3. The Art of Being Isolde

The Art of Being Isolde


  • A small book, bound in rich red leather and fastened with an ornate brass clasp and a tiny lock. Should one manage to get past the lock, either through key, cunning or simple brute force, the crisp cream white pages within release a faint scent of honeysuckle. The first page declares the book's content in artfully flowing handwriting: "The Art of Being Isolde".

    "Welcome, gentle readers, whenever and wherever you should find yourself in time and space when stepping into my realm! I am Isolde, your gracious hostess, guide, author and star of the ongoing narrative that is my life on paper.

    First, introductions. Now, now, don't be shy! Come a little closer, whisper it softly - but no scribbling in the margins! I retain all creative rights within these pages, and any trespassing letters and doodles shall be sent packing, poste haste!

    As for me? Who is Isolde, you ask yourself with a tingle of anticipation, with baited breath and burning curiosity. I will give you no straight answer, no simple response - after all, learning the answer to that is rather the purpose of writing this book. I'm trying on life for size, inventing and reinventing myself as I go along, and you may join me for a little while, dear readers!

    Currently, I find myself in the chill and surprisingly damp northern land of Narfell, attempting to make my fortune in a number of different ways, including that of artisan and bold adventurer. But more on that later, I'll finish my introduction by inviting you to a glimpse of the Past Life of Isolde.

    The only problem is, I haven't quite decided which past should be mine, yet. Tell you what, why don't you choose?

    In the beginning, there was a girl. She was small and chubby and soft, with but a tiny tuft of red hair on her baby head. The world was her oyster, and she the pearl within, gleaming with new life and potential. She was, in other words, like all other babies born. Only prettier.

    But as the girl took her first breath of air, her mother drew her last.

    This tragic scene is set in the bustling port town of Lyrabar, and here our motherless girl grew up, the mournful cries of seagulls ever hanging in the air, the wash of the waves a constant backdrop to the sounds of commerce.

    The girl's father was:

    A) A rich merchant from Amn, married into the nobility of Lyrabar but whose political ambitions saw him assassinated when the girl was still of a tender age, leaving her orphaned.

    B) A simple fisherman, grief-stricken by his wife's death and unable to support the girl as he drank himself to death, leaving her orphaned.

    C) An unknown, unnamed patron of the Courtisan's Guild where the girl's mother plied her trade until her demise, leaving the girl for all practical purposes orphaned.

    Pick your favourite alternative - and I may tell you the rest!"


  • An elegant elven woman, easily recognizable to those that know her as Elvadriel, features at the top of this entry. She appears to be whistling nonchalantly, casually leaning towards the figure of a beautiful woman, seemingly sculpted in marble. The tall, gaunt figure of what might possibly be a man, cowled in black, looms over the scene like a menacing shadow.

    Power

    Without Elvadriel, I'd never have dared venture so far into the maze as that. It isn't just her obvious power, the magic she so skillfully weilds, but more than that - since the day we first met, I was struck by Elvadriel's indominable spirit. I find her self-assurance infectious, irresistable, and in her company I often find myself taking risks I'd otherwise have opted against.

    On this particular day, it was just her and me; a rare treat as it was quite some time since we last spent any real time together just for fun. Grief handling was never Elvadriel's strong suite, and by the time I'd stopped weeping, I'd immersed myself completely in the enchanted private sphere belonging to Nate and I alone.

    But now, here we were on a jaunty stroll towards adventure, two fabulous ladies with the world laid before them. Just like the old days! The fishmen phased us not at all, the Ettins tumbled into heaps of twitching flesh and bone - but wait, twitching?

    Twitching… and rising.

    Zombie ettins, groaning in stereo - something was most definitely 'up', but even gruesome undeath seemed just another enticing adventure element to our day. We proceeded with just a smidge more caution, elation shining in Elvadriel's eyes. Mystery, challenge, oh my!

    Dark chanting in a nearby chamber, the acrid taste of necromancy on my tongue - but once we turned the corner, I suddenly faltered. Waiiit a minute, I know that dwarf! She'd healed me at the request of that coocoo-crazy Jenny, part of her 'gang' of vampire hunters! The priestess cackled a friendly greeting as another Ettin rose groaningly to its feet, while Elvadriel cocked her head quizzically towards me.

    I must say, it's ever so pleasing to have friends who not just trust your judgement, but won't fly off the handle for principle's sake. Elvadriel simply smiled pleasantly, slinging the sword she'd been toying with back over her shoulders.

    We chit-chatted, learning that the priestess was looking for an enchanted amulet, rumoured to be hidden somewhere deep within these caverns. Her zombies wouldn't hurt us, noted the necromancer, but look out for ghouls! Those belonged to the competition, and were 'not' the friendly kind.

    A mystery quest for a shiny amulet of untold powers? Yes, dear readers, you guessed it - Elvadriel and I joined the chase, leaving the priestess to raise the rest of her helpers while we pushed ahead, further in and down, down, into the duergar maze of deadliness below.

    I should have been frightened, but somehow I wasn't - Elvadriel sliced through the resistance, undaunted, and I couldn't help but to get dragged along in the wake of her unquenchable confidence.

    As we neared the bridge leading to the settlement proper, however, the duergar suddenly dwindled - the absence of guards a clear signal that we may have company of a different kind. The silence was unsettling as we crossed the bridge. The chill in the air felt palpable, an icy trickle down my back as we approached the first low stone buildings.

    There, at the corner.. a flicker of something, a moving shadow! A gaunt, ghoulish figure just discernible in the dark, and the pale white shape of a woman. A ghost, I thought at first, but she stood so very still. Coming closer, I noticed the solidity of her, the gleam of smooth white marble. She was perfectly sculpted, strikingly beautiful, remarkably lifelike in detail, right down to the amulet noticibly clasped around her slender neck.

    Though if this was the prize we'd sought, our competitor loomed before us, a frightful figure robed in black. Tall, inhumanly thin but exuding such a sense of menace that I took an involuntary step back. Underneath the cowl, an impossible mouth moved, teeth far too many, lips a sickly grey.

    "What is your business here?", demanded a chilling voice, cold like mist sweeping across a desecrated graveyard at midnight.

    Elvadriel just smiled, spouting pointless pleasantries to the gaunt figure, as though were we but two hapless ladies on a sunday stroll, clueless and care-free. He soon dismissed us as insignificant, ordering his ghouls to prepare moving the statue while we exchanged a quick set of murmurs.

    Smiles firmly in place, I hooked Elvadriel's arm in mine as she blathered on, casually getting closer to the statue. With her free hand, she gesticulated idly, and as if on sheer whim, touched the cool marble. Our opponent stiffened in alarm but too late: a quickly muttered spell, slim elven fingers weaving and then the dizzying, swirling sense of displacement as the world seemed to shift around us.

    And then, we were elsewhere. Light shone in through a window, comfortable velvet cushions lay in piles on a smooth stone floor, bookcases laden with arcane tomes along the walls. Maria's tower, miles away in the Rawlins.

    A triumphant Elvadriel viewed our stolen prize with keen interest, mumbling and rummaging in her pack while I curiously studied the amulet itself, trying to wriggle it loose. Wasn't this statue a bit 'too' lifelike, murmured Elvadriel. What if it wasn't a statue at all, but...

    The stone to flesh caused a shimmer, a ripple passing over the cold stone. I blinked and saw colour seep through the marble, saw hard stone soften and tint. Black hair, red clothes, a complexion fair and flawless - a woman stood before us, blinking groggily back to consciousness. The change was gradual, slow, and for a long while she stood in just the same pose as though her limbs had forgotten how to move.

    The amulet came loose finally as the stone retreated, but just then the woman's dark eyes focused on mine. Though a beautiful statue, she was all the more magnetic in the flesh, that gaze and the will behind it hitting me with full force.

    "Give me back my amulet", rang her voice in my head, a silken whip-crack of command.

    Though smooth, I could sense the steel under the velvet. My hands moved as though of their own volition, gently resting the amulet back in place. Could I have resisted, if I'd really wanted to? I've wondered many times since. Though perhaps not - just like with Jenny, the compulsion was overwhelming. But where Jenny's torrential power runs wild, unchecked, this was a sharpened knife, exact in pressure. The moment I obliged, she released me.

    Her name is Lillia. In a curious twist of fate, it seems as though her petrification may have been none other than Sweet Jenny's doing. "She probably thought she was helping me", noted Lillia with a bemused smile.

    While Elvadriel couldn't chase the notion of there being something distinctly 'off' about our rescuee, we had little time left with Lillia as our thwarted necromancer, one Quentin Reylerstroop, was hot on the heels of his lost prize. With ghouls at the gate, we teleported away once more, to Peltarch this time, where Lillia appeared much more at ease. Before parting ways, she gave us each a gift.

    Perhaps it was Elvadriel's persistant probing that granted her that particular "gift", perhaps the mere necessity of getting rid of the damned thing - in either case, the staff is a decided menace and probably the last thing Elvadriel needs, given the rumours circulating about her past hobbies.

    The darned thing summons spectral undead left and right - and instead of getting rid of it, Elvadriel fuels her teleportation addiction for damage control!

    It seems the sort of power you can neither harness nor contain, but instead just 'is'. I'd better run this by Nate - because more often than not, it's knowledge that's the real power. All the force in the world is of no use, unless you know how and where to apply it."


  • A slender white rod with three holes cut into its length forms the horizontal 'roof' topping the first page of this entry. Doodled into the margins, a couple of other figures can be made out: a familiar halfling girl theatrically tip-toeing towards a chest, fingertip to her lips whilst winking conspiratorially towards the viewer. And faintly sketched, as though were he nothing but a ghost, a plain-faced man with a thousand-yard-stare, the stars on his collar signifying his status as a Knight of the Cerulean Stars.

    White

    Nuwairah was white-faced with rage. At the end of the line, after a long and arduous trek through an underground mage's sanctum, the one item the group had been sent to retrieve… was gone. "That 'fucking' halfling stole it!", she barked, looking ready to rip someone's head off while the murmurs spread throughout the group. I hid a smile, secretly smug because of course it was true: ever the trickster, Aesso had smuggled me in to assist the group while she herself made a stealthy bee-line towards yet another piece of her instrument, the white marble rod specifically made to fit her spectacular gems.

