3. Excerpts from a Leaf Covered Journal

Excerpts from a Leaf Covered Journal


  • Troff died today, on a crypts trip.

    Damnit Troff….Val told me what you did....I don't whether to kick you ass, or comfort you.....

    I guess, once I find you, I play it by ear.


  • Huh.
    This has been an odd week indeed…As I already know, and see no need to say it again....
    Cubs.

    I got back from my wonderful trip through the Most-Beautiful-Nightmare, to Find Jerrick had given me a cub to teach and watch over. Okay, I can handle that. Vash seems like a good guy..

    He's taken Vows, doesn't eat....I won't question those things. Gods know I've done some things I thought appropriate for myself that others questioned. He's smart and the wisdom is there, so I'll teach him as best I am able, as I have always done, for each Cub I've taught and fought for.

    I've taken the one I call "Little Wolf" on as well, and yes, I know its not normal for an Elder to take on two apprentices, but times are strange, to put it mildly....he's a fast study to the hunt, and fits into my whole...pack-fighting mentality very well. I have only heard him speak in druidic, even though it seems he understands common.

    I took on a few stalks, staying back, watching him fight, only stepping in as I was needed. He fights with his companion as one mind...as much a wolf as his companion.

    Two Cubs, one very...hrmm...what's the word I would use for Vash....one Vash..and Little Wolf, the feral one.

    A Balance in all things it seems.

    Well, I think I am going to go see if I can't track down Troffle, or Jerrick...or maybe one of the other Wolves and see if I can't find some trouble for myself to get into.


  • Sometimes…I can let that wolf get me into sooo much trouble.

    We were scouting south, past the Norwick ruins....normal stuff...weak undead, some small vermin...they all fell before a massive Dire Wolf that's been in need of a good hunt for a while....and her companion.

    So, we sniff up a trail of some Gobs off to the west. Nothing unusual there...its gob territory, even despite the best efforts of what I from now on will refer to as the "Norwick Regulars"....and the throng of new, suicidal folks.

    We head west.
    Goblins Die.

    and then, it all goes completely south...literally too.

    One of the little mace-wielding-sonuva-she-goblin makes a break for the southern copse of trees. E's hot on his bleeding little tail...and then she chases him into those woods.

    This is what I get I suppose for not letting her stay back near Fayt whereever in the hells he's at.

    I crouch, and go in.

    As soon as my eyes adjust to the darker canopy there, I spot three of those damned sneaks closing in on her...meanwhile....she's caught the scent of an archer or something of theirs...

    I take the first sneak quickly, snapping his neck before he can so much as squeak.

    The second one almost dodged free, but it lived long enough to lets its companion know. Damnit.

    The little fark's friend decides to come back and help his now dying friend....I never saw the fourth one.

    That hurt. Alot. Thankfully, my armor took most of the stab, or I wouldn't be writing this.

    Remeber when I said all hell broke lose? Well, this was it.

    E's a smart and lovable wolf...but sometimes she's a bit too stubborn for her own good. She comes bursting out of the underbrush, leaps, and plows the fourth sneak into a tree. I hear a "snap" and the goblin's back is broken. He's done.

    The problem was the complete little green squeaking army that apparently was after my wolf.

    They showed up. Arrows, sling stones...hell, I think an apple even hit me....

    Thank Meilikki I'd prepared for such a wonderful occasion.

    Lightning tore into their ranks, buying me enough time to get the summons done.

    Goblins, Rocky, Rocky, Goblins. There, now that we all know one another...more lightning....but not mine.

    Wonderful.

    Back in the pack of squeaking, screaming, now being-smashed-flat goblins, I see him. Its a damned Bugbear. and one of thier druids too.

    E's moving to flank the damned thing while Rocky is keeping the throng of Gobs in check, so we make our move on the bugbear.

    Fur, lightning, some more fur, ALOT more lightning, and some arrows...(specifically my nasty ones).

    One Dead Bugbear.
    One Nearly-Dead Adriell.
    One Nearly Dead E'ntali.
    God's-Know-How-Many-Smushed-Goblins.
    And Rocky.

    The Earth Elemental was around alot longer than I expected him to be...Thank Meilikki for that.

    All because of E's little desire to kill a soldier.
    Next time, she's staying with Fayt...or maybe I'll leave her with Troff.....She likes Troff, and he's less likely to get her into as much trouble as Silverfang's wolf is.

    Meilikki's looking out for me for certain.


  • Finally…thought I'd lost this little book in Faerie.....

    Why do I even keep this thing anymore, I have to ask myself....I'm a creature of habit I suppose.....well..that and its a habit I picked up as Andu advised....wait....why in the hells am I even discussing this with myself...

