3. The Book of Dawn

The Book of Dawn


  • ::untitled entry::

    Well, it's time to write again about a few things. Truth is, quite a few things have been happening lately.

    It appears that Tindra and Kiana can't stay away from each other. In part I'm really happy for Tindra, if that means she has made her choice, and she's happy. In the other hand, I know so little of the pale elf woman, that I'm not sure whether it's good or bad. I only hope the best for her, and in the end, it's her own choice to take.

    I've been meeting Aska a few more times. She is adorable when she is tipsy, and she's even making cute attempts at humour. I've found a few things about the demon which stripped her off everything she had and all she loved. Now I'm going to find out a way to lure out that demonic creature to remove it from existence. And I don't mean just banishing it. I want it gone for good. Aska will be avenged.

    I've also spent some more time with Thorn and Fadia, but also with Albry, who seems to be around again. I enjoyed a lot my time with them, though it would seem I feel asleep with them at some point, and I started dreaming of Micah… and I made a fool of myself. Thorn didn't wake me up before I went too far with my dream, and people I don't fully trust as close friends like Ael'Que and Kiana witnessed it all. I decided to not make any issue out of it, though it did hurt. It was a bad choice for a prank, because we were also in public, but I'll just put it behind me and forget it.

    In the end I had a nice, long talk with Thorn. We feel really comfortable with each other, and I can't say enough times how much I value his friendship. Though I wish I could cuddle someone else a bit more often.

    Now that I think of it, I haven't seen Micah ever since I told him about Lathander's gift to me, about the fact that I do not age… and it's been quite some days now. I'm starting to fear that I have scared him off afterall. I truly hope that is not so. I don't want to even write about this, so I'll stop doing so now.

    Speaking of other things, I took a trip to the crypts recently with Hammerhand, Soliel, Reo, Storn, Kabul and María. We found a lot of vampiric mists and strong skelleton archers. While we thought that was atypical, we really couldn't predict what was ahead of us. In the big middle room of the second level there was an Awakened Death Knight. That was a challenge none of us was expecting, much less so when it summoned a balor. Once again I have to thank my lord for His gifts, in granting me enough willpower to force the balor into fleeing as I called for His Holy Word. With the aid of Maria's enhancing spells and the cooperation of the whole group, we could defeat the powerful knight, putting it to rest forever.

    But that was not all. When we were done and finding our way back, we began to find traps, and eventually, the source of them - a drow ambush. I swear I fought fierce as I could, but my legs were wobbly the whole time. We managed to defeat the first drow ambush, but there was another waiting just outside the crypts, double the size of the first. In that one, our blessings were spent and we were terribly outnumbered and outmatched.

    I made a retreat call, and then an 'every man for himself' one, when I saw how chaotic it was turning. It appears that most exercised their survival abilities and made it safely back to Norwick, except for Hammerhand, who I saw fall next to me, while I was attempting to hold the drow from the rest of the group. I tended to his return, though I do feel sorry for him. He just seems to keep finding his way to the Fugue Plane.

    After this, I decided to go spend some relax time in Peltarch instead, and I found an old friend, Anakore. Such a gallant, as usual. Wish he was around more often, he is really nice to talk to and share time with. Well, that, and he keeps flattering me. Hey, I'm just a human girl, I like that.

    He invited me to some drinks at the Dancing Mermaid. Knowing myself, I didn't take my ring off for that one… and as the drinks went down, Anakore's flattery turned even embarrassing. For a moment I thought he was just going to kiss me as he held my cheek and looked into my eyes, saying that I could turn any man's dreams into reality…

    In the end, I suppose he noticed I was acting a bit in the defensive, and after one too many drinks, he passed out. I gently removed myself, letting him rest on the couch as I headed back to Norwick.

    It's been a long day today, so I think I'm going to sleep quite well. Tomorrow will be another day. A wonderful one, I'm sure.


  • Heart in Flames

    I managed to explain Micah my problem. The trauma, the irrational phobia that pursues me, the horrors of it. As everytime I tell this story to someone I trust, I became a puddle of tears, but he knew how to soothe me and kept me from drifting into depression.

    After a little trip to freshen our minds we had an undescribable, wonderful time, and I just didn't have the heart to tell him to leave my bed. He already knew my problem, so he wouldn't be offended by whatever that could happen. We also took some precautions before I fell asleep between his arms. I depleted all my prayers and we kept out of the room any objects that could be used as a weapon, as well as we locked the door while Micah kept the key.

    And it happened. I wanted to think it wouldn't, but something inside told me it would. I had a nightmare, and one of my seizures. Apparently I bit a chunk of flesh off his arm while he was holding me and tried to attack him, then ran off. Fortunately, it appears that the precautions we took prevented anything more serious from happening.

    As usual I don't remember much, but I do know it happened, because everytime, at some point I start calming down and realize that is all product of my mind. And when that happened this time, I was being carried lovingly by my Guardian, clinging on his neck.

    I don't know how he did it, but even though I was alienated, he somehow managed to gain my trust before it was over. He wouldn't tell me either, but I did not pry, for me it was enough the feeling of warmth and safety.

    He took me outside to watch the dawn, still carrying me in his arms. It was the most beautiful dawn I've watched in a long time, if not ever. I love him so very much. He loves me too. I feel it. I know it. When I asked him where he had been the rest of my life, he answered "I don't know, my Angel, but I do know where I'm going to be the rest of mine." Then he just looked at me with those orange eyes of his.

    What can I do? I'm his. And I'm very proud of it.


  • My Guardian

    It is incredible. I've said it in previous entries, but ever since I returned from the refreshing trip to Suzail and made a few decissions to change my life, there is only place for optimism and joy in me. Today, my heart is exalted and my spirit exhilarated. And there are many reasons for it, but Micah is guilty of the biggest of them.

    Last night, after a failed Fight Night which I won't even bother writing about, Fadia, Lorie, he and I went home to have a drink. I needed my sisters to know a bit more of him, and by the way the night went, I think they both liked him. They even teamed up against me to pick on my little tolerance to alcoholic drinks, but "lightweight Rithy" will get back at them for it!

    It seems I passed out for a while and it got late pretty quickly for Lorie, so she decided to return to the home she shares with Jerrick and the kittens, while Fadia went to rest herself. So Micah and I were left alone, and decided to take a quick trip to the crypts to cleanse them and continue with his training. Truth is, while he dealt with the undead, I spent most of the time thinking on getting back to spend some alone time with him. There were so many things I needed to tell him.

    The undead cleansing was successfull, and back home we decided to take a bath together to get rid of the foul smell of the crypts. Helped each other to scrub off the dirt and well… physical contact was just all we needed to break the thin layer of ice between us. We ended up facing each other, a little spark ignited the flame, and next I remember is my lips were locked on his.

    He embraced me with his strong arms, and I felt floating in a dream, suspended in trance, drunken with passion. He whispered unheard words, I told him I wanted to be his, and he said that he wanted to be mine.

    That ended the only way it could end, in the most primal, yet passionate expression of love. At times I felt that even our bodies were getting in the way. It was a rich and wonderful journey filled with vibrant colours and unique sensations.

    Sadly, there was a... little downside. Due to my problem, I had to ask him, very reluctantly, to leave my bed after we were done. I would have loved to spend the whole night with him, and I was dying to just fall asleep in his embrace, but I couldn't risk it. I couldn't explain him why he had to leave my bed either, but he accepted to go sleep to my old room. I could see him struggle to step out of the bed, but he did not complain, and did as I asked like a true gentleman.

