3. The Journal of Jerrick Rayfe

The Journal of Jerrick Rayfe


  • A note is scribbled into the journal after his last.

    _And as soon as I worry for him, he seems to answer his own questions. It's a good thing that when I dont know what to think… someone else does the thinking for me!

    Funny that when I mentioned Dana to myself.. her "Interest" arrives at my fire in the middle of the night, unannounced, claiming to have been "out for a stroll".

    At night.

    Ilanthe he called himself. This should be interesting, at least.

    I was suspicious when he walked up, because I heard from Adriell and another friend at the fire in front of my house, that earlier several Druids had been attacked in front of my home by those damned dog-tribe goblins.

    Not much later apparently, Adriell was alone there, and attacked by an orcish hunter of some sort? What the hell... apparently he had a companion with him as well, a large boar. At.. my... house...

    I'm going to need to either make a sign, or start leaving examples of what happens to those who even think about that kind of thing._


  • _Again, I have cause for worry.

    I worry that I have thrust my apprentice into my shadow all these years with my teaching, or how I teach, or simply by my prescence and habit to take the forefront of things in a situation.

    He confronted me today, and claimed that I did not know what it was like being known as something other than myself. Insted, to be known as someone else's apprentice.

    Indeed, I do not.

    Does it help that he offers that information to people freely? Probably not.
    It is not my place to judge, however. I think he's had quite enough of my judging… yet still he asks my opinion on things. Things like his judgement. His decisions.

    While I welcome the chance to help him if I can... I wonder now if I'm doing more harm than good? He relates closely to birds, and now I feel like I've caged him without my own knowledge or intent.

    What do I do?

    Thanks to me, he seems unable to find himself.

    Have I done wrong yet again?

    The new apprentice fears me, or hates me, or just thinks I am a stuffed up fool with no patience or caring or understanding. At least one of these I am sure is true.

    Yet I treat her the same as Horlamin, and Aervanna, and even my Wolves.

    I worry for Caelian, and Dana, for different reasons.
    One I fear for his listening to me, the other for the opposite.

    Why do I feel like I failed both?_


  • _I mut be doing something to make people surround me.

    I wake up next to Marty. Then she leans on me at the south fire.
    Gives me a very nice sling with my name on it.
    Now that crazed elf with the torch is standing over me with it… again.
    Adriell's walked off when Albry leaned on me immediately after I moved away from Marty.

    Is getting away from folks attracting MORE attention? Dammit.
    Listening to the elf argu with Dana about speaking elven would normally be funny, but I'm getting annoyed.

    If it's not one thing, it's another. If someone's not mad, they're sad, or feeling left out, or ... I don't know. Something. Sorely tempted to push the elf off the lookout tower here, just for a moment of peace. Even as I'm writing, she's quizzing me on it. Anorfithredia was her name, I think.

    At least the fact that my hair is red seems to keep her from wanting to torch it. Nutter...

    I can hear Adriell destroying terrified goblins from here, and her and E'ntali howling. I think she's mad. Maybe jealous? I know I don't have the right to be jealous of anyone, I have someone... somewhere, but I feel it anyway sometimes.

    More and more I can only think about the kind of crap she had to go through when I was missing. I wonder if anyone's been cusing her the kind of mental grief as I've been causing myself with everyone around here?

    Mielikki's mercy on my ignorance. My desires. My confusion.

    I have only myself to blame for all of this, and now I can only sit back and laugh at myself because of it.

    I am such an idiot._


  • The script is a little erratic at this entry. He seems both rushed, and stuck on what to write, as if he left his quill on the page too long between several words and sentences.

    _Well dammit.

    "If you know what you want, go after it. "

    It sounds like something I would say.

    I feel like a hungry animal in front of fresh game, but knowing that there's familiar hunting territory over a hill that I'm very fond of, and also having something directly in front of me that isn't mine, but is available.

    It seems obscure… but dammit, how else do I explain it.

    Interest. I have it. Others have them.
    It doesn't mean I should. I feel lousy about it from every angle.

    The writing stops as if interrupted suddenly, and there's a speck of blood on the page. The writing resumes much more collected and neat.

    _Thank you goblin caster fella, and little fire critters jumping out of the fire. I needed a little excitement. The fire critters fell easily enough to my frosted blade, but that caster was an invisible pain in my arse. Til I put an arrow in it's back… Little bastard set me on fire first though.

    I think I'll take a nap.

    The writing picks back up again.

    _I Wake up to a sharp voice, and a torch in my face. Next to Marty.

    Great.

    I'm watching this elf woman be bizarre, and talk about bringing fire to the cold south. Still not sure what I think of her, but I'm putting this away before her torch gets to it.

    Psycho.___


  • _Watching an elf dream is a little… surreal.
    It reminded me of Fayt dreaming of ... well whatever wolves dream of. The slight body movements, the movements of eyes beneath their lids, and I couldn't help but sit there and wonder what she saw.

    I didn't try to wake her last time, like we all did the last.
    I saw. I waited. I watched. I didn't realize it, but I listened too, because she spoke.

