3. Charles Smithson, A life untold

Charles Smithson, A life untold

  • D

    Bury all your secrets in my skin
    Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
    The air around me still feels like a cage
    And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

    So if you love me let me go
    And run away before I know
    My heart is just too dark to care
    I can?t destroy what isn?t there

    Deliver me into my fate
    If I'm alone I cannot hate
    I don?t deserve to have you
    Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
    If I can change I hope I never know

    I still press your letters to my lips
    And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
    I couldn't face a life without your lights
    But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

    So save your breath, I will not care
    I think I made it very clear
    You couldn't hate enough to love
    Is that supposed to be enough?

    I only wish you weren?t my friend
    Then I could hurt you in the end
    I never claimed to be a saint
    Ooh, my own was banished long ago
    It took the death of hope to let you go

    So break yourself against my stones
    And spit your pity in my soul
    You never needed any help
    You sold me out to save yourself

    And I won?t listen to your shame
    You ran away, you're all the same
    Angels lie to keep control
    Ooh, my love was punished long ago
    If you still care don't ever let me know
    If you still care don't ever let me know (Snuff by Slipknot)

    It's been a year now since I've seen your face. The sunrises and sunsets all blur together into one twisted twilight of confused conspiracies. I had a life before you, but I can't live without you. How does this burden fall on me alone? Only you could break a promise in the promise land. Gloriana, a name I called out in screams, in tears, in moments of passion…A name I shall never again speak aloud. T'was a moment in time I would've proudly given my life simply to die with such peace.
    You came without notice, the barracks was full of my kind. Cut throats, mercenaries, blades for hire plagued the guards' ranks of Zhentil Keep. I kept mainly to myself, sneaking off during the banites prayers to watch the gates of the mining encampment of which I was stationed. My beliefs, I told myself would nay be hindered by those around me...I told myself.
    (to be cont..)

  • D

    (Charles sits in the Militia Barracks)

    It's been a while, my journal laid at the bottom of my trunk untouched for some time. I'm pleased to announce a change for the better. My skills have grown greatly, both on the battle field and in social occasions. It's been easier to just sit and listen, rather than to force my view upon others. My position in the militia stands at recruit…although my request for a promotion was politely denied by Captain Locrian, I still feel loyal and committed to my duties as green cloak. That...is the least of my worries.

    (the ink color changes from black to a dark blue)

    Gloriana, I am sorry. Our past together can no longer linger in the depths of my mind. I've a new door that has recently opened allowing me to continue with my new life here in Norwick, a door that I intend to not close anytime soon. I've written of her before, although my intentions have changed drastically with the passing time.

    (the ink get's sloppy here, the letters are poorly spaced)

    Y ou now de ny my existe nce because yo u no longer fe el guilt.

    You do not scare me Gloriana. I've had my revenge, the bitter sweet taste has finally left my tongue. Her skin is soft, hardly calloused and scarred. Her lips are moist and soft, opposed to your dry unflattering kisses. Her touch, so sweet and gentle…I feel fragile. It is with great relief that I now close this book. I shall never open it again for which the likes of you, Gloriana, shall never again read my words. This journal, I've carried for so long, kept you alive within it. I know your secret. The dark magic you were so keen was hardly a secret to me. I will burn this book, and I will end you. Goodbye Gloriana, your days in rest shall not be remembered, you will not be missed, and your death...shall not be regretted.

  • D

    (Charles sits in the Norwick Barracks)

    It's been a week since I've tasted the ale, and I must admit to sleeping well. I've not had nightmares, the truth of Gloriana's passion seems to be more clear than ever before. She's dead, by my hand. That's the truth. It seems childish now to hide behind false tales and coded meanings. She tried to kill me to save her own life, admirable. I don't think I would've done the same, however I do have a new life here, in Norwick. Without the ever so haunting images of my past, the now seems to mean more to me than ever. I've struck a few chords with the local townspeople, some may even declare me a menace. Would it matter that I blame the ale? Doubtful, everyone sees what they want to see, anything else, is a lie. I seem to have earned the trust of my superior, Rain. Her faith in me is quite uplifting. I've not known such belief since I left Waterdeep so long ago.My father always told me I was exceptional. Perhaps those were simply words meant from father to son. I miss him. He always knew what the right decision was. In the face of the greatest evil, he would approach it with such wisdom, such confidence. Then again, how much evil does a weapon smith face on a day to day occasion? Well, in his defense, his time spent in the Waterdeep guard must have been exciting. He never spoke much of it. I overheard him once telling my mother that his life then, could not interfere with his life now. It made little sense to me then, but now I see the intention behind his secret. This life has no place for a young man. Knowing the evil this plane offers would cause a child to end up a heartless vessel for a dark being. Am I such a vessel? Even with good intentions, and polite interaction, I am still cast out. I suppose giving up would defy all that I have worked for now. I once heard an expression, turning a new leaf, the term made little sense to me then. I now understand the saying, to start fresh, new, be the person you want, not the person others see you as. Perhaps this is my newest mission? I am to prove to myself, that I am not such a heartless vessel for some dark being. Perhaps, I am simply Charles, and that's enough.

    (the entry seems like it would continue if not for a large blotch of ink seemingly spilled on the page.)

