Then and Now
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_My thoughts of what if?, have been pushed back. Dreaming of things at this time is simply not a luxury I have the chance to enjoy. There is so much I need to do to ready myself. Faith and training first and foremost. I need ne'er forget. There is so much I need tend to, get used to. Aft the last outting, I see I have been gone from the field, far to long.
I looked into their eyes, listened silently to their words. They think I was… careless. I was that and more. Angry as I saw the symbols upon their armor. Though twas long ago to some, I fought the thoughts of my brothers falling one by one while my teacher tries desperately to protect them. The rage grew looking at the N'Jast as the thoughts kept running through my mind. Do they know how much I fought within myself to hold. N’Jast, They have no honor, do not meet their agreements. They still would have killed her. I do not know how I know…. I just do. My boiling blood held for as long as it would. Hearing the mace coming down upon the hands so close, my reaction, twas more instinct, than anything else.
Still I was wrong. I put them in danger instead of helping protect them from it. How can I dam the feelings within me? How can I stop the memories that haunt my dreams? Can I stop it by admitting I feel guilty for not being there so long ago? For hiding behind the walls of the Senate?
I am sitting here and as I write I feel the one answer coming to me. I failed and need more training, more time for reorientation of myself to the battlefield and different situations. Only fools rush in… I am not a fool. Another experience I need to put behind me as learned from.
Perhaps once I have learned more, I shall have the chance to dream again. For now, I can not_
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_*sitting in the window sill of his room at the Mermaid, looking out at the comings and goings of the people. He waves to one or more as they pass, when they look up. He sits there with the leatherbound book, just watching, looking down at the book then resuming to watch the people as they pass. From the mirad of expressions some would say he is peaceful, some calculating, still others would say calmed… Those that know him may recognize something that has not been seen in the many years since the war...
He opens the book and runs his hand over the page, the scratching sound seems to only last an instant...*
What if…?
then he lays the book upon the table next to the window and returns to watch the city and its activity pass by, mentally taking notes of all he sees_
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_The writing on this page is not the gentle strokes that would normally be seen. From the look of it, you could think he is hurried, nervous, or excited. Which is still left to be seen
What is it about this time? What is it about the here and now? I have been given such gifts after such challenges and agonies. I am left pondering and… By Helm’s might, I learn my limitations as well. I know I am not making much sense and am trying to write this, that I may find an ease to the thoughts racing through my mind.
Swirls of intricate knots drawn on the page
My mentor has been helping me and as our Gods are allies, I believe, so are we. I trust her. I trust the manner in which she conducts training. I trust her wisdom and yes her talents even with my very life. She found fault in my techniques and stances in battle and is helping me to correct it. Interestingly enough, it seems as her gentle and polite persuasions have not changed and I find myself relaxed and feeling more as if they are encouragements than corrections. It seems to make the relearning? Much easier and I feel the accomplishments strengthening, not only my arm, stance, and swing, but my confidence as well.
Twas my thought that, in speaking of her and our friendship and what has transpired, I would calm within a bit, though it seems that shall not happen, perhaps if …..
A quiet, seemingly innocent man appeared in the commons this past eve. My mentor and I were preparing to leave to the west for some battle testing. He states his name is Alex and that he is a priest of my Lord Helm. I could not believe what I was hearing. Aft a brief conversation he decided to join us. He seems a good man. Young and unsure, though I am certain confidence shall come in time. I am still concerned for he tries, though he knows not much in the ways of Helm and I believe he has confused some of Torms edicts with Helms. I shall be referring him to my mentor, that he will learn better the ways of the priest, as Sigmund is dead.
I shall be watching him and watching o’er him as he wished to speak in private about my faith and how or why Helm turned from me. The conversation seemed well versed and I am a bit more confident with him. I have also sworn another oath, to him, to protect him while he spreads the faith and light about the city. That is two oaths sworn. Perhaps I am mad though I felt a surge of power and strength, as if someone is watching me. I feel as if I am seeing the path and the possibilities… seem unlimited._
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_*sitting by the waterfall, looking over the cliff and watching the sun rise in the east, he shakes his head and looks down at the blank page. His bare fingers touching it then drawing over it slowly. He picks up the quill with, what could be considered, a look of mixed joy and sorrow, perhaps indifference and a smile? The sound of the quill lightly scratching against the parchment begins… *
Helm,
I try to find that place I once was, that drive, and yet I find myself out of practice and unsure upon the field of battle. Have I become so stagnant? I fooled myself into believing that I could simply walk out of those walls, that they did not hold "Me". Instead, I have have been doing naught but hiding. You have given me so much and still I follow what I think I should. Forgive this servant and shine your light upon me as I travel the path you have set afore me. I was a daft fool, though I shall learn from my mistakes.
