The big book of Geoff Hursburg
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_Chapter one: The underdarks
Today me and a few new friends of mine went fer a trip right down into the underdarks! Gawly, should’a seen the ‘mount of undeads there was! Know what I aint never seen? A Hin undead. Now that would be a hilarious thing to fight.
Anyways
We gots down there and I was doin’ pretty bad. I even fell down started bleedin’! Some nice fellow suggested I get myself back down to Norwick as fast as possible. Shucks, what if more of them undeads come an got me?
A nice gentleman offered to e-scort me all the ways back home but I thought that would be askin’ too much! They’d already used most of their healy charms on me. Instead that same man whose name still escapes me turned me invisible! I was sneakin’ past them undeads like nobody’s business.
When I got back to Norwick no one could see me! And a elf lady bumped herself right into me and threatend to cut me! She says “Identerfy yerself of I’ll swing my blade in your direction” then I said to her, “Gawly, miss, my names Geoff Hurrsburr, I don’t mean you no harms”
And thats how it all happend, the end.
-Geoff
Notes:
-I owe Louey Tukey my life from when she saved me from that undead pig and I owe Davey Gravey 200 golds or my thumbs for the shiney new armour he got for me so I wouldn’t get killed so easy-like.
Ma always says: Ya gotta pay all yer dets’re you’ll loose yer thumbs.Louey- not paid
Davey-not paid-That Vulsha Orc-lady sure is a handsome woman. I gotta be puttin' my most charmin' moves on that vixen. Darn tootin'
-Ar-lane dont seem to accept our friendship. Shucks, I'm the nicest guy there ever has been._
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you get bored of reading this irrelevant crap and flip forward a bit
_Chapter 23: Quest to Amn
Well, ‘ol Davey Gravey ain’t gon’ be happy that I didn’t get his money yet! Gawly, this Norwick place sure is full of some mean people, I tall ya what! Seems my only chance is ta go back to mah farm down in Amn. See my Ma and Pa again.
I was travlin’ on out when I bumped myself right on into none other than Ar-lane. He told me he was going to go to Amn and asked me if I wanted to go with him! I said ya darn tootin’ I do! But then he said he had some stuff ta do in Norwick before he left, so I done went on without him and he said he’s catch up. So off I went, back home, back to my chickens an’ all them cows.
-Geoff
Notes:
-Figured out I was going the wrong way so I’m setting up camp and headin’ on back in the morning._
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_Chapter tew
Couple’a fellers got in a fight today.
A pirate and a pally-din they was. ‘parently the pirate insulted a lady and the Pally was gettin’ all defensive, like a good man should. The Pallerdin took the pirate out the gates and told him to take the first hit, thinkin’ he’d be all tough then BAM! Big flashy lights an’ the Pallery-din couldn’t move!
Everyone wanted to bring him inside so none Gobby-lins would come and get him, but he was too heavy.
After that little display I went and got me some rec-er-ation-el clothes fer when I’m not out killing some. They’s all brown and purple. After that I met a nice man named John and his friend who couldn’t pre-nounce my name…Don’t you just HATE when that happens?
I wish I could talk to Ar-lane again. I’ve heard some good stories about him and his little fighty Legion thing.
I run into Miss Squeak, too! But I’m not allowed to “cove ert” with her ‘cus she’s Davey Gravys Wife’re somthin’. Someone told me her name wasn’t even Squeak, I was so embaressed, I was.
Thems folks at the gate was borin’ so I went for a little walks down to the graveyard, hopin’ to smash me some skelertons. I did. Then I got attacked by a pack of wolves and they shook me up somthin’ fierce so I trodded on home and a nice woman who didn’t say much came an bandaged me up. And some guy came and poked me and I got all healed up! It was the darndest thing.
Then I went to check on the crops
Notes:
-Vulsha, my love, I will get you yet!_