    "It 'is' hers anyway", I pointed out amidst the spreading mutters and curses, quelling some if not all of the displeasure. The remaining items in the chest saw the group settle closer to content, but for Nuwairah who appeared to take Aesso's stunt for a personal slight, with me as the co-conspirator. Not that she'd been exactly sunny of late anyway - to anyone not familiar with our history, you'd swear Nuwairah was the lady scorned instead of I, for all the resentment she seems to harbour.

    Perhaps things had been different, if I'd taken the olive branch she extended at the temple. She entrusted me with sensitive information regarding the Chirade case, but wanted to keep it just between ourselves. It felt like a bribe, like manipulation; especially since it came with the strong implication that others were far more untrustworthy - like Elvadriel.

    Really, Nuwairah? You can't very well flatter me with how clever I am, while at the same time calling my choice of friends into question. Calling Cormac's friends into question too, I might have added, but bit my tongue and attempted sticking to reason alone in explaining why I did not intend to keep my mouth shut.

    Elvadriel, persistant rumours of necromancy aside, disregarding friendship or animosity, simply cannot be excluded - because like it or not, she's the leading lady of this plot, Chirade's prime example of vainglorious adventurer, elven just like he, and very much in his focus - first to be abducted, always in the thick of the action that followed. She's also cunning, capable and our strongest card in defeating him. You'd better believe she wants just that - for nearly exactly the same reasons as Nuwairah herself, I'd wager.

    Chirade rendered them both helpless; a staggering blow to the pride of ladies undeniably powerful in their own rights, a painful sting to a self-image of invincibility. Sheer vindictiveness is a force to be reckoned with, simple vengeance for the audacity of making one feel weak. The motive, the inner flame fuelling this fight is much the same in both Nuwairah and Elvadriel and we 'have' to work together or fail. As certain as I am about this, I'm also tired, so tired of being the voice of ~reason~, tired of having to squash all my feelings down, down, down until I feel about to choke. But maybe it has to be me. Maybe that's my role in all this.

    Unlike the others, and I'm sure entirely unintentionally, Chirade's trap has in a strange way empowered me. I stepped from that cage knowing I had the strength to free myself from torment, coupled with the sure knowledge that no one else was going to do it for me.

    I told Elvadriel what I'd learnt later, watched her fume as I knew she would. And when she spitefully suggested we should launch our own, separate attack, stealing the thunder from the city employees, I once again played the voice of reason, pressing cooperation as the key to success. Perhaps she even listened, as Defender Anna Blake was amongst the ragged, near death trio tumbling out of a shadowy rift at the Commons, alongside Elvadriel herself and Lunia. Perhaps it was mere coincidence, or simply the gravitation of fate between Elvadriel and Chirade, because with her, slung across Anna's strong back, was the limp body of Tristyn - unconcious but alive.

    Talbot ordered the Cerulean tied up and gagged, flung behind bars as though Chirade had released him on purpose, a ticking time bomb set to spread darkest shadow when erupting. It didn't feel right, it felt anything 'but' right, but there was nothing to be done about it - with a half-promise of getting to be present once he awoke, we left the Gaol.

    A few days later, we were all called in. As had been the case with Trisha, it seemed as if an unspoken agreement to be civil and professional reigned within the Gaol. Perhaps it was seeing what Chirade had done that sobered us all to the task.

    Tristyn, much like Trisha, could barely be reached. The solemn and collected Cerulean I'd once met was wild-eyed, crazed, pale as a ghost in the dim light of the cell. He heard us, saw us, but disbelieved the reality of his rescue, backing into the furthest corner like a tortured beast. Chirade, it seems, had feigned Tristyn's freedom over and over, conjuring a thousand rescue scenarios, heroic intervention by each and all of us - only to reveal it as false. Again and again, dashing his hopes until finally, there was none left.

    Somehow, reason eventually got through. Was it Elvadriel's impeccable logic, Nuwairah's brusque clarity? I saw the truth sink in, saw Tristyn's sudden slump, a minute shudder, a desperate attempt to reign in emotion. He collected himself with visible effort, once again the professional, the dutiful Knight, sharing in brief what he had learnt during his ordeals.

    Was it this obvious grasp for a shred of dignity that stopped me from giving to Tristyn what I had so readily offered Trisha; release, warmth, a simple embrace? He looked so lonely and so brittle that my heart contracted, but something held me back. Perhaps it was Talbot's presence, the cold calculation in his watchful eyes, perhaps the notion that of all the people to fall apart infront of, this might be the worst one.

    Tristyn was relieved of the case regardless, though released from his cell, quietly stating that he'd be okay. Yet I'm left with the haunting impression that though he might not have thanked me for it, that man really, really needed a hug.

    He wasn't okay. He wasn't anywhere 'near' okay.

    I can only hope he has family to care for him. Friends, a loved one to kiss the colour back into his lips and the life back into his eyes. Though if he had, wouldn't Chirade have taken that away too?"


  • A black, withered tree tops this entry, its meandering roots forming a delicate lattice-work frame around the edge of the pages. Underneath the towering tree, two small figures can be observed, their dark shapes outlined against the bright green glow surrounding them. The taller of the two, burly and masculine, carries a scythe while the much shorter one appears to skip ahead, skirt flouncing and one hand held triumphantly aloft.

    Green

    Aesso was practically bouncing, relating the tale with glittering eyes and emphatic, enthused gestures of her small hands. Beside her, as comfortably stuffed into the fancy bardic couch as a burly farmhand giant with no shoes on can be, Fodel nodded along, momentarily silenced by a huge mouthful of lemon merangue pie.

    "The path was TOTALLY overgrown, but Fodel is so COOL! He SLICED and CUT and CLOVE a whole MOUNTAIN to get there! But that MEAN ogre still wouldn't quit! He'd DONE things to the tree, just to stop us!!!" exclaimed Aesso, while on the couch, something close to anger stirred in the green giant's eyes. He swallowed, then joined in the disjointed tale.

    "Yeah man", grumbled Fodel. "That ogre's 'bad'. He killed the tree with dark magic!"

    "Not that it STOPPED us, am I right Fodel?" Aesso grinned impishly, and with a showman's whirl, displayed their prize: a dark green gem held up in her hand. It was huge and exquisitely cut, just like the blue, and filled me with a similar mixture of admiration and envy. Again, as if she knew how I covet all things shiny and beautiful, Aesso winked and in a flash, had stowed the gem away somewhere upon her impossibly endearing figure.

    The gem was hers anyway, said Aesso with a petulant huff, and the occupant of the tree dwelling, Silvia the Fey, hadn't lived there for YEARS. That meddling ogre had no right to try and keep her from her things! He'd even tried to put her in a CAGE once, did we know that?

    Fodel's ire was already stoked, he needed no convincing of the wickedness of ogres, but I couldn't stop thinking about the gems, their sparkling facets and the story I felt sure lay hidden beyond the tempting glamour. What was it all about, this quest for their retrieval?

    Elated again, she told me. Aesso means to put on the show of a lifetime, to make everyone see how WONDERFUL and AMAZING the world can be. The gems are pieces of her instrument, but it's not yet complete - that mean ogre continues to thwart her! She stomped her foot at this, yet immediately objected to the notion of Fodel's scythe cleaving him in two.

    There's history there, there's something between her and this Horgrim Blackweave that's filled with such hurt that I can't help but think it must be based on former affection. After some gentle digging, it turns out that they were indeed friends once, not only she and Horgrim, but Silvia the Fey and Daniel Sternecloude too, alongside his wife Alina. They were a ragtag, do-good adventuring troupe known as the Deepwood Court, and everyone in it had helped her assemble the instrument's pieces.

    But then something had gone terribly wrong.

    She wouldn't, or couldn't say what - the hurt was palpable, a deep and terrible chasm she tried to quickly skid across, glossing over the details. They hadn't let her FINISH, they took the instrument from her and it was all HORGRIM's fault!

    This time, it would be different. This time, she had such AWESOME friends helping her! Aesso's smile lit up the room, spreading to Fodel who returned it wholeheartedly. I smiled too, trying to ignore the stirring unease inside me, suddenly envious not of shiny gems, but of Fodel's innocent trust. As much as I wish I still believed everything will always turn out for the best, I've ceased being quite that green.

    Bad things can and do happen, sometimes with the best of intentions, with the brightest of hopes held high. I think I'd better find out what really happened.


  • The top of this entry bears a quickly sketched, but vividly life-like rendition of the same woman of a few entries earlier - this time in close up, her expression strained and wary, bright blonde hair outlined against a backdrop of writhing black flames.

    Stepping out

    The air was suddenly thick with tension, alive with the rush of conflicting emotions. Nate's hand clutched mine in a vice grip as he whispered urgent warning, because right there, in broad daylight, in the middle of Norwick, she approached.

    Reyhenna Jorino, mortal vessel to a demon lord, last seen unleashing shadow and flame upon the Bardic College she was charged to protect. Yet here and now she looked every bit as wary as Nate, coming to a halt a good distance away from us.

    "Be 'extremely' careful" hissed Nate, his eyes fixed ahead.

    She struck a solitary figure, looming shadow stretching menacingly towards us across the sun-soaked ground - yet Reyhenna's face held no threat, nor any of its usual brash bravado. She looked uncharacteristically, carefully composed, mouth set in a hard line. Cold, unfeeling. But she was ~afraid~, I realized suddenly - not of us, but of what she might do to us. What G might force her to.

    The words spoken, I don't rightly recall - but in that realization, in seeing the raw edges of fear glimpsing past Reyhenna's strained facade, I let go of the last hard kernels of rage I'd harbored since Nate's death. No matter what anyone else may claim, I know she didn't ask for this. She didn't invite this evil in - she was offered to it, claimed by it and now she was struggling to stay in control.

    My surge of sympathy was the last thing she needed, though. Reyhenna's composure wobbled, the shadows flickered and now she was truly afraid, downright pleading for us to leave, ~now~.

    So we did. What else could we do, that wouldn't risk death and mayham in the midst of a bustling village green?

