3. She who loves the people: Feathers tale

She who loves the people: Feathers tale


  • For some time Feather has watched Jerrick record in his journal finally she comes to the conculusion it might be a good way as well for her to work through things on her mind

    My mother told me my name in her womb, though I never knew her, my father called me feather; he of course meant it mockingly as all things concerning he and I are seen by him. My escape, and the suprising lack of pursuit, has left me wondering if this is not somehow my fathers plan. It was rare he did not have one, and rarer not to find my brother on my heals anytime I fled before.

    Today I will use to consider instead the people I now call family

    Jerrick
    My heart is all aflutter every time I think of him, my body tingles when he appears. Never have I felt another was my master, nor have I ever sought for one to be; but this is . . . different. It begain the first time I spoke with him. I gave answers to him with an honesty I had denied to myself for years, this man stirs in me feelings I never believed I could hold. I know many have held him, and many have holds over him such that perhaps he'll never truely committ to me but I find I can not stop myself from doing so myself. I love him, I hold him within my heart to accept him for all he is and is not.

    The heart wants what the heart wants.. and I fear I maybe damned for it, but I'll happily go as long as his song sings in my heart.

    Tindra
    I've never had a sister, to be honest, I do not think my expierance with siblings left me even with the desire for one. Tindra has changed all of that, she took me in without hesitation. She has held me when I cried, soothed my fears, and saved my life already more times then I would have thought possible. She is more dear to my heart then the dreams I held for my brothers (though obviously those were not to be realised), and yet I have hurt her like no one ever before.

    We love the same man; I knew soon after Jerrick and I had shared for the first time. The pain in her eyes was greater then I could ever imagine another having and it was becuase of me! I see how she acts now, she is torn usunder inside and struggles to balance her love of me and of Jerrick. I try, and will always try, to keep her close to us.. I do not want to even think of her leaving us, I just pray to the half-elven (When did I start doing that?), that we all find a way to make this work.

    Rasuil
    I'm not sure what to think of Rasuil sometimes. I first saw him standing over the bluffs above Jerrick and I as we spoke for the first time. Though I did not show it (I hope I did not at least, .. I think I did not?), he frieghtned me; though soon I realised it was not I whom should fear him but those who meant ill to his woods which is in fact where his gaze laid nearly the whole time. Something (someone?) has hurt him, he won't say what exactly (Yet?). I must admit though, for a human, I find him quite handsome; and I feel almost as safe with him as I do Jerrick or Tindra.

    Thorn
    There is really little to say here, finally I have found someone I can happily call brother (Unlike the three fate has given me). He is more skilled, I think, then the others give him credit for; perhaps it is his strange predisposition for his kama's.. not a weapon one often associates with the woods (I haven't looked at them closely but I thought there were naked women carved into the side of them, so strange for him). Thorn found me first, it was almost like he was waiting at the caravan for me when I arrived but that would imply he knew I was coming (interesting, does father actually have agents here?).

    Brendel
    Badger, the wild one. Brendel is the one in the pack whom I think trust me least (excluding perhaps Yngdir, whom keeps anything he feels like a tightly wound ball of string, that he keeps in a chest, hidden in a deep house in the woods.. that he burned down so no one would find it). Brendel seemed at first to take to me most of all of the Wolfs, but now seems the one to least trust me. I was alusive with him, and he most of all has his suspicions aroused by this.

    Danika
    Dani, she aroused in me a protective nature I did not know I had. Perhaps it is because she is mute, most likely though she needs my protection as little as any of this group. Still she has my heart, whether she wants it or not, and I do not think I can stop seeing her this way.

    Yngdir
    There is not much to say about this quiet one. He posed the most seriously thought out challenge to my joining the pack, yet seemed to embrace me as readily as any of the others once it was decided. I thought I handled his questions well, and I think he respected that but who can be certain with him (perhaps if I can find that burnt out cabin in the woods!).

    The Pack
    They seem to accept me, I spoke my vows, some of us shed tears together; we all shared the tea. I now live for them, I will now die for them should need be; but I do wonder yet if I am family so much to them in heart as simply as just word.. time will tell I hope.

    Kara
    Not here, but always here. I hear the whispers about her, the stories, perhaps some are even simply lies. Apparently some see her as savior and others as a devil. All I can say for certain is some nights I think she lies in bed with us, it makes me tremble for my love's well being when he mutters in his sleep (I can never quite make out the name, but I know it is not mine).

    Kaetlyn
    Jerricks most recent lover and guilt (will I be his next?). Like Kara, she was lost to him; like Kara, she is in our home as well. Her marks are clear on the idol besides those of Milikki; I suppose I'll just have to accept that like every other woman before, she's still with him too (though it is possible she could be back, how would I handle that I wonder?).


  • She felt her face impact with the head board of her bed and her blood splay out from her ruptured nose and upper lip. His hand tightened in her hair as he repeated the motion again and again, tiny droplets of blood sprouting from the roots of her badly abused golden tresses; brotherly love.

    Aden bounced Jynai’s head many times back and forth with as much force as he could muster, he’d make this uppity bitch of a half-sister pay for his embarrassment dearly before the night was over. When her brief screams turned to moans, then more guttural sounds he paused and pulled her badly mauled face up to his and drank in the strong fragrance of her pain and blood deeply into his lungs. It was all he dreamed, except in his dream she had a bit more fight in her. He dropped her motionless, almost flaccid, body to the floor and hopped off the bed intent on finishing the primary focus of his mission before indulging in more pleasures.

    Jynai bounced once on the bed then rolled off limply to the floor where through mostly blurred vision she fished one hand quietly under the bed while her eyes followed her brothers moments around the mostly blurred room looking for her maps, her documents, anything to return the full advantage to their father. Jerrick had once taught her to keep a knife handy even in the bed, she had teased him that he just liked the rough play a bit too much, but had taken the advice to her heart. Her groping hands found the serrated dagger and she felt the edge cut her badly; she forced back the pain and the cry that would have accompanied it and found the hilt slowly dragging it out.

