3. The Journal of Jerrick Rayfe

The Journal of Jerrick Rayfe


  • The writing on this page is deep, and cuts into the next.
    Sharp harsh lines emphasize every word, and it seems a fresh quill was used after a particularly deep hole that goes through a couple pages.

    It reads as follows:

    _Truth.

    Search for it. Find it. Live by it.
    Right?

    Never have I wanted an answer so little…

    I searched N'Jast for any information I could find on my way back to Narfell. This sabbatical I took to learn what I could of outside druidic practices, or find knowledge within myself brought me near N'Jast, and close enough to hear of the war.

    I made it into town, only to find out that the female leader of N'Jasts army, the Grand Marshall, declared war on Peltarch because of an apparent assassination. I am no spy by any means, but it's easy enough to buy people drinks and listen, and the few days I was here I learned much.

    One thing bothered me though. When I saw the Marshall, something struck me as familiar. Mintas Rhelgor was mentioned, so I know I knew her from Narfell, but I could not figure out how.

    Thanks Meilikki for my gifts, I used them in many ways while I was here. I managed somehow to sneak into the Marshall's chambers and steal a hairbrush. I figured if I could figure out the scent, I might know the person, or at least where I knew them from.

    Dammit all, but the brush had red hair in it.
    Slightly wavy, soft, red hair, gods be damned.
    Hair I've run my hands through, and brushed out after battles.
    Hells, hair I've washed the blood from after tending to serious injuries...

    Kara Dumonte, why are you the spearhead of this army to take Narfell by force? My fiance, what has happened to sway you to this course of action? If you are possessed, I will surely know when I find you.
    If you are mad, I will surely know when I find you.
    I wish I could go back to Narfell first, and check the house, and find you there so I could justify lying to myself and saying this isn't you, but I know I can't. Not with this battle raging as it is. It's all the town talks about. I hope our(is Crossed out) My? friends are ok...

    You never sent word, never made an effort to find me, by mundane OR magical means, so right now, I don't know what to think. Are you fighting for the greater good? Is N'jast in the right, and going to help in some way that is yet unclear to me?

    I will find you, even if I have to be brought before you as a "Spy". When I do, you'll have no choice but to answer to me, or have me killed. I want answers, and I will get them.

    If you're reading this after (Today's date) and there's blood on it, or it's on my body, then I didn't make it to her, or she chose the latter option.
    I hate to write this, but right now I don't know what truth is, and being the simple man I am, I have to go find out.

    I hope I have not been gone too long, and that this may have gotten past my grasp... I have to be able to help somehow. Meilikki help me...

    -Jerrick 'Silverfang' Rayfe_


  • Several ink marks touch this page, but it appears that many attempts at writing were thwarted by some unseen force of will.

    When finally there are words, they appear slowly and deliberately written.

    It's been too many tendays. Too much travel, and little company.
    I'm thinking of you always.


  • _I've never really had a problem with spiders.

    I'm not sure if it's just the druid thing, or the fact that most are small enough to not be able to cause you any harm, and they eat annoying things like gnats and midges and such.

    Lately though… let's just say my opinion was slightly skewed, and biased to think badly of them by a sentient mammoth spider queen the size of the Legion Hall.

    Yes, THAT Legion Hall...

    Luckily, the damned thing was terrified of me. I am sure it's because the circlestone imbued Oreth, Belia, Nere'yn, and myself in some way to help defeat these things... now only if I knew HOW to do so.

    I'm almost thinking it may have imbued the staff itself, which seems bound to my side, and always appears back near me if I drop it. Perhaps if I just run up and WHACK it with it?

    Perhaps a ritual will do the trick, rather like a smaller individual remote casting, as if I were communicating with the stone itself, close enough to touch it... I'm fairly certain it can be done, so perhaps it's worth a shot.

    Other things though... other things.

    Meilikki has seen fit to bless me again, in mind and body... but mostly body this time, and in a couple of ways.

    I have learned new shapes to take, forms to shape myself into, while out hunting polar bears with Telli. I don't use lightning to hunt them, it's sword vs. claw, or if I shapeshift, claw vs. claw. I brought the hides back to the glen, and cooked the meat with Telli, and now I have rations for a few days.
    While fighting them, I feel like I learned a little more of what it is to BE a bear, how they live their lives, what they fight for...