    I promised him I will tell him what was that about next time we have a chance to talk. I'm a bit afraid of ruining it all, but I think I can feel that he really loves me, so hopefully he will understand. Besides, I might have a solution for it very soon. And who knows... perhaps my subconscious accepts him, like it has accepted Lorie and Thorn. He has self-proclaimed to be a Guardian, afterall. My Guardian.


  • That went well… I've managed to find Fadia, Lorie, and Thorn in the last few days, and they've all agreed to help me.

    Thorn was specially worried about receiving aid from someone named Ilmen'gwath, and that has avoided to mention the price for his services so far. Truth is, it does worry me as well, but I have to trust that everything will be alright.

    Had a good time with him, too. I'm not going to hold any grudge on him for anything. I love him, and I know he loves me too. There are many diferent kinds and degrees of love, but I don't care. He likes to spend time with me, and I feel like I could trust him with anything, and that is all that matters.

    Lorie and I spent some time at home. She says she'll bring the kittens a bit more often and have them play with Tawny. I'm sure she'll be delighted. I told her too about Micah, my "guardian". She seemed really happy that I'm getting along well with someone, it's like she's hoping I'll find someone to give me those little things that she and Thorn can not for diferent reasons.

    I told her I'll introduce him to her soon, so she can give her approval. She said herself, Micah will have to pass the Lorie-test. I can say he's passing every of the Rith-tests I've run him through.

    Today, I met both him and my new squire, Stotter, and thought to present them an exercise. I had them escort me while I was unarmed and unarmored, without any of my aid, through the whole first level of the barrow-crypts at the south end of the old Norwickian graveyard. Just as if they had rescued someone unable to defend themselves and had to escort them to safety.

    They worked together brilliantly, and got me through unscathed. Not even a scratch. But that's not all. They were so confident of themselves that they decided to press on for a little bit more, and went to the second level. They didn't go too deep in there, but enough to defeat one of the rotten flesh giants, which I was impressed with.

    At that point, however, they let a ghoul slip past their guard, and grasp my arm, attempting to paralyze me. I shrugged it off easily, but had their escort been a weak defenseless girl, it could have been much worse. I'm sure they'll learn from that one mistake, because they seem to have limitless potential.

    With the exercise over, we returned to Norwick, just to find a group of duergar arriving to the gates and making more demands about ilithid devices. Once again they seemed incapable of accepting a "no" for an answer, and became hostile. I had to call for the aid of Lehava, but then more duergar came after the first few. In the end they were all defeated, but that is definitely a matter to keep an eye on.

    With the day almost over, Micah took me to the inn for some quiet dinner. We talked, made some jokes, drank some wine…

    And then, just like that, we kissed. I don't know what got over me, but truth is, I really like him. I'm a little mess right now, but I don't even want to bother brainstorming myself about it. He took me upstairs in his arms like a loving bride and with another kiss he tucked me in so I could rest for the night. He's been such a gentleman to me.

    I need Lorie to meet him as soon as possible, so she can give her verdict. I'd like to know him a bit better, but if my twin sister gives her blessing, and if he is ready for it… I believe I will go ahead and give this.. whatever it is, a try. I know right now I'm feeling extremelly happy and exalted, and that feeling can't be wrong.


  • So, it looks like I'm letting the more wild side of myself take over. I'm not only twin to the prettiest were-kitty, I have not only made of the wilderness my place to call home, but now I am also part of the wolf-pack of Narfell.

    I am just a friend, but they have offered me home with them, to belong with them, and considering I count most of them as friends, I feel honoured. I'm really happy about it, I feel like mixing with them will make me a richer person.

    On other news, I recently met an elf, Ilmen'gwath. I thought he was just a traveller and we were having just small talk, when it suddenly turned quite deeper than I had anticipated. He said he was a businessman and offered people things they needed in trade. He spoke like he knew what people need.

    I asked him then to tell me what did he think I needed. For a moment, he stared at me, and almost made me pale. I felt naked before his scrutinying gaze. A moment after, he said there are two things I need direly. He could help with one, and he had a partner that could help with the other.

    I kept asking, and he said we'd need privacy, so when we walked off to find it, he explained that something haunts me, an irrational fear that controls me whenever I slept. I knew then that he wasn't bluffing, so I asked for his help. He said he could help, but I'd need the aid of my friends to face those nightmares, for I alone couldn't.

    Then he said that for my other problem… I needed someone else, a partner of his called Fate. He said he owed her a favour... almost sounded like sending me to her would be a way to repay it.

    He parted with the promise of finding me soon, and then he would tell me what needs to be done. He didn't mention what would be the price of his services, even though I asked several times. Something tells me it won't be just gold... but at this point, that doesn't trouble me much. I'll find a way to repay him, if he does fix me.

    I think I'll need Lorie for this. But also Fadia and Tindra. Possibly Thorn, and maybe Rasuil… I'm not sure who else I can trust enough to delve into the depths of my soul. I'll have to consider it very carefully.

    Meanwhile, I've met a new person, a warrior by the name of Micah. At first I didn't find him trustable. I believe he arrived to the land without clear purpose, and he heard me talk about how there is a lack of warriors who specialize on protecting others, and that was motivation enough for him to take that path. And I have to say, he has an innate skill for avoiding blows in melee combat. He says he will become a guardian, and he has helped me several times now cleansing the crypts of Norwick.

    By now, we've also shared a few drinks and tales, and I've found his company enjoyable. I believe I might end up spending quite some time with him.

    Now I need to find Fadia and Thorn to ask them to help me with what the elf offered. I hope they'll want to lend me a hand. Lorie, I know I don't even have to ask. I'll find her sooner or later.

    I believe I saw the purple elf just walking into the Phoenix Halls…


  • 2 x 1

    And here we are. The trip to Tindra's home was rather eventful, but nothing we couldn't handle. The usual hobgoblins and even a few bugbears tried to cut our trip short, but truth is, with our five bows, they rarely even reached melee range.

    Truth is, the trip went quick for me, as I was pretty absent minded during most of it, thinking of what Thorn had revealed to me just a few nights before we parted. I can barely think of anything else right now. I suppose I shouldn't be a fool and get my hopes up again. We'll see what happens… I need to give it a lot of thought. And I'm determined to not hurt myself this time.

    During the trip itself there was a funny moment when one of the bugbears began to chase Tindra around and she kept tumbling over, driving the bugbear mad until we finally put it down. The catty elf was red faced from the effort and adrenaline but the sight of it was almost comical.

    In the end we arrived to a forest clearing, which is where both Tindra and Lorie recognized as the old village. I enabled my True Seeing and could see some figures along the treelines around the clearing. They seemed human shaped, and small enough to not be bugbears.

    After a few seconds, a handsome elf came forth excitedly towards me… I was rather surprised, but when he was just a few yards from me he looked confused. Heh... once again Lorie and I had been mistaken. I told him my name, and he went to hug my kitty twin instead as she basically sulked in his embrace.

    It was then when he looked over Lorie's shoulder that he saw Tindra, and he wondered who was that elf that had so heavy resemblance to his daughter… and himself.

    It's then that everyone stood silently, and I felt their sights diverting towards me. Seriously, there is something about shiny plate armors. But I understood it was my turn to give some explanations.

    I gave Terralash the "short" story. I purpossedly skipped the deals with the fey and werecats, because he was looking overwhelmed enough just with the rest of the unlikely story. In the end, he took a long time to swallow it, and finally went to Tindra to give her a tight hug.