    Aden was beside himself, how could this feather, this whores child have made so many plans? He found himself immersed in the trickery his half sister had planned. Unfortunately he paid attention to the wrong plans, for not only were the ones he was viewing fraudulent, he would have been much better served to watch more closely that she was in fact unconscious. Something warned him though, and the jagged blade instead of entering his spine came down on his thigh from behind as he tried to roll away. His trained reflexes came up quickly and batted her back. She spun once more punishing her tender face as it impacted with full force, blissfully she blacked out.

    “My queen… My queen! You must wake!” Kaiah’s word’s reached her as if through a fog. She blinked and slowly through badly swollen eyes looked out at those of her court who had arrived at this hour.
    “Did he take them?” She asked her mouth struggling to form the words. It had been her plan for her brother’s agents to get the false documents, but not for him to come himself or to catch her alone in such a manner.

    “He did Jynai” Burgens familiar voice and familiar tone came to her from her right. Only then did she realize her eye was swollen so badly she could not see on that side. Brugen continued “Unfortunately he did not come alone, his assassins struck deeply on the court this night. All that have survived this night you see here” but she did not see, at least not well until several days.

    She had fed her father much false information hopefully enough to buy them sometime though his magic’s might reveal some of the untruths returned to him that night. Her people were weakened now, and the attacks of the dark ones came with increasing frequency despite any losses they might have suffered. Her only hope was to end this somehow, someway in a direct manner; but after tonight’s encounter with her brother, which she had barely survived, she didn’t have much hope she could do this alone anymore.


  • _She had to be pulled from the battle. Badly wounded several times it was Yamil, her counciler,who reminded her and all but forced her to go seek aid. Her fathers troops had almost over run them with her brothers at the fore of that assualt. The had of course underestimated Jynai, she was the "Feather", the one easily brushed aside in there minds.

    She had listened and learned carefully from her friends back in Narfell, she had returned with the things she had lacked when she departed. She had always been a leader, her mothers gift and a hundred mothers tracing back in her line, but now she was a commander; she knew what to do with men, she understood each death, each loss must be well spent for these were her people now and if she was to risk there lifes to stop her father she would have to be ready to forfeit her own for them. She was, and would happily if that time should come.

    The priestess hurried to her side as she slipped out of the darkness another warrior limping beside her propped up as best she could with her shoulder_

    My Queen! She shouted almost in horror seeing the grievous wound she bore in her left side, still it was less so then the man she held and she pushed him forward first

    The truely wounded first Kaiah, his life is measured in moments now Carefully she laid the wounded warrior at Kaiah's feet and moved clear for her to work

    The priestess quickly went to work calling on what gifts the Triune would grant her at this moment and supplemented the rest with skillfull and well trained hands. The man slipped from conciousness hanging by a thread only just attached by the skilled womans efforts

    Jynai watched in marvel for as long as she dared, then hurried for her tent to seek news from the scouts on the battle. Her father in his arrogance had sent her brothers with most of his army straight to the heart of what had once been her mothers lands. Troff once told her "a leader of armies feather!" she had laughed at him them, but had paid good attention to all those battles while she was in Narfell

    Her mind drifted back there again, to the man she had loved like no other before, and to her sister who ached from loneliness. Would Loralai be wise enough to act? It worried her greatly as she worked her way through the crowds of healers and wounded men seeking out the scouts headquaters.

    Surely, she would know I would approve.. . . would want it?..wouldn't she? Jynai was suprised that such things when so many lifes here were at stake would occupy her thoughts, but she had loved him and her more then she thought able; it would have to be resolved. She could not bear the thought of them being alone, especially if they thought they were protecting her memory.. surely they knew her better then that …

    Some things.. are best not left to chance, that is one thing you taught me father I haven't forgotten.

    She hurried to her tree and dispatched a runner , best to have the healer meet her here, to many things to do now. A moments further consideration and she sent for Cassius as well, she had been worring about him. He looked to her with unrestrained adoration, it would get him killed here in Cormanthyr. He lacked the skills yet by twenty years he would need to survive unfound against her brothers trackers. But.. but he could carry a message safely north, it would not matter if any from there tracked him back, only that her message was placed in the hands of her sister.

    Dear lorilia . . . She began to compose, the words flowed easily from her heart. She did not tell her of the peril she faced now; this was her war, and her duty to her people. She would not let anyword written indicate the great danger and possible death she faced, she knew they would come without a moments hesitation if she did and that she could not bear

    She had just finnished, quite content with what she had written when Kaiah and Cassius entered she looked up to them and forced a smile despite the fact that her wound was becoming almost unbearable. Kaiah saw through it immediatly and went to work her face creased with anger and anoyance at Jyani

    You are foolish… My queen She added after just a moments hesitation You should have allowed me to work these wounds while my blessings still lasted, now all I have is skill to apply.

    Smiling impishly at her before wincing at the sudden snug pull of the applied bandages she said We both know, I'll survive this wound to die another day Kaiah, he would not have She turned then to Cassius handing him the now sealed letter Take this my most loyal one She spoke as she gazed into his eyes with her penetrating icey blue gaze There is a woman I want you to find. She is far north of here in the lands of Narfell, usually to be found in the town of Norwick there.

    Cassius quickly bowed his head low in consent Your will is my desire my Queen! She felt a twinge of regret at such loyalty given to her, did she really deserve this? after all, for mearly such a trick of birth she sat here instead of another. Jynai quickly forced such thoughts down and away from her. She was what she was, and if she really did love her people she would have no room for doubts; she continued.

    The womans name is on the envelope, though she may answer to another nearly every one in that town will know her to be Tindra, seek her by that nominer. If all else fails . . . just look for the most beautiful woman you've ever seen and give it to her. Cassius gasped and started to protest My queen there are none more beau.. She stopped him with a raised hand Cassius, your loyalty and devotion are appreciated, but you will know what I mean when you see her.

    Her eyes drifted past her to the enterance of her tree where two bloodly and battered men enetered. Though exhausted, both men were smiling as they walked to her arm in arm; behind them she heard cheering from outside amongst the woods and she breathed a small sigh of relief

    Both men bowed as they aproached and Burgun, the chief of her scouts, stepped forward speaking to her with his usual familiarity; she wished more of the people would do so, she missed being Feather far to often now. Jynai, I suppose you can sumise from the echo's outside… victory is ours.

