3. Lilin's Book Of Naugthies

Lilin's Book Of Naugthies


  • ((The big white gaps are stuff that has been scribbled through 😉
    Tucked away as secretly as she can in an odd corner of her tent))

    Entry 1

    I bought this notebook today because I think I did a bad thing. I need to get it out of my system and write down what happened to confess it to some_one_ thing. I don't know if Corran would be upset or not, I don't really know what to expect sometimes still so this is probably safer. Bast bless.

    The werewolf Nicholas showed up at the glenn while I was watching the druids talk, waiting for their meeting to be over so I could see Wolf's baby. I really hate dislike Nicholas. He's so cocky and thinks that because he doesn't even have to try that he's superior and that I should believe his lies above the wolves.

    First time I saw him, I mauled him. Second time, I thought about it, and he tried to tell me that someone was making the wolves attack people, and wanted me to go investigate. I told him he was crazy, and said I would defend my territory. Ironically, it is not mine anymore. The Knights are always there, I can't even get a snack with them chasing me. Now he shows up at the glenn and says that someone is hunting them. Of courrse invisibility wears off and I have to deal with Fadia too.

    She made me so mad! I don't who she is anymore but she's not the person who helped me come to terms with all of this. Thinking that Nicahh was sleeping with Wolf just because they were playing. Maybe she was cheating on Oreth when she gave Wolf bellyrubs. I don't think I can forgive her

    They start listening to Nicholas, and I tell them "I trust that were about as far as I can throw him" and he gets all mad. I threatened to tear off his arms. I was ready to fight him too, I'm tired of him and everything else that has been going on. So then he calls me an Animal. Like to see what kind of animal he'd be without those tattoos.

    Fadia tries to get me to stay and talk to her, but I tell her no. Doubt that will fix anything, but I can feel a little better _being unhappy with her_because she at least some what that she's changed. Maybe she'll go back to normal. I don't think I want to talk to her until she does Not sure how I could tell.

    I did something nice for Keira. Its nice to be friends with another (real) fuzzy. I wish she was more like me though but maybe I wouldn't like her so much if she was more confident Werewolves are gross

    I want Corran. Don't tell Nicahh butt is big. It makes her feel bad. I'm not good at teasing her like she is with me. That didn't make any sense. I don't get it. Bast Bless


  • The writing is Lilin's calm looping style until the long pause, where the writing becomes more quick and short

    Entry 9

    A dream.

    The waking moments make the figments I saw hang across my mind like the shadows cast by a spiderweb, my mind thick with the dew of the waking moments as the sun broke from the hills. It beckoned me to wake, though I did not wish it, curled in the happy nook that I found within our bed.

    I felt her pain in me. It haunts me when I'm troubled. It angers me, shaking loose the beast in the night. It is another mystery Bast has given me, this dream. I do not understand if it is fiction the images seem so dark and twisted to me. The tender creature was black as Tindra, twisted by her pain lost in the beast she was gifted.

    He seems familiar somehow. Close, but unknown. Dark? Stripes.

    My perception of self is difficult to describe. I am not a split between two different personalities, there is no line between… us? The language makes it difficult for me to comprehend myself. We are so easily described as separate but it is unfair to place such divisions of myself in these pages and disrespectful as well.

    She came to me today. Anabelle. She has always been special to me since the first time I cried for her help to Bast. She never ages, perfect and solid. We talked, she was cryptic. I

    Expression Expression Expression. I've read books, I know how write. I know how I think, but I don't know how to define existence! I know it is not simple, especially not mine. Instinct? I know so much more than instinct. It knows some much more. In my mind there is a difference but at the same time there is not such a thing. H. A. will do for now.

    A. makes me feel close to Anabelle. It is not in a way of being the same species. It is almost feeling of clutching one with your own blood.

    I can feel you between my fingers, caught in my toes. It makes me laugh and fills my heart with Joy to feel these things, though they are so confusing. You give me these messages, my lady Bast, and I can feel the answers with each thing I touch! Your celestial brilliance, I cannot fathom. I pray that the truth I think I can comprehend is the truth you wish to present to me and I have not been blinded by my own ambitions to understand.

    My heart, these truths, I dare not speak, until I am sure in my heart of these messages Cat-Mother.

    But my heart races so fast! I feel such a flutter! I giggle as I write this and I can see my love looking at me strangely. I wonder if he has peeked inside my book, I wonder if he wants to.


  • //I apologize for the unfortunate decline in quality, I haven't had the time to put enough effort into writing 😞 but, hopefully this one is a little better than the others, and might get me back on track 🙂

    Entry 8

    I feel almost ashamed today. A good entry for the Book of Naughties. I've been feeling terribly stressed lately between the war and how everyone else seems to be feeling, and how much work I have to do, while still being happy with myself. I'm not in solitude very often, thankfully, except when I'm hunting since we're taking the girls out during the day now.

    I must confess in these pages that even though I have been different from everyone else for so long I still do not fully comprehend my existence, even as I meditate on it daily. I feel that perhaps I may never know, which is fine, I am not meant to interpret everything Bast has given me so freely. It is a good reminder that while some things come easy to me, like faith, it doesn't come easy to everyone else.