    Then he went to Lorie, that now was a puddle of nerves and I saw guilt growing inside her. I was almost pushing with my mind that he would also give her a tight hug and call her daughter. However, he gave her a stern look. It was stern, but it was also the look that a father gives to his child. He asked her if that's all she was. A fake life of lies. Lorie said trembling that she wasn't a lie. She was diferent, but real. Then Terralash hugged her tightly as well, accepting her to everyone's relief.

    After the tensions we were led to the elven village, which is built on the treetops, while below is a barbarian settlement. Looks like the circumstances forced them to live together, and I have to say, I found extremelly beautiful and inspiring that both races would share the same patch of the forest. Some peoples in Narfell could take a good lecture from it.

    This elf village is beautiful, really. It doesn't need to be compared to my home, because it's just a diferent kind of beauty. There's something great about living with nature, within nature. It smells of freedom, and harmony. I can't think of a better place to give some more throught to Thorn's vision, now that everyone else are having a lot of catching up to do, or craving for private time.


  • Ah, if I had known…

    Ever since I returned from Suzail, I've been enjoying my personal life greatly. Ever since I decided I'd get rid of the things that burden and undermine my morale, and focus on those that make me happy, my life has changed.

    And it doesn't even mean that I need to stop fighting the threats of the land. I believe I'm in the way to finding an harmonic balance that fills me and satisfies both my professional and my personal lives.

    One of those things I finally got done to achieve my goals is leaving the Order of the Divine Shield. This time I didn't present my resignation to Daisy as I did some time back, when she rejected it, and convinced me to stay. As much as I respect and admire her, this time I felt it was mine, and only mine decission to take.

    No longer I'll have inner debates or strifes about which of my orders I should priorize, no longer I'll feel like an outsider in my own house, and no longer I'll have to be afraid of faulting a brother of arms while speaking or doing what my heart tells me is right, or when choosing my own path and my own friends.

    I know they do what they consider right. I know they follow their gods' edicts to the letter. But they lost the spirit long ago. To think that some of them still held grudges on me because I questioned them when they made deals with devils, but now are ever so swift to cast judgement on others, or failing arguments, run them through their lance claiming it to be the judgement of the gods. It troubles me the bullying context of it, and how thin is the line that separates it from a Malarite's "the stronger prevails, the weak dies".

    That Order still carries the name I gave it when I created it, together with my dear sister Shane Andryl, rest in peace. It's a shame it no longer carries much more than that. And it's fortunate that I no longer feel like it's my responsibility to change it.

    Speaking of change… things are changing in the pass. It'd appear that the Children of Hoar are allowing themselves to be wrongly adviced. I had a talk with Ronan, and their territorial claims are way out of proportion. Even claiming the bridge area is out of their possibilities in my mind. Sure, the Eastlanders held that bridge in the pass, but just as well forcefully, under blood and death threats. That you forcefully ocupy a land doesn't make it eventually yours by right.

    The worst of all is, the hoarans are victims of it. The regular young boys that get given a sword and a shield and thrown into the pass, leaving behind their children and wives… they are effectively being held as hostages, so people with morales like us feel burden upon our shoulders on harming them.

    This manipulative game is not new to me, and it's one that wicked people without ethics use far too often, but we can not allow it to stop us, or to give in. It's a matter of locating the cancer and rooting it out. After a talk with Lorie, and considering the various encounters I've had with Vaxin and the things he's told me, we believe he may be the puppet master. He's likely spurring Jonathan to cause conflict, and the hoaran leader, consumed by his own hatred and thirst for vengeance, is attending to the mysterious mage's advice. Jonathan is likely not free of guilt, specially after I was told the story of how he's suspected to have caused Jonni's death in the past, to overtake him as leader of the Gypsy Camp, and at the same time used that death to blame the Legion and Norwick for it, as excuse to make the big changes in the camp, that transformed it into what it is now.

    We'll see how that goes, I suppose. For now, it's the politicians that are handling the matter. It's not that I trust politics that much, but at this time I don't know a better solution myself, so it's best to wait and see what comes out of it.

    On another topic, I've been meeting lately a fallen angel, Aska. And by fallen angel I mean she has been exiled from the Blessed Fields of Elysium, not that she's a champion of evil. I'm trying to show her the ups and downs of her new life, but she's totally alien to things like having to eat, drink, and care for other living beings, including plants and animals. There is some progress, I think, tough she still doesn't feel ready to tell me what caused her exile. I hope her soul isn't totally lost, and we can still make a good person out of her.

    I've also performed the Greater Scrying that Tindra asked me to. And I was delighted to find that her father is alive. Alive and well, and he's a quite young and handsome elf! I've already told her, and we'll prepare a trip together to meet with him, so they can reunite. Lorie, Fadia, and Thorn will be coming too. My kitty twin seems very nervous about it, but knowing how she loves attention, I gave her quite a thorough massage last night and got her to fall in relaxation, like a cute rag doll. I don't think I had ever heard her purr so loud. I think Thorn was jealous, by the way he was looking at her!

    Speaking of Thorn… he truly is a blessing. I don't know how could I choose to stay away from him. I find myself yearning for his company, as being around him awakes a strange feeling inside me... a feeling of being defenseless, but at the same time invulnerable. And it's a very nice feeling. I hope his friendship will be a lasting one, for I truly treasure it.

    Tomorrow we'll all depart to see Tindra's father. I'll pray for it to be a safe journey and reach our destination swiftly.


  • Quest for Joy

    I keep being told. Rith, try to care for yourself. Rith, try to be a bit selfish sometimes. Rith, you are only human, you'll break if you just give it all and take nothing.

    When one person I loved told me, I took it as their wish to see me find something better for myself, while not understanding that helping others is what gives me a purpose, what makes me happy.

    But lately… many people I love tell me. And even those that barely know me and can look at me from a more objective point of view. Perhaps it is time I quest for other than slaying demons, or recovering a Lathanderite relic. I think it's time I quest for Joy. My Joy.

    Looking at myself, I consider myself a happy and satisfied person. I like who I am and what I am. I like that I can make a difference, that I matter, and that those around me can feel safe and inspired. And I know it's not just vanity... Oh I know I'm vain sometimes in more material matters. I like being told I'm pretty, and I like caring for myself constantly like a kitten. But I mean it more mystically... this is different, it's a feeling of accomplishment, that I've managed to become someone loved and respected, and that I manage to bring Lathander's light to the hearts of people.

    Still, all of that is my life as a high priestess, as Dawnlady Phoenixfeather. There is my other life, the life of a clumsy girl who is a bit too emotional, and yearns for a personal life. A young woman, very mundane, with very simple needs, that every passing day has a harder time to find a glimpse of solace on her other life. This is me writing now, Rith, or Sunny, as my friends like to call me.

    In a sense... it's only fair that Dawnlady Phoenixfeather, who has quested to fill so many lives with joy... for once, and just for once, quests to for Sunny's joy.

    I've taken some steps already. I've become a bit more loose when I'm not on duty, I've opened myself to new people, and tried to not think so much about some things. I've decided that I'm going to get rid of all the problems that burden me emotionally.

    And I'll do that without making hasty decissions or out of whim, but without living in the assumption that I can't change it. I have dreams that I've been pushing back far too long just on duty's call, and honestly, I know my Lord Lathander wouldn't demand that of me. Not Him.

