3. Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress

Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress


  • ((OOC: From this point forward, normal font is Lorelai's handwriting, and italics is Tindra's handwriting.))

    Entry 111
    _I've read half this journal so far. It's… wow. Her emotions are so strong and fierce. I'm not saying I'm a cold fish by any means, just that she seems to let her emotions pull her harder than I let mine.

    I wonder about this Feather. Would I have seen the same things Lorelai saw in her? And Jerrick, by Selûne did she fall hard for him. It reminds me of how Andu and I fell in love. Actually, it's amusing how much Jerrick and Lorelai parallel Andu and I. In both cases, we started off as just friends. Then we both thought the other was lost. And that lose made each of us realize how much we cared.

    The parallel breaks with her denying love at first. But when she finally did, I'm sure their love was as strong as the bond I have with Andu.

    There's interesting stuff in here about her other friends, of course. Aelthas especially interests me. He became a werewolf! He's certainly come a long way. I hope he and I can spend some time together soon.

    I took a break from reading. Lorelai found Andu and let me spend some long overdue time with him. All the changes around me have made me feel so out of place. Andu, however, makes me feel at home. No matter what else has changed, I'm glad to how we feel about each other hasn't.

    Think I'll read more now._


  • Entry 110
    ** The writing on this page appears to have some differences, as if it was written by somebody else. **
    _I've yet to read this diary, even though I promised to. Why do I hesiatate? I guess I'm scared. A little part of me wishes this was another dream to wake up from. I am back to where I belong, yet I don't feel like I belong. How many years have I been trapped by the nightmares? So much has changed.

    Norwick moved north. The druids moved west and merged with a shadow circle. Jiyyd is a fiend filled wasteland. The Romani have been taken over by descendants of the Eastlanders and shut out others. Peltarch was almost destroyed in a war and has been rebuilt. There are very few people that I can recognize.

    Oh! Also, I'm pregnant and the father is not my chosen mate.

    I wonder if Lorelai felt the same when I let her have control of us.

    Part of me wishes I never did that. If I didn't, I would not have been found by the nightmares. I admit it, I am angry. Very angry. I was subjected to hell after hell after hell, reliving my fears. Why should I be expected to forgive her for this?

    Yes, I do understand Lorelai did what she did when she was herself full of hate and anger. And yes, she forgot about them, since she didn't use them after a while. But this was not just a simple slap in my face. It was not a little "oops, sorry."

    Lorelai is very ashamed. Very guilty. I could hear it in her voice. I could feel it. And she did finally get me free, with help. Her friends, begged and pleaded to me that Lorelai was remorseful. Fadia was one of those friends, even.

    I forgive Lorelai. It's tough to forgive, but in the end, I need to. Whenever I consider forgiving a person for some wrong they did to me, I ask myself if I would have done the same if I was that person.I don't have to imagine with Lorelai. She is myself taken down a different path.

    So far, I think Lorelai has made good friends. Fadia is one I know, I have the feeling I'll lean on her a lot. Rith I recognize as the woman who tended to the Lathander shrine in Old Norwick. I didn't see Rith often then, but now that I have spent some time with her I am amazed that I never noticed how much we look alike. There's Lune, who I haven't gotten to know yet. Benji's a halfling that seems more like a gnome to me than a hin. Thorn is… well, I can't say I knew him very well before. But he's a Wolf, and therefore family.

    And then there's Jerrick. The man who Lorelai fell in love with. He's the father of the baby. I do think I see what Lorelai finds charming in him. He's handsome, a bit dashing, and turns into big tiger. Figures he's a druid too...

    Okay, honestly, I'm not sure what to think about him. I expect Lorelai has the same problem when dealing with Andu. It's surreal. He's nice, but not the one I chose. And I carry his child. But then it's Lorelai's child, not mine... Lorelai said she didn't mean to get pregnant. She's worried about how I feel. I'm trying not to think too much on how I feel about this pregnancy. It's a mess enough already. I haven't had kids yet because I wanted to fix my head. And I'm afraid I'll end up with a litter like Lilliania did.

    But, a child shouldn't be something to dread. I will try to be happy. It will be Lorelai's child though. I'm fine with being the Aunty.

    Let's see what she's done with my life. Time to read._


  • Entry 109

    These nightmares are getting worse. I can't get a restful night's sleep. The tea isn't helping. Having Jerrick or Rith nearby helps some, but mostly just when I snap out of my dream and am an emotional mess from it. I feel so tired. Think I yawned five times writing this entry so far.

    Fight Night was fun again. Benji had us tossing coins instead of the usual archery. Something diffe r ent. The team fights wa s a different idea too. One team pro tec ts a targ et… the o ther one _____

    The diary entry remains unfinished as Tindra's eyes close and the quill drops from her hand. She falls out of the chair and hits the floor of Jerrick's room with a thump.


  • Entry 108

    The dinner that Chancellor Biswan held with the Senate of Peltarch went fairly well, I think. Except that Ronan made a fool of himself quite a bit with his disagreement of Norwick's stance against extraditing Banites who had aided N'jast. Personally, I would rather see the Banites meet justice too. But Biswan sees it as a matter of law. Norwick was neutral during the war. Oh, of course that just made Ronan rant even more. I'm sure it may surprise him that I don't see Dwin as a coward during the war. I probably would have done the same. He had Jiyyd's citizens to think of as well as his own, and no solid escape route should for the innocents should he have declared war.