    I want so very much to help her, but the things I can do, the things I can offer - that's not what she needs. Not now. After, assuming there is still a Reyhenna once that festering parasite is driven out, after is when she'll need me. Need ~us~.

    She didn't know Nate had died, post demonic College rampage. I think it hurt more than she let on to hear of it, but I think it might hurt even more, had it been me. Oh, Reyhenna would be the first to taunt me for my inflated sense of self-worth, but I maintain it's true nonetheless! If nothing else, then because I'm certain Nate would be far less forgiving, were it me who came to harm instead of himself.

    Reyhenna can't afford to lose either one of us, if she's to come out of this with sanity and self intact. There'll be people who claim she was an accomplice, a willing tool to the evil possessing her - there will be those who will look upon her and see a monster. Nate and I, we'll be there to make sure that Reyhenna isn't one of those herself. If I can do nothing else of worth in all this, I can at least make sure of that.

    This is my solemn vow. I can't drive the demon out of my friend, but I can and I will chase the shadows from her eyes when it's done. And so I'm stepping out. I won't be made a pawn of, used to hurt the people I care about. I need to still be there to pick up the pieces afterwards.


  • The front page of this entry is framed in swirling misty blue watercolour, dotted with tiny, shimmering droplets delicately sketched with silver ink.

    Blue

    The sapphire was nearly the size of Aesso's small hand, a deep and vibrant blue, exquisitely cut and shimmering with untold possibility. She flicked it into the air, then swiftly snatched it out of sight with a knowing grin while my covetous eyes still stared at the empty space.

    'It's mine, anyway', she explained after the heist, back in the safe and comfy shelter of the College. ' So I don't think he's going to report it.' And he didn't, it was by all accounts a complete and utter success, mine and Aesso's tagteam bardic catburglary.

    Why then, has it left me in this melancholy mood?

    It's not remorse, but rather… perhaps it is simply the song I sang. Perhaps it's impossible to make someone ~else~ feel without feeling it yourself, deep in your soul? I sang of love and loss, of that unreasonable hope that one day, oh one day, your heart's desire will return. And so you wait, alone, nursing your anguish, while your heart grows hollow and your life turns to ashes around you.

    Bring peace to my black and empty heart, I sang as the nobleman's silhouette appeared in the window. That was the agreed upon goal, simply getting his attention, but now that I had it, I felt something resonate between us - it seemed to underscore the sweeping strokes of my companion's violin, lace my voice with bitterness.

    That is ~not~ how our story was supposed to end.

    That anger still coils somewhere deep in my gut, the feeling of being robbed of a future that could, perhaps 'should' have been. As my voice rose higher, I could see the nobleman's shoulders tense, his hands clutch the balcony's edge. He felt it too.

    But to live your life in the ashes of could or should, it only punishes yourself. The only way to bring peace to a black and empty heart is to fill it with new life, collecting little baubles of joys, opening the door to fresh possibility. You have to practice seeing those things when your world is black, but they're nearly always there.

    Sometimes closer than you think. Sometimes, if you're very lucky indeed, they take the trouble to slip you notes, knock on your door and physically drag you from the brink of despair. And 'then' even the slowest amongst us opens her eyes.

    As I neared the end of the song, my voice softened, saddened - because it's always sad to let go, to truly accept what you loved as lost. But it's the only way to make room for those bright new things. Only if you close the chapter can the story continue, and who's to say the best isn't yet to come?

    He was younger than I'd imagined, once he came down the stairs to meet me. Temples streaked with silver, true, but with a warrior's posture and visible strength to his frame. His face was stern, his handshake firm, but his eyes were brimming with the echo of my last melancholy note, blue in both senses of the word.

    Daniel Sterncloude.

    He looks the sort of man who'd walk through hell and high water for those he loves. I can't help but wonder what happened to his wife, but also rejoice that my song made such a man consider getting back out on the social scene.

    Sune would smile, I think, and thumb her pretty nose at the Lady of Loss. Nope, you're not getting this one either!~


  • Heavy, dark clouds top this page, a dreary lackluster grey shading all the area beneath them - except in the middle, where a bright rainbow spotlight illuminates the figure of a halfling woman with an irresistably cheeky smile, giving the viewer a cheerful thumbs up. Everything about the figure seems vivid and vibrant, bursting with life and pizzazz, her hair bedecked with ribbons in a variety of colours and her ruffled skirt fluttering dramatically. Underneath, small flowing letters, each a different colour, spell out "~Aesso The Amazing~"

    From Rain To Rainbows

    The clouds above, looming with the threat of heavy rain, suddenly parted to let a ray of light illuminate the halfling girl that stood before me at the Commons. She shone as though a vision of all things bright and beautiful, an unexpected antidote to my dark frame of mind, thoughts of Chirade, of Reyhenna, of all the things I felt so helpless to resolve dissolving like mist.

    The world transformed from rain to shimmering rainbows, through nothing but a smile and a cheeky hello from this girl, who introduced herself as Aesso the ~Amazing~. I soon found myself smiling, unable and unwilling not to let myself be drawn into the bubbly enthusiasm of this miraculous bringer of sunshine as she related her daring ESCAPE from ORCS by the hands of her spectacular new friends, Anna Banana and Maria Sangria!

    Aesso, it turns out, is the very bard whose recent arrival has the whole College in a stir, and it's easy to see what the fuss is about. There's something larger than life about her person, something bold and irresistable. It's as if she's painted in brighter colours than everyone else, shining with her own light wherever she goes.

    I found myself smiling, then laughing as we traded words. All my worries were swept aside, replaced by a warm and happy feeling spreading inside; that rare feeling of instant kinship. I think she must have felt it too, or perhaps she'd asked around beforehand, because it didn't take her long to confide that she was looking for my help on a somewhat… ~sneaky~ errand.

    Specifically, a jewel heist. I almost gaped - bardic catburglar is something I've yet to 'quite' pull off successfully myself, but it remains on my list of possible careers, a fondly nurtured dream of shininess, riches and nightly daring-do. And here she was, inviting me to play just that game, like the birds of a feather I now feel certain that we are.

    A unique gem is what she's after, held by a certain widowed nobleman in the Residential district. He's a real homebody though, prone to stay in and brood, so she needs me to create a distraction outside to lure him out of the house long enough to filch the gem.

    I need a song... I need the ~right~ song, the right mood, the right setting. Aesso says the nobleman has yet to recover from the bitter loss of his wife, that he shuns public affairs and merriment. I think I need a song that does for him what the Gaol song did for Trisha - a song that pierces his shell, draws him out and makes him ~feel~. If I can do that, then we'll not only manage to take the gem, but also give something back in return."


  • The image of a single human eye tops the left-hand corner of this page, sketched in black ink. The eye is depicted wide open in a look of terror, the outline of shadowy figures reflected in the dark iris. This darkness and the reflections within seem to bleed from the iris, trickling down the white of the eye to form a single, black teardrop.

    Dark Seeds

    To my frustration and increasing sense of futility, I seemed always a step behind in the chase for Chirade, catching little but snippets and bits, the tail end of events that left even the likes of Elvadriel shaken. An entire village lain to waste by agents of the dark elf, life after life shattered in his wake. And now the head investigator, a quiet and serious-minded Cerulean by the name of Tristyn, had gone missing.

    While I shuddered to even think of the horrors Chirade might be inflicting on Tristyn, the Cerulean's disappearance added a great deal of tension to an already grim situation, all of which I couldn't help but think played all too well into the Sharran's hands. Even more frustratingly, I could see what was happening, but I couldn't for the life of me change the sad state of affairs.

    Chirade had set his game up with wicked cunning - not necessarily to kill the "participants", but to kill the trust and cooperation between them. It was beginning to become apparant that the abduction and manipulation of adventurers was only part of his game though, and perhaps little more than a ruse at that - misdirection and dark seeds of suspicion and paranoia planted in the hearts of those who might persue him.

    It was working, all too well. Hells, we were even ~helping~ him.

    In Tristyn's absence, a bossy Defender Captain by the name of Talbot had taken over the investigation, on grounds I've yet to fathom clearly. Quite unlike Tristyn, Talbot and his soon to be henchwoman Nuwairah did what Elvadriel had feared right from the start - they claimed the case tightly, and all of those previously intimately involved now had to beg for scraps at their city employee's only table.

    Nauran, up until that point a close associate of Tristyn's, was suddenly not trusted, nor was Elvadriel who undoubtedly knew more than anyone else about the foe we were up against. One prisoner from the village questioned behind closed doors (presumably violently) while those involved in the capture were kept ignorant of the pertinent details gleaned. This did ~not~ sit well with any of them, nor did the authoritarian attitude. The simmering cook pot of dissent threatened to boil over more than once, with accusations of information being withheld from both sides.

    I had to, absolutely had to push my personal feelings regarding Nuwairah aside, stuff them as far away as I could to be anywhere near involved with the case, but Talbot’s decision to place her "in charge" presented an additional challenge.

    I’ll work with someone for the right cause, even someone I can’t stand, but to take 'orders' from them, being bossed around? It was very rapidly approaching unbearable, and I felt unable to even bitch and moan about it for being biased to start with. It was somehow a relief to find Elvadriel and Nauran both bristling, quite independently of me, though I knew full well it would be to our advantage and Chirade’s distinct disadvantage if we managed to play nice.

    I tried. Oh good gods, I tried. But what good was I really doing, trying to involve myself? It seemed for the longest of time that all I ever did was collect the debris of rumors and reports, compare, analyze and speculate in the vain hope that it would form a clearer image. I even tried my feeble research hand at the most excutiatingly boring book on the Shadow Weave, quickly gaining a headache and little more than a vague grasp of the subject matter.

    Before Trisha Heartwin, I was about to step away from it all. The broken woman in the cell was the turning point, she set my resolve in stone. I looked into her maddened, saddened eyes and saw the darkness planted there, knew with a cut in my heart that all of us had gotten off lightly, that ~this~ is what Chirade really did. What he would keep doing, until someone stopped him.

    He’d hollowed Trisha Heartwin out, taken everything that she held dear and replaced it with grief, with guilt, with horror and despair. She rocked to and fro, unreachable, still trapped in his cage despite physically removed from it. Talbot claimed her a friend, a bard just like her husband… her husband, noticeably not amongst those recovered.

