3. Marie's Diary - Notes of a travelling hin

Marie's Diary - Notes of a travelling hin


  • The Twentyfirst of Nightal, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Well, the last few days have been much better. I got to spend some time with Linn and Adelie, and that always means some good training and coin.

    We started with the orc cave, the one where they have those nasty spellcasters and the elf slayer? Well, Caldor joined us for that one, and his bow was very helpful. It got hairy at times, but I think we all worked well together.

    At one point, Adelie rushed a spellcaster who had thrown up a tentacle field. She got hit by one of the tentacles and get held in place, unable to move. Seeing that she was in trouble, I ran in and knocked the caster over. I kept him on the ground and pummeled him until he died. Adelie was able to get back and into things again, but her thanks afterwards reassured me that I was right in acting as I did.

    Whilst we were in there, we came across a vein of copper. Adelie took some time to mine it, and we headed back to town, our packs full of loot and ore.

    We spent a while in town after that… Adelie practiced her weaponsmithing and Linn and I chatted about things. Caldor headed off to get some rest, seems he was pretty tired. He certainly wasn't his bubbly, normal self, it was like something was bringing him down. I do hope that he doesn't let the set-back of his death the other day keep him down too long.

    Linn's been able to spend time with Kama lately, and is feeling a lot better for it. I'm glad for her, I remember how hard it was for me to not see Alexi whilst he was out of town. You always worry about them, trying to think the best but fearing the worst. It's like the gods knew the joy that partners can bring to one another, and so they put doubt in the hearts of mortals to offset it.

    I don't doubt Alexi's intentions, nor his actions. Never have. But I still worry about what if something were to happen to him. He's a gentle soul, but when things really go badly, if he's alone? I'm not sure he can get himself out of trouble.

    Anyway, we were in town for maybe a day, and then Adelie and Linn wanted to head out to the ogres for some exercise. So we packed ourselves up and headed out again, but this time I stopped by Lennys and got myself a ring that absorbs fire. I am NOT going to be caught out like I was last time, and the absolute last thing I need is to be fried to a crisp.

    Once we got there though, the difference between how the three of us work together, and how I've worked with others became very, very apparent.

    Adelie ripped the ogres apart like they were training dummies. Linn stayed hidden and buffed her with spell after spell, whilst I joined in where I could and grabbed all the loot that I could see.

    It felt glorious to come out of there alive and knowing that we had triumphed over them again. So much better than my last two trips out there. There were no unpleasant surprises, no big problems. I'm getting closer to where I was before I fell, I can feel it. My body is starting to speed up again, my reflexes are getting sharper... soon I'll be back in full fighting condition.

    And yet, the road goes on forever ahead of me.


  • The Twelth of Nightal, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Well, I almost died again… but this time it was due to no fault of my own, nor anyone elses... rather it was just a very, very tough situation.

    I was out with Adelie, she wanted to go to the Kobold caves. I hadn't told her yet about how I fell, I decided to instead jump straight back into it and do my best to not let that one mistake hold me down.

    So we made our way in, and had cleared the first section when we heard a loud rolling of thunder, and the ground shook as if something very powerful was moving.

    We headed out of the cave to try and see if we could work out what was causing it, and down to the south, above the crossroads and the hole that was Sam's Hill, we could see a huge bank of billowing, grey and black clouds. Lightning flashed, thunder roared, and there were even blasts of fire!

    Adelie wanted to check it out, so I tagged along, figuring that at the least I could stand at the back and take notes as she did her thing.

    When we got down there, it seemed as if others had come to investigate the storm as well. Raul was there, and so was Belia, and Caldor. The wind was howling, the rain was bucketing down, and I felt we were lucky to not get hit by the lightning or the strange fire bursts. But the strangest thing was that the storm seemed to be summoning elemental spirits from somewhere, and they were not happy about our presence there.

    We were attacked again and again... I was hit several times by a fire spirit and had to step back and heal myself or I would have fallen.

    Eventually we found what we thought was causing the storm, a druid who was the one calling the spirits out. He told us that he and his circle were under attack by a cabal of red wizards, and he told us that if we took them out for him that he would dismiss the storm.

    The others seemed to think this a fair deal, so we followed his directions and headed to the north and west, towards the gnoll woods. As we got closer, we could see that there were elemental spirits there too, but the spirits of air and water were fighting the spirits of fire.

    There was a red wizard there as well, he was the one controlling the fire spirits. Adelie led the charge in to battle. I'm not sure how or why it happened, but we were outclassed. Belia, Raul, Caldor and Nora all fell... I almost fell but retreated to heal myself. I was able to bring Nora back from the brink with a healing berry, and Raul seemed to get up a few moments after he stopped breathing, full of vigor and life. Adelie herself was bleeding really badly, but we defeated the wizard and headed into the woods after I took the bodies of the fallen, and their goods, up to the legion tower for safe keeping.

    As we were about to head in, Theon came down the path. We explained the situation to him, and he quickly joined us, hoping to end a vile threat. So together with our numbers reduced and our resources dwindling, we walked into whatever was awaiting us.

    At the entrance of the woods, we were confronted by several red wizards. Adelie asked to speak with their leader, and so she was led away to negotiate.

    Raul stalked after her, staying out of sight of the wizards with the intent of watching her back. He came to us after a few minutes, and motioned for us to move forward, but stay out of sight.

    When we got close enough, we could hear the negotiations. Adelie agreed with the wizards that we would help them defeat the druids! Turns out that the druids were followers of Talos, and so they too were evil.

    Unsure of why the turnabout in our plans, I silently followed the others and joined the mages in their defensive position, waiting for the druid attack that they knew was imminent. We didn't have to wait long... they attacked one at a time with their elemental spirits. And one at a time, we defeated them.

    Then, when the wizards thought all was done and dusted, Adelie turned on them and called for us to do the same.