    It did strike me a bit odd at first at just how much Ronan was pushing to have the Banite extradited. After the dinner, I realized why he feels so strongly. I think it must be because the Banite is Oscuran. Ronan had ties to that city in the past. He's seen the corruption and evil. He was almost a part of it. And THAT is why he so adamantly pushes himself against Oscura now.

    I just hope he doesn't let that become an obsession. Working against Oscura because he has seen it's evil is one thing. Trying to cut out his past because he is embarrassed of it is something else. Sure, leave it behind maybe. But don't pretend it never was. He'd be denying part of what made him who he is today.

    Biswan told me after the dinner that she wishes my aid in drafting laws of what is acceptable worship in Norwick. She wants me to help her draft them in a way that does not insult or infuriate the druid circle. I am quite happy to see she wants to keep a neighborly relationship with the druids. I am going to try to have Jerrick and Fadia both help me.

    Speaking of druids, there's this new druid in the area that is not associated with us. She seems to have set herself against the lumbering company. She thinks they are clearing out too many trees at once. I'm going to take a look into this. I thought Norwick (especially the Crafter's Union) is more careful and responsible than it was decades ago. I'd hate to see that slip. I'll make sure to talk to Biswan soon. For now, Fadia is trying to keep the druidess from hurting anybody. So far, she's succeeding.

    The only other news I have lately is that Benji's wedding is going to happen soon. He is very excited. I'm glad to see him happy. I remember how he and I sat on the cliff by the south gate and shared stories about our heartaches. Mine with Jerrick, and his with Yana. And look now, we both have found love in the end.

    Though, my "end" has a few twists and turns yet. Soon, Tindra, soon… I hope you will forgive me.


  • Entry 107

    One fish, two fish, small fish, big fish.

    Rith and I went fishing. It was a lot of relaxing fun. We caught a lot of fish too. I think I caught half a dozen, one nice and large. Rith caught about the same, but none as large as the one I caught. Most were small fish.

    Our little fishing expedition was interrupted by Fadia. She sent us an urgent message asking for some help to get to the Helmite temply in Jiyyd. She had been trying to get more information on that Burning Man we were thinking might be connected to the "Banish Misfortune" stuff. She even hung from the Irmunsel. Mielikki did give her a message, basically the Burning Man isn't related at all to the visions. She also saw an image of the Helmite temple so she figured Mielikki and Helm wanted her to get there.

    So Fadia, Rith, Lune, Benji, and myself made the dangerous trek into Jiyyd. We fought four or five hezrou, which are nasty spellcasting demons. I hate fighting them. At least I didn't get stunned by their Blasphemy spell, but it still made me blind and deaf. Lune was almost killed, but Lurue graced her and kept her alive.

    We made it to the temple, and were given a series of visions. I suppose it was easier for Helm to send these images to us on his holy ground. They were certainly interesting. We saw Just'ene's past. It's… tragic. She was rescued from some cult that almost caused a terrible evil to happen. She was certainly scarred from it. The Helmites took her in and trained her. Gave her a purpose so that the seed of evil within wouldn't grow. The visions certainly give some insight on why she was always so focused on her job of guarding Jiyyd and didn't have much of a private life outside of that.

    But what is the significance of this? Why show us Just'ene's past? I suspect that the disaster we are supposed to prevent, the misfortune we are to banish, it must be related to whatever the cult was that had her as a child.

    It's so hard to try to piece this puzzle together. We have information, but it's disjointed and incomplete. But I suppose the gods really can't just hand us everything on a platter. I hope we are at least on the right trail now.


  • Entry 106

    The nightmares are more frequent now. It's getting hard to have a night's sleep. Rith and Fadia noticed I was looking very tired. Both got me to lay down and they watched over me while I slept. Jerrick showed up too, while I had fallen asleep.

    He used his fey blessings to go into my dream. It was of a war with bugbears. Lots of bloodshed, friends dying. We were losing the battle. There was just Rith and I left. I was in my werecat form fighting off at least a half-dozen bugbears while protecting Rith who was leaning against a tree with terrible wounds. Even with all her wounds she was focusing her magic on keeping me alive. I kept wishing she would tend to herself; she was all I had left.

    And then a loud roar echoed through the woods. There was no mistaking it, it was Jerrick as his big tiger self. I felt hope return to me as I roared back, calling for his help. Moments later bounded through the trees and crashed into three of the bugbears I was fighting off, knocking them to the ground. He had shifted back and cast a spell. As a mist started forming around us he helled for Rith and I to get away. I recognized the mist; it was his Stonehold spell. I quickly grabbed Rith and leaped away just before the mist solidified around the bugbears, trapping them.

    As more bugbears came running, he yelled at me to wake up. It made no sense to me. Everything felt so real that I couldn't belive it was a dream. I could feel my heart pumping from battle. I could feel pain from my wounds. A door then appeared beside me, and he told me to enter it and wake up. I thought the door was bizarre, but this couldn't be a dream. It was too real. He didn't give up though. As his Stonehold spell caught more bugbears and his lightning spell zapped them, he reached a hand for me and asked me to trust him. I may have been confused about the fact that I was dreaming. Nothing, however, will ever confuse me about trusting Jerrick. I took his hand, and then opened the door and stepped through, not sure what to expect.

