Half orc sings ...
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after prepping Lisa and the guards not to slay or arrest him - as the following is just a performance, and also prepping a couple of the people in the crowd to boo and hiss as he performs, Bon dons a dark cape, and voice amplifying Darth Vader like helmet and strides up onto the rant stand. A ridiculous looking "holy symbol" hangs about his neck that seems to be a combination of Cyric and Banite design. The skull of Cyric has poking it's tongue out, and the clenched fist of Bane is holding up one pinky finger
CITIZENS!
As this "vote" approaches, I command you to vote for neither your pathetic senate or this George of yours! For I TOO have the DIVINE RIGHT to RULE OVER YOU! Yes, by the power of my dark gods, I have the RIGHT to command your SUBMISSION!
And rest assured good citizens, I shall RULE you ALL with an IRON FIST!
… (sweetly) Wrapped in a velvet glove of course.
But that velvet glove shall be wrapped up in ANOTHER IRON FIST! NAY a STEEL FIST! No wait … ADAMANTIUM! Yes an ADAMANTIUM FIST! A FIST with which I shall CRUSH ALL REBELLION and with which to bring the PEACE that comes through TRUE SUBMISSION to DIVINELY APPOINTED AUTHORITY!
I PROMISE NO TAXES TO BE PAID BY ANYBODY! Why should a slave pay tax!? ALSO! You shall all have FREE ALE with which to drown the misery of your afflictions.
SO! For a TAX FREE, FREE BOOZE PELTARCH vote for ME! Your DARK LORD! And be RULED OVER RIGHTLY with DIVINE RIGHT RIGHTLY!
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Feeling that the city could benefit from a boost to patriotism, Bon begins to sing the anthem.
((sung to the tune of "Advance Australia Fair"))
**Beside the Icelace frigid waves
Pelt-Arch stands tall and free!
Ne-ver will you see fair-er state
Ev-er in liberty!
Beneath the radiant northern sky
All Peltarch sons stand true
Now and always thee doth shine
O’Ev-er bril-liant Jewel!Through darkest times we have all come
With darker times ahead
With courage we face all our trials
And take grief in our stead.
And like the phoenix from the ash
Peltarch soars high anew!
A shining beacon burning clear
O’Ev-er bril-liant Jewel!**((observant folk may notice that he misses out the second verse.))
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Magistrate Ashald-Jorinsen listens for a while, then flips a coin to the bard and continues back to work in his office.
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((The continuation of the previous song - sung to the tune of "how do you solve a problem like Maria?" from Sound of Music.))
How do you solve a problem like Ma-wee-yah?
How do you gaol a mage and hold her down?
How do you run a city from a prison cell??
It’s surely not a boon for this poor town!How do you solve a problem like Ma-wee-yah?
You make her join Defender rank and file!
But how is this a punishment
for Ma-wee-yah??
At least the city is rid-of-her for a while!How do you solve a problem like Ma-wee-yah?
How …do you dodge a burning …..fire brand?skips about the commons as he sings the next staccato part
Off she skips to join her friends
Oh how the laughter never ends
Yes they feel the judge’s “sentence” is a joke. waves hand dismissivelyStands to attention and pops an imitation Defender helm on as a prop
We Defenders fight with PRIDE salutes
We stand as one rank side by side marches on the spot
To have her join us for her crimes Invokes our ire!We consider it an honour Halts, fist beats heart
To serve the Jewel this very hour
But our shame we lay a side - she slays with fire!Yes she zaps the gnollish threat
Oh on our triumph you can bet!
And now there’s martial law - who can take our power!? looks up, raising a triumphant fist to the skyHow do you solve a problem like Ma-wee-yah?
You DON’T! You make her a problem for someone else!
For now it is the Gnolls who suffer Ma-wee-yah.
But maybe soon the citizens of this town!?Peltarch was once a beacon of civilisation.
Nowadays though I’m not always so sure.
Law and justice has gone away,
And tyranny is on its way.