You have placed those in front of me that know my walls, my defenses, my weaknesses within. I thank you for that my Lord. I ponder if You have had hand in reuniting me with my family, mentor, and those friends that have stayed true. I thank you for your protection and strength, I thank you for your vigilance. May I always be a shining example of You. May you grant me the strength to see it through to the end, no matter where that end might lead.
signed in an eloquent elven hand
You servant, calen
swirls in a line across the page
My mentor has returned and I am so happy. Tis as if a warmth to my heart has returned, knowing that she still believes in me. I remember her teachings. Faith first, Always. I remember her confidence in me. I remember the long talks and the training afore she needed leave. I remember how lost I found myself as my family, teacher, mentor, and friends were taken from me, seemingly one by one. Now one by one… It seems that whence needed most, they return. I find my heart is NOT taken.
My sister is well, strong, and as endearing as ever. I do love her so and tis good to see her and my brother-in-law together. He is so quiet and introverted whence they are apart. I hope to be able to spend more time with them afore she needs leave, though I know that they have precious time together now and I do not want to be the cause of an interruption of that.
I have met a man I need watch, I believe. He seems well enough, though, with the loss of my sight into mens hearts, I shall need be vigilant and observant,for now. I have also met a hin and an elf that I find quite interesting and hope to learn more of. I shall continue to watch them as well. Perhaps we shall .....
scribbles upon the page as if in thought that stop_
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_Looking out over the water then back again, keeping watch, sword across lap and shield slung over shoulder to protect his back, he pulls the worn leatherbound book from his pack and lays the quill upon the parchment leaving an ink spot from holding it there to long, when he come to realize this he begins to write
I think back on how you protected me, from the elements and the people of Tethyr. How you guided my steps and I followed surefooted. She is correct. I can not protect the weak and do what is needed of me by you, if I am confined to the inner chamber of a building. I can not follow your eddicts if I am sheltered from the very people you wish me to watch over. A Helmite is bold and strong, no matter the circumstances; Vigilant and watchful in his observations and assessments; Sure and swift in his duty.
Helm, when did I lose myself from you? I have been thinking much on this, praying much on this, meditating and I have come to realize that you sent the signes long ago, in the friends you knew I would listen to and I let my pride get in the way. I let myself get caught up in the games and trickery of politics. How could I have been so blind?
swirls of ink unerline the last question
No more. My Life Is Yours Again, My Lord Helm. I swear it.
*He closes the book quietly and quickly places the book in his pack, as the soft rain begins to fall. He stands, sure footed and ever watchful over his friend, shield blocking the rain, with care, so that more sleep may be had, at least for now *_
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_It has been a long time since I have seen you or given my thoughts to your pages….
- Calen looks over the old leatherbound journal and hears the creak of the cover as he opens it up. The page edges are worn and, in some places, brittle. he takes a lightly damp rag and gently rubs the rag against the pages with the book closed and upon opening it again the creaking seems to have lessened. He looks down at the second book, laying beside him, the Seal of Helm, emblazoned upon it.
He looks into the fire, upstairs, at the Mermaid Inn. He shakes his head slowly, lowering it. He seems dismayed and talks to himself in hushed tones. Suddenly, the quill touches the parchment and the sound of words being scratched upon the page is all that can be heard in his ears through his focus *
Helm, why is it that you bless me with the feeling of things that others do not understand? I have followed your way, Gaurded the temple, even whence needed to do so alone, protected those weaker than I, even with my own life. I followed your lead. Your way, your light, why does no one understand you as Sigmund did? Triani is gone. The letters are shorter and shorter these days. My thoughts betray me thinking more that she wished to only experience a man and has found the love in her soul, as a mother to Whyat. I asked her for guidance. She told me you would speak to me when it was time.
When it is time???? How can I redeem myself when I know not why you turned from me? I found good in Priestess' heart, long before I knew her to be evil. I found honesty in the Admiral and Captain, to want more than a reputation for their crew. The crew members each having their own aspirations that could be achieved. I was building a shrine to you to shine in the darkness of Oscura, began forming a bond with one in leadership there, and helped with the liberation of slaves. Please Lord, show me how I may find redemtion in your eyes.