    And there I was, back in my room with my head on Rith's lap with Fadia and Jerrick next to her. It took a half moment for me to realize that, yes, it really was a dream. I'm relieved it was just that…

    Jerrick is more certain now that we are ready to face my nightmares and the fey that has created them. This will end soon.

    I just hope I'm ready to face my other half.


  • Entry 105

    Our "Troublesome Trio" has become a "Fearsome Foursome". Fadia, Rith, and I have adopted Lune into our group. She's a nice priestess of Lurue. I suppose it's natural that I take a liking to her, not only does her name have a similarity to the Moonmaiden's name, but Lune is from Silverymoon too! She's a genuinely polite and friendly person, which is probably the biggest reason for our friendship.

    Rith and I were having fun on Fight Night. Rith had purchased an armor and cloak and paid a hefty sum to have them tailored and dyed to match my own cloak and armor. The result was a confused crowd as they saw two Tindra's enter the archery competition. Poor Benji was beside himself. He wasn't sure which Tindra won the contest, so he split the prize between the two of us.

    Rith and I are from some different backgrounds, yet despite that it's interesting the similarities we do have. I mean besides looks. Perhaps the most striking similarity I've noticed is that we both have terrible creatures of darkness who had made our lives hell in the past and promise to do so again. With myself, it's the Dark Enchantress. For Rith, it's a drow high priestess.

    Some people had wanted to go hunting for some drow. We went along. After a while of searching the crypt and making it to the underground caverns below, it started to feel like less of a good idea. We were too disorganized, which is especially bad when you are part of a group as large as we were. Rith's memories of her time as a prisoner began to surface, too. I know exactly how she felt. I fell similar fears and memories haunt me when I hear talk of the Dark Enchantress, let alone actually seeing her.

    I just wish the Nightmares that haunt my sleep didn't latch onto those fears as much as they do. But I suppose they'd be poor nightmares if they didn't do so.


  • Entry 104

    My curiosity is very piqued. I can't shake the feeling that this Zeke fellow is somebody that should be known. He can't recall his past, except for some flashbacks. One was in the Nars Pass, where the memorial used to be. He had a memory of Maya.

    Recently, we took him to Jiyyd, as he wanted to see the town. And again he had flashbacks. This time I wrote them down, on the page before this. The first one was when we approached where the clothing shop used to be. The second one was when we came to the menhir.

    These aren't common things that are flashing in his head. Hidden lore is bubbling to the surface. What else does he know? I told a friend about this and she gave a suggestion. I'm not sure if she's right, but it sounds like she might be. I think I'll it out.

    Rith was being silly again. I appreciate her intentions behind what she was doing, distancing herself from me so that she isn't taking me away from the rest of my family. I'm surprised she didn't think Fadia and I would notice. It felt like something was wrong. Like you expected the sun to be out but sudden clouds blocked it. I convinced her to stop and just be natural around us. Besides, I could tell she wasn't as happy, and I don't think I'd feel comfortable with the notion that my happiness were to come at the expense of hers.


  • Some hastily scribbled notes are found on this page, it doesn't seem like a diary entry, but something the author wanted to remember.

    Hidden caves, Green Cross, ghosts of the ancient order, entrance hidden under the rug. The old man, he's buried in the back, between the four tree's. A pin should've been on his chest. Secrets of old gods hidden deep.

    Ley lines, spellweaver project, power tearing through warrens, keeping IT locked away. Don't disturb it, must not disturb it, or there may be no hope. Ancient beast. Orbs may control it, though one is lost. Where, where did she take it. A deep secret, a dead leader…the thayans, they took him from us. Lost, confused after. They found us, too careless.

    ((Edited a line per request of the player involved. -Kallethen))


  • Entry 103

    Elder Harggaku gave Fadia an interesting story which she told Adriell, Belia, Jerrick, and I. It relates to the temple and the artifacts and perhaps all this Banish Misfortune business. The tale was about how long, long, long ago the bugbears faced an Army of Luck and how they defeated them. It had a good moral too, not to rely on luck too much, as you'll find it change to bad luck.

    I fell asleep in Jerrick's arms soon after. I couldn't help myself. He's so calm now, and I find that comforting. I can't help but feel safe with him. Despite his arms wrapped around me, I still have my nightmares. It was a new one. I'm not sure if it's related to the bad fey that I struck that stupid deal with. I think maybe my recent worries are really digging at me.

    In the dream I felt pulled around by various people. Some of them people I care about and who care for me. And there were people I dislike or hate even. Everybody wanted me. It was like a giant game of tug-of-war and I was the rope. The Circle pulling me toward the ways of Balance… Eluriel and the Divine Shield pulling me away from any dealings with Malarites... Aelthas and Rith pulling me in opposite directions... The Dark Enchantress was even there. Toward the end of it, the two that troubled me most was Jerrick and Andu each trying to tug at me.

    I woke up at that point. Still wrapped in Jerrick's arms, comforting me. He asked me of my dream and asked what woke me up. He told me I woke up just as he mentioned Andu's name.