    I didn’t need to know the details, didn’t want to. I knew her husband was dead, the how best kept at arm’s length. Trisha might tell us things we did need to know though, and so with a variety of approaches, a questioning of sorts took place. She wouldn’t, couldn’t answer though, and grew agitated whenever someone came near, scratching insistently at a patch on her arm, the skin red and sore from constant abuse.

    A magic mark of some sort, or was there something 'under' her skin? Had Chirade quite literally planted a seed, for darkness to grow from within, swallow her whole?

    Elvadriel detected magic emanating from Trisha herself, but attempting to examine her arm drove her wild and frantic. We had to restrain her forcefully or calm her somehow – and so I was let into the cell to try. I sang her a song – a gentle, sad song which I hoped would reach past that crippling despair, puncture it and let it bleed out into grief, released. And it did.

    When the notes died out, Trisha’s eyes met mine and for the first time seemed to actually see me. And I saw her, saw the naked sorrow, the stark pain in her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her – what else is there to do, when no words exist to grant any comfort but your heart aches with desire to offer it? If I can do nothing else of use, I can at least do this. I can at least still ~care~. I held Trisha close and she began to cry.

    But Trisha’s tears were darkness made liquid, they were shadow essence and her grief filled the room, snuffed out the light and the warmth all around us. In the deepening shadow, hateful eyes appeared, figures moving to attack and claw at us. I held Trisha close while the shadows assailed us, shouted for help when the battle broke out but there was no reply from beyond the cell – only darkness, only cold and deathly silence.

    Through spell and sword, the shadows were defeated and a frightened Trisha let her arm be examined, Elvadriel and Nuwairah jointly responsible for the extraction of what looked like a small orb of pure shadow, embedded under her skin. When removed, the light caused it to crumble and collapse, but in its stead rose a messenger – a large and looming shadow, speaking omnious words of warning. We were too late, all would fall to darkness…

    Defiantly, we lit the cell up though magical light, and the shadow creature hissed and recoiled. In it dissipating, there was a sudden rush of sound, of light and warmth as the Gaol and all its other inhabitants, noises and goings on bustled back into existence. A confused Talbot looked our frazzled state over, a little incredulous to hear what had occurred, because to him no time had passed.

    Through Trisha's despair, through the darkness Chirade had planted inside her, we’d been drawn into the Shadow Plane itself – and this, it would turn out, was the fate he intended to inflict upon the whole of Narfell.


  • This page is topped by a small female figure with a shock of bright blonde hair and ice blue armour. The light colours are starkly offset by the woman's much larger, looming black shadow. Curved demon's horns are visible atop the shadowy head, bathed in billowing black and red flames.

    Shadow and Flame

    Betrayal. It comes in many flavours, but each taste is nothing if not bitter and vile to the tongue. This one was no exception, though there may be some controversy as to where the betrayal itself lies. Who and where the blame is to be placed, for vengeance to be meted out in full.

    You can blame the demons. Evil incarnate, working though viles, corruption, manipulation and flesh-rending, skin-ripping force to spread chaos and fear through the hearts of men. But can you blame a creature for doing what is in its nature to do? It seems a futile exercise, as they can never truly change. All you can do is fight them, thwart their plans or run and hide.

    The tools the demons use, the people who seek out evil and willingly serve their nefarious ends, now those I find easier to blame. Harder to understand, but easier to blame - if we hold it as true that mortals have free choice. In reality, there's a million and one things affecting that choice, and that so called freedom can be a very tight suit, an exceedingly limited range of options. Sometimes you are down to only bad choices. Sometimes, you're robbed of them entirely.

    You can blame ham-fisted justice, "good" that is enforced, inflicted with such threat and lack of mercy that it breeds desperation. The results can be such misery that separating it from actual evil is a matter of phrasing, pious and righteous justification of one's aim and little more.

    I feel betrayed. I am hurt, bereft of yet another person I counted as a friend, enraged at the consequences confronting her had for the one person who matters most. Would it have changed matters if I'd been there? Could I have tipped the precariously balanced scales, nudged us all back from the brink of disaster? I don't know, I can't know and I can't keep tormenting myself with what ifs.

    The short of it is that Reyhenna, the College's hired guard, lewd, crude and delightful in her own mercenary manner, is currently the play thing of a very powerful demon, with ambitions for the prime. This dark road wasn't something she chose for kicks - she was betrayed, cruelly used by Abigail in a bid for increased power. Sacrificed to a demon lord. Reyhenna had been under their sway since, but not fully possessed. Not until that night at the College.

    Nate pieced it together somehow. He's too clever for his own good sometimes. Fearing the demon's grip on her was too strong for reason or pleading to cut it, he called in Shannon D'Arneau and Nuwairah for the talk, which took a distinct turn for the worse. Confrontation. Violence. Shadow and flame, undead rising in the wake of the guard turned demon vessel. Killing Nate.

    The frightful scene played out right inside the College. In our home, the very place she was meant to protect, resulting in the death of the person who had hired her to do so. My sweet Nate, dead, because of… I flail in frustration, wanting so badly to scream at someone, while Nate blames himself for the outcome. No. No, no, no - it's not his fault, I know he only wanted to help!

    I was in the library in Oscura, reading whatever I could find on the Shadow Weave when it happened. Returned the next day to see the College in shambles, doors broken and scorched, soot stains on the walls of the corridors. A stab in my heart. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't find my words until I found Nate. Alive again, pale and worn, but alive, at the Commons. A sudden light in his beautiful eyes when he saw me.

    Somehow, no matter what's going on, no matter danger or dire tidings, everything's alright when we're together. As long as we live, breathe and touch, everything is alright. And the things that still aren't, we'll fix.

    Even this.

    He'd learned more of the demon using Reyhenna, invited me and Nuwairah both to the library to share the findings. I wasn't thrilled - it was all I could do to stand working with her on the Chirade matter, and now this too? But I'm no fool. Brute force and martial skill can be necessary, and that, she can undoubtedly provide. Besides, Nate counted her an ally, trusted her with the Reyhenna situation in the first place. They were friends, so who was I to serve up bitter grapes for no reason other than that her sheer presence reminded me of everything I still worked so hard to forget?

    I held my tongue, I was quiet and concerned in listening. Until Nuwairah made an offhand derisive comment of Nate's cooperation, trying to lord it over him as though the Magistrate's office had any legal claim to what he had learnt - to what he was ~already~ sharing voluntarily, no less! I all but gnashed my teeth, bristled and hissed inside. Kept silent only through force of will, for him.

    It's strange, I never felt this way about Cormac. Never bristled at him being slurred, never felt this fierce lioness rage well up to defend him from injury and slight. In part it's likely because of who Cormac is - always jumping into the fray, daring fate and taunting people with deliberate intent. Relishing it.

    But even so, I've never wanted to punch anyone so much as I have the people who have talked down to Nate. Like that ghastly would-be-Queen, Eliza Whoregarth. Or Nuwairah, at that moment. I wanted to claw their eyes out, hiss and growl. How dare you? He's ~perfect~. He's the best man I have ever met and NO ONE is going to hurt him!

    Not that he was hurt. If anything, he was amused at my obvious ire in both cases, mumbling reassurances. Nate is unfailingly polite, he always plays nice and he plays along for the greater good. Maybe that's why I get extra pissed off? I feel like he's trod upon by people far his lessers, and if I were a fighter, a mighty warrioress in those moments, I'd trample right back. Into the mud.

    I had to settle for words, with Eliza. Made a bit of an enemy of that Thayan bitch, unfortunately perhaps, but I regret nothing. She could have insulted me, I can take that. But not Nate.

    Reyhenna's actions caused Nate's death. There's a hard knot of anger inside me, but it's twined with so many other strands than merely her. I don't know who to blame, only that I DO blame.

    To pin the blame on Reyhenna would be the easiest choice, but Nate doesn't want that. He still wants to help her, but I'm torn. I can't forgive him being hurt, I can't. But I miss the Reyhenna who was my friend, who told me to buck up and fight instead of flee, who rolled her eyes at romance I couldn't stomach, who drank with me when I was sad, played stupid word games for sheer amusement. Who asked my forgiveness for harsh words spoken at my rock bottom moment.

    She was the first one who knew about Nate and me. I didn't even have to say it, she figured it out, though thankfully without knowing how close she'd come to catching us with our pants down. Said he was a 'good egg'.

    And she asked for my help with something I should have understood was important. I failed to help her with Abigail past a tentative suggestion or two. I never realized the significance of what had been taken from her. Not until now.


  • The following parchment is inserted into the journal, flowing calligraphy written on it in dark blue ink. The handwriting matches that of the previous song sheet and the three notes.

    @8728b66540:

    "Only You."

    All day… I always dream about you...
    In those scenes, it's always only us two...
    And I feel, like everything is going right...
    I never thought, I'd ride so long on "cloud nine"

    When we dance, so many songs to move to...
    No one else... can dance the way that you do...
    I don't want... Our pitch-perfect song to stop
    My heart is pounding, an endless throb

    Oh... oh, oh...

    The place is right, it's you and me and "in-between"
    The mood is right, with hazey foggy misty steam...
    So hungrily, we feel the fire burning clean
    And we fly together, to places never been

    Oh... oh, oh...

    Oh, you know I want only you
    In this dance we do
    It was and will be, always true

    Oh, I wish you only knew
    That I'll always need you
    Now and forever, in every way too

    Oh...

    Oh, oh oh... I'm for you...

    You, you, you, you . ..

    ... you and only you.

    Fever Pitch

    It was never like this before. I've desired and been desired, but never like this. I could always control it, and even when I wanted to relinquish that control with Cormac, something inside me held back. It's not what proper ladies do. Besides, I wanted it to ~mean~ something - to me, to him, or I'd be just another of his conquests, loved in the heat of the moment, forgotten in the next.

    I wanted the big romance. I wanted rose petals scattered across a silk sheet bed, scented candles burning. Soft sensuality, violins and waves crashing against white sandy beaches at sunset.