  • D

    (Charles sits in the Grapevine Inn beside the fire)

    Such a deviant. Such a twist on the very fabric of all I thought I knew. You were the same way Gloriana. Withe every word I would hang like a rotten apple from the decaying stem. Your hair, your smile..by the Gods must you taunt me with such beauty. Tainted by the sulfuric stain of the deepest hell, swollen by the charm of every passing man. I too have such a taint, but mine is forced deep within. With every breath, I wish it to be my last. I thought, no, I knew I could go on. Love has a boundary, it cannot follow through forests, over rivers, under mountains…it cannot. Yet every morning I awake in fear. Fear you have found me, fear worse, that I have found you. What would I say, what would I do? I ask myself that more times a day than I wish to admit. I sit here, beside a fire, wishing I could be as free as the flames. Free from thought, free from pity, free from this everlasting madness I have become frighteningly accustomed.

    I have renounced my faith for good cause. Tempus may choose to head my false attempts of worship, that is his choice to make, but no longer can I test my faith to Him He has lead me nowhere I wish to stay, nowhere I wish to ever visit again. With promises of freedom and wealth, I was rewarded with bloodshed and loss. Gloriana, why couldn't you see that? How could you be blinded by such heresy? Perhaps the same way I was blinded by your spell. Your mastery of deception has left me stunned. I walk amongst the people in this land with fear that one may call me out. Fear…the only thing I can attest to feeling. The Ale doesn't make that go away.

    I go to dream now, be with me Gloriana, I am with you.

  • D

    (Charles wakes up in the barracks terribly hungover with a black eye)

    I found myself at the mercy of a Dwarf last night. I must admit, I had that beating coming. The ale helps with the pain, but it seems to make numb of my other qualities as well. I can not seem to remove her from my thoughts…not you Gloriana, there is another that I allow to haunt my dreams. Reo, what a stupid name to begin with. Reo means nothing to me, I wish that were true. What can she mean? You're being childish. You find a pretty girl and indeed you are stricken. Stricken, I feel like afternoon beef being prepped for the pan. I feel sick again. What is it you want with her Charles? To be alone, happy in a peaceful house surrounded by flowers and cattle? You're not that man Charles. Maybe once upon a poisoned dream, but nay any longer are you capable of such a life. I've told you hundreds of times, you are what you are and no misconceptions of who that may be can change anything. You are a killer Charles, you were born in blood the moment your eyes met your mothers corpse. What do you think that voice is when you hear something in the darkness? Who are you speaking to when you call who's there? You think you're writing these words? We're the same Charles, you and I are the same. the only difference is that I do not try to hide behind pretty girls and pools of ale. You're pathetic, and I hope they all see it soon.

    (the entry ends there with many dried water droplets staining the page)

  • D

    (this handwriting seems sloppier than the previous entries, perhaps the writer had been stressed, emotional, drunk even)

    Was on behalf of the fine ale given to me at the Grapevine Inn, that I gone and told my secret. She isn't deserving of my past, she makes it clear you're unde- the rest is scribbled heavily in ink- I was brought back to my last night in Zhentil Keep. A relentless amount of ale had taken the worst in me, pouring out onto the tavern table. I feel sick again. Perhaps it is the ale, perhaps the perpetual void in which I flee every waking moment…the void you left Gloriana. The very void I came to accept, is now tearing at me from every advantage. You were to be my bride, on the fifth day after our leave...you were to be my pretty little sinner. I felt once, no..I knew the reason you called to me in the night, screaming...blood covered you called to me through the darkness. I came running into your ambush...you were to be killed Gloriana, not me. How can you blame me? You chose the Dark One to call lord, you chose to fall for his pitiful lies of of blessed wealth and eternal joy. I merely wanted you to seek true joy, and a wealth that no God can promise. What I had thought to be love revealed itself in the shape of betrayal. You told you're assassins that I was the one to be sacrificed in the name of The Black Lord. I drew my blade yes, but it was mere instinct. How could I not react in such a way? Gloriana you told those men to kill me, I heard it, from your lips you spoke the word with intent, with no regard, hell I think I remember you smiling. As your would be assassins took their blades to me, it was but a moments thought, they had to be dealt with. As I stand in victory over the three men, you dare deny me my mortal prize, a dagger in the lung ought to do the trick...
    As I lay in a what I could assume was a puddle of my own blood, you kneel to me, to send me off into the dead plane with a final thought. The words, the words you spoke still ring in my mind with but every passing moment. You knelt, you spoke...I can't argue perhaps it was the cowardly thing to do, but you needed to die by my hand after that. My blade through your stomach ended a life, yes...but your life had ended along with our promise of love. So I lay dying, you lay dead, and the only thing I hear is your words Gloriana.

    Sleep well my love, I hope you die in pain.

  • D

    (Charles is sitting in the militia barracks early one morning as he writes in a small, palm-sized notebook bound in leather.)

    I now sit comfortably in the barracks, a place I once felt comfortable with you. We would sit and reflect on the days battle, count the number of sons that have lost their mothers, laugh at the number of mothers who've lost their sons. T'is making me sick just thinking about it. That's how I know you're gone, Gloriana, I can feel sick when thinking of the valleys filled with the blood of our enemies, rivers ran crimson into the town well. I should have known something was wrong when you came to me that day. The regiment had come in from the morning patrol around the wall, and you were there, sitting on your cot across the hall. Wearing the darkest black imaginable, even in the morning light you could pass for a miraculous void. The cot next to mine, of course, what could I have done to be cursed with the knowledge that I'd have to try and sleep next to such a sinister being. You greeted me with a witches smile. I could feel the evil cross the room and enter my very being with the smallest of breaths. The darkness in the magic took me by surprise. A smile from a siren, you were truly beautiful Gloriana.