3. Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress

Diary of a Fuzzy Sorceress


  • Entry 38

    I wish I could say that things have quieted down some in the woods with Eggbutt gone, but really there are too many other problems. Like that "burning man" fellow who's burning animals and apparently sent burning skeletons at the south gate and wall. The town almost lost the wall to the fire, I gather.

    I met an interesting hin in the woods. Nice fellow, but clumbsy on his feet. I saved him from a corpse beetle that was chasing him all over the woods.

    Oh, and Thorn's getting better at his magic. Well, relatively speaking. He tried to make some seeds grow to demonstrate to me how he's been doing. And the plants grew. Actually, they grew too well. Vines started to crawl all over me. I managed to slip out of a lot of them but they finally snagged me good.

    So, at least he has found how to tap into his magic. Now he needs to work on control. I'll try to come up with some good pointers for him.


  • Entry 37

    Ugh. I feel sick today, so I decided to just stay in. I don't think it is anything serious. Just a fever and sniffles. I should be back on my feet and getting into trouble in no time.

    Since I had nothing better to do, I took some time to read back through this diary. I haven't really done that yet. I just write out my thoughts and leave it at that. So it's been interesting re-reading what I've gone through. I've come to two conclusions.

    First, I do owe Siri a thank you for the diary. It has been good for me. I expect I will get an "I told you so" from her.

    Second, I really can't bring myself to write about a certain issue I have. All that talk of not hiding, and I still hide. Why can't I bring myself to write it down? It's not like anybody reads this book, right? Am I so afraid that it will get stolen and my secret exposed? Is my guilt so heavy? Or would it really be all that bad if it was exposed?

    The family and friends I have told have all been supportive and understanding. They comforted me and some offered to help. They think I'm a good person and haven't done wrong. But then I hear Nalra's words dig at me. Even though I know he was probably just trying to rile me up, they bother me. I've said similar words to myself.

    And then Benji's initial reaction sticks in my head. Just looking at the facts, it's pretty clear that this is one seriously messed up and crazy situation. He made me realize just how insane I sound.

    I'm hoping Lycka and her tribe's dreamwalker can help. At the same time, I'm afraid to hope too hard. I've already had it happen that I get close to finding a conclusion only to have it taken away.

    Alright, I'm starting to overthink this and it's making my head hurt. Time to sleep for now.


  • Entry 36

    Another fun Fight Night. I took part in the archery contest again. The first round went well for me. The second, however, I was sure I was outclassed. Luke was one of the opponents and I've seen him to be an accurate shot. He was beating me too until his last shot, when somehow the wind steered his arrow off and it missed the target.

    I managed to land third place, which I'm happy for. I got a rough spell crystal as a prize. I've been wanting one ever since I saw RoRo playing with one. Yngdir took second place and Thorn took first. That's the third Fight Night in a row that Thorn claimed the first prize in archery. I have to admit I'm pretty impressed.

    Boxing could have gone better. I was up against Val, who of course wasn't at all distracted by my skimpy outfit. I probably should have unleashed my rage sooner against her.

    Team fights went alright too. I was teamed up with Grog and Val. We at least got third place. Belmar won it for his group; go sorcery!

    Benji's really looking happy. Whoever this Talyna is, she certainly seems like she's a good girlfriend for him I guess.

    I also bought a new necklace! After Fight Night, Luke was showing off a very pretty necklace that looked to be blessed by Selûne. He was looking to sell it and I decided to buy it. I'm sure it'll make Aelthas a little jealous. I probably overpaid for it. However, it's better that I paid extra gold for it instead of letting him sell it to an Umberlant who would desecrate it. I did bargain the price down some, offering a kiss as part of it. Just don't tell Aelthas about that, okay? I would NEVER hear the end of it from him.

    And yes, Luke's a good kisser.


  • Entry 35

    We finally killed Eggbutt. No more troblins. No more funky magics that change people. Of course, other problems will replace him, like Ugog coming back.

    It was quite a nasty adventure in some ways. The last batch of troblins that got sent to attack the town emitted this funky smoke that made us all sick to our stomach. And then we all started rapidly shapeshifting between random forms for a few minutes every now and then. By Selûne, that was painful. Not as painful as what I felt when the Dark Enchantress's collar was removed from my neck, but still quite painful and very unpleasant.