    He called me "repressed". Gods, if he could see me now… the things Nate and I do... to each other, with each other, it's ~completely~ shameless. I can't even put it down on paper - no, not even in a private journal, sneaky future readers! Tsk tsk.

    My cheesy novels never had anywhere 'near' this much heat and for once, life trumphs fiction. Not that we don't weave fiction into it, Nate and I dance and spin our yarn of tawdry tales, paint our scenes and play our parts in the most delicious detail imaginable. Dear readers, if you're there, take my advice and get a bardic lover. Seriously.

    It's funny, Nate is the sort of man you'd think would offer a girl the perfect soft romance, the sweet kisses and the dulcet serenade from underneath a balcony as the setting sun paints the scene in amber twilight. Everything I thought I wanted for my first grand love, Nate can provide with heartmelting softness and sensibility.

    But he gives me 'so' much more than that.

    Nate can also be commanding, relentless and rough. Greedy and brazen, passionate, pleading, needing, submissive. "Whatever you want, Isolde", he says with that warm, infinite affection underlying it all. "Anything you want, in any way you want it. I'm all for you."

    That openness and devotion, the unconditional love he offers me, the kindess of his heart shining in everything he does - that's what cut all restraint, cut away my shyness and reserve. Set me free to explore.

    Set me on fire.

    What we do in our wild and feverish haze, it's nowhere near soft. It leaves me aching and bruised, it burns reason and restraint, doubt and despair out of me, drives out the darkness and the cold. Banishes bitterness, in sweet agony and breathless release.

    He looks so sheepish at times, afterwards. Surprised at himself, apologetic as he plants tender little kisses to the marks on my skin. "I don't do this sort of thing", he insists, as though I would think him some sort of ladies man. He's had three lovers before me, but says it was never like this. "It's you", he mumbles with the softest of affection. "Only you."

    I believe him. More than that, I feel the same way.

    We're equals, burning just as brightly, perfectly evenly matched in the dance that we do, whether slow and sweet, wild and rough or both in irresistable mix. I wanted only comfort at first, the warmth of his company and that oh so sweet oblivion. But more and more, I realize that this dance started the very first day we met. And I don't ever want it to stop.


  • The bottom of this page bears another drawing, this one all in black and grey ink, depicting the figure of a man with his hand held out towards the viewer. The figure is blurry, seemingly made of flickering shadows and while the gesture is inviting, it has a menacing quality to it.

    A Cold Comfort

    "Do you have to be so cold?", asked Cormac, as we made our way towards the College's lounge for the talk I knew would be the last between us. Yes, I replied. Sometimes that helps.

    The cold numbs. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it makes it bearable, distances you from your bleeding heart and sharpens your thoughts instead.

    The cold was my friend, in the lounge that night. I froze my heart to be able to cut him loose, and managed to cling to my cool until his footsteps grew distant, echoed down the corridor and out the door. And then I bled.

    How fitting then, that the lounge is where darkness found me, held out its hand like an old friend returning from war. The room was cold and deathly quiet, shrouded in shadows. All colour, all sound and heat had seeped from it, even the flickering flames of the fireplace growing pale and cool. I shivered, pulled my blue cloak closer, the soft velvet lining of it seeming soothing, the one little trace of warmth available.

    A moment ago, I'd sat comfortably on the couch awaiting Christina's kind offer of an early breakfast, lack of sleep chasing me out of bed long before dawn. Now, I stood with my back towards the fireplace, frozen. The shadows flickered, thickened at the far side of the room. Congealed into the shape of a man, looming omniously. Instead of moving, the figure sank into the floor, shadows puddling and reforming into a man, closer.

    Closer.

    The silence was deafening. I inched back further, pressed my back against the stone. The fire burnt with soundless flame, pale and cold. Everything was cold.

    The shadowy man reached towards me, held out his hand. A silent invitation, but to what? A cold comfort, a descent into darkness - oblivion?

    I stared at the hand. What would happen if I took it? A short while ago, all I'd wanted was to get away, to escape my pain through any means necessary. I'd burnt half my journal and my stupid romance novels, planned to leave all of Narfell behind. Tried to drown out the rest in tears and alcohol.

    The me who turned her back on the ghost woman and her once in a hundred years true love encounter, that Isolde would have taken this invitation, hoping it would burn her last bridges in cold flame and let her lose herself in the dark. But I'd taken another hand since. Chosen a different sort of oblivion.

    My voice sounded strange, a stranger in my own throat when I found it, broke the silence with protest. And then, just like that, the shadows vanished. Life returned to the room. Sunshine flooded in through the curtains, the fire crackled cozily and Christina came bustling out through the kitchen with breakfast.

    I suspected Chirade's hand in the encounter, spoke to Nauran to compare notes soon after. "What would have happened if you'd taken his hand?", he mused out loud. I wonder that too, still.

    –-

    Norwick, the day after the wedding, late afternoon. We'd danced until dawn, then retreated to the inn for a few hours sleep. Nate held me close, his arms the sweetest shelter.

    I was still smiling when I made my way outside, alone. I'd beaten the odds, managed to avoid ... the two people who were now standing right by the fire, fighting shadows.

    Shadows, again. Not a coincidence then, not my overactive imagination, not just me, but Cormac and Nuwairah too. This was Chirade's work.

    I wanted to leave, but I couldn't. Like it or not, we were in this particular mess together and I had to try to understand, put the pieces of the puzzle together. The fight was all but over as I approached, Anna and some others pitching in to finish the hissing, writhing shadows off.

    I hadn't seen Cormac, hadn't spoken a word to him since the night he left the lounge. It hurt, it hurt more than I'd thought it would and I reached for the coldness, let myself be frozen and still. Let my eyes glide around him, see the outlines and not the detail, not any of the details I loved so well. Just the rough shape of him, in peripheral vision. My gaze trailed to the ground, a little to the left of them both as I spoke.

    The items, the armour, amulet and cloak made by Chirade. Elvadriel had purged the magic out of them, or so I'd thought. But apparantly not all of it. That's how the shadows found us, played out their appointed roles, each tied to the history of the item in question.

    Elvadriel had already managed to rid Nuwairah's armour of the shadow hauntings, I heard. Not that she had told me. Not that anyone had told me, I thought with a small sting to my frozen heart, until I realized I had made myself distinctly unavailable in my College exile, my Nate-induced bliss.

    Anna set about driving the magic out of our two remaining items. I clutched my cloak protectively, strangely reluctant to hand it over. It's the only beautiful thing to have come out of the ordeal, and I don't want the good magic on it broken, I reasoned out loud, but truthfully, in that moment, in that company, I wanted my man of shadow back.

    I was all but backed against the wall to put as much distance between myself, Cormac and Nuwairah as possible. I had thought I could do this. That we could work together, if the full focus was on the task at hand, but it was unbearable, like sharp nails raking across a blackboard. I wanted to wrap my cloak around me, take that shadowy hand and disappear.

    A Cold Comfort is a comfort nonetheless.


  • This page has a tiny drawing at the top right side, a darkly clad man and a woman in a long pink gown, their hair colours orange and crimson respectively. The two diminuative figures are dancing close together, foreheads leaning gently against one another.

    Fake it 'til you make it

    True to his word, Nate made me forget. His company brought both solace and delirium, a drug that not only numbed the pain, but made me giddy, craving more. We hid away within the College's protective walls and for the first time since my life started falling apart, I felt happy. A little guilty too, because underneath it all, I was still hurting. Was I just using Nate as my crutch, my comfort blanket, my distraction from loss and heartache?

    The thought made me worry, but only when we were apart or the rest of the world insisted on encroaching on our sanctuary. I was happy - for as long as I could forget. Like a thin layer of bliss, spread like icing on top of a sharp and bitter cake, my happiness didn't stretch far and it hinged entirely on Nate. But it was, for all of that, still real.

    The rest, I had to fake.

    It's easier once your heart is broken, he kept saying, but I'm not sure that I ever truly agreed. I can put on a smile, I can act and pretend, but to summon the will to do that takes energy and determination I didn't have at my lowest point. Nate returned my will and my want. He made me want to believe in all the beautiful things I felt tainted, made false by the break-up, in love, in romance and devotion.

    He invited me to go with him to Akseli and Orianna's wedding. The wedding Cormac and I had planned on attending, had made such fancy clothing for. I said yes, quickly, before I could get cold feet. Akseli's my friend, and I couldn't back down from all areas of my life, couldn't hide within the College forever just to avoid running into Cormac and Nuwairah again.

    Orianna had asked me to perform, too. At a Lliiran wedding, a celebration of joy and true love. Deep down I felt all of those things to be hollow, but I didn't want them to be. If I faked it, if I made a determined effort, if I got over this threshold, then maybe I could reclaim them. Nate made me want to try.

    We got new clothes, dolled ourselves up to the teeth. A shimmering pink silk gown, patterned and embroidered, with decorative pearls fastened to the sleeves, Nate in a smoky charcoal suit, deceptively simple yet elegant in cut. He looked so handsome that my heart clenched, but I was still on edge, afraid of who we'd meet, of how and if I'd manage to cling to my cheer throughout.

    I'd picked the perfect song - not for my frame of mood, but for the bride and groom, about true love and devotion. A softly passionate, earnest, beautiful song that unerringly felt a lie when I practiced. It wasn't for me, it was a gift. But every time I sang, I felt that same venom rise, a bitter taste in my mouth, a mocking laughter at the back of my mind. Chirade's cold laughter, flickering shadows at the edge of my vision.

    Push it down. Be and feel what you decide, play the part and wear the smile until it's real again. Sing as if you mean it, make THEM feel and maybe it will echo back to you.

    I told myself this, over and over, as the wedding guests started to arrive. Joyous day, happy day, Akseli and Orianna's day - don't ruin it for being this way, still! Nate squeezed my arm, smiled and chit-chatted and so did I. Cormac hadn't shown, nor Nuwairah, and that made it easier to pretend, to focus on the show. And it was a show, it was all fake but for my sincerity in wanting it not to be. In genuinely wishing Akseli and Orianna happiness, and doing my best to add to the occasion.

    "I'm glad you're back to your old self", said the bride, beaming afterwards.

