3. Maybe She Will - Kaitlyn's words and silences.

Maybe She Will - Kaitlyn's words and silences.


  • Yes.

    This first paragraph is for the Kaitlyn of the future, the one that has already gone through pages and pages of this book. A person similar to me, but that has seen much more, felt much more, experienced much more. She has been in tears for something she could not change, and she has felt proud for something she could. She has probably experienced victory, but also loss and defeat.

    Do not give up, Kaitlyn of the future. I want you to remember me, your Kaitlyn of the past. Do not forget that this is where you start. Anytime you lose direction, anytime you feel lost, hurt, or needy, you need only look upon this book to find yourself. You are me plus all that is written in here. The same person that is filled with hope, with this bright spirit, this avid desire to change the world to be a better place. Think of your own Kaitlyn of the future. We do not want her to give up, to feel lost or lonely. We want her to always keep fighting, to always remember. To aim high and reach for her goals. I think with this book maybe…

    Maybe she will.

    Adulthood has come like spring comes one day. Nothing seems to have changed, but you can smell it in the air. There is something different about the way people behave around you. It also comes with responsibilities. Subtle and obvious responsibilities that arise as I walk around the city. Nobody teaches you how to deal with them, but trial and error shows you how to forge yourself, to define your own traits, your strengths, to avoid your weaknesses and fears and to pursue your ambitions.

    I started this book with the word 'Yes', because I wanted it to begin on a positive note. There were other possibilities for that first word, but 'yes' was the simplest, and sent the clearer message. I would like my life to be filled with a lot of 'yes', and that does not mean that I am afraid of any 'no'.

    But first of all, I need to find my vocation. I have studied and trained many things, thanks to both my father and mother being so thoughtful for my education and well-being, but now it is time I take the reins of my own life, and here are the possibilities I consider at this time:

    • Lorekeeper and Historian: I love knowledge, I love history. I love everything that has to do with hidden knowledge, especially from lost ages, or forgotten battles. I enjoy all knowledge that had a dramatic impact in how we live our lives today, whether it had to do with a natural calamity or a political shift of power. I would enjoy so very much learning all these secrets! I think there is a great responsibility in this, though… secrets can save or overthrow nations.

    • Knight of an Order: Or "Red Knight", should I say? I think this one would make both my parents most proud. I feel the call of the Lady, and her ideals inspire me in my daily life. But… Orders tend to follow strict codes and vows that I might not feel comfortable with at times. I would like to introduce myself to any benign Orders and offer my aid, but maybe knighthood would be taking it too far.

    • Artist: I have such a passion for creating art and performing. I think I am quite good at singing, dancing, performing and playing a few instruments. I have my father to thank for signing me up with the College, he really hit the nail! The downside I see to this is… I prefer to see these things as a hobby, not a life dedication. There is not much good I can do by dancing, singing or performing. I could raise some people's spirits, but I can already do that without it being my profession.

    • Soldier: My mother was a soldier. My father, kind of is. I feel I am almost destined to be a soldier, but I do not think that should be the case. There are very good things involved with being a soldier… I could do good for the city of Peltarch and be in an advantage position to aid those in need. But I would also be bound by duty to obey orders from my superiors. It scares me that I would have to raise my sword against others that do not deserve to die, but just wear different colours than mine. On the bright side, if I climbed through the ranks, I could reach the ultimate goal of every follower of the Red Knight - commanding an army to ensure war is waged efficiently, or not waged at all.

    There are some other choices and ramifications that sprawl from those main ones... it is just so difficult to make my mind up! I would do all of them if I physically could... I think for now I will just.. try to be outside, meet some people, and make decisions as I go.


  • With my eyes shut, the sound is overwhelming. It rings about my ears, pulsating in distinct frequencies that I can recognise, but I can not describe. A somewhat whistling reverberation blankets over every other sound.

    Then I open my eyes and let them capture the wonders before them. I stand in a cavernous passage almost entirely covered by iridescent crystal formations. I am somewhere deep beneath the surface, I do not know why I know this, but I know it, and I do not stop to think of it further. The view is far too distracting, with those beautiful, colourful crystals twinkling.

    I notice then that right in the centre of this place, the crystals have taken a peculiar shape, forming a platform. I try to move closer, to get a better view. At one point, I distinguish a shape. Encased inside, there is a feminine figure, placidly resting in her crystal coffin. She does not seem aware of my presence as I continue to edge closer. I can now make out the shapes of her body and face. She is strangely beautiful, alluringly alien.

    A step closer, I can now tell her eyes are not shut, but they are not watching either. Or are they? Two white, iris-less orbs stare blankly and appear to see nothing as the female humanoid does not move and does not flinch.

    I am quite close now. I stretch out my hand to touch.

    [A hand-drawn sketch follows]

    This is where my vision ends, every time, ever since I touched that book. Every time the vision is a little more blurry, and now it seems to happen less often too. I believe it may have to do with the book being out of reach and its influence on me wearing out.

    Whatever the case… there are reasons to believe I am seeing D. S. in wherever she lays in rest, in wait, right at this moment. I do not know how this vision can be useful to my allies and myself, or if I can even trust what I am seeing. It could be a trick for all I know.

