clear purpose, and he heard me talk about how there is a lack of warriors who specialize on protecting others, and that was motivation enough for him to take that path. And I have to say, he has an innate skill for avoiding blows in melee combat. He says he will become a guardian, and he has helped me several times now cleansing the crypts of Norwick.

    By now, we've also shared a few drinks and tales, and I've found his company enjoyable. I believe I might end up spending quite some time with him.

    Now I need to find Fadia and Thorn to ask them to help me with what the elf offered. I hope they'll want to lend me a hand. Lorie, I know I don't even have to ask. I'll find her sooner or later.

    I believe I saw the purple elf just walking into the Phoenix Halls…


  • 2 x 1

    And here we are. The trip to Tindra's home was rather eventful, but nothing we couldn't handle. The usual hobgoblins and even a few bugbears tried to cut our trip short, but truth is, with our five bows, they rarely even reached melee range.

    Truth is, the trip went quick for me, as I was pretty absent minded during most of it, thinking of what Thorn had revealed to me just a few nights before we parted. I can barely think of anything else right now. I suppose I shouldn't be a fool and get my hopes up again. We'll see what happens… I need to give it a lot of thought. And I'm determined to not hurt myself this time.

    During the trip itself there was a funny moment when one of the bugbears began to chase Tindra around and she kept tumbling over, driving the bugbear mad until we finally put it down. The catty elf was red faced from the effort and adrenaline but the sight of it was almost comical.

    In the end we arrived to a forest clearing, which is where both Tindra and Lorie recognized as the old village. I enabled my True Seeing and could see some figures along the treelines around the clearing. They seemed human shaped, and small enough to not be bugbears.

    After a few seconds, a handsome elf came forth excitedly towards me… I was rather surprised, but when he was just a few yards from me he looked confused. Heh... once again Lorie and I had been mistaken. I told him my name, and he went to hug my kitty twin instead as she basically sulked in his embrace.

    It was then when he looked over Lorie's shoulder that he saw Tindra, and he wondered who was that elf that had so heavy resemblance to his daughter… and himself.

    It's then that everyone stood silently, and I felt their sights diverting towards me. Seriously, there is something about shiny plate armors. But I understood it was my turn to give some explanations.

    I gave Terralash the "short" story. I purpossedly skipped the deals with the fey and werecats, because he was looking overwhelmed enough just with the rest of the unlikely story. In the end, he took a long time to swallow it, and finally went to Tindra to give her a tight hug.

    Then he went to Lorie, that now was a puddle of nerves and I saw guilt growing inside her. I was almost pushing with my mind that he would also give her a tight hug and call her daughter. However, he gave her a stern look. It was stern, but it was also the look that a father gives to his child. He asked her if that's all she was. A fake life of lies. Lorie said trembling that she wasn't a lie. She was diferent, but real. Then Terralash hugged her tightly as well, accepting her to everyone's relief.

    After the tensions we were led to the elven village, which is built on the treetops, while below is a barbarian settlement. Looks like the circumstances forced them to live together, and I have to say, I found extremelly beautiful and inspiring that both races would share the same patch of the forest. Some peoples in Narfell could take a good lecture from it.

    This elf village is beautiful, really. It doesn't need to be compared to my home, because it's just a diferent kind of beauty. There's something great about living with nature, within nature. It smells of freedom, and harmony. I can't think of a better place to give some more throught to Thorn's vision, now that everyone else are having a lot of catching up to do, or craving for private time.


  • Ah, if I had known…

    Ever since I returned from Suzail, I've been enjoying my personal life greatly. Ever since I decided I'd get rid of the things that burden and undermine my morale, and focus on those that make me happy, my life has changed.

    And it doesn't even mean that I need to stop fighting the threats of the land. I believe I'm in the way to finding an harmonic balance that fills me and satisfies both my professional and my personal lives.

    One of those things I finally got done to achieve my goals is leaving the Order of the Divine Shield. This time I didn't present my resignation to Daisy as I did some time back, when she rejected it, and convinced me to stay. As much as I respect and admire her, this time I felt it was mine, and only mine decission to take.

