3. Yana at the Docks

Yana at the Docks


  • I stood before Captain Fortescue, my reports in his hand. “I heard there was trouble in the Pissing Goat”, he said, looking up briefly at me.

    “No trouble sir”, I replied.

    …and that was the end of it. He signed the reports, gave me my new duty roster, and I was on my way.

    It took me a day or two of meditation after the fight in the Pissing Goat to re-enter that state of mind, where everything is clear, and every movement obvious. Now I can do it at will, and I worry that the self assurance it gives me will make me overconfident, and that’s a dangerous mind set to get into. However, I have reached a point in my training where I feel I have accomplished the goals I have set for myself, and I am beginning to look at my future with a different set of eyes.

    Yesterday, a man who calls himself The Herald asked to speak with me. I had spoken with him briefly in Norwick last week, and he called me over in the Peltarch commons yesterday, offering me a drink, and wanting to talk.

    He is an odd fellow. Covered in tattoos that move about like so many scurrying cockroaches exposed to sunlight, my first encounter years ago caused me to recoil. But over the course of my training I have learned to look at people with more objectivity, and curiosity got the better of me.

    I sat and listened.

    He told me he wanted to tell me his story. What followed was a fantastic tale of Netherese cities, old exiles, impossible lifetimes, and an even more improbable purpose. I didn’t know what to believe. At first while listening to him, and asking the odd question or two, the believability of it bothered me. Eventually however, I realized that it didn’t matter. This was his story. This was how he wished to be perceived. When I boiled it all down, it was just the tale of a lonely individual who wanted to talk, and needed someone to listen.

    At the end, I asked him how he wished to be remembered. He replied, “Not at all, I wish to leave this world without a trace”. I laughed inwardly at that, because he failed by telling me his story. The finest mark we leave is in the memories of others. If he didn’t wish to leave a trace, he should have remained silent.

    I find myself wondering how I will be remembered. I am sure Aelthas will one day tell his grandchildren about the mixed breed elf girl he once knew he nicknamed “Legs”, and how she could fight people wielding swords with just her bare hands and snatch arrows out of the air. My legacy will be reduced to a sentence or two, along with the shared smiles of old friends.

    …and that’s OK.


  • This story written with special thanks to DM Stuiped and head DM Andelas

    My master in Damara called them moments of clarity. These are moments where the world resolves itself in perfect detail. Every nuance revealed. Every moment within touched.

    It is said that the great masters can achieve them in meditation. For some people, they come during quiet moments. A lonely sunset. A spell under a willow tree. A walk alone at night. For others, they come during moments of high emotion or revelation. A lover’s first kiss, or a tender touch. For most, these moments are elusive and never come at all.

    My first one came in a bar fight.

    It was an otherwise uneventful evening on the west end of the docks. I had ended my shift as I usually do in the Pissing Goat. My investigation continues there, and I have made myself a usual sight to avoid undue suspicion.

    Holly was talking to three sailors in the corner. She was flirting expertly with two of them, and keeping the third on an invisible hook, ready to reel him in. Sandi was talking to a heavyset balding fellow that I didn’t recognize. Another new sailor from Hoarsgate I supposed.

    The barkeep laughed at some old joke that Harry the Toothless was telling for the umpteenth time. Barmaids hustled around and avoided gropes. Amidst laughter and derision coin changed hands at a table in the corner. Steins rattled, one falling on the floor.

    All the usual sounds washed over and surrounded me. I paid little attention…until the back of someone’s skull hit the wall so hard, the plank shattered.

    I watched the heavyset balding man walk away. Sandi slid down the wall, a red streak trailing behind her on the wood from the back of her head.

    It was only a brief moment before I leapt to my feet. I had confided in this woman just days before. She and Holly had listened as I poured my heart out to them. Suddenly, I looked upon this man with hate. This wasn’t just an assault on some nameless prostitute.

    It was personal.

    He heard the movement behind him, and turned cautiously but relatively carefree. He was big enough not to worry about most folks, and looked at the little waif before him with little concern.

    I kicked him in the groin with every ounce of strength I could muster.

    His face went pale. His eyes bulged from his head, and he stopped breathing. His knees wavered and buckled. He sank to the floor like some big merchant vessel that had just been rammed.

    …and that’s when I felt it.

    It was a wave of pain in my side, followed by a giddy feeling. I looked down at my right. Blood was seeping quickly from an opening between my silks. A weasel faced man stood there with a serrated kris, slick with my blood. I had been so focused on the large fellow, that I had completely ignored any friends he might have in the corner. I felt stupid.

    …and thus began my moment of clarity. Perhaps it was the shock. Perhaps it was the pain. At that moment….at that precise instant in time, everything in the Pissing Goat became, utterly crystal clear.

    _I watched a drop of my blood make a star pattern in a space between the straws on the floor. The sweat on the weasel faced man’s upper lip. The movement in the muscles of his left arm as he sought to stab again.

    I became aware of two more who were helping him. The skinny one behind me was going to stand on the table and jump me. The bearded one to my left was going to swing a chair.