    We defeated them as well, and once we stood triumphant over them, Adelie explained that she gave her word to both sides, and kept it as well, intending on defeating both foes to remove their evil from the land. She's a crafty one, and it's thinking like that that Brandobaris would be proud of.

    Once we had gathered their things, we made our way to the Legion Tower, and Theon was able to bring back both Belia and Caldor. Then, we split the meagre posessions that the wizards and druids had, and parted ways. I was able to get the mage's staff, and a belt with some alchemical properties, as well as a few potions and a weird helmet.

    I gave the staff to Alexi as a present... I figured it might help him drum up some business. The belt I gave to Siril, as it was something that was right up his alley. The helm, well, I gave that to Alexi to sell, I figure he might be able to find someone who wants it.

    I felt bad that the others fell the way that they did, but at the same time I'm glad that I didn't. Even if my actions in some way contributed to their deaths simply because I didn't stand and fight when I knew I was in over my head, I don't regret it. I doubt that they would have even thanked me for standing my ground and dying.

    Dying without a purpose earns me nothing, so why do it?


  • The Fifth of Nightal, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    No need to worry about anyone else getting me killed, I can do that all by myself.

    I was in town here and ran across Linn. She wanted to go hunting in the kobold caves for scrolls and what have you, and to give Creampuff some time out.

    So we headed out, and things were going pretty well. We got to the big room, and for some reason I still can't work out, I ran in alone, without planning what we were doing, or how we would do it, or anythign at all.

    Waiting for me was six kobold spellcasters.

    I think the last thing I remember before I died was my eyeballs melting in their sockets from the acid arrows that I had been perforated with.

    When I woke up, I was in the temple in Peltarch. Linn was there… she brought me back.

    I'm glad she survived. She told me that she managed to take them all out with a single spell. One single spell.

    I died, because I didn't wait for her to cast one spell.

    In the history of the world, I'm not sure that there's been a single hin fist monk who has done something as blatently stupid as I did, with no reason for it, and no understanding of why they did it. If I was doing it for honour, or vengeance, or Mama's homemade custard tarts, then that would be acceptable. Not brilliant, but at least there would be a reason.

    Instead I died and reduced myself for no reason that I can come up with. Definitely a low point in my career, I can say that without a doubt.

    Maybe in future I'll be a bit more careful.


  • The First of Nightal, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    I had my first trip out to the ogres in more than a month today… it went about as well as I had expected, meaning that we all nearly died.

    I was in the commons with Raul, Caldor and Devlin. Caldor wanted to go out and test his bow against them, Devlin agreed and Raul declined. I decided to go with them to help as I could, not that I can face them alone at all.

    It started off well enough. We snuck past the giants and manticores, over the bridge and into the caves where the traps are.

    I could still see where Marty had marked them from before, so it was no issue for me to step around them. We took out a few ogres before we got to the first turn in the tunnel, where the raised stone platform is.

    And that's where it all fell apart.

    The plan was that Devlin would rush into melee and keep them focussed on him whilst Caldor peppered them with arrows, and I did whatever I could. We executed it as planned, but the ogre shamans have learnt a few new tricks that really turned the tables. Spells flew in the air around us, and they kept setting me on fire!

    Sooo not impressed with that.

    In the end, Devlin and Caldor ran for their lives, and left me perched alone up on the stone platform, surrounded by ogres.

    DEFINITELY not impressed with that.

    Once I had gotten out (thanks to a potion of invisibility) I sought out Caldor. I hadn't seen either his, or Devlin's bodies, so I assumed they lived. I was right, thank goodness.

    Caldor apologised for leaving me behind. Seems he thought I was in front of him... and yet he didn't stop to wonder why all the ogres were leaving him and Devlin alone. He gave me a few potions to replace some of the ones I had used to survive as way of recompense, and we parted on good terms.

    I don't think I'll be going up there with anyone except for Linn and Adelie anymore... I just can't trust others to be wise in how they do things. That's the second trip up there in a row that has proven too dangerous for anyone to be able to handle, and the second time I've almost fallen there because I trusted the words of another.

    Next time I might not be so lucky.


  • The Seventeenth of Uktar, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Somewhere between Oscura and Peltarch on a boat
    Weather: I'm in an underground water cave, so I have no idea

    Well, I finally gave up on waiting for Myeil to finish my boots and bought myself a set from Yuki. They reduce my defences against magic a bit, but for now I really need that boost to my dodging. I'm sick of getting hit by monsters, and every little bit helps.

    While I was down there seeing her, we chatted about this and that. She asked how the soup kitchen was going, how my training was moving along, what I hoped to achieve, and so on. Hearing where I was at with my training, she smiled as if coming to a decision that she was pleased with, and reached down into a crate below the bench. She pulled out what looked to be a belt wrapped in linen.

    She said that I had finally earnt it… and in exchange for my brown belt, and a little bit of coin, she would give it to me.

    I nodded and unclipped my belt, trusting her, as well as the coin she asked for. She in turn unwrapped the new belt, walked around her bench and presented it to me with a bow.

    A black belt.

    I wasn't sure if I would ever be worthy of one. My master back home has one... he said that the day I earnt my own I could consider myself worthy of taking on a student, if I wish it.

    It's a little larger than the brown belt. It's wider, the leather is tougher, and it has markings inscribed on it around it's length. Yuki tells me that they are Kara-turan symbols for strength, agility, perseverance, and wisdom. In this way, they help to symbolise what it is that the wearer of the belt must have in order to be worthy of wearing it, and to warn others of what it is they face should the wearer be provoked into action.

    I know she might just be having me on... using a confidence scam to get coin out of me, but I don't think so. She's always seemed genuine with me. I think part of it is because she knows of the good I do with the Sisterhood, and also partly out of respect, from the fact that I continue the old ways that she knows from her homelands when so few do.

    I also stopped into the odds to get some more fruit and berries. He keeps offering me drugs, which I always decline to look at, let alone purchase. There's something creepy about that old man, the way he looks at me, the way he talks... it's like he's looking right through me and seeing something else.