    Now I can take the shape of one, and it all makes sense. Also, I've learned Fayt's form, that of the direwolf breed. A "Pack leader" if you will.
    There's something that makes me want to laugh when I look DOWN at a goblin caster, jaws slavering, and see if stop it's spell in mid cast, as well as it's breathing, even BEFORE I rip it to bits.

    Again... things are morbid in my mind. I've really got to quit that.

    Again, brighter things.

    My friends are alive and well, Kara and I are actually making wedding PLANS, and I am stronger than ever in every way. . .

    Random ink swirls on the page

    I guess I'm not in the right mindset for happy thoughts... I can't get the sound of that spider-woman-queen things voice out of my head. One moment otherworldly and frightening, the next a desperate plea.

    "Kill me...."

    Dammit I want to be able to sleep at night again..._


  • _Again, much has happened of late.

    Hobgoblins? No more. We've wiped out their nest, and the source of their creation, a mad magic user who thought of them as his "Pets" and gave them trinkets to get to our lands to "Play". So many deaths due to the mad whims of another.

    If one such should surface in these lands, I'll surely do my damndest to set it right, and kill the bastard should it ever surface where I can get to it.

    People like that may as well be demons, or some of the unseelie fey, with their casual disregard for human like. Or elf or dwarf for that matter, but I know what I mean.

    Kara and I have gotten to spend more time together lately, thankfully.
    That's been a breath of fresh air in the everyday slaughter of goblins and the like that seems to drape a misty red curtain over my vision some days.

    More often than not lately, I tend to be fighting in a form other than my two legged one, however. It's more… satisfying to feel bone break under paws, or between teeth, and feel the wash of blood across fur and tongue.

    I feel it again, that rising hunger, that constant feeling of not being able to WAIT until I can shift again, feel the air through my fur, smell the scents on the wind, and feel flesh in my teeth.

    Does that make me...

    I'm not sure I should even be writing this down. It feels like I'm acknowledging it now, which makes it... what? More real? Am I losing my grip again like when I first learned to shift? I'm not understanding why it's a BAD thing to be closer to nature, more close to the natural world. Should I be more careful? Is this something I need to be careful of?

    I know I'm in control, I just WANT to be shifted. I WANT the feelings of paws, or claws, and wind and scents and just the new senses I can revel and escape into.

    Escape... damnit, that might be my problem.
    Should I feel like I need escape from something? I know it's not Kara, or the druids, or the Legion, or the Wolves...it's more like... I don't know, this place? Perhaps expectations others may have of me?

    Perhaps I'm just over-thinking this whole thing. There's nothing wrong with me enjoying myself in whatever shape I please, damnit.
    Writing all this down helped to see that though. I think I'll go for a run now... on all fours._


  • _Fey. Fairie. Seelie, Unseelie, those of Avalonian descent.

    Damn if I can't go a day without seeing them.

    Not that it's a bad thing per-se, but The more I interact with them, the more I end up having to deal with the likes of Aramuil or whoever else thinks I'm digging about in things I don't belong in.

    Just yesterday a fantastic rainbow appeared over the lake south of Norwick. Myself and Miea and Bear and Belia went to see what was happening, although myself and Belia already had an idea, since the rainbow looked like a daytime version of the aurora the Fey bring with them when they make a large appearance in this land.

    They asked to speak to Ronan, to speak of payment for the protection they have been providing him. The protection I laid on him with Oberon's power, to shield him from that Fey woman invading his very dreams. The fey made it clear to all assembled what they payment was for, and that it was I that had asked for it, and I offered to carry Ronan's cost for him, since I don't wish to burden anyone with this artifact we've been entrusted with. OR it's cost.

    He of course told me I'd do no such thing and took the price himself, a cherished memory, but the look I saw on his face was one of such confused loss, he couldn't figure out why he was so sad, that I nearly regretted ever doing this…

    I need to hold fast that I know I'm doing the right thing.
    We're destroying the taint, I went to the coldstones even with a group of others, untainted another of the places where the fey lands nearly touch ours, and then instead of risking death in the coldstones while we were all hurt and tired, I took us through the lands of the fey back into the Glen. It cost us all, but I planted another fey fruit I found there, and we were all safe and whole.

    I will continue dealing as I have, and remain firm in my belief that I am doing the right thing.

    I must. I am. I will._


  • _Well, it was a busy day.