    I worry for Andu. I feel guilty for what he's going through. He must long for the touch of Tindra. And because of the lifebond, he feels my emotions for Jerrick when I'm near him.

    Most of all, what has troubled me is not knowing what to do once we rescue Tindra. Do we live together in this one body, trying to share our time with the men we love? I can't see that ending happily. And yet, if either of us simply left, it would cause pain to those who cared for that half. I recalled one suggestion was to see about moving one of us to an unborn child. That still wouldn't be a fair result. Before Andu returned, I was also thinking of seeing about making Tindra and I one whole person again. But now that feels as bad of an idea as sharing our body would be.

    It turns out that Jerrick and Andu have talked and they have a plan. It sounds like they are going to try to work a variation of a reincarnation ritual to make a twin body to split one of us into. Tindra and I each in our own body and allowed to live our lives as we wish.

    I hope we can do that.


  • _~Interlude~
    Pixie Quest IV: The Search for New Ink

    "Please? If you get me some new ink, I'll give you a present."

    Although Tojan would like to say it was the promise of a gift that made her agree, she knew it wasn't. Tojan really didn't want to go to Franni for more ink; it was such a chore to make that first batch. She had to face bees, giant spiders, and even an icky goblin! She was so exhausted from the ordeal she slept past lunch time. Oh, it was worth it to see Dark Kitty giggling after trying out the new ink.

    And here was Sunny asking for some ink, except without the random colors. That was the best part about the ink Franni made. Tojan sighed; humans just didn't know how to enjoy the whimsical like she can. She was about to say no when Sunny did the unthinkable.

    Sunny gave Tojan a 'sad kitty face.' The same one Kitty and Dark Kitty sometimes gave. Tojan knew she was defeated.

    The pixie sighed as she left, "The things I do…"

    
Franni skipped along the tree branch with a happy smile. She heard a rustle above and looked up, but saw nothing in the tree. The pixie shrugged to herself and continued on her way. Again, she heard movement, this time behind her. She turned around and saw nothing odd. Franni frowned and started walking again, though not with her happy gait. There was another rustle of movement, and this time she even saw the leaves move in front of her. She crept forward carefully. A fluffy squirrel's tail poked up and Franni, breathed a sigh of relief.

"You scared me there. You silly furball."

The tail poked down and the leaves rustled again. Franni leaned closer. "Come on out fellah, I don't bite."

The leaves parted and a large cat-like monstrosity lept out at Franni, "Raaaaawwwwwwr!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Franni screamed and fell back against the tree branch, almost falling off.

The cat-thing moved closer, growling at Franni.

"Don't eat me! Don't eat me! Don't eat me!" she begged as she curled up in fright.

The cat-thing paused a moment, then snickered. The snickering turned into giggling. And the giggling turned into a pixie-ish laugh. Franni peeked her eyes open and saw the cat-thing take off it's head. Underneath was...

"Tojan?! Why you little, devilish, thunderheaded TART!" Franni fumed.

Tojan kept laughing. "It took me (snicker) ten days to make this (giggle) outfit! Golly, it was worth it!"

Franni glared at Tojan for a moment before laughing herself. "You got me good kiddo. That evens up the score, huh?"

    "So let me get this straight, you want more ink, but this time just one color? What's the fun in that?" Franni looked at Tojan as if the pixie suddenly grew another head and a second set of arms.

    Tojan nodded. "That's what Sunny wants. Humans just don't seem to enjoy fun sometimes. Even Dark Kitty only used it for a little bit before Fang made more of his. At least she laughed at it."

    Franni shrugged. "We can certainly make more. We just would need different ingredients. What color would she like?"

    "Oh, Sunny didn't say..."

    "How about orange or yellow? Like a sunrise for the Sunny?"

    "Nah, she'd probably complain about her eyes hurting when reading it. Oh! I know! See that flower there?" Tojan pointed to a bush.

    Franni nods, "That's a pretty choice. Humans really like those flowers. Let's see what we can do."

    
Tojan stalked through the field very quietly. Ahead of her, a cardinal picked at the dirt as it searched for grubs. It was the first ingredient on her list. She tiptoed closer and closer, ready to catch her prey. Just as she was about to leap, a giggle from a nearby child startled the cardinal. It started to flap it's wings to fly away. "No!" Tojan cried as she lept at the cardinal. The bird flapped harder and stayed just out of Tojan's grasp and flew away.

"No! No! No! No! No!" Tojan huffed with annoyance.

The little girl ran over and gasped in excitement. "Ooo! A fairy!"

"Don't 'Ooo!' me! You scared away the birdy I was trying to get! You meanie!" Tojan crossed her arms and gave the little girl an angry pout.

The girl frowned. She remembered her mother telling her once to never anger a fairy, otherwise they would do bad things in return. "Birdy? Oh, I'm sorry Miss Fairy. I didn't mean to. Here, would you like a feather instead? It's all I have."

Tojan looked up at the cardinal's feather being held out by the human child. The pixie's angry pout relaxed and turned to a smile. "Okay, I accept. Thanks!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Just dance on the water?" Tojan looked at Franni with a confused look. "How is dancing supposed to get me the fourth ingredient?"

"Trust me!" Franni replied.