    Beyond them, five men playing cards. One was going to drop one. The barmaid was going to move to his side. Amidst giggles and false protests, one of the players was going to pull her on his lap.

    Most were going to turn to the commotion. The two guards I’ve been watching were beginning to look up, but I knew that it was all going be over before they even rose from their seats._

    It was if the entirety of the Pissing Goat were the stage of some intricate bardic play, and I had the script.

    The weasel faced man lunged again, but I spin to the left pushing him past me and throwing him off balance.

    The man behind steps on the table. I continue my spin, snapping my leg out and sweeping his. As his head crashes down on the corner of the table, I arch back. The chair whistles over my head from the person who swung it.

    The man in front of me with the knife turns and slashes. I pivot left, grabbing his arm. Elbow to the face. High kick under the chin of the man with the chair while he is off balance. Maintain hold of the arm with the knife. I turn again, twisting his arm over. Snap kick to the side of his head, and he goes down.

    The man with the chair recovers and swings again, but I’m not there as I sway my body left. I see everything before it’s happening. The chain crashes into the ground, splintering.

    Muscle memory and training become faster than conscious thought. Hit to the wrist, fist to the stomach, knife hand to the throat, heal of palm under his chin. He staggers, and a roundhouse kick snaps his head sideways. He falls, unconscious or dead before hitting the ground.

    …and it’s over. The sounds of the Pissing Goat wash over me, their detail lost in the noise. Men lay scattered about this end of the room like discarded toys. Sandi lies slumped on the floor. She’s still conscious but bewildered.

    Almost everyone is looking in my direction, but soon turn back to their drinks, women, and games. For most, it was a brief but entertaining diversion from routine.

    For me, it was an awakening.


  • “It is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all”

    Wandering on the docks in this cold, rainy morning, I ponder these words of wisdom. Would I have been better served maintaining my innocence and not knowing, than feeling the pain I feel now?

    I still love Jay. I can’t deny it. But he was too hard to love. I went into it with the foolish notion that love changes people, and that perhaps our love would bring out his best, and that we would all live happily ever after.

    But love doesn’t change people. It simply opens doors to a part of them otherwise unrevealed. The rest of them, for better or worse, is just the same.

    Crime has elevated in the docks. I take this as a personal affront to my job and my responsibilities. Yet my mind wanders. My feet wander with them, and take to places on the docks I had no intention of going. Soon, I find myself in the run down alleys of the west end near the Pissing Goat.

    Two prostitutes are standing outside in this dreary morning. I recognize them as Holly and Sandi, two of the regulars who hang out here. They look up quickly and whisper to each other, exchanging furtive glances in my direction. I sit on a hitching post not too far away, ignoring both.

    Sandi wanders over, bringing Holly in tow.

    “Been spendin’ lotta time here sugar. Was a point I thought you’d be making home in the Ferret, seein’ that tall shaggy fellow…”, Sandi paused in thought.

    “Jay”, Holly finished.

    “Yeah, that’s ‘im. So wha’ happened? You two fell out?”

    I look up at both. They seem genuinely concerned, which for some reason strikes me as both comforting and odd. Holly is the favorite of the locals. Sandi doesn’t have Holly’s looks, but she’s shrewd, and sells information to complement her … other sources of income.

    I look away and stare out over the water. “Yeah, we fell out”, I reply.

    Sandi puts her hand on my shoulder. Holly is afraid to touch me. She tried to slap me once when I arrested one of her tricks for theft, and I sent her sprawling out of reflex. I look up into Sandi’s eyes.

    I see sympathy. Not a place I would have expected it.

    Sandi looks at me with sea gray eyes, “Wanna talk ‘bout it sugar?”

    It seems like a ridiculous pair of people to unload my thoughts, but people are people, and sometimes wisdom comes from places you least expect it.

    My master taught me that.

    “Sure”, I say, sliding off the hitching post. “I’ll even buy breakfast”


  • I sit quietly on the stool, dressed in my guard uniform. Across the room, Terren is painting me.

    I feel both flattered, and rather ridiculous. I’m an object of someone’s undivided attention.

    Don’t move, keep still.

    I’m not plain, but I don’t consider myself particularly pretty either. Aelthas calls me “legs”, which is good I guess, but my legs are thick and stout from ritual, exercise, and strength training. At least mom’s have the advantage of being long. The little human in me kept me from being too skinny, and filled me out in other awkward ways. My lips are full. I hate them.

    My mind keeps wandering. Keep still!

    I think about the bar fight I got into at the Pissing Goat two nights ago. It was messy. Weapons were drawn, a rather expensive mirror was broken, and one patron almost bled to death. I tried to break it up, but it turned into a horrible game of which sailor was going to take down the little blonde guard before the other. I arrested eight people that night, and for all of their effort, had nary a scratch on me.

    Am I that good?

    My attention drifts. Stop looking down!

    This is almost like meditation, but without the discipline. For some reason, I am focused on every little itch. Every little twitch and body movement is magnified in my mind tenfold. Terren doesn’t even notice, or say anything, but I notice. I hear music in my head from the street players from last night.