    Guess that's what happens when you sample too many of your own wares.


  • The Fourth of Uktar, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    I've just spent the last few days with some young adventurers, helping them get a start. It was nice to be able to relax a bit and take on something simple for a change.

    Siril was there. Apparently he was the one who raised the alarm about the attack on the gates that Alestra was part of the defense of. He got hit by a huge beetle and had to run for his life… spent several days and nights resting up in the Grapevine to recover his strength.

    He's got a scar from the attack, as well as an irrational fear of beetles. Hopefully he also got some wisdom from it as well.

    I also saw Ghorag again... he's a young half orc who's very simple, but he means well. He's very easily led though, so I hope he doesn't fall in with the wrong crowd.

    The third and last young adventurer in our little group was a female hin called Akai. Apparently she's from Oscura and has decided to try the life of an adventurer.

    We sat around the southern campfire together, chatting for a while, getting to know one another before I suggested that we go out. Giving them all some healing potions and some defensive ones as well, for "just in case", we headed out the hole where the gate used to be, and went east to the graveyard path.

    There, Siril got to confront some beetles. He went pale, and seemed to panic a little, but we defeated many of them and he didn't take a single scratch. From there we moved on to the graveyard, and then the old Norwick ruins.

    We worked together well, with Ghorag taking the melee position and Akai and Siril using ranged. I lent them some of my ranged weapons to make things a bit easier for them, I think it did just that.

    When we had finished, several days later, they all seemed tired but happy at their accomplishments. No-one fell, and no-one took any really bad injuries.

    Only drawback was the cost in potions... probably a thousand gold worth spent, but I think it was well spent coin, and it's not like I struggle to earn it nowadays. There's just not that much for me to buy, asides from potions. Maybe I need to look at giving more to the Sisterhood. I've already given ten thousand gold this year, but the coffers are lower than I'd like them to be.

    After we finished, Siril and Akai went to get some rest, and I went to the Silver Valley to restock on the potions that I had given out. Ghorag came with me, so I bought him some nice things. A Fenberry pastry, a lollipop, a toy wind up soldier, and a new outfit that suits him much better than his old one. He was so happy, like all his birthdays had come at once.

    Doing things like that always makes my heart glad.


  • The Thirtieth of Marpenoth, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    After a tenday or more of trying to find the time, and locate her, I've finally caught up with Alestra.

    Apparently there was a massive series of attacks on the southern wall at Norwick. Four nights in succession there were foul beasts and their masters trying to gain entry, and for four nights they were beaten back.

    I was lucky (or is that unlucky) enough to get there as the fighting finished and the corpses had been taken away to be burnt on pyres. And there was Alestra, standing alone in the middle of the ruins of the southern gate, guarding the town.

    By herself, after four days of guarding and four nights of fighting.

    She was exhausted. I offered to take her place, but she refused, stating that it was her duty, that she had to do this regardless of how tired she was. So instead I stayed with her to talk.

    We spoke of the Rift River Chasm incident… what had led to her harsh words, why I reacted the way I did, and what happened after that. I also told her of my father, and my mother.

    That was hard. Opening up to someone who had hurt me like she did, sharing intimate details of my past. Telling her of that hurt, the pain I feel whenever I think of home.

    I also told her my story. How I came to be in Narfell, what happened in the first few years of me being here, and how I met Alexi. I think she needed to hear the truth, and to know why it is that he and I are so close. She doesn't understand as far as I can tell, but she accepts that it is, and that's a good start.

    She doesn't know how I long for him, but that's something that I keep between me, Alexi, and my diary. No-one else knows, and no-one else will ever know.

    But... even with everything I shared with her, it didn't seem to affect her very much, if at all. It's like she took it in, processed it, and stored it for access later if needed.

    She also confided in me that she did things that are against the teachings of her god, Torm. She called Lia's soul to this plane and allowed it to speak through her, she interceded for Lia with Correlon Larethian...

    She fears that she will lose her paladinhood for these actions. And she says that she took them because she loves Alexi and me, more than she has ever cared for anyone else before.

    But... we never asked her to do these things. I know I didn't, and Alexi says that he didn't either. I know that Alexi was beginning to move on from the pain of losing Lia in such a way, and I know that I had. Whilst her death was still senseless, and tragic, her soul was gone and could not return. We mourned her, and then we move on with our lives, and never forget her.

    Instead she's been returned to us, without her memories, by one who by her own admission should not have done it. If she feels that way, then perhaps she shouldn't have done it...

    But I'm not sad that Lia is back. I'm still struggling a bit with it, but I'm glad for what it means for Alexi, and for what it means for Lia. I wanted her to be able to have a fresh start, and now she truly has one. She can be anything she wants to be, with no ties to the past.

    Now I can help her, like I wanted to months ago and never got the chance.


  • The Eleventh of Marpenoth, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Sunny

    I looked back over my last diary entry… I can't remember writing it, but it sheds a little more light on what happened for me.

    I remember seeing Lia at the Mermaid (which is where I am now). I remember having a meal with her. But what I don't remember is what happened after that.

    I must have run to the secret grotto, because that was where Alexi found me. It was also where I wrote that I was, for my last entry. I think I must have snapped, lost my mind for a time, or something similar.

    Alexi has told me that when he found me, I was running around naked, splashing in the water and acting as if I was a penguin. He tried to speak to me, but I ignored him... and when he approached me, I ran off, squaking.

    Apparently he managed to calm me enough so that he could approach me, and used his dust on me to bring me back to my senses. Turns out that I buried my clothes in the sand before I started swimming... so I dug them out, shook as much sand out of them as I could, and got dressed, very very embarrassed.