    I really have no desire now to try that polymorph potion to see what another form is like. I'm quite happy with feline.

    Two problems however, upon Eggbutt's death. First, Ugog was wanting to get his old hold back, so I guess we did the work for him. He gave a bunch of ore as a tribute for our work. I gave it to the Union and told Dwin I want it used for the town.

    The second problem is that a certain devil woman showed up after Eggbutt was killed. It took me a moment, but I recognized the face and the red hair. Jerrick's ex-fiance. Or rather, the devil she became. She thanked us for killing Eggbutt too. I think she made off with whatever artifact Eggbutt was using. No good will come of it, I'm sure.

    I'm tired, I'm gonna soak in my hot spring then get to sleep.


  • Entry 34

    Jerrick performed surgery on Danika today. I mean real "cut her open" surgery. You don't often see healers do that, everybody relies so much on healing spells. Ironically, that's sort of what caused Danika to lose her voice to begin with. From what Jerrick told me, she had a sickness as a kid that caused her voice muscles to bleed, like they were wounded. When healing magic was applied, she stretched those muscles the wrong way so the wounds healed wrong. So Jerrick had to cut open her throat and then the voice muscles so that they could be healed the right way.

    It must have been nerve wracking. One wrong slip and she could have died. After everybody left and I was alone with Jerrick, he just slumped against me. He finally let the stress of it all hit him then, I think. I could see his hands shaking.

    To everybody else, he hides behind a mask of strength. Not with me though, he doesn't hide his emotions like he does with the others. He's an open book to me, and I think I am with him too. Part of me wonders, does he show this side of himself to just me, or does Feather see it too?

    That's a loaded question, eh? I think I'll keep it to myself and let it stay unanswered.


  • Entry 33

    Had a nice chat with Celad. As I have commented before, it's nice to see more Selûnites about. Celad was telling me about his life before Narfell. It's interesting to see how we Selûnites seem to be people who don't fit in. I suppose it makes sense when I think about it. It's us people who don't fit in, who are abnormal, who tend to wander. We wander to find a place we do fit in. And Selûne's light guides us.

    Benji, Belmar, and I went out into the woods to help Uljas find some birch. We found plenty of trees, but not birch. After, Belmar wanted to check out a hobgoblin cave because he and some others fought undead in it. The more powerful of the undead escaped by passing through a cavern wall; there's probably something on the other side. What really scared me though, was when Belmar mentioned the undead were using black leaves to bring dinosaur bones to life. And re-reanimate other undead.

    <g>FARK.</g> Jerrick is gonna be pissed to hear this.


  • Entry 32

    I ran into another person who is just discovering sorcery and is having problems coming to terms with it. Zander is his name. He said he was hit by lightning and now has some lightning magic. I need to talk with him further, I got pulled away before I could dispense any useful advice.

    Which reminds me, I need to also find out how Elidor is doing. Every time I have seen him I was too busy to talk with him.

    I wonder if Thorn's doing any better with his magic too.


  • Entry 31

    Jerrick was in a good mood today. I wonder what had him so happy. From talking to Ronan yesterday, I'd have expected to find a grumpy druid. Far from it. Of course he was glad to see me and gave me a nice bottle of Silverymoon Ruby along with a hug.

    Yeah, I could tell Ronan didn't like it. I don't give a damn. I'm hugging him.

    Ronan suggested the three of us go out and patrol the woods. Honestly, it was a good idea. We haven't done anything together in a while. Though I think Thorn was a little put off by me heading off. Now, I know he told me there's a militia woman who's got his interest, but sometimes I wonder if he's actually interested in me. Maybe I'm being silly, but here and there I have noticed him show concern and interest. Bah, it's probably just him seeing me as a good friend.

    He is a handsome elf though.

    So Jerrick, RoRo and I went out to fight hobgoblins. They didn't stand a chance, even the stronger ones. Even Fayt came to lend a paw and jaw. After cutting our way through the hobgoblins we figured to go deeper and see the harpies and wyverns. Again, they didn't stand a chance.