    Belia and I were coming back from the Rawlins and happened across what appeared to be Ronan speaking with a fey. She said something along the lines of an apology, then kissed him on the lips, and he immediately transformed into a person shaped tree.

    I stood up to the fey who had an assortment of six legged and half man wolf-beasts with her, and in her audacity she blew me a kiss, and wandered back onto her plane saying something about how Ronan would be so in love with her in twenty-four hours that he would not be able to WAIT to get back to her realm, Avalon. She left a pendant with the curse around Ronan's neck, and he was unable to speak any language but that of plants, which I thankfully am able to cast a spell to communicate with, and he didn't know how to help himself out of the situation, and seemed half resigned to his fate.

    It's a first I've seen from him, and needless to say, it rather disturbed me. I tried to take the amulet off of him, and it tried to zap me! My armor flashed, the golden runes glowing at the magical attack upon my person, but it deflected it. Still, I was unable to get the thing off. I sent Belia into town for Aramuil at Ronan's request, and even dispels were ineffective. Belia and I came to the same realization at that point however, Oberon!

    I ran for him, eating one of those fey fruit that increases he speed of one's feet, and ran as a wolf part of the way as well. Upon retrieving it, I came back, and Oberon immediately leaped to action upon my touching it, blasting the curse off of Ronan, and blasting ME with the backlash of power it needed to take to do so.

    I'm only glad I again proved strong enough to weather the attack, and Ronan was freed immediately.
    I have NO idea if the fey woman who tried to curse him knows it was me, or how Ronan got free, but I'm certainly watching my back now… and I plan on continuing to do so.

    Belia and I did make it all the way to Peltarch like we planned, but not without me testing Oberon once more on Jerr, with his permission, as he is quite covered in curses and burns, the curses making him burn from within violently.

    The backlash from THIS attempt was worse than the previous, as it wasn't just the drain from Oberon that hit me, but whatever curse was upon Jerr took a vicious swipe at me.

    Again my armor came to my rescue, and took a large chunk of the hurt I was about to endure away, a magical attack that made the runes glow like freshly forged metal.

    Once we DID make it to Peltarch, I colored the leather parts of the armor to my liking and dulled the colors of my cloak, and I am now satisfied with the look of it. Can't wait to show Kara.

    Hells it's heavy...._


  • _Oberon seems to be staring at me now, whenever I walk by.
    Sure it's a crystal skull of some dead faerie, but it's magical, and sentient by all appearances and experiences.

    I do have to admit, although it hurt a little, like it was using me to power itself, but it was exhilarating! Cleansing that little bit of taint was amazing, beyond words, and I could feel the area in the woods where the faerie plane was close to our own… I wonder how many more places like that there are?

    I've a lot to think about recently, but I feel like I have a renewed sense of purpose. It's good to have goals, a purpose, new avenues to explore within oneself. It's a good thing...

    Just like having finally gathered enough gold to get my armor made by the crafters in the circle, to get it made and imbued. Can't wait til it's done!

    Kara and I have actually gotten to spend some time together lately, and she's helped me greatly in getting the funds together. I can't thank her enough, but I'm sure I'll think of another way to repay her. Maybe get her something as a surprise.

    I'm sure I'll think of something, I always do._


  • _Well, that takes care of that.

    Tumluk got his tears.
    When one of those damnable changelings caused Trouble in Jiyyd and someone was killed, I went to console the children of the families struck by this tragedy, and I collected their tears.

    Defiantly I faced Tumluk in my next dream, and handed over the jars, and he gave his word that I was no longer a target for this hunt of theirs. Also, his interest in Belia will no longer be a pursuit for him, as part of our deal.

    He got his jars, and I have the safety of my packmate ensured. My own safety comes second, as I can elude their hunt for as long as needed, or stand and fight if they ever had cornered me, but I won't stand for Belia being whisked away in her sleep.

    Now that that's settled, I've been spending more and more time with oreth in front of that Stone. We've GOT to find out it's workings, and preferably sooner than later.

    –-----------A divider in drawn into the page--------------

    Kara is back.
    My heart is at peace, and for the first time in many many nights I slept away from the glen, in our home, and after about 17 hours of resting, playing, resting, eating, playing again, resting s'more, and finally eating again to regain our strength, we went back to our various duties.