- He shakes his head again, sighs, moves to the window and sits upon the open sill, looking out over the commons, then scratching continues *
My disappointment seems to consume at times, then eases, then returns again. I am not resting, at all well, and have taken to prayer more than socializing, as you know , my Lord Helm. You know all, you know the trials and judgements I face.
Go before me, Lead me where you will. I beg this of you…
I have heard she has returned... So many years... I look for her as I walk the commons atween meetings of the Senate. Did you have a hand in this?
- He sets the book aside the bunk on top of his pack and lays back on the lower bunk, the exhaustion finally takes him as does the darkness on the inside of his eyelids*_
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_{the long elegant strokes of the characters show a distinct elven influence in the writing}
it has been months since I have written in this book. with all the training, the needs of protection being met, the continued writing of my lessons learned, I should put it all in once place more often, to have easier access to it {ink swirls}
of Faith
Helm continues to bless me with gifts I did not think possible of a mortal man. perhaps that is why I am surprised with each one? because I am mearly mortal? I wonder at times if He enjoys my surprise and excitement when I find a new gift? does it please Him? {ink swirl like thinking} the lessons I am learning about faith and my Lord grow steadily as questions are asked of me that I have to think about the answers. situtations I am put in, challenge me and test my conviction and thus far I have been successful as Helm seems to strengthen me within. the thoughts of why? though have started to surface. why? does my faith and the place my Lord has put me seem to deter some from me instead of to me. why? do others see those of us called to service as such that are boring and disconnected from all around us?
of Training
I have learned a knew defensive stance and tactics for battle. though my proficiency lacks, my talent for it continues to grow and my knights continued persistence helps. she has been having me spar with others of better skill so that I may learn from them as well. the wisdom in her teaching has begun to show itself as I have found that for different foes I must adapt and change in small ways to better utilize my weapon and shield as well as the overcome the restrictions my full plate armor cause. I am fortunate to have her as a teacher and honored to be her squire. my hope is that with all the training, soon I shall be able to be knighted. perhaps I wish to much to quickly? I do hope not and pray daily that Helm grants me the strength to continue on.
of Love
I have not seen the songstress in months, or is it a year now. no word, no corresspondence {ink swirls then heavy ink like words written very slowly} just like the other. my path seems laid before me and I shall continue on in my service to Him and where He guides me.
of Family
Fayde is nowhere to be found and though my heart hurts from her leaving I can only pray that my Lord watches over her wherever she may be. on a more happy note {inkswirls} I have spent much time with my sister. Yes, sister! she calls me! I have, it seems found a family of sorts! Praise Helm! she and her fiance are quite a pair to watch and be around. they have asked me to be in their wedding party which I of course gratefully accepted. {ink swirls} note : I must figure out a way to carry snowballs !!_
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_of Faith
Helm continues to send people to me to help with my decisions and assist with the consequences of the bad ones. I followed Grag to the Bugbears. I asked him about the them, wanting to know my enemy and what I would face as Helm commands. I must report to my knight what happened and I am ashamed. I pray only that Helms strength is with me when I speak with her and that she will wish to continue with my training.
of Battle
I asked about the bugbears weaknesses and Grags explaination was simple and his confidence in my strength was flattering. the bugbears were stronger than I had anticipated. I should have taken more thought about the enemy and their tactics.The patrol was difficult but I stood my ground until a druid bugbear had me pinned between a tree and Grag himself. I would not have made it back to Norwick if twas not for a ranger?, Druid?, named Star. She saved my life.
of Love
it has been days and aft the last time I saw my songstress, I worry if she will seek me out again. I did not mean to frighten her. She had reacted differently to the first time I kissed her. I opened up to her. showed her when I am playful, showed her my weakness, showed her respect and that i can be delicate and showed her my heartache. was that not what she had hoped for? was that not her words to me? I pray she is safe and Helm and Llira watch over her
of Family
people are begining to ask about Fayde, though I have not seen her in many days. since THAT day. she is strong and knows herself well. Helm watch over you my daughter._
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_of Faith
I had relief for a few hours from the Temple as Just'ene took over the watch for me. My brothers are faring well and improving every day. I am writing about the things I have learned thus far in my training and studying and helping those travelers that are looking for shelter. I pray each day for Helms strength to continue to see me through. I am trying.
