3. Journals of a Youths Void -- Abigail Anne Uramesy

Journals of a Youths Void -- Abigail Anne Uramesy


  • Why bothing writting anymore? It just appears someone will come along, take my journal and find out everything anyhow. Things are just complicated.

    My father and Merydian are back together, its beautiful and brings a warm feeling to my chest when I look at them together, I used to hate Mery for stealing my father from Doran.

    Now I see her as my mother.

    My real mother, the biggest liar, the worst person I have ever known.

    The reason I started to persue the dark arts, the reason I have this darkness being driven from my weak heart, all reside around her. My Selunite fucking mother. Doran Uramesy, she will be killed, she will be killed using the powers of the shadow weave and she will die a cowards death.

    My father, Mery, Mirk, Evendur they all don't understand the feeling of grasping the powers of the shadows, I am wielding a power that can be so good for me. How come they cannot see?

    I am going to kill her, never the less. I am going the moment I have my connection complete. I am heading to Jiyyd, I am going up to her room, I am shrouding it in darkness and I am blowing her apart. I will freeze her soul, if I could I would bring her body back as an undead, drop her down a well so that she may never rest.

    Mery had a sex talk with me. Why does everyone think Mirkali and I are fucking? I don't get it. I have never even touched him except for poking his arm. Mery also rung his neck.

    I need to learn to control myself as well, my father and Mirkali want me to not use any shadow magic until they have settled things. Well it is a race against them I would reckon. For I am killing Doran the moment I feel complete. After that… I will let my heart choose. It has yet to let me down.

    -Love Abiie


  • Today started off great. I woke up and Syne was actually in the room. It was an odd sight to see, him eating his breakfast. I didn't even think he ate!!

    I got dressed and started to pick up little odds and ends around the room before he left I heard him thank me. I felt good and I feel it was an awesome start to a day. I headed off to get breakfast myself.

    Around highsun I came back to the room, just tired from walking around all day. I started to medidate in the back of his room. An hour or so passed when I heard my stomach growl. I headed off for lunch.

    I grabbed some turkey and warm wine, plus an apple. I headed to the commons to read and eat.

    The commons were farked up, rubble and broken buildings all over the place, the city should at least clean up after the crap that happens in the street.

    Mirkali came by when the sun was starting to go down. I lost track of time, enjoying a good book does that to me.

    I think he has been reading my diary. He keeps commenting about things I have written and the like and he wanted to read it from me. But I would not hand it over, i'm smarter than that.

    but… that son of a bitch is smarter than me. Well maybe not smarter... but more clever.

    He didnt actually read my journal, he just tricked me: I told him about spiking his drink the other day and he just laughed it off...

    the rest of the night... started out to be one of the best times i've ever had viewing the lake, but slowly turned depressing.

    When I got back to Syne's room, I asked if I could have some of his vanilla pipeweed, he gave me a slight amount and I just spend the rest of the night thinking.

    How am I to know what love is? When people just don't want me falling in with them?

    • Abiie

  • Am I a bad person? I can't help but think I did something wrong.

    Mirkali took me the other day to look at the big cats near Peltarch, I wanted to see a lion. We had some exotic fruit and drank some fine wine. Eventually I saw my first lion, though it was killed by a guard I took one of its teeth.

    I think i might use it to make a necklace, I don't know.

    I headed to Syne's room and went to bed, he actually had a nice meal for me when I came home, I told him… not in great detail, about what happened and went to bed. I awoke and headed out to the college to try and catch him before he woke up.

    He wakes up early, we was headinc back to the college when I started writting this entry. I closed my journal and he took me to see orcs, I never saw them. He started to teach me how to fight, it was a good time.

    We headed to Jiyyd and this is where I did something horrible.

    I spiked his drink with Black Vevlet, I figured he would kiss me if he was feeling the effects of that drink, I know how it makes you feel and I wanted to kiss him when I was drining it.