    No longer I'll have inner debates or strifes about which of my orders I should priorize, no longer I'll feel like an outsider in my own house, and no longer I'll have to be afraid of faulting a brother of arms while speaking or doing what my heart tells me is right, or when choosing my own path and my own friends.

    I know they do what they consider right. I know they follow their gods' edicts to the letter. But they lost the spirit long ago. To think that some of them still held grudges on me because I questioned them when they made deals with devils, but now are ever so swift to cast judgement on others, or failing arguments, run them through their lance claiming it to be the judgement of the gods. It troubles me the bullying context of it, and how thin is the line that separates it from a Malarite's "the stronger prevails, the weak dies".

    That Order still carries the name I gave it when I created it, together with my dear sister Shane Andryl, rest in peace. It's a shame it no longer carries much more than that. And it's fortunate that I no longer feel like it's my responsibility to change it.

    Speaking of change… things are changing in the pass. It'd appear that the Children of Hoar are allowing themselves to be wrongly adviced. I had a talk with Ronan, and their territorial claims are way out of proportion. Even claiming the bridge area is out of their possibilities in my mind. Sure, the Eastlanders held that bridge in the pass, but just as well forcefully, under blood and death threats. That you forcefully ocupy a land doesn't make it eventually yours by right.

    The worst of all is, the hoarans are victims of it. The regular young boys that get given a sword and a shield and thrown into the pass, leaving behind their children and wives… they are effectively being held as hostages, so people with morales like us feel burden upon our shoulders on harming them.

    This manipulative game is not new to me, and it's one that wicked people without ethics use far too often, but we can not allow it to stop us, or to give in. It's a matter of locating the cancer and rooting it out. After a talk with Lorie, and considering the various encounters I've had with Vaxin and the things he's told me, we believe he may be the puppet master. He's likely spurring Jonathan to cause conflict, and the hoaran leader, consumed by his own hatred and thirst for vengeance, is attending to the mysterious mage's advice. Jonathan is likely not free of guilt, specially after I was told the story of how he's suspected to have caused Jonni's death in the past, to overtake him as leader of the Gypsy Camp, and at the same time used that death to blame the Legion and Norwick for it, as excuse to make the big changes in the camp, that transformed it into what it is now.

    We'll see how that goes, I suppose. For now, it's the politicians that are handling the matter. It's not that I trust politics that much, but at this time I don't know a better solution myself, so it's best to wait and see what comes out of it.

    On another topic, I've been meeting lately a fallen angel, Aska. And by fallen angel I mean she has been exiled from the Blessed Fields of Elysium, not that she's a champion of evil. I'm trying to show her the ups and downs of her new life, but she's totally alien to things like having to eat, drink, and care for other living beings, including plants and animals. There is some progress, I think, tough she still doesn't feel ready to tell me what caused her exile. I hope her soul isn't totally lost, and we can still make a good person out of her.

    I've also performed the Greater Scrying that Tindra asked me to. And I was delighted to find that her father is alive. Alive and well, and he's a quite young and handsome elf! I've already told her, and we'll prepare a trip together to meet with him, so they can reunite. Lorie, Fadia, and Thorn will be coming too. My kitty twin seems very nervous about it, but knowing how she loves attention, I gave her quite a thorough massage last night and got her to fall in relaxation, like a cute rag doll. I don't think I had ever heard her purr so loud. I think Thorn was jealous, by the way he was looking at her!

    Speaking of Thorn… he truly is a blessing. I don't know how could I choose to stay away from him. I find myself yearning for his company, as being around him awakes a strange feeling inside me... a feeling of being defenseless, but at the same time invulnerable. And it's a very nice feeling. I hope his friendship will be a lasting one, for I truly treasure it.

    Tomorrow we'll all depart to see Tindra's father. I'll pray for it to be a safe journey and reach our destination swiftly.


  • Quest for Joy

    I keep being told. Rith, try to care for yourself. Rith, try to be a bit selfish sometimes. Rith, you are only human, you'll break if you just give it all and take nothing.