of Love
My songstress came to visit me there and brought me food and a lollipop. Twas the first one I have ever had. She needed to show me how to eat it and laughed a little. I do enjoy her smile and look forward to when we can sit toghter again and that I can hold her. I have {scratched out} feelings that are growing for her. I want to show them, though I do not want to frighten her away. I can only wait.
of Family
anger, fear, pain, no regret, no remorse, hate….............. from being locked away for so long seems to have surfaced in my daughter, in Fayde. the lack of contact for so many years leaaves her without basic understandings that she is left to learn that makes her even more angry. I do not know if I can reach her now. I gave her a target in me and now she hates me for it. I can only find comfort in knowing she did not hurt another and end up in jail and in a hole again. I hope one day she will understand. Where is Taria? she could help so much in this. I do not know what to do?
of Duty
The goblin army in the west mountains has grown since last seen. The companions I was with and I were forced to retreat and this time on leaving we found the frozen bodies of three frost giants. There is also a change in the, once empty, town of Ormpur. the undead walk, in two and four legged form. I report it to the Legion. I understand that there is much troubling these lands but our home is in danger now and we need a plan and our forces to stand to defend it. We also have friends that we can call on from Spellweaver. I hope my report is taken seriously_
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_{written in a way that the ink shows this page took a long time to write with smudge and ink droplets in places}
of Faith
My training progresses. I believe my trainer thinks the same. she seems to have much patience with me. That is the good news. The bad is that I needed to leave our last session to defend the temple of Helm in Jiyyd. Snowgoblins attacked the Temple of Helm and killed all but one acolyte inside, then from the destruction outside it would seem they were trying to burn the building down. I have contacted Vroka and she came to the temple and performed the ressurection ritual and with Helms blessing all are resting until they are able to return to their duties at the Temple. I shall be taking on their duties there until their return. These enemies are a threat to All of Jiyyd and its people and I have sent word out of a goblin hunting party aft my duties here at the temple ease.
I have sent a messenger to a small few people including my trainer and hope that she has the time to travel that we can continue forth.
of Family
I have not seen my daughter in many days and pray that Helm watches over her. what has she gotten herself into now? Is she safe? with each patrol I hope to come upon her though each time I feel a little disappointment when I do not find her. she is strong and stubborn {inkswirl}I know she shall return. I hope she will return….......... soon.
of Love
I await the return of my songstress with nervous anticipation. she has admired the clothing miss Lacey peddles through her store in Jiyyd and on a chance meeting with miss Lacey I have aquired a gift I hope shall bring a smile to my songstress' beautiful face._
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_to many thoughts, so much happening, need to rest so I write to not to forget it all that it may help me in the future {inkswirls}
of Faith
Prayers each day, asking to show well for Helm under his watchful eye. within me excitement, anticipating nervousness at such a simple word. the smile it brought me. did I resemble feeble minded man or was seen the commitment, fear of failure, strength in determination? made to think and better for it. Training has started. step forward…......squire {inkswirls turn to drwaings of stars}
I must focus on on my duty to Helm. has he set a task before me? The one lost is now found, the soul returned to a new life revealed. my thoughts in the past vindicated. true, I still do not completely believe. perhaps in time my questions answered and my mind eased. I shall tell the priestess. am not fit to help teach? am I?of Battle
Was sucessful in fight in the front lines for the first part and guard and protect the rear for the second part of the formation on the last patrol into the deep east rawlins. General Lyte commended me on my strengths and tactics. I am proud but know there is still so much to learn. My strengths grow in battle and though Helm has seen fit to bless me with the power to heal, tis only a small gift that I have learned to use only in the most dire of situation. The experience of being able to stand front line and fight, even if for just part of the battle, helps me sharpen skills and my swords swing seem become stronger every day.