    I know it was another vision, which we spoke about upon her waking, but it makes me wonder. Do I speak in my sleep?
    Do I move my body while in my dreams?

    I can only imagine if I do what these nightmares cause me to act out while I'm unaware of my body. I hope I don't fall asleep where I can hurt myself or someone else... I'd hate to thrash and break something.

    We spoke for a while, about the visions, and then I headed off for some rest. It seems I don't get as much as I would like lately, even when I try. The dreams wake me, or whatever is on my mind wakes me with a feeling that I have to go forth, and -do- whatever is on my mind before I may sleep.

    More goblins have paid my way to sleep in blood than I can count.
    Turns out exhaustion works too..._


  • _Some people are hard to gauge.
    Some appear to wear their heart on their sleeve, then it seems like you never knew them at all when they are called to make a decision.

    I cannot help but wonder if I seem the latter to some.

    To see this much shock, awe, and surprise on the faces of those I have known for decades, baffles me. It's gone so far as to make me dread the day that I know is soon to come, when I face the rest of them.

    I've done no wrong, yet I feel a criminal.
    Everyone says "Follow your heart."

    They're full of shit.

    Those same people preach and protest, and waggle fingers because their opinion of what you did doesn't mesh with what they would have.
    It's past silly. It's into insulting.

    I find myself not trusting people far too often, and viewing strangers with an initial distrust. Being wary is all fine and good, but I need to quit letting this get to me.

    Speaking of strangers, I took a fairly interesting new fellow on a trip with my pack, and he did very well with us. Looking forward to getting to know this one better._


  • _Well, that settles it.
    I can't say I've seen it all, but that makes it damned close. (Added in) and amazing to see. Fascinating!
    Just… wow. Even left a present, once for each of us.
    Nice fellow...

    On a seperate note, today was... trying, to say the least.

    Bad news of sorts on three NEW separate fronts.

    One got hurt, one's in trouble and needs to go explain, and the other is too curious for his own good. So curious, that he may have handed himself over to someone he knows nothing about for... whatever nefarious purpose they may have!

    Or they could be all sunshine and rainbows.

    Wonderful...

    I was having a perfectly good nap, too, but the thoughts of everything keep waking me up. I keep seeing Legionnaires in my dreams, and instantly dreading talking to them, imagining it'll be like before.

    Then I see Kara, and she chastises me for rising to the bait and reacting.

    I see Celestria, and the waterfall we spent so much time near. She looks troubled, and I know there's nothing I can do to help her.

    I see Sierra, on the road to Amn, the city in the background, and hear something in the bushes to the right, so I look, and find nothing. I turn back to her, and she's gone. Vanished... and I have the feeling she was never there.

    I see the Queen, and she beckons. She tempts me with the life of the consort... easy enough to turn down, but I can't help but shiver as I walk away, knowing I am watched.

    I see a friend lose his struggle, and blood in the snow. I hear my own laughter... and remember several years ago...

    I see a cold, snowy mountain. I see purple armor, a familiar green cloak, I see Kaetlyn in a blizzard. Is she alone? I imagine her finding her compass, and looking back towards Jiyyd every day, and wonder if she even thinks I'll have returned. I see a dark shadow behind her that isn't hers.

    Damn you Kence, you've tainted my very dreams with your suppositions.

    I see the face of the "Mielikkian" every time I don my armor, and now he visits in dreams, calling me weak. I am frozen in place by the spell, and I see the blade rise up for the killing blow...

    A figure in blue appears at the fire in a bolt of lightning. She speaks of good things, and tells me personally that my trials and tribulations will be rewarded, and that although I know already, she wanted to remind me that "She" watches. I feel lighthearted for a moment, before talk turns to death. At least our deaths will be long remembered.

    The cold sweat upon waking is perhaps the most annoying. The dreams are bad enough, but the physical reminder upon waking makes it harder to shake off. I'm sick of dreaming like this. Might try a sleeping draught sometime, just for one good night..._


  • _It seems to me… that my actions have a greater effect on a greater number of people than I originally thought.

    I made a decision to leave the Legion, and better focus on the path the Lady has set before me. There are times and situations for compromise, and there are times that it should not even be considered.

    I believe focusing on being a warden of nature first and foremost should be my main focus, and letting the Legion do their thing without me didn't seem to me like it would cause any major poblems.

    Of course, I was wrong.

    Telli came to me, not understanding why I had left.
    I explained, and while I am sure she didn't really like it much, she said nothing demeaning, nothing insulting, just that she hopes I'll stay around as their counsel to the Druid circle.

    I don't see a problem with that, as I'll be more than happy to advise anyone coming to me, but it's also clear that my suggestions are not necessarily heeded by some, and I don't need to be put in a position leading them where I will have to force someone's hand by direct order, or force them to stay said hand.

    I don't need it. They don't need it. And speaking of not needed...

    Marty found me next.
    She took the "Grag" approach, and said a few things she shouldn't have.
    I was accused of "Going limp", as the reason for leaving the Legion, and then asked if I was "Going Kara."
    The quill dug into the page fairly hard here, and a tear in it is visible.