Tojan floated down to the pond and began to skip along the water. Her feet just barely touch the water as she gracefully pranced. A pirouette here, a leap there. She had to admit to herself that she at least was having fun.

"Okay, now dance this way and... stop! Don't move!" Franni shouted.

Tojan stopped with one foot touching the water. Only her wings moved to keep her from falling in. "Okay, now what?"

The water below her splashed upward as a large red fish burst up through the water for meal. "EEEEEEK! I'M NOT A BUG!" Tojan shouted as she tried to get away. But the fish was moving so fast that it swallowed her legs. She flew with all her might, but the fish was too heavy and she carried it a little bit before both fell down to the bank with a thud.

Franni flew down and gave the fish a big THUNK on the head and knocked it out. "That was perfect, Tojan!"

"Perfect? Why you... you... you..."

"But we need the fishy's scales!"

    Tojan snuck threw the cavern very carefully. The seventh ingredient was a dangerous mission. She could be in big, big trouble. She came to a door and opened it very slowly, just enough to squeeze her body through. She tiptoed further in, not daring to make a sound by flying.

    A growl echoed in the room. Tojan looked over to her left and saw two big, green, feline eyes staring back at her. She gulped, knowing her cover was blown. The lioness suddenly lept, and before the pixie could react, she was pounced! The big lioness began to give Tojan a few licks and purred.

    "Tawny! Why aren't (sputter) you in (gasp for breath) Sunny's room?"

    Somebody on the bed stirred and sat up. "Who's there?" called out Sunny who was laying next to Dark Kitty and a feline Violet.

    Tojan sighed. "It's just me... and Tawny. Guess I know why she's in here..."

    A few hours later, Tojan made sure everybody was asleep. The pixie glided over to a chest in the corner and carefully picked at the lock and opened it. She pulled out a bottle and then closed the lid of the chest and picked the lock back closed.

    "I hope she doesn't mind me taking a bottle of her favorite wine. Ah, she'll probably assume she drank it some evening."

    
It took days to gather the ingredients. She finally had the last one, a red opal that looked nice and shiny. Dark Kitty was nice enough to get one for her. And Tojan was right, her pet didn't even notice the missing bottle of Silverymoon Ruby.

"Here we are, Franni. All the ingredients."

"Right. Oh, I'm forgetting one!"

Tojan gave Franni a look. "Pixie dust?"

"Pixie dust. Drat, can't fool you twice."_

  • Entry 102

    I'm just not keeping up well with this, am I?

    Well, Rith was telling me she really wants to move on fixing my head. I think she's spurred by Andu returning. And then Fadia revealed that Rith was also wanting to return to Cormyr. I think some of our earlier discussion about Aelthas was weighing on her heart. She's worried she's strayed from her path by making people upset at her.

    Fadia and I convinced her that she's wrong. And I didn't have to resort to reminding her of our "No leaving" promise.

    Fadia's also upset at the vision of Acwel that I told her about. I can see her reason for being worried. She noticed how she doesn't trust the Fury followers at all like Acwel didn't trust and now worries that she'll be a danger like him. I don't think she has to worry about that. The fact that she IS worried about it is a good sign that she won't falter.

    And to toss in more awkwardness at me, Jerrick has returned. I didn't see him immediately, but rather just saw signs that he's back. A letter to the druids here, a note to some friends there. I was mentioning such to Rith the other night and somebody else mentioned to us that he went south with some halfling to see the menhir. Rith and I immediately took off. I think Rith was more worried about him than I was, honestly. We got to the menhir to see an open portal and both hopped in. We found ourselves in another plane and found Jerrick inside with some others. I guess we were in a plane of chaos called Pandemonium, and the halfling had wanted us to collect some slaadi tongues. We made through okay without much trouble, but as we exited the plane back to our home, we found a large black slaadi. I tried to shout a warning, but it pointed a finger at me and I felt my heart sieze up in pain and then blackness.

    I woke up to Jerrick breathng life back into me. Not exactly the excuse I would have resorted to for getting a kiss out of him. My chest still hurt from the experience. Rith, Jerrick, and I soon returned to the den and rested in the hot spring with Fadia joining us later. We caught him up on things that happened. I made sure he knew about Andu. I can tell he's worried like Rith. I made sure Jerrick new I love him still, I'm sure that fear was on his mind.

    Andu and Jerrick… my life is going to feel very complicated. I guess we really do have to stop these nightmares and free my sister.

    But then what? How to make things happy for all of us?

    Selûne, help me figure that out.


  • Entry 101

    I'm still trying to get over this surprise. Andu is back!!

    Right, I shouldn't be too shocked… I mean, he did say he'd return sometime. He's just been so very much out of my thoughts in recent years. Maybe it's good that Jerrick isn't back yet? As if I wasn't panicked enough.

    I wasn't panicking about being Lorelai and not Tindra. He knows of my fractured mind. I can't hide that from him, because of the Lifebond that he shares with Tindra. I panicked because he loves Tindra. And she loves him. And I love Jerrick instead.

    This was the very reason why I avoided romantic interests for a long time. Tindra and Andu. I just didn't think it'd be right for me to find my own love because while I'm different in mind, I'm still a part of Tindra. And while Andu had said before he'd understand if I did seek out my own to love... I didn't try to because I was afraid it would still hurt him. And what would Tindra think?

