3. Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress

Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress


  • Entry 55

    I finally got my lecture. Ronan and Aelthas both saw Jerrick and I together. It's not like I was hiding it. After a bit of the two staring at us, Ronan called me over to talk. There wasn't one word he said that I didn't expect. Disapproval at Jerrick turning to me so soon after Feather left (even though it was I who approached Jerrick). Reminder of how many failed relationships he's had. Would he wait for me, if I venture off somewhere? Telling me that he hasn't seen Jerrick give the same sacrifices to his loves as they have to him (except Kara, he concedes).

    I know Ronan means well. At least he could quickly tell that my mind was made up. He just wanted to give his warnings. He does hope I prove him wrong.

    I will.

    Benji was quite perplexed too, when he saw Jerrick and I all cuddly. Jerrick didn't feel like hearing any gruff from him so we ducked out before Benji could say anything to us. He wasn't too happy about that. We found him later at Jerrick's house looking for us. So Jerrick flat out asked him why Benji felt the need to stick his nose in who Jerrick is with like everybody else. Why all the judgement? Benji's answer caught him by surprise. I'll admit I was a little shocked myself, but looking back it all makes sense.

    Benji wasn't judging Jerrick. He was jealous. Jerrick's had more than a few women, while Benji hasn't had one until recently. Jerrick couldn't help but feel like an ass for how he treated Benji in return. Well, at least we cleared things up and all is good.

    So I guess that leaves Aelthas to have a talk with me sometime. Personally, I'm hoping he figures Ronan said enough of what needs to be said and leave it at that. Just let me have my happiness for however long it lasts.

    I feel cozy just being here in his bed, despite having another nightmare. Seeing everyone I care for dead, killed in a massive attack, with myself a sole survivor to witness it all. He woke me up before the nightmare could go further and held me, calming me. I can't get back to sleep, though. Something nags at me, about these nightmares. It's like there is some significance I'm missing.

    I'll puzzle it out later. My light spell is starting to fade. I'll see if sleep reclaims me.


  • Entry 54

    Something is up with Aelthas. I'm not sure what but he feels a bit distant to me lately. It's a little unnerving. I wonder if I should ask Lycka if anything is wrong. He's certainly not telling me. And I don't think he's found out yet about Jerrick and I so it shouldn't be that.

    Soleil's distraught. She lost her animal friend. She's hoping she can bring him back somehow, I hope so. She seems so sad, and not just from her loss. I think she's having some love trouble too. She was a bit upset when I mentioned Jerrick and I. Not jealous of me having Jerrick, but jealous of having somebody.

    Badger's edgy too. Bored, mostly, I think.

    Well, we ended up with plenty of excitement. First, giant bats. Then some "rotten man" as the yuan-ti called it. A beast of Malar, cougars, zombies, a flying creature… Something is up for sure. And I'm not sure I like it.


  • ((OOC Warning - F-bomb is being dropped in this post. Please seek shelter if you cannot weather it's impact.))

    Entry 53

    It's a relief. I really do feel like a weight has lifted from me. No, it's not because he loves me. Honestly, that was obvious for a long while. The relief is that I don't have to hold back now.

    I showed him the letter from Feather. After he read it, I confessed all. How much he means to me. My love for him. The comfort I feel being with him. The trust I have in him. And how much I've been afraid to act and why I was afraid.

    And he did the same, confessing how he felt for me and that he has long felt that way. And his own fear of loving me despite his past history at romance. Despite his fears, he wants to.

    In the end, I think we said what was in our hearts and were too afraid to say. And yet, I think we knew what each other would say. It was still good to say it.

    Aelthas and Ronan have both warned me about Jerrick's previous relationships when they first found out I fell in love with Jerrick and both said I'd be better off without him anyways.

    Fuck that. I don't care what has happened. What matters is how I feel and how he feels. I'll have more regrets if we don't walk this path. We love each other now. No matter how long this lasts, be it a days or years or a lifetime, I will enjoy each moment we share together.


  • A letter is folded and tucked in between the pages at this place in the diary.

    Lorelai,

    No doubt by now you know I'm gone, a long time now. I had to go and quickly I hope someday you'll forgive me because it does not mean I don't love you with all my heart and all of who I am. I know now you'll be there for our love, to comfort him, to listen, and someday I hope to be with him; nothing could make me happier then to know that you are both cared for, I just hope it can be for the two of you what it was for us; actually I believe it will be more for you will never leave him of this I'm certain, I'm afraid I wasn't strong enough to say no when my mothers people needed me. I just hope someday you'll both forgive me and that you both still love me as much as I do you. If you think it will help, please share this letter with him when you believe he is ready to read it. He can be a very silly and noble man at times, but I do not wish him to believe I would want this to be otherwise.