    Jynai did feel a great deal of relief at those words but knew better Please, Burgun, a complete report if you would.

    He bowed his head once more and proceeded As you anticipated your fathers troops believed us to be easy prey and approached with little caution. The ambush was complete, at least half his forces lay dead or wounded beneath the canopy this night. Your scouts have trailed and harrassed the remaining as they withdrew back to your fathers stronghold, I cant not believe they will mount another attack soon.

    She looked slowly around the room. Everyone seemed to take great pleasure at the news except Jynai; she knew better then to. Burgun, he has mearly withdrawn. I have no doubt that my father has resources unknown to us yet, but not for long I fear. Did I tell you, that during my time with my dearest father I learned to speak undercommon .. at his insistance of course. Burgun's face darkened considerably at that Do I need to explain why that might be my faithful scout?

    Burgun shook his head slowly as the smile peeled away from those around her that took the meaning from her words. My father will have to be stopped, but we lack the resources for such a venture. Jynai tapped her chin considering as she looked around the room. They were tired, they had won this day, and paid a price quite lower then she had thought they would. Her father, nor her brothers would not make that mistake again. What she needed was allies but her peoples relations with the humans nearby in the bell-in-the-deep were not so good.

    There was also the fact that if she were to hope to defeat her father she would, not only need allies, she would need to cut off his best advice militarly to give her own forces the advantage. Her brother Aden must die then, the ranger was a master of tatics; she knew she had only bested him because of his arrogance this time but he wouldn't underestimate her again. Aden would have to die as she knew she was not his equal as a strategist. Perhaps even Jedia, her oldest brother, would have to be done away with as well.

    How her life her life had changed, so care free back in the Rawlinswoods it seemed by comparison. How close she was to desperation as well, something she would have to keep well hidden from her people. She had no doubt, if she called for Jerrick he would come, all the Wolves she believed would come but this was not their battle nor their woods. There was one though, she motioned Burgon to leave as she considered. There was one man who she knew cared for her, that she cared for as well but would not have spoken it ever; though she believed in her heart he had known, but also known she would never have acted and hurt Jerrick. He had suffered a loss even she, happily so she thought, had not yet had to endure. This then would be a task he would be well suited to, he was certainly reckless enough.

    A smile crept back to her face again deciding even if he wasn't the best man for this, she wanted to see him. She turned her gaze back to Cassius again; his eyes wide in anticipation as he is queen turned her loving gaze on him.

    Cassius, when you are in Norwick there is another I want you to find for me. Tell him what is happening here now, tell him. . . tell him I need him … please Cassius eyes arched somewhat displeased that his queen wanted some other man then himself, he had heard from her madains her stories of this Jerrick man and expected that is exactly who she would request. His disapproval turned to confusion when she spoke his name and waved him off to leave imediatly, her strange words echoed in his head for many leagues as he worked his way north.

    Cassius, bring me back the badger . . .


  • "I should find him, at least leave him a note" She said to herself knowing all along she wouldn't, probably not need to even; he would feel her for awhile and slowly she would fade from his heart but not his memory she hoped. She did want him to be happy, to love again, despite what the others would say of her and he. She knew she would never love another man; and that the part of him the bond they shared had showed her would always remain first and foremost in her heart.

    Would he understand? She was almost certain he would, after all nothing came before responsibilty for him; something she had accepted and admired in him from the start. Someday he might hear, she had no choice but return home now; her father was harming the people she had first learned to love, her mothers people. She knew he'd have gone to, but she also knew he'd always look north longingly toward the rawlins; finally she gave in and wrote a note telling him briefly, swearing her love forever to him even once she fell in what was almost certainly a futile battle to come. Then she kissed him once more in his sleep.. he stirred a moment but did not rise, then she was off and down the ladder off to her future and her fate.


  • This page is stained with tears and the writing is shakey at best

    It's been many weeks now, more then a month at least since I heard from Jerrick. I Have heard word the healing with Danika went well and I am happy for it, unfortunately I was not able to be there. I waited though for Jerrick to return, at first I felt the stress he suffered from this task then the relief as it was completed soon replaced by joy at what I can only assume was the hearing of Dani's voice for the first time.

    Shortly after I felt nothing.. not like a death .. or what I would expect from one but nothing. I have assumed he has gone to Avalon for some reason or was drawn there I am unsure of course, I'm almost certain though he is not on Toril as even when he tries to block me I feel at least the "purple" sensation.

    I've tried to be strong, I wait every day almost all of the day and night at the tree house, but nothing. He warned me.. and I promised I'd wait and so I will. Once a week I go to the silver valley and buy his pastires, I make the sweet breads everyweek then take some to the den in hope of word from him. I will wait, I will be as strong as I have to be, I promised him I would.

    The ink becomes even more blotched here as the book was closed before the last of it could dry


  • A contented night out at the lake spent with Jerrick, Feather returns home and eagerly takes up the quill again

    Many days since I've written here, many many things have happened. Some very sad with the silver lining that is hard to accept; others simplely what they are.

    Telli
    I'd only met Telli on a few occasions, and initially though I was not impressed by this dirty simple woman I have come to realise she embodys the elements of a healer, a mother, and a hero as none other has thus far in these lands for me.

    She invited me to accompany her on a trip with a few others. A journey to a portal leading onward from there supposedly to the earth plane. I never did get to see it, in some ways I hope I never do, but I suppose now it is a Journey that I must complete considering the end to this one.

    Telli was amazing, she fought, she healed, she cajouled us along step by step while never dismissing a single voice amongst us. We had been hurrying throught the warrens of the bugbears (The gate is somewhere at the bottom I was told), they sniped us from around corners and sent there sneaks into our midst. I was able to see the sneaks coming in.. but there were so many I frequently didn't even have time to call out a warning to the party before they attacking our perimeters.

    We advanced past a huge crystal, it hummed and glowed with a green energy that made my heart pound faster as we passed it (more on that later). Then down through a series of doors and winding passages, I suppose at this point we were getting closer to the gate as earthen memphits and, what I was told was, earth elementals begin to assualt us.
    All through out Telli persevered, and my other companions as well; we all drew strength from her example..it was foolish but I think we all felt a little imortal then ignorant of the twist of fate ahead.