    Duty once again is always a constant in my life, but a part of my life has returned to me, and for that I am glad.
    Meilikki, you've blessed me more than words can explain.
    I continue to be your chosen, your vassal, your follower, your sword._


  • _Again I find myself musing about dreams.

    I miss Kara terribly, and I see her face when I sleep. That doesn't bother me though, it's pleasant even though I know (i NOW know) that she's in a land far away. Nobody told me til Eluriel said something abut an airship, but even she was not sure.

    I'm assuming the information she gave me was correct and true, and praying for Kara's safety. Part of me screams that I should be looking for her, because I don't believe she would actually leave without telling me.

    Would she?

    At any rate, dreams.
    That bastard Tumluk came to me again, offering a deal.
    if I collect something for him, he will set aside his claim to Belia and I.

    He wants Belia, and thinks I would make a find addition to he and his queens hounds or somesuch, and I don't know what to make of it except to understand that these unseelie are not to be trusted, as they care little for mortal lives. We are far below them, in their eyes, and toys.

    I don't know what to do about his deal… but I've got to do something, even if it's to throw the items he handed me into the dirt and smash them beyond recognition. . . or giving him what he wants.

    First, I need to find out what they're truly for. Then I'll act._

    There is a space here where he drew idly, it looks like a couple of pillars, hazy outlines of them.

    Also, I either need to get better sleep when I lay down to rest, or find out why I seem to be passing out on random hills and random times… could end up bad for my health at this rate.


  • _I've spent little time with Kara since it happened.

    I was struck down in the demon fortress, and thankfully, she was not, for which I am glad. One thing bothers me however.

    I still have not recovered from the first time, and I begin to fear what may happen if I continue to decline so. Fayt no longer comes to me, as if I am too weak to be anything but a burden to him on a hunt. I cannot cast as many spells as before, and some are lost to me altogether.

    Strange thoughts fill my head, and I can't remember hardly any of the fortress trip either. I feel like I should remember something about Will and Raver, or was it Eluriel and Meril? Bah… none of this makes any sense. All I really know is they're saying we won. I even got a trinket as thanks for our efforts.

    I'm glad, and thankful, but suspicious.
    It's said that it was Silus himself who released the actual anchor holding that demonic plane to ours like a leech, and it's also said he may not have made it out.

    Somehow I doubt it. Somehow I fear that e may have forseen the terrible backlash that washed over the Rawlins like a rogue wave from the sea, spreading pure vile corruption over the place that now sits like a seething festering blanket of sorrow.

    Turns out this attracts demons like bears to honey too.
    While outside the glen as I have been lately, waiting for our visitors from the "Other circle" of the same name, Arvangel the prince of demons or whatever it is he styles himself decided to pay me a visit.

    I had lit myself a smoky fire on a rock before the glen and sat there, remarkably undisturbed by the demongoblins that still roam the area, probably confused why more of their bretheren don't swarm to the swirling miasma of filth in the air now, the taint that I can feel all around me now everywhere but inside the very Glen itself.

    Arvangel and I chit chatted for a while, and Calen brought some others to come say hello to me while I waited, seeing him as well. he was mocking and imperious, but I've had worse company than the demon before, til he grew bored of us and flew off.
    Good riddance.

    Eluriel came to see me after I walked Calen and his companions back, and I spent several hours with her, which was enjoyable, and interrupted by the arrival of another. Merry she calls herself, and apparently a servant of Auril, or "Winter", and a member of this other circle of Quercatha Terr.

    She tracked the demonbear-bat creature past the glen into the southern Rawlins, and we killed it. I saw to the burning of the mutated abomination myself, much to Merry's displeasure. Fire and all, so I understand a bit.

    We're scheduled to have some sort of meeting with their elders, I only hope we can get our bit of the circle up to par and together before this happens. We've got a slew of apprentices, and an elder or two, and No archdruidess.

    These are the druids who offered me a warning when then offered aid weeks ago before the demonfortress assault, which was one of the reasons Kara and I spurred Narfell into action against this threat once again, thankfully with better results this time, as far as getting folks together.

    Still... I can't help but wonder.
    Did we actually HELP the situation?
    It seems time will tell.

    Now, I believe I have a wedding to plan, if I ever get to see my fiance anytime soon with all the new threats in the woods keeping me from our home together._


  • _Failure.

    The search for gold to replenish what Kara and I have used lately failed, and rather quickly, three times in a row.

