Benji's Journal - Scribbled Notes
-
Benji wanders through the the Legion Hall to his quarters. He has a giddy smile on his face. When he reaches his room he grabs a piece of parchment and starts writing himself a letter.
@8c1bbc2709:
You're a lucky man. You know that, don't you? Farking lucky. You're lucky you have all those people coaxing you along like that. Elbow nudge here. Fancy bottle of wine there.
The way Uljas made up that whole fancy, candle-lit dinner for the two of you? No wonder he has so many wives. He farking earned them. Yes, you owe him for that. But still… give yourself some credit.
She's after you. She gave you that light-up bolt didn't she? Don't try to be all tough and manly about it. It was romantic and you liked it. In fact you probably stopped breathing long enough that you nearly passed out.
Stop wasting your time here writing this stupid letter. Legion patrol down south. Give yourself some extra time to buy some flowers on the way.
He abruptly dots the period on the end of the last sentence and quickly reads it over.
"Yup."
He walks out the door with a skip in his step.
-
A haggard Benji returns to his quarters carrying a bottle of Red Army Ale. He uncorks the ale and slowly sips it. After a while he pulls blank parchment and a pen out of his desk drawer and begins to write.
@5e6e268f48:
You've seen that kind of shite before. Legionnaire gets thrashed. Grit your teeth. Pick up the pieces, drag them back. Diamond. Spell. Good as new.
At least that's what you were expecting. Even when Anor couldn't raise her with that spell you figured things would be fine once you got her back to the temple.
That farking glowing altar said it itself. She's not coming back. She's gone.
'Telli would have wanted it.' Would have wanted what? Fancy tomb? A parade from the north to the south end of the farking Nars Pass? Friends wallowing in sadness day after day?
Do you know what Telli would have wanted out of you? She would have wanted you to get over it.
You payed your respects. Time to suck it up and move on.
You got big shoes to fill Captain. Telli had big feet.
Benji tips the bottle of ale back, drinks half of it, then seals it. He scratches the letters 'T' 'E' 'L' 'L' 'I' on the half finished bottle then stows it in his foot locker.
-
((Honorable mention to Karnivorr for the epic pie description. Some of it has been lifted and rewritten here…))
Benji tosses a fork into an empty picnic basket. Pie crumbs cover the desk. A heady scent of dark, sweet cherries and fresh lemon tartness fills the room.
He idly licks vanilla cream off of each finger. He groans.
"Faaaaark. That was gooood."
He unbuckles his belt and pats his belly. An open drawer catches his eye. He rifles through it and finds a few scribbled notes. Reading through them occasionally causes a smirk or a sneer. When he's done he grabs another blank page and a pen. He smirks as he writes.
@0fdf3cb239:
The dust has settled again.
It's been a few weeks. Maybe a month. How are you feeling? Better? Do you think it really could have worked with Yana? Does it matter? What matters is that things are as they should be… and they could have been a lot worse.
You're smiling again. Not faking it for the most part.
Even chasing some poor girl around trying to impress her. Funny that you always chase the tough ones.
'Little Warrior.' Stand her up next to a giant and she'd be as tall as his knee, but with the way she handles that huge sword she could slice his balls off... And on top of that she bakes strawberry pie!
How could you possibly resist?
Don't get your hopes up. There's no way she'll be impressed by that paunch you've been growing.
Get your fat arse on the floor. One hundred sit ups.
After he stuffs all the letters back in the drawer Benji mutters his way to the floor and starts doing sit ups.
-
Benji walks back to his quarters quietly. He ignores the salutes of passing Legionnaires as he does. Once locked in his quarters he carefully sits himself on his chair.
He pulls a hidden, cloth covered amulet out of his shirt and examines it. After a while he removes the cloth covering and winces as the amulet's bright red light hits his eyes. Benji pulls his glasses off quickly and wipes his eyes.
He picks up the amulet again and squints at it. He runs his thumb over the various gouges and scuffs on the amulet.
He hangs the amulet from a hook on the wall to light the room. He places his glasses back on his nose and grabs a pen.
The handwriting in his letter is mostly soft but trembles at times.
@2b3e4bb9fb:
It's true what they say. The first cut is the deepest. That cut has been there all along. It just took silly Maya to open it up again.
What if…? What if nothing. Things happened the way they were meant to happen. You told Yana you love her. She understands, but that's it. Unrequited. There isn't a simpler way for it to happen than that.
What now? Now you give up on it. Give up the hope...................................................................
But you can't. You stupid bastard. Don't lie to yourself. There's no hope there. She isn't going to wake up one morning and realize she loves you too.
You're not doing this because there's hope. You're doing it because you're too stupid to see the truth. But you're just going to keep on hoping...
Fine. Go on hoping, but bury it. Lock it up. Put that hope and all those feelings back where you found them. Throw away the key this time.
