3. Marie's Diary - Notes of a travelling hin

Marie's Diary - Notes of a travelling hin


  • The Fifteenth of Uktar, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    I've had enough of Linn and her self centred ways. Today, she stalked me whilst invisible, and whispered lies about me to some new people I'd met, saying that I hated their kind, that I wished them ill. I managed to sort the situation out, but it ended the day on a sour note.

    I don't care what kind of justification she wants to use for her actions. Yes, she was tortured by Oscura for a crime she was convicted of. Yes, what they did was horrific. But that doesn't excuse going on a personal crusade to destroy an entire city.

    Yes, she has said, directly, that she wants to blow up Oscura, to kill everyone in it. She wants her revenge, and doesn't care who she has to hurt to get it. Nevermind that there are many, many innocents there. They have to die to make her feel better.

    The men I was with, they were Oscuran Nobles. Young though, less than thirty. They hadn't inherited yet either, from what I could tell. From the look of them, they hadn't been above ground much, and they certainly weren't polished in terms of their skills. They were polite though, and courteous. Vladimir Kursk, of the Northern Bear Alliance, and Louis Du Lorraine… not sure about which business his family owns. Vlad even told me that should I ever need anything, to let the Northern Bear Alliance know, and he would do his best to help.

    Marty said that Linn is hurting, that she needs people to show her mercy, to be kind to her. Well, I've tried to do that. I've tried to be her friend, even after she was cruel to me. Today was the end of my tether.

    I attended her trial, when even she didn't. I visited her in prison. I stood by her during the punishment. And her thanks for me was non-existent. She couldn't even say congratulations when I told her that Raul and I were to be wed.

    I don't wish her ill, but at the same time, I have no interest in being around her until she stops being so bitter. All she does is suck the fun out of where-ever she is, or cause trouble. And I don't need either of those things darkening my horizon.

    I'm all for redemption, and for giving people a chance to prove themselves. All she has proven to me lately is how small minded she really is, that she cannot see beyond her own pain to realise what she is doing with her actions. All she has shown me is how self-centred she is, that she doesn't care what happens to others, as long as she gets her way.

    She's being nothing more than a petulant child.


  • The Nineteenth of Eleint, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Sunny

    I've been staying in town since my last entry, unless I have friends with me. I don't feel confident enough in myself to risk going out alone. I remember when I used to feel like this, many years ago. A fresh faced traveller, I wanted to see everything, but I knew that alone I would be eaten alive.

    I'm a lot stronger than I was then, but I'm not as strong as I should be. Perhaps more than that though, I actually have something to live for now, and I've scared myself with what it would mean to lose it.

    I've also gone over some of my older diary entries, to see how I felt before, what things were important to me, and so on. There's some glaring inconsistencies in there, a lot of swinging backwards and forwards. I still have work to do, for my own peace of mind. I need to find a baseline, and work forward from there.

    Some times, I've been melancholy, depressed by what's happening around me. Other times, I've been ecstatically happy with little reason that I can work out. My emotions seem to go up and down.

    Alexi would tell me that that's what being young is about. Foolishness, in some parts. In others, simply a lack of experience. As I get older now, and more experienced, I think I'm beginning to learn discernment, to see the truth in things. The hardest part of that is seeing the truth in yourself.

    One thing I did notice though, is that my heart seems to go its own way. Especially seeing what's happening at the moment.

    If I look at how I've interacted with the different men in my life, I can see some kind of common pattern. Alexi I fell in love with because of his kindness, and his playfulness. I would have married him, if he had been available and felt the same way. I'm still not sure that he does, or that he ever did. He cares for me deeply, as kin. But that romantic love, that eros that the scholars speak of, I don't think he felt it.

    Terren is a funny one. At first, I thought his interest in me was something of a curiosity. He had lost Anju to the fates, and he and I were good friends. I have qualities that he values in a wife, and he, like Alexi, is playful. After everything that I've been through though, I know that as much as I care for him, we couldn't be together, simply because I want children, and he could never give them to me.

    And now, Raul. We only got together because of Adelie and Linn, but he's liked me ever since he first saw me, all those years ago. I wish I'd known sooner, I would have given him a chance. It's probably for the best that I didn't though, as the troubles I've lived through have better prepared me for him.

    He's a hin, like me. Kind, and gentle, to me at least. Dedicated to his work. Playful, and shy. Somewhat secretive, about some things at least. I don't think he's hiding things from me, but there is always things that stay unsaid. I always told the whole truth to Alexi, there was not a single secret between us. Perhaps, in retrospect, that was where I went wrong.

    Now that I've been through all this, I can honestly say that you can love different men in different ways, and that it in no way reduces the importance of that love. I love Alexi, but I love Terren, and Raul as well. Just in different ways. Alexi is the man that I can never have, but one that I know will always care for me. Terren is the man that maybe if things were different, I could have been with.

    Raul is the one that I will spend my life with, for as long as we have together. I love him, for who he is, and for what he means to me. A chance at a normal life, a chance at love, and a family. To be a person apart from my father, and all the hate that remains there.

    I want to take his name as mine, but he won't tell me what it is, or if he even has one. Heh, I guess that's who he is. Always playful, always an angle to work with. I know he'll keep me on my toes. I also know that Brandobaris would approve of him.

    A man to share my road with.


  • The Seventh of Eleint, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Well, I'll put this one down to my own stupidity. Died again, thought I was tougher than I really am. Didn't retreat when I should have. Guess I've learnt my lesson from that one.

    Anor and Marty brought me back, I think it's going to take me quite a while to shake this feeling of weariness. Raul will be upset, I know it. Got to be more careful, take the time to think more about things.