    We talked for a time... he told me that Lia was back, that he was there when she returned to the living at the Temple of the Triad. He's not 100% sure that what has come back is Lia, but for now he's going to watch and wait. I'm not convinced that she's not a doppleganger, or a demon that's come back in Lia's form to do some kind of horrible evil, but I trust Alexi, and if he tells me that she is most likely who she says she is, then I'll wait until something proves otherwise before acting.

    We went back to town after that, apparently Alestra was the one who initially thought something might have been wrong with me. She told Alexi and Linn that I was missing, and then Alexi made her stay behind whilst he looked for me.

    I'm glad he did, I think that things would have only gotten worse had she found me before he did. But, that's caused more problems now. Alestra was horribly upset when we came back, so much so that she swore at Alexi, told him that she was through being a doormat for other people, she was sick of people using her and abusing her...

    I don't know where she got that idea from. She says that I go off at her when she tries to do something for Alexi, and that Alexi goes off at her when she tries to do something for me... I honestly have no experience as to what in the hell she's talking about. But I guess when you're feeling emotionally drained, you say and do some weird things.

    I sat with Juli in the inn, chatting a little and sharing a drink whilst Alexi and Alestra tried to sort through things. The two of them went upstairs for a time to chat, and then she stormed out of the inn, Alexi following her with a very upset look on his face.

    We waited for maybe ten or fifteen minutes, and they didn't return.

    So, feeling drained from everything that happened, I went upstairs to have a bath and get my clothes washed, then have a nap. I was covered head to toe in sand, my clothes were full of sand, I think I even swallowed some sand.

    I've done all that now, and I'm waiting for Alexi to come back, so I can give him a hug and a rubdown, and see how things went with Alestra. I'm worried about him. He cares so much, putting himself in the way of all their hurts, taking it on himself to try and help them become better people, to learn from their mistakes... and so often it gets thrown back in his face.

    He told me that what Alestra said, out on the edge of the Rift River Chasm, was her way of trying to cheer me up. I don't know why she thought that it would cheer me up, but if that's the case, then maybe she really just needs to learn how people work. If she actually does care about me, maybe Alexi is right and she needs our help.

    In any case, I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with Lia being back. It's not something I was prepared for, nor is it anything that could normally happen within the bounds of the laws of the universe. Seems like the gods have interferred again for her... I just wish I knew why it is that they are so willing to do so much for one such as her.

    Sometimes I think I'd rather be back on the farm with my family, even with all the heartache and hard labour that that entails. At least life was simpler then, and I didn't have to worry about such confusing and difficult situations.

    But then I wouldn't have met Alexi.


  • ((This entry has been scribbled a lot more hastily and wrecklessly than the others preceeding it))

    The Ninth of Marpenoth, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: A secret grotto (Not telling)
    Weather: Warm and dry

    Well, after my last entry, guess what happens?

    Lia's back.

    I don't know how, or why, but I'm not sure I can deal with it. After everything I went through when I lost her, after all the pain and sorrow and heartache… not to mention what it did to Alexi...

    She said that she woke up in the Temple of the Triad, and that she doesn't remember anything before that except for her name. Alexi was there, and he told her some things, filled her in apparently. But he hasn't told her everything, left things out. Hurtful things. Shameful things.

    When I saw her, I almost ran out the door of the inn. There's a part of me that doesn't believe that it's really her. She's dead... I know it for truth. She was buried, her soul would not return. She committed suicide, for goodness sake, on an altar to her god. I'm not sure how much more dead you can get.

    But... there she was, standing in front of me, looking scared. So instead I took her over to the bar and ordered her a meal, and we sat and talked.

    Maybe I'm going crazy. Having a meal with a dead person.

    In the end, she went back upstairs to rest, and I came here. I need to think, and writing helps me do that, helps me steady my thoughts and my hands.

    I'm just not sure how much more of this I can handle. I thought I was getting better, I had my plans all sorted out, my ideas and my way forward organised... and now I sit and eat pancakes with a dead woman.

    She wasn't very hungry, which isn't surprising really. Never seen undead need to eat anything... well, they do want brains, but I think that's just an animal instinct kind of situation.

    Maybe she's a doppleganger, sent by someone to try and drive me insane? I wonder who it could be. Maybe Dietrick did it, to get back at me for trying to teach him to be more wise... heh, he learnt something then I guess, not that this was what I wanted to teach him.

    Well, next time I see that doppleganger, I know just what to do.

    Punch punch, bye bye doppleganger!


  • The Seventh of Marpenoth, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Cold and windy

    Things just seem to be going from bad to worse. Death surrounds me, and anger, and violence.

    I travelled north to Peltarch from the Grapevine, and stopped in the commons to catch up with some friends. Linn was there, and we started chatting about this and that. It was nice to see her again. After maybe half an hour of that, there was a flash of light and a loud boom, then a female mage appeared in the middle of the commons. Some people were on the ground, others were stunned, or deafened, or a combination of the three. I myself was stunned and deafened for a time… which did not impress me in the least.

    The mage then giggled, and strolled over to flirt with someone she knew, as if nothing had happened! Seems that she's known for doing this sort of thing, and yet the town officials who were there, and were affected by it, did nothing other than warn her that she couldn't keep appearing like that. The mage then pranced around, laughing about how she couldn't go to jail, and that there was nothing they could do about it.

    I don't know what made me angrier, that she did such a reckless and stupid thing, or that the guards ignored the rules they have sworn to uphold simply because she is a mage. If Ludo had done such a thing, they would have thrown him in jail without a doubt. But for some reason, this Leanna character is above the law.

    I went into the Mermaid after that, thoroughly disinterested in watching her continued display of defiance. Alestra followed me in, and tried to cheer me up. After a while, Alexi showed up as well, and he did his best. Anyway, soon thereafter, we headed out to get him some deadwood for his crafting.