    Tonight, after a nice talk with my sisters and getting what I needed from Lorie to scry for her dad, I went to the Wolves Den to tie a loose end, the one thing that was gnawing on my entrails and making my life uneasy.

    I went to find Thorn and I asked him to forgive me, and to return to my life. To Sunny's life. It made me really happy to see how he didn't even doubt to accept. I'm glad he didn't hold grudging feelings because of how I treated him that night. Truth is, I've given him too many headaches and he just complies, never complains. He deserves a better Sunny, and I'm going to give it to him. He likes to have me around, and I like to have him around, so I don't see why we should keep away. What pain causes me certain things… I'll get over it. It's not even comparable to the pain of not being close to someone I love.

    We talked all night about a lot of things. Personal and professional, touched all the decks a little bit. We were plotting a bit about my quest for Joy, and I can feel he really wants the best for me. In the end I was exhausted and fell asleep with him on the couch. I just woke up a few minutes ago to find some breakfast on the table next to me, though he seems gone, so I'm guesing he has duties with the Norwick scouts.

    The irony of it is that when I tried to leave the Wolves Den I found the door is locked and I can't exit. Heh.. serves me right, for doing that to him in the past. He did warn me that was a possibility, so I can't complain either.

    This is a beautiful place anyway, so I'll just sit here and enjoy the touch of nature until someone opens the door for me. Meanwhile, I have a quest to fulfill and I need to keep plotting how I'm going to carry it over.


  • ::untitled entry::

    After we returned, I was talking with Lorie, and noticed we had forgotten to bring some gifts to the little kittens as we promised them. It had been a few exciting and fast paced days, so it had completely slipped off our minds.

    But we decided to fix it before disappointing the little twins. We took them to Suzail for a day to see the place, just Lorie, the little brats and me. Oh uncle Hammond was so deligthed to see them. I find really adorable how easy and open to people are Leena and Elaine.

    In the afternoon we took them for a walk through the promenade, could see their little eyes big so big and filled with happiness and awe. And in the end, we took them to a toy shop, so they could pick themselves their own gift. Miss bossy picked a set of toy purple dragon soldiers. Lorie and I laughed at the thought that she'd be happy commanding them. Miss hyperactive took a colourfull puzzle-figure of a dragon. That toy was actually meant for kids a bit older than her, but she's really smart, I bet she'll figure it out in no time.

    It was a fun day all in all, with a couple of embarrassing situations with the kids wanting to be kittens and play with the the diferent things they saw along the streets… thankfully, Suzail has a culture very used to diferent races and kinds, even sighting dragons gliding over the city is not rare, so two little kittens wanting to have some harmless fun didn't cause any special reaction other than some "awwwww" faces.

    Changing topic, I returned to the den a few days ago, and Thorn was there. I wanted to apologize if I hurt him when I left him "locked". I never thought of it that way, I just needed to take some distance and I thought Fadia was capable of opening the door for him if he needed out, but I was told that actually that might have upset him. In any case, he was really cold and distant. Didn't even step close to me as he turned around and left. We'll have it that way I suppose. It's all my doing anyway, so I can't really complain.

    On other matters, I've been trying to loose myself a bit. After last Fight Night I had quite a lot of fun with a few people like Lorie, Sabre, Corwin and even a man I hadn't known much of before, that says to be son of old Deacon! His name is Korlis and he seem a good fellow. Can never tell, because he's with the Black Sails, and so is Sabre. There are numerous rumours about that organization, but as always, I'll judge people by myself.

    Truth is I allowed myself to drink some alcoholic beverage and I went a little bit tipsy. Corwin took me to a bench near the fire where apparently I fell asleep. And apparently when I woke up he was holding me with a cloak to protect me from the rain… and my reaction was the usual. Seems I knocked him over, insulted him and ran away. I'm just glad I didn't hurt him, at least physically. He was hurt in other ways, that hopefully I managed to ammend in a talk we had at a latter time.

    I've spent some time with Rasuil too. He's a nice guy and I like him, and that's again against the advice of some others. Once he opens up you can notice he's a troubled man but has a heart that doesn't fit in his chest. His problems are severe, too, and I'll help him with anything I can. He has now set his eyes on Sabre, the sailor woman I mentioned earlier. She is a very peculiar woman, so I couldn't give him much advice, but I hope it works the best for him. He could use her love and company to get through his ordeals. Nobody deserves to be alone.

    Afterwards, Tindra came and wanted to speak with me after she went to a trip to the forests to trim a bit the numbers of the goblins and hobgoblins. I gave most of my blessings to her group to aid them in their campaign, which at first seemed a good idea… but later almost had grave consequences.

    Just when they returned and Tindra and I were talking, the gates were attacked by hundreds of goblins, together with bugbears, trolls, worgs… and even golems and a hell cow. Golems of the nastier type... and I had no blessings available to me, as I had given them all to the group of adventurers. Luckily Val showed up and her inspiring hymns and spells helped a lot.

    It was a frantic and tough defense, expensive one too. But eventually we won the day and there was only a few fallen, some red cloaks and the dwarf called Gnarl. I say "a few" because considering the circumstances it could have been much worse. I told Tindra that I'd be tending to the fallen and return to finish our talk, but when I returned she was nowhere to be seen.

    I suppose she had business to attend, so we can finish that talk some other time. I didn't see Fadia or Tamara either, so I guessed they went together somewhere. Speaking of Tamara, she is a young girl I've met recently that likes to call me "pretty magical lady". That makes me giggle because it's really cute, but I asked her to call me just Rith. Now she calls me "pretty Riff". It's too adorable to even complain, so I'll let her go with that.

    Just before the day ended, I had a nice and quiet talk with Korlis. He must've been the fourth person this tenday that tells me that I shouldn't take my duty so sternly and try to have more fun myself, loose myself a bit and enjoy life. Well… yeah I'm trying. I'll get there eventually. I just don't want to disappoint Lathander. I am what I am thanks to Him, and I need to make sure that His gifts are being used for the Greater Good, not for my own.

    I think I'll have a nice sleep tonight, because it's been a quite hectic day. There is nobody here in the den now. It feels pretty lonely. But as usual, Tawny is here, willing to offer her fur as a comfy pillow. Oh, Tawny, what would I do without you?


  • Uptown girls

    Here we are! We finally got around coming to Suzail, and now that I could use Word of Recall, the trip was really not an issue. In fact, we had to promise ourselves that we would forget that spell exists, to not be tempted to keep going back and forth.

    I'm planning to turn my two sisters into two lovely uptown girls, so they need to disconnect from everything else for a couple of tendays, forget all problems and ties and just enjoy ourselves.

    I showed them the Phoenixfeather State, I think they loved it. It was fun to see my sisters' awed faces at how big everything is. And that considering that the Phoenixfeather state is amongst the most humble ones… nothing compared to the Wyvernspur, for example.

    We had a delicious banquet for dinner, Olahand delighted us with some of the most exotic dishes in high cuisine, and I can tell my sisters loved it all, by the amount of food they ate.

    I'll admit I couldn't get to eat much, as uncle Hammond brought up "the topic" again. Truth is, he grows older and older, and he wants the best for me. He's worried that when he is gone nobody will care for me, and he jokes about it, but I know it makes him very sad that he won't see a child of mine. It tears me appart, and I can't see a way to solve it, to grant him that little wish.

    At least he'll see now that I'm not alone, and that I have met wonderful people that won't give me up easily. He'll be happy about that, I bet.