    But then along came Jerrick.

    By Selûne, did I panic at having Andu back. I don't think I've ever been so nervous in my life. I was a big girl though. With some morale support from Rith and Fadia, I told him.

    I told him a lot really. About me and Tindra and the Fey that I believe has her hidden. About how I caused the nightmares and now they plague me.

    And about Jerrick. I started to tell him about how that all happened. I only got halfway through the story though, when Elder Ronan interrupted. It seems that Ghermain fellow tried to get some information about the temple he spoke of on his own, but Elder Bonegnasher chased him away. I was honestly glad of Bonegnasher's action. I don't quite trust Ghermain and Rimmer.

    And then a vision appeared, one of the ghostly visions of the past. This time it was of an archdruid, and an apprentice who came up to him bearing a message. The apprentice informed the archdruid of a temple being destroyed. One froze it's vines, the other called on fire, and others called on Mielikki and Silvanus to sanctify it. The apprentice voiced his concern about the Furies being used. He felt it would lead to a revival. The archdruid scolded his apprentice on respecting his fellow druids. The apprentice mentioned another didn't trust the Fury druids, and took artifacts from the temple before the Aurilite druid could get to them. They would perhaps be hidden in a temple of the Oakfather? The archdruid joked perhaps Talos, much to the apprentice's dismay. The vision finished with the archdruid telling his apprentice that he needs to learn how to moderate his passions.

    And now for the shocker. The apprentice? The archdruid called him Acwel. As in the Defiler... before he became that.

    Wow. Interesting to see a glimpse of him before he went crazy.

    Note to self: Finish telling Andu the story.


  • Entry 100

    My being a part of the Circle has never been a problem before. Even after we joined with the other Circle to make a whole Circle of Quercatha Terr, it wasn't a problem. All of a sudden now, it's a problem that there are Malarites in the Circle.

    There's information to be had from the Circle relating to all this Banish Misfortune business, as far as I can tell from that meeting with the two odd folk with the whole world after them. Rimmer and Ghermain are their names, I think. They mentioned about a temple to the Darkbringer in the Rawlinswood that had artifacts of Tymora. Said temple was destroyed by druids by ice and fire. It's obvious that I need to find out what the Circle knows of this temple.

    Yet Rith, Fadia, and even Eluriel are harping on me not to tell anything to the Circle because they fear the Malarites will help the demonic forces.

    Which honestly does NOT MAKE SENSE.

    None of the Circle's members have been helping demons. We've all been working AGAINST demons. The Hungry One's forces… The Patriarch's demon-infused bugbears... The demonic Taint related to those... And how about creating a barrier to hold back the fiendish forces unleashed in Jiyyd during the N'jast War? I've always lived my life with notion that I should judge a person on his or her actions, not who that person is or what that person says. Evil god or no, everything I've seen from the druids of our Circle is that they hold Balance in high regard and see demons as a threat to that.

    I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions.

    I'm going to try to be discreet in my search for information. However, if this looks to be a threat to the Rawlinswood, I must inform all of the Circle.

    Let's compare to Elder Aklo. She follows Kossuth. Right now there is some great being of fire that was released and promises to see all of Narfell burn. Does Elder Aklo want this to happen? No.

    Now apply that same thought to the Malarites. Do they want to see demons take over just because Malar is an evil god?

    Yeah, I know... that likely won't convince anybody.

    Jerrick, please come back soon.


  • Entry 99
    Well, it's been some time since I last wrote in this. I didn't mean to stop writing. I ran out of ink and was too lazy to get more. And as cute as Tojan's ink is, it's a bit painful to the eyes to go back and read what was written. It's like a rainbow threw up on the page. Fadia wants the ink though, I'm sure Tojan won't mind if I let her have it. Instead, I'm trying out this lovely purple color I saw.

    Rith and Vash't do seem to have resolved most of their annoyances at each other. I'm relieved to see it. Still, they aren't a close couple yet, but Rith just needs to take things slow and overcome her own inner demons.

    Fadia can't stand the Malarites in our Circle at all. I understand her reasons. I doubt I can make her see my reasons for not sharing her full hatred of the Malarites. Oh, don't get me wrong. I don't like them at all. And Harggaku's a bugbear on top of being a Malarite. But from his words and his actions, I see somebody that is at least worthy of respecting. Note that "respect" doesn't mean "like". I'm sure Rith and Fadia both think I'm naive to believe that all the elders put the Circle and the balance of nature first. But that is what I've seen. I guess I just don't want to be a hypocrite. After all, most sane people would agree that a werecat is a monster…

    I did make Fadia promise that when she does leave she doesn't cause harm or drama with it.

    Jerrick... he's still not back. Part of me does worry; this is the longest he's been gone. My gut says that I shouldn't try to worry though.

    Aelthas. I love my brother. I do. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like he and Rith will be friends. They annoy and piss off each other. I can live with that though. Sure, I'd like it better if they could be friends, but I realize that is an uphill battle. So long as they can keep civil to each other, I can live with it. What is pissing me off though, is his constant, "How can you trust a person so much that you haven't known for very long and abandon your old family to the side of the road?"

    Does he realize how much this irks me? Does he really think I'm going to abandon him? Is he blind to me wanting everybody in my life and not just Rith or himself? Every time I hear it, I bite my tongue to keep from yelling back at him to stop being so damn jealous.