    The elemental pounded Telli, she went to her knees and I fired my bow at it futilely; the shaft bounce harmlessley off it's rocken hide. I suppose now, for then I was nothing but frozen, I drew the creatures attention because it turned on me and advanced. I couldn't move, couldn't think, mearly watched as death pounded the ground toward me; Telli did and paid with life as I watched it spill from her through the massive wounds to her head and abdomen, to the floor, and to spread out in a dark shadow beneath her.

    Grog, A halfer by birth but whole of heart (more on him later), leaped a moment to late on the creature before it returned it's attention to me; saved twice in the span of three rapid breaths. Them the horror struck us and silence swallowed us rending all of us mute. Supprisingly I was the first to recover, the truth be told I thought I could save her somehow now; somehow alleviate the guilt already forming in my heart that she died instead of me. I must give credit to the legionaires, they reacted to my orders with percision and speed; if not we likely would have all passed in those warrens.

    We rushed, we ran trying not to be haphazard, but that was a lost cause; our eyes already stinging with tears for the most of us. I strangely did not cry then, I would cry myself unitil my lungs ached soon though. Up, up we went; Grog and Troff leading us smashing the bugbears as if possessed by the furies themself. Another time I might have felt pity on these creatures; but, in that moment, I was disappointed with each one that died not suffering like I was then.

    We escaped with only minor wounds then, I'm not sure but I believe the creatures bow'ed back from the rage of the Legionaries as the drove themselves like a bloody wedge through them back to the surface. I have rarely seen such ferocity.. even from my brother, it was shocking but I only wished at the time to push them harder and faster into those that had taken something so precious to us.

    We returned to town, and the temple of Telli's god Chauntea. Many tears passed, more pleads and offered bargins unanswered. It was not a matter in our hands or for us to decide. Telli had been judged by her god and found not wanting, but wanted at Chauntea's side for eternity. It hurt.. I held her head in my lap wiping my own tears from her face again and again when suddenely my whole body started to tingle. I looked up in to what I can only call grace as the goddess's words sweapt through the room and through myself like a spring wind carrying the smells of roses newly bloomed.

    Her voice was like a rain shower refreshing and clean somehow, and her message though unwanted gave us all a calm we could not have anticipated. "My servant is with me, and she is happy. Remember her and live your lifes by her example". Then she was gone, the goddess, the scents, Telli….

    The priestess carried her upstairs and I went with her to help clean her and put her in the death shroud. I was beside myself with grief, I asked the priestess if I was wrong to feel sorry for myself at a time like this. She told me it was natural, that our's was the loss not Telli. I think they made a bit of sense to me and I'll try to honor my friend and be happy for her; but for now my heart aches.

    Grog
    The half orc warrior. Massive and frieghtening in appearance, in truth nearly a giant but his heart beats with the soul of a priest. He took the fore without hesitation again and again despite his wounds, each time without complaint. I think Telli would be proud of him after she fell, he stepped into the fore with Troff and gave no complaint or hesitation to all of our safty; isn't that what a hero does? In the temple it was Grog who was first amongst us who could speak, I was to numb; he was eloquent in a way I would not have suspected (must I live my whole life with my preconceptions of other species? Milliki help me please fight down my pride). He left her a rose, the first of many that would be placed as befitted a follower of the earth mother.

    Troff
    Troff and I have been fueding for weeks now (goddess but I'm a stubron bitch at times). He didn't let that affect him, when the moment came he lead with Grog putting his bodie between us and the onslaught that came; he accepted my orders as if from his general, Sehani bless him. After everything at the temple I found him, cried in his arms and asked him to forgive me. No more was said on it and need not be, I will not let small bitter things keep me from those I love; the risk of losing one anytime is to great for such petty selfishness. After we spoke and he stated he though I should join the legion that I he could "see me lead armies". Such foolishness but he is a sweet man to say so; unfortunately he told Jerrick this also..

    Jerrick
    I wasn't there for the explosion, it came shortly after an attack on the town by something they called Chaos spirits. Troff, I guess since he spoke to Jerrick, was serious about his thoughts on my leadership abilites because he brought it up with him at the fires; I was not there to see it happen, but many people found me after with one version or another about it.

    I felt him soon after, anger, almost rage pouring into my heart from him. After the Choas spirits died they exploded causing disruptions in the fey lines (Not actaully sure what they are called but that will suffice here for me), causing casters of all ilk to hurt and ache in the area which they passsed; through Jerrick I felt them as well but they seemed to affect me worse (perhaps since I'm not used to thier touch even?). What I felt from Jerrick after his talk at the fire was ten fold worse.

    Suprisingly I didn't have trouble finding him, our bond seems to grow stronger every day, I find my self wondering where it might end; Jerrick thinks that he can block me in the bond when he has to since he shared one of sorts with a dead thing once, I think he underestimates the power of my love for him and the strengths we share joined. I found him sitting alone on the island south of norwick on the lake. No words spoken I came to him and joined, we did not need them; but we both had much pain, anger, frustration, and our fears to release and share. Afterwards he held me quietly and we talked soft and low, I promised him I would do nothing to hurt him with intent and I think he believed me.

    A noise from downstairs alerts her causing the slightest of twitch at the tips of her ears. Smiling she puts down the quill and blows on the ink until it's dry, then goes down to make them both something to eat.


  • Coming home with Jerrick, an unusal night for them both, Feather fixes them both dinner then while he is studying downstairs in the library she sits down to record her recent thoughts

    It's been a while since I've sat down and recorded my thoughts. I really shouldn't wait this long but we've been so busy as of late. I've met new people, done new things, grown. Anyway enough of the literary prattling.

    Albryanna
    She did come for tea, after a second invitation. I didn't treat her so well I'm afraid. First I got her in a dress pretending to be friendly so she did it (I had heard she didn't wear them), and then I gave her the third degree over Devlin and Jerrick. She is devestated by what happened I think, it was clear she blames herself (though I'm pretty sure I don't anymore), and that she still cares for Jerrick. I'm not sure how I feel about the latter, I guess it's another of those things (so many things involving women where he's concerned) I have to learn to live with.