    When one person I loved told me, I took it as their wish to see me find something better for myself, while not understanding that helping others is what gives me a purpose, what makes me happy.

    But lately… many people I love tell me. And even those that barely know me and can look at me from a more objective point of view. Perhaps it is time I quest for other than slaying demons, or recovering a Lathanderite relic. I think it's time I quest for Joy. My Joy.

    Looking at myself, I consider myself a happy and satisfied person. I like who I am and what I am. I like that I can make a difference, that I matter, and that those around me can feel safe and inspired. And I know it's not just vanity... Oh I know I'm vain sometimes in more material matters. I like being told I'm pretty, and I like caring for myself constantly like a kitten. But I mean it more mystically... this is different, it's a feeling of accomplishment, that I've managed to become someone loved and respected, and that I manage to bring Lathander's light to the hearts of people.

    Still, all of that is my life as a high priestess, as Dawnlady Phoenixfeather. There is my other life, the life of a clumsy girl who is a bit too emotional, and yearns for a personal life. A young woman, very mundane, with very simple needs, that every passing day has a harder time to find a glimpse of solace on her other life. This is me writing now, Rith, or Sunny, as my friends like to call me.

    In a sense... it's only fair that Dawnlady Phoenixfeather, who has quested to fill so many lives with joy... for once, and just for once, quests to for Sunny's joy.

    I've taken some steps already. I've become a bit more loose when I'm not on duty, I've opened myself to new people, and tried to not think so much about some things. I've decided that I'm going to get rid of all the problems that burden me emotionally.

    And I'll do that without making hasty decissions or out of whim, but without living in the assumption that I can't change it. I have dreams that I've been pushing back far too long just on duty's call, and honestly, I know my Lord Lathander wouldn't demand that of me. Not Him.

    Tonight, after a nice talk with my sisters and getting what I needed from Lorie to scry for her dad, I went to the Wolves Den to tie a loose end, the one thing that was gnawing on my entrails and making my life uneasy.

    I went to find Thorn and I asked him to forgive me, and to return to my life. To Sunny's life. It made me really happy to see how he didn't even doubt to accept. I'm glad he didn't hold grudging feelings because of how I treated him that night. Truth is, I've given him too many headaches and he just complies, never complains. He deserves a better Sunny, and I'm going to give it to him. He likes to have me around, and I like to have him around, so I don't see why we should keep away. What pain causes me certain things… I'll get over it. It's not even comparable to the pain of not being close to someone I love.

    We talked all night about a lot of things. Personal and professional, touched all the decks a little bit. We were plotting a bit about my quest for Joy, and I can feel he really wants the best for me. In the end I was exhausted and fell asleep with him on the couch. I just woke up a few minutes ago to find some breakfast on the table next to me, though he seems gone, so I'm guesing he has duties with the Norwick scouts.

    The irony of it is that when I tried to leave the Wolves Den I found the door is locked and I can't exit. Heh.. serves me right, for doing that to him in the past. He did warn me that was a possibility, so I can't complain either.

    This is a beautiful place anyway, so I'll just sit here and enjoy the touch of nature until someone opens the door for me. Meanwhile, I have a quest to fulfill and I need to keep plotting how I'm going to carry it over.


  • ::untitled entry::

    After we returned, I was talking with Lorie, and noticed we had forgotten to bring some gifts to the little kittens as we promised them. It had been a few exciting and fast paced days, so it had completely slipped off our minds.

    But we decided to fix it before disappointing the little twins. We took them to Suzail for a day to see the place, just Lorie, the little brats and me. Oh uncle Hammond was so deligthed to see them. I find really adorable how easy and open to people are Leena and Elaine.

    In the afternoon we took them for a walk through the promenade, could see their little eyes big so big and filled with happiness and awe. And in the end, we took them to a toy shop, so they could pick themselves their own gift. Miss bossy picked a set of toy purple dragon soldiers. Lorie and I laughed at the thought that she'd be happy commanding them. Miss hyperactive took a colourfull puzzle-figure of a dragon. That toy was actually meant for kids a bit older than her, but she's really smart, I bet she'll figure it out in no time.