    _People can say what they wish about me.
    They can call me an Aurilite, or a fury worshipper, or whatever else they like. Hellsakes, I recently had to help kill a "Mielikkian" whose grand idea it was to have dire animals attack any armed adventurer in the woods, because they clearly meant harm to them.

    He used magics of disease and pestilence on me when we dueled to see who stays in these lands, and when I was beaten, went to strike me down for good. My wolves quickly took his life. I wear his armor now as a reminder. I will never become that. So deluded in his zeal to protect that he forgot what he was protecting…

    Kara lost her soul protecting others.
    She gave it up as the price to save those she held dear, and though it was the wrong decision in everyone's mind including my own, I know others that have made entirely more selfish decisions in less pressing circumstances.

    Yes, she had to work for a Devil.
    Hells, yes she was made to lead the N'Jast army here, against Peltarch for something I doubt even happened.
    Before she was called to make good on her debt, do I think she had any evil or ill will towards us? No.

    I no longer speak to her, as she is descended into the hells, someplace I wish not to follow... At any rate, this whole "Going Kara" thing is fine and good, until somebody throws it in my face as an accusation of me "Going Darkside" so to speak.

    People want to see me do that?
    I hope they keep pressing.

    On an entirely different note, still no word from Kaetlyn.
    After a run-in with Kence that nearly ended in blood, I worry for her.
    His claims put me on edge, and I cannot help but wonder. Does she travel alone? Is one with her, or following close behind, with ill will in their heart, or more concern for their purse?

    Those I've been spending the most time with lately, things havechanged a bit. I don't know when it happened, or why... it's funny. Not ONE of us is technically available, but there's a tension in the air I couldn't tear through with a blessed sword sometimes.

    I still can't figure out if I dislike it.__


  • A piece of parchment is suck with sap to the inside of Jerrick's journal, slightly dirty about the edges, on it's own page, with writing beneath it.
    @d852c3b483:

    Mydeer,

    Please forgive me. I can't wait any longer and I'm not sure I could do what He wants if I waited to see you again.

    He's been calling me to go into the mountains for over a year, I kept waiting to see if you'd come back, but you're gone for now, and I have to go, while I still can.

    There must be a shrine out there, past the demons and the snow. I have to look for it.

    I pray that Mielikki is keeping you safe and you are with friends. I worry that you're hurt, that too many people are asking too much of you. I ask the winds to be kind to you.

    Keep safe. I'll return if I can.
    All and forever, yours.

    _Well, that explains why even I have not been able to find her…

    I was sitting at the fire with Troff and Belia, when it occured to me. I had written recently in this book once more, and was reading back over my writings, when I rememebered where Kaetlyn and I sat so often, overlooking Jiyyd. The bluff where we spent so much time together.

    I feel like an idiot now, for not checking there first. Or at all.

    I dug the letter up, buried under the leftmost statue. That's the one she always sat closest to.

    It says she'll be back, which I look forward to greatly... but she raises a point that the guilt I feel for rests heavily upon me for. I am gone so often that she truly cannot be sure when I will be back, if at all.

    Circumstances in our very births meant that this would be something I have to face eventually... the passing of time. It shouldn't be SO bad, since I am half human at least, and not bound to age TOO drastically different from how she will... but circumstances SINCE my birth seem to want to dictate otherwise.

    I've heard parables about letting a caged bird free if you wish to truly show it love, or something of the sort... but I can't be bothered to even hunt down the correct phrasing on it. Because I don't want that to be the case...

    Does that make me selfish?
    I have no such plans to leave her, or let her go.
    Her words in the letter leave me hope, especially the "All and forever, yours." Is it so wrong to cling to that?

    Mielikki's Mercy... what do I do?_


  • Jerrick smiles, reading over his last entry, and rubs a sword-calloused hand over his neck remembering the feeling. It's hard to feel more helpless than you do swinging from a tree like that… especially -that- tree.

    Note to self… He scrawls.

    Show the tree to a certain someone, and remind him that some people are willing to sacrifice themselves before those around them.

    Seeming ill at ease for just a moment, he returns to the peace he had found just hours before. Thoughts of the certain someone that make him almost regret being "good" vanish like a momrning fog meeting the noonday sun, and he looks down at the still napping figure nearby, a feeling of gratefulness washing over him.

    With his family here, he would never be alone, and being able to really, truly appreciate that, was something he was grateful to take a break for, and think about his life.

    He set the quill to the parchment once more, pausing for a moment before writing, trying to put feelings into words for the second time that day and night, hoping that the book would prove easier to talk to.

    _Changes are here yet again.

    Personal, and otherwise, change has come in many great and terrible ways, and yet again we all sit together often, like there is a great axe above our heads, yet too defiant to move out from under it.

    One thing I cannot help but notice of late… in the influx we have had.
    We are at what, three, four, five new Druids to the land?
    Mielikki's own flock here, as do those of Silvanus, and even Auril.

    I find myself more and more trying to catch people up in regards to the plights of this land, and find myself truly needed, it seems. I'm finding my role as an Elder... satisfying. Fulfilling. Busy!