of Love
she calls me her soldier boy. hers. my songstress, her smile the way it warmed through the stone that had grown within this chest. I feel it. she combed? played with? my hair with her fingers whilst holding her by the fire. it felt good, different? twas a feeling I can not explain any other way. she is happy for me for my training and knows I have duties that must come first. my hope she knows my heart feelings sincere and from where they come. beauty falls about her. in her bright eyes, soft skin, gentle touch, caring voice, unforgettable skills, and heartmoving talents. when we are able to enjoy each others company tis as the time apart erased, this feeling grows for me and seems to for her. tis my hope{inkswirls to little drawings of flowers}
of Family
she learns faster than I can teach, awareness of everything around. thus far my prayers heard that Helm keep her safe. her heart so big and kind to all. with corruption all around, I worry, but is that not a fathers job? I can not shelter her more than she has been and can only help her along the way. answered questions, even difficult ones. she must be able to make good decisions and learn from mistakes. {note on side of page to thank Ronan and Ah'ria} I have not seen her in many days now. I can only hope she is well and knows she has someone to turn to. {inkswirls trail off with blotch at end as if pen was setting on page to long}_
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{book left open turned to this page in a room that looks like he was in a hurry to leave. the page is written in very elegant handwriting as if he took much time to write it}
_Faith First
I spoke with Sigmund and with his gentle nod and strong hand upon my shoulder he blessed me to continue my training. He gave to me a book to deliver to the one that shall be training me hence forth. I feel stronger knowing I have his encouragement to step forward. He and the knights need to defend the temple and with all that has happened think it better that I receive my training away from the temple in safety, though he wishes my return to be knighted in the temple of my Lord Helm. I have the other instruments that were requested. Now, I rest, here in my room in Jiyyd. I pray and read and clear my mind. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I try to rest though tis slow to come, though it comes none the less, thankfully.
Of Love
My feelings continue to grow for my songstress. We finally had the meal together we had both hoped for. We talked and as we talked the urge to kiss her finally overcame me and it was returned. Twas only upon the cheek though I could no longer help myself. I am learning how a knight should be proper but I enjoy so much more. I want to open up to her and she to me. I think on the words of the wise one and feel my songstress is honest and though my heart is careful I believe she is sincere to her feelings for me as well. I am trusting again what my heart feels and taking that step. I do not believe I shall be able to hold back the gift I have for her whence we meet again. {ink swirls}I hope again is soon.
Of Family
Nothing held but hatred for so long that I could not see anything else. Duty and Helms call that day in the woods changed all of it though I did not know for certain, the extent, until now. I knew I was to follow him. I knew aft arriving here and the people I have met that I was where he wants me to be. I never realized he has also taught me of my heart and the fire of hatred that needed to be put out. I was wrong and perhaps one day I shall be able to return to the forrest and to home I once knew. Perhaps it will be a joyous occasion for all. I have learned as much from my new daughter as she seems to have learned from me. I grow as she does and though I am learning ways to temper my protectiveness of her, we continue to move forward. I was able to sit and talk with the lady she calls mother. Twas a pleasant conversation filled with laughter, concern, agreement, and trust building atween us. I am quite happy we are beginning to understand one another more.
I must rest now before setting out to meet the one who is to train me. Helm watch over me and give me strength. I must not forget the letter for her signed and sealed by Brother Sigmund himself…. {ink trails off}_
{ooc : fixed grammar and a few other things}
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_Tis finished
Faith first. I await the priestess I am to speak to to start my training though she is nowhere to be found. My patience holds and I am vigilant in my time. when the training starts, I shall focus on nothing else except the one that has come to call me Father. She looks to me for guidance and so I shall give it to her. I feel I have grown through many adventures and the prople I have met and shant allow my weaknesses to stop me._
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{book left open with quill laying on it in the Royal Inn room Calen frequents}
_sidekick? {ink taps} sidekick? {inktap smudge}
I feel something in me different that I can not explain, like a memory from long ago lost in time. I thought writing about her and how I enjoy helping her learn would be enough though I do not think what I said was right. There is a pride in me wellling and showing with each of her accomplishments and with each step of progress she makes. I am becoming protective of her, overprotective? finding myself warning her more and more of dangers around these lands. more oft than not she already knows and I feel a little silly for saying anything. Still, she looks at me with a caring gentle look that says she knows it is her welfare I care about.
I rejoice and am proud of her in the discoverys she has made and the people she tells me about that help her. I listen and assess when she tells me of the people she meets and the ones she calls her friends. overprotective? I now have a resounding hate for bugbears. {inkswirl}
I think these thoughts really touched me when she followed me to the apothecary. I needed to rest aft we traveled through the Nars and one of the larger Hobbers injured me. She stood there and waited for me to climb into the bed then pulled the blanket up over me, much like a child trying to find someway to help a parent who is ill.
