This is my first proper journal entry since we have parted ways with Leoorin and Belgeon, for which I am glad, at least I can write in some peace. Adotiln is a kind man, but in his presence most of the time, it does become very tiring. He means well but the way Tyr is meant to ‘guide’ him, it sounds like he doesn’t have much freedom. It is admirable what he does though he seems tied to his faith more I could deal being with.
But again I’ve never truly felt the urge to follow a god that closely, I know Selune watches over me but she would not want me to give up my freedom as a paladin would.
We are now in Arable, and it is a beautiful city, full of life and humming with people. And not to mind the odd pick pocket!
Adotiln has insisted that I stay at the temple of Tyr for a while but I would feel more comfortable at the Shrine of Selune. I am still with out my voice, and I can’t always carry a ink and paper with me; so Adotiln has helped me to come up with a few signs. Just simple words but I am getting more fluent at using them with him.
(below are a few simple outlines of hand signals, like water, food, yes, no, please, thank you, how are you? )
Often I am left with out anything to do, and one of the monks sometimes throws a broom and other things at me, in a simple title, I am the cleaning woman. It is boring and I feel somewhat angered I am left to do this silly work. At least, it is something to go but it is horrible when I have to scrub the steps. But, I do get paid for this work, and soon I should be able to a passage on a boat or carriage back to my home.
I have written to mother, and I pray she gets the letter in good time and that she isn’t mourning my supposed death.
(There are a few blotches of ink, like someone has dropped the quill)
Adotiln has just told me of something very interesting, a theory perhaps. He thinks that I have lost my voice to Shar, when I was half way to death, I was in a void, and to leave there something had to be sacrificed, and my voice was the one thing to go. At times it is frustrating not being able to get a point across, but I was no bard who cherished a good singing voice, my voice wasn’t my lively hood so I don’t feel cheated.
Just having been that close to Shar does still scare me deeply, having liked the emptiness of my mind, I understand how others feel against a Sharren now, I’d never really been that concerned about one of them, but now I am. I guess it must just be another step into my faith but I think I am ready for some direction in my life now, so I will embrace the opportunities she will give to me.