3. William De Montez Esquire, A Murder Investigation.

William De Montez Esquire, A Murder Investigation.

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    The title of the book doesn't seem to fit on the front cover, but is instead written in full on the first page

    William De Montez Esquire And The Investigation Of The Murder Of William De Montez Esquire, By William De Montez Esquire.

    Entry 1:

    I, William De Montez Esquire, have been murdered. Imagine that! Me, murdered! How extraordinary. The only problem is, I simply have no recollection of who murdered me. I shall question, hunt, track, question, track, hunt and question all I can until I find this murderer!

    Entry 2:

    The locals of Norwick have been rather unhelpful in my search for the killer of William De Montez Esquire (That is, myself, William De Montez Esquire). They grow angry as I ask them for information, it is as if the entire town is made of simpletons! One such woman, who I shall refer to as a green eyed wench, set my book on fire! I demanded compensation and yet she refused, how insulting! The entire town does not quite seem to understand, a killer is on the loose I say, I say!

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    Entry 9:

    Everything is coming together. The play is still in need of a few actors and actresses, though we could do with the amount we have now, it would just be a bit harder to do. I should really count up the roles…

    NB
    FT
    M1
    M2
    PR
    BVDH
    SC

    Yes, yes, yes, yes, I think that is all the parts. Maybe two or three more actors would be good then. As per Val and Wynn's suggestions; think I will ask Alexi and Ethan. Even if Ethan is a bit short for the part.

    In other news, "the project" comes along nicely too. Val is taking part even! I also now have the...thing for the...thing...to do the...things! I know this journal is secret and all, but who knows what prying SPOON PLAYING GHOSTS ARE READING IT! Yes, my wonderful jou- oh wait, this was my book about getting murdered. Should probably get around to finishing that. Think I will write up several different scenarios in which I see it taking place, could help me solve it once and for all.

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    Entry 8:

    Murder. Such a funny word. Not really. It is cold and dead. Reminds me of the insipid Jacques Dumont. Swaggering around in his half buttoned high collared puffy blue shirt like he owns Athkatla! Ridiculous! Who wears a puffy shirt anyway? I have moved on the bigger and better things, like slightly puffy shirts. It is minimalist.

    Bet he is sitting in some class teaching mere children how to finger paint. Hah! Yes, I bet that is what he is doing. No way his art could have taken off. Probably stumble across him one day, and he will beg me, BEG me to write something with him or paint something with him! Not a chance. No sir! No way in the hells. Not letting him steal all the credit again, that, that, that credit stealer!

    Further more, what is the deal with his preposterous accent. I think he just made it up, or he has some kind of speech impediment.

    "Ou Willy-ahm! 'ow dew yew like me nao!"

    I mean, really. To answer that question Jacques, no, no I do not like you then, now or ever.

    One day I will have sweet, sweet, bitter revenge on him. I will invite him over for dinner. Then we he least suspects it….crunch! The middle of his steak is frozen solid! Hah! That will show him. Revenge, a dish best served chilled beforehand. Then I will punch him! Punch him in the ear canals with my wit. Probably be something so witty it will make his brain bleed just trying to think of a come back to it.

    [The rest of the entry drones on and on about puffy blue shirts and about how they're "So last century!"]

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    Entry 7:

    Note to self, never eat cheese before sleeping. I find myself in nightmares running from Professors who intend to spank me with diplomas. I then seek refuge at a local inn, which turns out to be run by pirates. Then I have to strip for their pleasure.

    Why must my past haunt me so!?

    Perhaps one day, one of these dreams will give me insight into my murder, though I fear all hope is lost. The murderer may have gotten away for good. I was so close!

    In an unrelated matter, I often find myself waking up all the way in Norshite with a sore head. There is absolutely no indication of what could be causing this. Perhaps sleep walking? No matter, I think maybe it is the chee- [A few sentences are covered by a large wine stain] - then I stabbed him in the face with a rusty hook! So heroic.

    I really should get out and adventure more, it can only help with my upcoming project, which perhaps even Professor Elidur himself will be taking part in. Though that decision is up to him.

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    Entry 6:

    Due to my coin running low I may have to halt the investigation for some time, perhaps even forget it all together. The head may be a skull by now! Though I have thought of a way to earn coin quite easily. Yes, it is a flawless plan. Nothing could go wrong! I just need to get my payment from Vladimir Kursk, then I may proceed with the plan.

    It will be…amazing.

    A large 'O' has been retraced over and over at the bottom of the page

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    Entry 5:

    This entry appears to be spotted with cheese crumbs and wine stains

    I am a mere hairs width away from a breakthrough in this case. I -must- find a diviner! The sooner I find that second head of mine, the sooner I can examine it for evidence…I will bring some cheap gloves to handle it with if I do find it. Probably swarming with maggots by now...all....eating and....tearing holes through my flesh......those.....fark [The rest of the sentence is covered by a dark red wine stain] Though a few other options have become available. Divining sticks or rods, able to point me in the direction of my head. It is worth a try…I will just have to find them. If only I had divining rods to find...divining rods. I will have to thank Alexi for that idea, should it work.

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    Entry 3:

    Oh I feel so neglectful! I have not updated this in an age. Been rather busy writing songs and tales as a writer, actor, performer and ever dashing writer-actor-performer should! It has been many days and I have yet to find even the tiniest smidgen of any semblance of evidence of this murder. Though I did question the guards further. When they took my corpse in, I had no head, and yet here I am with a head! Does this mean I have another head somewhere? If so, where!? It could be festering with evidence. Festering. Fester. Feast. I am hungry.

    Entry 4:

    Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! An Elvish man named Mari Yuhanna suggested I see a div…Divinator...Diviner....Do..Doctor? Something! Anyway, I will be looking for one of those....people. Then, they will be able to tell me if I have a second head somewhere! Two heads, imagine that! If I find it the whole of Faerun may implode with handsome. If I cannot, then my killer has won. It will be a sad day for justice...and handsomeness.

    A small shopping list is written below this entry

    Wine
    Wine
    Wine
    Wine
    Wine
    Cheese