a child. {ink swirl} a parent {inkswirl} perhaps this is what I am feeling. I have spent so long looking for my parents. So long trying to find out what it would feel like to have real parents. Did my elven parents feel this for me? for their other children? Have I been wrong all this time? Have I hated the wrong people? I thought I had these feelings settled in me but she has brought them out and made me face more of myself than I ever thought I would {ink trails off}_
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_By Helm, it has been many an evening since I have written in this book, however, tis good news I write as the path to become a Watchknight becomes clearer. Aft so long, waiting, watching, and following the eddicts of my God, that each step is being defined by the the people I meet. I know Helm watches over me as he leads me from one person to another bringing me closer to the goal. As advised, I have spoken to the knight I was directed to and found out much information about the next step to take. My training should start soon once I find the next one I am to speak to. When I awaken, I am excited, thinking will this be the day? I am admittedly apprehensive and a little nervous. I admire the one I am to learn from and I do not wish to dishonor Helm by failing in the training. I shall do all nessessary to complete what is requested of me. I pray vigilantly that Helm will continue to watch over me and give me strength throughout to stand strong for him.
{ink swirls ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}
I have recently received a note from my songstress. I wonder if she knows this is what I call her? SHE IS WELL and she wishes to see me! I have looked for her though I have yet to find her. The tune she hummed the first evening we met and the sound of her voice stays with me even when I can not sleep at night and tis calming. I left another note for her with a good friend. I know he can be trusted to see that she gets it. I hope to hear from her again soon as I do not know what the training will entail or if I shall be able to see her during or will need to wait until the training is complete. I do hope to spend even a little time with her. I have missed her. {little drawings of suns, halfmoons, and stars}
{ink swirls~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}
I have a new friend as well. A follower of Helm and now a recruit in the Legion. I met her in Norwick. As I did my patrols and helped others I noticed her sitting near the fire. No one spoke to her and she spoke to no one. Aft a few hours, I decided to rest and eat and began talking to her only to find she could not speak common. To my surprise she did not know any language except a little shou. I remembered how miss Sara first communicated with me and began doing the same and aft a week she was able to speak basic common words. She is a boxer and a very good one, besting me more than once. She seems to have an understanding about her that is beyond mine and prides herself on learning as much as she can. She was knighted and so happy when she told me about it. She pointed at me, seemingly as if she knew of my aspirations to be a knight and then proudly pointed to herself saying the word "Knight" Some setbacks have befallen her though she is strong willed and faces each challenge head on. Tis much like having a sidekick when I travel and I only hope that I can help her to learn her path as others have helped me to find mine.
Tis patrol time and I must go {ink trails off}_
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_I must rest. I could not believe what I saw when I came to town. Radriel was there. aft almost a year. I walk into Norwick and she is sitting at the fire. my questions many, her answers short. her eyes empty of the kindness and laughter I once saw in them, replaced by a prominent scar stretching from her cheek to her neck.
is it wrong to care? is it wrong to offer help. she slapped me when I told her it mattered to me what had happened. she is a cold different person. I had hoped we would sit and talk. That she would tell me what happened. She did but was vauge. talking about making attonement for her past. What could turn her so cold? she seems more an enemy than a friend now.
I hope her heart has found peace from her past. I hope Helm watches over her. I hope I have a chance to speak with her, though I doubt it shall happen.
I must get a party together and deliver supplies to Jerrick and the other druids._
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_The night is quiet and tis raining again. I would think that floods would start though the land seems to drink it up as I do water aft a hard fought battle. I continue to train with the new bastard sword and it feels more sure in my hand each and every day. General Lyte says I am getting better and I still read through my manual to make certain I am proceeding as I should when we go out on patrols.
I am tired of seeing the fallen soldiers of Jiyyd laying in the plains left to rot. I found one just past the treeline south of the archers and the poor soul I found had almost made it home. It seemed he fought to his dying breath taking one of the scavengers with him. I pulled the shortsword from his gut and carried him back leaving him in the capable hands of miss Just'ene to be buried. What else could I do?
I went off hunting for food aft as I was hungry and realized I had not done so since taking the supplies to Jerrick in the south east Rawlins wood.
Speaking of Jerrick, it was good to see him. He seems dulled in spirit but had a smile for me and my companions. twas quite a sight to see him sitting there speaking with a demon, one with great power in fact. I knew I would die if I attacked so thought it better to listen and watch, assessing as I had been taught. He is an odd demon. quite jovial and bored it seemed as well as not to bright. I believe he tried to taunt me with a joke though I did not understand his meaning. Then he tempted me to attack and when he raised his backside to me I leaned forward and poked it with an old rusty dagger and stepped back. He found that laughable?? quite an odd demon. Though one I hope not to see again soon.