    I gave Alexi something I'd put together for him: a picnic basket with food and drink that he enjoys, a blanket, cups, and cutlery. He initially seemed surprised and disinterested, said that we could go out on a picnic if I wanted to...

    it was a surprise for him, a gift. I thought he'd be happy to receive it, and that he would see the thought and effort that went into it. I scoured the realm for the goods in that basket. I fought the kuo-tua for the nuts. I defeated the kobolds for the wine. I travelled to the Valley and hunted down fresh Fenberries. I returned home and baked fresh apple pastries. I even got some fresh springwater for him. It took me days to organise it all.

    Instead, he deferred to me, to ask if I wanted to do something with it. Maybe I really have bollocksed things up for good. Anyway, he put the picnic basket away in his storage chest for the time being, and we continued west to the orc plains.

    The orcs fell to my fists as they always do. Alexi took too many hits, as he always does, and Alestra seemed determined to punish each orc she hit for something that was on her mind.

    We continued north until the plains were silent, then she revealed to us that she has buried Lia's body on the northern most cliff overlooking the Icelace Lake. Right near that lovely cave, and in the midst of all those orcs.

    She went on and on about Lia, about how she was at peace now, and how she wanted to put her body somewhere that she could feel close to home. All I could think was that it was a gross desecration. She's dead and gone, she fell from her gods graces and killed herself. Then, someone she's never met takes her body and buries it without the blessing of a priest of her god, in an area infested by a race that hates her own race with a fury that defies description, and somewhere that the dead have been known to be raised from the earth, both by the orcs and by other malign spirits.

    She kept going and going, eventually I couldn't bear it, especially to see how it was affecting Alexi and the way it all felt so very wrong. So, I left. Walked back to town, and left the two of them.

    She's gone, she won't be coming back. Why can't Alestra just let her spirit rest, and the memories to fade back from the pain they still evoke?

    After maybe another hour, Alexi and Alestra came back to the city and found me. Alexi asked me to go with him, so I nodded and fell in behind him. Alestra travelled with us.

    We travelled south and then east, to the Rift River. There's an old hollowed out tree there, nothing more than part of a stump still standing, but it's massive. Big enough for five or six men to stand in.

    We took shelter there, and sat down to talk. I told them about my feelings, about how it feels like I eventually fail at everything I do. Initially Alestra was supportive, but when she felt like she couldn't get her point across, she stormed off for a bit.

    Alexi and I kept talking, and I started to feel a bit better, then she came back and started verbally abusing me, telling me that I needed to deal with it and move on, that life is hard and I need to toughen up.

    All I could see when she spoke like that was my father, standing in her place.

    It felt like I'd been slapped across the face with the back of his hand. Here was someone who called me friend, who I had done my best to protect, to help, to look after, to guide and share my life with, treating me like an impudent child.

    I took my leave there and then, and headed across the Rift River, to the old war plains. It was either that, or unleash my emotions on her, which would have helped no-one and solved nothing.

    They didn't follow me. I think that Alexi knew why I was upset, and kept her away, for her own safety, and my own mental well being.

    I stayed over there for several days, away from all intelligent contact. The bugs learnt very quickly to steer clear of me, and the corpse thieves who roam the area were very wary of my presence. I took shelter in one of the now abandoned tents of the doomed soldiers. The whole place feels like the land of the dead to me... is it wrong that I found this comforting? No-one there to hurt me, no-one there to point out my flaws. In death, all are equal.

    My thoughts roamed backwards and forwards like a restless spirit, going this way and that. Friends I've lost, allies that have fallen and I never even knew their names. Bad choices that I've made that have led to pain, loss, and suffering for myself and others.

    At the end of my stay there, I felt a bit better. Certainly not cheery and thankful, but I think there was a determination there, to see things through for better or worse.

    Before I left Alexi and Alestra to cross the river, Alexi told me something important. When we fall, we get up and try again, not out of pride, or self respect, or even because of duty, but because otherwise we can never correct the mistakes we make. And there's some truth to that.

    I came back across the Rift River and headed north, hoping to dust myself off and try again, as it were. I found Marty in the commons, trying to organise a party to head west to the ogres. I agreed to go with her, knowing that if nothing else I could carry whatever it was she finds of value.

    Several others came along too. Tom, Nure, Chasen, Caric, and Mialee. She discussed what roles we would all be taking in our trip, and we set out.

    As soon as we hit the orc plains, I knew something was going to go wrong. Where normally the groups that I go with would avoid the orcs as much as possible, instead this group seemed determined to start their killing spree with the orcs.

    I instead snuck ahead to wait for them. After a time, I guess they tired of that sport and joined me, and we headed further west again.

    Now, I have never been with a group that when heading into the ogres will stop to fight the giants and manticores first.... until now. Caric seemed determined to kill everything that stood against him, regardless of how much pain it would inflict on him and everyone else. I nearly died defending Nure when a giant that he attacked ignored him and ran for her.

    At that point, she decided to head back. We spoke briefly about what was happening, and she slipped me a few potions, just in case the worst was to happen. By this point, I had already expended all of my own natural healing, and was down to potions.

    We continued on, eventually making it into the ogre cave. Again, I have never been with a group that attacked the ogres that guard the bridge first. Until now.

    A badly bruised and battered party made it's way across the bridge eventually, stopping to recover with some more healing potions before continuing. Marty marked some traps for us so we'd avoid them, and we engaged the first enemy. And when I say we, I mean Caric.

    I had scouted ahead a little, to warn the others of what was ahead, when I find him already attacking an ogre berserker alone. On either side of him was a fire trap, ready to go off with the slightest movement in the area.

    Not wanting to see him fall, I ran in and helped him as best I could do dispatch it. Again, more healing needed, more potions drunk.

    Finally we got to the bend in the cave, where the raised stone platform is. Caric rushes in again before we can organise a plan. Around the corner from where he stands, fighting two ogres at once, is a horde of ogres including a berserker and a shaman, as well as several axe throwers and warriors.

    Utter confusion reigned, as the sounds of battle rang out in the cave. Several of us nearly died, and Mialee fell. Whether it was to a fire trap, or an ogre, I never saw... I was too busy trying to save my own life.