    Back to Suzail and my uptown girls, I took them through a lot of the city. I can tell that even though they don't understand the kind of life of a metropolis, they were at least amazed about how active and alive and big Suzail is in all aspects. Compared to Suzail, calling Peltarch a backwater town would be quite an overstatement.

    I know I am terribly biased, but there is no city as beautiful as Suzail in the world. So splendorous, so brilliant, the colour, the diversity, the royal guard of Purple Dragon Knights, the clear sound of their trumpets in the morning, the scent of greatness in the air…

    I got my sisters some nice clothes and a couple of miniature statues of a purple dragon as keepsake, had food at some nice inns, and even took them to the Laughing Lass, where they hold night parties for people to meet, dance and have fun.

    Down at the harbour, I took them through the fish market, where every early morning fisherman companies expose all their still live catches for people to choose personally and take home for cooking. I think I could see Lorie's eyes shine there like a kid's in a toy shop at the rich variety. While we were there, I showed them the Shaliber's ship, that by now has become an important landmark.

    Back to the Promenade, I showed them Vangerdahast's Tower, the Courts, and I managed to smuggle us into the Royal Gardens for a quick visit using my noble status. We weren't allowed to go into the king's personal grounds, but I bet my sisters were pleased enough at seeing how there can really be a forest inside a city. A very well cared, styled forest.

    All in all, it's being great. I think Lorie has been keeping uncle Hammond's company now and then, sharing tales and getting along very well. That makes me quite happy, because I know she will know where to be welcome if she ever finds herself in trouble. She made her home mine, so it's only fair that I return the favour if need for it arose.

    Last night I walked back into the courtyard and saw her sitting at uncle Hammond's lap, just like he likes to do with me when he wants to lecture me about something. I wasn't very surprised when I realized that he had mistaken her with me, and she just played along not wanting to to embarrass him.

    It appears that he had been telling his lil Sunshine that she should try to be happy, and be a bit selfish sometimes, that nobody can be joyful only giving. That she should never walk alone, and that she should rely on those that love her, and listen to them.

    And I've been thinking that I might just try and do that. If I can't grant him the wish of seeing a child of mine, at least I'll try to make sure that when he passes away, it's knowing that his little Sunshine will never walk alone, and will be happy.

    For now, we have a few days to enjoy here with him and my sisters. Lorie purrs softly in her sleep already, and I need to rest for another exciting day tomorrow.


  • ::A rather short entry, written in rather trembling scripture. The message is raw and direct, as if torn from the writer's gore and laid on the paper without previous processing::

    Letting Go

    Tonight I finally managed to get Thorn alone for a decent amount of time, and I finally gathered the courage to tell him what I had to. And I did what I had to… I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and... no, no it wasn't. It still isn't, I doubt it ever will. But... that's just adding another notch to my heart.

    My heart... I can't feel my heart beating. I feel my insides rotten, with a creeping cold that makes me shiver. Therean told me once that I am frozen inside. He'd never think how accurate he was… I don't think I've ever been so afraid in my life... afraid of myself. I just... have to do this. For Thorn, for me, for Fadia.

    I should have never let this grow. I already made my choice that day some time ago, when we got close to each other and Thorn told me that he wasn't Fadia's. That day I chose to still the flames in my heart and leave the road clear for my elf sister. I thought I could handle it, I thought I'd be strong enough, and my sister was suffering. She deserves to be happy, she needs to be happy. And she will as long as I can do anything about it.

    She thinks she is not important to me… she thinks I keep secrets from her, that I love only Lorie because of our bond. If you knew, Fadia, if you only knew…

    I'm running away again... but this time I'm not going to leave the land. There is much evil to eradicate here, and I promised Lorie to never leave her. Plus I'll need her as close as she can be, specially now. Thorn, Fadia… I love you beyond my being, and you both know I would die to see you smile one last time. Please, don't hate me. It'd tear me appart.


  • ((melts She's gorgeous))


  • Tawny and I

    I rest my head on my most loyal companion as I write this entry. Truth is, the latest events have all gone very favourably. Many good warriors went into the plane of Shadows and despite the difficulties and challenges posed, we managed to stop Nekrathul and his minions.

    Some allies fell, and once again there were a couple of moments at which I clung to life from a single thin thread of my stubborn willforce, and there was always a helping hand to pick me back from my sinking. I could do the same for Fadia, when I thought she was gone, unconscious and bleeding abundantly, one of my most powerful healing prayers could pick her up. I thank Lathander once again for granting me the abilities to do such.

    Even with the fallen weighting upon our morale, and our wounds weighting upon our bodies, we pressed on and defeated not only the Shadovar leader, but also the Dark Enchantress. I know better than believing that she is gone, however. I suspect she's trying to gain control over María, which was present when I drove my blade through the wicked sorceress. "That's for Lorie, bitch". Words that came out of my very core, I could not help it.

    I've already spoken to María on the topic to advice her on ways to protect herself from her influence and if worse comes to worst, protect those around her.

    The possitive side remains and is that we returned victorious, with our land once again saved from total disaster, possibly a threat that would have extended to all of Toril. And we did so with a magnificient dragon hoard, of which I had the honour and privilege to keep a Lathanderite blesed quiver filled with Arrows of Searing Light.

    Speaking of the dragon, Furlinastis. It fled after what I believe was a fierce battle again the Shadovar's elite forces. It was a formidable foe the couple of opportunities that we did chose to engage it briefly, I'm not sure we were prepared to defeat it, though most of us held back our resources, knowing that it'd just fly away when wounded.

    It's rather ironic, however, that one of the things we had been most wary of is that the Shadovar would likely wait for us to to get rid of the dragon, to strke at our hindered forces and steal the artifact. But it just happened the other way around, it was us that took advantage of the Shadovar's work and then snatched the artifact from their cold, dead fingers. I call that Poetic Justice.

    I personally returned all of the fallen, it's the least I could do. I feel honoured to be part of a land that will fight against all odds for their freedom, and the wellbeing of those who can't defend themselves. It touches my heart, gently but surely, to know that we will not be taken alive, and that our children will be born free. I mean [there is an attempt to scribble something in here that just dies. The entry continues several lines below]

    Last night we finally went with Lorelai and Tindra's splitting. All went well, and both are alright. Tindra is now a pretty elf, and even though she has lost her shifting abilities, she still has a very cat-like figure and attitude. I am really happy for her. I kept for a while with Lorie after the splitting, she fell asleep quickly, not even the twins were up for much battle seeing how tired was mommy. That, and husband had the cuddling rights in a moment like that. I thought they'd need their own space and a very long rest after what had just happened, but first I wanted to make sure they were alright.

    Fadia was going to stay with me, but after a talk she left after Thorn I suppose, so here I am, back at the Den. With my beloved, loyal companion, Tawny. I could not ask for better company in moments like this. I can feel she understands me, and I can feel when she disagrees with me. She looks at me attentively when I speak to her, and I can read her face emotions just as clear as I can read a child's. She never complains when I am noisy, and never denies a cuddle when I am sad. It's unfair that sometimes I only come to her when I have no one else to be with, so I have to change that.

    I need to find a way to know if she is truly happy, or wishes something more for her own life. I'll learn it somehow, and give it to her. It is now time for us, Tawny and I.


  • ::untitled entry::

    It has been now quite a few months since I returned to Norwick to aid in its protection and guard the temple, and things are at apparent calm. And I say apparent, because I know a lot of things are going on in the shadows.

