3. The Journal of a Crazed Sorcerer

The Journal of a Crazed Sorcerer


  • ((The journal is meant to be vague and lacking in detail. Just a side note for those who actually read my silly writing 🙂 ))

    Ronan sits in his prison cell, opening up an empty book and dipping his pen into the ink. He looks up, thoughtful, then just shrugs and begins to write:

    Entry 1

    So, here I sit, and out of boredom I begin to write my thoughts. This prison is getting quite old, quickly. What've I done to get here? Nothing according to evidence these magistrates, senators, and paladins have. In fact, they have nothing. Interesting how hateful a paladin can be and how "she" can manipulate the laws for her own gain. I won't mention her name, since she is not even worthy of mention.

    I've support from a few places, it seems. Even a senator feels sympathetic, which is quite good. Many visitors come… ambassedors, senators, paladins, good aquaintances, and a lover.

    These good aquaintances would be the Sails. A pirate group whos goals are to make money. They're all as described... pirates. Most of them annoy me, which is good I suppose... since irritation and anger fuel my power. All of them, save for one or two, are not worthy of mention here yet. The one I'd like to mention is this rathe-.. the word stops there and the sentence changes …-well, her name is Sabre.

    She irritates me, and I irritate her. But there is no one I trust more, I think. We once played this game, to see who's life was more horrible. She would tell me one thing, then I'd have to tell her one thing. Anyway, I told her things I've told no one else. To this day, I cannot decide which of our lives were worse. There was much to compete with. She visits me here, trying to calm me. It usually fails, since this building up of anger is driving me near insane, but she continues to try even when I throw insults or smart remarks. It shows she actually cares for someone like me. -he chuckles to himself after he writes the sentence- Even in my written thoughts, I feel mushy. Perhaps I am getting soft.

    There is one other who visits me constantly, moreso than anyone else. A young bard girl, perhaps too young for me. -he winces at the "too young for me" part in his sentence, then promptly scribbles over it- Her name would be Mareann. Lovely girl, pretty and a personality I rather enjoy. Though that usually is not enough for me. Rumors are true that I "get around." But since I've met her, it is odd… I intended for her to be just some one night thing. Though, I am still with her after all these months. I promised myself that there should be no room for "caring" or "love," since it is only a weakness that can be used against me by my enemies. Though, each time I see her it becomes more and more difficult to keep this promise. Idiot. How did this happen? Am I that weak? At this point, I could care less.

    She has also fallen for me, which is surprising. After all the rumors and gossip she has heard about me, she still stays. She worries about me even. I do not get it. I am charming yes, but I still do not get. I know that, eventually, she will find out who I really am and what skeletons lay in my closet. Until then, I will enjoy her company as long as I can and stick to her and only her.

    -A guard comes to the cell door and kicks dirt at Ronan, almost shouting, "Lights out pretty boy, get to your bunk or huddle next to Bub.." The guard then walks off, his armor clanking. Ronan writes down one more thought in this entry-

    I wonder what a certain guard here fears most…

  • R

    ((bump))


  • Entry 62

    Another fight with the sailor woman and her man. Very tiring, though I do not believe I was the one who started it up. He overreacted. Though in recent days that has been the only thing thats been bothering me. No other strange dreams since that last one, so it was just random. In fact, I've been doing quite well for myself.

    First off, I am able to control myself much more easier now. Well, not as much myself as what runs through my veins. It seems so easy. How did I have problems with this before? How silly of me. Experience does make things easier. Meditation. Careful use. Emotional control. That is all I needed to do, really. I still use bottled up emotions for certain spells, but now I can descern friend from foe, so that is always good.

    Secondly, is my engagement. I've mentioned this in previous entries, but it is hard not to constantly write down how excited I am. This will certainly turn my life for the better.

    Lastly, I was discovered. Discovered by those who think like me. Mayhaps this is what I've been looking for. A sign. These certain individuals will give me a purpose, and I will be rewarded. Rewarded with allies, sancturary, and… other things. I've been alone for awhile now, so alone. Alone in a sense that none understand me. A few exceptions of course but, these individuals will let me know what is needed. My future is looking up, and time shall reveal what is to be intended for me.