    Where she fell was right on top of the trap though, and no-one else was willing to go in there to grab her things. So I volunteered, stepped in, and dodged the flames as they spewed forth, gathering what goods she had on her at the moment of her demise, and we started to make our way home.

    Unfortunately, that's not the end of the saga.

    Several of the ogre warriors were badly hurt and had retreated down the cave, towards the exit that we were headed to. Someone in our party fired upon them, and they ran at us, fury in their eyes. They knew they would either be victorious, or die trying.

    I tried to intercept them, to give the others what time they could to sort out their attack plans. But as blow after blow fell upon me, I knew that I could not stand any more, or I would fall myself. I took a few faltering steps, and I knew I would not make it... but then Tom stepped towards me and cast a spell, giving me the speed I needed to get away.

    I ran out of combat and started chugging healing potions, in the hope of being able to get back in there to help the others.

    But... I was too late. By the time I was back in one piece and I had started to move back in, the ogres were down, and so was Marty.

    The others didn't even seem to notice that she had fallen. They were on their way out of the cave, as quickly as they could move. So I dragged my beaten and bruised body over to her lifeless corpse, picked it up, and gathered up her things.

    I trudged my way back to the exit of the cave, and there Tom made me invisible, allowing me to pass unnoticed through the giants and manticores, past the orcs, and into town. I then made my way to the temple, and raised Marty, gave her her things, and headed south, thoroughly disgusted with the whole venture.

    Two people fell on the one trip. Two. One was a dear friend, and the other was a mage who was there to support her boyfriend. I wasn't fast enough or strong enough to save either of them... hells, I nearly died three times myself.

    I guess I'm just not strong enough. But, what is strong enough? Will I ever reach that point? Or am I just screaming into the wind, wasting my time with endless chatter? Whether or not it's possible though, I have to try.

    I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't.


  • The Twentieth of Eleint, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    Well, I told Alexi about what happened, between Linn and me. That was hard to do, I felt like curling into a small ball and hiding, but I know he deserved the truth.

    The worst thing was the way he smiled at me afterwards, and told me that he had expected something like this. He had expected me to fail at keeping my word… and I know it's made him sad, and probably hurt too.

    When Linn told me that she couldn't play anymore because she was in love, I realised that I'd made an awful mistake, but by then it was too late. I hadn't thought about it until then... that what I did would affect Alexi, even though we aren't together.

    He told me to not worry about it, that things were still okay between us, but I feel horrible, to think that I could do something like this to him. And to have done it in such a way, when he was away mourning.

    I'm such a fool. No wonder things haven't gone any further between us. Every time I do or say something foolish, he gently chides me and tells me that he knows better because of how old he is, and all the hurt he's suffered.

    He must feel like he's dealing with an irresponsible child most of the time.

    I want to find a way to make it up to him, but I'm not sure what I can do. It feels like I've ruined everything, with one simple choice. Maybe with time we can move on from this, because I know I don't want to let him go.

    Why does my heart cause me so much grief?


  • The Eleventh of Eleint, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    The last week has been interesting, mostly bad, but some good I guess.

    I finally caught up with Alexi again. He's still struggling to deal with what happened with Lia, can't say I blame him. Feels like he's withdrawn from me, and from the rest of the world. I haven't told him yet about what happened between me and Linn, we didn't have any privacy at all so that I could share with him.

    Eventually, he headed out of town alone again. I miss him so… but I'm more worried about him than I was before I saw him again. Hope he doesn't do anything too rash. He told me that it's because of how old he is, he finds hurts like this harder to deal with because he's been through so many hurts before.

    A few days after that, I was in the commons when I met a mage called Nym... they wanted to head to Norwick to look at the crypts. I agreed to take them, and we were joined by a dwarven monk called Dilinus.

    Yeah, let me just say that going on that trip was possibly one of my worst ideas.

    We went in there, feeling fairly bold and powered up with magics... and they ripped me apart. I tried to get out of the room, but there was a boulder blocking a lot of the doorway, and for some reason I couldn't get past it.

    As they ripped into my flesh with their claws, I felt my life run from me, and I blacked out. After maybe a minute or so, I woke up to find Dilinus fighting them from behind the boulder, trying to draw them away from me.

    I quickly sculled a potion of invisibility, and backed off to heal myself with other potions, drinking at least eight of the moderate healing potions before trying to get through to the others.

    Thankfully, the others weren't in anywhere as near a bad shape as I was, and they were able to fight off the undead near them so we could all get out.

    That's three times now I've almost died, and been saved by an ally. I don't want to get into a habit of this, I feel so stupid for getting myself into such a situation, and this it the third time now that I've done it.

    If this keeps happening, I'm going to pass over one day.


  • The Thirtieth of Eleasis, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    I guess it was only a matter of time.

    Linn told me today that she couldn't play with me like she has been anymore… that she had found someone that she was falling in love with. A female human, who follows a similar goddess to her. They share a lot of the same philosophies, and ideals.

    I'm happy for her, and I'm really glad that she was honest and upfront about it... but I can't help feeling sad and a little upset. I've become really, really fond of Linn, so much so that I wouldn't have minded making things a little more official than they were.

    But eh, I knew the score when I started with her, so I shouldn't be too surprised. I'll certainly have some happy memories to hold on to, and I know that she cares for me, otherwise she probably would have strung me along.

    But, as I've said before, no-one knows the future. So, whilst I hope and pray that things work out for Linn and her new partner, if they don't, then I'll be there to comfort her and help her deal with her broken heart.

    I know it made her feel really bad to have to tell me. She could tell that I was upset, and I wish that I wasn't... I wish that it didn't make things hard for her. She's such a beautiful person, in her heart and soul, let alone her body which is just gorgeous.

    I still want to be friends with her, stay as close as I can. She's very dear to me, and I don't want to lose her from my life.