    Stop moving your feet!

    I don’t know what to do about Jay. I love him dearly, but I’m beginning to find his rudeness embarrassing. How do you love someone who embarrasses you?

    I try to tell him that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, but he seems to take the opposite position.

    I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

    Now I’m frowning. Quit it!

    Ugh…Think about something else. Um…ok, Chen and Jenny. A couple who have been together countless years, are in love, and never got married. No children, no house, no yard with a cat or a big dog. Will Jay and I be like this?

    Wait…Jenny has a cat named Frisky. Chen keeps a lizard in a cage. Do they count?

    I stare off into space and focus on a painting across the room. If you stare at something long enough, your vision gets blurry.

    “Turn your head a little bit to the right”, Terren says.

    Now I can’t stare at the painting!

    I wonder how much longer. I look at the hour glass. Not even half gone…

    …sigh


  • I sat on the pier with Chen, eating lunch. Only the soft glow from my amulet reminded me how cold it was. I didn’t feel it. The amulet protected me, but Chen was all bundled up in furs and boots.

    “Gotta get me one of those”, he said absently, taking a bite.

    We didn’t talk much sitting there. He had gotten into a fight with Jenny at the Pissing Goat last week. Chen had withdrawn into his duty. In that way we are much alike.

    I gave Jay a gift. It cost more than most houses in Norwick, and most of my savings, but he didn’t seem to care or appreciate it. Perhaps he has so much gold that it didn’t mean much to him. Perhaps it was my lackluster way of giving it to him. I had thought perhaps we could exchange something, but a gift is a gift, and I should have simply … given it to him.

    Regardless, I don’t see much of him any more. He’s so often at sea or working at the warehouse, that we only manage to get together once a month if we’re lucky. He had left me a note once that he and his crew were going on a journey. He had thought of inviting me along, but knowing that a Priestess of Umberlee was going to be along kept me from joining.

    I know some women marry sailors. They see each other once every few months for a week or so, and then their husband is out to sea again. It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but from personal experience, it’s bullshit.

    Absence makes one lonely.

    Jay’s not around, and I find myself drawn to others who are. It’s not that I love them, but it’s easier and less work. Loving Jay feels like work sometimes, and I hate it. It never used to be like this.

    I tried to talk to mom about it, but she’s not around much either. She traveled west somewhere….where she wouldn’t say. When she returned, she wrapped herself up in senate meetings.

    I pause in my thoughts, and stare out over the Ice Lace.

    Chen slowly gets up, and tosses a small piece of bread crust into the water.

    “Later Sarge”, he says, before walking off. It’s funny that he still calls me that, even after his promotion.

    I get up too. I have some paperwork to file for Lady Borodin, all routine. Fortescue needs the latest arrest reports. After that my shift should be over, and I’ll have time for myself.

    Too much of it alone.


  • Mom?

    I squinted. The low sun of an early winter blinded me as I gazed across the busy docks. She stood there, talking animatedly to Chen and several other guards, who gestured casually in my direction with his thumb.

    Mom!!!

    My heart leapt, and the day’s worries fell behind me as I ran to her. Her eyes crinkled in a smile as she opened her arms to embrace me. I squealed, and wrapped my arms around her.

    For a moment, I was still a child. I think it was the smell of the leather, sweat, and feathers in her hair. I have heard that scent is often the strongest trigger of old memories. Embracing mom like this, and holding her to me made me understand why. However, when I pulled away and looked up, I was startled.

    She looked so young

    It was hard for me to fathom why. I know conceptually, that she is immortal. Others in Norwick would whisper behind her back, and talk of blessings, contracts with the forces of darkness, magic potions, and holy destiny. But it never really hit me growing up.

    …until now.

    As I have grown and aged to maturity, my perspective on the world has grown and aged with it. But mom remains fixed in time, frozen to the moment when Tempus resurrected her. The world around her changes, but she does not.

    …or I thought, until I looked into her eyes.

    She looked so old

    I stared. The depth of them filled me with fear, respect, love, and sadness. In the moments I gazed into them, I understood why even her enemies treated her with respect. It’s not because she was the best warrior. It’s not because she was the strongest. There are others I know that are better, stronger, and faster.

    It’s simply because she was Maya.

    Mom

    I continued to stare, and she cocked her head, a curious smile caressing her face.

    “You are good?”, she asked.

    I just nodded, and felt the cold trickle of a tear meandering down my cheek.

    “Good”, she said, “I have time for rest here in Narfell before go back to Impiltur. We should find place for eat, drink and talk. Are sure OK?”, she asked, reaching out to touch my cheek.

    I look up as she smiled down at me. I wondered if the years she was gone seemed like moments to her.

    “Sometimes”, I said, “Someone can be so happy that they look sad. I’m just happy you’re here now. I have so much to tell you!”

    She chuckled, deep throated, and full of mirth.

    “Me too”, she said.


  • The wooden practice sword whistles over my head as I sway backwards. I can feel the air caress my face, as the sword passes to my right.