    First, we took a look at the bugbears, seeing if there were any lurking about that could prove easy pickings.
    Too many bugbear druid types, and I didn't have my lightning resistant cloak on me.

    Next, we decided we'd go play with ogres in the giantspires. After wrestling icebears bare handed, Kara and I made it to the cave, and attempted to cross the bridge.

    Several flaming axes later, we decided against it. Retreating back to Peltarch, we found another to help us, Mec, who went back to the bugbears with us. We began slaying several of them, and that's all I remember. Apparently Kara said they ignored her and went right for me, despite me being past her, and I was soon overwhelmed, despite trying to get to better ground to fight back.

    This loss has left me very weak. I feel as if a piece of me is LITERALLY gone now, like it would take much less to take me down now, like I could not stand up to a tough fight anymore, like a sapling cannot weather a storm.

    I'm worried, but not scared. Just worried that I won't be able to protect those I care about while I'm weak like this…

    Meilikki, tell me what I should do. How can I be what I need to be?_


  • _Up down up down up down up, and down again.

    What the hells is with this today? And yesterday? I'm trying to keep track of everything around me, but I can't even get my OWN head straight with how things have been going.

    The recruits are pretty good overall, though I've had to deal with plenty of crap from each of them lately.

    Self esteem issues seem to be more of an issue than the actuall threat of death to some of these … kids.
    Yes, a few are acting like chidren damnit.
    Yes, I understand you were a slave, I know you want to prove your worth, but you're no good to ME or anyone else dead.
    Caric was first, now Radriel. Granted, Radriel seems a good deal smarter than Caric, less prone to rushing headlong into certain death, but she still wants to be the one to FIND it each time, even if, like today, the slight chance of her being found would certainly spell instant death.

    Let Gears or someone walk into that. He seems to be losing his mind lately though, but clears up in battle, so he's still good for it. Merial makes a great scout too, and damn if Amywen is something other than a ghost, I won't believe it. She sneaks up on me easier than liquor on a lightweight drinker. Thorn's good at it too, but he uses the potions, so If I see him drink one, I know to strike at shadows or bent blades of grass nearby if I think he's up to something.

    At any rate, the GOOD stuff. Kara's home.
    I smelled her as a wolf earlier, but I was late, and she's since bathed and left home, so I went to Norwick. Sure enough, I saw her there, and before I could get so much as a KISS in... Demons.

    GODS it's never FELT SO GOOD to pierce a demon through the eye with an arrow, or score a hit with my blade as it did today.
    Anything getting between me and my Kara is going to have a BAD day, I told myself. And they did... but apparently the bugbears didn't get the hint. No those F#@#$ decided to attack while I was still cooling off form Radriel's insubordinate stunt of possibly quitting the legion. I had the highest damned hopes for her too!

    So we killed scored of bugbears. None of us fell permanently, Loc also got killed but was healed quickly enough, and I was a magical arrow retrieval target today for some reason for those thricecursed bugbear archers.

    I finally reported to Lyte, who was there, and she seemed understanding of the whole mess, and now, well now I'm sitting in front of the fire in the gapevine inn with Kara sleeping on my chest, finlly relaxing, and helping me to do the same. Right now, however, I think it worked. I'm happy right now, and at the moment... yeah, nothing else really matters._

    Notes at bottom of page

    -Find new wolves
    -Find Fadia for testing
    -Prepare for next wolf test
    -Keep training recruits
    -Spend time with/protect/spoil the hell out of / KARA (#1)


  • _Wolf Scout. I now have a rank within the wolves, a position in the family where I have proved some of my worth.

    I passed the test this time, just over a month since my last test, where I slayed the wrong target first, this time proving to Tala that I did indeed have the skills necessary to a wolf.

    Now, the tests I have yet to complete are my apprentice test with the circle, and whatever may come up with the Legion, if it is a test at all.

    Speaking of tests… Kara is still gone.
    This seems a test of patience, though I'm sure she doesn't intend it to be such. As far as tests of loyalty or fidelity, I've of course, had no issue.
    I'm not pursued, so that makes it far easier, as well as the fact that Kara is a rather intimidating individual, which means she's not likely to be contested by much of anyone as well.

    I suppose the greatest test of all right now is patience... it used to be the hardest for me to pass, but it seems to have eased with time.
    Guess I'll wait for now._


  • **This page has been torn out, as if a letter was written and removed for delivery. The page right behind it has a small note on it. **

    _It's really about time Kara should have been home from her trip… or so I would think, but I'm sure whatever is keeping her is important. . .