  • Entry 56

    I had a strange dream. No, a nightmare. I am going to write a summary of it so I do not forget it, for I feel it holds some meaning:

    _It was about me, or a part of me. I could see myself, a doppleganger, if you will. It looked like me, though my eyes were missing and the eye sockets were pitch black. The doppleganger seemed drenched in blood with a sadistic grin on its face. I followed it around Narfell, routes I would usually take. It talked to people I knew, and these people seemed to ignore what the doppleganger of me looked like. They talked casually, though each time a coversation would end, the thing would look directly at me and grin wider.

    Eventually, it went to the college, and then to my love. They kissed. This was… disturbing to say the least.. I watched as they began to talk in hushed whispers. Occasionally my love would giggle and then the doppleganger would touch her in some affectionate way on her face. After a bit of this, she turned away from it and then the doppleganger pulled a knife, seemingly from nowhere, looking back at me with that sadistic smile and saying:

    "History will repeat itself."

    It then raised its arm, holding the dagger and then thrust it down toward her._

    That is when I woke up. It seemed so real, so vivid, that I quickly pulled the covers aside to make sure the one next to me was all right. She was. Sleeping peacefully. The ring on her finger glowing softly, though not enough to be a hiderance to sleep.

    I shall not mention this nightmare to her or anyone yet, since it could just be something random. I have not been able to sleep well for the past few nights, which I think is understandable-….

    the rest of the entry seems to just be excuses, theories, and strange thoughts


  • Entry 42

    A second chance.

    I have received a second chance at happiness with another. I have not been this excited in a long while and I do hope that it will last. I forsee nothing getting in the way of this happiness, and that enhances my excitement. I will not screw this up. Not like I did with S-.. the name seems to be crossed out No, I -wont- screw this up. I shall take advantage of this chance.

    I can feel myself starting calm down. The response she gave me when I asked seemed to wipe all negative emotions, from other things, away. Maybe this is what I was missing, what was controlling me. I no longer feel I -have- to just unleash everything I have on some poor creature, unless in self defense. The addiction of my gift is seeming to lessen a little, and I've barely casted any magics in the past few weeks, save for helping friends and such.

    Am I finally gaining control?


  • Entry 37

    Change.

    My days are mostly filled with sitting on benches and rocks, recently. During my time of doing absolutely nothing, I've thought about some things, and if they should be changed.

    One thing is my associations. Does that need to be changed? The current organization I'm in only seems to piss me off more daily, but is that a good thing? It could be, since I've unlocked new hidden talents of mine using this anger. Now I can control it fully and use it whenever I please. I'll stick with it a little longer, see what else happens…

    ...as for my other friends, they're wrapped up in their own personal lives. Some friends involve me in them, some dont. I've actually been happy enough just talking with people and joking and laughing... things like that. Maybe I'm losing sight of my purpose with all this socializing. No, I cant be, since I am thinking about it this moment. I have something to do, though this ''something'' could be a betrayal. Lie, I can lie. I dont have to betray anyone, I can just lie. I wonder what would happen if this follower of Waukeen found out I lied. Who cares... he'll believe me.

    One friend I've taken on as a sister practically. She's enjoyable to be around, and she always entertains me. One of the very few people I can actually trust. Though, I hope her beliefs do not entertwine with my own in a negative way at any time. So far, we've been able to be good friends and I hope to keep it that way. That seems to be the thing that divides people the most here, is their beliefs and faith. Not that I'm surprised by that though.

    As for my romantic relationship, I hope to take it a step further though, once she is less busy and not as tired from her work at the college. My second chance. Perhaps I wont screw this one up.


  • Entry 30

    I am beginning to think that I am losing my mind. Everything is becoming so tiresome, so irritating, so depressing. I am letting these things get the best of me, but it is hard for it not to… hard to not let it take control.

    The sweet release of my powers is not enough, in fact... it can make things worse. I love my gift, but now it just seems to constantly want to be unleashed. Two souls in one body, it feels like.

    Today, it finally managed to take control. The poor elf, whom I did not even realize was on the ground in front of me, in a pool of his own blood, his ribs broken. People were yelling at me to stop. Stop what? Stop from nearly killing him. Glaring eyes stared at me, and it just made me even more angry. I had not realized what I did until it was explained. The brawling sailor told me it took control, and I nearly beat the elf to death by kicking him while he was down. I thought I had it under my control, but no, it finally broke free on its own. Glaring eyes.

    Maybe I should ignore it for a while. Let it beg and plead for its release, let it know that I am in command of it. Meditate. Just meditate. Live a normal life, as if I had no gifts, just for a little while. Help my love with her chorse around the college, then whisper sweet nothings into her beautiful ear. Yes. That always calms me down, everytime. To see her smile is release enough. She is the only one who smiles when she sees me, the only one who isnt blaming me for something rediculous. Just a smile and a kiss.