    One of the exercises I told to Keira was to observe herself from the third person. I like this exercise, but I think that today I will not write to analyze myself, but to loosen my mind from the grips of the annoyances I have been experiencing.

    She padded back over to her pack, a plain thing laying tucked away in the corner, safe from any prying eyes who were not looking for such a thing in the woods, her paws careful to make sure she did not snap the twigs or crunch the leaves that were scattered across the forest floor like children's toys. As she stopped by the bag, soaking up the last moments of the sunshine laying softly across the stripes on her back, pausing, when suddenly from her flank rose a sharp prick that send her tumbling headlong into the wall, roughing her snout violently in her surprise. Flipping and roaring she dug her claws into the monstrous spider that had been so cunning and lucky to stealthy move behind her without notice. Its compound eyes froze as the legs curled on the thick corpse. She turned, and looked toward her pack, eying the ooze and blood covered mess that was her robe stacked on top of the other trinkets that filled her pack.

    Snatching the bag in her teeth, she hustled clumsily back towards the familiar sanctity of the inner camp, not looking at the guards in embarrassment as she hustled towards the security of her home, slipping under the place in the corner she had purposely loosened to get back in on such occasions. Her love, a man with black hair, dark complexion and cheerful demeanor was there, speaking softly with her son's wife, as the two sat over three young girls, chattering happily, not noticing the cat that had slipped in. She slipped over to the closet triumphantly to find that it was empty, remembering quite quickly that her clothes covered in the great stains of motherhood, were piled over in the corner. The other man and woman rose, gathering their cloaks and shoes, disappearing out the front door and seemingly headed toward the communal green.

    She scratched through the pile of clothes, selecting the least dirty set that she could find, returning to her human coil and dressing, slipping quickly out and around, determined to complete all her laundry, moving softly to the stream near the pixie roost with all the things to be washed. She completed most of the trivial task quickly, and thought her self quite witty and lucky that ask the guards changed, she stripped and washed the last set of dirty things she had.

    However, she was not quick enough and as she finished, she spotted the guard returning in the distance, soon, she hoped before the guard had seen her. Her fur prickled and grew across her body as her form expanded and contorted, popping loudly. She snatched up the bag full of the damp laundry and tied the rope that connected the roost to the camp around the neck and scaled up the rope quickly before pulling the rope up after her, and with some difficulty hanging everything up on lines she cleverly brought with her for just such a thing. She sat, watching her clothes rustle in the breeze for a while before the brilliant sunshine and the warm temperatures overwhelmed her and she fell into a peaceful sleep, laying curled on the ground in her form caught between the golden tigon and human forms she existed in.

    Many hours passed and as quickly and as sneakily as the spider had done she felt another touch across her back, tossing her out of the sweet realm of dreams and causing her to tense her muscles into knots to protect her back before she caught the familiar scents and heard the wonderful laugh of the one she adored, rolling to look at him, automatically shifting her libs to conceal her fur covered assets unnecessarily. As grog cleared from her eyes and mind and she turned her ears to address him, he spoke cheerfully teasing her a little about the precarious situation he had found her in while he reached down to stroke her muzzle lovingly. She explained with some sheepishness her plan and he smiled and scratched her chin, asking how much longer she would be, to which she replied a statement about having a set of dry clean clothes, he smiled and nodded, rubbing her leg before standing and leaving again, declaring that he had to go back to watch the twins.

    She woke again, at night, huddled under the small cover that protected the supplies stored outside her tent, the night still bright from the moons full glow even as the rain fell heavily and the lighting broke the sky. She was cold, but she purred, recalling the good dream, and the hunt that went better than the one in the dream. The door opened, and she heard her name being called, hurrying over to the door, but becoming drenched anyway, being welcomed into loving arms, and she was happy, soon to be dry and warm again.


  • Entry 7

    "I asked for his help."

    • "At what?"
      "Changing."
    • "Congratulations? I don't know what you want me to say."
      "You asked why I hang out with him."
      "He said he would help, if I asked."
    • "Okay."
      "Not many will even speak to me."
      "so he wants the featherflights rescued."
      "Why not help them?"
    • "Look, if this is upsetting you, or whatever, I'm sorry… but he doesn't even have the curtoesy to ask fo my forgiveness in private, and then seems suprised when I don't forgive him and he expects--"
      "he hurt you. He hurt Nicahh."
      "He's selfish."
      ilin: They already made their choice to stay, you can't give anyone Salvation if they don't want to be saved."
      "Doesn't understand when people think different to him."
    • "I'm tired of him."
      "I shouldn't have to choose between you."
      "should I?"
    • "No, its not fair, that's why I said I'm sorry."
      "and maybe he'll hurt me."
    • "Pain won't help you change"
      "Certain?"
    • "... It won't make you change the way you want to change."
      "And what will?"
    • "I don't know Keira, but I know that pain won't help anyone in that way."
      "I watch them, and most times it'd be better if I just killed them, all."
      "Maybe quiet, a few at a time."
      "But maybe, not."
      "And that would be -right-."
    • "You can go back to Jerr. If you pick him, I'd understand, I was expecting you to anyway so I could just curl up with my Kittens."
      "But he's pack. You are. Nicahh is."
      "so I listen and I try."
    • "I know were pack, but I know that sometimes I just need to go alone."
      "Corran understands you?"
    • "Who knows."
    • "He makes me feel better, what does anything else matter?"
      "You're lucky to have that."
    • "I know."
      "Go, curl up with the kittens."
    • "Thanks."
    • "Keira?"
    • "I'm sorry about being mad at Jerr, but this is something me... and me can't let go, espically if he keeps acting the way he is."
      "Not a problem, for me."
      "Unless you say it is."
      "Or Nicahh does."
    • "No... I think I already put enough on you, Its not fair to demand that anyway."
    • "Bye."