    Good news though, I got the silver shortsword for the enchantment. I was in Norwick, having helped defend the town against an attack by the Hungry One. Master Z was there, so I asked him about the sword for Raul, as well as Terrens sword, and a set of gloves to be enchanted for myself. Turns out that Maythor left behind the silver swords I was after, without even knowing that I wanted them.

    Paid a fair price for them too, much fairer than what some folks would have expected from the Union.

    I spent some time with Marty, helped her get some hides to make into tents, for when the refugees come. If it's not this time, it will be another time, so they won't go to waste.

    For now, I'm waiting in the Farscout office, hoping to see Raul soon. They told me he's out on patrol again, scouting out the woods. He's always out there, looking for enemies. He does a good job, but I do hope he'll be home more often once we're married.

    My thoughts are a little disorganised, I'll try to focus more later. For now though, I need to take a nap, and wait for him.

    He'll be here soon, I know it.


  • The Twentyninth of Eleasis, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    The last few days have been very eventful. One sad event, and one very happy one.

    Raul and I are to be wed.

    I should start at the start though.

    I was up in the Giantspires, training with the Winterwolves. I had just run in to a group of three winterwolves, and a worg, when I lost consciousness. I don't know how, or why, or what happened, but when I came to, it was to find that they had chomped on me good and proper. I tried to turn and run, tried to drink an invisibility potion, but thw worg got in a lucky hit, and I passed out for good, bleeding out on the ground.

    I don't remember what happened in the fugue, but I do know that when I woke up, I was in the Temple of the Triad. Wog had found me, and brought me back. He was his cheery self, as always, gave me back my things with a smile, and went on his way.

    I feel… diminished, weaker. I know that I can train and recover what I've lost, but that takes time, and energy. It's depressing. And yet this time, I know I was desperate to come back. I'm not alone anymore, and I don't want to leave him behind.

    I spent some time in reflection, in the city. I didn't want to go out alone again, I know that I'd have done something rash, and possibly died again. Instead, I waited for Raul.

    I didn't have to wait long.

    I found him in the commons, after I had a nap. He was sitting with Chasen, Terren, and Alicia. Wog came after a while, too. Alicia wanted to see some more of the realm, so they were working out where to go next.

    Whilst they were talking about that, I asked Terren about getting a sword enchanted for Raul... which shocked my honey. He hadn't expected it. Told Terren I'd spend twenty thousand on it. For that kind of coin, I know I'll be getting the best sword that money can buy.

    I told Raul what happened to me, in the wolves. He got really upset about it, so much so that he went off and kicked the stone wall, as hard as he could. Poor dear, I think he broke something he kicked it so hard. A healing potion later though, and he was okay. I think it was his reaction that finally sealed it for me.

    The ettins was the final decision, so we headed out to the Underdark. Seems like I haven't lost my touch, thank goodness. My aim is a little off, and it's harder to sneak around at the moment, but I know it'll come back with time.

    We killed all the ettins we could find, and at the end of it, we found a cave to rest in. There, Raul and I sat and cuddled, and talked, and played. He finally told me that he loved me, there, surrounded by cold stone walls, a campfire burning quietly in front of us.

    As we walked out, hand in hand. we talked and played some more. Finally, when we got outside, he said that he wanted to marry me, but he would need to find a ring first, one that is worthy of my beauty. He wants the sword I'm getting made for him to be in place of a wedding ring, he wants it to say "Marie" along the blade. I like the idea, I think it's an original way to do things, and I know that that blade will never leave his side. There will be times that he will need to take off a ring, for his work, but a sword is always there when you need it.

    I've never been as happy as I was right then, standing in the sunlight, holding him tight. Knowing that he loves me, and that I love him, and that everything happens for a reason.

    I don't think I'd have seen my true emotions, without the tragedy that I went through. You only know what you have, when you see how you could have lost it. I'm not going to lose him, I'm going to bind him to me, bind him to my heart and soul.

    I love you, Raul. I will be your wife.


  • The Third of Eleasis, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    I mastered that technique I was working on… I'm calling it Kiai Shout for now. A simple name for a very complex technique, but it makes it easier to explain when people ask about it, and I know they will.

    It's been an absolute boon against the tougher orcs, and the worgs. They just stand around, stunned by the ferocity of it, and I can happily wail away on them.

    I'm getting stronger again, I can feel it. Like a pool of water, it's beginning to rise up in my spirit. The spirit of water within me talks to me, guiding me, but it also tells me "not yet, not yet". As if it senses what I sense, and feels what I feel. I believe that this bond is a far greater gift than even what Master Dwarf thought it would be.

    Since he's been gone, it has been the thing that has kept me focussed, and on the right path. Always striving forwards, aiming for perfection.

    I guess it does prove the truth though, in what my father said. And yet, it also proves the wisdom in working with others. A single strand is easily torn, a cord of three strands will stay the test of time. For now, I'm going to go with the kind option, rather than the harsh one.

    It is something though, that I've reflected on lately. The dark words that are spoken by nay-sayers and pessimists, are often true, just twisted to see the worst of everything. Yes, one day the world will be covered in darkness. One day, everyone you love will be dead. And yet, that is not
    the end of it.

    It is always darkest before the dawn, and death comes to all, in time. Death though, is not a punishment, it is a release of burdens and pain, of sorrow and heartache.

    I think that there are two parts to every truth, and sometimes we can't see both at the same time. My mother saw the good, my father, the bad. Together, they could forge ahead, and yet over time she has been worn down by him.

