Joseph's old half-burnt journal excerpts

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Account name: Effexor
Character name: Joseph Adannor

[this entry is partially burnt in the middle, making the text unreadable]

It is vain. Everything is vain. Will I ever know what happened to those who imbued me with the spark of life? From town to town, city to city, nothing is known. Everything remains veiled to me. But my little concerns are nothing in fact… I shouldn't let myself sinking into the oblivion like this. All around me, everything is worst. Many people suffer much more than I. […] Tomorrow is a new day, and I will think over this all tonight. I'll go to the church of Ilmater and ask refuge for the night. I'll certainly give them a hand for their hospitality.

[this entry is burnt at the begining, though some lines at the end remained intact]

[…] …erall, the day has gone well. Ilmater seems to be a very benevolent God. I should give him a little prayer at least, to give him a little more courage in his quest. Let's hope I'll have little more myself tomorrow for my own 'quest'.

[all that is left from this entry are these few lines]
[…] Since I left the city, I don't feel the same. I have strange convictions. Strange… perhaps that is not the appropriate word after all. I am begining to feel selfish in fact. And I feel I should correct this fast. But that is an 'impression', that is. […]

[this entry is damaged at the begining]

[…] … happened today. I was sitting on a park bench, taking a break from my 'quest', as I'm pleased to call it, looking at the children playing together. One of the children ran toward me, looking behind, when he fell to the ground at my feet, hurting his arm on a rock. I've helped the boy the get up and examined his wound. I placed my hand on the wound to stop bleeding. It is at this moment that it happened: I couldn't help myself but to close my eyes and rummage my memories of the past, to the time I was helping the priests of Ilmater. When I opened my eyes, the wound was closed. I have been quite shocked. The young boy left me then, saying: "Thank you, Father!". Father... I can only laugh at this now. I just could not imagine myself a priest. Anyhow, I think I'll keep this strange skill folded away from stranger's knowledge.

[this entry seems to be in two part, but the second part is lost]

_[…]I have made a strange dream last night. I was in a forest, a beautiful one, sat on a rock within a grove. There was two tombstones: one written as follow: "Here lies Alicia Adannor, left us while giving life to her son.", and the second: "Gabriel Adannor, left us a year after his wife's death by unknown reason." I must admit I felt like if these were the names of my own parents. And I unfortunatly feel that this part of the dream was truth… But that is not all, after this image, came one filled with atrocities: a small city was under siege, flames growing everywhere, everything in ruins. There was an old man in the dream, some priest I'd say, helping some other people burying the fallens and chanting prayers. I don't quite understand this part of the dream though. All I can say, everything seemed so real, that I still feel my heart pounding strongly within my chest. Anyhow, I will now use the last name Adannor, may it be my real last name or not.

[…]_

[this entry has been very damaged by the end, only a few lines still readable]

Here again, misfortune follows me, as if the search of my dead parents hadn't been enough so far. That makes only a few days now that I stopped by this small village, a haven of fine people indeed. that troubles begin. Since I arrived, the tide seems to have turned slowly. Once a very peaceful area, it is now a dread battlefield. Some people already point me out, accusing me of being the source of their problems. And I'm begining to believe the same. All I bring seems to be suffering, even if I only want to give a hand to my peers. Some other people think I am a benefactor arrived just in time. […] …but the orc gang has put to death a few more braves. I'll have to take care of the wounded during all the night. I will leave at... […]

[this entry is in good condition]

The route today was pretty calm. I've crossed the path of a few traveling merchants on my way to the nearest settlement. I could buy some food with the kind donations from people I've helped the best I could during my last halt. The long road gave me the time to think about myself and my life. I believe I have finally understood. A few points have convinced myself: first, I am what they call an orphan, left on his own and with his own suffering; second, since the day I've left the orphanage, I've traveled from towns and cities of names I can't even remember, probably because this is so irrelevant to me, and helped the poors, the honests, the diseased and the wounded the best of my abilities, abilities of healing which I don't even know where they come from; and third, but not the least, countless times have I been thinking that I was bringing misfortune to those I met. But, if in fact, my presence was no coincidence and I was sent there unconsciously by some outer will, to especially give a hand to those that 'will' be in need. Perhaps I talk drivel, or simply I am slowly leaving modesty of soul… But I can't remember how many times I have been told that Ilmater was thanking me for my help. Ilmater... each time I hear his name, I feel filled with renewed courage to continue, to carry the burden of suffering on my shoulders fiercely, and ease people, relieving them of whatever type of pain and suffering they had, would it be moral or physical, and take them over me. Then, only then, I seem to feel at the right place in the world. Enough, it is time to sleep. A new geas awaits me tomorrow. I shall pray to Ilmater tonight, as I begin to think he's the one helping me to carry the stone.

[this entry is damaged badly, only a ending line remaining]

[…] …nervous. I hope I won't make bad impression toward the High Priest.

[this entry is very recent and is complete]

_Good old journal,

That will make 30 years I haven't even written a line within your pages. I know I have neglected you for so long and I am shameful of this. You and I have live long together, and yet, I haven't been kind enough to share my life with you. But as they say, better late than never… So let me share a few points with you.

Do you remember when I have joined faith with Ilmater, our Father? That was good old time. I was still at the flower of age at this time. I remember how good I felt when I then walked in the slums, giving the aid of Ilmater to the people. That was good time. I was ready to give my life to save another, as Ilmater had given me the courage and the strength to help others, grace to our Father.

Do you remember when I have been called to help at the barrack to heal the wounded soldiers that kept the orcs out of the city gates. These were hard times indeed, but the Will of our Father could prevail nonetheless, as little blood had to shed. The Broken One could take on the suffering of the wounded soldiers in his benevolence, grace to our Father.

Do you remember when the plague has infested the slums? These images of cruel fate were very disturbing. But Ilmater gave them the courage to carry their cross to their liberation, to releive their suffering. We were all giving our heart to the cause, sharing whatever we had to share, offering them to share their burden. That we did, grace to our Father.

Do you remember that terrible day? I think you do, dear journal, as you now bear the scars of its curse. Indeed, it was week ago. 15 years after, they 'had' to come back. Cursed be the orcs! They completly ravaged our small peaceful city to ashes. Why? Nobody knows. Their cruel and dark minds are unpredictable and illogical. But we have to live with these facts, carry their burden with preseverance. Indeed, the few survivors helped me to give a decent burying to the fallens. It took us the week to complete the work. Now, they go with my blessing, and the blessing of Ilmater. For my part, I am now alone, having lost the little I had, a home, our beloved temple. All I have left is my faith and you, good old journal, my most important things, grace to our Father.

Now, I dont know where to go. Perhaps I will take a boat and let me float, guided by the Will of Ilmater to regions in need. Until I see what fate Ilmater as for me, I will keep you safe with me, but won't abuse the few pages you have remaining.

May the Will of Ilmater help us carry our crosses and give us the courage to go on!_

[this entry is also a new addition]

Seems like Ilmater had some new plans for me. I have awoken on a small shore. I have walked for a several hours through the forest. There seems to be a barbarian settlement into the horizon. I'll try to go there. I shall write whatever I find later. Until then, I only hope to find a safe roof to rest under. I'm not as healthy as I once was, I can see…

[Vilehelm]

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