    My own apprentice looks older than I now... I may need to speak to the Queen about that... and i get more questioning looks about my age. If people remember that Kara's age did much the same, I may be regarded with sus...okay, well, more suspicion. I know there are those that don't trust me out there, and that's certainly their right.

    I'm not the most forthright of people, but their mistake is in the "Why". I don't feel I have anything to hide, rather I tend to shut my mouth so as not to get myself into trouble with it. Just like my apprentice... heh. He's grown into a fine young man, and will be a father soon.

    He considers himself a success thus far due mostly to my teachings, and I have seldom felt so proud. He is a man of values, integrity, and passion, and I look forward to seeing what he does with his life.

    Belia has returned as well, thankfully. It's strange, the circle having been without her for some time now, I am unsure of how everybody gets along just yet. I'm hoping we don't start crowding one another into disagreements! So many of us are fairly strong willed.... time will tell!

    I got to share with somebody today, and let a lot off of my chest.
    She and I share a feeling on a subject much like one another, and it's been a boon to have her strength to aid me, even in my moments of weakness and foolishness. She's much like Kaetlyn in that regard, content to listen, and not judging.

    I've tried to find word of Kaetlyn, but there is none...
    I know how she must have felt all the times I was away, and it breaks me to think of me putting her through pain like that. I hope she is well. I hope she is safe. I hope Shaundakul watches over her now more than ever.

    Shaundakul, I know you like to read her words. I hope you're seeing mine, and bring to her my thanks, as I remember her smile, her touch, her words.

    The work of a Druid is never done, it seems. Today I rise again with the dawn, and see what else there is to be seen._


  • _Today it comes to me, as I sit praying at the circle stone for guidance. For memory. For some hint of memory from what was done, regarding what needs to be done once more.

    Not the answer, of course.
    No, the answer coming to me like that would be too easy.
    No, instead another question.

    What is it going to feel like?
    Will I be able to enjoy the breeze, or the creak of the branches above and around me as I swing? And even if I do… will I live to tell about it?

    Malika took a great risk for us.
    I respect that. I even admire it.
    She is a better person than I.

    While yes, I would have done this as well, and still plan to, I suspect my thoughts will be more filled with my personal role in all of it.
    Ego? Habit? I know not.

    I wish to become closer to the things around me, more sensitive to the faint stirrings of the eddies and currents that make up the balance as we know it. I wish to always know the world as I do when I walk on four paws, and can tip my nose into the breeze even as the soft fur between my toes parts to let even blades of grass stay unbent, so that my tracks may remain unseen.

    I want to test my faith for my own reasons just as much as I want to be able to help as Malika has.

    I fear I will not be up to the task.

    Despite seeing Mielikki's face many times, being brought back to life by her, or kept from death in the first place, still I worry that it is not enough, what I do in this life.

    I guess faith is going forward believing even though you have your doubts, after all. I go soon._


  • _It's been some time since I could stop for a moment and write.
    That, and each time I try to start and write, I find myself completely unable. Also… being in a shape with paws doesn't really help with the whole writing thing... I've tried.

    I got to see Kaetlyn again, which was a treat.
    She seemed to hold no grudge against me for constantly being busy or gone, but I feel like an asshole for not being there for her often.
    We operate in different places, at different times, and often in different circles, but I live for the next time I see her.

    Speaking of living, there's been a lot of the opposite of late, but not for me. Fights at the gate against forces of the Hungry One... people fall often. If it's not the Hungry One it's something else it seeems.
    If not that, then during a peaceful, if not strained Druid meeting... we find that the Hive Queen Abby was spidernapped, and had to mount a rescue mission. It took two stages, a diversion from Dwin and his redcloaks to the Lost City , while the group of us at the meeting infiltrated the inner part and rescued Abby.

    We made it out without any losses, and all the fallen redcloaks in the costly diversionary battle were able to be recovered and thankfully brought back. It seems the Gods favor our efforts, but will it be enough?

    I stayed three days and nights below a tree.
    Or was it that long? My senses and mind cannot agree.
    It was dark everywhere, but I was able to see well enough, kept company only by a nymph, and the creaking of the rope above me. That sound was punctuated with the occasional gasping, choking noise and murmered prayer.

    I kept my vigil, stood guard, and howled defiance to the fates and support for my friend who gambled life for faith, and was proven worthy.

    Now... I know more about what needs to be done, and sit before our circlestone to pray. I will remain here until I can remember what needs to be remembered about the ritual, until it is my turn too.

    I wonder what dreams will come nestled in the swaying grip of the Great Tree?_


  • _I took another walk.

    Now, when I say walk, I need to remind myself what that means. I've found that I've got Wanderlust in a bad way sometimes… and that when I start walking, it's like I'm not even choosing my own path. I just plain... go.

    I went again, and walked most of the way to N'jast again, walking a path full of memories, choices, regret, and loss. I was on such a walk when I came across N'jast before... only to find that they were preparing for war. Wondering what our neighbors were preparing to go against, I entered the city as Druids do, and saw there was to see.

    It was there that I found that their general was Kara... and that my life had taken another abrupt change. One that caught me quite unawares and off-guard.