    I'm glad it was convincing, because it was beyond exhaustive to keep the mask up. All fake laughter, all false smiles, until the end. On the dance floor, with Nate's arms around me. His sparkling blue-green eyes gazing into mine. That tender, doting affection, slicing through the pretense. We danced; we danced until the floor emptied and the sun rose. And then my smile was finally real.


  • @a301ebbd39:

    Feet took her straight to my bed

    The first night I spent in Nate's bed, he slept on the floor, wrapped in a big pile of blankets and pillows stolen from the room across the hall. We were both drunk and exhausted, but he staunchly and gentlemanly refused to share the bed, despite it being easily big enough to fit three or even four people in it.

    I snuggled down on the far left side, burrowing my head into the soft silky pillow and tucking the fluffy covers over me. It felt like slipping into an embrace, the way that bed welcomed me. It smelled clean and ever so faintly like Nate, a subtle and pleasingly masculine scent. I fell asleep instantly and felt sorrow and despair melt away, fading for that one night of soothing sleep.

    Many nights passed before I returned to that bed, an endless ocean of emotional turmoil before I sought its safe harbour anew. The very same night that Cormac finally made his way to the College, during the first and only night he would ever spend in my bed, I snuck up at dawn. I told myself I only got up to fix breakfast, but found myself lingering outside B7, wondering if Nate would be disappointed in me for giving in so easily, after all the tears I'd shed. The thought left me chilled, cutting through my happy daze like a knife through butter.

    Naked but for the blanket from my bed, I sat in the lounge while the tea water began to heat up, writing a note to slip under his door. I covered the front, then the back, quickly running out of space for all the words I wanted to give him, that vague and gnawing feeling of unease churning inside me. I think I was more afraid of Nate's possible disappointment than the risk of a continued tug-of-war for the man sleeping in my own bed - because I was not quite stupid enough to think everything was fixed quite as easily as that. I did think it would mean ~something~. Something more than one night's reprieve from pain.

    Next day showed me how wrong I'd been, in the most painful and inescapable manner possible. Chirade, his trap, and the talk that came afterwards smashed any delusions I had left, dashed my hope of any repair of what was once a beautiful love. Feeling dead inside but for that one resolve now hardened in my heart, I stumbled through the College's halls like a zombie, but halted infront of B7 again.

    I couldn't return to A7. I have, in fact, not spent a single night in it since. Instead, I slipped inside Nate's room like a thief in the night, very careful not to wake him. If I could just rest there, if I could simply hear him breathe and know I wasn't alone, I could make it through the night. He slept on the right side, legs and arms sprawled, and I scooted silently onto the bed's left side instead. He didn't stir, didn't notice, yet I felt that same warm sense of welcome. I'll just rest a bit, I told myself - I'll be gone before he even wakes. But I fell fast asleep, and it was he who had left the bed before my eyes cracked open, well past noon.

    After M5, we still shared that bed, even with the trembling note of uncertainty in the air between us. He stuck to his side of the bed, a perfect gentleman, though I caught him looking as I let my hair down. I'd pushed him away, I had, however mildly, said stop. And it only took that short walk up to his room to regret it. If I turned around, if I put my arm around him… but I didn't. I faced the wall, listened to his breathing growing gradually slower and tried not to think of the what ifs.

    But it was still there, that tremble in the air, the shivering possibility. We spent each night together, every following day in conversation, sauntering through the corridors, stopping too often, for far too long. The bubble wasn't burst, it shimmered all around us and kept the rest of the harsh and hurtful world at bay. On our way up to the rooftop once again, we ceased to move. We stood in the corridor, surrounded by the busts of the Masters of old and rows of beautiful paintings. I felt that same wonderous sensation wash over me as the first time on the roof - that we could do anything, go anywhere together. Into the world, into the paintings themselves - we could weave our own world and disappear within it.

    "Give me sweet oblivion", I whispered. And he did. We kissed in the corridor, we stumbled up the stairs to the starry sky awaiting us, the sparkling canvas of the night sky lit up just for Nate and I. "Look at me, Isolde", he bid with a silken command in his soft and melodic voice. I looked, and everything but the stars in his eyes was lost in the sweetest oblivion.


  • "Oh my gosh" he said, flustered and remorseful after I'd pushed him gently away, his face suffused with colour. "I don't do this sort of thing."

    I could still taste him on my lips, the sweetness of the Black Velvet drunk under the stars, the lingering sensation of soft pressure and heat. Our bare feet still touched, submerged in the warm water of M5:s clear and sparkling pool.

    The waters of the Bardic College are rumoured to have all kinds of peculiar powers, but in this case, other liquids were assuredly at play. Carabinieri, Black Velvet, Crémante D'Alsace and a variety of other bottles, all emptied, lay strewn far above our heads on the rooftop of the Theatre, along with the crumbled remains of pastries and cakes.

    Take two of cheering-Isolde-up through wining and dining had shrunk the ranks of participants to just two. Me and Nate, arms full of drinks and tasty morsels as we scrambled up the stairs to the rooftop at sunset. As the sky changed colour and twinkling stars came out above, we spoke of everything and nothing, the mood light and relaxed.

    Favourite places and dream destinations for our trip to come, most of all. "Ahh, Peltarch at night", he mused, sipping deeply from the dark liquid in his goblet. "The stars above and the lights sprawled out below…" A guilty stab in my gut, knowing it was only for my sake that he now planned to leave his favourite place. But Nate wouldn't have it, he laughed again at noticing, brushed off my increasingly feeble protest that he didn't have to come with me. Again that soft and amused look in his eyes, as if the truth was obvious and I was just so very slow to grasp it.

    Okay, okay - so you really 'do' want to come with me. I still don't get why, but I believe you, I thought to myself as I drank more Carabinieri, letting the sweet pink liquor form a warm glow inside me. For the first time in weeks, I didn't feel like crying. I even found myself smiling as we spoke of all the where to's, including Cormyr and Nate's family there.

    He grew up to nobility and privelege, sheepishly admitting a spoiled brat syndrome and hinting that his visits home were infrequent. Not for being unloved, but rather for being reminded of being that person, I suspect. And still being seen that way, in his parents eyes? He winced a little when I suggested I pose as his lover, a married woman scandalously eloping with the wandering minstrel.

    "But it would be the a perfect excuse to make the visit brief", I noted, weaving a violent and jealous husband into the narrative, chasing after us. He gave a little grin, seeming to warm to the idea and we kept spinning our travel yarn as the night grew darker around us. Waterdeep, Silverymoon, the riches of Amn. "I always wanted to see Evereska", Nate said dreamily, opening another bottle. It's one of those elves only places though, and his little splash of elven blood would likely not be enough to get in and gawk at the marvels.

    Nothing felt impossible though, underneath that starry sky. I felt sheltered by the night and welcomed into it, as if the world both shrank and opened up around us. We could go anywhere, do anything together.

    Anything - except master the stairs down without falling over. I hadn't realized just how drunk I was, until I stood up. The stars spun languidly over my head and I clutched Nate's arm while he in turn leaned against me. Our steps were wobbly, my knees felt gelatinous and soft as we meandered down in a slow, precarious hobble. Heading down to the Masters Quarters, I stepped on his cloak and sent us both sprawling helplessly down the remaining stairs.

    Nate cushioned my fall, taking a couple of bumps to the head and likely an untold number of harsh bruises here and there along his body too. Dazed and drunk, we just sort of lay there for a while, catching our respective breaths. Eventually, I scrambled up to sit, while he rested his head on my lap. As I checked for lumps and lamented the evil nature of stairs, Nate grew suddenly quiet. His eyes, soft and glazed, fixed on my lips, stared as though hypnotized by the way they moved, formed words he no longer seemed to hear.

    I don't know how long he would have stayed in that stupor, had I not nudged him out of it. He looked completely lost, blushed but regained a little clarity as we finally both managed to get to a wobbly stand again. We perused the great library, spoke of bards of old and the way the College had been when all the Masters suites were filled, when there were always bums on seats in the meeting chamber.

    Nate grew wistful, but it was a gentle sort of melancholy, soon to fade as we entered what is now offically his room. M5, bedecked in bright and glorious whorehouse red, with a simply enormous set of stone breasts on the watery nymph bust overlooking the pool. I had to chuckle, had to comment - they were literally impossible to overlook, and I suggested coathangers on the protruding nipples. Or possibly shiny brass rings?

    The mood grew playful and light as we sat by the edge of the pool, dipping our feet into the warm and clear water. He nudged my foot and I his, and in a gentle little repetition of the first time we met, we sparred. A simple thumb wrestle this time, his hand in mine. He has strong hands, large and firm but smooth, without the callouses of hard labour. My thumb was unerringly pinned, my attempts at wriggling free or cheating by breaking his concentration mostly in vain.

    Until I kissed his ear.

    The struggle petered out, the game suddenly changing. His hand was still in mine, his thumb still across, above my own. But resting gently there, a soft and warm pressure I could break any time I wanted to. But I didn't.

    Again that glazed look in his eyes, soft but intense, focused on my lips. His foot, his hand so warm against mine. A stillness grew between us, stretched the moment out. As though drawn by inexorable gravity, Nate leaned in and kissed me.

    His lips were sweet but firm, those shimmering blue-green eyes flickering, searching mine for some type of sign. He smelled good, tasted even better and I wanted it, I wanted to wrap myself in his warmth, his kindness, in the inexplicable wealth of affection offered me. But this was more. Was I really ready for more?

    A soft thud to my gut as his lips pressed closer. I ~wanted~ more.

    But I wasn't ready for it. Not yet, not with everything still so tangled and messed up. Not with 'me' so messed up. If I lost him as a friend...

    The thought sent chills down my spine, severed the teasing tug of desire. I put my hand on his chest, pushed him gently away and the bubble burst around us.


  • First Impressions

    I've heard it said that in meeting someone new, we determine within seconds what we think of one another - that we take in appearance, mannerisms, body language, tone of voice, actions and words. All this combined, we swiftly, subconsciously, form that important first impression.

    But how accurate is that first glance really? Looking back, how near the mark did that first judgement land?

    I first met Nate on an otherwise unspectacular day at the Commons, in the bright and sunny days just before the siege. He was nearly completely obscured by the figure of a hulking half-orc in dark plate - from where I sat, I could just about catch a glimpse of a stylishly cut blue and silver shirt, and the bright gleam of copper in his hair.