Unless the Sons of the Jewel can take a stand….operatic finish
How do you solve a problem like Ma-wreeeeeee-yaaaaaaaaah?
How ….. do you dodge a bur - ning …..fire braaaaaaaand?
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((sung to the tune of "how do you solve a problem like Maria?" from Sound of Music.))
The halforc lass showed too much sass
And got on the mage’s nerve
And when at last she began to cast
begins to dramatically cast a cantrip
The horc forgot to swerve.
throws a flare spell at the sundial, making a dramatic puff and flash
Lucky for the halforc
One was there to cast a cure.
But now the mage is cooling off in the pwree – zon!.She's a senator of Peltarch
But her tower’s way down south.
She'll cook you if you tick her off
So you better watch you mouth.
Some folk say she is decent
Some folks say she is mad.
Some say she’s not an asset to the city.In a serious tone.
I'd like to say a word in her behalf…
Ma-wee-yah makes me laugh – BA ha harrr…How do you solve a problem like Ma-wee-yah?
How do you gaol a mage and hold her down?
How do you run a city from a prison cell??
It’s surely not a boon for this poor town!
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During a busy part of the day, Bon Osbourne strolls into the commons dressed in a brilliant white shirt, black trousers, and black and red cloak. He Stums lazily on his lute as he looks about, trying to gather an audience via eye contact and friendly gestures. Once he feels that the has some attention he begins…
strumming of his lute increases in volume and tempo
I'd like to sing a song for you all about a hero, a hero very close to my heart and one to whom I think we all owe admiration and love.
He gets up on one of the benches and sings
If you knew, Mari Xu
Then you'd know why I feel blue
Oh no Mari, oh Mari Xu oo ooo!
Oh well, I love you so
Yes I love you Mari Xu! Strumitty strumitty
STRUMITTY STRUMITTY
Strumitty strumitty
Strumitty strumitty Mari Xu, You’re the best!
So good you eclipse the rest.
Oh Mari.. Ma-a-ari Xu oo oo.
Oh yes we bow in awe,
Yes we love you Mari Xu! Strumitty strumitty
STRUMITTY STRUMITTY
Strumitty strumitty
Strumitty strumitty You’ve saved the land, yet again!
Will-you-will-you-will-you let me be your friend?
“No way!” But Mari!? My Mari Xu-oo!
Oh well I’ll just sit by-
And I’ll watch you Mari Xu. Strumitty strumitty
STRUMITTY STRUMITTY
Strumitty strumitty
Strumitty strumitty I want to be - just like you!
I’ll change my name to Garry Stu!
Oh, Mari, my Mari Xu-oo-ooo
Nar-fell will love us
As we save them Mari Xu! Steps up to balance on the rail behind the bench. He launches into an furious lute solo, launching himself off the rail to land in the center of the common to continue singing **Mari Xu, Mari Xu
pretty-pretty-pretty-pretty Mari Xu
oh Mari, our Mari Xu-oo-ooo!
Oh we all love you so,
yes we need you, Mari Xu
I love you Mari Xu
Your spear and your spells and your cute hair-do!
Oh Mari, my Mari Xu-oo-ooo-oo-ooo…Drops to his knees as he sings the last words
Oh well we love you so
I want to be you, Mari Xu
Oh yeah we love you so
Yes we need you Mari Xu.**
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In an attempt to life spirits and inspire patriotism, Bon has been singing the "O'Ever Brilliant Jewel" anthem (see a few posts above) in the commons from time to time
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Bon occasionally sings this song in Peltarch common while beating a tribal beat on a hand drum
An orc once met a goblin lass Bada-bum!
Sitting there under a deadwood tree Bada-bum!
Together they sat so happily .. the orc said "goblin will you marry me?" Bada-bum Bada-bum Bada-bum!The goblin lass considered the orc Bada-bum!
He was very-very tall but a bit of a dork Bada-bum!
But she said "well Mister Orc you're quite comely! Maybe together it's you and me!?" Bada-bum Bada-bum Bada-bum!The goblin and the orc got married that day Bada-bum!