    After writing the last paragraph, Ronan stops his writing and smiles to himself. He rises off his favorite bench in the Peltarch commons, then walks with a quick pace toward the college.


  • Entry 27

    It has been long since I have written last. But I only usually write out of boredom, as usual.

    I've changed quite a bit since my last entry. Mostly in my powers, which are getting stronger and easier to control as time passes. I find the littlest things dont annoy me as much anymore, which is good. I need to be polite, to be fake in front of some people, no matter how much I might dislike them.

    I find that my powers have become more destructive, I did not choose… that. I just feel as if I could destroy homes, cities, and armies. It feels good to unleash it, moreso then ever before. It becomes addicting at times. I sometimes wonder if it is the one controlling me instead. Though I often think I couldn't be so weak as to let something control me.

    Speaking of control, there -still- is many here that seem to be convincing me that their way is the right one. Some say my soul is lost, some want nothing to do with me, and others just put on a fake smile. Do I really appear to be that sinister of a man? Probably because of the group I work for. Oh well, not like I care what others think of me. Though I do find it when someone, whom I barely know, accuses me of an ill act when they never even have proof or any reason to accuse.

    Though some treat me well, some worry about me, and some make me... forbidden fruit. All very exciting, especially that last one.

    My routine stays the same most days, basically. Though one day, I had an argument with the woman I'm seeing. I think I won that argument, since she suddenly started laughing in the middle of it. It was very odd to me in either case. She was right on some points, I have to admit, but it is easier to protect someone when they are -not- in harms way. Afterward though, we supposedly made up, which was a lovely experience. Again, staying with her is more preferrable then anything else lately.

    For now, I am just waiting for an opportunity to do something. Staying quiet and sticking to the background. Though, as a warrioress of Tempus said, I am too pretty to be unnoticable in the background...


  • Entry 26

    Things start to become interesting for me. I can feel my power grow, and it is the best feeling I could ever have. I do wonder, sometimes, what it would be like to unlock all my potential. I shall see how vast it can grow, soon enough.

    These past few days I find people trying to push their views and beliefs on me. Trying to convince, convert, or coerce me. It is amusing to see them all try to make me "see" that their way is the right one. They say I am selfish, though they should take a good look at themselves before saying such. One even tried to get me on my knees to pray to their god, and to give my soul to this god. Some, though, have been supportive of my actions, even though they do not know my true intent.

    It is exciting to keep them guessing. To have some defend me, while others attack me. It is interesting to observe them, to see their strengths… and weaknesses. Some of these people I do respect. I hope my purpose will not cause harm to some of these people, but if they get in my way then-... the sentence stops there

    I am a curious man, and my curiosity is going to lead me to some danger it seems. I have agreed to return to that tower that nearly took my life, and my sanity. Perhaps I could learn something from this tower, unlock something new either within myself, or another. Either way, I will find out.

    Of all these people I have met, there is only two I would willingly risk my life to defend. One is a rather cute red-head. The other is-.. he stops the sentence there, smirking to himself before closing the journal and putting it away

    _The Coppers was empty as he wrote in his journal that evening. The city being mostly quiet, so there was nothing to be done.

    Ronan steps out of the Coppers, looking over the dim glow of Oscura before him. Taking a deep breath, he walks toward the Peacekeeper's tower, to write some boring reports of the day's events in the city._


  • Entry 23

    Things seem to be calming down for me. I have not had some suicidal venture for some time, which is good.

    A few interesting things have happened, though. Such as the return of a fellow sorceress from that tower of suffering. She manages to come out on top everytime, no matter how dire the situation is. I sense that her power has grown since then, though not to its fullest. She does not regret dying in that place, she actually was happy for it. My curiosity for that tower grows each day since her return, but I cannot let it lead me to my death.

    On a more personal note: I had a long talk with my lover. It was a good talk, one I enjoyed. Though, I think she knows something about me. I've given her plenty of small hints I suppose, but she seems to not care. She adores me, and I feel the same for her. Moreso now than ever before. I did not think this would happen again after Sam and I promised myself not to become vulnerable like that again. Though I am not known for keeping promises, even to myself.