    It was a fun day all in all, with a couple of embarrassing situations with the kids wanting to be kittens and play with the the diferent things they saw along the streets… thankfully, Suzail has a culture very used to diferent races and kinds, even sighting dragons gliding over the city is not rare, so two little kittens wanting to have some harmless fun didn't cause any special reaction other than some "awwwww" faces.

    Changing topic, I returned to the den a few days ago, and Thorn was there. I wanted to apologize if I hurt him when I left him "locked". I never thought of it that way, I just needed to take some distance and I thought Fadia was capable of opening the door for him if he needed out, but I was told that actually that might have upset him. In any case, he was really cold and distant. Didn't even step close to me as he turned around and left. We'll have it that way I suppose. It's all my doing anyway, so I can't really complain.

    On other matters, I've been trying to loose myself a bit. After last Fight Night I had quite a lot of fun with a few people like Lorie, Sabre, Corwin and even a man I hadn't known much of before, that says to be son of old Deacon! His name is Korlis and he seem a good fellow. Can never tell, because he's with the Black Sails, and so is Sabre. There are numerous rumours about that organization, but as always, I'll judge people by myself.

    Truth is I allowed myself to drink some alcoholic beverage and I went a little bit tipsy. Corwin took me to a bench near the fire where apparently I fell asleep. And apparently when I woke up he was holding me with a cloak to protect me from the rain… and my reaction was the usual. Seems I knocked him over, insulted him and ran away. I'm just glad I didn't hurt him, at least physically. He was hurt in other ways, that hopefully I managed to ammend in a talk we had at a latter time.

    I've spent some time with Rasuil too. He's a nice guy and I like him, and that's again against the advice of some others. Once he opens up you can notice he's a troubled man but has a heart that doesn't fit in his chest. His problems are severe, too, and I'll help him with anything I can. He has now set his eyes on Sabre, the sailor woman I mentioned earlier. She is a very peculiar woman, so I couldn't give him much advice, but I hope it works the best for him. He could use her love and company to get through his ordeals. Nobody deserves to be alone.

    Afterwards, Tindra came and wanted to speak with me after she went to a trip to the forests to trim a bit the numbers of the goblins and hobgoblins. I gave most of my blessings to her group to aid them in their campaign, which at first seemed a good idea… but later almost had grave consequences.

    Just when they returned and Tindra and I were talking, the gates were attacked by hundreds of goblins, together with bugbears, trolls, worgs… and even golems and a hell cow. Golems of the nastier type... and I had no blessings available to me, as I had given them all to the group of adventurers. Luckily Val showed up and her inspiring hymns and spells helped a lot.

    It was a frantic and tough defense, expensive one too. But eventually we won the day and there was only a few fallen, some red cloaks and the dwarf called Gnarl. I say "a few" because considering the circumstances it could have been much worse. I told Tindra that I'd be tending to the fallen and return to finish our talk, but when I returned she was nowhere to be seen.

    I suppose she had business to attend, so we can finish that talk some other time. I didn't see Fadia or Tamara either, so I guessed they went together somewhere. Speaking of Tamara, she is a young girl I've met recently that likes to call me "pretty magical lady". That makes me giggle because it's really cute, but I asked her to call me just Rith. Now she calls me "pretty Riff". It's too adorable to even complain, so I'll let her go with that.

    Just before the day ended, I had a nice and quiet talk with Korlis. He must've been the fourth person this tenday that tells me that I shouldn't take my duty so sternly and try to have more fun myself, loose myself a bit and enjoy life. Well… yeah I'm trying. I'll get there eventually. I just don't want to disappoint Lathander. I am what I am thanks to Him, and I need to make sure that His gifts are being used for the Greater Good, not for my own.

    I think I'll have a nice sleep tonight, because it's been a quite hectic day. There is nobody here in the den now. It feels pretty lonely. But as usual, Tawny is here, willing to offer her fur as a comfy pillow. Oh, Tawny, what would I do without you?