    He kept rubbing against me, without his shirt on just grumbling and making noise. I asked him to kiss me but… I couldnt.

    I backed away and I felt bad about tricking him like this. I knew what I wanted but I couldnt go through with it. He eventually released my legs from his hug and I placed a few blankets on him, he fell asleep and I rested my head upon his chest.

    When he woke up it just seemed like every other day, but I have a guilt in me, and he is tricky... I don't know if he remembered last night or not. Today may be a slow... slow day. I don't think i'll spend it with him, perhaps with Syne. I'll help him with some paperwork or something, I don't know.

    Sadly yours, Abiie.


  • Today started off as they usually do. I woke up and Syne wasnt within the room. He is never there when I wake, but always there at night when I come back, usually he has fruit and wine to snack on when I return too, mm, anyway. I woke up and headed out.

    The city was as it usually is, a bit slow and quiet, people afraid to leave their homes unless they have too, cowards.

    I was reading and writting all day within the commons and Barrim came up. He wanted to know why I burned a note he gave me and I said I was just angry at the time. I don't want Syne or my father to be arrested. I refuse to speak of their fight.

    I convinced Barrim I wanted to get someone a gift and he bought me my OWN black velvet, maybe Syne will have a gobblet with me later. That would be nice, I hardly ever see him.

    Meril came up to me later, he told me Eowiel wanted to speak with me. I found out she is very ill, Mirkali was in the college as well. We all were talking in Elvish, (we didnt know Mirkali doesnt understand it). Eowiel told me that the Shadow Weave was a horrible thing to have access to. I'm getting sick of people telling me that its bad.

    She even brought up Callendal. That made me a bit angry. Than they kept making fun of me for having a crush on Mirkali. I don't think im going to give up my gift… i'm going back and forth, I don't like it.

    I was thinking perhaps there is some sort of magic that can make me age a few years, that way Mirkali might look at me differently.

    Whatever, i'm going to share a gobblet of elven wine with Syne. Tonight there is no moon.


  • So much is wrong right now.

    I was with Mirkali in the commons and he asked me if I would like to go somwhere to have a drink with him, common for the two of us really. It was starting to just become something to do every tenday.

    We headed to the bathhouse and he bought me a bathing gown. It is a bit big on me, but i'm sure to grow into it.

    He asked me what I wanted to drink and showed me everything he had, he had a beautiful black bottle at the bottom, hidden away. I picked it and he told me not to drink from it. I took a taste with my pinky and… it sent a shiver up my spine, my legs felt tingly and... it was addictive. I took a sip from it and he took the bottle quickly away from me.

    Thats really... the last thing I can remember clearly, I recall water, rubbing, sensations and just... new things I cannot write, they were... amazing.

    When I woke up i found myself in Mirkali's bed, my tunic was off and he was sleeping on the floor. I quickly clothed myself and he woke up, he started to tell me how things got bloody after it was my first time...

    then how I confessed my love to him.

    I found out he was just jesting me, we didnt sleep together but I freaked out, I felt odd and told him I was happy that at least it I slept with someone I loved.

    fark me.

    He found out that I loved him, that I love him.

    He at first looked... dissapointed, but walked me outside and told me he didnt want to be involved in a relationship, that his last girlfriend killed herself, and the one before ran away with a demon or some shite.

    Just because is almost 30 and I am almost 16 means nothing to me, what are a few years?

    I might give up my gift for him... for him . she writes again, harder on the paper

    Though time is still against me, now I have more to worry about, it's going to be odd seeing him…

    --Love Abiie.


  • I'm really loosing what I have been trying so hard for. My headaches are slowly getting easier and easier to deal with except… Im starting to have second thoughts about my gift.

    Mirkali, a bard I have been sharing a room on and off with when I want a break away from Syne is...

    There is something about him, he just brings a weird feeling to me. He... made me not want to use my dark magics, instead... I think I want to do something else with my life. I am starting to find joy in things I never used too.