    I believe I should have myself checked for magic in case I have been compromised. After that, it is time to evaluate whether what I see can be relevant. I like to think that I am good at remembering places and details, and I have seen this place, this vision many times now. I could describe it quite vividly.

    What can one accomplish with that, and a little bit of magic? I will see if I can find out soon.


  • Watching and listening has proven fruitful. I have learned much of what pains Peltarch in these past tendays. I have also made a few allies, individuals who are willing to let me into their lives without too much hesitation. Definitely with less hesitation than I seem to let others into my own life. I have always thought myself open and amicable but… I feel reins pulling back, warning flags that have nothing to do with them allies, and more to do with me.

    And in spite of that, it has felt... pleasant to be asked to come along to places, to join talks about important things and to share tales, riddles or games. For all of that, it has been fulfilling and positively distracting to hang around doing... fun things. And although I can see that my idea of fun is not the same as others, I can see how some of them make an effort so that I can fit in, and so I make the effort back. Maybe one day it will not feel like an effort. I hope so.

    Nate invited me for the third time to join the Peltarch College, and I had not the heart to stall him anymore. I may have made myself unfairly unapproachable, and not even I truly know why I shy away from commitment and compromise. How many times does the postman need to knock your door before you open it? In truth, being a member of the the College can not be bad for me. I will have spaces designed to compose, write, draw, and play music without driving my father nuts, because he does not complain, but I know at times I do not make it easy for him.

    Knowledge, lore, history, myth and fable. These things I treasure, and I can find in the College. But there is more. Nate gets dreamy at times reminiscing how bards used to have a hand in Peltarch's Government, how they had leverage to sway the direction things would take. If only... that was still the case. If only we could avert disaster with backroom whispers and hidden letters delivered into the appropriate ear or mailbox. If we could win battles without spilling a single drop of blood. The Red Knight would be proud.

    Artemis has become another of my acquaintances. He is one of the eight that travelled through time and the planes to save Peltarch, and eventually existence itself. He has seen me grow from a little brat to whatever I am now, and his eyes lay on me with somewhat of a big-brothery tint, I think. I do not mind that. I would like to have trustworthy allies, and I believe he can be one. He is very talented with magic, especially lightning spells.

    Just like Leena, whom he seems to be in some kind of more-than-friendship relationship with. She is different. Determined, stubborn, a bit too hot tempered at times I believe. A druidess, not especially charismatic, but I feel others do look up to her when it is time to take harsh decisions. She and I have fought shoulder by shoulder, looked after each other. I laid my hands on her when she was getting too hurt, and she got me back when I was knocked unconscious. We held the line, and we did well together. She often mentions that she feels a little exposed being the only "front liner" in their troupe. Maybe I can help her with that, as a soldier of the Red Knight should.

    There is Isolde, too. Nate's significant other. She is friendly and has welcome me around. She has treated me kindly, and I can not but return the treatment. I do not know her that much yet, but she is very talented, and has a sharp mind. I believe she tries to appear carelessness, but she is thorough, methodical and tireless in working towards those things which she wants to achieve. That is a great trait to have.

    Roslyn and Atel, the hin ladies... they are quite friendly and walk around like little fountains of knowledge. They have both gone out of their way to make me feel welcome around them, and I really appreciate it. Atel speaks as if she is centuries old.. probably because she is. Roslyn appears younger, and quite the apt information gatherer, trapper and skulker.

    There are others I do not know that well yet - Nathen, Reyhenna, Shesarai and more... this group of people that seem to independently work towards making Peltarch, and possibly all of Narfell a safer place for everyone has a bit of everything, and I see merit in what they do. I feel I could.. I could maybe fit in. I only do not know what talents I have that they already do not but they do not seem to be demanding that I fill any specific role. That is good and bad, because I would like to feel relevant, but I will not let that worry me too much for the time being.

    For now.. there is a wired-men army led by a traitor out there that needs thwarting, and a vampire battle royale going on in Narfell's underworld - issues that will not solve themselves.


  • Those years away from Peltarch have made me feel like an outsider upon my return to my own home. Six years, for me were half a life. A little girl went, and the project of a person returned.

    As I walk around the city I see someones that married their everythings, laughed their joys and cried their grieves, said their nevers and slept their dreams, reaped their sowing and went their came; all in their commonplace, remarkable lives.

    War and demons showed Peltarch that she can not take anything for granted. Staring at the stars or walking by the docks is a luxury. Someones thinking of somethings, in any moment of peace, the smile of anyones; those are privileges that were, are and will have to be fought for.

    Peltarch's face can not smile because it remembers. It knows it cried, it took the blows and bled. It is a face that wears a lot of make-up, but the scars show. Oh yes, they show.

    Through the make-up, I can spot true kindness at times. Friendliness; Hope and commitment. I can also spot the lust, the avarice, the bottomless and cavernous greed. Peltarch's face is not unlike any other. The mask of a mask upon a mask within a mask. But like most masks, it does not conceal its true eyes.

    I need to stare, to scrutiny and learn what pains Peltarch, what makes it bleed. To heal it. To help it, I must. I need to dive in, and protect my home. The only home I've ever known.