    Puts the quill down and rubs her temples a few moments trying to ease the throbing ache there before she continues

    Arandor
    Simply an amazing warrior, and a good friend as well it seems. I went hunting in the spider woods with him and Jerrick. The power in his strokes was stunning; it was as if nothing there even presented him a challenge. He showed me and Jerrick an area of the woods through a cave that we had not seen before. It was a suprisingly peaceful area, yielding an actual suprise to us as well; a back way to Eggbutts cave. Something we intend to keep in mind for certain. I'm going to continue to train with Arandor whatever chance I get now; don't think I've ever learned so much about combat in a single time frame ever before.

    Rasuil
    I've continued training as well with Rasuil, from this one I've learned more of tatics fitting someone like me. He is patient, and skilled; I've come to realise though that my past is his prey as well and he displays these talents in pursuit of it also; guess I'll have to tell him more about it someday soon, but for now he seems willing to wait.

    Thorn, Kabuto, El
    Went hunting fish with the three of them, actually went fairly well. Thorn kept us safe (though his interventions were limited which suprised me, mostly that we didn't need him more). I think I've found friends here in these two Kabuto and El, or at least I hope I have. We fought well as a team and I actually led us into battle setting the pace and tatics we used. I think Thorn was proud.. I know I was.. took down our little groups first fish sneak and did that feel ever good. I'm going to seek out these two again and try some other things with them soon I hope.

    Celad
    Hunting with Celad and Rasuil, went very well with Rasuil playing forest gaurdian with us. I don't think Celad is a ranger which is a shame because he displays suprising skill in the woods and worked well with Rasuil and me. I also find I enjoy his company, this was our second trip out within one day; the first one was almost a disaster for he and I, but we both escaped despite our companions worst effort. I pretty sure he's not so fond of Jerrick, but then again he can get in line for that; not all my friends have to care for him as I do. Maybe though he just doesn't know Jerrick well enough yet; we shall see.

    Yngdir
    My little burnt out cabin in the woods has finally spoken to me. This time it wasn't just to ridicule or lecture me on something. We spoke on the tower in hushed tones at the south gate for some time. It seems there are many reason Yngdir is the way he is, loss being the greatest of them. It's strange I don't even want to record here what he told me, I'll just hold that trust in my heart for him and be there if he wishes to speak again. Of course the conversation ended abruptly, Yngdir saying it was to personal finally (of course when I ask a honest question of him it's to personal!), and instead of pressing I choose to respect that for now; I hope he realised it.

    On a lesser note he's taken to training that woman Alestra, I spoke to him of it; he of course took it as if I was attacking her, him or both. Fine let him indugle whatever it is she offers men to lure them in one after the other. I'd like to be able to say I won't be there to pick up the pieces but he is my brother now; I'll of course do what ever I can for him, providing of course he lets me.

    Tindra
    I haven't seen my sister in days now, it worrys me. She seems to be happy from what I've seen and been told but still I can not help worrying about her. I pray to Milikki she'll find me soon and soothe my worrys, but she is a wild thing at times and will see to this in her own time; I must be patient.

    Jerrick
    I feel him, I feel his frustration as he struggles with a translation downstairs. I feel him when others upset him, when I excite him. I feel the animal that is within him wether he has taken that form or not. I feel his excitement as we move against each other in the dark. I feel his rage, his love, his anger, his fears, his hopes, I feel him. What I don't understand still is why I keep seeing purple when I do feel him?

    We still haven't progressed completly, I need to speak with him about this soon. I don't know if he understands the risk; hells I'm not sure I understand but if I'm doing this to him and he doesn't understand why it's happening I'm damned, and if he we don't stop it soon he may well be so also.

    Puts the quill down again and stands streaching as long as her little body will go before she calls down to Jerrick urging him up to join her and with her


  • I can't believe I'm writing this.. but I am so frustrated. Went hunting with Rasuil in the deep south, really felt I was learning something for once. Then we heard a cry to the south and west of us. Turned out it was Caelian and Yngdir. Apparently a goblin of some sort had gotten what they called a "lucky shot on Caelian" and he went down. Yngdir saved him but it was the end of my training. The two of them tore through the rest of the woods in less time then it took me even to set up.

    I know I shouldn't have been upset but I felt like I was doing some good. We're all protectors and they were just doing what they felt right. I left without a good bye basicly throwing a quiet fit. Rasuil didn't allow that he followed me and we talked a bit, I think he understood (such a good man I wonder why no woman has tried to claim him yet)?; then Caelian came up and started spouting how they had come to find us in the woods. What did he think we were doing there? .. how am I ever going to become better if he just charges in like a bull in a porcilan shop and smashes everything?

    I guess maybe I'm over reacting, no doubt he just felt he was "saving me" or something; still I haven't felt this upset since the last time my brothers brutilized me….


  • Coming home, finally again, to thier home Feather digs her diary from her back pack and lays it upon the desk once more and places the quill upon the parchment letting her thought flow free again

    He came and found me, Jerrick that is (as if there was anyone else), I was hunting in the woods south of our home and I heard the heavy breaths of his panting as he approached. I wasn't sure what to think at first or how to react. His words seemed at times to be almost as if he was negotiating a deal, "I'll love you but with condtions", though that is not really what he said; more how he did in fact.

    I wanted to say no, I wanted to just leave before he can really hurt me; but it's far to late for that and I went with him back home and made love. Somehow that does seem to make it better for us, it's more then just physical pleasure when he touches me. It's as if he see's into me and comforts those parts I've never spoken to him of; I guess I am powerless against him, father would have been amused and disgusted.

    Albryanna
    I finally met (the infamous) Albryanna, I was disappointed. I thought she'd be rather plain to be honest, sadly she's quite the beautiful woman for a human I think. It's not like she's as radiant as Tindra (I admit though I maybe biased where my sister is concerned), but she has a grace and beauty to her I didn't expect. I've invited her to tea, I'm not sure she'll come but I'm hoping so. I really would like to not have to avoid the half of Norwick Jerrick may or may not have slept with.

    Arandor and Rasuil
    I've begun training with both of them now, but seperately. It's interesting how different thier styles are but how similiar these two men are. Both protectors, or did they both use the words stalker?. Strong commitments to the pack both highly skilled hunters. I'm hoping I can learn a lot from both of them. Rasuil already has me using smarter tactics, that he taught me, with the goblins. It turns out that Arandor is a good leather worker, if I can ever scrape together the gold for my wolf cloak and then save a bit more I might have him make me a good set of padded armor.. it would be nice to have somthing lighter then me to wear.