Benji writes out the last sentence in angry, ink splotched, frustration.
He takes a deep breath and looks up at the amulet hanging on the wall. He stares long and hard until the stinging red light brings tears to his eyes. As he ties the cloth around the amulet, again hiding its light, more tears roll down his cheeks.
-
After muttering at his door and drunkenly struggling with the key and the keyhole for a few seconds Benji stumbles into his quarters dumps himself in his chair. He rummages through his desk drawers and squints curiously at a few trinkets before he eventually finds his old notes and reads through them.
He writes another. The handwriting is clumsy.
@a195219ab2:
Sabre's a real card, isn't she. Something else. Makes you wonder why you aren't head over heels for her instead. It isn't because she's missing something. She's got all you want. She's tough. She's tender. Why the line in the sand?
Because you know there's no taming the Sabre. There isn't any hope there. She doesn't pick anyone. In fact she had herself pegged when she said '…good to escape reality...' Good times while they last.
Well the good times are over. How does reality taste? Bitter? Painful? You bet your ass. You're a farking pane of glass. You'd probably faint if Yana looked at you through those beautiful eyes the right way. Willing it to happen isn't going to make it happen.
What would you give to end that unrequited love anyways? Don't answer that.
Answer this: Where's Jay. The sooner you track him down the sooner you can stop worrying about Yana squaring off with him in some crummy Peltarch back alley.
Hangover Remedy is in one of your coat pockets. Second from the top, third from the right.
Benji pulls a vial out of a a jacket pocket and quickly drinks it. He holds it in front of his face a few moments letting his eyes come in to focus.
He tosses the empty vial away as he dashes out of his quarters.
-
Benji pulls a few old letters ((the two previous ones)) out of his desk drawer and reads through them. He squints a few times as he reads then mutters to himself in gnomish.
I can be such an arsehole.
Benji finds another piece of paper to write himself another letter.
@76575f5d61:
Been doing a lot of reflecting lately? Self loathing? Don't be such a farking pansy. Wah wah. You don't have many friends. They're good friends. That's what counts. You lost Yana as a friend? Look. Just explain to her how you feel. Write her a letter and tell her how it is.
You're not going to send her extravagant presents. And you're not going to send her romantic poems. And you're not going to read into signs that aren't there! In fact you're not going to read into any signs at all! You're going to go back to being your same stupid self unless she makes it blatantly obvious… BLATANTLY... that she wants otherwise.
You're going to take any response you get in stride. Stop crying, victimized, in a puddle of your own sadness. Are you a victim? No. Those goblins at the lake with the bolt holes are victims. You're a Legionnaire.
ALSO. For GOND'S SAKE! Don't waste so much farking paper this time!
Such an arsehole.
With a small grin on his face he grabs another sheet.
-
Following angrily yelling his lungs out about the recent attack on the Legion Hall Benji returns to his quarters and locks the door.
He shoves an assortment of random gadgets off the desk and writes himself another letter.
@a1070e0041:
What the fark did you think was going to happen? You saw how she curled away from you. Of course things are weird between you two now. It was a mistake not to consider that. She took the poem and the flower the wrong way? Don't be an idiot.
You meant more than to let her know she's beautiful. She saw right through you. Right through your forced laughs trying to pass it off as nothing.
I can see where this is going. You're going to wind up on the precipice of Heroes' Bluff again.
Don't torture yourself. Just let it go.
By the way, the siege equipment is still disassembled in the yard. You're just asking for another attack. Pull yourself together.
Benji leaves his quarters and drags his feet to the Legion's siege equipment.
-
After an extended session of target practice at the Legion archery range and some horribly low scores Benji pads into his quarters and locks the door. He writes himself a letter.
_You should have seen it coming. Advice from Maya? She certainly seems like a wise expert on the subject of love. All right I'll be fair. She's an expert on the subject of her daughter.
So you took her advice. Give her a single flower and simple poem. Nothing to cry over. Just tell Yana how you feel. You think she's beautiful. Maybe leave a hint you think you could be more than friends. But that got you thinking about the future again. Imagining what could happen. Big mistake.
Remember what happened with last time? All that hope? Did it do you any good? Of course not. You haven't talked to Marie in years.
Yana knows how you feel. You think she's beautiful. Leave it at that. Don't paint her a painting. Don't invite her to a candle-lit dinner. And for gods' sake don't turn into a clumsy idiot around her.
Get back to doing what you do best. Your crossbow hasn't been shooting right because you haven't tuned it in a week. Fix it up._
Benji slowly reads through what he's written. He sighs then sets out his crossbow and gets to work.
-
((Note written in gnomish tucked away in his pocket))
The List:
Scribbled Out Name SomethingSomething
Scribbled Out Name-anna!
scribbled out 'Sune'Crossed off the List and noted with Smiley Faces:
General Theaon Thorn
Devlin Desario
-
Page burned.