    Fadia worries a lot about it. She has reasons to worry, but I try to make her understand that victory only can be achieved from conviction. I know her very well, she's an adorable little elf that often sulks and dramatizes the situations, but she's much stronger than she thinks she is, and I know she has faith.

    She's been needing to get her head off things for a while, and I think I may have managed to spur her and Thorn to finally spend some intimate time together. I can't say I had planned it, but that does not really matter. I am really happy for them both. Even when I feel that clean feeling of healthy envy seeing a close friend, or two in this case, achieve what they have been looking for. When it's deserved and it's right, one can only be joyful.

    Both of them have visited the Fugue recently against their will, and their ties will help them strengthen each other. With love and support they'll fly even higher.

    I've recently met a few new people in my guard shifts at the temple. Corwin I had met before, he's a nice boy. He has a passion for magic scrolls and often comes to pay me a visit. I enjoy his company, those guard shifts can be tedious, and he's made a few of them less so. I get the feeling that if I had been of his age, he could have been more than a friend, but that's probably a thought I shouldn't dwell on. I'll take and enjoy his friendship for as long as he offers it.

    Just a couple of days ago he came with Yana to the temple. I believe they both grew under Maya's tutoring, and they're much like brothers, even though they do not share blood. My old barbarian friend may have left the land, but her legacy is strong. Her daughter is noble, strong and trustworthy, and does me honor offering me her aid, even when she lives in the city up north. These are dire times, so I believe I'll take that aid, for as long as she feels she wants to offer it.

    Finally saw Lorie again, too. She had time to walk to the temple and pay me a visit. I really can't blame her, and I don't. Two kids growing fast, with the added difficulty of shifting into felines that just makes keeping them controlled even more difficult. A little kid you can just put in a craddle with a low fence, but a kitty? You can't contain that, and I bet she often feels like she could use a few additional sets of eyes and arms.

    I wish I could be the auntie for them, and bring them a gift now and then, and get some hugs. I'm missing much by being stuck here at the temple, but at least it is with the knowledge that I'm doing what needs to be done. Lorie knows too, and understands it. She still looks so pretty, even after the kids. She's one of those things you don't want to change with the passing of time, and she's doing a good job at it. She's got to keep being my lovely twin!

    And that leads me to write about the less fun side of it. It appears the only way to split her and Tindra would be risking that one of them reincarnates in a random intelligent creature. And the problem there is that a goblin or a… a drow, count as intelligent. I do not know of such reincarnation rituals, but there must be a way to limit the possible outcomes. Else.. I don't know, and that's my stubborn self writing instead of me again, but I don't want either of them to become a despicable creature.

    It appears they'll need my aid and they will have it, inconditionally. But I can't bear the idea of aiding a ritual so that one of them becomes a goblin. It is not fair, after all they have suffered, I'd rather part to Lathander and give them my own body to use. There must be a solution, a way to help it.

    I'll try to not think too much about it for now because I know myself and how I like to overthink problems, specially when they're about people I hold dear. Lorie stayed over to sleep tonight, as Jerrick is taking care of the kids. She's there as I write this, on the bed, looking all adorable as she sleeps. It's been such a long time since we got to be sisters together, but that's what becoming a mommy means. Total and utter dedication to the cute little brats. She's doing a great job, makes me real proud.

    I need to head out to welcome the dawn now, and I'll keep her in my prayers, so that Lathander may see that her splitting will give an optimal outcome. Then I think I'll spoil her with some homemade breakfast at the bed before she has to return home.

    Lathander shine our paths.


  • ::Untitled entry::

    Seems I've settled again in Narfell, and recently I've found a couple of worthy causes to aid. Like the couple of Peltarch defenders we saved from being sacrificed by demon-worshipping lizardmen in their feast day.

    I've seen again most of the people I missed, and they are all well. I got a few slaps over the head for leaving without saying a thing, but that was to be expected.

    I think the trip to Waterdeep changed some things, possibly in myself and the way I perceive things. Even though I hate how I hurt those that love me, I believe it was a necessary step. I no longer worry about certain things, and feel myself evaluating with a much better judgement certain other things that used to worry me overly.

    However, with me back, it would seem that all the undead I had been told about went back hiding in their dark holes.

    The Shadovar, where are they? I'm yet to see any of them, or their shades. I've been searching through the Rawlins, in places where I've been told they were searching for something and overwhelmed by shadows that no light can penetrate. I found nothing.

    Only noisy bugbears, hobgoblins and goblins, as usual. And speaking of goblins, haven't seen any trace of that goblin necromancer I've been told about, either. Not a single zombie or skelleton to be found. Not a slight trace of undead activity.

    Not even the couple of lichs that are supposed to be around, one of which had been appearing in public. And now has gone into hiding as well.

    Lidérc, Danag Styx, Quintin and his master "A". Lillia. Where are they all? Do they think they can hide forever?

    Sooner or later, they will show their faces, because even coward as they are, their arrogance will betray them. And I will be there.

    Meanwhile, there are always enough demons in Jiyyd to keep me fit and ready. Much better than target dummies. Those require wood and time to fabricate, they don't move naturally and they certainly don't fight back. It's a matter of looking on the bright side.


  • Recall

    After reaching Waterdeep, a mere few steps from the Spires of the Morning, I received a message, someone attempted to contact me through a Sending spell.

    To my surprise, it was Val. She… she asked me where's her Sunny, that I was being so missed. That she needed to talk with me, in person. That it was very important, so I decided to wait for her before being assigned some mission and having to leave the City of Splendors.

    She arrived in only a few days, as she has learned a new spell, Shadow Walk, which allows her to travel at great speeds. Once I saw her arrive, looking radiant and beautiful as she smiled, I went to meet her in a tight, fond hug.

    I knew that meeting could only end in one possible way, and it's the reason for I had left Narfell without saying a word. I am unable to say no to those I love. And even though Val was kind and understanding beyond words, here I am now, writing this entry again from my chamber at the Phoenixfeather state, in Suzail. My songstress friend can cast her new spell on me as well, so the trip back is being ten times faster.

    I couldn't have have denied my return, anyway… it appears that all the undead things of Narfell had patiently awaited for my leave to surface. My dear bard friend told me that there are Shadovars in Narfell wanting to force everyone into submission to their demands, that there is some necromancer scourging the forests, and even a lich has showed up and seems to be openly recruiting for an army of dead.

    I've said many times throughout this journal. I do not believe in coincidences. And I can't deny aid to my friends. Shadovar, necromancers, a lich... it all sounds like worthy campaigns for a Dawnbringer. I know that there were other reasons for I left but... being honest with myself, every step I took away from those I love hurt me.

    Val rests now in one of the guest dormrooms, and I can't sleep thinking that in a couple of days I'll get to see again those I love dearly. Though I am somewhat afraid of meeting Lorie… I hope she's been alright. What I did was unforgivable. I can't wait for the dawn so we can keep travelling back to Narfell...


  • Excerpts and notes from Rith's journey…

    […]and so I decided to continue the trip by foot instead of renting a ship passage to Teziir or Pros. Several reasons, but the most important is, I guess, that I'm in no hurry, and I prefer the reflexion that solitude will offer me as I travel. Besides, if I have to make this journey, I might as well do some sight seeing along the way[…]

    […]with Tilverton behind me, I went into the Stonelands, a rocky and abrupt place of legend. Legends that tell that they were created many centuries ago, when the Netherese realms of Asram and Anauria attacked a magical realm that existed above the clouds in this region to escape the encroachment of the ever-expanding desert of Anauroch. The castles built above the clouds crashed down to the earth from the sky, and the Stonelands are the result of it.