    So I walked that path again, to see what memories might show themselves again, so that I could deal with them here, instead of having them show up while I'm otherwise busy with the rest of my life, and get them out of my mind while I'm away from home and free to think.

    They didn't come.

    Of course, I thought about it some, but the thoughts passed as I watched a hawk wing high above in the sky, and I felt like I was in the hawk's place when I saw it plummet from the clouds towards it's prey. The rush of the wind, the screaming sound it makes as I rush past it, the pull of the earth as I angle up just enough not to hit the ground... and the Hawk does angle up, it's next meal in it's claws. My eyes follow it as it climbs, and fall upon a clearing I hadn't noticed before, just through some trees.

    It called to me. Not enough to draw me in... more like letting me know it was there. Druidic intuition.. or memory speaking to me? Thinking back, I know it to be both.

    I walked towards the clearing, noting the brilliantly colored butterflies fluttering about, and the strange plants that wove themselves between two trees, almost making an arch of sorts. The sunlight itself seemed to sing here, the wind whispered pleasantries and how-do-you-do's, the grass pushed me towards it, the pressure of one blade at a time. Yes, I know what this was.

    This, was a Trod.

    I've been to Avalon many times. I've been a part of a very big thing that happened in Avalon, and changed it in an equally big way. Being friends with the royal courts of the Sidhe isn't something to take lightly, but I welcome it with open arms. I trust them as much as any mortal could trust the fey, if not more than most. I have my reasons, and little qualms with any of them, and what better place for a relaxing walk, than the haunting roads of Avalon?

    I'll write the details of the walk later, and get to the important part... I'm back. And it's been a long, long time in the mortal realm since I left. Time moves differently here, and not always in the same direction, relative to our land's time. I could have ended up in the past, honestly, so I'm lucky this was all that happened. Years. About three? I'm not sure of what year it was when I left, but I know a long time has passed, despite knowing I only spent about three weeks in Avalon.

    Guess it's time to make a few apologies, and see what I've missed.
    I hope Kaetlyn will forgive me._


  • _Dammit.

    I have this habit of speaking my mind, and I hate beating around that proverbial bush, so I don't. Are people really so weak-willed and afraid of criticism that they'll leave the ranks of an organization that they're trying to join… a military organization, because somebody told them the truth?

    Recent trips east have proved interesting. One failed trip went badly with the arrival of somebody new, some halforc or another, who rushed ahead to kill the little demons, Quasits, making all kinds of noise and being ridiculous and laughing at his kills. Way to get the attention of demons, big ones, jackass.

    I immediately turned around and left, after my order not to fire until all were ready was ignored, and a mage was targeted intead of one of us, or the beast being taken down before it had a chance to respond. She fell unconcious to the ground, and if not for healing, she would have likely died. My fault for bringing people I don't fully know to such a dangerous place? Or their fault for lying to me about being able to follow orders?

    Sometimes I just don't know.

    We went back later, a few of us, after I told a little history of what I knew about the region, and the happenings that led to the way it is now. They seemed interested, Danika and Chasen especially. Chasen later mentioned something new, prompting us to take another trip.
    Apparently, the Gods or a God in general is fond of leaving a white rose in places that are seldom gone to, places where only the brave venture, and we went in search of one.

    Past Jiyyd, past the forest behind it, and into Ormpur, where the restless dead of soldiers past roam, haunt, and hunger for the death of the living. There we found a place I had never noticed before, and a struggling rose-bush, that looked to be having a very hard time surviving where it was. I aided in the removal of a single white rose from it, the stem cut properly so it could easily grow again, and I trimmed the rest of the bush in a similar fashion, to promote better growth all around.

    I felt the need to see this rosebush survive, stronger, a symbol of hope for any that come this way in the future, and blessed it with Mielikki's mercy, and added some magic from the glen into the soil itself, as well. I will be back to check on it soon, and I hope to see improvement.

    It's things like that, existing where nobody can see them unless they search, existing despite the harshness of the world and all in it, that gives me hope sometimes.

    Kaetlyn reminds me of that rose. She's a safe place I can go to, surviving in a world that seems to harsh for an existence that seems so out of place for someone so kind and caring. I hope I help her like I helped the rose, to grow and be healthy and happy in her life. I don't want what happened before, to happen again. Any of the things..._


  • _I've been back a few days now, once again. Settled back into my routine of falling asleep next to Kaetlyn, waking up and running with Fayt, clearing the goblins from the woods, and visiting old friends, and making new ones while I'm at it.

    A little cave-clearing after meeting up with Telli, Theaon, and some others was a bit of fun to an otherwise quiet day about a week ago, but last night was a bit of a worry. Sorry, IS a bit of a worry.

    Apparently, a Drow walked into a ceremony in Norwick where Kresha was taking over command of the guard handed down by Mord and gave warning to the assembled Norwickians and other folk.

    The Drow said he owed a favor to the topworlders, due to one that has saved his life many years ago. The Archdruidess, Aspen. This was all before my time, and yet again, I find myself wishing that I was born earlier, so that I might have met some of these people I keep hearing about.