    Oh, I'm writing down my thoughts and rambling.. heh, I guess that's what she does to me. I should get some sleep, let my mind rest.

    I wonder who I'll dream of tonight.


  • The Fourteenth of Eleasis, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    Caught up with some of the Sisters today, it was good to see them all again. We get together so rarely these days, I so miss them so.

    I was down by the lake in the Rawlins meditating, trying to focus on the spirit of the water, when a large group came out of the deeper woods. Most of them were Sisters, but Telli, Linn and Ronan were with them as well.

    And we recruited another new Sister today. Her name is Kitty, and she's a specialist healer. She's not much chop in combat, but if you need someone to heal, or banish undead, she's your hin.

    Linn keeps teasing me, playing around whenever I see her. It's a lot of fun, and we're both enjoying the affection and intimacy. I can't help but wonder how long this will go for, and if it will lead to anything else.

    After the others left, we went up to my room at the Grapevine… and she gave me a night that I don't think I'll ever forget. She was so gentle, and caring... and yet so passionate. I feel this bond between us, like several strands of silk, starting to bind to one another, creating a stronger link with each passing day.

    I've started dreaming of her, in the same way that I dream of Alexi. It's very interesting, and certainly gives me ideas about what to try and how to respond... but I wish I knew where it all came from.

    Alexi says that it's inbuilt within all women, but I'm not so sure about that. If it was, then people wouldn't need to seek out priestesses of love to learn how to please their partners.

    Wherever it comes from, I want to learn how to control it.


  • The Twentythird of Flamerule, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    Well, today was an interesting day, that's for sure.

    I always thought that I would be waiting for marriage, for the one right man to share my body with, to have that special intimacy that I've been longing for so much.

    And then, I followed my heart instead, and shared myself with Linn.

    I'd never even considered what it would be like to be with a woman, let alone think about pursuing such a course of action. Heh, course of action is such a misnomer, I should instead say something like beautiful joining.

    We were in the Dancing Mermaid in Peltarch with some others, both friends and acquaintances. The morning was started with pancakes… I had mine with bacon, maple syrup, and icecream. Linn liked the look of it so much she ordered a plate identical to mine.

    Then, she stole one of my rashers of bacon! Naughty Linn!

    Anyway, after the others had gone, we played around and goofed off a lot. It was wonderful to be able to relax like that with someone other than Alexi. I love him so, but I want to be able to be open with more people. After a while, Linn and I ended up relaxing down near the fire at the far end of the inn, away from everyone.

    I'm still not sure how it happened, but I felt so happy and relaxed with her on the lounge... we were talking and I started teasing her. She's always teased me, trying to get a reaction out of me, so I figured that turnabout was fair play. But, it was causing her to react... her body warmed up, I could feel her getting excited... and that in turn caused me to do the same.

    She told me that she couldn't fall in love with me, because I was a hin and she was an elf, but I know that neither of us cared. That day was a very special one, and I'll always remember it. The first time that anyone had ever touched me like that, made me feel like that... well, outside of my dreams anyway.

    I let my heart lead me, and told my brain to sit in the back and be quiet. And it was glorious. I've never felt so alive, so very aware of every single part of my body, every inch of skin and bone and muscle.

    I think I understand why people follow Sharess now, and why some folks seem to go from partner to partner.

    But for me, I know it was more than just the physical side of things. There was an emotional connection as well. Whilst she may not love me like a husband or wife, I know she loves me as a woman, and as a sexual partner.

    I'm not sure where this will end up. She's made it very clear that what happens between us is only casual, that it's supposed to be fun and enjoyable, but it isn't a sign of anything else. You know what though? I don't think I mind at all. If Alexi has taught me anything, it's to be happy with whatever you can have, even if it is only a small thing.

    From small things big things grow, after all.


  • The Ninth of Flamerule, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Well, nothing much has changed.

    Lia is still gone, Alestra is still trying to cheer me up, and all I can do is try to put her from my mind, and move on.

    How many friends will I lose in this way before I go insane?

    It's really affecting Alexi. Once he found out what had happened, he went quiet, and turned inwards. He told me later that this is the second lady who confessed her love for him, and when he would not return that love, killed themselves.

    When I heard that, it was all I could do to not wrap him up in my arms and hold him. The poor man… to think that people would go to such ends for love, regardless of how much it hurts those left behind.

    There's a lot of questions I'd like to ask Lia, if such a thing was possible. Why she did it, for one... what she thought it would accomplish, and if she realised just what it would mean, both for her, and for those left behind.

    Sometimes, when I'm alone in my room, staring at the wall, I wonder to myself if I would ever do such a thing. To be so caught up in my own pain as to not realise what suffering I would inflict on myself and others with such a selfish action, to try and ease the pain of living by killing myself, whether it be over love scorned, or the loss of a god's favour.

    I've never been in that situation, so I don't think I can honestly answer that question. I feel pain, and loss, I feel loves sting keenly, even though I cannot act on it... and yet, there is a sense of hope for the future, a hope that tomorrow will be better than today, that there is something worth holding on to.

    I need to share that hope with others.


  • The Fifth of Kythorn, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Windy

    I haven't felt like this since Anju died.

    Lia committed suicide yesterday.

    I was sitting in the Dancing Mermaid doing some paperwork over a cup of coffee and a pastry, when she came in. She told me that she was going away, and that she wouldn't be coming back. She gave me a donation for the Sisterhood, her sword, shield and armor, and her Sisterhood Dress.

    I knew something was wrong, but how wrong, I couldn't tell.

    I gave her a hug, told her she would always have a home here. She shed a tear, and left.

    That was the last time I saw her alive.

    This morning, Alestra told me that she had found Lia's body. She had apparently made herself a makeshift altar to Corellon, and killed herself on it. She made sure that Lia was buried, and her rites said.

    Her soul was not willing to return. Alestra told me that Lia had fallen from her god's graces, and that was why she did it.