    Sisters in Selune

    Jynai

    Entry 52

    She was in my life for a short handful of years. And yet, in some far off country she manages to know exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. If she wasn't so far away, I'd honestly suspect that she read this diary. From the first day we met, I think she knew.

    Well, I hope she knows she's forgiven. Actually, she never needed forgiving to begin with, at least not from me. I miss her, yes. But I know she's doing what she feels she must.

    Thorn's of course curious what she wrote. I might tell him later.

    I've been sitting on the cliff side near the south gate, just staring at this letter in these early hours of the morning. Granted for most of that time it was too dark to re-read the letter, but just staring at it thinking.

    It's a wake up call to my heart. Up until now, I've held back because I was afraid. Afraid of hurting her. Afraid of chasing him away. Afraid because I've never felt this way before about another.

    Feather's unspoken words here? Stop being afraid.

    Now I just have to hunt down Jerrick, unless he finds me first. After that, well, I'll figure out what -

    Ah, there he is. Here goes nothing.


  • Entry 51

    Jerrick is back from his trip to…. wherever it is the Fey take him. I must admit I'm a little curious of what he does for the Fey. Maybe I'll ask sometime.

    And no, I did not tackle him.

    It's funny, he comes back and immediately digs into trouble. When I saw him at the southern gate, he looked like he had been hit by all manner of spells and blades. At least he wasn't looking as bad as that other time when he was drained and such. Ronan ended up with a cursed cloak after the ordeal, he's going to try to uncurse it.

    Jerrick promoted Thorn and Rasuil as the Wolves' "Bows" of Norwick. That puts them in a commanding role, so to speak. I approve of his choice. Thorn's pretty involved in things around Norwick, as is Rasuil. And both are fairly level headed.

    I talked with Jerrick for a while, and had a nice brunch at the inn with him. We talked about how we've both been sent back from death by our goddesses. Why send us back? What purpose are we to fill? Is there some grand destiny?

    I suggested that perhaps our purpose lies in who we already are and the things we do. He liked that idea. It's simpler. He thanked me after we finished our brunch, for helping him. I'm not quite sure what help I was besides being his confidant and friend.

    But as I think on that, I feel my earlier words echo back. The help I give him doesn't need to be something grand, just being who I already am. His friend, his confidant, his soulmate.

    There's that word again. Looking at it, that feels right. And yet, it pains me. What about Feather? Dammit, I shouldn't get my hopes up. Right?


  • Entry 50

    By Selûne what a headache I had early in the week. Apparently there are these creatures that cause magic to go haywire an it causes Wild Magic, as well as giving us mages quite a nasty headache. I hope that clears up soon.

    I'm still a little puzzled by Rynn. I wonder why she's so skittish. I wonder if I can help her get some confidence of herself. Maybe she's got some though, she had quite an outfit on. It was the type of outfit I'd wear when I want to flirt.

    Speaking of flirting, Fight Night was fun. Thorn won again, which relieved him as he made a bet with Sabre. The loser had to box in a thong. Honestly, I had a hard time cheering for Thorn. It was a tempting image, him in a thong. On the other hand, Sabre wore it very well. My little purple number was a hit with the crowd also.

    Horlamin, however, got me annoyed. Is it really necessary to taunt the laws of Norwick just to bug Dwin? Can't we try to put forth a good image that would make folks trust us? Apparently, I've got my work cut out for me…

    I'm a bit annoyed at Dietrick too, for picking on Thorn. A couple of invisibility spells later, and we both were away from him and had a nice chat about things. We had a visit from Caelian, too. Crux is a lucky gal, I think. Thorn's a good elf.


  • Entry 49

    There still seems to be a lot going on in the woods, though things were quiet for me this week. It seems Thorn and Noah have been dealing with a vampire and gotten him to promise not to attack townsfolk in exchange for letting him bite them. Selûne, please make sure they are safe.

    Eli's also run into some trouble. From what I've been told, she's been sniffing pixie dust and has gotten addicted to it. I told Tojan to avoid her. It took me a few minutes to explain who Eli is, because Tojan loves to give people special names. Eli is "Lilly." Anyways, Adriell is in a huff about Eli's problem, mostly because Eli is lying about it. We might have to lock her up to break her addiction.

    Jerrick must have been off to Fae lands again, I haven't seen him in a while. Somebody mentioned he was around briefly. I have to get a hold of myself. I feel so antsy, maybe because of my nightmares? I feel calmer when he's near.