    Wishing aside, I heard about this the day after, and I happened across Benji, and Caelian outside the south gate on the way to my house. They were talking about inventions, with a dead goblin assassin at their feet, as if nothing had happened. Granted, a dead goblin is nothing to get worked up about, as nearly NO lone goblin is… but that's the rub. Since when did gobs work alone?

    I chastised the two and checked for tracks, and sure enough, the tracks up goblins led to the gate and back, as if they'd been checking on it. I saw a scout trying to get a good look at us, and gave him and his two pals a close up of a couple of arrows.

    We moved in after I put a couple of blessings of Mielikki on them, and found Elites, Assasins, more scouts, some Soldier-Types, and a couple spellcasters over there, waiting in Ambush.

    I was first to the group, and leaped in with a howl, followed by a couple hundred pounds of fur, teeth, and mean. Fayt was snarling as he tossed a couple goblin bodies straight up into the air... there was no mistaking it now. This was an ambush, the signs were all over the area they were in, and they had clearly not expected to be attacked here, but rather to be the attackers.

    So much for plans. We laid them to waste, and they had no reinforcements, giving us time to head back inside the gate to the fire, and relax before sunset. That's when I heard about the Drow from Caelian. It was a good thing I asked about the bad news first, too, because just after he told me, I could have SWORN I got a glimpse of something through the slats of the gate.

    I got up to check, and sure enough upon opening them, I saw a Drow melt into the darkness.

    The rest of this was nearly a blur til the end. We hit traps, he tried choking powder which thankfully doesn't bother me, we used it too, and I even got to pincushion him a bit with arrows. I just wish I had gotten close enough to actually HIT him.

    Benji nearly got him for us with a perfect leg shot, but he used what could only have been a potion of haste.. and escaped. Damnitall we were very close to getting him, but now they know we're waiting for them, and that their element of surprise is gone.

    At least us three survived to tell about it. I've already posted letters to the various groups I know, and have told the others to do the same. Hopefully folk with have the good sense to stay near each other at night and out of the woods for now, perhaps even post signs to warn the less attentive at hearing.

    At any rate, it seems another war is brewing, right under our noses. Now we've got The Hungry One, Ostromog, and then Drow to deal with. Personally... I hope they all kill each other.

    Time to go find Kaetlyn, I need her to keep being that small island of sanity in this mess of events I call life. Gods do I love that woman..._


  • _Things that move quickly have always fascinated me.
    Squirrels, even when climbing completely vertically, are ridiculously fast.
    The diving of a hawk. The rushing of a swollen stream. An arrow in flight.
    Thoughts.

    I'll be damned if I can't keep pace with my own thoughts these days. Well, I shouldn't say thoughts really, so much as feelings. Soaring like that hawk, bouncing around like a squirrel gone mad, and plunging into a mad-seeming rage when I or a loved one is in danger seems to come from within me faster that Bolts from Benji's crossbow. . . and HE, is fast.

    Hells, I've even been shot by th… okay, this isn't what I intended to write about. Why do I write? Oh yeah. I want to remember.
    Does that mean I write because I expect to forget? I seldom do, if ever, and some of the things I write about.. like her, can't be forgotten.

    Then again, I've experienced a memory being torn from me (At my own request as payment though) and the pain of not being able to recall it, so perhaps it's best that I record as I do.

    At any rate, on to business at hand.

    Spiders, driders, and hooked horrors abound.
    Talk of illithids and deep gnomes peppers the conversation in the commons, be it Norwick or Peltarch, and none of it too pleased except by those that think havoc in the towns fun or entertaining.

    It's funny, speaking of entertaining. I sat in thought for a while after lst meeting up unexpectedly with her, Kaetlyn. I was attacked by those underdark critters while alone. I was at the crossroads, for crying out loud, and that annoying displaced-air-portal-summoning sound rushed at me, so I drew blade and turned, swinging my shield out from under my cloak as well.

    Sure enough, spiders.

    Thank Mielikki for the gift to move freely in their webs, as it helps not to get surrounded too easily, but damnitall if some of the web doesn't manage to hit my skin and paralyze me anyhow when it clings sometimes.

    I was doing fine when she showed up, except that I can't stand to put her through fighting spiders. or Driders. Or those gods-be-damned screaming menaces, "Whatever horrors" or somesuch. GODS those are wretched beings.

    The hooked horror that showed up was almost a relief to me, despite the threat it posed to my health, knowing that her attention would be away from spiders. Her comfort isn't worth MORE than my life... but I'm not at all adverse to making her more comfortable at considerable threat to myself. Besides... if the treat becomes too big, I ask her politely to run (Scream it, heh) and turn tail myself, covering her escape.

    Speaking of escape, I sleep easier at night, now.

    I know she has a safe place out of the rain, the wind, the cold, and the summoned spiders, and all I need to do now is to peek over to where she sleeps peacefully on a cushion with a book in her lap from my desk, to know it.

    Like the poetic musings of a bard she holds the key to my heart already, so it's a small thing to give her a key to my home in comparison, but she seems to treat it like much more.

    I can get used to this._


  • _Notes to self.
    -Buy more ink.
    -Don't get ahead of yourself.
    -Make sure what you said didn't scare her off.