    I would have liked to see those flying castles, and even cities of past legends. Though I somehow don't feel the same about many other things related to Netheril itself[…]

    […]but I avoided travelling through the Well of Dragons, as Hammond told me that Arsekaslyx still lives and often is on the lookout for something diferent to terrorize than the usual orcs and goblins that live in the area[…]

    […]so I decided to continue my journey through the Skull Gorge. Not only because it is a kind of peculiar sight, but also because this place has always been a nest for evil outsiders, ever since the times of the Battle of Bones, when orc and hobgoblin chieftains made of this Gorge their stronghold to hold the assault of the human forces that tried to eradicate them once and for all. Although the humans won and wiped most of the greenskins from the Gorge, numerous gates to both Abyss and Hell were left open in the cavernous systems behind its walls. In the end, when I thought I was going to go through uneventfully, a hezrou decided to humour me. I didn't even attempt to turn it, it had been whole tendays since I fought anything worthy. I charged, head on, cold iron blade in hand as the demon roared at me[…]

    […]and across Trielta Hills, bordering the Forest of Wyrms I finally managed to reach Soubar. Quite welcoming, the naturality and peace in which the gnomes and hins of the hills live, almost as if the rest of the world didn't have anything to do with them[…]

    […]the journey has been easier as I could follow the main trade routes. Covered the long distance to Daggerford in only two days. I was picked by a travelling family of merchants in their cart as they were off to their hometown, the hamlet of Elmbrook. I enjoy the generosity and the love that people show only because I wear an armor and holy symbols of Lathander, but it's also the reason for I avoided travelling through main routes this far. I prefered to have quiet time of solitude for thought after leaving all my friends[…]

    […]Incredible. Who would guess that I'd find people from Narfell in here… Benji and Talyna, nonetheless! It appears this is their destination of choice for their honeymoon. They both seemed happy to see me and I sure was happy to see them too. Benji kept asking what I was doing there, I told him I was in a mission for Lathander's church as Narfell's probelms seemed over. I think he believed me, even though I wasn't believing myself.

    Talyna was cheerful and friendly as ever, and she took me on a tour around the hamlet. I have to say, the place is adorable. Farmsteads and a small forest nearby are the main sustenance sources. One highlight of the village is the Willendt estate, which the hin explained it was the residence of Kara Willendt's family, until she donated it to the current magistrate in exchange of making a portion of the house into a library and historical museum. Then she showed me the smithy where her dad, Ferrus, still works. It's quite a sight to see the hin ordering around his human apprentices. Though he seems old, he keeps in very good shape, no doubt work at the forge does that for him. He comes across very polite, and likes his shop kept orderly which makes him seem very serious, and by the quality of the arms and armors displayed, I can tell he's also very talented.

    I was invited over for dinner with them, and Ferrus was quite more jovial and open. He told some of his adventures of old, and hearing him I can see where did Talyna inherited her adventurous background and friendly personality from. I enjoyed the dinner quite a lot, we had a few good laughs, and even though I was the odd one out at the dinner table, they made me feel like just one more of them, almost as if my height was[…]

    […]half happy, half nostalgic, I parted with them to try and reach Waterdeep before dusk. Looking back from the road, Elmbrook reminded me a lot of Jiyyd. Again makes me feel guilty for leaving that unfinished business.

    Again makes me feel guilty for leaving my dear Lorie without saying a thing. I am horrible. And Val, when she probably needed me, with that "shadowman" stalking her. Thorn, who was doing so much to help me with my problem… I'd give anything to just be able to hug you one more time.

    But I must keep walking. It's for the Greater Good. Lathander give me strength to overcome these ordeals[…]


  • Home, Sweet Home…?

    And I am back to Suzail. The trip was long and tedious, as usual, but I do prefer this over hiring teleporting services. I did have to fight some goblins, bugbears, gnolls and even a bandit ambush, but I keep hearing stories of people being teleported to unwelcoming planes. Or about others who do get teleported to the place they were hoping. Only a hundred feet above ground.

    I have to admit, I get a feeling of nostalgy as I tread across the city. The characteristic sea breeze at the docks, with that mixed scent of salty waters and the fried sausages at the vending posts. The Shaliber's is still there, like an untouched landmark, ignorant of the world around.

    It was great to walk up the splendorous Promenade, rich and busy as ever, with artists and jugglers, bards and minstrels entertaining the vichyssoise of diferent characters and personalities that mix in beautiful dissonance, and perfect harmony.

    I couldn't avoid entering the Laughing Lass and having a drink, feeling yet another sting of nostalgy as I observe greenhorn sailors, hireswords and adventurers looking for their first fresh coin to make.

    As I paced towards my family's residence, I could see once more the King's Castle, no doubt the most majestic architectonic work on the face of Toril, guarded and patrolled by the loyal Purple Dragon Knights, ever honourful and dutiful.

    The Phoenixfeather state is still standing in a very good shape. I handed over the family's business and its administration to the old majordomo, Hammond, around forty years ago, when uncle Shawn finally passed away. In exchange I only asked him to keep my family's state fresh and running, and he did a great job so far. Though now it's Hammond's offspring, Lenny, who cares about most things as his old man is slowly withering, in a cycle of life that forgives nobody. Or almost.

    They were all happy to see me back, including the service of which I don't know much at the moment. I believe they have let themselves be fooled by the high tales that Hammond tells about me. That old madman, I love him like my own father, but he does give me too much credit.

    We had an exquisite banquet for dinner. They wouldn't allow me to help with the cooking because they know I am nobleblood, but I suspect it was also in part because they were afraid I'd mess up with the recipes. As revenge, I had them sitting with me at the table, as equals, to share the delights they had prepared.

    The commodity of my chamber is such a luxury as well. One of the maids insisted on combing and dressing my hair and kept praising how beautiful it is. I really dislike flattery, and moreso being treated like I am incapable of doing things by myself, but the maid is doing what she was taught. If I intended to stay longer, I'd correct her, but tonight I'll just relax and try to enjoy. I sit on this soft, huge bed as I finish this journal entry and I know I'll sleep nice and long like a good kitty.

    Kitty… I hope you and your little kittens are also having a wonderful sleep tonight. I'll pray for it to both Lathander and Selûne. And also for all the others. I hope you are not missing me as much as I do miss you.

    Tomorrow I'll depart to Waterdeep to meet the leader of the church of Lathander, High Radiance Ghentilara, in the Spires of the Morning. It's another long trip, I hope it's as relatively uneventful as the last.


  • On the Road, Again

    The day has come that I needed to make a decission. This was possibly the hardest in my life, but I believe it's also the correct one.

    The great evils that threatened the land have been vanquished, and Narfell now exists in relative peace, save the odd goblin attack that is thwarted faster than it started.

    I am not a person to just lay back and let the days pass. Firstly, because I have duties that I'm not fullfilling by just sitting and discussing the weather. While others are content with playing politics, that is no life for me. I was baptismed by Lathander in a battlefield, and I will die in one, fighting and bleeding alongside any warrior, be it noble or peasant, bold enough to stand up against evil.

    Secondly, because there are things that grow inside me when I settle down somewhere, needs which I can not satisfy, and I end up just hurting myself, and those around me.

    I feel horrible for not telling my friends, but I know they wouldn't have understood, that they would have wanted me to stay no matter what. Truth is, I am Lathander's, and I'll always be. My heart, it stings, but so does that of the thousands of innocents all over Toril that are having their families killed and their villages burned. I can not willingly just lay back and enjoy times of peace as long as there is someone in the world needing a Dawnbringer.