    I do hope my love and I dont end up as annoying as that sailor couple. Gods, I cant count how many times I've held back a fireball from them. Their little pet names, mushy games, and horrid singing. Those sort of things should be done when other people are not around. I am surprised that I have not snapped. Though my annoyance to them fuels my power, so it all evens out.

    For now, I wait for another opportunity to gain power or riches.

    _Ronan rips out the first two entries, ones that state the names of those he has had contact with. Fearing if someone managed to take the journal from him, they could not use its contents against him and harm those closest to him.

    He quietly shuts the journal, then leaves the bed he was lying in, completely nude and peers out the window from a room at the bard college. He watches the citizens begin to wake up as the sun rises and go about their normal, boring lives. Feeling a bit cold, he quickly goes back into the bed and wraps his arms around a sleeping red-headed girl, instantly feeling warm again…_


  • Entry 15

    Survival. It is something I am better at than most. The long awaited trip to face the Raksashas was a success, though it was nothing I expected. It was strange to say the least, but nothing I cannot handle mentally. I cannot say the same for the others that went with me. So weak minded some of them are. Such as Sabre. She forced us to go through some type of hell in order to complete our mission. So unreliable at times, it irritates me. Both of them are, the two lovers. They care not for the rest of us. Both of them have nearly lead me to my death. But I survived their stupid decisions and weak mindedness.

    I must hold my tongue for now, since it would only hurt me to say how I felt. Best to enjoy the vacation we are now given.

    But alas, as soon as I return, more problems arise. Wonderful. The bard girl is angry at me for whatever reason, and apparently my duties in Oscura are in danger. Some other idiot is not doing their job, so I must suffer. Relying on others is a hassle that I try to avoid.

    So I venture to Norwick, to get a bit of air after being told I am useless down in Oscura. A scouting party leaves for the eastern woods, which I follow, since some frustrations needed to be let out -a long pause- We were completely and utterly overrun. Three of five us were killed. I managed to save myself and the "Giver of Songs." Could care less that they fell, but now I know what the full force of those demonic goblins are capable of. I almost feel sorry for the citizens of Norwick who will, one day, have their homes destroyed yet again if the goblins decide to get smart.

    I survive yet again.

    Though, during the process I managed to get a little richer. I am quite sure that he is pleased with me.


  • Entry 14

    I've decided to continue writing. Might as well, it passes the time and allows me to think. My thoughts are now in order since I left that prision.

    So now I am released from that hell, only to be thrown into a large mess of things. As soon as I return to Oscura, I am faced with a decision to abandon a city or a friend. Why do I care about either anyway? I'm not here for them, I am here for myself. Yet, it seems I feel a certain sadness for what happened in that tower. The one I abandoned said I had a future and that I had potential. Now I might never know what she had planned for me. Such is life.

    Another obstacle I face is my next trip, against foes probably beyond my power. It is exciting. I feel anxious to prove myself, and thus gain more recognition. It is probably stupid to go, but this is a good chance to make something of myself. I am wanted and needed, as the wonderful sailor girl said herself. If we succeed, then this will be my time to shine. A part of me wants to just stay in this bed with my lover and forget it all. But that is not my purpose, in His eyes. I cannot ignore the whispers.

    This is not my time to fall.

    Ronan quietly shuts his journal and lays back down in the warm bed, next to his red-headed bard who is sound asleep. The shadows seem to move about the room as he slowly closes his eyes..


  • Entry 13

    It is beginning to hurt, so much. I need to unleash it, but this damn prison makes it useless. -the word "useless" is written in large letters and is a bit ripped, as if he has dug his pen into the page as hard as he could- Weak. Useless. I am nothing without it. Just some ordinary, nameless man. Might as well just kill myself if I am in here longer.

    Visits become less, save for Mareann. No one else comes. None. No one. Some friends they are. They do not even care. Wrong to trust them, wrong. They're leaving me here to rot. -the rest of this paragraph seems to be unreadable, or written in some type of giberish-.

    It is taking control. It is begging me to unleash it. I cant. I begin to realize I don't have complete control over my power. No one taught me, it isn't my fault. But I can't tell anyone, no. They rely on me to.. -the sentence stops, and there is a mad scribble after it-. … they USE me for my skill. They do not care about me, just my power. I will show them, once I am free, what that power can do when it is turned against them. Then they will appreciate me more. They'll want me.. no... they'll NEED me on their side.

    He stops writing a moment, reading over what he has written. His eyes widen a bit and he slams the book shut, tossing it up against the wall in irritation. He closes his eyes in an attempt to sleep, but none comes