    It spins and arcs down in a powerful vertical stroke, but I am not there. I move left, and the swords hits the mat.

    I step forward quickly, putting my right leg behind Chen. The act of bringing the sword up has moved his center of balance backwards, and there only one direction for him to go. A simple push, and his body arcs, his feet leaving the ground. He tumbles over, his shoulders hitting the mat.

    I step back and help him to his feet.

    It’s been three days now since my test, a deadly confrontation between several wizards and myself. It’s not what would have envisioned at all. I had imagined I would be going through a deadly maze, testing my ability to jump and strike, and in the end face someone like me, waiting to pass his or her test. But instead it was a test of my reflexes and the ability to improvise. I had to advance and strike quickly, avoid weapons and dodge fireballs.

    I was a hairs-breadth from failure. My last opponent caught me off guard, and brought up magic designed to deflect my punches and kicks. I foolishly panicked and retreated, rather than striking for vulnerable locations. His magic sought me out and knocked me unconscious.

    I awoke to him going through my things, and when he turned his back, I quaffed a potion and finished him. His overconfidence was his undoing, and a stern reminder never to underestimate your opponent. “Beware of arrogance”, my master commented, “For it can be your undoing”.

    Words to remember.

    I have passed this milestone, and have the tools to put it all together. If I focus, I can “see” the sword strokes played out before me, and just be where they are not. Chen commented that it looks kind of funny, to see me sway and move in seemingly random patterns. Perhaps, but it works remarkably well, even if it’s tiring and difficult to maintain focus.

    I wave goodbye to Chen, and thank him for helping me practice again. He smiles a bit, our eyes avoiding the other as we gather our things. It’s a new chapter in his life too, as his promotion to sergeant came through. I know he’ll be around, but I will miss his street knowledge and wisdom. If I ever make lieutenant, I hope to have him work for me again.

    I head outside. My senses are immediately assaulted by the sights, sounds, and smells of the docks. It’s warm and muggy, but the promise of a cooler night comes on a gentle breeze from the sea.


  • I am on the bow of the Lazy Day. My presence there has become ubiquitous. I am fond of the old man I simply call Captain. I admire the simple life he leads, and the jovial and carefree manner in which he ambles through it. When I’m not with Jay or on duty, I spend much of my life here.

    I practice each kata carefully, quickly, and with as much consideration for form as I can on a bouncing boat. It’s a unique challenge that many sailors undertake without thinking, and I want to make it part of my daily training to improve balance and coordination.

    Having just come from a swim, I have little on. What I have on is damp, but it’s too damn hot out to wear anything more substantial.

    Some people simply pass by, going about their business. Others watch and stare.

    I ignore them and focus on my training.

    I feel a certain pride on accomplishing what I’ve done. I’ve come so far since a tall barbarian woman taught a little girl the rudiments of how to defend herself. Now, my goals, while still a long way off, are in sight. To be able to face some of the better warriors this land has to offer, without weapons or armor.

    This coming test will either set me back years, or propel me towards my destination.

    I have one month left to practice.

    Just one.


  • The walk along the docks in the early morning is quiet. The shops haven’t opened. The drunks in the alleys are still sleeping. People sleep in their hammocks on decks of ships of all shapes and sizes. The sun pokes over the water, promising a warm, cloudless day.

    I want to pay attention to it all. I want to drink it all in, but I am distracted.

    My instructor showed up when I hadn’t expected. A man came running to me several days ago, asking if I’m Yana, saying there’s a Dwarf in dark robes looking for me. Before I even finish the conversation, my instructor is at my side.

    We talk at length about my training. What I’ve done. What I’ve not done.

    …and what I am going to do.

    My final test has been decided.

    I will be traveling to Damara soon to face masters of the elements. In one breath my instructor tells me I will do fine. In another, that the test will be deadly. Very deadly.

    The meeting was brief. He’s given me a date.

    With each sunrise, the date looms closer.

    As I walk further along the docks, I pay attention to this particular sunrise. It marks the beginning of a new day. There will be no other like it.

    And I begin to wonder, just how many I have left.


  • For DM Stuiped…

    Adventure. To explore the possibilities and the unknown.

    I’ve decided not to wait.

    I sit here on the beach in an old shift, purchased from the market for a few gold. The sand is cold under my legs. The waves lap rhythmically on the beach. My hair blows in the gentle breeze. The sound of gulls is distant. The horizon is undefined, the grey of the sea merged with a dark and cloudy sky.

    I focus

    Within moments, I feel warm. Emotion bubbles forth.

    Rage…

    Desire…

    Lust…

    …All focused in a cauldron deep within me. A draw from it, extending my Ki, the force of my spirit to it.

    I feel the heat rise. The air shimmers about me.

    I draw further. I try desperately to project it outward. Anything to get rid what’s building up inside me.

    Pain.

    I drive through it. I ignore it and focus on the effort. There has got to be another way to get rid of it. There must. If I can only push it out, hold it in my hand, extend it through me and get rid of it.