Went 'n had a honeymoon in th' hay Bada-bum!
Today the live west of Peltarch state, in a tiny little cave with a nice white gate Bada-bum Bada-bum Bada-bum!
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( A fairly grim song usually sung late at night in taverns during quiet moments. Sung to the horribly modified tune of Cats in the Cradle )
she walked the docks - on a lonely street
Heard what she thought - were sailor's feet
"Two copper m'lad, - and I'm yours for the night?"
She turned around and saw a pair of knives.
To the Dancing Ferret Inn she was pinned like a tanned hide
A "V" in her chest her throat cut open wide.(Chorus)
Hey there pretty lady with the painted face,
Parading your wares beside the Icelace.
The Cutter's gonna get you though i don't know when,
You'll be in big strife then lass.
You know You'll be in dire strife then!Flowers for just - a copper apiece,
She says her prays - and she pays her lease
A gent comes in - she thinks him a friend,
But no one ever did see her again.
Will they ever find her body? Probably not.
At the bottom of the Icelace she is sure to rot.Hey there little lady with the flower and vase,
Selling your wares beside the Icelace.
The Cutter's gonna get you though i don't know when,
You'll be in big strife then lass.
You know You'll be in dire strife then!On tables she waits - she lives off tips
She had a lovely face - and wonderful eyes.
A hard night done - she wanders home
She shouldn't have walked the streets alone.
When they found her both her arms and her face had been cut off.
Alive when they found her she slowly died.Hey there busy lady with the pretty face
Waiting on tables beside the Icelace
The Cutter's gonna get you though I don't know when.
You'll be in big strife then lass.
You know you'll be in dire strife then.Our ladies taken - one by one
Children now vamps - burn in the sun.
you think your safe? Do you hide at home?
On Peltarch's streets you dare not roam.
But the grave comes for all that's the truth my friend
By a knife or old age your life is sure to end.Lo there citizens of every race,
Living by the waves of the grand Icelace.
The grave is gonna to get you though we don't know when
Your days will be all over then friend,
Your days will be all over then.
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Whenever a city official comes within earshot of the commons, Bon rips out some hard chords and sings the following anthem. He sings it loud enough that keen eared people may even be able to hear it from within city hall
((sung to the tune of "Advance Australia Fair"))
**Beside the Icelace frigid waves
Pelt-Arch stands tall and free!
Ne-ver will you see fair-er state
Ev-er in liberty!
Beneath the radiant northern sky
All Peltarch sons stand true
Now and always thee doth shine
O’Ev-er bril-liant Jewel!At first a tiny fishing town
Home of our king Tid-us
Who’s first act once upon the throne
Was hand his crown to us
As ci-tizens we forge our fate
Both small and great shall rule!
Ne-ver a monarch over us!
O’Ev-er bril-liant Jewel!Through darkest times we have all come
With darker times ahead
With courage we face all our trials
And take grief in our stead.
And like the phoenix from the ash
Peltarch soars high anew!
A shining beacon burning clear
O’Ev-er bril-liant Jewel!**
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Makaio sits quietly listening. Once Bon finishes he stands politely clapping.
Well done Bon. Beautiful song.
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Therean strolls around nearby, a beatific smile upon his face. He is pleased with the lyrics and excited that they should be paired with such a catchy tune.
In between moments of enjoyment, he prowls any gatherings of common folk that may stop to listen, ready to pounce should they wonder just who this Aerdrie is.
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When Imril first hears the song, he is drawn to the spot, his eyes growing wide in surprise when he notices WHO is sing such a lovely Elven hymn. He pauses taking in Bon's craft, those about him can hear him whisper to no one in particular: "Remarkable….I knew I had a good feeling about this Half-Orc when I first laid eyes on him. A most agreeable minstrel to be sure."
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Ama smiles warmly as she listens to the song, her tipping Bon quite generously when he done. She then requests for a copy of the song if he does not mind.
((I'll give you the tip when I see you IG next.))