    Tindra
    Only got to spend a brief moment with her today. She seems happier and more relaxed. I pray to the luminous cloud it is so, hells I'll even pray to her Selunite if it brings Tindra happiness (though I'm still very unclear on what she is the goddess of, but Tindra venerates her and I will to then). Alls that really matters is that she's happy, and that she is with us still. I'll have to have her over more often, I know it's diffucult for her though watching Aelthas and Lyca's children as much as she does.. maybe I should go help her and take turns with them.

    Aelthas
    Speaking of Aelthas, word came south with a man I believe is a gaurd in the smelly city of the north. He implied that Captain Aelthas had been placed under some sort of arrest, but was being kept in the Selunite temple (There she is again, I really have to learn more about her; she's important to far to many that I care about) instead of prision. I took the boat north at night then creep from it's portage over to the temple. His odor was quite in evidence (Almost like the wet fur Jerrick shakes out in the entery way after a heavy rain) and I slipped in and placed a basket with the same cookies he had with us the other night and a blanket and note for him. I'm not sure if he'll get them but it's the best I think I can do for now.

    Jerrick
    My thoughts return to him again, something strange happened between us today. I'm not sure what happened, I was sitting outside Albryanna's office and suddenly it felt like he was there with me. It was very confusing I felt lost in time almost. I felt his concern, or I think it was concern, about … me. WhenI finished talking to Albryanna I went south and found him sitting at the fire braiding Tindras hair giggles as she writes that and mutters to herself in elven "is a good thing he is secure in his masculinity.. heh.. is a good thing I"m so secure in his masculinity". At the fire I tried to feel him again.. tried to let him feel me.. but it didn't happen again.

    I'm so confused . . .

    Quietly puts the quill down and instead of going to sleep she goes and practices with her swrod and exercises for several hours before cleaning up and going to be where she waits for Jerricks arrival


  • An unfamiliar setting for the little elven woman, she spends several nights away from her home of most of the last year in the grapevine, once more quill is applied to paper

    I continue to struggle in growth; I know I must be stronger, quieter, more ruthless if I am to be of use to my pack but it goes so slow. I went with a small group to hunt ettins. I didn't really learn much except how easily we would have all died if Jerrick hadn't shown up. I was so excited when at first he appeared I asked how he had found us. He simply answered a lucky guess. It felt as if he had stabed me through the heart. I don't think he saw as I turned away quickly but I must admit I was sorely disappointed. I not sure what it is I expect from him anymore, I'm more afraid he doesn't know what he wants to give to me.

    After the hunt we all camped a day outside the enterance to the underdark. It was not really a plesant stay. I pestered him about other women (even though it was quite evident he had no intention discussing it with me, why do I care now?) Then I tried speaking to Rasuil and he rebuffed me as well. I had thought I had a close relationship with the wolves but that day made me wonder. Findally we were joined by Caelian, he wanted to speak with Jerrick about something that had happened to him.

    Jerrick nearly exploded..he didn't yell but he vented then and there on all of us. He finished his triade by adding family to his list of those who pull him in so many directions. I guess I was wrong to take that personally, he's never implied that to me one way or anther; in fact he's so much as said it's not what he wants. I left them behind, I could hear him yelling across the pass but couldn't make out what he said. It didn't matter, he obviously needed time away from us, from me.

    Rasuil
    Rasuil caught up to me in the pass, I don't think he saw me but his ability to find my scent did not fail him. I made him pay for that of course, stupid girl. I haven't ever spoke to anyone like that before (is that what a having a brother is really about?.. if I had spoke to Calanon or even Adan that way I would have paid for it over many moons in bruises), I cursed at him, screamed, I nearly struck him at one point. He was angry to but was the quicker to control those feelings and bring us to terms.

    We went here, to the Grapevine, and talked; over mint tea of course. I really have no right to judge him, his burdens seem so much greater then my own. I do not know if I could make the decision he may have to make soon; but I do admire him all the more for it now.

    Me
    I took a room in the inn for a few nights. I've spent the last few evenings talking pleseantly with Yumiko (who is a very nice young woman I've found), and my nights staring quietly at the walls of my room. I wanted to give Jerrick some space, it seems quite apparent that everything is crashing down on him; he doesn't need me to be another one of them.

    I prayed to Hanali tonight, haven't done that since long before I left Cormanthyr. Then I prayed for a brave and strong man to save me from my family. I escaped from them on my own (I think I have at least), and I thought she might have led me here to find Jerrick at one time. Now I just pray for her to help me understand love; why does hurt so much.

    Mother I miss you, if only we could have been together longer I wouldn't have all this emptiness inside.

    Feather puts the quill down and quietly crawls into bed under the sheets, another night without respite passes alone


  • Quill in hand Fethear sits again at her desk.. Jerrick is not in her bed .. again

    Well, I guess now I'm talking to this damn thing. I can not decide if this is helpfull or harmful but I'm unable to start. It has been several weeks since I've written here and many things I've neglected or simply ignored rather then deal with them.

    Brendel and Jaelle
    I do not know what is wrong with Brendel but it does not compare with Jaelle. I think she is mad, she claimed that her dead mate had possessed her and she nearly killed Brendel. I don't believe he did for one minute.. she's simply unhinged and Brendel may not be much better. He accepted this readily. I said nothing at the time, he is my brother and I love and accept him; though I do worry.. he implied someone in the wolfs wanted him to leave us. I'll ask Jerrick about this if we ever get time together alone again.

    Brendel left. He just boarded a ship without a word to most the pack. I can't even begin to say how much this hurt me. We've only known each other a little over a year, and I know I am not so important to him as he is to me; but it hurt me more then I would have thought possible. I honestly believed he could have been the brother I had always wished mine would have been but no.. he's gone.

    Tindra
    Tindra but not Tindra. I don't think it matters though. She told me at last something I had come to suspect a little since our last talk. I love her and hold her in my heart no matter what. We cried through the night in each others arms and shared our dearest secret with each. I won't hide anything from her ever now, and I will support her whatever that brings.