    "Talk to her? But Thraaask.. she's so 'pretty'!"

    A sing-song voice, smooth and melodic. Lush orange hair falling down across bright blue-green eyes as he dipped forwards to look at me again, lips forming a theatrical little 'o' when caught in the act.

    "She 'saw' me! Thrask, help!"

    A handsome face, bordering on pretty, inviting me to play as he hid coyly behind the large half-orc. He ~must~ be a bard, I thought, approaching with a curious smile growing on my lips. Portraying himself as the vunerable mansel in distress, now there's an innovative first move, and one which immediately made me choose the role of villainous oppressor in turn.

    We played out a scene, improvising, sparring and testing one another's wit. I drew my rapier with all the flash I could muster, challenging him to the fight. Thrust and parry, feint and flurry - our words flew brightly back and forth, his eyes alight with mirth as I vaulted over the fence to deliver the finishing blow.

    I declared myself the victor while he pleaded for mercy. Mercy, at the hand of so vile an oppressor? That called for a scoff, and scoff I did. I would extract a terrible price for his continued life and freedom. A price so steep, he'd wish I had slain him instead…

    "You're going to buy me dinner", I declared haughtily, in a brook-no-nonsense tone. Meekly, eyes twinkling, he accepted, introducing himself as Nate Wingates, playwright of the Bardic College.

    As I stood there smiling, it suddenly struck me that we might be flirting. In the spur of the moment, in the sheer joy of dancing with someone so closely matched in wit and whimsy to myself, I'd quite forgotten that inviting another man out for dinner might not be so popular with the one you're with. A brief sting of guilt, a surprising sense of regret as I realized I may have to call it off if Cormac grouched. Which of course he did.

    "Don't be silly", I told Cormac. "There's no attraction there, we're far too much alike. He's basically me, in male packaging." Dinner was still cancelled, brushed off as little more than a part of our make-shift play.

    Nate, in all our encounters since that day, stayed affable and effervescent, yet distinctly more distant than on that first day we met. A butterfly boy, I thought, his attention ever waivering and drifting from one bright sight to the next, from this thought to that, from one person to the other. A man of passing interests and flights of fancy, a sweet but daydreaming romantic with a loose grip on reality.

    First impressions, hm? So right, yet so very wrong they can be.


  • Three small calling cards are slipped between these pages, containing a flowing handwriting in dark blue ink. The observant eye will easily note the similarity to the song sheet at the beginning of the book.

    @943eec25cf:

    "Isolde. I feel awful having asked you to do this. If things are too dangerous, I would prefer that you stop. You can't keep staring at that soul well, either. See me soon. We'll share a drink and take a breather.

    All the best and more. Nate."

    @943eec25cf:

    "Isolde,

    Are you about? I'd love to chat. - Nate."

    @943eec25cf:

    "Isolde,

    I have a bit of business to conclude in Oscura, and then one last meeting in Peltarch, and then I'm all set to depart.

    Also, could you consult Elvadriel on fixing Clandra in my room? Feel free to enter the room with her to fix it if you can. She needs sculpting advice and suggested you.

    Best,
    Nate"

    Lifelines

    He threw them out to me, simple slips of paper slid underneath my door to remind me that someone cared. I left the first on the floor, and the second. I didn't want comfort, a breather or a talk - I wanted only to drown in my own grief, amplified by the constant wailing of the Well of Souls.

    Painting the Well kept me busy, kept my thoughts from wandering to other dark imaginings, painting scenes I'd rather die than see before my all too detailed inner eye. Here, infront of the chasm and amidst the screams of agony, I felt at home. I belonged, my pain bought me that ticket and I wonder now, looking back, if that is why the visions took me. If my mindset then allowed me to be attuned to its nightmarish nature, harmonizing with the mournful dirges rising from the depths?

    I expect I'll never know, but what is certain is that Nate would not allow me to drown. When the notes went unanswered, when my absence from the College stretched out, he came for me, armed with Reyhenna's presence as though expecting he might have to physically drag me away.

    He was not who I wanted to see - there was only one person I truly wanted to see and his absence was a gaping hole in my heart. I felt annoyed, tried to make them go away, then persuade them to let me stay to finish my work. But no. Nate was adamant - I was to come back to the College, we were to eat sweet morsels and drink fine wine and Reyhenna ~would~ carry me if that's what it took.

    I saved myself the humilation and walked, sullen and wrapped in inpenetrable gloom. Nate kept smiling, kept chit-chatting amicably, kept pouring wine into my glass, into Reyhenna's, into Helena's as she joined us. I felt wretchedly unappreciative, but couldn't shake my misery, not even if I'd wanted to. Not even when the ghost of a beautiful woman appeared, imploring us to aid her in reuniting with her true love on the one night in a century that allowed them to meet.

    True love. What a load of bullcrap.

    My bitterness surged and I tried to refuse to go, but Nate was relentless.

    "Even a gloomy Isolde is better than no Isolde at all", he insisted, smiling. He seemed to actually mean it. How could he possibly mean it, when even ~I~ was sick of me, sick of this dark miasma that seemed to bleed out in all directions?

    We fought angry spirits in a dreamlike world of inbetween, the light muted and moonlight dancing in shimmering rays through the treetops. When the moon stood just right, at the stroke of midnight, it would hit the statue of the ghost's cavalier knight, and he would come to life. Utterly romantic - the sort of stuff I used to lived for, in a life time not so distant from now. But I felt only numbness and nausea.

    I turned away from the scene, counted the minutes until we could leave. Nate was enraptured, as though he meant to savour it for both of us, Helena in tears and Reyhenna, blessed be, rolling her eyes.

    Afterwards, I went straight to sleep, too exhausted to resist it but waking with the same sick, churning feeling in my gut. And a pounding hang-over. How many glasses had he poured me, really?

    A light knock on my door, shaking me out of my stupor. How long had I sat there after dressing, just staring at the wall?

    "Isolde, are you there? Can I come in?"

    He sat beside me on the bed, his eyes so full of sympathy, of gentle warmth and concern. He knows what it's like, he told me so the other night. He's been in that same dark spot and it was Zyphlin who helped him out of it. A fellow bard, a friend - he wants to be that friend for me now.

    I felt so tired. So defeated. He put his arms around me and I cried.

    –-

    A catastrophic attempt at talking to Cormac, made impossible by Nuwairah's intervention. A nightmarish three-way argument, ending so badly that he claimed to want neither of us.

    Yeah right.

    Hurt and reeling, I took Elvadriel's invitation to Oscura, investigating the Well and again it sucked me in, tore out whatever stuffing I had left and left me screaming, near death's door. I saw something in my vision, a clue to the mysterious man suspected of drawing on its powers, but whatever small satisfaction that brought, despite the toll it took, it was eradicated by the sight of Nuwairah kissing Cormac, upon my return. It was a deliberate display and much more painful than anything the Well could inflict upon me.

    I had to leave. Not just the Commons, but Narfell itself - it's too small a world for me not to see them and I couldn't, I just ~couldn't~ stand it. It hurt too much. I wrote a farewell letter to Cormac, far too long, far too nice, but I no longer believed that I'd get to say any of those things face to face without her being there.

    Nate was upset. He didn't want me to go, he ~really~ didn't, but this time it was me who was adamant.

    Nothing he said could sway me and despite resisting, he knew it. "I want to show you something first, though", he insisted, but the look on my face seemed to sink through even his cheer, brought a melancholy to his sparkling blue-green eyes. Until he smiled again, declaring that he would come with me.

    "We'll travel the world, Isolde. Anywhere you want to go, it'll be an adventure!"

    I gaped. Where have you been the last few weeks, Nate? Haven't you noticed I'm horrible, horrible company, a veritable sinkhole of self-pity, anguish and bitterness? Are you some sort of masochist to keep seeking to spend your time with me?

    He laughed. It was a beautiful laughter, impulsive and genuine, musical as it rolled off his tongue. He shook his head, smiled at me as if I was very slow and told me again - even gloomy Isolde is better than no Isolde at all.

    This time I believed him.


  • "I want it all", he said.

    I had given him everything - my time, my joy, my admiration, laughter and lust. My heart, exposed and raw, my words and thoughts equally unguarded, my trust, my body. My tears, beyond count.

    But my all was not enough.

    "You elevate me", he said. And it's true. When we first met, he was not a well respected man. A loud-mouth, a braggart, all bark and no bite. The guy who talks big and then dies. A lot.

    With me, he didn't die. I believed in him and as though charmed by fate, he lived through every death-defying encounter on our adventures. Until we stood face to face with Rass - until ~they~ stood and whispered jointly to make a grand and stupid point, picking the impossible fight. I stopped believing.

    With me, he grew. His worst sides curbed, giving room for something softer to emerge, something more considerate and nuanced. People listened to him, with me on his arm. When his temper flared, I calmed him and he reasoned instead of cursing up a storm. He became respected, both in combat and out of it.

    With him, I was given looks of disbelief, frowns of disapproval. "Oh Isolde", sighed Darvan at the black on my lips. "If you let that brute touch you, you are not the woman I thought you were", said Raryldor. I didn't care. I didn't care that he was admired and I looked down upon for our union, because I loved him so.

    I elevated him and was downtrodden in return. Lied to and shamed.

    How could he ask me for everything and not give the same in return? How could he possibly think I'd agree, when everything I've said and done has made it blatantly, painfully clear how I feel?

    He apologized once and the sentiment was true, the words and his fear of losing me all true - but even that was made a lie of when he asked her to stay and didn't tell me about it.

    "Polygamy isn't uncommon in certain cultures", she said, reproaching me for saying flat out no as she must have known I would. "Why do you have to be so categorical?"

    For the same reason that you keep such a tight leash that he must tell you if and when he comes to see me, for the same reason that you seek to monopolize his time and attention, I thought. She even admitted feeling hurt and jealous when he was with me, but maintained that we could "work things out" and share.

    But it's delusional. It's a lie, a fantasy and at some level, they must both have known it. They must have.