    I don't know why she did it, I don't care either. All I know is that someone that I loved is gone, and I wasn't able to save her from this fate.

    After I recovered a bit from the shock of it, I was sitting in the commons with Alestra, trying to understand what happened, why it happened… Sister Adelie came into the commons and we told her about what happened. She was shocked to hear it, and then told me that if she has fallen from her god's graces, then she'lll have been put in the wall in Kelemvor's realm.

    Alestra tried to tell me that this wasn't the case, but I know it is. All I can think of is the screaming woman in the wall, stuck there for all time.

    I hope I'm wrong.


  • The Twentieth of Mirtul, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    So much of my time has been taken up with Lia in one way or another over the last ride. She's been spending a lot of time with Alexi, meeting the other Sisters, and seeing what she can of the realm.

    Silmiel recruited her into the Sisterhood, knowing that she would need our help and our love. For that I'm glad, both that she accepted the offer and that someone other than me approached her about it.

    But there's another problem that's taken up a lot of my time as well. She's fallen in love with Alexi, with an intensity that's worrying.

    I'm not sure how I should respond to the situation. There's a part of me that wants to drive her away, to keep her from hurting him. But the greater part of me is full of compassion for her, and trust for Alexi. I know he won't do anything to hurt me, and if he loved her he would tell me truly. Instead he's told me that he cares for her deeply, as I do, but that he cannot and does not love her the way that she loves him.

    If he did love her though… in the way that she hopes for, then as sad as I would be for myself, I think I would understand. The heart wants what it wants, and it will not listen to reason.

    And yet, I try. I took Lia aside and spoke with her, told her that Alexi cannot return her love, that it was not that he did not care for her, but rather that he does not seek a lover or a wife, only friendship. Halfway through the conversation, she seemed to become distant, as if her mind was elsewhere.

    When I left her, she was quite upset, but she seemed to understand what I had been trying to explain to her. I went upstairs to the common room, and went to sleep.

    When I awoke in the morning, I went and grabbed a fenberry pastry for breakfast, then headed back to the common room to relax in front of the fire. There I found Lia and Silmiel talking, Lia looked like she'd been crying.

    Turns out that she's been cursed by the drow, and that the curse is activated by extreme emotions. When I told her that Alexi would never be hers, it activated, and she was taken over by the spirit of a drow, drew her sword and put on her armor, and then walked the streets looking for me, hoping to slay me.

    Silmiel found her, and brought her to her senses, and managed to remove the curse for now. But the only way to stop it returning is by another marking her with similar magics. It can be a curse or a protection, but it needs to be there to keep her safe from the drow.

    After a while Alexi came up, so I left the two of them to talk.

    An hour later perhaps, he came out of the inn carrying her, saying that she had blacked out whilst they were talking.

    Long story short, her soul itself was under attack by the drow. A tall elf turned up talking elven only, saying this and that about the situation and about Lia. Silmiel translated for me, and told me that it was Corellon Larethian himself, but I'm not sure about that. The gods don't walk the realms anymore, that was part of the agreement that they made after the time of troubles.

    In any case, after the elf left, Lia woke up. She was very weak and tired, but alive and with us.

    We talked, and she seemed to be feeling better about the situation with Alexi. Not sure whether she's accepted that he's not going to be hers, or if she's just taking what she can for now and hoping for the future. I guess it doesn't really matter, as long as she respects his boundaries and doesn't do anything too rash in regards to her own safety.

    But what will come next?


  • The First of Mirtul, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    I only just realised that I forgot my birthday this year! I was so busy with the Sisterhood that it slipped my mind. Must organise a birthday cake to share with the Sisters to celebrate. Ah well, there's plenty more birthdays to come, of that I have no doubt.

    I met a new lady today, her name is Lia. She's a bit strange, and definitely very intense in her hatred of drow, but I think she means well.

    I came across her when I found Alexi. Turns out that she had taken employment with him, and so he was showing her around and helping her get her bearings.

    She says that her partner and their son were both killed by drow, in fact, her entire village was destroyed by them in a single raid. She survived the attack, but not without being badly burnt physically, and mentally scarred by it.

    She's taken a liking to Alexi, which is nice to see, but I'm worried where it will go in the future. Her intensity of emotion is something that I think will get her in trouble if she doesn't have the discernment to temper it with patience.

    In any case, I do like her. She's nice, and she means well, even after everything that she's been through. She seems to be a little unsure of me though, not sure why that is. I'll watch her for a while, see how she adapts to life here and what friends she makes, she is certainly someone who is in need of the Sisterhood's help. Just not sure if she'd accept it.

    How do I help someone who doesn't neccesarily want to be helped?


  • The Twentyfirst of Tarsakh, 1508 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Alexi and I have been travelling around, seeing the sights and catching up with people, as well as trying to stay out of trouble. He told me that Benji is starting up a new guild for inventors and alchemists, it's got a long name but the acronym is G.G.G.G.G.G. Apparently Alexi signed up, and so has Reri.

    Earlier today I happened to come across Benji… we started talking about the guild and what kinds of inventions he was looking at for the moment... so I gave him some ideas I had and showed him some of my toys... he was so excited that he pleaded for me to join there and then. I accepted his offer.

    The first thing he wants to make is a shiny staff for Arlinn. He was going to crush up some glowing rings and amulets, and then glue them onto a staff, but I suggested that he instead capture a wisp and put it into some kind of jar, then mount that jar into a staff. That way it makes light, and can zap people. He loved the idea and immediately abandoned his plans for the staff, instead intending to try and work out how to capture the wisp.

    I'm glad I was able to make him happy. After the gnoll woods the other day, he deserves some happiness.

    He just needs to remember to put some rubber grips on the staff, or the wielder of it will get zapped themselves. Knowing Benji, he'll forget about that part of it I think.

    Whatever happens, I think it will be amusing.