    Get a grip. The last thing he needs is an obsessive werecat ready to pounce him whenever he shows up.

    I bet he'd enjoy it though.


  • Entry 48

    More attacks. Something must be stirring in the woods.

    something I forgot the other week, Soleil and another.. Rey? They are interested in the Druid Circle. I need to leave a note.

    I met another friend, Rynn. She witnessed an attack on the gates by the goblinkin and it scared the hell out of her. She seems to be pretty afraid of everybody. Benji's loud voice at Fight Night upset her even. Is she yet another who went through some trauma that has left her scarred?

    Another old face showed up, Pete. I have to admit, I didn't recognize him at first. I think Sis knew him more. I have the feeling though, after talking with him, that he knew of our problem. He doesn't seem to remember much about it, just that he helped collect the wood for a dreamwalk.

    And it seems I surprised Noah a bit. I talked about my past and we quickly realised we share similar pasts. Both of us are half-breeds, both of us were scorned for it, both of us were exiled.

    And both of us have found we belong here.


  • Entry 47

    The south gate of Norwick has seen a lot of fighting lately. Bugbears, goblins, hobgoblins, drow…

    It's worrisome.

    Oh, and I gotta be more careful about shapeshifting near town. I spooked a newcomer into attacking me when I changed into my half-cat form. He started shooting at me, since I was a monster. And while I'm flattered that everybody else was willing to defend me and threaten the man, I feel bad.

    Let's be honest here. I am a monster. Right? Perhaps not the mind nor the heart of a monster, but I have the form of one.

    I think I should make sure people don't hold any grudges against that fellow.


  • Entry 46

    Jerrick wasn't around today. That's probably for the best, right?

    Undead were attacking the south gate. Lots of stinking zombies and a farking huge one. It turns out there was some Thayan wizard behind it all. He didn't like it when I tossed some dispels at him, he lobbed a fireball back at me. Unfortunately, he got away. We'll get him next time.

    I did get to talk to that "cat" woman I wrote about. Soleil is her name. She's very nice. It turns out she has some feline mannerisms because she grew up in a temple full of them. She worships Nobanion, who is a god of felines and royalty. I do find her interesting, and she is very accepting of me being a werecat. Another good friend, I hope.


  • Entry 45

    While I've stayed out of trouble, it seems that Jerrick fell head first into it. He ran into cultists of some "Mad God" and they used mind magics to have him attack friends. Luckily, they were defeated and Jerrick was freed from their spell, but he was in bad shape afterward. Cursed and under the effects of some nasty draining magic.

    Later, I ran into Uljas and we spent some time together. Nothing serious. One thing I really love about Uljas is his care free attitude. Of course, it's not like he has no cares at all. He simply lives life in the moment and doesn't trouble himself over what has happened or what will happen until he needs to worry about it.

    When I returned to town, I sat down with Jerrick at the south gate and talked with others. I ended up falling asleep against him. I don't exactly remember what happened in my dream, but it was turning into one of my nightmares. I do remember that Jerrick suddenly showed up in it when it was getting bad and helped turn things around. I wonder if he comforted me in my sleep and my mind unconciously picked up on that?

    <g>FARK.</g> Do I really want to go down this line of thought? Yes, I love him. I came to terms with the fact that he has Feather. Just because she's left doesn't mean I can step in, right? I mean, look at how long it took for him to move on from Kaetlyn. And she did eventually return. What would Feather think if she returned and found me with him.

    Somehow, I feel that she wouldn't be surprised. Does that make it okay? The thought of hurting her makes me feel guilty about it.

    When I decided to head back home to have a soak in the hot spring, I was very, very tempted to pull Jerrick along with me. Hell, I might have if Ronan wasn't there. I'm sure he'd have scolded me after. I can tell he doesn't like how much I cling to Jerrick as it is.

    The look in Jerrick's eyes when I left made one thing clear to me. He'd have followed if I did try.

    <g>FARK.</g> Maybe I should just get this over with and talk to him.


  • Entry 44

    Those Malarites we defeated before had their hunt again. This time, we were the prey.

    Or so they thought. We ended up hunting them down instead. Granted, we had the advantage of knowing the woods we were in. Any of us could probably walk through the woods near Norwick in the dark and not stumble over anything. Even those of us without elven night vision. The Malarites did put up a nasty fight though, their arrows were especially nasty. I had to consume a few of my powerful healing potions, and Badger was bleeding so much at a few points that I'm surprised he was still standing.

    They'll be back; we simply defeated a hunting party sent by the high priestess. Yes, I'm a little troubled at the thought that if we only faced a hunting party and it was this nasty, how bad will the high priestess's entourage be?