    I try to see the whole picture, as much as I can. To dismiss something offhand because it seems ill-wrought, or evil, is to ignore the potential for good, for redemption.

    Some say that Oscura is an evil city, filled with evil people whose every desire is evil. And yet, they know nothing of the daily struggle of the normal citizen, to make ends meet, to survive. It is no different to the lives of those in Peltarch, or Norwick. They cannot control the whims of their rulers, and they often have no way out of their situation.

    I have seen more even handed judgment from their officials than I have from either Peltarch or Norwick. Sentences passed without regard for good or evil, merely law. Without favour, or preference.

    That, to me, is admirable.


  • The Twentysecond of Flamerule, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Sunny

    Things are going really well for Raul and me. We don't get to spend as much time together as I'd like, but that's kind of expected with our jobs. I think that he feels the same way that I do too… we just haven't said it yet.

    Love is a funny thing, you know. I always thought that it was all straight forward, clear cut. Concise. You either loved someone, or you didn't. But then, as I got older, I realised that there are many different kinds of love, and that even with the same type of love, that you can love people in different ways. And none of this in any way diminishes what you feel.

    I do love Raul. I can say that honestly. But, Alexi is still in my heart, in a different way though. One is the man that I will marry some day, and be with, until death do us part. The other is someone that I will never forget, and never let go of, even though I know we likely won't ever be together.

    My first love.

    And now, I have Raul. He makes me happy, makes me smile. Makes me want to dance. I feel safe with him, and I want to be with him, for as long as we have.

    There's a tinge of sadness to it for me though, because I know that short of death in combat, I will outlive him. One day he will die, and I will remain, as timeless as I am now. I haven't told him that yet, not sure when I will, or how to broach it.

    Heh, for that matter, I still don't know his family name, if he even has one. Probably should ask him that soon. We've spent a lot of time together talking about this and that, doing different things together, but some things just haven't come up.

    I haven't told him about my family, or my childhood, or for that matter, anything about Alexi, other than that he's a dear friend.

    I guess that's one of the things I love about Raul. He's not worried about the past, or the future. He lives in the here and now.

    Here and now, there's no-one else I'd rather be with.


  • The Tenth of Flamerule, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Today was an interesting day, first I've had in a little while. I got to help with the destruction of some vampires, and the capture of one of their masters servants.

    I won't go into details, suffice to say we staked two of them in their coffins, and we should be able to get some information know on one of the stronger ones, which is always handy.

    It was interesting though, to see the different reactions of people.

    Inside the house we stormed, there was a trio of prisoners. One of them died from an explosion, but we were able to save two of them. Lycka and Belma'r were determined to get the prisoners outside to safety,where others only wanted to rush ahead and confront the baddies.

    I can understand both points of view. Do you help the prisoners, and possibly allow the vampires to escape? Or do you go for the vampires, and leave the prisoners to whatever the fates have in store for them?

    If it was up to me… I'm honestly not sure what I would do. I'd love to do both, but that's not always an option. We were lucky this time, that we COULD do both. But what if, in the future, I'm in some deep, dark cave on a mission, and I find a prisoner. I can either quit my mission there and then to save the prisoner, get them out of the cave to somewhere safe, or I can leave them, and complete what I came to do.

    Do I do what is the good thing, or do I do my duty? Which is a greater duty then? Is there such a thing as a small evil to do a great good? Or is that the way to damnation? Where does compassion come into valour?

    What if my mission is to stop someone or something evil? A ceremony perhaps, that will bring suffering to many. Is it worth a life to prevent that suffering? And at what point do you draw a line in the sand, and say that this loss is not acceptable?

    It feels to me that most people will happily sacrifice someone else that they don't know, but if it was a friend they would drop everything to help them. And I'm not sure if that's the right way to do things. Even the badguys help out their friends.

    Being good is about more than self-justification. It's more than doing the right thing. It's about doing the right thing, even when it hurts. Even when it makes your life harder, and can cost you friends, relationships, even your life.

    Good is about putting the needs of others ahead of yourself.


  • The Twentyeighth of Kythorn, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    The Hungry One seems to have gone quiet. I haven't heard of any attacks in months, no signs of snow, no signs of undead in the woods. I'm beginning to worry that he's marshalling his forces for some kind of all out assault.

    No word has come to me from any of my sources about any real troubles in the realm of late either. Other than the pages, most things are quiet. The cultists haven't chased me in a long while, no pirates or slavers or renegades playing in the Misty Caves, no undead with strange messages or stranger associates.

    Maybe there's some huge shift happening, something beyond the ken of mortals. Maybe a god or goddess has stepped in, to bring peace for a time, to allow people to gather their wits, and reorganise themselves. Everyone does need a break every now and then.

    I've even found folk willing to make some nice things for me. An amulet to help me blend into my surroundings, and a ring to soften my footstops. They will help tremendously with my work, and with my survival.

    Marty's recently decided to issue some new trinkets to help the Sisters out. We're going to have to give the old ones back soon, but not before we all decide on what the new ones need to be. Apparently there's a mage who's willing to take our old goods and make us all new ones, for no cost! Of course, we need to pay the Sisterhood a holding fee, but that's only fair.

    I might end up with some nice dancing slippers, and even better gloves than I have now. I will miss my healing rod though, it's always been a handy thing to have, especially with how often I use it on others. He said that he can make gloves that help with natural healing, so I guess that's better than nothing.

    So maybe this lull in activity is really just a time for resting, recouperating, and reorganising. Afterwards, a lot of folk will be refreshed and re-energised, ready to take on anything that comes their way.

