3. The Pains of a Shoeless Druid

The Pains of a Shoeless Druid


  • ((I know I make many of these… but I look over previous stories and Im unhappy of how they turned out, so I like to start over. These are thoughts, not a journal writing.))

    Anger

    It is hard to control sometimes. Ive seen many disturbing things, and most make me angry. I keep it inside most of the time, but sometimes I keep too much in and it has to be unleashed. This anger is sometimes given to others who did not deserve it.

    Star. She didnt deserve it. I bit her as a wolf. Without telling why, or giving her a chance. I just lashed out at her because I thought she was doing something bad, which I had no proof of.

    Keira. She also didnt deserve it. Im glad she had the chance to kick my ribs while I was down. She killed a white stag, but did not know it was holy. She tried to skin it and use its parts, I didnt give her a chance to. I did this a second time too, when another white stag looked like a demon to her. Again, I took out my sword and struck.

    I blamed William for letting Raisa fall to a succubus. Wrong of me to do that. It wasn't his fault. I apologized, but I still feel bad. I wish I could go back and not say those things, but it is too late.

    These arent the only three. Only after a year or two I realized what I was doing. I should listen to Raisa. Teach them instead of drawing my sword first, ask why. I dont know how to teach though… All I know how to do is fight. Im a stupid man. Things here change me. The disturbing things. Ive seen torture, blood scattered in the snow, friends falling before my eyes. It all makes me sad, and that sadness turns to anger.

    Im surprised Raisa has not taken my sword from me. But I think she needs all the Circle's help right now in these bad times. She says the Circle needs me. For what? I make bad decisions most of the time. All I can do is hold a sword and swing it in hopes I hit the enemy.

    I guess all I can do is try to improve and see what happens in the future days.

  • R

    ((bump))


  • Why?

    Things seemed to be getting better for me. There was peace for a while. But that changed over the last few days. Friends fall, enemies gain strength, mistrust, feelings hurt… all in such short time.

    Someone in the Circle does not trust me. Someone that I thought was my friend. No. She isn't my friend anymore. Just another person I know and have to be near on occasion. She told me she was sorry, then openly admitted she didn't trust me. Why? What have I done? Nothing. Its only what she "thinks" I did. I get angry. Angry that she thinks I would betray Raisa.

    Nicahh tickles me, I laugh. "She" spots me laughing. Assumes I am cheating or what she calls an 'affair.' Ragnhild tickles me too, will she also assume I am doing this 'affair' with Ragnhild also? I dont know. Maybe I am not allowed to be friends with other females. Who knows how she thinks, if she even is thinking. Maybe she wants to seperate Raisa and I. Seperate us because her mate had left her... no, I cant think that. That is wrong.

    Who is she? She is the one who introduced me to the Circle. The one who gave me the test of the druids. The one who I used to look up to, but now am only angered when she is near me. Fadia.

    Raisa knew. Knew I wouldn't betray her. I couldn't. She will be my first and my last mate. Fadia does not think so for some reason. She has watched us grow together ever since we joined the Circle, and I am confused as to why she would think these things. She said she was being protective of Raisa. Protective? Lie. Fadia hates me. I did something wrong, I guess.

    Nicahh was upset. I saw a new friend in her. She will probably avoid me because of this. I liked our talks. I hope Ael doesn't think what Fadia does. But he is smart, so I doubt he will.

    After reflecting on the matter, Wolf rolls over in the tent and sees Raisa and his daughter sleeping peacefully. He gives them both a kiss and then drifts off to dream of being a normal wolf in a very large pack, though for some reason he is the only one in the pack with fleas…


  • Troubles

    Everyone has troubles. None here seem to be completely happy. I watch silently as arguments come about often.

    Friends are starting to act strange. Lucid. He is not himself lately. I dont think there is anything I can do for him, I think he dislikes me now. He looked like he was looking to me for help, but I stood silent and did nothing. Silence, it can hurt more then words sometimes, I think. Though, I am afraid to speak, so I do not say something that angers another. When I give my thoughts, that always seems to happen.

    Fadia. I gave her my thoughts. She acted as if I was a heavy burden, to disagree with her. Stupid… should have stayed silent. She was asking me to trust Penny. Penny? I still have that itch of anger towards that woman, I cant trust her no matter how hard I try and I do try hard to forget the past. It has been many years... it should be forgotten.. it isnt. Though, at least I dont make Penny suffer anymore, she does not deserve it.

    Green. She told me of her father and Grivel. Most of it was sad. I think she needed someone to listen, and I offered that. Im glad she can come to me and tell me what troubles her. It makes me feel...well.. not useless.

    Raisa. I think about her most of the time. She is unhappy with many things. She says I make her happy, but I just have this.. feeling that I am not doing the best I can for her. I think she might be bored with me, or is too stressed to give me too much notice. I miss the old days, where she wasn't as busy.

    Me? My troubles are not as bad as some others. But, I am someone small. No hero. Not an important person. Just a man, protecting his family and what he believes in. That is all I can do.


  • Curiosity killed the…. wolf?

    I guess trouble likes to find me. Im too curious of things. Like touching things Im not supposed to. I always think, "what could happen to me if it is just touched?" Then I put my hand into the fire.

    One thing was that dagger. That I dont want to think about ever again.

    Recently, I seemed to accidently steal a balor's power. It had destroyed a.. cook pot and I touched the dirt from where the crater was formed. My hand began to smell really bad. Some fainted around me. Others that managed to not faint told me to bathe.

    Cursed. I later found out I was cursed with this.. "power." I really had no idea what was going on. Some celestial woman told me it will go away in a few weeks. Very strange. I left and headed to my home in the woods, I sort of forgot I had the smell around me, because I cant really smell it myself. I arrived at the entrance to the glenn. Two umberhulks were there. I asked for blessings and charged. They fell over and died. It was from the smell… I guess one good thing came out of my curiousity..

    The bad thing though, is I cant hold Raisa in my arms, or even my own daughter for a few weeks. She said I was strange, that I got my hand so smelly. I am strange. How could this happen? That I get cursed with a hand that kills umberhulks because of its smell?

    Many things were tried to remove the smell. Nothing worked. So, I have to leave Raisa and my daughter for a few weeks. She gave me a sad smile before I flew off as a bird. "It will be ok," I said to her in my mind. She could use a break from her strange husband anyway.