    I hit the road again hoping that I left a good memory on those that mattered. Part of me wants that something big enough would happen again in Narfell to excuse my returning. Another part of me tells me that it's better this way, that I will no longer get in the way of things, and I will save myself some suffering.

    I leave mostly with no regrets, as I fullfilled most of the goals I had set myself for. Lorie, who will forever remain my sister regardless of time and distance, was restored, and had children. I was hinted a couple of times to stay away from the process to separate her from Tindra, so my leave will make that certain.

    Fadia will no longer have to worry about the time I spend with Thorn. She will not need to ask me again not to get close with him, or ask him for help with my problems. I hope in the end they work out together, and are happy.

    Lune, I trained and taught most of what I know. Now she is very capable by herself, and she does not need me. She is sensible and wise, and definitely an asset for the future of the land. I hope she'll find that blessed unicorn that she dreams of. She truly deserves it.

    Benji, I performed his wedding as I promised. I think it was a beautiful, successfull event. I am sure he will be happy next to Talyna for the rest of his days.

    The rest of my friends, I will miss them, each one of them. I have countless memories, but they are all joyous ones. I hope Val will forgive me for not continuing the project we had. Thinking of it, I'll try to find a way to send her the gold to finish it on her own, if she'll go ahead with it and needs it.

    I only regret I didn't get to help in restoring Jiyyd. Lathander knows I tried, but the situation has been stale for far too long, and I did not perceive a single, smallest sign of change or progress. I suppose that annihilating hundreds of demons wasn't enough to even draw their attention, or put a dent in them. End of the day, that's a few hundred demons less to care about. Those demons aren't an immediate threat, and the land is in capable hands.

    Who knows. The Wheel spins endlessly. I might just end up in Narfell once again, in the future.

    So long, my friends.


  • A Blessing and a Curse

    I have to say, lately all seems good news for everyone. Friends finding love, getting pregnant, getting married, having children… such is the Joy of life, and their Joy is my Joy. I can't but thank the gods for their generosity with those around me.

    Our circle of friends has grown a bit, after we met Alenah, or Windy, as we have renamed her. She's fun and a tease, and she has innate talent as an archer. She'll fit perfectly with the rest of us, and she's already doing so.

    I had not remembered such times of peace and stillness in this land. It seems like a blessing.

    Which makes me think about myself and my own peace and stillness, my own blessing. I recently could finally speak with Thorn's friend, Therean, who is an elven priest of Aerdrie Faenya, the Queen of the Avariel, a kind of elven sister-god to Akadi.

    That I knew. What I did not know so well is that this goddess also has domain on Fertility. He had been researching a way to help me with my "curse", my inability to have children. When praying for me, he always received the same vision.

    @f681ff7239:

    A seed grows into a bud
    The bud blossoms into a flower
    The flower creates seeds, then withers and dies

    After we met, Therean examined my abdomen, touched me gently, as if feeling inside me, past my flesh, and what he found was such a revelation that still now I'm trying to fully realize.

    I am… "frozen", he said. After what happened to me with the drow, after ten years praying to a Dawn I couldn't see, my devotion to Lathander granted me His gift. I was fully restored, and I was stilled in time, I stopped to age, both in body and spirit.

    That much I knew, but now it appeared that my inability to have children is not a drow curse, but a consequence of this blessing. Everything in me is stilled, and same as I can not wither and die, I can not create new seeds. It makes sense... Lathander did restore me fully, including the damage the drow did to my womb. Why would I be restored only partially? Why would a drow curse of a goddess that holds no power in the surface remain?

    It was when I was telling this to Therean that he looked at me with shock in his eyes, and asked: "Are you immortal?"

    That question, so simple, so straight… yet so terrible. I know I wasn't aging ever since the moment Lathander chose me as His champion. I always understood it as making me an embodiment of the youthful energy that He asks us to spread through the world. And I still think so. But remaining always youthful and being immortal are two diferent things. It was then, at the priest's question, that I began to think back...

    The Lost City, around seventy years ago, the Order of the Shining Phoenix in all its splendor got caught in an ambush. We were outnumbered and outmatched... I remember a Remnant Knight driving his sword through my chest and twisting it. I fell mortally wounded, I felt my spirit drifting away... and then I opened my eyes again, I looked at my chest. The hole in my armor was there, but my flesh was whole. I remember a genuine look of shock in the Remnant Knight's hollow eyes as I finished its existence with Searing Light.

    Anauroch, Mines of Tethtamar, around thirty years ago. Hunting after a lich that had been causing havoc amongst the nomad tribes, creating an undead army out of them, when I finally found it he caught me off-guard with powerful stunning spell, and touched my forehead to draw my spirit from me. My eyes closed, my heart stilled... and then began to beat again, the stunning effect passed as I grabbed back at the lich's neck and destroyed it channeling possitive energies.

    Jiyyd, near the Temple of Helm, seven years ago. An entity called "Dad" had captured Thorn. After scrying his location, a group of us went to rescue him. This "Dad" resulted to be a powerful balor. I was still partially blinded as a side effect of the scrying when we engaged it in combat. All I could see were blurs, how at some point it went after Ronan, and began to tear through his protections. The sorcerer was outmatched and about to receive a mortal blow, when I managed to draw the balor's attention with a taunt and Searing Light. The creature bolted next to me and drove its gigantic sword through my adomen, impalling me as I fell helplessly. Once again, I felt my spirit drifting away, and then, gently picked up as after a moment of shock I rose again to see the balor fall. My armor, torn and wasted, a seven-inch hole both in the front and the back of it. My flesh, intact.

    Rawlinswoods, near the South Gates, two years ago. An army of powerful undead attacked the gates. At the end of the attack, a Dracolich descended upon us. I stood in front of it in an attempt of delaying its assault and give others time to retreat. The creature picked me up, snapped my spine and discarded me like a broken toy. The same feeling returned… and again, after a few moments of shock, I opened my eyes, the Dracolich was gone, as people were saying it was possibly an illusion. I can tell that what I felt wasn't illusory, however.

    I've lived many other near-death situations, countless in fact. Those I mention are ones where I really felt it all turning dark. And the real fact is, I have not died ever since the day Lathander gently touched me, despite everything. This puts a tremendous shock in me, and leaves me speechless.

    My first reaction is... why me? I am a mere priestess, a flawed human. I am far from virtuous or exemplar. I have sought my own wishes and selfish goals, like finding love, or having a child, sometimes forgetting I have greater duties. I have said and done improper things for someone of my station countless times.

    I know that I want to believe that I live only to bring good to the land, to spread Joy with my youthful spirit, and to spread Love with the warmth of my heart. And also to bring retribution to those that threaten that Joy and Love. And I know I want to keep doing so.

    I am at a loss of words, I feel overwhelmed. All I can think about right now is that the day that Lathander feels I have fullfilled my role, I am sure that He will send me a signal, and I will willingly and gladly accept His commandments, as I have ever done. Perhaps it will be the day that I finally fall, and then I'll let myself in His embrace, to keep serving Him in afterlife.

    But the realization that I'm not cursed... that I can not have a child as consequence of the gift I received, is shocking. Much like the realization that there's a possibility that I have been kept from dying with supernatural means.

    One thing I do know for sure. I will not change. I must keep being myself, and seek to bring Lathander's Light wherever it's needed, in my unending pursue for the Greater Good.