    I've been thinking for days on what I told her, and I keep getting this sick feeling in my stomach. Worry? Excitement? Gods it's hard to tell.
    I will find out soon, I hope, but you know, you never can tell until you ask. Seeing as how it's been a few days since I've gotten to see her smiling face, that's a few days that even my own cooking hasn't sat right with me, as if my stomach is being churned by my mind, like there's some hidden crank in there that is connected.

    I need to gather the Wolves, and take who I can out and about. Things are hectic as usual, and most of my time has gone to the Legion lately, so I need to disperse it more evenly.

    Calen seems to be doing well for himself, and has been on my mind a lot lately. Senatorship fits him well, though I fear his compassion may let him be taken advantage of, even by people I don't consider bad people, but that they might have things to gain that could jeopardize him. His faith is strong, but how to direct it seems to be a problem for him to figure out, and as much as I have been a mentor for him over the years, there are some things that I can not aid him with, other than a rudimentary knowledge of how things are supposed to work. That's simply not enough to base one's decisions off of.

    Vash't is next on my mind, with Caeliean. Caelian has recently returned, and grown in skill. I had to knock both of them about some to teach them what they're up against in bad situations, and they nearly beat me without my armor on. I like what I'm seeing, and I think it helped them to understand a bit more about, not only tactics, but themselves, and how they relate to others in the world. Strengths, weaknesses, and their place in a fight. All important lessons. That and well… it's kinda fun to beat up on your teacher.

    I haven't seen Sera in a while, and Fayt seems to look about for her while we're in Norwick. Glutton wants treats, naturally, and of course the attention she lavishes on him. Hells, it makes me want to wildshape and sit at her feet to be brushed for hours. She's kind, patient, and has a true healers touch, despite downplaying it like she does.

    I want to have a talk with her about the difference between humility and knowing one's own skill accurately. I daresay she's nearly as good at healing as I am, if not better. It's high time she knew.

    Merenna I haven't seen in a while, so she seems to be no longer chasing after me. I love music, so bards are always good company, but that one came on a little strong, and at the wrong time, heh. My heart was already elsewhere, so I hope I didn't make the poor girl feel rejected.

    Rando, is an interesting one. Not someone whose bad side I want to be on. Granted, I won't be doing anything to piss him off, but based on the display against some halforcs I got to hear about, well, I don't want anybody else turning him against me either. He doesn't seem to need much of a reason, really.

    Rhistin. The marker outside my home marks where I laid you to rest, and I hope you find peace wherever your new journey takes you. Or adventure, if that's your wish. We all have our time, and while I didn't expect yours to be so soon, I'm confident that you felt it was time, and am glad for you. Hunt well, and we'll keep this place together for ya.

    I'm not sure why so many people have been running about my head lately, but I felt that if I finally put down some of my thoughts on them, I could sort them with the closing of this book, and make room for fresh thoughts.

    Guess I'll close this book for now, and get started on that. The sun's almost up, and the fire's almost out. Out of thoughts, fuel, and reasons to sit on my arse I guess. As much as I love this bluff overlooking Jiyyd, the risk of stray fireballs makes me want to put this away now that I think of it. Time to see what a new day holds._


  • _Finally we spoke.
    We spoke of what we wanted, what we thought possible, and what we would do if given the chance.

    She told me something that I had to think about, because it shocked me so, for a moment.

    Even if just for a day, even if that was all the time we could spend together, she would want to spend it with me, was the gist of it. I can't even properly remember the words now, as I've been wary to write them. I almost feel like if I write them I'd be making myself more of a promise than she made, and hers is the one that matters, so I don't want to cheapen that in any way.

    I can hardly find the mind to write, so I'll just make a note, in case anyone finds this in an unfortunate manner, that powerful underdark creatures are being somehow teleported to the surface, right where groups of us are. So far I've fought at least seven driders from multiple attacks, not to mention countless large silk spiders, a couple quaggoths, hooked horrors, and other such underdark nasties.

    It's funny though. The only worry I have is that it's going to happen near Kaetlyn… with spiders.

    We'll deal with the threats as they come, even if I have to fight a Drider hand to hand, but I don't want to put her through seeing anything with more than four legs.

    It's time I got back to work. These other reports won't write themselves..._


  • _For the first time in what seems to be a long time… and actually is a long time now that i think about it... I went to the gypsy camp.

    Granted, I did not go along. No, it doesn't have the feel of the place it once was any longer... and as such, I don't enjoy the time I spend there as much as I once did. I have not since the rom moved on. It's no longer the gygpsy camp in my eyes, but now the Hoaran camp, and the hospitable wariness of the gypsies has long since been replaced by a paranoid feeling of unwelcomeness while I am there.

    I found myself there again, walking through the dense carpet of fallen leaves and soft soil, watching the animals cavort past, just out of reach, and listened to the sounds of the woods. It seems they are slightly quieter now... or maybe it's just the lack of whispering on the wind. I couldn't hear it anymore.

    We walked, she and I. She led, and I followed, and we even made a wrong turn, confronting her fear unexpectedly.