    I never liked music, ever since my bitch of a mother betayed me, but listening to him playing is... is good.

    Is this love? I doubt it, love would be more direct. Or would it?

    How would I know anyway. I'm 15. Well, almost 16 I guess. Maybe I should seek a Sunite or tell Mirkali. But he probably has older, more quote developed unquote woman he would rather fall in love with anyway. I should stick to men my own age.

    Though only time will figure this out. My head hurts from some ale and weird black drink I had earlier last night. I'm going to lay down

    • Love Abiie.

  • Dear diary, today is the first… ugh, full moon.

    I am starting to become home sick. I love Synes residence and I am lucky to have it for the morning, but I think I might just want a change of pace for a little. Sir Syne appears to really like me, he thinks im quiet and neat.

    Which I am.

    I might send a note to Mister Mirkali and ask to stay with him for a little, though he says I can trust him I really don't know. My headaches are getting really annoying but I think my mind is starting to work her weave into it finally.

    I will just stay strong, not much else to write about. Syne has been too busy to write about and I cannot really leave his room for fear I will be noticed. I think I will send Mirkali a note. It should be neat.


  • Dear Diary…

    Tis the week of [December 13th, 2004], and today I woke up and put on my clothes. I bought a few extra robes and a few more layers of cloth to cover up my face now for when I go outside, this way I can still read in the chill wind and not have to worry about anyone taking me away.

    I saw Sir Syne talking to Eowiel in the commons when I sat down, I nay wished to bother him when he is with her. She knows about my secret and like all the others is a threat. I wish my father never figured out…

    After Eowiel left Syne signals me secretly to leave the gates with him. I thought that was kind of fun, I felt like some sort of spy or smuggler. He brought me into the Nars and talked to me a bit about some things called Umberhulks.

    He turned me invisible, and then himself. He then casted another odd spell and the ground below where he was standing sunk a bit. I felt a very large, odd tenticle like thing tickle my cheek. I giggled quietly though a bit nervous as to what it was

    At first I thought it was his... but it wasn't i'm sure of that

    What felt like a large pincer lifted me gently into the air and placed me upon his back, (or I think so?) and he started to carry me through the Nars. When we got closer to Norwick I saw what he had turned himself into. I almost pissed my pantaloons with that, it was so massive and… disgusting.

    He turned himself invisible which helped me not to think about what I was riding and we reached Norwicks gates, it was raining in the town and above me it appeared as if something was blocking out the rain. I feel it was Sir Syne's hand, or... what he turned into's hand. I think he really cares for my safety if he would do such a little thing as keep the rain from hitting me.

    We walked into the graveyard and he walked me into some underground tomb. It was damp and icky feeling inside, with these "Damned spirits" as he called them. They made ghastly noises which i'm sure to probably have nightmares about tonight...

    Anyway, we got lost in a maze undergr-OH! it appears she scribbles out part of her entry

    There was this large monster that Syne said was protecting the city under us from some sort of threat. Behind it was some evil looking alter surrounded by angry tenticles. It was a marvelous sight to behold!

    We got lost in this maze underground in trying to find the enterance to the city. Syne was only in the city several times so didnt know his way around, but we found it eventually. It was a beautiful city which appeared to be going through some sort of large construction project.

    I saw this tunic that was beautiful. (womens - unseen). It was made of some very fine velvets and i wanted to purchase it. Though it was 60 coins and I only have 120 left. A bunch of which I owe Natanya for supporting me.

    We walked back to the surface and Syne told me a story about how people are calling him a monster or some sort of demon, I don't believe that. He is too nice of a person to be anything bad, and I frankly enjoy living in his quarters.

    I think i'm going to light some scents for him to enjoy when he returns from Norwick. Perhaps some vanilla. He has a sensitive nose so i'm not going to light to much. I think I might even clean his quarters, just to sort pay for me renting out part of his room.

    Abiie Uramesy-