{ink swirls}I have to deliver the information to him though it is possible he already received it {ink swirls}
I must also be careful with the task I am undertaking. I have spoken to the only one that would understand, the only one I felt I could trust. I have also been given good direction and advice. With Helm's help all will go well.
{ink swirls}
I wonder, in the quiet of night, where she has gone. if she is well. what stories of her journies she has for me. to see her soft smile and feel her warm hug would bring me the greatest of pleasure. I do hope she is safe. I listen for her as I travel hoping to hear her singing or reciting poetry. my insides warm when she is around me and though I do not quite understand why, I do like the sensation.
I miss you {ink swirls} I miss you {ink swirls} I miss you_
-
_{book lay open to next page}
what does it all mean?
a meeting by chance, a good hunt, a common understanding. converation, the tending of wounds, a warm embrace. a look of sorrow, not pity and the tone of concern. a word of warning, threatening, jovial, caring. a casual meeting aside the fire, green, a short walk, a long walk, more details more comfort more eagerness to share.
Soft and mysterious, strong willed and thoughtful, alert and protective, careful and caring and all I wish to do is learn more._
-
A book lays open in the room Calen lives in at the Royal Inn in Jiyyd:
_I traveled back to Jiyyd, weakened, not the triumphant warrior of Helm I had hoped to be when I returned to tell Sigmund the tales of the past weeks. I enjoy the story time that Sigmund and I share and the lessons I learn from it. Sigmund repeats himself constantly, but I know it is for my own good and it makes me smile because he reminds me of the old man that taught me about humans, from a human point of view, and how to speak correctly in common.
That seems like a lifetime ago, now.
We prayed and I began to feel better. I remember the encouragements of the people I respect and Sigmunds calm demeanor helps as well.
We sit in a private room of the Temple of Helm and I tell Sigmund of the wonders I have seen and felt. The power of Torms healing, the strength and blessings that tickle from Chauntea. The friendship, strength, and honor I have found in the people I have chosen to call friends. I even showed Sigmund the new language, though only two words, that I am slowly learning. Sigmund even smiled when he hears of me losing my hearing for a short time in the Legion Hall when I was shown an invention.
"Now on to what troubles you young warrior?", Sigmund says matter of factly. I give him a sad look and sigh before pulling my thoughts together and then speaking.
I told him of the battle in the cave and of the two that rushed ahead. How I waited for the rest of the party before proceeding only after hearing the crys of battle ahead of me. I watched as I ran and saw nothing, but, that is what I was supposed to see. How we were unprepared and of my
disappointment in myself for not stopping and the conflict between that and of feeling responsible for helping to protect those in the party."Twas a trap, they were forming behind us and everyone that had entered was focused on the first contacted enemy, including me".
How I had fallen and was helped, only to see the attack from behind start and call out and warn the others before I was felled again, this time for certain. How my mind was tormented and teased by this creature that chased me through the nothingness and how I had heard the voice once again calling out to me mocking Helm and trying to tempt me to turn against a god that does not listen to prayers. I continued on speaking about my embarassment over the conversation near the fire of Norwick, when I chastised another for making statements about my faith they had no right to make.
Sigmund, seeing the turmoil in me, stops me with a strong but caring hand to my shoulder. His words follow. "The path you follow is hard. Do not be discouraged by the ignorance of knowledge in your Lord by others nor let it anger you, for you will be given times to share your knowledge with them. Ever watchful and ever vigilant. Your path is a bright one young warrior, though at times I know you can not see it. Perhaps your example will even bring them to the light to follow Helm themselves.
The old man rises and pats me on the back telling me I need rest. He is right. He tells me we will talk more tomorrow._
-
_plaything, toy, the laughter and pain in soul, did she make it through, were ok?
I had to jump in the way.
the fatal blow a hot sensation begining in my head and corsing through my veins. blackout, then the she devil. taunting me. offering me return for my soul. I shake my head. no no no I say over and over and walk away.
why did they rush without regard to the group.
Lord Helm I shant let it happen again. I will speak my mind, be heard, and leave if nessesary. I shant be unprepared. Helm forgive me for my rashness. I accept that there shall be times when I give my life for another.
more training needed. How to explain common sense?
I must rest now. so weak. so tired. perhaps…. {ink smudge}_