    She said she was worried she'd hurt me over her jealousy, I think our love is stronger then that. I'm not afraid with her, I'm afraid for her when we are apart; which is probley very silly as she can take care of herself ten times better then I ever could.

    Jerrick
    I'm worried for us, the passion is there but I fear he is looking for the end. Our conversations are never of the future, he worries for to many besides his self. Even for me he feels he has to make some special consideration; he does not see I would give anything to ease his burden, just to see him relax and feel joy.

    I'm afraid maybe he doesn't expect it with me. He told me I was a mother at heart the other night. It was a statement only, even though he smiled, I'm afraid he couldn't connect himself to it; or me to him. I tried desperately to feel his heart, I don't know what I was doing or how it happened but all I felt was coldness and fear. He either fears harm will befall me because of him or that I will hurt him.

    So many think he has torn through women, but the sad truth is that they have done so to him.. I will not be one of them. Everytime he has revealed what lays inside of him they have left. If he wishes me to leave I will; I will not stop loving him though, it is not something I can choose to do.

    She drops her head down to the diary her arms sprayed about the table as she stains the last words with her tears


  • Going to bed for once after Jerrick (when they are both actaully home) Feather puts her rapidly wearing quill into the ink well before applying it to paper

    Another party, of sorts that is. It started quite well enough Jerrick drawling in people with burnt green boughs that made every stalker hurry over to the tree house when they saw it. There was more this time then ever before and I was reminded of how I'd withdraw from the fires after I first arrived to flee the rush of voices. No choice for that tonight though; a few moments stolen though first with Yana, more on that later, and then with Tindra which was one of the few things to boster my sanity.

    Brendel and Rasuil
    The gathering actually started with these two, anlong with Caelian, quite happily though as always the uncomfortable awkwardness persisted between them. For most of the early evening they were cordial to each other though they managed mostly not to speak to each other really. Eventually enough people showed up and the party moved downstairs, it was actually an enjoyable gathering at that point and Jerrick went upstairs with the two men to talk (I stayed downstairs and did my best to play good the proper hostess, mostly unsucessfully.. so much noise.)

    A large number of people came and went and the gathering went on likely for some days again. A woman (I had not met her before), by the name of Alestra arrived with another elven by the name of Celad (I think?). He was rather polite and quite honestly very accomadating even helping to serve people for awhile; she on the other hand was quite the opposite. She spent a good deal of her time either whispering to me, implying she needed to go upstairs and join badger, or whispering (though not far enough that I could block it out stops here and rubs her temples wearily) with Caelian and Eli (whom is Caelians wife or fiance, didn't get to talk with her so much in all the confusion).

    Something she said came as a shock to me though, when I told her the discussion upstairs was a family matter she stated quite flatly that she and Brendel where lovers, and that he was her family now. This came as a bit of shock to me seeing how he had never even mentioned her to me before. I'm sure the suprise showed on my face and I made an excuse to move away.. but I moved closer to the ladder.. I did not trust this woman at all now.

    No more then a few moments later Jerricks voice boomed angerily down the hole to us. In fear for what might be happening I rused up the stairs to see to him crosses the last word out and writes instead: them. I had never seen Jerrick so angry before (except when that mage threatened to kill me possibly), he was standing before Brendel and Rasuil his fist balled tightly and trembling. I confess for a moment, I must have shaken to but out of fear not anger. I called softly to him to come speak to me and he stopped coming over (has anyone ever held me in such estem? I may never know why but I will thank Milikki every day I have with him), forcing his anger beside as he leaned down to me.

    I told him I loved him, and asked if everything was alright.. he did but not and whispered "Do not fear my love". I feel guilty even now saying he did not stir me, as he does everytime, when he spoke those words to me and for a moment I forgot why I had called him to me. He went back then once more upset and was starting to feel his temper again with them (did I feel that? so confusing.. how could I have?), his voice quickly going up in tone once more. I moved up quietly and touched him, I thought I felt him.. felt his anger but more his despair with his two brothers, and I think he felt me to in that moment; for suddenly he calmed down a bit and seemed more in control as if taking that piece of me unto him. I don't understand things such as bonding and such, my parent's didn't share one and that was the last thing my father would ever have talked to me about (his more involved beatings, beratings, and how I had failed him him once more in some way or another); but I swear in that moment I had not felt closer to anyone since my mother sang to me in her womb.

    I went back downstairs after that to let them finish; I don't know what was said then and I won't ask Jerrick. If any of them think I should know or want me to know they will tell me, I will just love all of them without judgement for that is the best thing I know to do. First Brendel left with the Alestra woman (to go talk it turned out), then Rasuil whom I saw out while Jerrick went back up again to conference with the woman Jaelle (once more, more later on her.. so many things happened!). Before I could see Rasuil even back to the forest floor though we heard Badger yelling at the Alestra woman. It is not my place to repeat it but he seemed anything but her lover in that moment, and his words emphasied that.

    The party went on and on. . .

    Yana and Maya
    I met the young elven woman Yana, and her mother Maya (which confuses me, Maya is a large human barbarian and I thought Yana was a pure bred elven; obvously I was more worn then I thought.) Yana seemed nice enough though a bit reserved apparently she is a guard in that northern human city (how she can bear the smell non-stop like that is beyond me.) I think she might be the woman another "little" friend had spoken to me about (almost certain in fact), though it not being by buisness I said nothing to her.. but she suspected something.. I'm terible at lies and secrets. Oh.. I also saw Benji for a good deal of the evening I think he wants to talk to me about something but it was to chaotic from begining to end.

    Maya by contrast was huge, loud, and mostly undressed. She arrived a little after Yana had departed and brought dwarfen ale with her (she actually seemed a little offended when I offered her tea on her arrival). Shortly after she arrived Jaelle departed (later I found out Brendel was waiting for her below), and a partially ineberated Maya got the ideal that undressing Jerrick was the order of the evening. This provided for me two things; first the most frieghtened moment I've had since arriving in Narfel, and second the only moment of relief I had that evening. As the large woman tried to remove his shirt I hit the boiling point, so to say, and grabed her hands forcefully letting her no in no uncertain terms that Jerrick was mine and mine alone to unwrap (I really had no ideal I had it in me.. I could barely control the fear in me.) She seemed to take it fairly well though and sat down to what she thought would be a show; she was disappointed I'm happy to say for I took him upstairs and had my way with him in front of the fire while the others had to entertain themselfs below (of course Ronan came up and interrupted, such a pretty man with such a convincing facade of aloof detachment; I doubt everyone realises.)