    Anyhow....so..three weeks...three years...yeah, way-gates. That was probably the STUPIDEST thing I've done in a looooong time.
    What whould have been a day and a half, ended up being this nightmare jaunt through probably the most beautiful place I;ve ever seen.

    Yeah. Nightmare.
    Imagine being in one of the most beautiful places....and then being chased by the fae equivalent of a Malarite hunt. Because that's exactly what happened.

    If I ever go home again to Evereska..I'm going to have a very long talk to a certain half fae I know. A long talk as a frothing, raging, dire bear.

    So, for clarification....the title of the page sums it up. Three weeks for me ended up being three years for everyone else.

    Yeah, like I said, a nightmare.

    Oh well....three years...what could I as an elf have lost by losing three years of other folk's lives....

    Theres some tear-stains smudging the ink quite a bit but a few words are visible still

    ....Jerr..... she left......no....I.....die.....hurts too damned much to think about anymore. So...I won't. I'll just take all that and shove it as deep inside me as it will go, and go on with my life.

    It's still hard…but I'm getting by...Troffle's been like the best person through all this....even if he was the one to mention the thing about Jerrick and Feather.
    Oh well, I can't fault him for it. How was he to know what was going on.....

    I've never really thought about it all that much, but now that I look back and think on it...he's always been one of my closest friends...even when he was a recruit under me in the Legion...yeah, he did the whole "Ma'am horsecrap", but he was always quick with a joke when I was sad...

    I hope he thinks of me as good a friend as I can now see him.

    Jerrick and Marty are still at it.
    Its gotten to the point that there's even been a vote to expell her from the Circle.

    Lucky me, I wasn't here for those three intervening years, so I can stay out of it I hope. Marty does frustrate me alot at times, but she's also been really sweet and nice. Hell, its been the same thing as far as I can tell with Jerrick. He's been a great friend, and wonderful packmate….and...there could have been more, but there wasn't....but, there's time I want to throat him, just like Marty.

    I am just staying clear of it. Period.

    Lets see....

    nope...that's about enough written emotional garbage for a while I think. I've shed enough tears for a while, and I don't even want to deal with it now. Time to take E'ntali on a hunt, and feel the Wolf in me, and not the Elf.


  • Alright, that exercise in madness is over…for the most part.

    I was talking to one of the "family friends" about if he knew a fast way back to a place that didn't necessarily "have" a portal set up.

    His name's Ar'gnes, a rather nice half elven half fae I've known for a long time...and that's in elven years.

    "well, there is one way, you can use a way-gate to shorten the distance between the two points...or more, precisely, a few way-gates."

    So, I take the map he offers, and decide that if nothing else, it will be interesting, and I might get to see a few of the Fae that Jerr's always babbling on about...not the ones like Anabelle in the Glen, but the Fae fae....if you catch my meaning. (of course I get it..I wrote it).
    Plus, it will get me back Home faster.

    Ar says it will probably be maybe a day and a half of travel through the way-gates. That's MUCH faster than the few weeks it took to get here...

    I'm heading to the glade in the morning to start the journey...I should get some rest for now though....maybe I'll try and "sleep", maybe even have a good dream about home....about the Wolves...and the Circle...and those I love.


  • Odd to be writing on these pages, sitting in the halls of my father's house, home in Evereska….well...its not really home...my heart's not here...its thousands of leagues to the east...

    I received the missive calling me home, more to do about death and loss....seems to be my lot cast in life to me.

    Nearly a year ago, my father passed from a fatal wound he received while fighting in some war in some land....all in defense of a people that hailed him a hero.

    Hero.

    Seeing his lifeless, cold body on that cold, lifeless marble wasn't much in the way of heroism to me, of course, he and I never saw really eye to eye....so I suppose it was a chance to say farewell to the man that had taught me to fire a bow, to be at home in the woods.
    That was about all he taught me.

    Then....nearly a year to the day later...my mother passes from this plane as well.
    No great cries of loss from our people. I guess they forgot that She was the one that kept Him working as he was.
    I'm not saying there need be some public outcry, as this is not my world anymore…but still....some recognition as to what She did….

    I am sad for her passing, but not like I want to be...I want to sob and ball like my sister and brother....I want to weep poetically for her passing, as they do now, and as they did at Father's passing.
    I can't.
    All I can do is think about if he misses me....because I miss him...terribly...

    All this death and sorrow...and here I am sitting a room from my mother's bier, and all I can think about is a man back in the wilds of the far northeast of all Faerun.

    We never admitted that there was emotion there, that there was a passion we kept in check....maybe when I get back to my Home, things will be different, maybe they will have resolved by then.
    Maybe.

    Gods I'm a mess.


  • _So, once again, I probably said more than I should have, let my emotions color my speech.