    Seeing a few people about has made me miss her more and more lately, namely my two fellow halfelves, one of whom, Ah'Ria, just came back.
    Now her and prettyboy seem inseparable. Not a bad match, I think. Cute even.

    True to my word, I'll have to remember to pass that along when I see Scratched out and replaced with her next.

    I hope she likes the letter, when she gets home... and doesn't kill me for leaving a mess of things in the trunk she just cleaned... Oh I am SO dead, better go clean now._

    **The page ends with a few marks of Jerrick cleaning off the quill of the bright blue ink, and a small mark of the date. (RL Apr 3. 2008) **


  • _Norwick, I have decided, is ridiculous.

    if it wasn't for the fact that it's on the way from all my other places of associated TO the Rawlins, I might just quit going there so often.

    Case in point, last night.
    Sitting about the fire AFTER running south after a tip from Silus that something was wrong to fight demons, only to run north and find our town occupied by goblins, which we fought off successfully, came another issue altogether.

    A woman named Iria was in the Norwick jail, and as I sat about the fire tending to a VERY drunken Felix and Radriel (I HATE drunksitting now) we saw fire come from the direction of the barracks. I followed Dietrick in, and we found the cells on fire, or rather A cell on fire particularly… Iria's.

    I'm not entirely certain as to WHY she's in jail other than she was supposedly trying to summon a demon here (Her and everyone else it seems) but now she's dead, burned to death in front of Dietrick's eyes.

    I arrived and began putting out the fires, but not nearly fast enough.
    Then all hell broke loose. Felix started demanding things of the guard, who was baffled as to how we all got down there in the first place, and got himself arrested.

    I left when asked to, and saw Felix released, as well as Drogo the gnome, who was also part of our little retinue of folks who ran inside to see what happened. The gnome came out in troll form, earning a beating from the outside guard who didn't see the carnage the INSIDE jail guard saw, and only saw a talking troll with a burned body in it's arms.

    When Drogo didn't change back on command, the Norwick guard laid into him. After some discussion of what to do with the body, they (Drogo and Felix) brought the prisoner's body into the healers, and at that point, I needed rest. I had been rather badly burned putting out the fires, I was sick of drunksitting, and I have no power in Norwick that's good for talking to the guards about the situation without getting beat on or blown off, so I left.

    I'll have to let Ronan or someone know eventually, and hope that the whole scheme there was not to get the body out of jail so it could be stolen... that sort of thing seems to happen a lot out here.

    As for Felix, he really HAD aught to obey orders, and told me "No" to my face several times tonight, including in the situation leading to his arrest where I told him to stand down and leave the cellblock when told to do so.
    I hate making my journal seem like my report log, but this is NOT the first incident like this I've seen, and unfortunately, others keep reporting these sorts of things to me too.

    I'm going to wait til the business with Grag is sorted, or at least calmed down, and then I need to speak to General Lyte. If he won't listen to me, I'll have to hand him to the higher ranked officer, since I obviously don't command the respect in him that I should.

    Yesterday if it wasn't for the fact that I saved a couple of lives during the fighting, was not worth waking up. I'm sleeping in today... starting now._


  • _I've always gone forward day to day, thinking about the day after the one I'm in, only glancing back at the past days to remember a choice detail that can again, be used in the future.

    Now I look back and wonder, examine, and get to know myself.
    I asked someone recently, if she thought be too violent, too savage, too bloodthirsty, thinking at least an answer of "Sometimes" at best.

    When she said no, I looked at her a long time, this sister of mine, and smiled again. If those closest to me don't see it, then it's likely not there, and I've little to worry about. I just surprise myself sometimes, laughing as I cut open a bugbear, or elite goblin, a roving demon, or a marauding horde of undead. The fight thrills me sometimes, so much that I'll even go seek it.

    Is it instinct to hunt? Is it more than instinct? It rather makes me wonder at times, whether I sometimes let my connection to the wild slip more into my life as a person than I realize.

    Speaking of which, I apparently keep managing to startle people when I let anger show on my face, and I don't know what it is they see. I should be more aware. It's good to keep my thoughts on these pages, I can take one of those rare looks into my own past and try to learn.

