3. Pavels Diary

Pavels Diary

  • V

    … with my eyes closed
    I opened my eyes.

    I don't really know why. The pain had been cruel, brutal. I had been dead - again.

    Once again, I had made a horrible tactical decision. Allowed the anger, the hatred to control me. Follow the bugbear. Should have turned away with the loot. They came in force, from everywhere. Too many. Far too many. By the time I realized that, it was already too late. I had relied on my defenses. Had relied on things that were no longer truth.

    A momentary distraction was all it took. The spell broke my will. And I watched, helpless how they hacked away at me. Lightning struck me. Swords, too. Triani and Linn tried their best to help. But they just prolonged the pain. And then it was over.

    My eyes had closed.

    Everything had been as Rowan promised. Seemingly endless pain. Enduring till the very end. And death the resolution. The final answer. The only answer. The only truth.

    Was it?

    When I crossed over, there was little enough reason to draw me back. I dreamt the weirdest dream, dreamt of offers. Of crossings of paths. Redemption. Temptation. Power. Wishes. And swords. Huge swords.

    I still have troubles believing it. Honestly trusting in it. But I just listened for once. And already I've learnt answers to questions that bothered me for a long time. The difference between dawn and sunrise. It was laid out before me as easy and as simple as opening a book and reading.

    I asked questions. Long for answers. And I'm afraid of the burden I was given. The gift? A wish is a treacherous thing. And I wonder what the true price will be for this. Tyr? Or demons? Armies of light. And of dark? Pain. Suffering. Good. And evil.

    I had wanted no part of this.

    I stand in the middle of the pass, now. War might be breaking out again between the camp, and the cities. Nothing is simple. It won't ever be the same. But for some reason I feel more at peace than for ages. I'm standing at a crossroads. I chose my path from here.

    Thank you, Triani. Thank you, Linn. Thank you, Hedia.

    The warmth of dawn reaches with light, tender fingers for me. Brushes over me. For a moment, I wonder why such a simple answer has always eluded me. Then I cease to think, and simply watch and listen.

    As the sun finally rises, I hold my breath and think of her.

    Now, I'll close my eyes.