    I sit here, watching the cook fire burn down slowly…and I add another piece of wood, and it smolders, and finally catches, blazing anew. Burning bright and clear for a while, but eventually, I'll have to add more wood to the flame, give it something more, in order to keep it lit.

    The wood snaps and crackles, the heat causing it to split, to fracture. Its willing to give all of itself to feed the flames, to keep those the flames warm comfortable.

    I watch the wisps of smoke rise up through the canopy, lost remnants of what that wood was, and its union with the flame.

    Makes me wonder how much wood I have to keep this fire lit. Should I save some of this wood for maybe another fire?

    I guess I'll stay here tending the fire until either I am out of wood, or the flames burn me._


  • _Loss.
    It's never easy. That whole line about "thing's getting easier as they happen more often"….is a boldfaced lie.

    I still can't get the image of him laying there cold and lifeless out of my head. The rage I felt for not preventing it, the beast nearly taking control of me in the fury.

    Brendel laying in a sacrificial circle, a lifeless form. My packmate taken from us. Once again, rage.

    Lycka...the one I swore to protect to my friend Aelthas, struck down in an instant by a foul spell. Shock and horror, then sadness.

    Lycka's mother, laying there in the frozen tundra, surrounded by her family and friends. Sadness, knowing all too well what Lycka felt.

    Seeing my own father, whom I though invincible and above death as a little girl, laying on that smooth white marble, his skin as cold as the stone. Denial of the loss I never thought possible.

    Now I understand Troff's horror I think. To see someone brought back from death, to see their soul reunited to the flesh... We take it for granted that its possible.

    But what about when it isn't?

    What about that final time when the soul refuses to return?

    How does one cope with that, knowing that they'll never hear that person's voice, see that person's face, fell their breath on their neck.....how does someone handle that?

    "We both know the dangers of what we do."

    Does that make it easier? Am I too "close" to those I fight beside and for? Should I distance myself, make myself numb?

    No, I can't and won't. Despite the pain I might feel, I can't and won't remove myself from them. I need them as much as they need me. I need that companionship. Distancing myself would leave me alone. I don't want to be alone.

    Will it be the same for whatever family I may have once my time here is done and the Lady of the Forests takes me?

    Gods, I hope not._


  • _Another bad week, this one a bit worse than normal.

    I spoke with Ael at length about my "problems" and more or less got the "wait and see" response I knew he'd give. I'm not upset by his advice, not at any length, but I am a bit irritated that it just leaves me where I am.

    Undead things attacked the gates. Jerrick died.
    ….

    I snapped at those there that were just...standing there after it happened.
    I shouldn't have, but I did.

    We got him back, an avatar of Meilikki herself brought him back to us. She watches over us. I should find solace in that, but still, seeing him laying there, cold and lifeless...

    I can't get that image out of my mind.

    Another attack, this time, Brendel fell. His body was taken to the lake by some "demon" thing for use in some sacrifice, or something. We didn't give it time to do what it had planned, and got him back to us.

    Two of my friends fallen in one day.
    Two of my friends I failed._


  • _Heh.
    Its funny how you can look back and see things you didn't when they were happening. Gods I hate that.

    Recently, I've as I am sure other have noticed, with the chagrin of a few as well, that I've taken a bit of a "liking" to Jerrick as someone said.
    I tried to keep it hidden, knowing how much trouble he has with the whole idea of relationships, not to mention he is quite the popular one with the ladies…it seems I've not been as discreet as I might have hoped about it though.
    Hell, even Troff seems to have figured it out.

    We talked about for a bit up in his home...things couldn't be more complicated for him it seems. I won't go into too much detail, but lets just say that with Kaetlyn being gone how she is, and the issues with Kara in the past....it's not even an easy topic it seems to bring up.
    Do I just show my hand and let him know everything, or do I wait and just see how things play out?
    Waiting's no fun. Its probably best that I let it all out to him like I did.
    Gods that wasn't easy. I try and keep everything bottled up and compartmentalized. Yes, I know, its a bad idea.

    Since when have I let a bad idea stop me from doing it?

    I guess I'll just take things as they go....I don't want to add any more issues to his already overloaded plate, but he seems to seek me out as much as I do him.

    I don't Kaetlyn at all... but I hope she's safe and happy. I bear no ill will to anyone that's cared about someone I care about as well, and I won't start now.

    That brings me to Albryanna...
    Maybe its just me, maybe it is my intuition going off....ot maybe its the fact I can "smell" the way she feels.
    She seems nice, but all business, and as much as I try to be friendly, I just seem to get a cold shoulder. Oh well. I guess we can't all be friendly.

    I don't know, maybe I should just go spend some times out in the wilds, just me and that big furball of mine.

    Of course, then I get to hear her pine, and whimper, and watch her sniff and pace, looking for Jerrick's wolf, Fayt.