    I don't expect Keira to respect me the way she does. I can't comprehend it. I'm tired of being mad at Jerr, but everytime I see him and how he acts it just boils out.


  • Entry 6

    I see Keira. The face that she puts on to hide what she is. I know what she is, and so does she, but she'd rather keep it secret, because people won't understand. Which is a lie… because they do understand. The people like Tindra have been around too long. If they know and they see me, they get it. Its when they don't know that it gets dangerous, I get caught up, letting my anger out, being me and that person doesn't understand that, at all. That's how I get in trouble with it. Do I like being able to be angry at that person who comes along and acts crazy in front of the strange beast? Not really. More often than not its someone I like when I'm a girl. It'd be easier if I just told people, but it wouldn't be that same. It wouldn't be as safe, as special. When not everyone knows, its just me, and the coil Bast made, and the gift she gave to me.

    So, here is the act.

    Elenwyd comes up to me in Peltarch, and we talk. (It didn't happen quite like that) and she asks me about my faith. I worry about answering questions about Bast sometimes, because so many people just go, "Oh, Sharess." and I've lost them in thinking I'm a common whore. But Elenwyd asked me a different question. "People said something about you being a beast master." I'm not totally sure what that meant, but I'm pretty sure that it wasn't referring to the taming of animals. (Okay, so I do, but it doesn't need to be restated). As part of my act I told her I didn't know what that meant, which went a lot better than usual, because apparently she thought I was a wizard. Not totally sure how that happened, but I played it off as being confused with Tindra.

    I really should tell Maya, but I don't think she's interested in talking to someone as small and as inept in combat as me. But she's ignoring Elizabeth now.


  • Entry 5

    So I don't forget

    Ex-Lovers
    Evangeline
    The Wine Thing
    Jerr
    Ael
    Marbles
    Love


  • Entry 4

    Nothing bad to write about this time. I think.

    I'm sitting outside Cera's tree, waiting for the news about the people in quarantine. I've been running errands most of the day for them. I haven't really had a chance to write either because I've been doing so well. Corran took me to a fancy dinner, and I got to see Will's wedding. Then when I was at his party in the camp I found out the chief couldn't take me away from Corran and I wasn't married to Jerr either. I wonder if I should forgive him yet? I should ask Corran.

    I've had more free time to be doing enjoyable things when I'm at home taking care of my beloved kittens and I've been able to read some of the books I haven't had a chance to yet. Corran did something at the dinner that seemed so beautiful, to me, and I wanted to stop and write about it ever since but I wasn't sure if this was the proper place. This is in the style Hiaku?

    Crystal In Heart's Far
    Romani Gown Of The Young
    Caress Of My Sweet

    That's bad.


  • Entry 3

    I did good today! sort of. I helped Keira some more and I also finally had a good talk with Ael and I know he loves me now and he might even move in with his family! But… at the same time I am very upset because he wants to get a divorce from Jen... and I'm going to help him... to help them both from being torn apart by this. That makes it okay, right?

    HOW COULD JERR DO THIS? IF HE COMES FOR ME, I'LL RIP HIS HEAD OFF.

    My day is ruined. Keira is vile.


  • ((Same as before, white is scribbled out 🙂 ))

    Entry 2

    Attacked:
    (I've analogized Except to Nicholas)
    Keira asked me today if when I was talking to people, I envisioned myself tearing them apart.I think she said that she saw the blood all over her and things like that. And to be truthful, I do when I'm mad, but most of the time, I'm just as content to go eat. I don't remember mauling Cike and Moe, just waking up in the glenn. I wonder if its still painful for me to change, and I just ignore it or if I just have become the cat (Keira)

    Silioness
    Wolf
    Nicholas (Ravencall?)
    Star
    Nicahh/Nox
    Cike
    Moe
    Corran (for fun)
    I see it in the blur when I change, I need to clear my head. Where is Corran?

    Jerr is being a total butt about this Keira thing! He makes me so mad that I just want to jump ontop of him. He calls me his wife and says he loves me, but just doesn't want to listen to me. That makes sense for what he has to say. When listed who he loves he left off Keira. I couldn't say anything to him after that except okay and eventually I just stopped talking all together. I wonder if it hurt him? I bet it did. I feel bad, but what he's doing to Keira and Myself hurts. I hope he apologizes, so I can too and make him feel better too.