    Ah well, I got a nice armor out of it. Very sturdy studded leather. It'll protect me well, but I'll have to keep an eye on my spellcasting. I'll admit I'm sometimes jealous at priests and druids with how they can cast in the heaviest of armors without a problem where my armor restricts my hand motions. But, they have to pray daily for their spells, whereas I have the magic in my blood. I suppose I shouldn't complain.

    I'm still a bit confused and upset that Feather has left. She didn't say any goodbyes, no notes explaining why. She simply is gone. She didn't even tell Jerrick. It makes no sense to me. Why? Regardless of her reasons, I pray Selûne will guide her on her path and she finds what she needs. I'll miss her. It's been a while since anybody felt so much like a sister to me.

    Jerrick is taking it well. What's done is done and he'd rather focus on other matters than get worked up over her disappearance. Oh, he cares for her and misses her, I know it. But he'd rather not get all moody and have people think he's losing his mind.

    Except with me. He's not afraid of letting me see it. He feels guilty that he pours his troubles on me. I don't mind it so much, I've dumped a lot of crap on him as well. We help each other get through the day. He vents about thing to me, I give him a comforting hug and make him feel better. Or vice versa. It's like we are sou l m .

    Oh Selûne help me. It's not going to be easy with Feather gone.

    ((OOC: In case it's not apparant, the last word of the second to last paragraph is incomplete, like she stopped writing in the middle of it.))


  • Entry 43

    I feel like such an ass right now. Idiot. Why did I do that to Badger? I didn't mean to hurt him, but I know I did. That's what I get for talking before thinking first. I wonder if this is how Jerrick felt when he asked "that" question.

    And Dwin's gone and banned Badger from town, too. He holds him partly responsible for Jaelle. Ugh. I'm tempted to talk this over with Dwin, but I'm not sure I feel like adding to my headache. Not sure if Badger would really appreciate it either.

    I ran into an interesting woman today. She kind of acts like a cat, which really caught my attention. My first thought, of course, was to wonder if we had another werecat. I didn't smell it in the air though, so maybe she just really likes cats? I didn't see any symbols of Sharess on her. I'll have to satisfy my curiosity and talk to her more.


  • Entry 42

    Damn, these nightmares are really getting annoying. Maybe I'm too stressed out? Could it be more than just stress and dealing with too much crap that reminds me of my days with the Dark Enchantress? I'm making Jerrick concerned. I spent the whole day with him. I could tell he's worn out. At least he doesn't seem to be as ready to snap as he was getting before.

    Only around him do I feel comfortable enough to talk about all this. He doesn't judge me, and I can tell he really does care for me. Sure, I wish that his caring for me could be more, but I've gotta live with the cards I've been dealt. I do wonder what Sis would think of all this. I do feel a bit bad that every time I talk about my problems, he keeps feeling like he should do something but he doesn't know what. It's not exactly your everyday kind of problem.

    No, there's no easy solution, but we'll find one. Either through dreamwalking or if that fails he'll deal with the Fae for me.

    Though, that could get messy. Take a look at Adriell. She took a couple week trek through the Fae lands and it turned out to be a few years for the rest of us! So what are the chances of there being some drawback to having the Fae fix my head?

    Pretty much a sure thing.

    Alright, I know Fae aren't bad. The problem is that they are, by nature, unpredictable. They probably make perfect sense to each other, but to us mortals, they are precocious. If we go for that solution, it'll have to be a last resort, I think.


  • Entry 41

    We've had a number of old faces come back. Funny how that happens every once in a while. There was that halfling warrior, Dietrick. He's as odd as ever. And Atel is back, she tells me she's converting to worshipping Torm. At least it's not Helm. Oh, and did I mention that Adriell is back? I'm glad to see her.

    I've been having nightmares again. It's gotta be from all the crap that has been bringing up bad memories. Makes the headaches worse though.

    I ran into Arlan, and asked how he's doing. He had his problem resolved, though it sounds like maybe it's not. Now I can't say for sure, I'm only going on the information given to me about how he solved his issue and his mentioning having an odd feeling in the back of his mind. My instincts say, "Keep an eye on him."

    That's all for now, I want to get some sleep.


  • Entry 40

    Thorn won the archery contest at Fight Night again. Damn, he's good with that bow. Unfortunately, this won't make four in a row since he missed the last Fight Night. I guess he can just try from start again, right?

    I didn't stick around for the boxing or team fights. I wanted to, but I felt tired and had a bit of a headache. I hope I'm not getting sick again.


  • Entry 39

    Hatred. Anger. Revenge.