    Intense pain.

    I watch in horror and amazement as smoke rises from my clothing. The fabric smokes and turns black. The pain becomes unbearable.

    I yell.

    Flames pour from my mouth, rippling across the beach and over the water. The thin layer of water on the sand hisses briefly and steams. I fall back on the sand exhausted, tired, and hurt. My body is red in places. It is all I can do to crawl over to my pack, and apply one of the magic balms. Its coolness encompasses me, the pain ebbing away.

    Later that evening I visit a seamstress in the market. On the corner of my silks now, is a little dragon. It’s snake like, and scrolls over my left breast and over my heart. I’m not sure why I put it there. Perhaps as a reminder of what I did. A token of an adventure in self discovery.

    The gold embroidery glistens in the sun.


  • The plague is almost gone. People come out of doors, unafraid of with whom they might touch, or share a drink. I can tell the difference with my eyes closed, just by the sound of the docks. The cacophony is louder, and filled with more varied sounds. As an exercise, I close my eyes and pick out individual conversations.

    I sit quietly on the bow of the Lazy Day, and face the water. It’s moored to the docks, and bobs gently up and down. Its captain is elsewhere, no doubt buying supplies for the morrows venture into the Ice Lace. But he knows me, and lets me spend time here when I want to retreat from the world. Sometimes he takes me out and lets me dive from the boat. He’s a good sort, an old world fisherman whose family has grown and moved on, wife passed away some years ago, and now spends his time quietly living life and watching time pass by.

    It seems lately that I’ve spent a lot of time waiting as well. Lord Gallows has a task for me, but has had some difficulty tracking this creature down, so I’ve heard nothing from him. My instructor is worrisomely absent. My queries in the Lucky Ferret go unanswered. Letters to mom go unanswered. I post duty on the docks, but lately it’s been standing and guarding.

    Watch, listen, and wait.

    I use the time to practice, but fear the outcome of a few things I’ve learned. I’m afraid to take the next step on my own without guidance.

    I build up the fire inside, but each day I take less and less of the drink to release it. I try to focus on pushing it outwards, but nothing happens. Fear of the outcome is my wall, and I’m afraid to climb it, out punch my way through it.

    The sun begins to climb the sky away from the horizon, signaling the start of my shift.

    More watching.

    More waiting.


  • I’m standing next to Jack in front of the Bard College. He’s a good sort, with a round, congenial face. Recently married. Wife pregnant with their first. Really good with a carving knife, and makes little models of animals, carts and buildings.

    Captain Velhar is off to the side talking with Lycka. Aelthas is standing next to Senator Ronan, who is looking thoughtful. Far ahead of us, Lisa directs the passersby to stay back.

    Oh, and then there’s Nure, dressed in red. I swear if she tries to get by me one more time, I’m going to break her nose.

    It seems some sort of powerful sleep spell has affected the college. People mill around trying to figure out what to do. Celebring stops by, and everyone defers to him. A look of irritation creeps across Ronan’s face, and I understand perfectly why.

    When you’ve studied long and hard to be good at something, and people defer to someone else for it, it cuts at your own confidence and feelings of worth. I suggested to Aelthas a few minutes ago that I go inside to take a peek under the protection of a potion. I’ve learned in my time at the monastery to resist such influences, and my elvish heritage would certainly help.

    But no, I was not permitted. I had to stay in front and guard the door and guard. I pointed out there were numerous other guards around without my unique training, but was ignored.

    More and more officials and their friends gathered. Nure tries again, and Adelie grabs her and ties her up. Then she’s gagged, and Devlin, who’s wandered up from Norwick, sits on her. I try not to laugh, but I can’t help it.

    More talking. Celebring tries something and collapses. Lycka wakes him up. Finally, they figure out something and head inside to deal with the problem, under protection of defensive spells.

    Where am I?

    Guarding the door. They don’t even consider taking me along.

    Jack seems content with the situation. I’m screaming inside. I want to get involved. I want to see new things. I want …

    …adventure.

    I suppose to some I’m still the little girl. Maya’s daughter. The strange guard who doesn’t carry a weapon. Good for guarding doors.

    It pisses me off. Someday I’m just going to take mom’s advice, and punch someone in the nose.

    I bet it would feel good.


  • My instructor said to try everything.

    From singing, fishing, and checkers, to darts, painting and jump rope…I tried it all.

    No insight.

    I even tried using weapons for a week, practicing with some of the guards. I reasoned that if I could reacquaint myself, and view it from the other perspective, I might learn something. Thanks to mom, I’m actually pretty good with an axe and shield.

    Well, I got better at using the axe. It’s been awhile.

    No insight.

    I’m as clueless as ever how to approach defending myself better against weapons, while fighting unarmed.

    …perhaps

    …until now

    I’ve been watching Jolly Quickfingers, it’s what he calls himself, hustle the passersby at the docks with the old shell game.

    He doesn’t cheat. He doesn’t need to. He really is that good.