    Me? I'm trying to get in as much training as I can, while I have the time. I need to be stronger, faster. I need that edge. I have to find it. To be able to run along a knifes edge between the living and the dead, to be fast enough to slice time. To be sharp, to possess that sharpness.

    To be a weapon.


  • The Second of Kythorn, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Things are just not happening with the Sisterhood, so I've decided to put alot of work into it again, see what I can do. I don't want to be the only person making things happen, but unless I can find another like Shade then I guess I might just have to deal with it.

    I've spoken with Elidur about organising a fashion show, with dinner and dancing afterwards. Reri started planning this a long time ago, back before the plague, but it all fell by the wayside when things got bad. After that, she had to go away for a while, and now she's wandering again… I'm hoping that if I do get this up event organised, that she might come along and have some fun. I'd love to introduce her to Crux, I think the two of then would strike it off well.

    I've also been working on designs for a new dress for the Sisterhood, and maybe some new colours. The red has to stay, but I'd like to get rid of the black. It just feels so sinister. Plus, the spikes on the sleeves don't portray the image we want to make public. I've done a few mockups for the ladies to look at and think about. Some time in the future, we'll have a decision. And then we can show them off at the fashion show!

    The most expensive thing though, is thoughts of the future. What will we do if Norwick falls? We need somewhere to take our ladies in that situation, and at the moment, we have nowhere. I've started enquiries into buying a tavern in Peltarch, and adapting it for our own usage, as well as tidying it up a bit. Even if Norwick stands for a thousand years, it would be good to have some property here as well as there.

    I'll probably end up putting a lot of my own money into the inn, if we can proceed with it. The Sisterhood coffers aren't brilliant at the moment, and I have more coin than I know what to do with anyway. Better that it go to a good cause, than sit in my account and gather dust.

    I can earn it all back anyway, if I need.


  • The Fifth of Mirtul, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    Things are feeling strained a bit for me at the moment. I feel like… I'm not trusted. And it hurts.

    I've been doing a lot of work with the Order of the Watchful Repose. Lately, I've been looking into this issue of pages and locks. There's a lot I can't write down here, in case anyone ever finds it, but I can say a little.

    The pages need to be brought together, and used to seal what was broken. The undead want to use them to make the seal be permanently destroyed, and we want to close it up for good. And here's where it gets tricky.

    Lord Gallows, of Oscura, also wants the pages. He says he wants to close the seal as well, says it's for the good of Oscura, and the realm in general. Senria believes him, and is working with him to that end.

    I was working with the two of them, with the aim of removing a source of undead. And now, Ronan and Aelthas have spoken against my judgment. Both of them believe that we can't trust Senria to do what is right in this situation.

    Personally, I think they're both sore over what happened with Linn, and they're taking any chance they can get to make life hard for Senria, blaming her for what happened.

    I have to say though, Senria has been nothing but kindness to me. She has offered me whatever assistance I need, taken the time to speak with me when I've asked it, given me what information she could. On the flipside, Ronan and Aelthas seem determined to ignore me when they can, insult me and my honour, and undermine what I do and say. They don't even share information unless they absolutely have to.

    I handed the issue with the pages over to them to handle, seeing they don't want to let me do things my way, the way that was getting results. They want to bypass Senria, and deal directly with Gallows. Gallows can't be trusted, but Senria can. She would kill him, before she would allow him to harm Oscura. And she would act with honour, not out of greed, like he would.

    Sometimes, I wonder why I bother.


  • The Eighteenth of Tarsakh, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Asides from my patrols, spending time with Raul, and working with the ladies, I've had a fair bit of time to myself. So, I decided to see if I can master a technique I only ever read about, and even that idea came from a random event.

    I was in Oscura, talking with Yuki when I heard someone toot a horn that made such a loud blast it hurt the ears. Turning around, I saw what they called a "Horn of Blasting". It has some magic in it that allows the user to once per day to make a loud blast of sound that can stun people, as well as hurting them.

    It reminded me very much of an ancient technique I read about in the libraries of my old Monastery, ten years ago.

    In times gone by, there was a Master of the Hin Fist whose name is lost to the pages of history. He was a wise hin, and his ki was strong. His aim was to perfect his skill, and to this end he travelled the realms, challenging all Masters that he met, and learning whatever they were willing to teach him. Over time, he became more than just a Master of the Hin Fist, rather, he became a Master of all forms.

    But, one day when he was travelling through a cold realm in the north of the world, he heard tell of a Master who had taken solitude on top of a frozen mountain. When the wind howled down its slopes, his voice could be heard as he went through the forms. And perhaps, most peculiarly of all, there was a rumour that if the Master should desire it, he could cause an avalanche merely with his voice.

    Intrigued the Hin Fist Master made his way up the mountain, enduring howling winds, freezing snow, and treacherous hand holds. And part of the rumours seemed true, he could hear the voice of the Master as he went through his forms.

    Eventually, he reached the summit, after a sold day's climbing. And there, he saw a flattened area no larger than a sparring ring. In the middle of it was a human man, wearing tattered robes. His hair was wild, his eyes gleamed silver, and his hands and feet were bare.

    Recognising this to be the one he sought, the Hin Fist Master bowed to him, and asked if they might spar, to test one another. The human Master nodded, and took his stance, bowing to his opponent.

    It is said that the sounds of their duel could be heard in the villages all around the foothills of the mountain, blow after blow dodged and parried, side stepped, and ocassionally taken on the chest.

    Finally though, the human Master stepped back, thrust both his hands forward, and shouted.

    KIAAAAI!

    The Hin Fist Master was stunned by the ferocity of his opponent's cry. The snow was blasted off the mountaintop where they fought, and on all sides of the mountain, the ice broke and tumbled down the slope.