    It was the sudden attack by bullettes that we had us staring death in the face. Three of them erupted from the ground, surrounding us. Jerrick and I pounced at once. They tore into him, wounding him badly. I was afraid of losing him. I wished I didn't push my rage out earlier, it would have been handy then. Still, I fended off two of the landsharks while Jerrick pulled back to heal himself. Ronan's spells were invaluable too. In the end, we came back to town with their shells. Maybe one of the Wolves can try making something out of them.

    Some time after Jerrick and Ronan left, the town gate was attacked by a vampire archer. He was a quick and deadly shot with the bow, his arrows stung with acid. He said he was trying to teach us a lesson. Really, all he's doing is playing with his food. I have to say, Benji can be one fearless fellow. While we all huddled behind the town walls, Benji would pop around the corner, fire off a couple of shots with his crossbow, and duck back as the archer returned fire. I made my way over to him and cast spells on him to help keep him safe. We finally were able to charge at him. We had him on the run, he tried getting away but I finally pounded him into the ground. Unfortunately, he turned right into mist. So we'll see him again.

    As we returned to town, we ran into a gnome who was looking for the archer. Turns out he was another vampire. We chased him around for a bit. He was able to run away though.

    Damn vampires. I think I'll see if I can't get my hands on some scrolls with holding magics. Hold them in place so we can stake them.

    Oh, I gotta remember that Feather wants to talk to me. Maybe I can invite her over to my den?


  • Entry 30

    So RoRo and Aelthas are worried about Jerrick. They think he's gotten too aggressive and proud. Honestly, I do see how he's been more aggressive lately, but I've also seen him try to play peacekeeper. And proud? Not sure about that. It's more like he feels he has to take on the problems of all Narfell. "Like Aramuil does," RoRo said. But it's not the same as Aramuil. He does it out of ego. Jerrick does it because he feels like he needs to and that he's expected to. The problem is that it's stressing him out. And that makes him irritable. I know this because I have sat with him and let him talk out his problems to me.

    And don't hug him? Seriously, I doubt my hugging Jerrick is making him prideful. The hugs are as much for me as they are for him. Deep in my heart I want to do more than hug. I want to kiss. To say, "I love you." To… How does Maya say it? "Drag out to middle of field and have way with." Let me have my hugs, Ro. I may have made my peace with how our relationship is, but that doesn't mean I've stopped loving him any less. And all I can do is hug.

    I don't think anybody except Jerrick and Feather truly understand how much I feel for him.

    My big worry is that RoRo and Aelthas want to have us all sit down with Jerrick and talk to him about all this. Personally, I worry we'll make him shut us out instead.

    Bah. This is putting me in a grumpy mood.

    At least Uljas gave me a few laughs today. I also asked him how Belia feels about him having multiple wives. He says that she's alright with it as long as he asks for her permission before marrying others. That makes some sense. Still not sure how I'd feel.


  • Entry 29

    Another Selûnite! It looks like Aelthas's shrine is attracting more of us. Chae's a sorceress, too. She seems like a decent person, one trying to make a new life. I hope to see more of her.

    I wish that I had more good news to talk about. Telli passed away. She was a dwarven priestess of Chauntea. I didn't know her well, except that she was a very skilled adventurer. Feather told me how they were in the bugbear caverns. Telli wanted to get to some earthern portal, I think. Unfortunately, a rock creature smashed her. She did not answer any of the priests calls to return to the living when Feather and the others brought her back to the temple. After some grieving, Chauntea's presence filled the temple and the goddess gave us some soothing words.

    Farewell, Telli. I barely knew you, but I'm glad for the good that you have done.


  • Entry 28

    I went up to Peltarch. I was hoping to run into Lycka, but I got sidetracked by Thorn. We ran into Troff, Eli, and Alexi then. He's a merchant with bardic talents. Crazy man. He moos a lot during Fight Night. On this occasion, however, he was running around very hyper. Eli said he ate a bag of sugar. He ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and ran. Until finally he passed out.

    Weird man. Really.

    We got back to Norwick, and this chap came up to me asking for a mage. The fellow told me he felt something inside trying to get out. I think he's got sorcery running through him. I offered some advice. Okay, so I took what Attentus taught me and applied it to him. I'll have to follow up and see if I'm right.