    I know the cheats at the shell game, or the cup and ball. The palming of the ball. The table drop. I’ve seen it all before. But Jolly is just good. Trying to follow his movements as he shuffles the cups around is an effort in futility. Most people just guess. Odds are he wins two of three times.

    So I watch.

    …and I watch

    …and I watch

    After awhile of watching, it became easier. A rhythm of movements. Repetition. Routine.

    Maybe that’s what it’s all about.

    Maybe I just need to learn pay attention.

    A flash.

    The sky darkens. I hustle south and hurry indoors at the Mermaid. The wind picks up, and first rain drops begin to fall as I open the door and rush inside. I go to my room hoping Jay will be there…

    …But it’s empty.

    I flop on the bed and wait, and idle the time by focusing on the fire inside. It’s something my instructor has taught me to do. I focus on the rage, the drive, and the desire.

    I focus on it all.

    Soon I feel warm. Then heat rises in waves, shimmering across my body and outstretched hands. I want to release it without the drink, but I am afraid. I wouldn’t begin to know what to do with it.

    I lose focus, and the heat washes away.

    Tonight I will leave a message for my instructor. I have enough time saved up, and I’m ready for the journey he’s promised me.

    After I see Jay

    After it stops raining.


  • Two men argue over a debt. They yell, scream, and swear. One of them has the shirt of the other bunched in his hands. Pushing. Shoving. A torn shirt. More yelling.

    I sit on a railing eating an apple and watch. When I think it’s going to come to blows I toss it. It’s a good shot, and thwacks one of them on the side of the cheek. Startled, he looks at me. Then the other. I cluck my tongue and shake my head a bit, and they break it up, glaring at each other..

    I pull out another apple. The sun shines brightly. The docks are otherwise peaceful. A sense of relaxed giddiness washes over me.

    I am happy.

    I went to Jay’s room last night, and gave myself to him. It has been something I desperately wanted, but was afraid. Afraid I wouldn’t measure up. Afraid I’d do something wrong. Afraid of it not being right.

    In the morning, I left before he woke. I wanted to wake him up, but he looked so peaceful that I didn’t have the heart. My morning run went by in a blur. The morning swim the same.

    My mind not in the present, but drifting to last night.

    I absently reach into my pouch for something to finish breakfast. Dried meat. Nuts. It doesn’t matter. Instead, my hand closes around something cold. Something hard.

    The ring of Tempus.

    The feelings of elation melt away in the breeze. It sits ominous and heavy in my hand. It dares me to wear it.

    I found one, a long time ago. I only used it once, and it saved my life. But I defied destiny and gave it to Devlin. Mom’s friend. A devout worshipper. Surely, he should have it.

    Here it is again. Either it’s returned, or its twin comes to haunt me.

    It is said Tempus only communicates in signs. I wonder desperately what he’s trying to tell me, but I’m afraid of the answer.

    In the mean time, I’m going to go to Jay’s place for lunch. If he’s still asleep I’ll wake him.

    That will be fun.


  • I’m standing here in the sun, the line of the soup kitchen behind me. Dock life swirls around me in chaos. The tension of recent events is thick, and weighs upon everyone here.

    I have little to do but watch, be wary, and think. Sometimes, guard duty is like that.

    Sometimes we reach a point in our lives, and come upon forks in the road. Despite the signs, we stand there stricken to the spot, unable to make a decision.

    That was me, until yesterday.

    I had been invited to be a “Second Knight” in the Divine Shield. One of five people ever asked. It was a tremendous honor, yet a decision filled with doubt and fear. I have no divine gifts. No covenant with the gods. Unlike mom, the gods never pay attention to me, or listen to my prayers.

    I’m simple guard in a city of many. Why me?

    I had the good fortune of meeting with Mariston in the commons, and he said something that had a profound effect on my decision. I asked what was expected, and he said, “To perfect ourselves in the eyes of our god”

    Well, not those words exactly. He spoke them far better I’m sure, than I remember. But the meaning was clear, and spoke to my heart.

    So I said yes.

    One fork in the road taken, but another remained…

    Jay and I had “The Talk”

    Some of “The Talk” was exciting. Some of it made me nervous. Most of it made me want to hide my head in the sand, and talk about something else.

    I left Jay this morning in my bed. It had been a night of exploration and intimacy for me. Something I have wanted for a long time, but was afraid to happen. Even then there were certain things we could have done but didn’t. Both of us wanted more, but I was afraid.

    I took vows of abstinence before I was even old enough to really be interested in boys, and had kept them, even after my resignation to The Order. Now there is so much I want that I find some of my goals pushed aside by thoughts of home, family, and Jay. Silly dreams of a girl with too much experience with violence, and not enough of life.

    Two forks in the road. Two paths taken.

    I pray to Tempus and Lathander that they are the right ones.

    I hope they listen.


  • The sounds of laughter and music filter out into the quiet streets near the Pissing Goat. I pass by on my rounds, and two men stagger out the door, one helping the other keep his footing

    My shift is nearly over, and I walk by, mostly lost in my thoughts.