    Defeated, the Hin Fist Master bowed to his opponent, then asked to be taught this most powerful technique.

    It was not recorded if the Hin Fist Master ever learnt this technique, but it does say that he went on his way after a month on the mountaintop, and that he retired from his wandering, satisfied with his ability.

    With this story in mind, I bought myself several of these horns, and went to the foothills to the west of Peltarch to test them, and to learn what I could. It seems that the horn is a focus for magic, but I believe that with practice, I may be able to replicate this ability through the use of my ki.

    My spare moments now are spent training in this. I blow the horn, then I try to emulate it using my ki. At first, it was nigh impossible. Then, I decided to go up the Giantspires, to perhaps emulate that aspect of the story.

    The higher up you go, the harder it is to breathe. The air seems thinner, colder. I noticed though, that the longer I spent up the mountain, the easier it became to breathe, both on the mountain, and in the city.

    I'm going to spend what time I can up there now, amongst the winterwolves, training with my horn and my voice. I hope in time that it will yield fruit. I need to become stronger, faster, tougher. I need an edge to survive here.

    Perhaps this is the edge I've been looking for.


  • The First of Tarsakh, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    I'm not sure what to write about today, I've tried to start this entry maybe a dozen times, and every time I've stopped. Guess I should just put down what's on my mind and my heart, and leave it at that.

    I watched the punishment, at least, the bit of it that was public. It was horrific, devastating. I don't want to go into details, but it is definitely something that will stay with me for the rest of my days. Yet another reason for me to be opposed to fire.

    Linn's back, and she seems like nothing has changed at all. She's still the fairly serious person she's been for a while now. Moved to Peltarch, for obvious reasons. Hasn't said anything about what happened, and I'm not sure how to broach the issue with her.

    My time with Raul has been sparce, seems like he's always out scouting somewhere, away from town. When we are together though, it feels nice… maybe even right. Not sure about it, will have to wait and see what time brings my way. He may turn out to be the man I want to marry.

    We spoke briefly, about a house, and children. He wants to live in a tent, far away from the city. No more than three children, he begged me. Oh, and no tent until he retires. But I know Raul, he won't retire until he's long past the age where he can have children. Have to see if he is set on that, or if he's willing to take something else.

    I don't mind if my home is a mansion, a cave, or a tent. As long as it is mine, and I can fill it with laughter and joy, and with the sounds of children playing. And I want to share that laughter and joy with a good man, a man who will be my husband.

    I told him I was the third of seven children, he almost choked. It was funny, but also a bit telling. I'd probably be happy with even two children, but four would be nice. He'd probably be happy with four, once he knew how things worked a bit better.

    He said that our tent would be glorious, bigger than any normal house, comfortable and warm, filled with all the comforts I could want. I know he could give that to me, if he wanted to.

    I guess the trick is to know what you really want.


  • The Twentieth of Ches, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Oscura
    Weather: Don't know

    The trial was today. I'm writing this in the Shiny Coppers, waiting for a guard to come and get me, hoping that Linn will be willing to see me.

    She was found guilty, and sentenced to three days of purging, having her left eye removed, being branded as a blood traitor, and exiled from the city on pain of death.

    And yet she didn't attend her own trial. The judge said that she had chosen to not represent herself. We all knew what the result would be at that point, that she would be found guilty. The trial, well, I think it was more for political reasons than anything else.

    Evidence was given, opinions aired. Details came out. Seems that Sogar was the one who reported Linn's actions to the Oscuran Authorities. Also seems that he lied, said that she offered to help the dragon take his vengeance. The merchant testified as well, said that Linn had tried to buy the wyrmling off him, but she couldn't meet his price. Belma'r, and others testified, but in the end, it was for naught.

    When they handed down the sentence, they said that the reason for her charge was not that she had told the dragon of the wyrmling, but because she had not told the authorities of her actions herself. I do wonder at the truth of that statement, but I can't do anything about it even if they are lying. And yet… they said that the sentence was a lenient one, because she had done good things in the past for Oscura. Three days of being burnt alive is a lenient judgment?

    Afterwards, I spoke to Senria about what had happened. Everyone was seeing her as the executioner in this, saying that she had a vendetta against Linn, that she was acting on personal motives. But... I don't think she was. I know Linn doesn't like her, and they definitely don't get along, but I know Senria, about as well as anyone can know a person.

    She's not like that.

    We spoke of duty, of how personal isn't the same as important. Of due course, and law.

    Even through all this, I know that I have work I have to do with her, and in this city. There are poor and homeless who need our care. There are undead to destroy. There is a lock to be sealed, and pages to be found.

    I might not trust the motives of Lord Gallows, and others in Oscura, but I trust Senria. She's offered me whatever assistance she can provide, in anything I ask.

    She's the first to do that in a long time.


  • The Fourth of Ches, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    Linn was arrested today, for treason against the city of Oscura. Seems that someone told them about what she said to the dragon.

    Elidur, Belma'r, and Adelie are all taking it pretty hard. They know there's not a lot of hope in this situation.

    The punishment for treason is pretty harsh, anything from purging to execution. And she'll be found guilty if it goes to trial, because her guilt has already been determined.

    I've spoken with Marty, and asked her to put political pressure on Oscura as much as she can, to get Linn freed. Asked her to speak with Norwick and the Silver Valley, so that Oscura will release Linn without a trial.

    But I don't think it will work.

    Politics moves too slowly, and the trial will be swift, less than a month from now. And in any case, Linn isn't the most popular person in the realm.