    Do I act like that?

    I'll leave her near his house while I am out then. maybe a week and a half. She'll be happy, Fayt will be happy. I'll talk to Jerrick about the idea tomorrow when I see him again.

    Anyhow...I've bled out my heart and been all mushy.
    There.

    Why don't I feel better then?_


  • _Well, I suppose there's no more confusion now. Aranwe's left for lands unknown, with only a "bye" to me as he did….I never really got a chance to say anything to him...

    Jerrick's under too much stress now, so its best I just let him be.... let him figure this all out I guess. I can't tell if he's upset, or angry, or what....and I don't like it, but I'm doing what I can to make it all better for him.

    He means alot to me.

    Elyl was being a mouth breathing idiot at the south gates...talking about how he's not sad to see the shrine to Auril go, and then, once the Pack had left without me, he went so far as to say some things about Horlamin behind his back.

    Coward.

    I don't know what to do...I want to just "leave"...._


  • _More visions….I don't what's causing them, or why I am seeing them so frequently now...They seem to come to me in my sleep. That in of itself is odd and strange, since I don't really "need" to sleep, but I've started growing accustomed to it.
    I wonder if these are what dreams are generally like.

    The wolfpack is doing well so far, but I haven't spent as much time with them as of late as I'd like to have...there's been other things I've been dealing with.

    One, involves a very "interesting" moment with a vampire.
    Yes, a Vampire.
    I can't believe I let that happen, it still scares the hell out of me now, even weeks later. Sometimes, when I am sleeping, I can see his face...and "feel" what happened, only to be woken in a cold sweat.

    I've taken to not sleeping alone if I can help it because of this. Between those "images" and the visions, I'm very fearful of waking up alone somewhere and not knowing where I am or who's there.
    As long as he's willing to let me be near him though, I feel safe. Protected.

    Its funny...
    After what happened all those long years ago, I thought I would never feel that again, feel safe like I do...when He's there.

    Well, I think I need to go spend some time with my pack...I need to see how they're doing...._


  • _Welllllll…..thinks have certainly become interesting.

    I've left the Order of the Phoenix....hopefully on good terms....but I just couldn't in good conscience remain a member and follow my current path. I "spoke" with Ginger for a bit about it....I am still weirder out by that telepathy thing she can do....She seemed to understand though as to my reasons. Phoenix or not, she's still my sister.

    I've gained a new pack, literally, I was accepted into a pack of wolves there in the Pass...I've been making sure they are staying clear of the roads though, I don't want them getting hunted just because some idiot with a bow wants a wolf-pelt cloak. The Alpha pair kind of remind me of my own companion and Jerrick's.
    If only people would take the time to observe nature, and live with Her, and not fear and destroy her, they see that a wolfpack isn't much different from a normal humanoid family or clan. There's a leader, and there's a structure that the pack follows, because it knows that that's how things are. It how Nature made them, and how they are....and for the love of Meilikki, they have to eat too, just like the deer they hunt.

    We've recently gotten an...influx of new cubs for the Circle as well...which is a good thing, although one of them I worry about. She's a bit to forward in challenging the "pack hierarchy" as it were. I understand having questions, but there's a way to ask them. I dearly hope she doesn't learn that the hard way.
    The other three are interesting. The one Caelian is training is sweet and kind, and I like her alot. I hope to see good things from her. Plus, she's a nice balance to Caelian's impetuous nature.

    Jerrick's new cub is interesting as well, as he knows much of Faerie, as well things alot of people don't, such as the Trods and Leylines. He's quiet, and thoughtful, once again, much the Balance to Silverfang.

    Marty's cub is the troublemaker of the group, the one I mentioned previous, but still, I think there's a reason for her nature. I'll try and help her when I can...gods know I was a handful for Andu....

    The last of the cubs, Horlamin is interesting. He follows Auril, but is a good listener, and despite his "odd" take on some things, he brings a good balance to the new cubs as a whole, since the rest are either children of the Lady of the Forest, or her father. Despite his patron, he is "warm" in his own way. Maybe he's the hope we need for the acceptance of the Frostmaiden in these lands....

    And finally, there's the one I just call...."Wolf" since, that's exactly how he acts...he's very feral, much more the wolf than the man, but maybe that's something we need in the Circle. He's tolerant of others, not like a malarite I used to know that was feral.
    He's currently not accepted by a councilor or an Elder as far as I know....perhaps, once Theo passes his trials, I may take him. I can empathize to him....

    There's still the "fear" I have that I wrote of before....as much as I care about Aranwe...I don't think that this is going to end well for him. I don't want to place him into harm's way more than needed.
    ......and it seems now there are complications to that as well.

    Gods be good and grant me wisdom here..._