    I did my best to reduce the threats to the correct number of legs, which cutting in half seems to do nicely. Four on each side seemed acceptable, after all.

    We turned back, her barely suppressing a shudder, and we found what she was looking for, then. A small, quiet, slightly sequestered glade against a tall cliff face, complete with it's own small peaceful pond made a perfect place for conversation. Boots off, feet in the water, contemplating what was, what is, and what could be.

    It was so relaxing, even when it rained.

    Perfect for naps.

    She talks a little as she drifts off to sleep, and I'm not sure if she knows she does it. Her sleep-speech is quiet, and monosyllabic, but clear.
    "Like you" .

    It sounded like a piece of an unspoken sentence, so I asked. "Like me to what?" figuring she had asked me to do something.

    She replied with something along the lines of "here", and I found myself unable to keep from grinning like a loon, with all the grass, trees, and stars as witnesses. I imagine someone looking down on the scene chuckling at my silly expression, that of a pup with a treat.

    We curled up together, and shared some time for dreams.

    Waking however, is what I remember most.

    I remember waking up previously, to something pleasant. Someone nearby at a cookfire making breakfast, or waking up after a hard battle to realize why you slept, and be that much more grateful that you're awake.

    This was unlike those times, when I awoke to her brushing hair from my face. It was all at once, calming, exciting, serene, and the feeling of the hair on your neck standing pleasantly on end as if from a cool breeze on a warm day.

    If I were the hopelessly romantic type, I would say something about wishing every wake was like that.

    A couple of scratched out lines here, and then:

    Perhaps I am, after all._


  • _It seems another one of my apprentices has returned.

    Upon his return, we also had a trip scheduled to go to Dun Tharos to get a bow that Selune wanted back from a Sharran, and asked it of Ael. It seems that was his chance at redemption, from the trials he went through lately involving a deal with a devil to save his wife, and enduring six months of torture in the hells.

    I can barely fathom such a thing, and respect my friend even more for coming back from that and not falling into despair, or giving up. Rather than that, he sought favor again, and still did his usual protecting his friends.

    I won't say it was easy. There were simple snakes and rats along teh way that took an entire team of us to subdue and destroy. Perversions of nature and animals so sickly it hurt to look at them assailed us, alongside Talona's blightlords, mages, and abominations of every shape and size.

    A Bullette escaped them, and was thankfully calmed by Belia with the aid of a hold spell from somebody, and led off to safety, on the way there, so that was a nice respite from the blood and the gore and the killing.

    As much as the diseased and disfigured animals needed to be put out of their misery, I hated doing so. I don't mind hunting, but having to fight these things saddens me for what befell them. I just don't like it, and for good reason. . . Then again, perhaps sadden isn't the right word.

    It makes me want to feel blood rush across my chin from my teeth tearing out the throats of those responsible. And not cleanly, either.
    Sometimes I get so furious, feel so much rage in my heart that it worries me, and I need to spend some time in quiet contemplation of life itself, and Mielikki's comforting presence.

    I've been having to do that a lot lately.

    The page here marks a difference in the color of the ink, showing that Jerrick stopped writing for a while, and picked back up later.

    _Now that I'm back on heroes bluff, I can listen to the wind whistle through the statues, and be alone with my thoughts and feelings. Alone except for the smell of rose and lemon, which comforts me anyhow.

    Where was I… oh yes. Dun Tharos. We got there, and found our Sharran, but not a fight. We got the bow, and the Sharran held back some might power from attacking us, but something was not right.

    Aelthas could not in good conscience leave her behind, and for good reason. He reasoned that all get a chance at redemption, and she was no exception. Despite her anger at us returning, supposedly dooming her, she didn't attack us. Instead, she told us that she wouldn't go while that dragon was still around.

    Yes, there was a dragon. A big, mean, green one.

    Now a big green Dead one.

    We went back down to check on her, and found her to be gone, of course. But the seed has been planted, and perhaps her freedom from whatever seemed to be holding there may be the root that grows into her redemption. And maybe not. It's surely not for minds like mine to know.

    Caelian fell on the way back.
    It's ridiculous, to survive a dragon attack, and fall to the tentacled manipulations of a succubus. He however, did not lose heart. He returned with the help of Tristina, and spoke to me for a while about his plans, and his thoughts on it all.

    Frankly, I'm proud of him. Hells, the succubus ensnared me too, but I'm used to taking a hell of a beating.

    She made it through all of these things too. We shared the touch of a hand here, a glance there, and constant checking on one another throughout the fight, and in the back of my mind, it was as much of a comfort as it was a worry for her safety.

    I know she can handle herself in a fight, and heal herself or others, but still, I naturally have concern, and reason for it. Right?

    Sitting in the grapevine with her and Caelian was a pleasant way to end the day, as we stayed up til morning to talk, even after Caelian left. She brushed my hair for what must have been an hour, and we parted reluctantly for her to join Dirk and some others on another adventure someplace.

    I would have gone... but even I need sleep once in a while. Demons, Devils, Talona and her machinations, Dragons and all of Dun Tharos even... can wait.

    A note follows, written bold and underlined - obviously important.

    CLEANSE THE OLD CIRCLESTONE.__