    Will they come to the party, to aid a woman they either don't know very well, or don't feel fondness for? Will they see the bigger picture?

    I guess the hardest thing for me is this internal division.

    Linn is my friend, and I care for her deeply, even if we don't always get along. But, at the same time, I can see how she broke their laws. I can see how she put the lives of other Oscurans at risk. And breaking the law is wrong… the law should be adhered to.

    And yet I still want to see her freed without punishment. I shudder to think what they will do to her, what the sentence will be. Whatever it is, it will not be pleasant, and it will not be over quickly.

    Elidur is trying to rouse the people of Peltarch up, to get things moving to save Linn. Belma'r is doing research to try and find a way to free her... and Adelie is doing everything she can within the law to save her friend and lover. Me? Well, all I can do is ask others to do what they can, and I can hope and pray.

    I'll be at the trial, come hell or high water, to support Linn, and my other friends. Especially Adelie. I don't know how this is going to affect her in the short or long term... how it will affect either of them.

    I just... I wish my heart wasn't torn two ways about this. What is more important? That law be kept, or that mercy prevails? Where is the place of forgiveness? Where is the place for examples?

    Too many things to think on.


  • The Twentyninth of Alturiak, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Sunny

    Been out doing patrols with other Defenders since my last entry. Been up to the Icelace Beach, the Ogre Caves, the Orc Caves, even headed down to the Duergar with Adelie, Linn, and Raul for some mining.

    It's interesting seeing the different personalities that people in the same job have. You have people like Raul and I in the Farscouts. From what I've seen, the other Farscouts are pretty similar to us. Probably what comes from spending so long in the shadows and out in the wild places. But then, you have the actual Defenders, and the Ceruleans, and the Archangels.

    Aelthas is a Defender, and a high ranking one as well. And I have to say that I do not like the man at all. Not one little bit. He's arrogant, he's pig headed, and he believes he is always right, no matter what anyone else says. Says that the Hoarans have every right to defend their land and shoot people on sight. Says that Orcs should be treated with honour. Even said that orcs have more honour than I do, simply because I attacked an orc that attacked Raul.

    And yet Adelie is a Defender as well. And she and I see eye to eye on things a lot more. Maybe there's just a pole jammed up his arse, I don't know. But I've seen more flexible polearms than that man.

    Anyway, back to the talk of patrols. There was an interesting one a few weeks ago, I had forgotten to write about it until now…

    I was sitting in the commons with Elidur when a group of shady characters walked past, headed out of the city. We followed them, but after a while they just disappeared from sight. Not sure how they did that, maybe they teleported, maybe they went invisible. In any case, a spectre soon appeared and headed straight for the Misty Caves.

    Eli and I followed, staying invisible. This was far more interesting than sitting in the commons watching the world go past. Into the cave we went, looking for clues as to who or what was in here... well, we found out.

    At the end of the cave there was a set of double wooden doors, and they were barricaded.

    Around that time, Raul turned up. Seems he found me with his GPS. We told him what we'd found, and so he sent me to find Linn for some artillery. I followed her signal to the kobold caves, and found her mining in there with Chasen. After filling them in, they quickly made their way to the cave with me, and we made our plans.

    Linn blew up the barricade, and we stormed in to find a ritual in front of us. Undead, demons, cultists, all of them were involved. So slaughter was the order of the day.

    The boss of the group seemed to be a succubus. No quarter for demons. No quarter for undead and necromancers. Down she went.

    We recovered some scrolls and other things, but that cave is just an absolute hotbed of activity. At least once a month there's a cult in there, or smugglers, or perhaps undead, or demons... it's never quiet.

    I'm thinking about either turning it into a monastery, or blowing the whole thing up to stop them using it. In either case, I'll need to apply to the city itself for permission first, don't want to cause any undue fuss or harm.

    Something needs to be done though.


  • The Second of Alturiak, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Temple of Kelemvor
    Weather: Raining

    Went on a trip with Linn and some others today. A merchant asked Linn to retrieve a box for her, in exchange for a golden staff of fiery doom. So several of us got together to help her do it.

    We started off in Peltarch, on a boat hired specifically for the job. Went out on the Icelace, to a cold, snowy island. There we ran into Red Wizards. They weren't too hard to deal with, thankfully. But at the middle of their camp was a pillar of stone, with runes on it. Seems that the pillar was some kind of magical focus, designed to move people around.

    We did capture one of the Red Wizards, he told us that he and his allies were working for Penguinus, a demonic penguin from the abyss. Sounds stupid, I know. A demonic penguin. But I saw how powerful he was, and how fast, and how tough. I sure don't want to mess with him. Apparently he and Orcus oppose one another, not that I can imagine the two of them facing off…

    Anyway, I did manage to find a sheaf of notes about the pillar, so I gave it to Linn to decipher. Whilst she was working on it, Stubs decided to test his luck by calling out the name of Orcus. Of course, he was smited for it, lightly at first, but then he went on trying to say it as many was as he could without actually saying it. There was a flash of light, and he dropped dead where he stood.

    Of course, this meant that I was on corpse duty, so I grabbed him and his things to wait and see what happened next. Didn't have to wait long either.

    Penguinus appeared in front of us in a burst of darkness. Seems he thought we were there to work for him, didn't even question all the bodies around us. Just told us to get to work and open the portal for him in the next hour before departing again.

    Linn did manage to get it working, and we all went through to what we found out later was the Lost City. Apparently we were in the bedroom of a powerful caster of some sort, probably undead... maybe a lich. We searched the room, didn't find much of note asides from a few foul books and a dessicated corpse.