    Jay and I sat by the fire in the Grapevine Inn. I was in his lap, and we just sat there, his arms around me, and chatted. Though little happened, it was a moment I’m going to remember for a long time. I half expected mom to bring me cookies, and I had to keep reminding myself that she wasn’t there any more.

    It was the only dark moment in an otherwise happy evening.

    I continue with my rounds, and walk past the remnants of the soup kitchen that was setup by the Sisterhood. The tables are still there and pushed against a wall.

    I grew up in the Sisterhood, and still feel an affinity for it, but wonder if it’s even “me” any more. Mom put me on the roster before she left, but like so many things in the past, are just not parts of my life now.

    I walk through the docks, and into City Hall. I turn in my report, and notice a note on the bulletin board. It says the Divine Shield is looking for Knights and men at arms of faith. A warrior of Lathander? Me? I dwell on it a moment, and take those thoughts outside.

    I leave City Hall, sit in the commons, and wonder what direction life is taking me.

    I look up into the sky, and pray to Tempus. I ask him to keep mom safe, and take care of her. The stars swirl overhead, and I watch as one of them streaks through the night, to disappear over the horizon.


  • “Mom, please don’t go. Not now.”

    I felt like a little girl in the Sisterhood again. Mom would leave to go on a journey, and I would pray every night to Tempus for her return. Days, weeks, sometimes months would pass, but she always did.

    She looked at me with both pride and sadness in her face. It was the sadness that hurt. A certain finality to this departure that left a hole in my stomach. Mom never hid anything, even from me.

    “You always welcome to come see me”, she said, brushing my hair behind my ears. Impiltur is no so far away that journey is impossible. Someday, I would like come visit you too.”

    She smiled. It was the kind of smile that could lead armies, or followers to battle. I always wanted it, but it wasn’t within me.

    “But Jay and I, we….”

    She put her long fingers over my mouth, and shook her head, “Is for your own heart to follow Yana. I know I say he is trouble, and think will always be, but you want to know secret? Adam was more trouble than ten Jays, and all people of politics put together. But I still loved him because he had good heart, and fight for what believe.”

    “And you!”, she continued, “You lose heart too much! You cannot be greatest warrior in blink of eye! You are still very much young, and it take time, patience, hard work, and much luck. There is always person in land who will beat you at anything. Remember this.”

    She looked to the caravan as it began to trickle out of town. The hole in my stomach threatened to swallow me, and tears came unbidden. Then with suddenness she picked me up and wrapped me in her arms.

    “Good luck Yana. You write letters to me, and will write to you. Come and visit, if can”

    “Yes mom”, was all I could choke out.

    She mounted her horse, and I watched her leave the gate, her feather covered braids swaying behind her.

    …and she was gone.


  • I can’t sleep.

    It’s late. Very late. But after tossing and turning for hours, I get up. I leave the guard uniform at home, put on my silks, and go for a walk.

    Except for the noise from the taverns, the docks are quiet this time of night. I walk through the streets, my feet padding quietly on the stones. I can hear waves lapping noisily, the ships creaking, and the footsteps of every passerby.

    There is a certain peace now that starkly contrasts with the chaos of the day. It’s the other side of this district’s coin.

    When he’s sober, one of the cooks at the Pissing Goat can do a mean fish fillet. I thought that perhaps some food in my stomach would help settle me, and so I head to the kitchen at the Pissing Goat to check things out. The cook was there and almost sober. He was closing up, but after few coins skittered his way he fried one up for me amidst some grumbling. I thank him, and head out into the tavern.

    The room is smoky, and filled with a whole evening of smells. The odors of unwashed humanity, liquor, and straw assail me. I settle down off to the side and eat my fish.

    Despite the hour, several tables have been pushed together, and a dozen of the crew of some unknown ship are having a good time. There is laughter, crude jokes, and insults. Two women of the Pissing Goat are sitting in laps, and enjoying the attention, drink and coin thrown their way.

    I ignore them. The fish is excellent. If this cook could remain sober for longer than a few hours, any rich household would welcome him.

    A shadow moves across my fish. I look up.

    “Hey pretty, why don’t you come over to our table?”

    He’s young. A cocky smile planted over a clean shaven face. But his eyes spell trouble. Too much liquor, a dare from comrades perhaps. Snickering from the table behind me tells me it’s probably both.

    “No thank you”, I reply. I instantly regret dressing in such haste. Showing my badge would have ended all conversation right there.

    All I want to do is eat my fish and go back to bed.

    He looks back at his friends. I glance over my shoulder. More snickering. Crude gestures.

    All I want to do is eat my fish.

    He leans down. He’s insistent. Words spill out of his mouth, a drunken line of seduction so bad I almost burst out laughing.

    He puts his hand on my arm.

    My instinct tells me several things. It tells me to twist my arm away from his thumb and press on the back of his wrist. It instantly locates two places to strike to break his arm. He would draw the knife at his side and I would slap it away, and then kick from a sitting position to the side of the head.

    But I don’t. Amidst some cheering, crude remarks and cat calls. I get up, and go over to the table with him.