    Once upon a time, that was all that mattered to me. They were guiding me on a path of destruction that surely would have seen an early end to my life. If not for those who refused to give up, I am certain I would have died long ago. Instead, I live. I have been given a chance to redeem myself, and I would like to think I have, except possibly with one thing which I hope to rectify soon.

    I see a lot of my old self in Jaelle's life. She, too, let herself be consumed by Hatred, Anger, and Revenge. She let herself go down that path, pushing away those who cared. She brought herself to a bloody and firey end, blowing herself up along with those she wanted to kill. Looking at the wreckage of the tavern in Oscura, I could not help but feel overwhelmed on seeing what I could have become and how I could have ended.

    I was one who tried to help chase her down. I hoped we could stop her. I wish I could have somehow helped her pull away from what she was doing. I know she would not have listened to me. The only one who had a chance was Badger, and she pushed him away.

    May her spirit find rest and her rage die away like the fires that eventually burned out.


  • Entry 38

    I wish I could say that things have quieted down some in the woods with Eggbutt gone, but really there are too many other problems. Like that "burning man" fellow who's burning animals and apparently sent burning skeletons at the south gate and wall. The town almost lost the wall to the fire, I gather.

    I met an interesting hin in the woods. Nice fellow, but clumbsy on his feet. I saved him from a corpse beetle that was chasing him all over the woods.

    Oh, and Thorn's getting better at his magic. Well, relatively speaking. He tried to make some seeds grow to demonstrate to me how he's been doing. And the plants grew. Actually, they grew too well. Vines started to crawl all over me. I managed to slip out of a lot of them but they finally snagged me good.

    So, at least he has found how to tap into his magic. Now he needs to work on control. I'll try to come up with some good pointers for him.


  • Entry 37

    Ugh. I feel sick today, so I decided to just stay in. I don't think it is anything serious. Just a fever and sniffles. I should be back on my feet and getting into trouble in no time.

    Since I had nothing better to do, I took some time to read back through this diary. I haven't really done that yet. I just write out my thoughts and leave it at that. So it's been interesting re-reading what I've gone through. I've come to two conclusions.

    First, I do owe Siri a thank you for the diary. It has been good for me. I expect I will get an "I told you so" from her.

    Second, I really can't bring myself to write about a certain issue I have. All that talk of not hiding, and I still hide. Why can't I bring myself to write it down? It's not like anybody reads this book, right? Am I so afraid that it will get stolen and my secret exposed? Is my guilt so heavy? Or would it really be all that bad if it was exposed?

    The family and friends I have told have all been supportive and understanding. They comforted me and some offered to help. They think I'm a good person and haven't done wrong. But then I hear Nalra's words dig at me. Even though I know he was probably just trying to rile me up, they bother me. I've said similar words to myself.

    And then Benji's initial reaction sticks in my head. Just looking at the facts, it's pretty clear that this is one seriously messed up and crazy situation. He made me realize just how insane I sound.

    I'm hoping Lycka and her tribe's dreamwalker can help. At the same time, I'm afraid to hope too hard. I've already had it happen that I get close to finding a conclusion only to have it taken away.

    Alright, I'm starting to overthink this and it's making my head hurt. Time to sleep for now.


  • Entry 36

    Another fun Fight Night. I took part in the archery contest again. The first round went well for me. The second, however, I was sure I was outclassed. Luke was one of the opponents and I've seen him to be an accurate shot. He was beating me too until his last shot, when somehow the wind steered his arrow off and it missed the target.

    I managed to land third place, which I'm happy for. I got a rough spell crystal as a prize. I've been wanting one ever since I saw RoRo playing with one. Yngdir took second place and Thorn took first. That's the third Fight Night in a row that Thorn claimed the first prize in archery. I have to admit I'm pretty impressed.

    Boxing could have gone better. I was up against Val, who of course wasn't at all distracted by my skimpy outfit. I probably should have unleashed my rage sooner against her.

    Team fights went alright too. I was teamed up with Grog and Val. We at least got third place. Belmar won it for his group; go sorcery!

    Benji's really looking happy. Whoever this Talyna is, she certainly seems like she's a good girlfriend for him I guess.

    I also bought a new necklace! After Fight Night, Luke was showing off a very pretty necklace that looked to be blessed by Selûne. He was looking to sell it and I decided to buy it. I'm sure it'll make Aelthas a little jealous. I probably overpaid for it. However, it's better that I paid extra gold for it instead of letting him sell it to an Umberlant who would desecrate it. I did bargain the price down some, offering a kiss as part of it. Just don't tell Aelthas about that, okay? I would NEVER hear the end of it from him.

    And yes, Luke's a good kisser.