3. The Less Than Accurate Story of T C

The Less Than Accurate Story of T C

  • N

    Player Name: NealParr
    Character Name: T C
    –--------------------------------------------

    So you want to know about ol' Thaddeus Crom eh? Well since it's you and nobody else I'll tell ya. I've always thought you looked like a nice fella. But mind you, my origins are a secret and what I have to say is for you only, nobody else.

    So, let us begin.

    (Dialog)

    What's that? Oh, your friend wants to listen in too? Alright then. I guess that's fine. Just a secret between the three of us I guess.

    (Dialog)

    Oh, I see... he's a book writer then? (Big smile) Well I guess as long as you put in the book that it's a secret and that the readers are not to tell a living soul then that's fine. By the way, how many readers you got? The whole monastery? Excellent. Oh I mean... as long as they keep it a secret that is.

    So, now to my story. This is the most highly regarded secret of mine, the Story of Tom Cash. (Points to self).

    Let me start at the beginning. Both my parents were eaten by a large Ogre when they were still quite young.

    (Dialog)

    Now shush. I told you I'd tell you my secret origins but if you don't shush I can't tell you.

    (Dialog)

    Well I know that. I'm old enough to know that if they were children and eaten by an Ogre there's no way I could be here. Trust me, I know all about the birds and bees. In fact, once there was this... ah nevermind, that's another story. If I can continue please?

    (Mumbles)

    Fine... as I said, both my parents were eaten by a large Dragon when they were children (Raises hand in a gesture to allow him to continue). But, they did not die. See? In fact they lived for many a year in the dragon's belly feeding off scraps left behind from what the dragon ate. After a few years they got to know each other quite well since they were the only one's to talk to in the dragon's belly. Now by quite well, I mean QUITE well, if you know what I mean (winks and elbows the fella next to him). Am I right? Eh... Eh? well, anyways... a few months later I was born in the dragon's belly.

    Now life in a dragon's belly ain't all it's cracked up to be. You might think it warm and cozy like a womb. But damned if every few months a random Orc or Elf or Human didn't come down that throat alive and I'd a had to fight it with my own bare hands. Not outta malice or anything, but just fight it for some space. Dragon bellies aren't as big as they let on. I gots to be quite good at fightin'on account of this.

    So here's ol' Todd Candy fightin the dragon's lunch for some space and I got to be quite good at it. My parents done died by that time the dragon took it upon itself one day to eat another dragon. Lucky for the dragon that my dragon ate, it was already dead by the time it came down, 'cause I woulda put a whuppin' on it something fierce. But since it was already dead by the time it came down I decided I was bored of living in a dragon so I ripped out the dead dragon's tooth with my bare hands and cut myself out of my dragon's belly. That was my first dragon kill.

    (Dialog)

    Oh about twenty or so in my time. But those are all other stories.

    (A couple of yeah rights)

    So that there's my story of how I came to be.

    (Dialog)

    Right. Tim Cooley. Our secret mind you.

    (Dialog)

    So then after killing my first dragon I ran into a band of wandering Zuffamugs who took me in as one of their own.

    (Dialog)

    Oh? You've never heard of a Zuffamug. Let me tell you a thing or two about Zuffamugs...

    (Several of the audience walks off in disgust)

    ((OOC NOTES: T.C. Which doesn't stand for anything is a bull***t storytelling bard))


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