    Lastly, I've been avoiding writing this down.
    I didn't think when I wrote these words that they could be written with such a lack of joy or good feeling, but right now I feel like vomiting instead of writing.

    Grag was found.

    I should elaborate, but I know the image won't ever leave my head… still if anyone happens across this they should know. General Grag was found on the watchtower just inside of Jiyyd, vigilantly standing watch.... except that it was not the General as we know him... but a hollowed out husk, a shell made of his own body, eyeless and empty.

    That anger I mentioned before? It pales in comparison to what I feel now. I want the blood of whomever did this, and I want to bathe Jiyyd in it, make it green with the life that is given to it by my blade.

    I can only hope that whatever did this makes a mistake, and I find them myself. Until then, the hunt beckons, and I must answer._


  • Damnit.

    That about sums it up.
    I manage to get a recruit for the Legion, a lovely young lady with some considerable skill at finding and disabling traps and a good attitude, and while I was testing her, I got a note about an attack on Jiyyd.

    I brought the small force of Legion Privates and my recruit with me to fight snow goblins, as the note said, and we arrived to catch one in the act of fighting the guard. Shortly thereafter Regrin Deed was shot through the gate, standing before it as it was OPEN.

    We shut it, moved him, and fought off waves of goblins climbing over walls with ropes and the like, a couple goblins at a time. Then the catapults and their flaming ammunition started in.

    I went out to wreck it, an invisibility potion in hand, and then we all went out to hunt down the remaining goblins… long story short, we found no more, and the town was attacked behind us.

    I failed protecting the people that looked to me for leadership, and in front of Naiya, an elder of the circle no less.
    I feel a fool, lost in the sea of my own ego for even TRYING to maintain order, but it WAS my responsibilty, and I should have expected the ambush.

    I've been through these before, and I should have known better.
    Next time, I'll be ready, if there is one.


  • A strange entry appears in the journal, written in a slightly more sloppy version of Jerrick's neat, precise, and flowing script. Vague and almost nonsensical, the entry is short, and unsweetened.

    _What is the mind?
    Can is be forgotten somewhere like a misplaced coinpurse, and lost in that sense? Or can it be taken perhaps?

    How do you find a lost mind? Does that mean it can wander off like a child left unattended?

    Hells, I need to find someone like Aramuil for a question like this. It seems like a question that can only be banished by talking it to death, and frankly, I don't think I have the words.
    Hells, I just proved it._


  • A letter arrived at the Glen today…
    Seems this is going to be it, if Ronan has anything to say about it. A final assault on the demon fortress that we've been letting sit for a while? I'm not sure how well this will work, but then again, we haven't been sure every other time too.

    His request for two people from the circle makes me think some.
    I wonder if Fadia is going to pick me to represent the circle again. I can only hope that I can do so, perhaps It will help serve as a test, or something like it, since I still haven't been able to recover a piece of a powerful creature to bring back as proof of single combat.

    Jerrick taps his quill against his chin, thinking, and smiles slightly to himself

    On a better note, there was a big dinner outside the sisterhood, led by Nicahh, to raise funds for building a school in Jiyyd. Things went a little crazy thanks to one of the waiters trying to kill himself, cutting another person, the chef constantly being angry and the like, and my plan to propose to Kara seemed to crumble in front of me as I couldn't even get my hands to stop shaking.
    I recited a poem I wrote which, in retrospect, was likely TERRIBLY cheesy, and gave Kara a jade engagement ring that glows with a green light, which she thankfully accepted. So now, again, I find myself engaged.

    I'm looking forward to the future, more so than normal, but one thing is still heavy on my mind. How are a Quercathan Druid/Wolf/Legionnaire and a Kelmvorite Paladin/Purple Dragon Knight/Order of the divine shield going to arrange a wedding, or rather what kind of wedding we'll have....
    Oh well, all things work out eventually. I hope.


  • In most of my dreams, I am running.

    This may be because in most of my dreams, I am a wolf, but I digress.
    I keep finding myself running places, not so much FROM things, as TO them, but running has always been the recurring theme. I suppose it means I feel like I'm searching for something, and don't have much time, or I feel it's such an impossible goal, that maybe, JUST maybe I can reach it if I give it my all.

    Tonight I dreamed.

    A key rests heavy in my pocket, and a red haired girl rests on my chest.
    Cushions surround us, as well as something called peace. I think I can get used to this.

    Hells, I think I have.