    Okay, I'll admit I do spend a lot of time with Rith and not much with him. However, Rith lives down by Norwick (most often staying in my old room in the Fuzzy Den) while Aelthas does frequent Norwick but lives up in Peltarch. It's no secret that I prefer the woods to the city. It doesn't take a gnomish scientist to conclude that I'm going to see Rith more based on that.

    I suppose I'll just have to come up with some reasons to force myself into the city to visit him more.

    I've managed to stay out of trouble lately. Well, I think up until recently. I think I'm going to end up getting involved in this whole business with these two odd fellows who are searching for artifacts. Which is related to the echoes of the N'jast war. And Just'ene's ghost and her cryptic "Banish misfortune" warning. And maybe also relates to the Defiler, the Lost City, the Patriarch...

    By Selûne, is there anything not related to this?

    <g>Fark.</g>


  • Entry 98

    The Troublesome Trio is back together! I'm glad Fadia's back. We competed in the archery contest at Fight Night. Rith got eliminated in the first round, but Fadia and made it to the final. I came in forth, but at least I gave a good show as Maythor and I tied repeatedly. Squeak won, and Fadia got second place.

    I'm still not sure what possessed Benji to give me a piece of celery for a "tough luck" prize…

    While we were watching the boxing and team fights from the hill, Aramuil asked to talk to us. He's convinced that all the "echos" of the past we've been seeing is being caused by menhir deep in Mintas Rhelgor. He wants to gather folk together to cleanse Mintas and find the source, and wanted Fadia and I to ask the Circle. He could be correct, at least the "echos" seem to talk about things out there. Rith has her doubts, as do I. Personally, I think maybe we should try to find out what the saying "Banish misfortune" and that hand gesture mean. It's repeated enough in the "echos" to be something meaningful and is probably the key to all this.

    After Fight Night, us three girls went to my den for a nice relaxing soak. Rith talked some about her feelings for Vash't, which turned out to be some ironic talk because after a short while of us in the hot spring a little rodent came over and gave Rith a small note. It was from Vash't, asking for help. He was trapped in one of the crypts.

    We rushed to get to him. Rith remembered when I got stuck in a trap door and figured he was in the same situation. After searching the old crypt some (and fighting lots of ghouls and giant zombies), we figured he wasn't there and left it.

    We found Vash't outside in the graveyard, looking well. Somebody else was with him, who was wary of me in my werecat form. While it was good to see Vash't safe, I think Rith was a bit frustrated that we got out here for nothing. She said a remark that she didn't mean to sound insulting, but it came across that way. And Vash't responded with a similar remark. Rith walked away leaving Fadia and I with some lovely awkwardness, then Fadia chased after Rith.

    Vash't was stunned by it all. He couldn't understand why she said what she did. I think he took what she said a little too hard. He told me straight out that he was stupidly in love with Rith. He thought the feeling was mutual, but this whole incident has him wondering. I did the best I could to convince him that she her feelings for him are the same. She was stressed and tired, I could tell, and she said something stupid really. Words she didn't really mean, I could tell.

    I think I got Vash't to accept what I told him. He apologized for dragging me into it, though no apology was needed. She's my sister.

    For the record, yes he was in danger. Somebody else just happened to find him first and helped him out.

    I returned home to talk to Rith. Fadia was talking with her and it seemed like the same thing as me with Vash't. Rith was upset at what he said and couldn't understand why. She loves him and thought he loves her but what was said has her doubting.

    Looking back at this, I can't help but laugh.

    I made her realize he snapped at her because she said something bad to him first. She didn't mean to though, she meant it as a joke. I told her he's in love with her. Not sure that completely made her feel better, she's unsure about herself. If you ask me though, it's very plain and obvious. They are both stupidly in love with each other. I can't help but remember when I first realized I was in love with Jerrick, how much it gnawed at me.

    I almost laughed when Rith apologized to Fadia and I for dragging us into this problem of hers. Quite ironic, no? Both Vash't and Rith apologizing for that.

    I gave her my advice and I hope she follows it. Talk to him, apologize for the words she didn't mean... Hopefully express how she feels...

    You know something? I'm feeling like the big sister all of a sudden.


  • Entry 97

    Rith and I spend a little bit of time together. She wanted to tell me how the rescue trip went. Unfortunately, the mother was dead, but the child had been born and they rescued her. Sadly, the Thayan slavers did something to the baby, tainting it with demonic blood or something.

    The very thought completely disgusts me. How can a person do such a thing to a newborn child? To be so much a monster at heart more than I am in form. Revolting… I'm glad I didn't go, I don't think I could have stayed rational at seeing that. I pray Lady Daisy can help the baby.

    Rith also mentioned a Yuan-ti approached wanting to strike a deal. I guess that means the drow are getting busy again. Gonna try to look out for things.

    After Rith went to bed, I wandered to the southern gate of Norwick and sat with Adriell. I'm glad to see her back. We had a nice chat. Somebody recognized me and ran off in fright, which I honestly thought was odd. He looked a bit familiar, a druid that hasn't been seen for a while. When I went into the inn to stock up on some food, I saw him again and he panicked again.