    It's strange and ironic how Chirade's trap is what ultimately set me free. The day after our reconciliation, after our very first night together, he was back with her. My bleary eyes saw what they'd been doing with brutal clarity as I came to, finding myself chained to a bed and Cormac hanging in a cage nearby, Nuwairah trapped behind bars opposite me.

    Matching little outfits in black, the sort they love to make for each other, sand in their clothes, on their skin, on her exposed chest. I gave him everything, I let him be my first and it wasn't enough for even one day? I stopped believing.

    I wanted only to get away, to flee as I had first intended and the urge was so strong that it nearly crippled me. But try as I might, I was stuck in this triangle, and it looked set to kill us all. Powderkegs surrounding my bed, a fire burning under Cormac's cage, the wall behind Nuwairah moving slowly, relentlessly closer.

    Choices to be made, sacrifice one for the other. Let her die and you can live, you can have him all to yourself and be happy. But I was already unhappy and her death would accomplish nothing but to crush what little there was left of my self-esteem. No. No, no one's going to make me do anything I don't want to do, or be someone I don't want to be. No.

    Fuck you, Chirade.

    The others had choices too, similar in nature. Cormac pushed his away, refused to choose, rendering himself effectively useless. He roasted in the rising flames, rattling the cage in futile fury. I could still move my arms, began to search the powderkegs around my bed for a key to fit the locked lever Nuwairah said was on her side of the bars.

    Chirade appeared, more than once, to fuel the fires of dissent. "You know you hate her, I've seen your suffering, the floods of tears you've shed. Why don't you just let her die?" Because, jerk-off, I want to be able to live with myself afterwards. Because you don't get to dictate my actions or play with my feelings. They're MINE.

    The kegs held traps, I could barely pull my hand back in time to keep it attached to my arm, which was torn and bloody by the time I was done. Cormac nearly dead from the flames, the wall starting to press Nuwairah against the bars. But then I felt it, a small hard metal object.

    My bloodied fingers closed around it slowly, exploring its shape. Definitely a key. I pulled it out, unlocked my chains and threw it to Nuwairah. Jointly, we worked our way out of the rest of the trap, all three of us alive.

    It became so clear to me afterwards. I knew what I had to do, regardless of how little I wanted to. Cormac could not, ~would~ not choose and Nuwairah would never yield an inch, never let him go, not even to save herself. We'd escaped Chirade's cage but were still trapped in the same vicious triangle. And the only one who could save me, who could in fact set all of us free - was me.

    I used to think he was so strong. So forceful and daring, afraid of nothing. But he is selfish and weak. In that cage, I found my steel and though it was cold, though it was hurtful, seized it.

    I thought my only options were fight or flight and was ready to take the latter out of sheer desperation. But now I saw a third choice, and I made it, I ended things between us. Letting go was the hardest thing. I was sure I had no more tears to shed, but broke down completely when he walked out of the lounge and my life for good.

    I'm so tired now. So empty. But maybe that's good. Empty can be filled with other things, better things, the sort you would fail to see if you kept grasping desperately at what was already lost to you, clinging to misery, to memory and the endless could have beens.

    I have lost a lot, most of all the pieces of myself that I gave away too freely. I'm no longer that care-free girl who thought the world was hers, who believed in so many impossible things - but I am still Isolde.

    And that will have to do for now.


  • This book is bound in midnight blue leather, the pages within guarded by a small silver clasp and lock. The same soft scent of honeysuckle cling to the pages, the same artful hand obviously behind the contents, but there are fewer drawings, fewer unnecessary embellishments, swirls and exclamation marks in the text.

    The first page has been carefully ripped out, the page folded a few times to make the tear soft and even. In its stead rests a single song sheet, the edges of it slightly thumbed by repeated handling. It is written by another author, in a smooth and stylish hand.

    @aff870f10e:

    She has starry eyes
    The perfect cover for her darker side
    She does her best work at night
    Does she remember?

    Soft words, straight to my head
    Feet took her straight to my bed
    I remember every word she said
    Emotions high, can't be blamed
    Night's young, have no shame
    Whispering one another's name

    Let's leave those busy streets
    I know the perfect place to retreat
    A long cooridoor, "in-between"
    With paintings to other worlds we've never seen
    Does she remember?

    We don't care if it's late
    A blend of passion and fate
    We hold on to every chance we get
    We're so high, ready to break
    We're ready to raise the stakes

    Up top, up high; see the city lights
    An ideal view for our starry eyes
    An ideal place to sate our appetite
    We do our best work at night
    And we remember


  • The red book ends here, the rest of the pages missing, seemingly ripped out, while the book itself is tucked away under a pile of pillows in a closed cabinet located in room A7 at the Bardic College.


  • A beautiful, very expensive looking robe is depicted at the top of this page, made of soft velvet and shiny, sheer silks with intricate pearl-studded embroideries and fine ruffled lace.

    "~The Dress~

    I'd thought nothing could match the blue silken catsuit, but the moment I saw the dress, I just ~had~ to have it. The sensual richness of fabrics and depth of colour, the beautiful patterning of the fine embroideries, the exquisite spiderweb lightness of the lace, oh-so seductive in quality!~

    With an affable smile, the moustached mage - not Akseli dear readers, but a charming sorceror by the name Salin - offered to sell the desired garnment to me for 500 gold. I stared, stroking the plushness of the velvet, the cool and sheer silk, noting the gown held magic too. Magic designed to further enhance the wearer's beauty and allure!

    My savings took a hit, but my heart leaped in my chest as I took the surprisingly light garnment from Salin. I wasted little time in changing into it, even though Norwick's rustic south gate is hardly the right scene for so regal a gown. But the location did feature a very specific crowd of one, whose attention was suddenly so rapt that I felt near blushing.

    Not even the blue silks put that big a grin on Cormac's face, nor so wild a glint in those grey eyes, so intently focused that I felt as though his gaze bored right through the fabric to my bare skin underneath. I felt giddy, strangely exposed and decidedly, spectacularily beautiful. He bid me turn around and I twirled, gossamer lace and flowing silk fluttering with the movement.

    A low, guttural sound, somewhere between growl and grunt, and an even wider grin as I came back around. I hadn't expected a full gown to have such an effect, but it fits snugly in all the right places, and the shimmer of the fabric ~is~ distinctly flattering. I wanted to bask in my crowd of one's attention all day, but I also didn't want to spoil the regal look by blushing like a school girl. On the pretence of concern about mud and wood splinters causing tears or snags, I changed back, still feeling a warm glow of smug assertion inside.

    A few days later, we ran into a morose Elvadriel, just outside Peltarch. After the Sahuagin's cruel 'Dead Elf' slur, she's been experimenting with a new look, something warmer and more approachable, but was not quite content. I suspect there was something more to it too, she seemed downcast, weary, all in all distinctly in need of cheering up! And so, hoping my friend would feel as beautiful, irresistable and royal as I had, I gave her the dress. It's the least I can do for all the encouragement and affection she lavishes upon me - though I can't claim it didn't sting, just a little, to see Cormac's black lips grin just as wide for her. Still - it ~is~ a fabulous dress… and it fit her perfectly.

    ~Sigh~

    I'm getting mired ever deeper, dear readers, into this sinkhole of attraction. I've ceased waiting for it to rain to scoot up close, to slink an arm around his back, or even drape both my arms around him. Have I no shame, you wonder? But I do (unfortunately). Just not enough to stop myself from inching ever closer, stretching the boundaries of propriety with a touch, a whisper, a small kiss to his arm (ugh, those arms!).

    He must feel ~something~ in return, mustn't he? At the very least, he's flattered and enjoying the attention, but I think I didn't just imagine how he huffs in jealousy when I compliment other men, or that when I don't put my arm around his, he eventually pulls me close regardless. At least sometimes.

    ~Sigh!~

    If he'd just kiss me already, then I'd ~know~! He kisses my hair sometimes, softly, affectionately. And other times, he huffs incomprehensibly and walks off.

    It's driving me crazy, but Akseli cooes and purrs teasingly, calling it love, going as far as claiming the two of us couldn't stand to spend even one night apart. In fact, that's the claim that spurred the soon to be legendary Boys Night Out.

    A night of drinking and male camradery, bonding over whatever it is men do in the company of men. Akseli was the ringleader, convincing first Cormac, then the Shaundakulite priest Krovel (an amicable fellow red-head) and, with a good deal more persuasion from the rest jointly, the paladin Darvan 'Justice' Roth (handsome in a well-groomed, shining knight fashion).

    Tch. As if I care if they have a roaringly good time, drinking and fondling strippers or whatever! Except Darvan would probably be a nay-sayer to most whatevers, guessingly... and it's not like I ~need~ Cormac to have a good time myself. I can have lots of fun, oodles and heaps! With...

    With the ~Girls~! Ha, take that, boys club! Elvadriel, Naomi and I, joined eventually by a delightful new aquaintance called Jennifer, started our own little bar crawl. But it wasn't so much a crawl as a skip and lounge and gossip tour, from the steamy hot tubs at the Regal Maid to a pillow fight and a picknick outside the gates, with oh so many drinks.

    It's all a little blurry, but some details stand out. At one point, Elvadriel brought out a whip (ow!) and a frisky Naomi scorched the plains outside with a bombardment of lightning (note to self: powerful arcanists and alcohol do not mix). There was a pillow fight, and a game of truth or dare. Apparantly Cormac is a '9 out of 10' in Elvadriel's book.

    I recall being pressed on that subject, wriggling and evading as best I could before I called it a night and stumbled off. Truth: Am I 'in love' with Cormac?

    Love is too big a word, too weighty and frightening. In lust, I'll easily admit to. Attracted to, yes. Great big yes. It's not just a physical attraction though. I like how his ~mind~ works, how he doesn't just indulge and follow my flights of fancy but adds his own, painting colourful scenes and spinning lurid twists to whatever plot is hatching in his mind or mine.

    He has the soul of an artist, the voice of a devil and the most wicked sense of humour, both quirky, poetic and downright naughty. He makes me laugh. I like the way he laughs, too!~ I like a lot of things about this man, dear readers, so many that to list them would bring tears of boredom to your eyes, but I can't call it love. Not yet.

    Not until he kisses me."