    Several of them look me over. Some stare at my legs. Others higher. Too much skin and not enough silk. The kid has a possessive grip on my arm. Relief and pride are in his eyes.

    All I want to do is eat my fish.

    “I’m sergeant Yana of the Peltarch guard”, I say. “I’m also inquisitor to Magistrate Borodin. I am going to go back and eat my fish. If I am interrupted again, someone will have to explain to the captain why a warrant was obtained, and his ship searched for contraband”

    Silence. I break the grip on my arm and walk back to the table. Hushed whispers behind me. The local girls confirming my story. I sit with a sigh, and take another bite.

    My fish is cold.


  • They’re going to be trouble when they grow up.

    Two dirt covered boys, twelve years old. Lost in the twilight in between child and adult. I’ve been there, kind of. It’s a hard age to be. For me, it lasted a long time.

    I watch one of the Hartness twins begin to haggle over some fruit. He draws the attention of the proprietor, then his wife when he points to the boxes in the corner. In the mean time, his brother quietly and with great practice filches a box of strawberries, and quietly walks away.

    The proprietors should know better, but they’re new here. The Hartness twins are inseparable. Every merchant on the docks knows it, and they still lose merchandise to their shenanigans.

    Both kids were very careful to be out of sight of the “Blue and Green”, the guards that patrol the docks. The irony is that I’m off duty, and dressed in flamboyant reds, orange and yellows. I blend in by looking ostentatious.

    The boy passes by me, and I grab his ear.

    “Ow! What the f….oh, Hi lady Yana!”

    The feigned innocence is well practiced. They know me pretty well, and don’t try any foolishness. I know they both carry knives under their shirts, but drawing one now would be cause for a broken arm and the inside of a cell, even at their age.

    …and they know it.

    “Put the strawberries back Dana”, I say tiredly, but with a smile.

    “I’m Drake…that’s Dana”, he points to his brother, who walks up to us, hands in his pockets.

    I could never tell the difference, and simply shrug. “Well whoever you are, put the strawberries back before I arrest you, off duty or not”

    Drake…or Dana, sighs and puts the strawberries back. The proprietor watches in alarm and starts to raise a fuss once he realizes he’s been robbed, but I assure him that the boys have returned everything, and that I will take care of it.

    Both look at me and give me a “whatever” shrug, and walk away, inseparable as ever. I start after them, but know in my heart there is no point. They’ll never change until something truly bad happens, and scares responsibility into their lives, or kills one or both.

    That’s just the way it is sometimes.

    I reach the pier, and sit on the edge, feet dangling over the water. The sparkles of the sun on the water remind me of stars, set on a moving field of gray. If I half close my eyes, I can see them twinkle.

    If I close them completely, I think of Jay.


  • I’m walking through the streets, and I’m assaulted by a cacophony of sounds. Vendors shouting. Sailors and dock workers cursing. Children run through the street, screaming and carrying on. The gulls protest the throngs below them, and squawk their complaints. Someone starts up a stringed instrument, and it’s quickly accompanied by a flute and drums.

    It’s chaos, baked and ripened by the harsh sun.

    I love it. I could walk through the docks a thousand times, and each time would be different.

    I stop for a moment and take it all in, before I sit down on a bench for awhile and let the world pass by. Absently, I rub my arm.

    It was again, a hollow victory at the Norwick games. I win in a sport, and everyone seems impressed. A few comments, people telling me how good I am. I few grins. A couple of pats on the shoulder. But it doesn’t really count. I won at boxing. How many times do the hobgoblins or gnolls come charging in force, unarmored and bare handed?

    I can see the progress. I beat Jay. I beat Lyte. I beat Maythor. Hope swells in my heart, but is dashed to pieces in the first real fight with weapons. I stood quietly on the sidelines, frustrated.

    Now I’m sore from last night’s practice. Two days after the games in Norwick, I met Jay in the basement of the Lucky Ferret. We sparred for an hour before I turned in for the night, he with a wooden practice sword, me unarmed. I might as well learn from the best.

    I still can’t face a good swordsman, not and have a prayer of winning. It frustrates the hell out of me. I try to be patient. The elf blood tells me it will all come in time, of which I have a lot of, but the human in me snarls and gnashes its teeth, telling me to hurry up and get better before I fucking die.

    It tells me other things too.

    Jay and I have this long standing rivalry. He’s bigger and stronger than I, and uses his size and natural skills to counteract my training. We are nearly equal. He wins some. I win some. I use him as a benchmark for my progress.

    When I beat him two nights ago, a high round house kick that caught him off guard, I hugged him in relief. He returned my hug, simply happy for a friend that succeeded. Quietly, he told me to finish it, and win the whole damn thing.

    He can be such an ass, but awkwardly sweet on occasion.

    Me and Jay?

    I squeeze my eyes shut and shake out the thought. The elven part of me tells me to be patient, bide my time, and find the right person. The human part of me?

    It tells me something else.

    I open my eyes, stand, stretch, and resume my rounds. The chaos swirls around me, a little piece of it lodging in my heart.