Bagnar's Guide to Monsters
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A small black book with the title "Bagnar's Guide to Monsters in the Narfellian Region" reads:
Common Name: Goblin
Aliases: Greenskin, gobber, vermin
Notable Weak Spots: Entire body
Relatives: Hin, hinnak, snow goblin, tainted goblin
Bagnar's Opinion: Greenskins 'r nasty lil farkers who'll try an waylay decent folk lak ye an ah. They're nae very dangerous, jus' ah durned nuisance, but occasionally they'll swat ye ah good un. In meh expert 'pinion, ah'd say ter 'void 'em unless ye feel lak squashin' summat, but if'n ye're lookin' fer riches, they don't got 'em. Hins 'n greenskins 'r closely related species, neither o 'em 'r real bright or stan' much o a chance in ah real fight. But they do got quick fingers, special fer untyin' gold pouches.
Common Name: Orc
Aliases: Pig, porker, ork
Notable Weak Spots: Face, groin, toes
Relatives: Grag
Bagnar's Opinion: Bah! Orcs! Greenskins 'r smarter, but orcs do 'ave a ~bit~ o muscle to 'em. Most o 'em use big axes that 'r unwieldy, so the key to winnin' is biding time. Wait fer 'em to swing, them smack 'em upside th' noggin' while they're retractin' their weapon. They're big blokes, but a well placed blow can put 'em out fer good.
Common Name: Feral Dog
Aliases: Mangy Pup, wolf, puppies
Notable Weak Spots: Entire body
Relatives: Canines
Bagnar's Opinion: Don't get bitten. Mangy pups 'r soft. Wait fer 'em to lunge, then lunge right back. Make shure ye nae let 'em break yer skin, because who knows what diseases they got…
Common Name: Skeleton
Aliases: Deader, bones, skeles
Notable Weak Spots: Skull, vertabrae
Relatives: Anything that looks dead and moves
Bagnar's Opinion: Deaders have variety. Ye nae know whut yer fightin' till 't makes th' first move. Some o 'em cast spells, other try an hack ye apart with rusty weapons. Most o 'em try ter kill ye. Ah say pack a hammer 'r mace around in case ye ever encounter a deader. Once ye find yerself a deader, ye gotta decide how ye want to fight it. If 't's a wiggler, ye'll prolly want ter smash his fingers to dust first, then break open his noodle. If it's an armored one, go straight for the noggin'. Also, their weapons cin give ye infection. Nasty sort.
Common Name: Frost Giant
Aliases: Frosties
Notable Weak Spots: Eyes, hamstrings, toes, knee caps
Relatives: Giantkind
Bagnar's Opinion: Frosties 'r mean. Not just 'Grr, I'm ah blackguard, ye ought ter be frightened' mean, but really ~stinkin'~ mean. Most o 'em lob rocks at ye afore comin' in with an oversized weapon ter finish ye off. Th' key ter fightin' frosties is to take cover so their rocks can't git ye. Once they come in at ye, dependin' on yer weapon, smash their knee caps, toes, or hamstrings. That ought to drop 'em quick. Once they're down, give 'em a love tap on the 'ead.
Common Name: Hobgoblin
Aliases: Hobbers, filth
Notable Weak Spots: Head
Relatives: Monsters
Bagnar's Opinion: Hobbers 'r kind o a mix between goblins 'n orcs. Bigger 'n greenskins, but smarter 'n orcs. Most o 'em try ter attack travelers, an their crappy ambushes sometimes claim lives. In Narfell, most o 'em live in th' Nars, so just watch fer 'em an ye'll be okay. Hobbers fight lak savages, trying ter poke ye wherever they can reach, so there ain't really any one tactic that werks against 'em. Ah'd say just keep your guard up an wait fer 'em to slip 'r tire out. Large numbers are dangerous.
Common Name: Troll
Aliases: Greenies, Bastards that Live in the Swamp
Notable Weak Spots: Anywhere, if ye burn 'em
Relatives: Stinky, warty green things
Bagnar's Opinion: Nae fight trolls if'n ye don't got fire. Once ye are fightin' 'em, burn 'em quick, fast an in ah hurry. Make shure ye burn all th' pieces.
Common Name: Swamp Wisp
Aliases: Wisp, swamp light, zappers, glow balls, will-o-the-wisp
Notable Weak Spots: Ye find one, ye tell me
Relatives: Glow Bugs
Bagnar's Opinion: Just avoid 'em is best. If ye do happen to fight one, just beat at the glowing part until it stops hovering and glowing. Afore the battle, shield yourself from th' elements, and ye'll be fine.
Common Name: Kobold
Aliases: Lizards, rodents, rats
Notable Weak Spots: Entire body
Relatives: Dragonkin
Bagnar's Opinion: When fightin' kobolds, make them come ter ye. They're expert trappers, and they put 'em everywhere. As long as they come ter ye, ye'll win. Just beat 'em in th' chest and they go down fast enough, but careful, they lak ter swarm around ye so ye can't escape.