    After that, I talked for a bit on Gossip Rock with Thorn and Troff. Thorn's not been doing good with meditating on his magic. He keeps getting distracted by thoughts of a woman he likes. I don't know her well, but from the sounds of it she's a decent elf. I told him he should talk to her. Don't just sit there.

    Fight Night was fun. Lycka showed up! Thorn won the archery. I boxed Uljas of all people. Actually, I did pretty well, I think. I stayed on my feet a lot longer than I hoped, at any rate. After I boxed, I sat with Lycka and told her all about why I wanted her to do a dreamwalk for me. So, that's really all the people that I care to tell about THAT story for now.

    Though I probably will need to tell Arandor, the old Wolf.

    Oh, it looks like Aelthas and Lycka are gonna take me to the Glacier to see someone from her tribe. The woman's supposed to be skilled at dreamwalks.

    Wow, can I finally get this solved?


  • Entry 27

    Some kind of bugbear has been making these weird slime creatures attack the town. Disgusting and annoying. And they make this attack that just hurts all over. Hope we kill that mage soon.

    Speaking of mages, the former chancellor showed up. He's looking as pasty as ever. Uljas unfortunately bowled him over as we were fearing the bugbear mage was sneaking into town invisible.

    Feather talked to me about Uljas, since he mentioned thinking of marrying me someday. She's not sure what I see in him. I think the idea of having multiple wives puts her off too. To be honest, I'm still not looking to marry him. At least not now. Have another tryst? Yes.

    But Feather did make a point about something. I wonder how Belia feels about Uljas chasing other women. I'm sure she's aware he has other wives, so maybe she's okay with it. I dunno.

    Attentus passed away. He had been using a longevity potion to stay young, and his last batch wasn't mixed right. So instead of staying young he was rapidly growing old. I'm sad to see him go, he's done a lot for me. I am honored that he asked to see me one last time before he passed away. I'll cherish my memories of him.


  • Entry 26

    That went well, actually. I think it helped matters that Selûne's blessing finally came to fruition and Aelthas now has full control over the beast. The Senate is letting him out, their fears put to rest. His position in the city's military is still up in the air, but that's for his commanding officer to decide and I suspect he man is a decent fellow and will go with Ael's request to step down from being a Captain, yet still be a part of the Defenders.

    I traveled back down to Norwick. Found yet another person who recalls I used to purr. And unlike the old Wolf, I don't recognize this person. <g>Fark.</g>

    Maya is looking better, but still worn. I wanted to talk to her about my own experience at being mentally controlled, but I think she looked too tired so I didn't. She did ask an amusing question.

    What if Aelthas and I had gotten married? Would our children be cats or dogs?

    I should ask Aelthas and see what his reaction would be.

    Uljas mentioned that Ael told him he would have to pass some tests if he wishes to marry me. I can just imagine what the tests will be too. I know Aelthas went through some rough ones to be allowed to marry Lycka. He won't go easy on Uljas. Not that he's asked me yet.

    I did ask, however, how he feels about my being a werecat and a hexxer. I had a good idea that he wasn't bothered at all by the lycanthropy. He says that he wishes the same rule as with Belia. No turning into an animal while in bed. That got a good laugh from Maya.

    He forgives the hexxing too. "Nobody perfect," he simply replies. As long as I don't cast any hexes on him, he is fine with it. I might hex, but he recognizes my heritage. I can fight like a rager.

    Its interesting how I see sides of people that others easily miss. I'm sure some people would laugh at me if I were to say that Uljas is quite an insightful person. They only see his temper and bravado and dismiss the rest of him.

    I'm still not looking for marraige now. And if he asks I'll tell him honestly. Not now. I want to fix my head first. Give me time.


  • Entry 25

    Hobgoblins and bugbears attacked the south gate of Norwick. We beat them off. One mage got away though. We'll get him next time.

    Right now I'm about to enter the Peltarch Senate chambers. Ronan does think that I should make a showing and reassure the Senate that we were being cautious with Aelthas's condition. Honestly, I'm a little nervous. It's not just being in the city that has my nerves going, but being before the Senate. Swaying one person to your side isn't too bad. Swaying half a dozen or more very opinionated people is. Please Selûne let these people see reason.