    Turns out he thinks I'm going to eat him because I am a cat and he can turn into a rat. I have to admit, I was tempted to tease him, but I held back. No sense in having friends fear me.

    Oh, I have to remember to get a moonstone from my collection to give to Yuki as thanks for the cat's eye gem. She's been collecting gemstones.


  • Entry 96

    Not too much happened today. Which is nice, as I was able to get together with Rith. Eluriel was also with us for a chat. She wants my help with a rescue mission that she and Rith are putting together. Some Thayans have captured a woman with an unborn child.

    After discussing that, I told Rith more about my trip. She worries a lot for me when I put myself in danger. I had to remind her that I'm no stranger to danger. It's part of my life as a Wolf of Narfell, as a Protector of the Circle, and perhaps just as me. She knows that deep down. I just mean so much to her, that's the problem. Because of me, she has a sense of belonging and family that she didn't have just serving as some divine weapon of her god. Not that her job isn't important, but she needs to be more than just that. She's only human. Jerrick and Fadia help with this too.

    I don't think I can accurately put to words why she means so much to me. Aelthas certainly likes to pester that it makes no sense that I would take a woman I barely met into my heart as such. One thing I know. Because of her and Jerrick, I think I am a better person.

    Maybe I don't need a reason to love Rith anyways. I think fate brought us together.


  • Entry 95

    My limbs are finally feeling like they should. They've been aching for weeks, even after I arrived back in Narfell. So now that I'm feeling better, I naturally must find some trouble, right?

    Last tenday, a Norwick Militia scout ran into town asking for help. He found a lot of goblins involved in a ritual in the old ruins. They had a big wolf with them, and he heard a word whispered in the shadows repeatedly… "cord." That makes me think, "Corde." A bunch of us went to the ruins and fought the goblins and the big bad wolf zombie. I hope this isn't a regular occurance. Maybe I should talk to Rith about it, see if we can't finaly purge that jerk's influence from the ruins.

    I was hoping to sit down more with Rith yesterday. Didn't get the chance to. First, a duegar tried to kill Squeak. I wonder what she did to piss them off. Then as we tried to find the assassin, we ran into some sort of vision from the N'jast war. It was of two N'jast soldiers talking at used to be Sam's Hill. Sounds like Dwin may have been responsible for it being blown up? I was curious what turned that hill into a crater.

    If there's one thing you can count on Aramuil for, it's making a big fuss and having to organize a huge spectacle of an investigation even if said investigation is most likely going to turn up fruitless.

    He was convinced that we all needed to get to Jiyyd, that the visions are being caused by necromantic energies being used so there must be something in Jiyyd causing them right now. I guess these visions have been happening for a while, and started in Jiyyd. I really, REALLY did not want to go. I hate fighting demons. I do not have weapons that can hurt them, except perhaps for a handful of arrows. They are resistant to spells also. And if my magic sword can't hurt them, my claws certainly won't as well. Yet here, Rith and I were getting dragged into Aramuil's quest.

    First, the menhir. He tried to cast spells of detection at it. Every damn spell caused the menhir to open a brief portal that spat out a big demon. And each of those big demons liked to use that "word" spell that makes me go blind and dazed from the blast of it. Not. Fun. I think I was hit with that like ten times. Plus some dispells.

    We then saw a spirit of Just'ene, who pointed us east and said, "Banish misfortune." We headed to Ormpur's ruins, fought lots of nasty undead out there. We rested in the nearby glen and saw another vision. After that, we went to the Dark Enchantress's tower. Like I REALLY should be there.

    I'd feel better about this whole trip if it actually seemed like we accomplished something. Rith commented that at least we kicked out some demons. Honestly, that's not enough for me. Many of those demons showed up from Aramuil tinkering with the menhir! I just count us fortunate that there were no serious injuries.

    Tomorrow, I'm gonna grab Rith and find a nice place to hide so we can catch up and be sisters. Maybe Adriell too, I see she's back.


  • Entry 94

    I'm home.

    I'm sore. I'm tired. I'm upset that I didn't see Jynai. Hell, I didn't even make it to Cormanthyr. I was almost killed.

    Still, I think if I was presented with the same situation again, I do what I did again. I don't regret saving another's life.

    Rith is quite relieved that I am home. She missed me a lot. Maybe a bit more than I expected. I missed her, Fadia, and especially Jerrick, also. But it sounds my absense was felt hard by all three. I do admit I like and feel flattered that people care for me so much. However, I do feel a little bothered and guilty that they need me so much.

    I told Rith all about my trip. She made it clear that I'm not to go on another trip without her again. Hearing me tell about the twister and how close to death I was. And then she told me that she had been spending a lot of time around Jiyyd fighting fiends. Remember that she gave me her holy symbol before I left?

    And she says I worry her?!

    We truly are sisters, eh? Making each other worry. And we look even more alike now. I've grown my hair out a some, and she cut her hair back. Our hair is about the same length now.

    There's an interesting revelation for me. For years, whenever I looked in the mirror, I felt that the reflection wasn't me, Lorelai. It's Tindra's reflection. I looked different. Brown skin, dark brown hair, brown eyes, a bit more of an exotic looking face. That's just how I remember how I should look.

    But now… it's different. I feel like I could accept my current blonde-haired reflection as myself.