    There is more.. of Brendel and Jaelle that night.. I'll put it to pen in the morning. Now I hear Jerrick stiring and there is something I need from him before he goes back to sleep again.

    Quietly the little elven woman puts down the quill and undresses climbing under the sheets with Jerrick, but there finds little resembling sleep


  • A long night alone without her love at her side finds Feather putting quill and ink to paper rather then sharing his warmth.

    I haven't written here for a few days now, not a lot has happened by I have met a few new people and this is a good time to jot down about them before I forget.

    Benji
    A cute little hin (though only by birth, in his heart he as gnome as any under hill dweller with twice his nose), he is shockingingly intelligent (not to imply hins can't be, or gnomes for that matter as well!). We spoke at some lengths about love, passion and the other usual things. I'm sad to say he seems to be lacking both former and latter to this point in his life. He does have aspirations unto these, but he has been hurt before and seems to be unwilling to embrace the hope they will find him. It is disheartening a bit, he is a very kind man.

    He does seem to think that Jerrick and I are but a fad, or perhaps that I am only the flavor Jerrick currently prefers, or that he has many other such said flavors all at once without my knowing it. I didn't truely know for certain what to make of this, he seemed to think Jerrick had possibly wronged Kaetlyn by being with me (I can't totally agree as half the time I fault myself for just that being caused by me) and I don't think he approves much of me at this point.

    Pauses considering to put more on this down but holds her thoughts to herself for now…

    Arandor
    I was sitting on the ridge with a few others, mostly just being goofy when he spoke for the first time. It wasn't his voice that scared me so bad, it was that his voice was the first time I'd heard anything of him. He claimed he was a Wolf (Thorn was able to verify this), but I had heard nothing of him ever; though he did possess a fang. My first thought was that this hulking human (though there is a trace of something there elven I have to admit) had taken the fang from one of the pack and I admit I was more then just a little nervous. It wasn't so much that I didn't know of him.. but I honestly heard not a sound as he approached.. so far all the Wolves I at least hear creepy about occasionally, him not a sound before he spoke.

    Streachs out sitting at the desk and puts the quill away.. time for sleep however restless and lonely it might be


  • Quietly sneaking out of bed feather kisses Jerrick on the cheek before sliping out of bed and putting on her robe to sit at the small desk in thier bedroom; Once again Feather eagerly takes quill and ink to paper

    Something to write about, we had a tea party!

    It started simple with Rasuil coming over and joining Jerrick and I (he even made the tea while Jerrick and I.. cleaned upstairs for a bit.. Rasuil was a suprisingly good sport about it.) Soon the simple gathering had in fact become quite the party. Aelthas showed up, then Thorn, then Caelin, Tindra, and Ronan. I had not known either Ronan or Aelthas really before, but both of them treated me quite nicely though I did bribe Aelthas with hinnish honey cookies. Eventually Brendel came by, and even Yngdir though I couldn't get him to sit by me let alone over by any of us.

    I learned a number of things at our little party.

    Aelthas
    He is a quite a strange man, and with the most interesting secrets. Apparently he and his wife Lycka share a bond very similar to the ones elvens can share. I found his explanation interesting as I have never had the feelings of one that even a child in the womb would know of it's parents, for whatever reason (I think it was smarter on mothers part, but maybe father knew she would die after me and didn't for selfish reasons) my parents did not bond; Aelthas link was interesting to for this reason I just hope I did not press him to hard.

    He's different to, and not just because he's human; or is it because he's not quite human. I don't know for sure on this one, I know he worships Selune (One of the few human gods I know something about, I'm pretty sure they worship werethingys and being insane; if thats the case he's well along on the second course but quite plesant just the same) and I assume this explains quite a bit of the erratic behavior I've seen from time to time from him.

    Cailen
    I didn't get to know him to well before and now was no expception..I'm just worried for him. He seems like a good man from what I can tell, but he is very angry at a man whom he thinks may have harmed his wife. I fear he may try to kill him, Jerrick spoke with him and seemed to calm him down; but after coming back in the tree afterwards he left alone with Thorn after some very hushed comspiratorial talk. If Thorn is in fact an agent of my fathers we'll know soon since I doubt he would pass up such an oppurtunity to seed dissention.

    Rasuil and Brendel
    Rasuil was quiet most the night, unless Jerrick was speaking to him. He made the first tea as I said, and drank pleseantly smiling back to me when I looked over to him. But as soon as Brendel walked in the door he got up and left, why? I do not really understand what is between these two, it reminds me in ways of two ex-lovers who can no longer be in the same room. That can't be right though, I've heard of men who are with men but I can't imagine Brendel would lay with someone as hairy as Rasuil. I'll just have to keep watching, Rasuil promised me before he left he would come again and I intend to hold him to it so at least I got that.

    I learned some distrubing news as well this night, apparently Kaetlyn is back and Jerrick has already seen her. He has a gift from her a cup that pours out at least wine on command maybe more. I'm trying not to be jealous and let her occupy my thoughts, but it's just not that easy. I fear I may have scarred poor Tindras arms with my finger nails when he told me he had seen her, he was so non-chalant about it I thought I would die. Tindra is so much a better friend then someone like me deserves.

    The rest of the evening was plesant and quiet really, just mostly small talk. I think I handled myself well all said, though quite honestly I don't remember clearly when the last guest left? I do recall waking up with Jerrick curled around me.. I can't believe any man can make me feel so safe, so insecure, and so hungry for him in one day; Milikki! what have you gotten me into? (There I go invoking the half-elven again, what would my family say to that? Should I even care? if so to bad, this is my family now and I won't leave it while there is still breath in my breast.)

    Feather reads it through once more and puts the quill down before slowly closing the book again and padding off quietly to rejoin Jerrick in bed.. her robe left behind as she does