    Ah, the guard is waving at me to enter. Let the show begin.


  • Entry 24

    Have I mentioned before that Jerrick knows how to give a very nice massage? Wow.

    No, I don't mean THAT kind of massage.

    I'm glad that my fears of Jerrick and Feather splitting up have been put to rest. Honestly, I think at this point I would feel a bit awkward if that happened. You probably expect that I would be jumping him the instant it happens, but really, I wouldn't. I doubt a relationship with anybody based on the idea of bouncing back from a breakup would have any lasting value.

    Aelthas has confessed to the city Senate about his lycanthropy. For now, they've confined him to the Selunite temple. I do hope they are reasonable about this. Should I try to talk to them? He hasn't asked me to yet, but I feel the need to do something. Maybe I should ask Ronan.

    Maya is better. Well, not under the influence of an evil item at least. She feels ashamed about it though. I'm going to try to sit down with her sometime and tell about my own experiences. Probably just the abridged version.

    Oh, Aelthas revealed something interesting to me. He says that Uljas is considering asking me to marry him. That surprises me. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, because we did have a little tryst. I figured my sorcery would have turned him away from such ideas. But then, I guess I'm not your typical sorceress. Or maybe it's just that I'm pretty enough to ignore the hexing.

    What would I say if he does ask? At this point, I know I don't think I'm ready for that. But what about later? He does have a rugged, animal magnetism that does catch my eye. And he does treat me very nicely. Though I do find he's a bit naive. Actually, that adds an amusing charm sometimes.

    What about the fact that he has eight wives? One of which is Belia. Can I live with that? My own tribe didn't really do that. There were some who did have a couple of wives, but that's it.

    <g>Fark.</g> Where's my wine?


  • Entry 23

    I had an enjoyable boat ride back to Norwick. Val and I talked. She's a bardess. A bit of a skald really. She showed me this wonderful cats eye ring she made for Z. She gave me some good advice for enchanting. I'm sure that it'll cost a fair amount of money for some of the reagents, but I think I really would like to have my own special armor.

    Things were crazy at the south gate of Norwick. This man from Oscura was apparently a friend of the one accused of being a drow. That maybe-drow attacked Aelthas weeks ago, and found out he's a werewolf. So now this friend was warning everybody that Aelthas is a werewolf. I'm sure he was expecting people to be upset, but that was not the case. If anything, people were harassing the Oscuran. Unfortunately, Uljas got put in jail for it.

    I'm still worried about Jerrick. It seems that he and Feather are hitting a rough spot in their relationship. I told him to find her and talk to her. And also harped on him more on giving himself some breathing room. I think my words sunk in a bit.


  • Entry 22

    Getting drunk can be fun when you are in a good mood and you are with good friends.

    Waking up in the middle of the night to an old nightmare afterward, is not.

    Feeling the hangover in the morning, is most definitely not.

    Told Benji the whole story behind the nightmare. He's a good friend, but I think I freaked him out. It made me realize how crazy I sound. Wonder if he really believes me. I gotta end this. Fix my head.

    And thank Benji for sharing that hangover medicine.

    ** There is a scrap piece of parchment tucked in the pages here. Written on the scrap are the following words, "Note to self: Find Lycka and see if she knows about dreamwalking." **


  • Entry 21

    This week had a mixture of bad and good.

    Maya is in trouble. That whip she took from the drow had started to possess her mind. It reminded me too much of when the Dark Enchantress captured me. I hated having to fight Maya to get the whip away from her, but I know it was for her own good. She threatened to call Tempus down on the city afterward. Very much not like Maya. I'll have to make a point to visit her in the city jail. Maybe tell her about my own experiences with such things. At least Lady Daisy says we weren't too late with our intervention. It's gonna take some time for the hold on her mind to let go.

    The other bad crap of the week was having to talk to another person who has similar issues as I do. Issues with the mind, not the heart. Good thing I was in a good mood from Uljas. Otherwise, I probably would have taken offense at the words spoken to me. I wonder what his game is. I'll have to tred carefully on this.