    One of the group accidentally activated a magic mirror, which alerted the rooms owner to our presence... at which point, alarms rang out and we could hear the screams of demons being loosed to capture us, eat us, or maybe worse.

    At that very moment, Penguinus appeared in front of us, excited that we had activated the portal for him! Just what we did not need... or did we?

    We heard two very large demons coming up the passage to the room, so we sent Penguinus after them, telling him that they were minions of Orcus. Good thing we did too, they were balors. Two balors... and he killed them without taking a single scratch, then went on to find more demons to kill.

    We took the opportunity to get out of there, and went to another location via the pillar, this time a desert on the fringes of Thay. There, we found a pool of water where you could put the body of one who died from their own stupidity, and they would be raised to life. It worked for Stubs, so we got him up and on his feet again, and headed out in the direction of some ruins that a helpful local pointed out for us.

    We wandered in the desert for a while, took on some minotaurs and other things, but eventually we found a cave that seemed to be the place that we were looking for. Finally, the group let me scout ahead to see what I could find, and after a while I saw a spectre uncover the box we were looking for, and then disappear.

    I headed back to the others as quickly as I could, to find that the spectre had given Linn the box, along with some instructions. Oh, and Ronan was feeling tetchy that I had taken so long. Sometimes, I wonder why I bother scouting for people if all they're going to do is whinge, or ignore my advice.

    Anyway, we made our way back to the magic pool and were able to use it to travel back to the ruins of Jiyyd. Don't ask me how it worked, I couldn't honestly say. But as we were about to take the ferryboat across to the other side, the merchant turned up and asked for the box.

    Linn apologised, but said she couldn't hand it over. Turns out that the box was made long ago, when the mage empires were still around, and it was designed to blow up Narfell. Linn felt that she couldn't allow such a thing to be sold to anyone, it was too much of a risk.

    They discussed it back and forth for a while, until finally the merchant agreed to speak to the buyer about the situation. That buyer then agreed to come to the meeting and speak for himself. Lo and behold, an ancient Brass Dragon named Fred turned up!

    He told us that he collected the boxes like this, so that no-one else could get them. Linn handed it to him without argument, and everyone stared in wonder at the beauty of the dragon. I've never seen one before, and I have to say that it was an absolute wonder. But then, Linn said something that might not turn out so well.

    She told him about the wyrmling Brass Dragon that was imprisoned in the shop in Oscura. I knew the one she was talking about... poor thing sitting in a cage with a Lantern Archon and a Pixie. Fred was enraged about this, especially when Linn said she had tried to buy its freedom, but the shopkeeper wouldn't sell it to her. He swore to take his vengeance for this insult, and to do so messily, before he left.

    I know that what she did was a good thing, but I think she's going to get in trouble for it if it ever gets back to Oscura what she did... and I think that there will be innocents who die if the dragon does go through with what he said.

    After that, some people spoke of payment or reward for their work, and there was some argument about it. Personally, I was there to help a friend, not to line my pockets. So I said my goodbyes, and came here to rest.

    I hope Linn's staff was worth all this.


  • The Twentyfirst of Hammer, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Raining

    I took the plunge and made things a bit more obvious for Raul, he seemed to be too shy to do it himself, the poor silly hin. He was with Adelie and Linn in the markets, they must have just returned from a trip out to the wilderness somewhere.

    So, I snuck up on him and put my arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek. He jumped from the surprise, and turned bright red… it was kinda cute. Even tried distracting me a few times to try and get away, but I knew his game. Didn't let him go until he had to go on duty either.

    He kisses pretty well, especially when he lets himself relax into it. It was nice, and it's especially nice to feel wanted and loved. I think this is what I felt I was missing for so long.

    I'm thinking about asking him if he wouldn't mind trimming his moustache a little though, it tickles. Never thought I'd have a concern like that, it's always been about the big things, not the small ones.

    In any case, Raul and I do work well together. Sneak around, flank the enemy, knock him over and put him in a world of pain. Then, step back into the shadows and move on to the next target. It might be a lot slower than how Adelie and Linn do it, but it works well for us.

    What I told Alexi still holds true though. I do want to be a wife, and a mother. I want my own home, and children. I haven't spoken to Raul about it yet, not sure how to broach the issue. And it's not so much a matter of wanting to rush things, but I want to make sure that he wants the same thing I do. Otherwise, there's not a lot of point to this.

    We haven't made love yet, I want to wait until I'm sure about this before we do. I don't want to do what I did with Linn, it hurt too much when it all fell apart. And for his part, he hasn't asked yet, or pushed, or even hinted. He's been a gentleman about things, not sure if that's because he's too shy, or because he doesn't know how to bring it up, or because he is happy to wait.

    I guess time will tell.


  • The Tenth of Hammer, 1511 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    The new year was quiet for me again this year. I took them time to go south and cleared up the ruins of the old Sisterhood hall as best as I could, destroying the undead that inhabit the area, moving rubble and clearing stones, and generally just trying to make the place a little more dignified. I didn't manage to do much on my own, but I wanted to try.

    For me, I think this is somehow symbolic of the struggle I've had.

    When I came to Narfell, the Sisterhood was in ruins, both in terms of the old hall, and in terms of the membership. Working hard with others, it was rebuilt. But now, it seems to be falling into disrepair again.

    I wish Marty was around more, I almost never see her these days. Too much time in city hall, too much time away from the Sisterhood. It's affecting her duties, affecting the ladies. Many of the Sisters have moved on or quit… partially I think from just how harsh this realm is, and partially from a lack of leadership.

    She asked that I run things in her absence... but that's not something I can do easily. I try, but I'm not a leader. I can protect, and I can build up, but to lead the women around me...

    I'm just not sure where to take the Sisterhood. I guess I lack that vision that Marty has. I want to see it prosperous, and full of joy and laughter, working hard for the good of all. But the little steps are where I fall down. Build up membership? Check. Build up individuals? Check. Work towards other, unnamed goals? No idea.

    Adelie and I do go out together to rid the land of evil monsters, and we further our own skills, but I don't see other Sisters around to invite them to come with us. And if I organised a specific trip out for the Sisterhood, would they come? Who would lead them? What would we do?

    Marty has all kinds of ideas. Gather wood, stone, metal, to rebuild the hall. Destroy evil in all its forms to make the land safer. Work towards political power in all the cities in the realm so that we can protect women everywhere. Recruit more ladies to our cause. And these are good things to do. But they take leadership to organise, and leadership to ensure that they are successful.

    I recently recruited another lady. Crux. She's an elven warrior, and she's got guts. I think she'll be a good addition to the family. But she is one, to replace the ten we've lost. Now there is me, Adelie, Crux, and Marty. So I have nine more to go... which is not going to be easy with things being how they are nowadays.

    I do hope that Marty gets things organised soon and comes back to the Grapevine. We need her here, to be the leader she is supposed to be.

    I need her here.


  • The Twentyfith of Nightal, 1510 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Norwick
    Weather: Raining

    No snow, again. Seems odd to be at the end of the year, and the coldest month (normally) and yet it's warmer than it was six months ago. Too many nature gods, goddesses, and spirits active at the moment, too much chaos. Hopefully it will all be resolved soon, otherwise I can't imagine the effect on the local animals and plants.

    Fight Night was interesting. I won the archery, but lost the boxing. Linn says I was being arrogant and mean, and she's right. Not sure why I was acting like that either… must just be the stress of everything finally getting to me.

    It was also interesting for two other reasons. Alexi was there, and so was Senria. They seemed happy together, which I'm glad about. Raul was also there... I beat him in the archery AND the boxing, but I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He, in return, also gave me a kiss on the check, and a nice big red unpolished ruby. Of course, he was very shy about it all, but it felt nice to be wanted. I'm hoping to be able to spend more time with him so I can see where this goes.

    I made a hard decision, and left the HDL to join the Peltarch Farscouts. I spend almost none of my time in the Silver Valley these days, none of the council seems to be around much at all, and I haven't seen or heard of Dietrick in years.

    In contrast, Raul is in the Farscouts, they work out of the town where I spend most of my time, I know their leader, and the work is straight forward. Normally they wear leathers, but because I don't know how to wear them, they're getting a special uniform made up for me. Hopefully it will be ready soon, I'd like to be able to help out the people in Peltarch, and this is another way I can give back to them.

    Terren took me aside today, to talk with me about the cultists attacking me. Told me about the god or goddess they follow, said that it was the god of poison before Talona. Kiputyttu. I, in turn, told him of my master, and the spirit that was bound to me, from him, the great enemy he had kept imprisoned.

    He wants to try a ritual, where he attempts to contact it through my mind, to get more information, maybe even find out who or what the spirit is. There's dangers involved, but there is probably less danger in knowing that not trying. At least then I might know why they're after me.

    Oh, and the undead are chasing me as well. Seems they can sense the taint of the page on me, and because I refused to give it to them, they're going to try and force me to give it to them. That sure wasn't a lot of fun.

    So many people and things are chasing me, some for good reasons, others for bad.

    Good thing I'm so fast eh?


  • The Ninth of Uktar, 1510 by Dale Reckoning

    Location: Peltarch
    Weather: Sunny

    There was an auction today, and I got to speak with Alexi about some things. It hurts a bit, but I did what I think needs to be done.

    The auction was, well, mostly boring to be honest. Lots of mundane, boring things, or things I couldn't use. I bought a few potions of strength and one to make me into a sword wielding warrior, but otherwise it was a non-event.

    There was one item at the end that I was interested in. A magical scabbard, able to cast some blessings on the wearer. I thought it would be really nice to have, and I had just about all of my gold still, so I thought I'd be able to buy it.

    But no… Linn bought it. The bidding was pretty fast at the start, and then she bid ten thousand.... I bid fifteen, so she bid thirty thousand gold.

    Thirty thousand... she just doubled my bid without even thinking about it. She probably would have kept going if I had pushed it, so I let it go. As it was, I didn't even have thirty thousand on me at that point.

    She had the gold, so she could buy it, and that's fair, I suppose. She bought it as a gift for Adelie, and I understand that. It's nice to give things to others, it makes them happy. But I do wonder if that was the only reason she bid so much on it.

    Afterwards, Alexi and I went for a walk, so I could talk with him. Senria's back, and adventuring. He and her had caught up a few times, and I now know that no matter what happens, it's unlikely that he will ever be able to give me what I want in my life. A home, a husband, children.

    So we talked. We talked about him, we talked about me, about Senria. About us. About Raul too.

    In the end, I told Alexi that I knew he would never be able to give me what I wanted, and that I should move on. He thought I was only talking about sex, he didn't see that there was more to it than that until I told him again what it was I was after.

    And he agreed with me. If that is what I want, he cannot give it to me, not now, probably not ever. And so, with Senria back in town, I told him that I would not be waiting for him, but that I would move on and try to find love somewhere else.

    Even as I write this, I want to cry. He was my first love, and he will always have a place in my heart. But we will never be together. We are kin in as much as we can be, and he loves me truly, but no matter what I do, or how long I wait, he will either be waiting for Senria, with Senria, or pining for her.

    How can anyone compete with a memory?