    So what put me in a good mood? Uljas. He really surprised me yesterday. First, I was a bit surprised that his eyes still wander over me. I guess being a hexxer and a werecat are nothing compared to my looks. And then he came up with a new exercise. Picking up a woman, me in this case, and lifing her up and down like weights. Why? Because we're prettier. He didn't stop there though, he ended up running off with me into the woods. Yep, I was literally carried away.

    And that's when he really surprised me. He comes across all rough and such, right? But he's no fool. There's some wisdom in his words. What did I learn from him? A few things. Mostly, that sometimes I just need to throw caution to the wind and let go. Even if for one night worry about myself instead of everybody else. Stop over thinking and let go. Take in the moment.

    It felt good. Really good.

    Now only if Jerrick can stop worrying so much about everybody. It worries me, how much he feels he has to carry the weight of all our problems on his shoulders. I told him so, when I saw him just a little while ago. He disagrees, of course. I guess Feather and I will have to work on that.

    Looking at Jerrick walk off, I realized something. I'm fine. Oh, my heart still aches for him. But it's fine. I can live with it. It is what it is, and I'm happy.


  • Entry 20

    It has been unbearable. I can feel jealousy stirring rage in me. It scares me. I fear hurting people I care about. I fear becoming the monster I was when the Dark Enchantress had me. Most of all, I feel guilty. Guilty that I want what Feather has badly enough that it stirs this rage. I fear hurting her most of all.

    I saw both outside Jerrick's house, tending to a little garden. I laid down at the edge of the trees. I wanted to go talk to them. I wanted to run from them. Instead I just sat, unable to decide. Feather noticed me and decided for me. She came to me. I confessed everything. My feeling guilty, my fears of hurting her, my past with the Dark Enchantress and the lingering scars of that. She listened. She hugged. She brushed aside my fears, reassuring me that I won't hurt her. By my own words she is convinced of that.

    I feel better now. I'm glad I didn't run. Though I don't think I agree with her that I'm the bravest person she knows. I still hide myself too much. I think it's time I did change that. And more importantly, I need to fix myself.

    After that theraputic talk, I ended up hunting gnolls with Val, Rasuil, and Uljas. Before we entered their lands, us spellcasters began to cast our defensive spells. And that's when I remembered, Uljas is wary of hexxers.

    Stop hiding. I decided to make a step in that direction. Besides, he deserved the truth. I respect him. Plus, he handled the fact that I'm a werecat pretty well, considering. He's wary of my hexxing, to be sure. He insisted I don't cast hexes on him, and I promise not to.

    On the other hand, I think I ended up drawing some respect later. While we were fighting, there was one point that we were surrounded by a large group of the dog-faced beasts. I let myself loose. Let my animal insticts run free, let the rage out.

    Looking back, it was odd. I clawed at the gnolls with a strength and fury I didn't know I had. It was rather… liberating. Maybe I should do it a bit more often. If anything, I felt my rage satiated.

    Uljas commented that I haven't forgotten my roots, not even the hexxing will keep me from that.

    I agree. My mother always told me not to hate my tribe for the bullying of me being a half-breed. And I still do not hate them for chasing me out when my sorcery manifested. In the end, they were still family.

    I wish I knew if any were still alive.

    The week ended with me having a drink with Luke, of all people. Sabre's mate, I think. Remember her from Fight Night? Luke comes across as a very happy-go-lucky kind of guy. Though with him being a sailor, I'm sure he's no push-over.

    Note to self: Fear that "Riskey." By Selûne, I'm still feeling the burn of that stuff. Good stuff if you want to knock yourself out for a day.


  • Entry 19

    I should not have participated in that game. Idiot. Yeah, it was entertaining up until it was my turn. Some interesting questions getting asked, with interesting answers. And yeah, Benji and Arandor had good questions for me.

    But Jerrick… what was he thinking? Honestly, I don't think he was thinking. Even he knew it was a bad question after he asked it. "If you could change one thing about a person besides yourself, who and what would that be?"

    <g>F A R K</g>

    I didn't answer it, Benji had another question instead. But I might as well have, I think it was pretty clear what my answer is.

    * The writing on this page is smudged in a few spots from tear drops. *